Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:00,001 --> 00:00:03,559
How'd you trip in? Was it okay? Was the
traffic alright?
2
00:00:03,560 --> 00:00:05,279
What time did you get up this morning?
What'd you have for breakfast?
3
00:00:05,280 --> 00:00:06,480
I had eggs. You like eggs?
4
00:00:06,660 --> 00:00:07,710
I like mine over easy.
5
00:00:07,720 --> 00:00:09,080
Get the hell away from me!
6
00:00:14,600 --> 00:00:18,440
I guess this is you getting back at me
for the fake, fake dog poop incident.
7
00:00:21,360 --> 00:00:24,130
Yeah, I guess it is pretty lame. That's
all there is to it.
8
00:00:33,559 --> 00:00:34,609
My desk!
9
00:00:44,700 --> 00:00:45,750
Ha!
10
00:00:52,720 --> 00:00:55,460
Everything you got belonged to the
company.
11
00:01:05,129 --> 00:01:06,689
Actually, it's a cold cream pie.
12
00:01:06,970 --> 00:01:08,020
Cold cream!
13
00:01:10,150 --> 00:01:11,200
Uh,
14
00:01:12,830 --> 00:01:16,669
just so you appreciate the beauty of
this, Mimi, all of this was just an
15
00:01:16,670 --> 00:01:19,020
elaborate ploy to get you to stand right
there.
16
00:01:19,330 --> 00:01:22,530
You were like angry, day -glow putty in
my hands.
17
00:01:22,950 --> 00:01:24,330
I'll get back at you for this.
18
00:01:24,470 --> 00:01:27,150
From hell's heart, I stab at thee big!
19
00:01:27,151 --> 00:01:28,229
You know what?
20
00:01:28,230 --> 00:01:31,360
The best part? You can never top this as
long as you live. Never!
21
00:01:31,361 --> 00:01:32,889
I'm going to get the expense.
22
00:01:32,890 --> 00:01:35,029
Look how elaborate this is. I've been
here since 2 in the morning setting this
23
00:01:35,030 --> 00:01:37,670
up. You can never top this as long as
you live.
24
00:01:37,671 --> 00:01:40,409
What are you going to do, huh? What?
What? What are you going to do? Send me
25
00:01:40,410 --> 00:01:41,460
the moon?
26
00:02:13,190 --> 00:02:14,240
My head hurt.
27
00:02:15,590 --> 00:02:16,690
How am I, man?
28
00:02:18,070 --> 00:02:19,210
This is a big wall.
29
00:02:21,290 --> 00:02:22,340
Hey.
30
00:02:24,970 --> 00:02:26,020
Hey.
31
00:02:26,390 --> 00:02:30,350
I don't know if this is going to sound
stupid, but can you tell me where I am?
32
00:02:31,350 --> 00:02:37,469
I don't know who Tim Badoni is, but I
just want to speak Chinese, and I was
33
00:02:37,470 --> 00:02:41,970
wondering what I was doing on this big
wall, and why you're speaking...
34
00:02:46,350 --> 00:02:48,430
Chinese. There is no way.
35
00:02:48,890 --> 00:02:49,940
No way.
36
00:02:50,170 --> 00:02:51,850
This is crazy. What am I, dreaming?
37
00:02:53,930 --> 00:02:54,980
Okay.
38
00:02:55,630 --> 00:02:56,680
That's Tim Badoni.
39
00:02:58,030 --> 00:03:00,210
Listen, how could this happen?
40
00:03:00,211 --> 00:03:04,389
I was at the airport, and I was waiting
to go to Winnipeg on a conference.
41
00:03:04,390 --> 00:03:06,440
A beautiful woman asked to buy me a
drink.
42
00:03:06,730 --> 00:03:10,290
Oh, what am I, crazy? Why would a woman
ever buy me a drink?
43
00:03:11,421 --> 00:03:13,699
Thanks for not laughing.
44
00:03:13,700 --> 00:03:14,750
Listen,
45
00:03:16,480 --> 00:03:19,520
if I give you my money or... Where's my
wallet?
