Original subtitles

There's no place like home.

With your family around you, you're never alone.

When you know that you love, you don't need to roam. Cause there's no place

home.

Times are changing every day.

We won't get by with old fame away.

No, no. Pulling together, we'll make it right.

With help from our friends, I know we can fly. But there's no place like home.

With your family around you, you're never alone.

When you know that you love, you don't need to.

please, child.

Okay, we'll just catch the policeman coming around the corner, then bam,

cut back to the stoop for the line, and then we'll do the reverse angle down the

street as the cop runs off.

Okay, let me show you where I want to put the camera.

Mary, this is so exciting. They're shooting a movie out here at 227. And

know what? They are paying me $200 just to use the building.

They're paying me $50.

For what?

For getting lost while they're shooting the movie.

Well, guess what? I just found out who's in the movie. Who, who? Diane Caron.

Fabulous. You know, I have always wanted to meet her.

Oh, she ain't in the scene.

Oh.

But guess who else is in the movie? Who?

Eddie Murphy.

Maybe he'll see me and want to ask me to dinner. He ain't in the scene either.

Well, who is Eddie?

A dead body.

Well, that's the kind that always asks me to dinner.

Thank you very much, Mrs... Holloway. Holloway.

We're all set for the shoot tomorrow. We'll be starting about... One. One.

Fine.

What's the name of this movie?

Lady War... The Lady War Red.

Hi, everybody.

Hello.

Girl, what are you wearing? This old thing?

Oh, just something I threw on.

You missed.

Oh.

You must be the director now.

I'm fine, Jill.

Is there any way I can help you with your movie? Bring you coffee, hold the

script, star in the picture?

so you could play a fire engine.

Sandra, the only thing they need for this scene is a dead body, and, honey,

certainly ain't you.

We do have that one -line glint. It's not cast yet.

Yeah.

Yeah, it might be interesting to have one of the locals play it.

I'd be perfect for the part.

What is it?

Well, she has to say, Officer, he went that way.

I could do that.

Okay, okay, well, why don't you give it a try?

Okay.

Aren't you going to say lights, camera, action?

Okay,

lights, camera, action.

Oh, officer.

He went that way.

Not so sexy.

Who's not sexy?

I mean the delivery.

Oh. Okay, I got it.

Remind me not to see this movie again.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no. You're too dramatic. Just be casual. Just throw it

away. Casual? Okay, just throw it away.

Hey, like, he went that way.

Stop it, for heaven's sake. Just place the line. Officer, he went that way.

That's it.

That's it. That was so real.

You want the part? It's yours. Sign her up. Child.

We'll be paying you $789.

$789?

You just stole my part, Mary.

And you just ruined your picture. You could have had a juicy R rating. Now

you're stuck here with Mary Poppins.

I did not steal your part.

You did, too. You did, too.

I saw you giving the director the eye.

I was not giving the director the eye. I just happened to do some things better

than you.

Well, name one thing.

For one thing?

Officer, he went that way.

Oh, Sandra is driving me crazy.

And you're driving me crazy. About time to go to bed, baby.

To bed? It's only 7 o 'clock.

Yeah, but I never slept with a movie star before.

I'm forgetting to like being a movie star.

Oh, what am I saying?

Oh, they'll probably change their minds tomorrow and hire a real actress.

Anyway, I don't care. I can take it or leave it.

Good. I'm lying.

Honey, I am so excited.

Want to hear my line again?

No.

You're my husband. You're supposed to help me rehearse. Okay, all right.

I'm the policeman, and I come running up.

Officer, he went that way.

How was that?

Ooh, where are we going to put the Oscar?

Don't be silly.

How about over here on the edge there?

Ma 'am, will you stop that?

Oh, honey, I just hope I'm able to do it tomorrow.

What are you talking about? You can do it. It's only one line. I know, but it's

something I never told you.

You know, when I was in grammar school, I had a very traumatic experience.

