Original subtitles

There's no place like home.

With your family around you, you're never alone.

When you know that you love, you don't need to roam.

Cause there's no place like home.

Times are changing every day.

We won't get by with old flame away.

Pulling together, we'll make it right.

With help from our...

I mean, no place child.

You should have seen Calvin. He was all over the court. He scored 22 points.

Not to mention 10 assists.

He was great.

Hey, check this out.

Oh, shoot.

Hey, just call me Magic.

Well, Magic, you've done all right since I taught you my moves from high school.

I remember your moves from high school, and they had nothing to do with

basketball.

Well, your mama had some pretty good moves, too. You caught me, didn't you?

Anyway, the best part of all of this is our school gets to go to Philadelphia

for the tournament.

Great. And the bunch of us kids, I mean us young adults, we had the best idea.

We thought we'd go with the team to see the game.

Yeah, to cheer us on.

Well, wait a minute.

Philadelphia's a long way to be going up and back in one day.

Oh, yeah, but we thought we might stay just for... Forget it.

Come on, Calvin.

I'll be glad when I'm 18.

So will we.

Hi, I'm Rose.

Hi, Mrs. Holloway. Hi, Brenda. Hi, Calvin.

Oh, Mary, we have got to help Sandra.

I think someone's passed away in her family.

What? Who?

I don't know. She got a letter from home, started crying, and ran upstairs.

Oh, I'm so sorry.

I was just going up to see about it. You want to come with me? Sure.

Oh, I'll be right back, honey. Let me know if I can be of help.

I feel terrible.

But you look beautiful.

nail polish.

Oh, here, let me do that.

Would you?

And a teaspoon of sugar.

And a dollop of cream.

Stir.

Counterclockwise.

How about some hemlock?

Thanks, but I'm not into herb tea.

Sandra, I saw how upset you were after you read that letter.

Yeah, it's my mother.

Your mother?

She's coming to visit me.

Is that what this is all about? Yeah.

What is wrong with your mother coming to visit you? Well, my mother and I, we

got a little problem.

She hates me.

Oh, come on. She's never approved of me.

I know you find this hard to believe, but she thinks that I'm different.

No. I've just never gotten along with any of my family. They're just so, so

normal, you know?

They have absolutely no pizzazz.

I mean, the more dull and boring it is, the more they like it.

Now, they would love you married.

I'm so glad you brought me up here to cheer her up.

Sandra, I'm surprised.

Now, didn't you say you had a wonderful time when you went home for Christmas?

Yeah. I met the cutest guy on the train.

And the taxi driver, he was really a lot of fun.

And everything was fine until I got home and said, hi, Mama, I'm home.

Oh, Sandra, you're exaggerating. No, I'm not.

Now, everybody was there.

Mama, Daddy, my sister, Conan, the librarian.

And my brother, Morbid Mark, the mortician.

Your brother is a mortician?

Mm -hmm. Girl, I hate it when he serves the Christmas turkey.

I can see where you might not fit in.

It's not easy being a minister's daughter.

You never told us that.

Mama made me promise never to tell anyone.

I never did anyway.

It wasn't easy getting dates when the boy thought God was the shop around.

Anyway, I'm sure you're wrong about your mother. I'm sure she loves you very

much. And she's just trying to raise you the best way she knows how.

Well, we're just so different. I mean...

I'm quiche. She scrambled eggs.

I'm sushi. She's fish sticks.

Once I told her I was bringing home Perrier, she thought I married a

I'll just have to tell her she can't come.

Oh, you can't do that. That's your mother.

Well, I love her, but she just doesn't love me.

Yes, she does.

You two just need to get together and talk it out. That's all.

Well, I guess I could try.

Good, and I'm sure she loves you just the way you are.

Mothers are amazing.

and he's in show business.

Used to drive a tour bus for Jermaine Jackson.

Anyway,

he's gonna be here this weekend.

This weekend? Uh -huh.

When is your mother coming? This weekend.

Oh, shoot.

Oh, no. If mother met mop, she'd die.

The undertaker'd have to get a jackhammer to get the frown off her

Oh, no, you don't.

This weekend belongs to your mother. Oh, but mop is so much fun.

Oh, is one weekend without a date gonna kill you?

Yes. No, it's not. Okay, I guess a girl can't let her mama down. When mop gets

to town, I'll just tell him he can't come over.

You'll survive.

I better cut down on my vitamins.

Hi, Rose.

Hey, how you doing this morning? All righty.

Well, today is the day.

Sandra's mama's coming.

Oh, yeah.

She went off to church this morning.

To church?

Mm -hmm. Today? Yeah, went by to say hello to the reverend.

She's going to take her mother there on spandex. She didn't want the reverend to

say, well, Sandra, we haven't seen you in ages.

man with your bag.

I've been practicing trying to walk without that wiggle.

Well, that ought to cut down on traffic accidents.

Sandra, don't you think you're overdoing it just a little? Not a little, just a

bunch. I want to make my mother happy just for once. This will make up for all

those empty Mother's Days that I couldn't be with her. Where were you?