46
00:03:20,180 --> 00:03:21,230
My passport.
47
00:03:21,500 --> 00:03:22,580
What the heck is this?
48
00:03:24,011 --> 00:03:25,999
Hey, Drew.
49
00:03:26,000 --> 00:03:27,050
It's Mimi.
50
00:03:27,600 --> 00:03:28,650
Now we're even.
51
00:03:30,160 --> 00:03:34,299
By the way, you also have an anti
-Chinese slogan on your back. You might
52
00:03:34,300 --> 00:03:35,350
to take it off.
53
00:03:42,730 --> 00:03:44,650
Maybe somebody around here can help me.
54
00:03:44,790 --> 00:03:45,840
Timidoni!
55
00:03:47,050 --> 00:03:48,100
Timidoni!
56
00:03:48,730 --> 00:03:49,780
Tim!
57
00:03:49,970 --> 00:03:51,020
Timidoni!
58
00:03:51,190 --> 00:03:52,240
Timidoni!
59
00:03:57,310 --> 00:04:02,130
What's going on? How come we're
stopping?
60
00:04:02,470 --> 00:04:03,520
Where are we?
61
00:04:04,030 --> 00:04:05,080
Timidoni. Timidoni.
62
00:04:05,290 --> 00:04:09,010
Oh, Timidoni. Ha, ha, ha. Okay, thank
you very much. Thanks for the ride.
63
00:04:10,210 --> 00:04:11,260
Timidoni.
64
00:04:11,470 --> 00:04:12,910
Anybody here speak English?
65
00:04:13,590 --> 00:04:14,640
English, anybody?
66
00:04:14,990 --> 00:04:16,329
I need a phone booth.
67
00:04:16,769 --> 00:04:17,819
I have to pee.
68
00:04:18,130 --> 00:04:19,750
Those are two separate thoughts.
69
00:04:20,750 --> 00:04:21,830
Do you speak English?
70
00:04:22,029 --> 00:04:23,079
Oh, yeah.
71
00:04:24,790 --> 00:04:30,250
Thank God you're here. I'm like a
million miles from home.
72
00:04:30,610 --> 00:04:32,050
You're from Alpha Centauri?
73
00:04:32,830 --> 00:04:36,330
Yes. Now give me the phone before I blow
up this pebble called Earth.
74
00:04:36,710 --> 00:04:38,590
I'm sorry. There was a stone.
75
00:04:38,830 --> 00:04:40,110
The phones do not work.
76
00:04:40,960 --> 00:04:42,010
Oh, man.
77
00:04:43,160 --> 00:04:44,210
I'm Drew.
78
00:04:44,440 --> 00:04:45,490
I'm Ming.
79
00:04:45,491 --> 00:04:48,199
Listen, can you tell me where the
American Embassy is?
80
00:04:48,200 --> 00:04:49,420
Oh, that's in Beijing.
81
00:04:49,920 --> 00:04:51,460
It's 200 miles from here.
82
00:04:53,040 --> 00:04:54,220
That's just great.
83
00:04:54,920 --> 00:04:56,080
I guess I showed them.
84
00:04:56,360 --> 00:04:58,220
I said I would die alone in my house.
85
00:04:59,260 --> 00:05:00,380
Maybe I can help you.
86
00:05:01,020 --> 00:05:02,160
Can you sell chickens?
87
00:05:02,161 --> 00:05:05,739
Well, once at the fair, I beat one
playing tic -tac -toe, so I know how
88
00:05:05,740 --> 00:05:08,640
think. My father has a booth at the
market.
89
00:05:09,450 --> 00:05:11,070
You could work for the best money.
90
00:05:13,530 --> 00:05:14,690
Okay. Sure.
91
00:05:15,030 --> 00:05:18,270
Thanks. Come on. I will introduce you to
my family.
92
00:05:18,650 --> 00:05:20,700
We'll try to find a place for you to
sleep.
93
00:05:21,030 --> 00:05:22,080
Thank you.
94
00:05:22,450 --> 00:05:23,500
Hey, listen.
