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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:01,679 --> 00:00:03,360 How'd you trip in? Was it okay? Was the traffic alright? 2 00:00:03,560 --> 00:00:05,060 What time did you get up this morning? What'd you have for breakfast? 3 00:00:05,280 --> 00:00:06,460 I had eggs. You like eggs? 4 00:00:06,660 --> 00:00:07,660 I like mine over easy. 5 00:00:07,720 --> 00:00:09,080 Get the hell away from me! 6 00:00:14,600 --> 00:00:18,440 I guess this is you getting back at me for the fake, fake dog poop incident. 7 00:00:21,360 --> 00:00:23,620 Yeah, I guess it is pretty lame. That's all there is to it. 8 00:00:33,559 --> 00:00:34,600 My desk! 9 00:00:44,700 --> 00:00:45,700 Ha! 10 00:00:52,720 --> 00:00:55,460 Everything you got belonged to the company. 11 00:01:05,129 --> 00:01:06,230 Actually, it's a cold cream pie. 12 00:01:06,970 --> 00:01:07,970 Cold cream! 13 00:01:10,150 --> 00:01:11,150 Uh, 14 00:01:12,830 --> 00:01:16,670 just so you appreciate the beauty of this, Mimi, all of this was just an 15 00:01:16,670 --> 00:01:18,950 elaborate ploy to get you to stand right there. 16 00:01:19,330 --> 00:01:22,530 You were like angry, day -glow putty in my hands. 17 00:01:22,950 --> 00:01:24,230 I'll get back at you for this. 18 00:01:24,470 --> 00:01:27,150 From hell's heart, I stab at thee big! 19 00:01:27,450 --> 00:01:28,229 You know what? 20 00:01:28,230 --> 00:01:31,310 The best part? You can never top this as long as you live. Never! 21 00:01:31,810 --> 00:01:32,810 I'm going to get the expense. 22 00:01:32,890 --> 00:01:35,030 Look how elaborate this is. I've been here since 2 in the morning setting this 23 00:01:35,030 --> 00:01:37,670 up. You can never top this as long as you live. 24 00:01:37,890 --> 00:01:40,410 What are you going to do, huh? What? What? What are you going to do? Send me 25 00:01:40,410 --> 00:01:41,410 the moon? 26 00:02:13,190 --> 00:02:14,190 My head hurt. 27 00:02:15,590 --> 00:02:16,690 How am I, man? 28 00:02:18,070 --> 00:02:19,210 This is a big wall. 29 00:02:21,290 --> 00:02:22,290 Hey. 30 00:02:24,970 --> 00:02:25,970 Hey. 31 00:02:26,390 --> 00:02:30,350 I don't know if this is going to sound stupid, but can you tell me where I am? 32 00:02:31,350 --> 00:02:37,470 I don't know who Tim Badoni is, but I just want to speak Chinese, and I was 33 00:02:37,470 --> 00:02:41,970 wondering what I was doing on this big wall, and why you're speaking... 34 00:02:46,350 --> 00:02:48,430 Chinese. There is no way. 35 00:02:48,890 --> 00:02:49,890 No way. 36 00:02:50,170 --> 00:02:51,650 This is crazy. What am I, dreaming? 37 00:02:53,930 --> 00:02:54,930 Okay. 38 00:02:55,630 --> 00:02:56,630 That's Tim Badoni. 39 00:02:58,030 --> 00:03:00,210 Listen, how could this happen? 40 00:03:01,330 --> 00:03:03,990 I was at the airport, and I was waiting to go to Winnipeg on a conference. 41 00:03:04,390 --> 00:03:06,010 A beautiful woman asked to buy me a drink. 42 00:03:06,730 --> 00:03:10,290 Oh, what am I, crazy? Why would a woman ever buy me a drink? 