All language subtitles for The Drew Carey Show s04e21 Steve And Mimi

Geez, I knew with a head that size, your
neck was going to give out sooner or

later.

Ear on desk. Ear angry buffalo approach.

Give me a break, will you? I laid off 38
people today already.

Oh, boo -hoo, cheese wheel.

Natural selection.

You don't make yourself indispensable,
you're out on the street.

Look at me.

Where are you going to find another me?

I don't know. Since they banned atomic
testing, you're probably the last of

kind.

You wanted to see us, Drew?

Uh, yeah.

Listen, uh, the thing is, for louder's
profits are way down, and

I have to lay all of y 'all off.

I know it's not fair. You're all honest,
decent people, and your only crime was

trusting the store you work for to take
care of you.

I'm sorry.

Hey, sorry I'm late.

Is this it? about bonuses?

You're fired!

I'll tell you how bad I feel.

Remember to stop by the men's department
on your way out, show your pink slip,

and receive 20 % off.

Here's another 20 people I need you to
fire. Enjoy.

Come on, Mama needs a better parking
space.

You can keep the gum, Mimi.

I'm sorry, sir. I just got so excited
when I saw Carrie's name on the list.

Celebration time! Come on!

It's not me. It's my brother.

I can't believe you're making me find my
own brother.

It's like something out of the Bible,
isn't it, Carrie?

Keep your brother.

Feel free to fire the Asian woman in the
wheelchair who's married to the labor

lawyer.

Oh, so I guess a cross -dressing white
man counts for nothing these days, huh?

Not at all. They're always still good
for a laugh.

See?

You wanted to see me, Mr. Wick? Anytime
I'm feeling down.

But actually, I believe you were
summoned by your little brother, Drew.

You know, the one you defended from
bullies and was always so grateful?

Until now.

I've softened him up for you.

So, what can I do for you, little bro?

You know, how they say, if you love
something, set it free?

I love you, Steve.

Oh, my God.

You're letting me off?

Profits are down. There's cutbacks all
over the store.

I blame the economy.

Things are so good, they're shopping at
better places.

I can't afford to get laid off. I've got
rent, food, bills. Do you have any idea

how much stress does this big cost?

I'm really sorry. If you need money or
anything, if I can help you out, let me

know. Well, can you ask my best friend
if I can move in with him?

Who's that?

Great. I only have stockings hanging in
my bathroom.

Probably the kitchen, too.

I may float like Audrey Hepburn, but I
sweat like Terry Bradshaw.

Day just keeps getting worse for you,
huh?

Yeah.

I was cleaning up in the attic and look
what I found.

Your old football jersey and your old
cheerleading uniform. Oh, my transition

box.

Drew, check out Steve's great couch.

Isn't it cool?

Just makes me want to lay down on it and
receive gentlemen callers. Oh, add that

to band shag carpeting and the discarded
freezer behind the pick and chop.

Hey, pig.

Anybody here got the hiccups?

Sorry, no one ordered a frightening.

There's another list of people Mr. Wick
wants you to fire. He said you should

call on Sunday because the rates would
be cheaper and it would be funnier.

Wow, that's good.

Crap, some of the pages are missing.

It's been here somewhere.

Steve, keep an eye on Mimi. Don't let
her up on the furniture.

She thinks she's people.

Wow, look at you.

I've never seen you looking so butch
before.

Well, I had to change.

Luce kept on looking up my dress. I
wouldn't have minded, but he had this

in his eye that made me very
uncomfortable.

Well, I always said you made a pretty
good looking woman, but make an even

better looking man.

Oh, you make a boy blush.

You know, I always kind of liked you
too, Mimi.

Really?

Well, why so shy, you big bald Adonis?

I guess I thought I'd be disloyal to
Drew, but...

You want to go out tonight?

Yeah, that'd be fun.

Not just because it would upset Drew.

You know, we probably shouldn't even
tell him.

If Drew knew we were going out, it'd
kill him.

You're sending mixed signals here.
Should we tell him or not?

I'll call you later. We'll make plans.

Oh, okay.

Here's my card.

I've got my home and work number.

And on the back is a list of things I
won't do on a date.