95
00:05:23,910 --> 00:05:27,400
Maybe later after the chicken shop
closes, maybe me and you could get
96
00:05:27,401 --> 00:05:28,489
Sorry, Joe.
97
00:05:28,490 --> 00:05:29,540
I'm seeing someone.
98
00:05:29,970 --> 00:05:32,910
Oh. Hey, two continents down, five to
go.
99
00:05:35,890 --> 00:05:37,090
Anybody find any clues?
100
00:05:37,390 --> 00:05:38,890
Hey. Hey, here's the state plan.
101
00:05:40,080 --> 00:05:41,130
Let's see.
102
00:05:41,740 --> 00:05:42,800
Meet gang at Warsaw.
103
00:05:43,920 --> 00:05:45,140
Meet gang at Warsaw.
104
00:05:46,580 --> 00:05:47,960
Meet gang at Warsaw.
105
00:05:48,980 --> 00:05:51,020
Can you imagine anything more pathetic?
106
00:05:51,520 --> 00:05:52,980
Yeah, we're the gang.
107
00:05:58,920 --> 00:05:59,970
Hi,
108
00:06:01,240 --> 00:06:03,540
everybody. Beautiful day, isn't it?
109
00:06:06,100 --> 00:06:07,150
Oh, my God.
110
00:06:07,370 --> 00:06:08,420
She killed him.
111
00:06:10,310 --> 00:06:12,910
So, Mimi, any idea where Drew might be?
112
00:06:13,430 --> 00:06:16,610
Yeah, he's in... Winnipeg.
113
00:06:18,070 --> 00:06:19,270
We called. He isn't there.
114
00:06:19,890 --> 00:06:22,430
Oh, well, maybe he went out for a
Chinese.
115
00:06:24,750 --> 00:06:27,030
Uh, come on, Mimi. You know something.
116
00:06:27,730 --> 00:06:30,860
Well, even if I did, I wouldn't tell you
for all the tea in China.
117
00:06:30,861 --> 00:06:34,949
Mimi, I didn't care to go over these
files. When did you think he was coming
118
00:06:34,950 --> 00:06:36,000
back from Winnipeg?
119
00:06:36,001 --> 00:06:38,589
He's not in Winnipeg. We think maybe
he's done something to him.
120
00:06:38,590 --> 00:06:41,770
Why would I do something to Drew? Our
relationship is so sweet.
121
00:06:42,250 --> 00:06:43,770
Well, sometimes it's sour.
122
00:06:45,810 --> 00:06:47,910
Good God, woman, you sent him to China?
123
00:06:50,230 --> 00:06:51,710
See, he got it in one.
124
00:06:57,330 --> 00:06:59,350
China. No, that's impossible.
125
00:07:00,150 --> 00:07:03,690
Not if your daddy's got a trucking
company that does international
126
00:07:03,691 --> 00:07:07,429
Then all you have to do is ask your
daddy's secretary to flirt with a geek
127
00:07:07,430 --> 00:07:11,009
the airport, slip him a mickey. Next
thing you know, he's in a crate of
128
00:07:11,010 --> 00:07:12,950
Thighmasters on their way to China.
129
00:07:15,550 --> 00:07:16,600
Ironic, ain't it?
130
00:07:18,010 --> 00:07:19,970
My God, Mimi, that's kidnapping.
131
00:07:20,410 --> 00:07:22,230
You could get into serious trouble.
132
00:07:22,950 --> 00:07:24,000
Gary in China.
133
00:07:25,350 --> 00:07:26,400
Excuse me.
134
00:07:33,610 --> 00:07:37,280
Well, I'm sure he's bought himself a
ticket and he's on his way back right
135
00:07:39,390 --> 00:07:40,440
What else?
136
00:07:40,610 --> 00:07:41,660
This is so good.
137
00:07:42,750 --> 00:07:47,469
We took his wallet and his passport and
we left him in the middle of China to
138
00:07:47,470 --> 00:07:48,520
die.
139
00:07:50,270 --> 00:07:56,449
At least we know he's in China. Now all
we got to do is figure out how to get
140
00:07:56,450 --> 00:07:57,349
him out. Right.