43 00:03:12,620 --> 00:03:13,620 Thanks for not laughing. 44 00:03:13,700 --> 00:03:14,700 Listen, 45 00:03:16,480 --> 00:03:19,520 if I give you my money or... Where's my wallet? 46 00:03:20,180 --> 00:03:21,180 My passport. 47 00:03:21,500 --> 00:03:22,500 What the heck is this? 48 00:03:25,060 --> 00:03:25,999 Hey, Drew. 49 00:03:26,000 --> 00:03:27,000 It's Mimi. 50 00:03:27,600 --> 00:03:28,640 Now we're even. 51 00:03:30,160 --> 00:03:34,300 By the way, you also have an anti -Chinese slogan on your back. You might 52 00:03:34,300 --> 00:03:35,300 to take it off. 53 00:03:42,730 --> 00:03:43,810 Maybe somebody around here can help me. 54 00:03:44,790 --> 00:03:45,790 Timidoni! 55 00:03:47,050 --> 00:03:48,050 Timidoni! 56 00:03:48,730 --> 00:03:49,730 Tim! 57 00:03:49,970 --> 00:03:50,970 Timidoni! 58 00:03:51,190 --> 00:03:52,190 Timidoni! 59 00:03:57,310 --> 00:04:02,130 What's going on? How come we're stopping? 60 00:04:02,470 --> 00:04:03,470 Where are we? 61 00:04:04,030 --> 00:04:05,050 Timidoni. Timidoni. 62 00:04:05,290 --> 00:04:09,010 Oh, Timidoni. Ha, ha, ha. Okay, thank you very much. Thanks for the ride. 63 00:04:10,210 --> 00:04:11,210 Timidoni. 64 00:04:11,470 --> 00:04:12,670 Anybody here speak English? 65 00:04:13,590 --> 00:04:14,590 English, anybody? 66 00:04:14,990 --> 00:04:16,329 I need a phone booth. 67 00:04:16,769 --> 00:04:17,769 I have to pee. 68 00:04:18,130 --> 00:04:19,410 Those are two separate thoughts. 69 00:04:20,750 --> 00:04:21,750 Do you speak English? 70 00:04:22,029 --> 00:04:23,030 Oh, yeah. 71 00:04:24,790 --> 00:04:30,250 Thank God you're here. I'm like a million miles from home. 72 00:04:30,610 --> 00:04:31,990 You're from Alpha Centauri? 73 00:04:32,830 --> 00:04:36,330 Yes. Now give me the phone before I blow up this pebble called Earth. 74 00:04:36,710 --> 00:04:38,590 I'm sorry. There was a stone. 75 00:04:38,830 --> 00:04:40,110 The phones do not work. 76 00:04:40,960 --> 00:04:41,960 Oh, man. 77 00:04:43,160 --> 00:04:44,160 I'm Drew. 78 00:04:44,440 --> 00:04:45,440 I'm Ming. 79 00:04:45,520 --> 00:04:47,560 Listen, can you tell me where the American Embassy is? 80 00:04:48,200 --> 00:04:49,420 Oh, that's in Beijing. 81 00:04:49,920 --> 00:04:51,460 It's 200 miles from here. 82 00:04:53,040 --> 00:04:54,220 That's just great. 83 00:04:54,920 --> 00:04:56,080 I guess I showed them. 84 00:04:56,360 --> 00:04:58,220 I said I would die alone in my house. 85 00:04:59,260 --> 00:05:00,380 Maybe I can help you. 86 00:05:01,020 --> 00:05:02,020 Can you sell chickens? 87 00:05:02,940 --> 00:05:05,740 Well, once at the fair, I beat one playing tic -tac -toe, so I know how 88 00:05:05,740 --> 00:05:08,640 think. My father has a booth at the market. 89 00:05:09,450 --> 00:05:10,770 You could work for the best money. 90 00:05:13,530 --> 00:05:14,690 Okay. Sure. 91 00:05:15,030 --> 00:05:18,270 Thanks. Come on. I will introduce you to my family. 92 00:05:18,650 --> 00:05:20,450 We'll try to find a place for you to sleep. 