See, I was in this play, and I was a teapot.

Yeah, that's traumatic, all right.

Listen, this is serious.

Anyway, I was supposed to come to a boil.

And then I was supposed to whistle.

And say, I'm ready. You can pour me now.

And then I looked out at the audience.

And I froze.

All the people were looking at me.

And I couldn't... I couldn't... I couldn't do anything.

I was... so embarrassed, and all the kids were laughing at me, especially

old Flora Peterson.

I was so embarrassed, I just ran all the way home and cried.

And the next day at school, do you know what she did?

She put tea bags in my school book.

She never let me forget it.

You know what else she did? At the senior prom, when I walked in the door,

had the band play tea for two.

I tell you, it was so humiliating.

Mary, you know, if I'd known, you couldn't come to a boil.

I never would have married you.

Doctor!

This is serious!

I mean, if I could just do this part, I could finally get over it. And then

maybe Flora Peterson would see it and choke on her popcorn.

Hey, Mom.

Hi, Mr. and Mrs. Jenkins.

Mm -hmm. Mrs. Jenkins, Brenda tells me that you're gonna be a big movie star.

Oh, well.

Sure you are, Mom. I've told everybody at school.

I'm kind of a celebrity myself.

Oh, Mom, would you sign your autograph for some kids?

There's a big demand.

Oh, Brenda, don't be ridiculous.

Mom, you're a very important person.

Well, okay.

Hey, Calvin, you want to hear the lines?

Yeah, that'd be great.

It's just one line.

Of course, it is Bible to the plot. Come on, Mom, do it.

Okay.

Lester? What?

Well, you don't need me.

Joanne Woodward's husband helps her.

Joanne Woodward's husband is an actor.

Oh, all right. One more time.

I'm the policeman and I come running out.

Are you ready?

Mr. Jenkins.

What? Are you playing clothes or uniform?

Now, what difference does it make?

Well, if you're in uniform, you'd hold on to your nightstick like this.

Otherwise...

You know, banged up against your leg.

Calvin, you know what we really need?

What? Quiet on the set.

Yes, sir.

Okay, this is it.

Officer, he went that way.

Ooh, that was so good.

If the rest of the movie's that good, ooh, it's gonna be a winner.

Come on, Calvin.

Mom, I'm going to give this autograph to Tiffany. Okay.

Good luck tomorrow, Mrs. Jenkins. Thank you, Calvin.

Officer,

he went that way.

Now, that's just as good as Mary's audition, isn't it, Brian?

I mean, besides, I'm young and attractive, Eddie.

Hey, I think you're great.

And I... I'd promise you anything, you know.

But I'm not the director, and he wants Mrs.

Jenkins.

Oh, hi, Mrs. Jenkins.

Annie Williams, may I come in? Of course.

I don't remember inviting you. You don't remember stealing my part, either.

Would you cut it out? All I can say, Mary Jenkins, is I hope you become rich

famous. Oh, well, thank you, Sandra.

Because then I'll sue you for every penny you got.

You and your new husband.

What new husband?

Big stars always dump the old ones, Lester.

Mr. Gibson asked me to come over and have you sign these contracts.

He would have come himself, but his mother doesn't let him out after dark.

All these copies for just one line?

Lawyers have to eat, too. Are these the same kind of contracts that Diane

Carroll and Eddie Murphy will be signing?

Um, more or less.

They get more, you get less.

Now, Mrs. Jenkins, about tomorrow.

There's nothing to be nervous about. Just go out there and deliver your line

like you've been doing it. Oh, don't worry. I've got it all memorized.

They won't be changing any words, will they? No, no, that'll be it. You just

relax. You know... It's a funny thing, but I seem to be very relaxed.

Good. Some people get nervous when they're connected with a major

like this.

Just how major is it? The budget's over $30 million.

$30 million?

This movie's going to be seen by 200 million people.

And when we go worldwide, it could reach a billion.

A billion people are going to see me?