141
00:07:57,350 --> 00:07:59,640
Wait a minute. How do you get a guy out
of China?
142
00:08:14,059 --> 00:08:17,429
Why don't we have the boys take her out
back and clean her up for you?
143
00:08:17,430 --> 00:08:19,739
You know, when you were first married,
you would have bought one of these for
144
00:08:19,740 --> 00:08:20,940
her, no questions asked.
145
00:08:22,120 --> 00:08:23,170
How are you doing?
146
00:08:23,520 --> 00:08:25,140
Terrible. I only sold one chicken.
147
00:08:25,560 --> 00:08:27,970
And by the way, which Chinese for I'll
take one?
148
00:08:28,620 --> 00:08:29,670
Oh,
149
00:08:30,220 --> 00:08:32,450
I guess I could have sold a bunch of
them then.
150
00:08:33,080 --> 00:08:34,520
How did you sleep last night?
151
00:08:34,640 --> 00:08:36,440
I hope you didn't mind sharing a room.
152
00:08:36,580 --> 00:08:37,630
No, it was fine.
153
00:08:37,631 --> 00:08:41,178
I guess your grandmother loves your
grandfather very much, huh?
154
00:08:41,179 --> 00:08:42,299
Oh, I'm sorry.
155
00:08:43,080 --> 00:08:46,990
All right. Although, towards the end, I
got the idea they were just showing off.
156
00:08:47,200 --> 00:08:49,900
Don't worry, Joel. You can stay as long
as you need to.
157
00:08:50,560 --> 00:08:51,610
Oh, that's okay.
158
00:08:51,611 --> 00:08:54,759
I'm sure my friends are working on a way
for me to get home right now.
159
00:08:54,760 --> 00:08:56,140
Chicken! Check it out, huh?
160
00:09:08,280 --> 00:09:09,540
Okay, thank you very much.
161
00:09:09,860 --> 00:09:11,540
There you go. There's your chicken.
162
00:09:11,740 --> 00:09:13,240
Thanks a lot. Okay, who's next?
163
00:09:24,711 --> 00:09:26,079
Okay,
164
00:09:26,080 --> 00:09:33,679
thanks
165
00:09:33,680 --> 00:09:36,150
for stopping by. Watch out, I'm going to
check now.
166
00:09:40,081 --> 00:09:41,909
Good job.
167
00:09:41,910 --> 00:09:42,960
Here's your money.
168
00:09:43,990 --> 00:09:45,750
Oh, not much left.
169
00:09:45,751 --> 00:09:48,689
The government should do take it back,
don't you?
170
00:09:48,690 --> 00:09:49,729
Be happy.
171
00:09:49,730 --> 00:09:52,730
In three weeks, you will have enough
money for the bus.
172
00:09:53,110 --> 00:09:54,160
What?
173
00:09:54,610 --> 00:09:56,720
I can't wait three weeks to get to
Beijing.
174
00:09:58,150 --> 00:10:01,350
I'd be happy to drive you. God sees too
far.
175
00:10:03,070 --> 00:10:04,120
Oh.
176
00:10:04,530 --> 00:10:08,510
Hey, Laura, if I stay around that long,
I'm going to fall in love with you.
177
00:10:09,390 --> 00:10:12,160
Get in the car. We're going to drop all
night if we have to.
178
00:10:20,450 --> 00:10:23,330
Sorry, the embassy was closed, Jewel.
179
00:10:23,630 --> 00:10:24,680
It's a holiday.
180
00:10:24,910 --> 00:10:26,530
I can't believe it. Thanksgiving.
181
00:10:26,531 --> 00:10:29,809
Everybody's probably got their pants
unbuckled watching the Lions play
182
00:10:29,810 --> 00:10:30,860
right now.
183
00:10:30,890 --> 00:10:32,290
Wow, some holiday.
184
00:10:32,970 --> 00:10:36,829
Yeah. Well, listen, I'll be okay. I'll
just find a cheap place to stay and hit
185
00:10:36,830 --> 00:10:38,150
the embassy in the morning.