93 00:05:21,030 --> 00:05:22,030 Thank you. 94 00:05:22,450 --> 00:05:23,450 Hey, listen. 95 00:05:23,910 --> 00:05:27,250 Maybe later after the chicken shop closes, maybe me and you could get 96 00:05:27,470 --> 00:05:28,470 Sorry, Joe. 97 00:05:28,490 --> 00:05:29,490 I'm seeing someone. 98 00:05:29,970 --> 00:05:32,910 Oh. Hey, two continents down, five to go. 99 00:05:35,890 --> 00:05:37,050 Anybody find any clues? 100 00:05:37,390 --> 00:05:38,880 Hey. Hey, here's the state plan. 101 00:05:40,080 --> 00:05:41,080 Let's see. 102 00:05:41,740 --> 00:05:42,800 Meet gang at Warsaw. 103 00:05:43,920 --> 00:05:45,140 Meet gang at Warsaw. 104 00:05:46,580 --> 00:05:47,960 Meet gang at Warsaw. 105 00:05:48,980 --> 00:05:50,640 Can you imagine anything more pathetic? 106 00:05:51,520 --> 00:05:52,980 Yeah, we're the gang. 107 00:05:58,920 --> 00:05:59,920 Hi, 108 00:06:01,240 --> 00:06:03,540 everybody. Beautiful day, isn't it? 109 00:06:06,100 --> 00:06:07,100 Oh, my God. 110 00:06:07,370 --> 00:06:08,370 She killed him. 111 00:06:10,310 --> 00:06:12,910 So, Mimi, any idea where Drew might be? 112 00:06:13,430 --> 00:06:16,610 Yeah, he's in... Winnipeg. 113 00:06:18,070 --> 00:06:19,270 We called. He isn't there. 114 00:06:19,890 --> 00:06:22,430 Oh, well, maybe he went out for a Chinese. 115 00:06:24,750 --> 00:06:27,030 Uh, come on, Mimi. You know something. 116 00:06:27,730 --> 00:06:30,610 Well, even if I did, I wouldn't tell you for all the tea in China. 117 00:06:32,330 --> 00:06:34,950 Mimi, I didn't care to go over these files. When did you think he was coming 118 00:06:34,950 --> 00:06:35,950 back from Winnipeg? 119 00:06:36,090 --> 00:06:38,150 He's not in Winnipeg. We think maybe he's done something to him. 120 00:06:38,590 --> 00:06:41,770 Why would I do something to Drew? Our relationship is so sweet. 121 00:06:42,250 --> 00:06:43,770 Well, sometimes it's sour. 122 00:06:45,810 --> 00:06:47,910 Good God, woman, you sent him to China? 123 00:06:50,230 --> 00:06:51,710 See, he got it in one. 124 00:06:57,330 --> 00:06:59,350 China. No, that's impossible. 125 00:07:00,150 --> 00:07:03,690 Not if your daddy's got a trucking company that does international 126 00:07:04,250 --> 00:07:07,430 Then all you have to do is ask your daddy's secretary to flirt with a geek 127 00:07:07,430 --> 00:07:11,010 the airport, slip him a mickey. Next thing you know, he's in a crate of 128 00:07:11,010 --> 00:07:12,950 Thighmasters on their way to China. 129 00:07:15,550 --> 00:07:16,550 Ironic, ain't it? 130 00:07:18,010 --> 00:07:19,970 My God, Mimi, that's kidnapping. 131 00:07:20,410 --> 00:07:22,230 You could get into serious trouble. 132 00:07:22,950 --> 00:07:23,950 Gary in China. 133 00:07:25,350 --> 00:07:26,350 Excuse me. 134 00:07:33,610 --> 00:07:36,370 Well, I'm sure he's bought himself a ticket and he's on his way back right 135 00:07:39,390 --> 00:07:40,390 What else? 136 00:07:40,610 --> 00:07:41,610 This is so good. 137 00:07:42,750 --> 00:07:47,470 We took his wallet and his passport and we left him in the middle of China to 138 00:07:47,470 --> 00:07:48,470 die. 139 00:07:50,270 --> 00:07:56,450 At least we know he's in China. Now all we got to do is figure out how to get 140 00:07:56,450 --> 00:07:57,349 him out. Right. 