Don't worry, Mary. You've only got one insignificant line.

Don't say that.

The smallest detail can make or break a movie. Well, see you tomorrow.

Mary,

are you in here?

Officer, you went that way.

Mary, what are you doing? It's 3 o 'clock in the morning.

Honey, I'm rehearsing. A billion people are going to be looking at me. This is

important, Lester.

What's important is that you get a good night's sleep. Now, will you please come

to bed?

I can't sleep. I'm too nervous.

Officer, you went that way. What would Meryl Streep do if she had this part?

Fire her agent.

It's not funny, Lester.

Okay, now tell me.

Which way do you think sounds better?

Officer, he went that way.

Officer, he went that way.

Officer, he went that way.

How about, officer, we're going this way.

Lester. Baby, if it's going to make you nervous, then don't do it. No, I've got

to do it, and I'm going to do it. I am not going to make a fool of myself this

time.

Lester.

What's the matter?

I can't straighten up.

Ah, it's the cheap part all over again.

Okay, fine.

Thank you.

The doctor says it's just nervous tension.

You've had it before.

Remember our honeymoon?

No, sir.

No, the doctor says you need to stay in bed for a couple of days. I am not going

to stay in bed.

I'm fine. I'm just a little stiff. Nobody will notice.

Baby, you can't do the movie if you can't straighten up. It's the Lady War

not the Hunchback of Notre Dame.

No, Brenda.

I just like looking at the floor.

I'm sorry.

Do you need a heating pad?

No, I don't want a heating pad. I'll be all right.

What do you want for breakfast?

We'll fix it. No, I'm fixing breakfast.

And I'm doing the movie.

I'm looking over a four -leaf clover. How about some pancakes?

Nothing from the upper shelf.

You can have canned peas, garbanzo beans, or tomato ketchup.

I'm not that hungry. I'll just make some toast.

I can do it.

I'm not helpless, you know.

Mary, come on.

I am not giving in to this.

Mary, you can't even reach the toaster. Yes, I can.

Bye, babe.

Honey. What?

What about my kiss?

to see if our star was ready for her big scene.

Oh.

What are we looking for?

Her pack went out. See if you can be of some help, would you?

Okay. Man, this is terrible.

They're going to shoot that scene at one o 'clock.

I'll be there.

This has happened before. It'll go away.

Well, what if it doesn't?

Don't even think it. I am going to be doing this movie.

Oh.

Well, maybe the officer could be admitted and then you wouldn't have to

Allow me.

Alright, Mary, I'm giving you one last chance.

that you... Where's your sense of compassion? Can't you see she's in pain?

Well,

if you were any kind of friend, you would help.

Well?

Well, if it was the other way around, she'd help you.

Wouldn't you marry?

Marry?

Well, the first thing you need to do is relax.

You know what I do when I need relaxing? I know what I do when I need relaxing.

I don't want to hear it.

All right, first you got to lay down on the couch.

That's the first thing I do, too.

Close your eyes and think relaxing thoughts.

Now, imagine yourself in the country, and you're lying by a babbling brook,

the birds are chirping in the treetops, and the wind is whistling in the hills,

and the leaves are rustling overhead, and everything is peaceful and quiet.

How quiet can it be with all that babbling, chirping, whistling, and

Sandra, I know you... you're a city girl, but we in the country now, so

smell the flowers or drive on by, okay?

Well, I do know a little bit about nature.

Well, please help.

All right, all right, I help, I help.

Okay, so you're out in the country somewhere.

It's a beautiful, warm day.

Then suddenly in the distance, a most gorgeous man approaches.

Tall, handsome, muscles bulging.

He breaks into a run, his arms out.

if you don't lie.

I'm gone, I'm gone.

I'll tell you what, Mary, since you're in so much pain, I'll practice your

for you.

Officer, he went that way.

Officer,

he went that way.

Hi, Mary, feeling any better?

No. Good.