186
00:10:38,151 --> 00:10:40,879
I wish there was something I could give
you to remember me by.
187
00:10:40,880 --> 00:10:41,930
Oh, hey.
188
00:10:42,400 --> 00:10:46,760
This is a very special gum. It actually
cleans your teeth while you chew.
189
00:10:48,000 --> 00:10:49,740
Four to five dentists recommend it.
190
00:10:49,800 --> 00:10:52,750
Really? Yeah, well, you know, to the
patients who chew gum.
191
00:10:53,240 --> 00:10:54,420
Thank you. See you.
192
00:10:54,860 --> 00:10:58,020
Hey, uh, where am I? The Forbidden City.
193
00:10:58,420 --> 00:10:59,900
Oh, sounds nice.
194
00:11:09,011 --> 00:11:15,519
Wouldn't you believe it? I'm an
American, and it's Thanksgiving, the
195
00:11:15,520 --> 00:11:16,559
embassy's closed.
196
00:11:16,560 --> 00:11:18,919
I'm kind of new here in the Forbidden
City, and I was wondering if there was,
197
00:11:18,920 --> 00:11:21,200
like, a Forbidden Best Western around
here.
198
00:11:22,620 --> 00:11:27,660
Look, I have this much money.
199
00:11:28,000 --> 00:11:29,620
Where can I find a place to sleep?
200
00:11:30,980 --> 00:11:32,040
Uh, you know what?
201
00:11:33,860 --> 00:11:35,240
Sleeping on the park bench?
202
00:11:35,520 --> 00:11:37,990
I refuse to prove that guidance
counselor right.
203
00:11:41,130 --> 00:11:43,120
I've got to find a way to make some
money.
204
00:11:43,170 --> 00:11:44,220
Oh!
205
00:11:50,150 --> 00:11:55,509
Okay, everybody, direct from Cleveland,
Ohio, USA, it's the amazing Sacco and
206
00:11:55,510 --> 00:11:56,950
Vanzetti! Woo!
207
00:11:57,290 --> 00:11:58,340
Yay!
208
00:11:58,550 --> 00:12:01,470
Oh, hey, Vanzetti, here we are in the
Forbidden City.
209
00:12:01,471 --> 00:12:04,829
That's right, Sacco, and woo, you smell
like you've been on somebody's foot for
210
00:12:04,830 --> 00:12:05,880
five days.
211
00:12:05,990 --> 00:12:07,040
Achoo!
212
00:12:09,019 --> 00:12:11,129
Oh, you like that, huh? Here, listen.
Here.
213
00:12:11,460 --> 00:12:12,510
Here,
214
00:12:13,500 --> 00:12:14,550
watch this. Here we go.
215
00:12:16,980 --> 00:12:18,030
Hey,
216
00:12:18,611 --> 00:12:20,559
oh, hey, kid.
217
00:12:20,560 --> 00:12:23,419
It's okay. Go ahead. You won't hurt my
pride. Let's put money in the shoe.
218
00:12:23,420 --> 00:12:24,500
look. Money.
219
00:12:25,160 --> 00:12:26,210
Shoe.
220
00:12:28,640 --> 00:12:29,690
There you go.
221
00:12:31,280 --> 00:12:32,330
Oh,
222
00:12:33,840 --> 00:12:35,100
shit! It bit my shoe!
223
00:12:36,180 --> 00:12:37,230
Oh, hello, officers.
224
00:12:38,570 --> 00:12:40,490
Okay, whatever you say. It's your thing.
225
00:12:41,410 --> 00:12:42,590
Run, run, run, run!
226
00:12:43,770 --> 00:12:45,450
Just kidding. They're socks, see?
227
00:12:45,710 --> 00:12:47,450
All right, I'll come along quietly.
228
00:12:51,190 --> 00:12:52,240
Ah,
229
00:12:57,210 --> 00:12:59,250
Mr. Carey. I speak English.
230
00:12:59,251 --> 00:13:00,429
How may I help you?
231
00:13:00,430 --> 00:13:01,610
Oh, uh, yes.