141 00:07:57,350 --> 00:07:58,930 Wait a minute. How do you get a guy out of China? 142 00:08:14,059 --> 00:08:15,660 Why don't we have the boys take her out back and clean her up for you? 143 00:08:17,880 --> 00:08:19,740 You know, when you were first married, you would have bought one of these for 144 00:08:19,740 --> 00:08:20,740 her, no questions asked. 145 00:08:22,120 --> 00:08:23,120 How are you doing? 146 00:08:23,520 --> 00:08:24,840 Terrible. I only sold one chicken. 147 00:08:25,560 --> 00:08:27,300 And by the way, which Chinese for I'll take one? 148 00:08:28,620 --> 00:08:29,620 Oh, 149 00:08:30,220 --> 00:08:31,880 I guess I could have sold a bunch of them then. 150 00:08:33,080 --> 00:08:34,260 How did you sleep last night? 151 00:08:34,640 --> 00:08:36,140 I hope you didn't mind sharing a room. 152 00:08:36,580 --> 00:08:37,580 No, it was fine. 153 00:08:37,900 --> 00:08:40,520 I guess your grandmother loves your grandfather very much, huh? 154 00:08:41,179 --> 00:08:42,299 Oh, I'm sorry. 155 00:08:43,080 --> 00:08:45,500 All right. Although, towards the end, I got the idea they were just showing off. 156 00:08:47,200 --> 00:08:49,900 Don't worry, Joel. You can stay as long as you need to. 157 00:08:50,560 --> 00:08:51,560 Oh, that's okay. 158 00:08:51,700 --> 00:08:53,740 I'm sure my friends are working on a way for me to get home right now. 159 00:08:54,760 --> 00:08:56,100 Chicken! Check it out, huh? 160 00:09:08,280 --> 00:09:09,400 Okay, thank you very much. 161 00:09:09,860 --> 00:09:11,200 There you go. There's your chicken. 162 00:09:11,740 --> 00:09:12,880 Thanks a lot. Okay, who's next? 163 00:09:25,760 --> 00:09:26,080 Okay, 164 00:09:26,080 --> 00:09:33,680 thanks 165 00:09:33,680 --> 00:09:35,420 for stopping by. Watch out, I'm going to check now. 166 00:09:41,130 --> 00:09:41,909 Good job. 167 00:09:41,910 --> 00:09:42,910 Here's your money. 168 00:09:43,990 --> 00:09:45,750 Oh, not much left. 169 00:09:46,350 --> 00:09:48,350 The government should do take it back, don't you? 170 00:09:48,690 --> 00:09:49,690 Be happy. 171 00:09:49,730 --> 00:09:52,730 In three weeks, you will have enough money for the bus. 172 00:09:53,110 --> 00:09:54,110 What? 173 00:09:54,610 --> 00:09:56,550 I can't wait three weeks to get to Beijing. 174 00:09:58,150 --> 00:10:01,350 I'd be happy to drive you. God sees too far. 175 00:10:03,070 --> 00:10:04,070 Oh. 176 00:10:04,530 --> 00:10:08,510 Hey, Laura, if I stay around that long, I'm going to fall in love with you. 177 00:10:09,390 --> 00:10:11,990 Get in the car. We're going to drop all night if we have to. 178 00:10:20,450 --> 00:10:23,330 Sorry, the embassy was closed, Jewel. 179 00:10:23,630 --> 00:10:24,630 It's a holiday. 180 00:10:24,910 --> 00:10:26,270 I can't believe it. Thanksgiving. 