Good? I mean, I brought the physical therapist with me. Mary, I'd like you to

meet JoJo. What seems to be the problem?

My tonsils.

Just where did you find this turkey?

Oh, Mary's got worry, and he's worked on a lot of people you know.

Timmy Brown, Helen Dixon, Mabel Johnson.

Rose, they're all dead.

Does he have any patients who survived?

Don't worry, he's licensed.

So was 007.

Let's have a look at you.

Let's get you up on this table.

Take it easy.

Now, I'm going to need you on your back.

Well, let me get these legs down.

Before I straighten you out, do you ever think of renting yourself out as a

rocking horse?

I'm going to kill him.

You know, I'm going to need you over on your stomach. Let me help you. I'll do

it.

Close enough.

Now, tell me if any of this hurts.

Yes.

Yes! Yes!

Oh, but there's a problem.

What? You got a bad back.

Remember when you used to be my best friend? Yeah. Well, you're not on my

Christmas card list now.

Mary, give him a minute's chance.

Now, Mrs. Jenkins.

Oh, you're stiff as a board.

His back muscles are like steel.

You have marital problems?

No. Kid problems?

No. Not married, no kids at her age. No wonder she's uptight.

Well, enough of that.

Well, let's try a little stretching, huh? Roe, you want to get a feet? Okay.

Why? Just trust me. Trust me. Here we go. Ready? Stretch!

Ah! Go, go, go!

Mary, how do you feel now?

Taller. Oh, come on.

Get you around.

On your back.

And up.

Ah!

How do you feel now?

Rose, I can't bend over. What? That's the last thing you want to do. You bend

over, you never straighten up again.

You mean I'll be like this forever?

Well, I've got to see you three or four more times. Until my car gets paid off,

which ever happens first.

Props! Work with me here, guy. I need some more trash down here.

Eddie, where's Eddie? Eddie, you're killing me here. I need you. Well, we

had coffee and croissant.

Yeah, we just had a ten -minute break half an hour ago.

If you need me to be the stand until Mary gets here, I'd be happy to.

No, we're okay.

Well... If you want me, just whistle. You know how to whistle, don't you? You

just put your lips together and blow.

Oh, that's really very good. If I ever need Lauren Bacall, I'll call you.

Well, you got my address.

Why don't you come up and see me sometime, dear boy?

Miss Clark, we're really very busy.

Well, frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn.

Don, what are you up to?

I'm just trying to help.

Trying to help yourself to the part that belongs to Mary? How is Mary?

Oh, she's coming along just fine.

How nice.

So whatever you're thinking, you just better forget it. I'm surprised that you

rose. You know I'd never do anything to sabotage Mary.

All right, everyone, that's lunch. Back at one. One.

Mr. Gibson, Mr. Gibson, can we talk? Can we talk?

I can't make the steps.

It'll be okay.

Is something wrong?

No. No.

My husband is so romantic.

He just can't keep his hands off of me.

Good luck, babe.

Thank you, honey.

Okay, Cliff.

And I'm ready, too.

Which is my best side?

Inside. Remember, we're paying you 50 bucks to stay out of the shot.

Well, I took that to buy this hat. Now, if you want to pay me another 50.

Greens! Okay, Mary.

Now, here we go.

At the start of the scene, I want you bending over the body. Bending?

Yeah.

Down? Of course down. Nobody bends up.

When I was in school, I was in a teapot. And then I couldn't boil. I couldn't

whistle. I couldn't do anything.

And now I can't bend over.

Oh, Mary.

I understand.

But you're not in a school play now. You're in a major motion picture.

I don't need whistling and I don't need boiling. I need bending. Going down.

But I won't be able to straighten up. No, that's okay. I'll have the camera

you by then.

Let's roll.

Feed!

Marker.

That's a print. I did it! I did it! I did it!

You did it! You're standing up straight!

Yeah!

Goodbye, teapot. Hello, Hollywood.

Mary, you did a great job.

Thank you.

You too, honey.