232
00:13:01,611 --> 00:13:02,989
Yes, sir.
233
00:13:02,990 --> 00:13:06,710
Uh, look, I've been in this cell all
day. I don't know.
234
00:13:06,960 --> 00:13:12,739
what I've been arrested for, but if it's
a crime to love this country, this fine
235
00:13:12,740 --> 00:13:18,380
lady we call China, then I am guilty as
charged.
236
00:13:19,820 --> 00:13:20,880
This is not jail.
237
00:13:21,120 --> 00:13:24,999
What? This is waiting room to get a
peddler's license so we can do your
238
00:13:25,000 --> 00:13:26,050
act.
239
00:13:29,820 --> 00:13:31,680
You've been here all day for nothing?
240
00:13:31,960 --> 00:13:35,000
Look, uh, I don't need a license for
anything.
241
00:13:35,660 --> 00:13:37,040
I need to get back to America.
242
00:13:37,180 --> 00:13:38,230
Maybe I can help.
243
00:13:38,520 --> 00:13:39,720
Let me see your passport.
244
00:13:40,060 --> 00:13:43,220
Oh, I don't have a passport. I was
drugged and put on a plane.
245
00:13:44,860 --> 00:13:45,910
From America?
246
00:13:46,220 --> 00:13:48,600
Why? It's kind of a practical joke.
247
00:13:50,080 --> 00:13:51,130
Wow, good joke.
248
00:13:59,700 --> 00:14:02,290
Look, I have to get in touch with
somebody back home.
249
00:14:02,291 --> 00:14:03,689
Can we please use your phone?
250
00:14:03,690 --> 00:14:07,590
Against regulation.
251
00:14:08,550 --> 00:14:12,310
You can't use government phone for
personal calls.
252
00:14:16,590 --> 00:14:21,549
If you send me one of those beaded car
seat covers that massage your back, I'll
253
00:14:21,550 --> 00:14:22,600
give you one call.
254
00:14:22,930 --> 00:14:26,360
Hey, let me get out of this country and
I'll massage your back myself.
255
00:14:30,990 --> 00:14:33,460
Can't I even work one day without
getting hit on?
256
00:14:40,190 --> 00:14:42,130
Do you speak English or not, operator?
257
00:14:42,510 --> 00:14:46,000
Look, all I'm asking for is the phone
number to the Great Wall of China.
258
00:14:47,710 --> 00:14:49,590
Oh, well, finally. Okay, go.
259
00:14:50,550 --> 00:14:54,110
Jackass 5... Hey!
260
00:14:56,181 --> 00:14:58,249
Hey, it's Drew!
261
00:14:58,250 --> 00:15:00,310
Hey, where are you, buddy? I'm in China.
262
00:15:00,311 --> 00:15:03,169
Yeah, I'm trying to get a hold of you
guys. What are you doing at my house?
263
00:15:03,170 --> 00:15:06,300
Well, we're using your phone to call
every major city in China.
264
00:15:06,301 --> 00:15:09,769
Okay, you have to listen to me. This is
very, very important.
265
00:15:09,770 --> 00:15:11,150
Stop it. I'm not made of money.
266
00:15:12,810 --> 00:15:14,810
I'm sorry. Is that thank you in Chinese?
267
00:15:14,811 --> 00:15:19,749
Listen, Lewis, I really need your help.
I want to give you a number where you
268
00:15:19,750 --> 00:15:21,369
can call me and get in touch with me.
269
00:15:21,370 --> 00:15:22,570
Okay, let me get a pencil.
270
00:15:24,030 --> 00:15:27,280
Hey, Drew, we've been up all night. What
are you doing up so early?
271
00:15:27,630 --> 00:15:29,500
Not early. It's like 6 .30 at night
here.
272
00:15:29,501 --> 00:15:31,809
It's tonight there already?
273
00:15:31,810 --> 00:15:34,160
Quick, give me the winning Powerball
numbers.
274
00:15:37,150 --> 00:15:39,200
I'm on the future, you idiot. I'm in
China.
275
00:15:39,750 --> 00:15:40,890
You mean that.