181 00:10:27,270 --> 00:10:29,810 Everybody's probably got their pants unbuckled watching the Lions play 182 00:10:29,810 --> 00:10:30,810 right now. 183 00:10:30,890 --> 00:10:32,290 Wow, some holiday. 184 00:10:32,970 --> 00:10:36,830 Yeah. Well, listen, I'll be okay. I'll just find a cheap place to stay and hit 185 00:10:36,830 --> 00:10:37,830 the embassy in the morning. 186 00:10:38,339 --> 00:10:40,420 I wish there was something I could give you to remember me by. 187 00:10:40,880 --> 00:10:41,880 Oh, hey. 188 00:10:42,400 --> 00:10:46,760 This is a very special gum. It actually cleans your teeth while you chew. 189 00:10:48,000 --> 00:10:49,540 Four to five dentists recommend it. 190 00:10:49,800 --> 00:10:52,260 Really? Yeah, well, you know, to the patients who chew gum. 191 00:10:53,240 --> 00:10:54,420 Thank you. See you. 192 00:10:54,860 --> 00:10:58,020 Hey, uh, where am I? The Forbidden City. 193 00:10:58,420 --> 00:10:59,900 Oh, sounds nice. 194 00:11:12,560 --> 00:11:15,520 Wouldn't you believe it? I'm an American, and it's Thanksgiving, the 195 00:11:15,520 --> 00:11:16,520 embassy's closed. 196 00:11:16,560 --> 00:11:18,880 I'm kind of new here in the Forbidden City, and I was wondering if there was, 197 00:11:18,920 --> 00:11:21,200 like, a Forbidden Best Western around here. 198 00:11:22,620 --> 00:11:27,660 Look, I have this much money. 199 00:11:28,000 --> 00:11:29,340 Where can I find a place to sleep? 200 00:11:30,980 --> 00:11:32,040 Uh, you know what? 201 00:11:33,860 --> 00:11:35,020 Sleeping on the park bench? 202 00:11:35,520 --> 00:11:37,460 I refuse to prove that guidance counselor right. 203 00:11:41,130 --> 00:11:42,930 I've got to find a way to make some money. 204 00:11:43,170 --> 00:11:44,170 Oh! 205 00:11:50,150 --> 00:11:55,510 Okay, everybody, direct from Cleveland, Ohio, USA, it's the amazing Sacco and 206 00:11:55,510 --> 00:11:56,950 Vanzetti! Woo! 207 00:11:57,290 --> 00:11:58,290 Yay! 208 00:11:58,550 --> 00:12:01,470 Oh, hey, Vanzetti, here we are in the Forbidden City. 209 00:12:01,870 --> 00:12:04,830 That's right, Sacco, and woo, you smell like you've been on somebody's foot for 210 00:12:04,830 --> 00:12:05,830 five days. 211 00:12:05,990 --> 00:12:06,990 Achoo! 212 00:12:09,019 --> 00:12:10,660 Oh, you like that, huh? Here, listen. Here. 213 00:12:11,460 --> 00:12:12,460 Here, 214 00:12:13,500 --> 00:12:14,500 watch this. Here we go. 215 00:12:16,980 --> 00:12:17,980 Hey, 216 00:12:19,660 --> 00:12:20,559 oh, hey, kid. 217 00:12:20,560 --> 00:12:23,400 It's okay. Go ahead. You won't hurt my pride. Let's put money in the shoe. 218 00:12:23,420 --> 00:12:24,500 look. Money. 219 00:12:25,160 --> 00:12:26,160 Shoe. 220 00:12:28,640 --> 00:12:29,640 There you go. 221 00:12:31,280 --> 00:12:32,280 Oh, 222 00:12:33,840 --> 00:12:35,100 shit! It bit my shoe! 223 00:12:36,180 --> 00:12:37,180 Oh, hello, officers. 224 00:12:38,570 --> 00:12:40,150 Okay, whatever you say. It's your thing. 