John's mother, Fred's mother, Mickey's mother.

Mother's Day is a big date day for me.

Sandra. Mary, how do I look? Am I drab enough? Oh, you're perfect. Oh, darn. I

was trying to hide it.

Hi,

Mama.

Sandra. It's good to see you, Mama.

Sandra? Mama, I want you to meet some of my friends.

We all part of the same mitten circle.

Mary Tinkins, Rose Holloway, Pearl Shea. This is my mother, Rita Clark.

Well, welcome to Washington.

She's told us so much about you. Thank you.

Girl, did you lose your job?

No, of course not. I got a big night planned for us, Mama. The Mormon

Choir is on public TV. Look at you.

Stand up straight.

Hold your shoulders back. Walk like a lady.

on that woman's face.

Oh, I wonder if this is going to work.

She better start praying.

You know, once I had a big fight with my mother.

I said, Mama, I don't have to eat my carrots. I'm 63 years old.

Say, darlings.

Don't you know how to address a lady?

Oh, I'm sorry.

Ms.

Look, if you're selling something, I think you need to change your

I'm just having a little fun.

I'm here to see Sandra Clark.

The name is Mop.

Wait, wait, wait. You can't go up there.

Why? Tell him, Mary.

Well, Sandra has a surprise for you, and she does want you to see it till it's

Friday. Sandra tells us you're very special.

Yes.

Oh, well, I don't like to talk about myself.

Oh, go on. Do it anyway.

Well, actually, you're going to be telling your grandkids about me.

You're looking at the advanced man for thick, thick, thick.

I beg your pardon? You never heard of thick, thick, thick?

No. Where you been? It's only the hottest heavy metal going.

You run a gymnasium?

Music, Pearl, music. Oh, look, I can't wait out here any longer. Surprise or no

surprise, I'm going up.

Excuse me.

Would you do me a favor?

I'd like to introduce you to my husband. He'd just be thrilled to meet you. He

loves your music. He does?

Yes. I can't tell you how many times he's heard your music on the radio and

said, sick, sick, sick.

All right.

Sure. I'd be happy to.

Mustn't disappoint the fans, huh? Good.

Come on. Oh, you all write your name down on a piece of paper, and I'll get

an autographed picture of the boys.

Oh, how many boys are there? Five.

Six, if you count the ones that handles the rats.

Six? I mean, six? Six, six.

Where does Sandra meet these guys?

Never mind where.

Why?

Lester! Lester!

Oh, there you are.

Well, you almost gave me a heart attack.

Oh, I'm sorry, honey.

Guess who's here?

Oh, hi.

Who?

Who? This is Mop, Sandra's friend.

The advanced man for sick, sick, sick.

Sick, sick, sick?

I'm really into heavy metal. Oh, right on, Mama. Heavy metal is where it's at.

Yeah, Mama, heavy metal is where it's at.

Can I talk to you for a minute? Now, honey, I have to go see a sound of

surprises ready. No.

You two have a nice talk, and I'll be right back.

So, you like my group, huh?

Oh, yeah.

Thick, thick, thick.

And you think you actually stand here in my living room?

I was going to waste my day taking a nap.

More tea, Mama?

Thank you, darling.

You seem so changed, so settled down.

I've matured, Mama.

You've matured in the fifth grade. That was one of our problems.

but I was just a stage I was going through. I realize now that there's much

to life than parties.

Oh, I'm out of tea.

You want me to make some more? No, I'll do it. I'm very domestic now. I just

love to boil water.

I get it. Excuse me, Mama.

Sandra, we got a problem. We got to talk.

Mary, come on in.

We're just having tea. Don't you want to join us?

Well... Oh, you must.

Sandra just made chocolate chip cookies.

Marie! Really?

Oh, Sandra's famous for her chocolate chip cookies.

Have you tried one yet, Mama? No, I was just about to. Sit down, Mary.

You know, all of this is very surprising to me because when Sandra was a little

girl, she couldn't even make mud pies.

Oh, Sandra.

This cookie is terrible.

Actually, Mary made them.

Actually, what I did was give her the recipe.

And it was a very good recipe.

Can we talk?

Excuse us. Personal problem.

and you scratched your number in a cantaloupe and threw it in my car?

Oh, hello, sir. You obviously had the wrong cantaloupe.

Can you imagine a woman doing something like that?

There's just no accounting for some people's lack of taste.

None whatsoever.

Indeed.

You want to talk to me, Mary?

Yes.

Excuse us, Mona.

Probably not the available.

I'm glad you were so firm.

Anyway, he's downstairs with Lester.

Now get rid of him. I'll take care of your mama.

If he's smart, just stand up straight and put your shoulders back.

I tell you, that mob was wild.

When the concert was over, the cops were trying to keep those girls from

climbing up on stage, but there was no stopping them.

They were tearing the clothes off the guys, screaming for autographs. We were

lucky to get away with our lives.

Scared the hell out of the snakes, though.

They won't even hiss anymore.