276
00:15:41,550 --> 00:15:42,790
Hello? Drew?
277
00:15:43,210 --> 00:15:44,490
Hello? Hello?
278
00:15:44,970 --> 00:15:46,670
Hello? Damn it.
279
00:15:47,350 --> 00:15:49,170
I lost him. Did he say where he was?
280
00:15:49,450 --> 00:15:50,500
No.
281
00:15:50,501 --> 00:15:54,729
Well, I didn't want to have to do this,
but my old girlfriend Samantha lives in
282
00:15:54,730 --> 00:15:55,780
China.
283
00:15:57,450 --> 00:15:58,500
Is that Samantha?
284
00:15:59,050 --> 00:16:01,040
I saw her in the store just the other
day.
285
00:16:01,450 --> 00:16:02,500
No.
286
00:16:03,130 --> 00:16:04,410
She moved to China.
287
00:16:05,930 --> 00:16:07,670
Otherwise, we'd still be dating.
288
00:16:15,610 --> 00:16:17,950
But I saw... No, she moved to China.
289
00:16:51,900 --> 00:16:52,950
Hi.
290
00:16:54,200 --> 00:16:55,250
Hello.
291
00:16:57,940 --> 00:16:59,900
Oh, little Chinese boy stole my shoe.
292
00:17:01,180 --> 00:17:02,920
Hasn't happened to me since I was 15.
293
00:17:05,260 --> 00:17:06,820
By the way, happy Thanksgiving.
294
00:17:08,980 --> 00:17:12,410
My mother says that today is the day you
always count your blessings.
295
00:17:13,740 --> 00:17:15,099
I have a shoe.
296
00:17:15,780 --> 00:17:16,830
I have a bench.
297
00:17:17,540 --> 00:17:18,590
I have an old woman.
298
00:17:20,420 --> 00:17:21,470
That was a...
299
00:17:21,700 --> 00:17:24,590
Tired, one -legged old man, I'd be
really happy right now.
300
00:17:28,800 --> 00:17:29,850
What is that?
301
00:17:29,940 --> 00:17:31,020
Where'd you get that?
302
00:17:32,311 --> 00:17:33,699
Oh,
303
00:17:33,700 --> 00:17:46,060
man,
304
00:17:46,061 --> 00:17:47,499
I don't know what to do first.
305
00:17:47,500 --> 00:17:51,199
Kiss your freshly mopped floors or use
your sanitized bathrooms with total
306
00:17:51,200 --> 00:17:52,250
confidence.
307
00:17:52,251 --> 00:17:54,939
Oh, is that it yet? I don't know what
I'll do.
308
00:17:54,940 --> 00:17:55,990
Hey.
309
00:17:56,500 --> 00:17:58,360
Give me anything up there. I don't care.
310
00:17:58,620 --> 00:17:59,780
Big Mac. Give me a Big Mac.
311
00:18:02,120 --> 00:18:03,170
Not enough.
312
00:18:04,540 --> 00:18:10,079
Wow. I never thought I'd use this in
real life, but I will gladly pay you
313
00:18:10,080 --> 00:18:11,740
Tuesday for a hamburger today.
314
00:18:13,700 --> 00:18:16,710
Let me talk to your manager. Manager? I
have a manager. Please.
315
00:18:16,711 --> 00:18:18,479
I'm starving.
316
00:18:18,480 --> 00:18:21,370
Hey, hey, kid. Look over there so I can
see one of your fries.
317
00:18:23,260 --> 00:18:24,310
I am the manager.
318
00:18:24,540 --> 00:18:26,020
How can McDonald's help you?
319
00:18:26,021 --> 00:18:29,959
I'm an American businessman. I was
kidnapped by a Western devil woman and
320
00:18:29,960 --> 00:18:31,340
to China without a passport.
321
00:18:32,020 --> 00:18:33,460
I would like a free hamburger.
322
00:18:34,031 --> 00:18:35,939
Oh, wait.
323
00:18:35,940 --> 00:18:37,200
Let me look on the menu.
324
00:18:38,960 --> 00:18:40,920
Nope. No free hamburgers.