225 00:12:41,410 --> 00:12:42,590 Run, run, run, run! 226 00:12:43,770 --> 00:12:44,950 Just kidding. They're socks, see? 227 00:12:45,710 --> 00:12:46,790 All right, I'll come along quietly. 228 00:12:51,190 --> 00:12:52,190 Ah, 229 00:12:57,210 --> 00:12:59,250 Mr. Carey. I speak English. 230 00:12:59,510 --> 00:13:00,429 How may I help you? 231 00:13:00,430 --> 00:13:01,610 Oh, uh, yes. 232 00:13:01,950 --> 00:13:02,950 Yes, sir. 233 00:13:02,990 --> 00:13:06,710 Uh, look, I've been in this cell all day. I don't know. 234 00:13:06,960 --> 00:13:12,740 what I've been arrested for, but if it's a crime to love this country, this fine 235 00:13:12,740 --> 00:13:18,380 lady we call China, then I am guilty as charged. 236 00:13:19,820 --> 00:13:20,880 This is not jail. 237 00:13:21,120 --> 00:13:25,000 What? This is waiting room to get a peddler's license so we can do your 238 00:13:25,000 --> 00:13:26,000 act. 239 00:13:29,820 --> 00:13:31,060 You've been here all day for nothing? 240 00:13:31,960 --> 00:13:35,000 Look, uh, I don't need a license for anything. 241 00:13:35,660 --> 00:13:36,740 I need to get back to America. 242 00:13:37,180 --> 00:13:38,180 Maybe I can help. 243 00:13:38,520 --> 00:13:39,580 Let me see your passport. 244 00:13:40,060 --> 00:13:43,220 Oh, I don't have a passport. I was drugged and put on a plane. 245 00:13:44,860 --> 00:13:45,860 From America? 246 00:13:46,220 --> 00:13:48,600 Why? It's kind of a practical joke. 247 00:13:50,080 --> 00:13:51,120 Wow, good joke. 248 00:13:59,700 --> 00:14:02,040 Look, I have to get in touch with somebody back home. 249 00:14:02,510 --> 00:14:03,510 Can we please use your phone? 250 00:14:03,690 --> 00:14:07,590 Against regulation. 251 00:14:08,550 --> 00:14:12,310 You can't use government phone for personal calls. 252 00:14:16,590 --> 00:14:21,550 If you send me one of those beaded car seat covers that massage your back, I'll 253 00:14:21,550 --> 00:14:22,550 give you one call. 254 00:14:22,930 --> 00:14:25,530 Hey, let me get out of this country and I'll massage your back myself. 255 00:14:30,990 --> 00:14:33,370 Can't I even work one day without getting hit on? 256 00:14:40,190 --> 00:14:42,130 Do you speak English or not, operator? 257 00:14:42,510 --> 00:14:45,550 Look, all I'm asking for is the phone number to the Great Wall of China. 258 00:14:47,710 --> 00:14:49,590 Oh, well, finally. Okay, go. 259 00:14:50,550 --> 00:14:54,110 Jackass 5... Hey! 260 00:14:57,230 --> 00:14:58,230 Hey, it's Drew! 261 00:14:58,250 --> 00:15:00,310 Hey, where are you, buddy? I'm in China. 262 00:15:00,910 --> 00:15:02,950 Yeah, I'm trying to get a hold of you guys. What are you doing at my house? 263 00:15:03,170 --> 00:15:05,530 Well, we're using your phone to call every major city in China. 264 00:15:07,090 --> 00:15:09,130 Okay, you have to listen to me. This is very, very important. 265 00:15:09,770 --> 00:15:10,910 Stop it. I'm not made of money. 266 00:15:12,810 --> 00:15:14,810 I'm sorry. Is that thank you in Chinese? 