There's nothing back here.

How about that?

Well, I'm Bill Bowen.

Hey, that smells great.

How come you cook like that for dates
but not for me?

I've already seen you naked.

So, uh, who is this mystery date? We're
not gonna be fighting over her, are we?

Hmm, it's a possibility.

Remember the code.

If there's a bra on the door, don't come
in. If there are two bras on the door,

get a room.

If there's three bras on the door, poker
night with your buddies.

If I were you...

I'd think about getting a room.

You dog, you. Still a carry.

It's a woman, right?

Yeah.

Still a carry.

Born a woman, right?

Yes.

Oh, here.

Get going.

All right, but I want to hear all the
grisly details in the morning.

Remember, you asked.

If you weren't me,

I'd be all over you.

Kind of stupid. I thought this was a
date.

What is a date? See the sparklies on my
cleavage?

I knew you were a cross -dresser. I
mean, that's fine.

But I thought on a date, since we'd be
doing man -woman stuff, and I'd be

dressed as a woman, that you'd be
dressed as a... Oh.

Well, I thought you understood this is
who I am.

I'm sorry.

No, my mistake.

Well, I've worn jeans.

But, you know, the ones with the little
zippers on the ankles.

Hey, God knows I'm a free spirit.

Lost my virginity at a carnival.

But I don't think I could be comfortable
dating a guy in a dress.

Well, I appreciate your honesty.

Hey, there's no reason why we couldn't
just hang out like friends, right?

Oh, what the hell?

I'm feeling bloated tonight anyway.

Don't ask.

And maybe later we can catch a chick
flick.

Great.

And since we're not trying to impress
each other any longer, can I take these

heels off?

Hey, man, let's give the dog some air.

The last hockey game my senior year,
we're playing Willoughby South, 30

on the clock in overtime.

I hip -check their goons, steal the
puck, score the winning goal, and still

it to Lane Bryant's Moonlight Madness
sale.

Oh, we missed the movie.

Oh, I'm not missing it.

Me neither.

Can I get some more coffee?

No, I'm fine, thanks.

Whoops, I'm naked.

Can I try some of that?

Oh, sure.

What are

you

doing in the backyard?

Oh, Steve must be still in there with
his steak.

A lot of vomit for a raccoon.

Steve was kissing Mimi?

With his face?

Against her face?

With their lips? I know what kissing is.

What did Steve say about it?

I didn't say to find out.

I went to the first church I could find
and I asked the priest if it was okay

for me to hate my brother because he was
dating my enemy.

He told me to get out and take my
empties with me.

What are you going to do?

I don't think you should do anything.

I think you should encourage their love
because they'd sure make funny babies.

I've got to put a stop to this. It's
wrong.

Andrew, if Steve wants to date Mimi,
he's going to date her.

I'd like to think that for every...

Short a man, there's a short a woman.

Drew, why is it so hard for you to
accept that Steve might just actually

her?

Look, I believe that we'll all live in
space someday.

I believe there's an angel that watches
over every one of us.

I believe that someday I'm even going to
go hiking.

There's no way I can believe that Steve
is attracted to Mimi. In fact, I forbid

it. Is this going to make him want to
see Mimi even more?

Yeah, maybe you're right.

Remember when that guidance counselor
told us about the evils of drinking?

Did Mr. heard me?

having sex with another man in a dress?

Oh, my God.

Drew?

What are you doing home so early? Home?
This isn't my

home. This is the place where the
horrifying incident happened.

I'm sorry. We didn't plan for that to
happen.

You know, I saw you two kissing the
other night.

And he didn't say anything. He was
like...

I thought it would go away.

No, I meant messing up your kitchen. One
thing led to another. We started out on

the couch.

How could you do this to me?

With Mimi? And in the room where I keep
my perishables?

Well, well, well, piggish interruptus.

Drew saw us kissing the other night.

So you were the sick raccoon?

I knew scavengers had more respect for
their bodies than to eat crap like that.

You know, Steve, there's a hundred
million women in this country. Why

you have picked one?

Hey, I'll thank you not to talk that way
in front of my lady.

Yeah, I've got plenty of bon mots I
could cram up your drainpipe right now.