325
00:18:40,921 --> 00:18:45,919
How hard can it be for a multinational
corporation with restaurants all over
326
00:18:45,920 --> 00:18:46,970
world...
327
00:18:47,701 --> 00:18:49,789
You can help me.
328
00:18:49,790 --> 00:18:51,470
You can help me get back to America.
329
00:18:51,490 --> 00:18:53,660
What? We can't help you get back to
America.
330
00:18:53,661 --> 00:18:57,209
We're just a restaurant. No, no, no.
You're McDonald's. No, no, no. No, see,
331
00:18:57,210 --> 00:18:58,260
listen.
332
00:18:58,261 --> 00:18:59,789
McDonald's has always been there for me.
333
00:18:59,790 --> 00:19:02,789
My first job was at a McDonald's. My
last job is probably going to be at a
334
00:19:02,790 --> 00:19:05,800
McDonald's. You can't let me down now
when I need you the most.
335
00:19:06,170 --> 00:19:08,070
Sorry. I cannot help you.
336
00:19:24,110 --> 00:19:25,750
Scrub the bottom and top.
337
00:19:27,410 --> 00:19:29,070
When you're finished with that.
338
00:19:55,560 --> 00:19:56,820
Something I can do for you.
339
00:19:57,900 --> 00:20:00,430
Here is the number of our customer
service office.
340
00:20:00,660 --> 00:20:04,330
I'm pretty sure they can connect you
with the right people to get you home.
341
00:20:04,560 --> 00:20:05,800
Oh, man, I'm going home.
342
00:20:06,500 --> 00:20:09,880
Hey, can I have a free Big Mac, too?
343
00:20:10,300 --> 00:20:11,350
No.
344
00:20:11,351 --> 00:20:12,439
But you know what?
345
00:20:12,440 --> 00:20:13,540
I will buy you one.
346
00:20:15,120 --> 00:20:16,170
Just one?
347
00:20:17,180 --> 00:20:18,230
All right.
348
00:20:18,540 --> 00:20:19,590
Two.
349
00:20:20,520 --> 00:20:22,630
Oh, it's going to make me awfully
thirsty.
350
00:20:24,780 --> 00:20:27,850
I'm starting to figure out why they
kicked you out of America.
351
00:20:27,851 --> 00:20:30,139
Grab those up and go for me, will you?
352
00:20:30,140 --> 00:20:31,190
Because I am...
353
00:21:14,651 --> 00:21:17,489
Chicken! Chicken! Check it out!
354
00:21:17,490 --> 00:21:18,540
Chicken! Chicken!
355
00:21:18,730 --> 00:21:22,490
Even anthrax can survive in the... We
got the chicken!
356
00:21:23,130 --> 00:21:24,180
Come on now!
357
00:21:24,550 --> 00:21:26,470
Chicken! Chicken! Chicken!
358
00:21:26,750 --> 00:21:28,870
Ever afters, all you need is chicken.
359
00:21:32,270 --> 00:21:35,370
Hey lady, chicken, come on! What do you
say? Chicken!
360
00:21:35,420 --> 00:21:39,970
Repair and Synchronization by
Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0
26302
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Akan
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bemba
Bengali
Bihari
Bosnian
Breton
Bulgarian
Cambodian
Catalan
Cebuano
Cherokee
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Faroese
Finnish
Frisian
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Guarani
Haitian Creole
Hausa
Hawaiian
Hebrew
Hmong
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Kinyarwanda
Kirundi
Kongo
Korean
Krio (Sierra Leone)
Kurdish
Kyrgyz
Laothian
Latin
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luganda
Luo
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mauritian Creole
Moldavian
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Montenegrin
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Persian
Polish
Portuguese (Brazil)
Portuguese (Portugal)
Quechua
Romanian
Romansh
Russian
Samoan
Scots Gaelic
Serbian
Sesotho
Setswana
Seychellois Creole
Shona
Sindhi
Sinhalese
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Tigrinya
Tonga
Turkish
Turkmen
Ukrainian
Uzbek
Vietnamese
Welsh
Wolof