267 00:15:16,170 --> 00:15:19,750 Listen, Lewis, I really need your help. I want to give you a number where you 268 00:15:19,750 --> 00:15:20,910 can call me and get in touch with me. 269 00:15:21,370 --> 00:15:22,410 Okay, let me get a pencil. 270 00:15:24,030 --> 00:15:26,250 Hey, Drew, we've been up all night. What are you doing up so early? 271 00:15:27,630 --> 00:15:29,250 Not early. It's like 6 .30 at night here. 272 00:15:30,490 --> 00:15:31,490 It's tonight there already? 273 00:15:31,810 --> 00:15:33,430 Quick, give me the winning Powerball numbers. 274 00:15:37,150 --> 00:15:39,130 I'm on the future, you idiot. I'm in China. 275 00:15:39,750 --> 00:15:40,890 You mean that. 276 00:15:41,550 --> 00:15:42,790 Hello? Drew? 277 00:15:43,210 --> 00:15:44,490 Hello? Hello? 278 00:15:44,970 --> 00:15:46,670 Hello? Damn it. 279 00:15:47,350 --> 00:15:49,170 I lost him. Did he say where he was? 280 00:15:49,450 --> 00:15:50,450 No. 281 00:15:51,030 --> 00:15:54,730 Well, I didn't want to have to do this, but my old girlfriend Samantha lives in 282 00:15:54,730 --> 00:15:55,730 China. 283 00:15:57,450 --> 00:15:58,450 Is that Samantha? 284 00:15:59,050 --> 00:16:00,670 I saw her in the store just the other day. 285 00:16:01,450 --> 00:16:02,450 No. 286 00:16:03,130 --> 00:16:04,410 She moved to China. 287 00:16:05,930 --> 00:16:07,670 Otherwise, we'd still be dating. 288 00:16:15,610 --> 00:16:17,950 But I saw... No, she moved to China. 289 00:16:51,900 --> 00:16:52,900 Hi. 290 00:16:54,200 --> 00:16:55,200 Hello. 291 00:16:57,940 --> 00:16:59,900 Oh, little Chinese boy stole my shoe. 292 00:17:01,180 --> 00:17:02,620 Hasn't happened to me since I was 15. 293 00:17:05,260 --> 00:17:06,760 By the way, happy Thanksgiving. 294 00:17:08,980 --> 00:17:11,780 My mother says that today is the day you always count your blessings. 295 00:17:13,740 --> 00:17:15,099 I have a shoe. 296 00:17:15,780 --> 00:17:16,780 I have a bench. 297 00:17:17,540 --> 00:17:18,560 I have an old woman. 298 00:17:20,420 --> 00:17:21,420 That was a... 299 00:17:21,700 --> 00:17:23,619 Tired, one -legged old man, I'd be really happy right now. 300 00:17:28,800 --> 00:17:29,800 What is that? 301 00:17:29,940 --> 00:17:30,940 Where'd you get that? 302 00:17:33,360 --> 00:17:33,699 Oh, 303 00:17:33,700 --> 00:17:46,060 man, 304 00:17:46,260 --> 00:17:47,260 I don't know what to do first. 305 00:17:47,500 --> 00:17:51,200 Kiss your freshly mopped floors or use your sanitized bathrooms with total 306 00:17:51,200 --> 00:17:52,200 confidence. 307 00:17:52,780 --> 00:17:54,540 Oh, is that it yet? I don't know what I'll do. 308 00:17:54,940 --> 00:17:55,940 Hey. 309 00:17:56,500 --> 00:17:57,740 Give me anything up there. I don't care. 310 00:17:58,620 --> 00:17:59,780 Big Mac. Give me a Big Mac. 311 00:18:02,120 --> 00:18:03,120 Not enough. 312 00:18:04,540 --> 00:18:10,080 Wow. I never thought I'd use this in real life, but I will gladly pay you 313 00:18:10,080 --> 00:18:11,740 Tuesday for a hamburger today. 314 00:18:13,700 --> 00:18:16,480 Let me talk to your manager. Manager? I have a manager. Please. 