Anyway, let me tell you about Pittsburgh.

We got into the town about 4 o 'clock in the morning.

Hold that thought. I don't want to miss anything.

Found you, baby!

What happened to you?

You look like Doris Day.

How could I stay away? Come to Papa.

Oh, please.

You two have met. Oh, I guess you could say that. But Mott was

just on his way to the corner to get me a bottle of wine.

I was?

Uh -huh.

Chardonnay chilled.

Oh, but, baby, we don't need wine.

You know what wine does to me.

Chardonnay chilled.

Too bad he doesn't talk more.

Lester? Lester!

What? Oh, were you busy?

He's always so busy.

Look who's here.

This is Sandra's mother, Mrs. Clark.

Oh, nice to meet you, Mrs. Clark. I'm Lester Jenkins. Hi, Lester.

Mary, can I ask you something?

Why, sure.

Why am I down here?

Sandra wanted you to see my apartment.

Oh. Oh, well, it's really very nice.

I'll go back up now.

Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

You don't want to do that.

You seem sane.

Is there something weird about this building?

See, Mary, I told you we couldn't keep it a secret forever.

What is going on?

And what is wrong with Sandra?

And where did she get that dress from, a garage sale?

Dad, she just wore that because she thought you'd like it.

Like it?

Do I look like the kind of a person who'd like a dress like that?

Well, no, no, no, of course not.

Oh, Mrs. Clark.

Look, maybe I shouldn't be mixing in, but, well, to tell you the truth, ever

since I found out you were coming, she's been worried sick.

Why? Well, she thinks she don't love her.

That's ridiculous. She's my baby. Of course I love her.

She says you were always mad at her.

Well, sure I was always mad at her. She was always doing stupid stuff.

When you are the daughter of a minister, you do not pack love notes in the hymn

note.

It was always something. The ladies of the church were constantly asking me if

she was adopted.

My husband asked me a couple of times.

But he loved her. He loved her.

He always said, God is testing her.

Oh, Miss Clark, you know what I think? I think Sandra just needs to hear that

you love her. Well, if that's all she needs, I'll go upstairs and take care of

that right away.

Oh, Miss Clark. Mary, wait a minute.

Where do you think you're going?

is up there.

Don't you bring that man back down here.

This is Saturday and I got a right to relax. You're running people in and out

here like it was Dulles Airport.

Mom, Dad, Calvin found a chaperone for the Philadelphia trip.

Grandma's gone.

Pearl, you cannot chaperone a bunch of basketball players.

You can't even reach their waist.

You ever try playing basketball with a broken knee?

I think we better go to Philadelphia.

Right. Oh, but baby, we only got one night. Let's make it count.

Oh, I know.

But my mother's here.

I'll tell you what, you split and I'll meet you later at Robert's. After I feed

my mother dinner, give her a glass of warm milk and put her to sleep.

Will that work?

Oh, believe me, when I was in high school, a glass of warm milk saved my

life every time.

Who is it?

It's your mama, baby.

Just a minute.

Quicker. bathroom. I don't have to go to the bathroom.

Well, say something.

Mother,

you're back.

Of course I'm back.

Want to go on the roof?

We have a great view.

No, I do not want to go up on the roof. Sit down.

Now, Mama, come on. I'm not a child anymore.

Sandra, sit.

All right, but I'm not going to memorize a bunch of Bible verses.

Now, what is all of this about I don't love you?

Well, it's no secret. You never loved me as much as you loved the others.

That's not true. It is true.

I could never do anything right as far as you were concerned.

You did a lot of things right, but I just couldn't admit it.

Can I let you in on a little secret?

I do love your brother and sister, but they are boring.

But you always had a little fire.

But you hated my fire. I loved your fire, but I was always getting burned by

Don't you know that I was just like you before I got married?

You were?

I was fun -loving.

Just like you.

How do you think I always knew what you were up to?

Because I had always done it before you.

Oh, and then you married a minister.

Yes, and I had to fit in, which is something you just never learn to do.

You've always been special to me.

Because you were me, and I was you.

Mama, how come you never told me all this before?

I couldn't.

I had a whole family to set an example for.

You know, Mama, it looks like we got a whole lot of talking to do about this.

I'm through talking.

I'm here on my vacation. I want to kick my heels.

Well, if you want to go out with me, you have to do something about this dress.

And try to fix up your hair a little bit, honey.

I'm going in the bathroom and freshen up.

Mom! Mama! Wait a minute.

What's the matter now?

Okay, I guess there's no point in hiding it anymore.

Mom! Come on now.

Mama, this is a... I know what that is. It's a man.

Somebody, you know. To brush his teeth. He likes your toothpaste.

Oh, Mop, I'm sorry, but you better go. Okay.

Uh, wait just a minute, young man.

Let's take him along with us. We need somebody to dance with. And we need

somebody to pick up the tab.

Do you boogaloo, honey?

Oh, you name it, I'll do it.

Oh, now wait a minute now, Mama.

That's my man.

is he'll tell me.