But I'm dancing on endorphins, so don't
let the door hit your curly tail on the

way out.

Oh, so I can't talk that way to your
lady, but she can talk that way to your

brother? Well, honey, he has a point. It
is his house.

Well, you wouldn't even be here if he
hadn't laid you off. Stand up to him.

are you, a man or a carry?

Oh, now she's making fun of our family.

What's next, America?

Drew, back off. I can handle her.

Handle me? Oh, you can handle me? Can't
we please just go back to your house and

finish our date?

Oh, I finished my date. I was just
helping you finish yours.

So, you gay yet?

He's still on the couch.

He'll have to step out of it. He'll be
out of the house in a week.

A broken heart knows no calendar.

God, six, be a man about this.

Go upstairs, shave, put some makeup on,
and get on with your life.

Oh, you think makeup will make me feel
better? Well, gee, maybe you're right.

There! You happy now?

I just miss Mimi.

Look, it's not even on straight.

I mean, she's like no other woman I've
ever known. She's honest, she doesn't

give a damn about what people think, and
she makes me feel good about myself.

Do you know what she said just before we
made love?

No one can hear you scream?

She said, underneath that dress, you're
all man.

I hope you return the compliment.

Oh, so that's what happened to Baby
Jane.

I'm sorry.

Sharon, what's up?

Ah, Steve hired me to black out the
windows in his bedroom.

Well, I've got no sunshine in my life. I
should have no sunshine in my room.

Look, if your dad woke up about Mimi,
just call him.

You're right.

But Drew and Mimi still hate each other,
so it's just hopeless.

I'm trying to cheer him up.

What the hell did your parents do to you
two?

Steve, either I work or I need someone
to talk to about my love life.

There, reorganize them. And when you're
done with that, paint the store.

Look.

You know how I am about men.

I mean, I could just love them and leave
them.

But this guy's different.

Will it make me look less attractive?
Yes.

Apologize about a fight we had.

I'll tell you what's unattractive.

This new Mimi that's paralyzed by fear.

What happened to that go -getter that
went out there and grabbed life by the

arse with both hands and pulled it
close?

Don't just talk about it. Do it. Get
your groove back, Stella.

Mimi, have a cup.

Yeah,

what's with the tape recorder?

Well, I knew if we talked face -to
-face, it would be a fight, so I went to

war call last night, and I put all my
feelings down on this cassette tape.

Give it a listen. I'm sure it will speak
for itself.

Hello?

Me? Me?

Mimi? Hey, listen.

The idea, you know, of my brother and
you together, you know, it

makes me sick.

But, you know, it makes him happy.

Back together with my brother.

Because he really, he really misses you.

Hey, can I have some more tequila over
here?

Oh,

no, I'm all right. I'm all right.

After that, I got a little sloppy, but I
get the

point.

Well, if he misses me so much, how come
he hasn't called me?

Same reason you haven't called him.

You're both stubborn, ugly women.

You see, that's the problem right there.
It's not Steve and I. We get along just

fine if it wasn't for you. You're the
problem. I'm the problem? What do you

me to do, put a bullet in my head?

Well, I wouldn't ask for me, but, you
know, mean a lot to Steve.

Look, here's the deal.

My brother is the most important person
in my life, and I would do anything to

make him happy, including this.

You go ahead and date Steve, and we're
all around him. We'll keep it together

for his sake.

Okay. Thank God you're here.

Damn it. Are you going to come down on
me later like the hammer of God?

Are you two fighting again?

No, no, no. We made our peace.

Look, I'm stepping out of this. You want
to date her, fine.

You have my blessings.

Thanks, bro.

And if there's anything I can ever do
for you... Yeah, you can have the couch

professionally cleaned.

Well, if you two can make up, I guess
we've got a chance.

Of course we do.

I can never stay mad at you, you crazy
bitch.

Oh, look at that.

If this were a video, I'd return it.

Back to more beer.

Ah, great. Soup will be ready in about
five minutes.

So when's Drew getting the couch back?

The priest says you never know with an
exorcism.

Uh, Oswald, are you sure Drew wants you
to be doing that?

Yeah, he said he's never coming in here
again.