315 00:18:17,640 --> 00:18:18,479 I'm starving. 316 00:18:18,480 --> 00:18:20,680 Hey, hey, kid. Look over there so I can see one of your fries. 317 00:18:23,260 --> 00:18:24,260 I am the manager. 318 00:18:24,540 --> 00:18:26,020 How can McDonald's help you? 319 00:18:26,800 --> 00:18:29,960 I'm an American businessman. I was kidnapped by a Western devil woman and 320 00:18:29,960 --> 00:18:30,960 to China without a passport. 321 00:18:32,020 --> 00:18:33,220 I would like a free hamburger. 322 00:18:35,080 --> 00:18:35,939 Oh, wait. 323 00:18:35,940 --> 00:18:37,200 Let me look on the menu. 324 00:18:38,960 --> 00:18:40,920 Nope. No free hamburgers. 325 00:18:42,440 --> 00:18:45,920 How hard can it be for a multinational corporation with restaurants all over 326 00:18:45,920 --> 00:18:46,920 world... 327 00:18:48,750 --> 00:18:49,750 You can help me. 328 00:18:49,790 --> 00:18:50,990 You can help me get back to America. 329 00:18:51,490 --> 00:18:53,470 What? We can't help you get back to America. 330 00:18:53,830 --> 00:18:57,110 We're just a restaurant. No, no, no. You're McDonald's. No, no, no. No, see, 331 00:18:57,210 --> 00:18:58,210 listen. 332 00:18:58,350 --> 00:18:59,530 McDonald's has always been there for me. 333 00:18:59,790 --> 00:19:02,790 My first job was at a McDonald's. My last job is probably going to be at a 334 00:19:02,790 --> 00:19:05,030 McDonald's. You can't let me down now when I need you the most. 335 00:19:06,170 --> 00:19:08,070 Sorry. I cannot help you. 336 00:19:24,110 --> 00:19:25,750 Scrub the bottom and top. 337 00:19:27,410 --> 00:19:29,070 When you're finished with that. 338 00:19:55,560 --> 00:19:56,560 Something I can do for you. 339 00:19:57,900 --> 00:20:00,260 Here is the number of our customer service office. 340 00:20:00,660 --> 00:20:04,200 I'm pretty sure they can connect you with the right people to get you home. 341 00:20:04,560 --> 00:20:05,800 Oh, man, I'm going home. 342 00:20:06,500 --> 00:20:09,880 Hey, can I have a free Big Mac, too? 343 00:20:10,300 --> 00:20:11,300 No. 344 00:20:11,400 --> 00:20:12,400 But you know what? 345 00:20:12,440 --> 00:20:13,540 I will buy you one. 346 00:20:15,120 --> 00:20:16,120 Just one? 347 00:20:17,180 --> 00:20:18,220 All right. 348 00:20:18,540 --> 00:20:19,540 Two. 349 00:20:20,520 --> 00:20:22,300 Oh, it's going to make me awfully thirsty. 350 00:20:24,780 --> 00:20:27,060 I'm starting to figure out why they kicked you out of America. 351 00:20:28,520 --> 00:20:29,780 Grab those up and go for me, will you? 352 00:20:30,140 --> 00:20:31,140 Because I am... 353 00:21:16,270 --> 00:21:17,290 Chicken! Chicken! Check it out! 354 00:21:17,490 --> 00:21:18,490 Chicken! Chicken! 355 00:21:18,730 --> 00:21:22,490 Even anthrax can survive in the... We got the chicken! 356 00:21:23,130 --> 00:21:24,130 Come on now! 357 00:21:24,550 --> 00:21:26,470 Chicken! Chicken! Chicken! 358 00:21:26,750 --> 00:21:28,870 Ever afters, all you need is chicken. 359 00:21:32,270 --> 00:21:35,370 Hey lady, chicken, come on! What do you say? Chicken! 24645