All language subtitles for In Sickness And In Health s01e01

When we got married, I took the merry
-go -round. In sickness and in health, I

said I'll do.

For richer or poorer, I'll do just as I
thought.

And you said such an honour and obey me
too.

But it wasn't very long before I soon
found out. The one who would have

is you.

Now after all these years of loss, I'm
pushing you about.

But in sickness and in health, I love
you.

See,

you just put your mind to it. It's quite
easy to work this thing, really. You

just turn your wheels, see?

This one, not that one. You get dog's
doos all over your hand, see?

Just turn... Well, what's that?

See, just turn the wheels like that.

Now, I'm at table... I'm just getting
the hang of it, aren't I? Just get the

feel of it. Right, now.

Do you want to turn to the right? Right.

Like... Right hand down and just... No,
that's table. And just try to show you

how it works. I know how it works.

Oh, there you are then.

There, that's all you've got to do.

And you're mobile.

It's all right, isn't it? I mean, that's
not the end of the world, is it? Having

to sit in one of these things.

God, blimey. It's a shame you don't like
football, really. Get a good seat in

one of these right on the touchline.

Nice warm rug over your legs shouting
out to players, come on, you irons!

No, I'm glad you got it.

I don't mind telling you, it's a load
off my mind knowing that when I go out,

you ain't going to have to be stuck in
this room on your own.

Oh. What's going to happen then?

When you go out and I ain't going to
have to be stuck in this room on my own?

You don't think I'm going to be able to
wheel myself about in that thing, do

you? No.

Why not?

Because I'm not going to... I fit in
that thing, trying to push those wheels

round. That's why not.

Because I'm not strong enough for one
thing.

And another thing, you said you'd push
me. You told everyone you'd push me.

I ain't said I won't, have I?

Well, get out then. Let me get in.

Because I only think of you, my dear,
that's all.

Or me.

Make you more independent, wouldn't it?
If you can get about on your own like in

that thing.

Oh, blimey.

I've seen people charging about in them
things.

Seen them playing basketball, and I
have.

All it needs is a little bit of effort,
my dear, that's all.

God blimey, they've got their own
Olympics to have you around, you kept.

Winning gold medals, they are, some of
them.

Are you going to push me?

You won't try.

That's your trouble. You won't blimmin'
try, will you?

If it was you who had to sit in this
chair all crippled up, there'd be a

different tune you'd be playing then.

You wouldn't be talking about playing
basketball, winning gold medals, would

you? Oh, no.

You'd expect me to push you.

If you couldn't walk, you'd have to sit
crippled up in this chair.

Yeah, but it ain't me that's all
crippled up and got to sit in that

dear. You's got to sit in that chair,
innit?

Your legs have gone wonky, my dear, not
mine.

Well, I like to think if it was me, he
was in your condition.

That I would try and do something about
it.

And not just sit there and give in to
it.

It's no good looking at me like that, my
dear.

It's not my fault that the good Lord has
seen fit to turn you into a cripple.

Me?

Bloody thing.

I don't know why I damn it deserve this.

What? You, stuck in this thing.

from above.

Didn't say it was.

Well, you seem to be implying it.

No. All I said was... It's rheumatoid
arthritis.

Yeah, well, it's rheumatoid.

A lot of people my age get it.

If it had been, it'd be you that would
have got it. Yeah, but it ain't me

got it, is it? It's you that's got it.
You got that brake on again?

No. You sure?

I mean, this thing's getting harder and
harder to push it. You're going to have

to lose some weight, my dear.

You'll get used to it.

Once you get the knack.

Don't it require a bit of effort?

It is a punishment from above.

I'm beginning to believe that. You're
right.

It's me.

It's me he's got his knife into, he's
worked it out. What is the hardest

punishment?

Pushing his bloody feet or sitting in
it.

All I meant was, if the almighty, if he
has done this to you, well he probably

ain't done it to you because he don't
like you.

No, he's always doing this sort of
things to the ones he does like.

He's always been hard on his saints down
here on earth. It's an old fact.

He does it to try him, you see, to put
him to the test.

For something better, he's got up there
for them in heaven. And then, when he

calls you,

he sticks you by his side, upon his
right hand.

As an example to all them others who had
it too easy down here.

I shouldn't think he'd make you suffer
too long. Nah, he's not a hard man.

Once he sees you've had enough, once he
thinks you've done enough penance, he'll

call you unto him. And then, ba -boom.

You'd laugh.

I'm dancing on your grave.

Anyhow, my legs will outlast your
nipper.

Yeah, and I don't want to catch myself,
neither.

Oh, dear, oh, Lord.

Look, will you leave that brake alone?

Leave that brake alone, I'll remove it.
I'll remove that bloody brake, I will.

Go steady.

Take it easy. Take it easy? You're not
making it any easier putting that bloody

brake on all the time.

And watch your language.

You're not at home now, you know.

You're in the street.

People can hear you.

Look, if you don't like the way I'm
pushing in, you can... Take it easy.

Don't you conking out on me.

I'm young as I used to be, you know.

I know that, my dear.

I know that.

I'm not getting older by the minute
pushing this bloody thing.

Well, put the brake.

Oh, dear, oh, Lord.

Isn't it fair, eh?

Isn't it bloody fair?

Here she comes, Zola Bud.

You ain't got enough wrong with you. One
other ain't to go wrong with you.

Told you.

You shouldn't have to go dragging out to
see that doctor. He's the one who

should come out and see you. You're the
one who can't walk.

You're the cripple, not him.

Look, it's not our doctor I've got to
see. I keep telling you.

It's a consultant.

Specialist up at the hospital.

He specialises in what I've got. Oh,
yeah?

And what's that one specialising in?
Ain't nothing, I suppose. Nothing we

to get anyway.

I mean, you go and see him, all he does
is sling you over his shoulder.

Well, perhaps that's what he specialises
in.

He believes in that. It's good for your
spine, he says.

I had nothing wrong with my spine when I
went to see him.

I had a cold.

I've got something wrong with my spine
now, don't I?

I've got a pain in my spine now, since I
see him.

I'm what he does. It straightens you
out. He does it to everyone.

I didn't want no straightening out.

I was all right the way I was.

I just wanted something for me cold,
that's all.

Anyway, I wouldn't like to ask the
doctor to come round here.

I wouldn't like to ask anyone to come
round here and take this place.

I feel too ashamed.

It's another thing.

You should have someone here to help.

You shouldn't have to go cooking and
scrubbing and cleaning the condition

in.

Pippled up the way you are.

You could do more.

That's not the point. That's not the
argument. They, the council, they should

send someone round here.

It's their job to provide that, not
mine. It's not my job. I'm not a bloody

social worker.

I mean, where's your welfare state, eh?

That's what I'm on about. Where do they
vanish to when you need them?

Oh, yeah.

You're paying for it, aren't you? You
have to. See, I was against that from

beginning, you know that?

I would have sooner gone private, but
no.

Oh, you ain't got no bleeding choice.
You have to pay into that.

Oh, they said we've got a free health
service for you, Mr Garne. It's only

to cost you X pounds per week.

What's X?

What's X?

I'll tell you what bloody X is.

X bloody Spencer, that's what X is.

That's what your free health service is.
X bloody Spencer.

when you're paying in for it, aren't
they? Quick enough grabbing the money

you then, but the minute it comes the
time to give some of it back, they're

so bloody quick or keen then, are they?
I tell you, if it was one of your city

companies, one of your private firms,
one of your insurance friendlies done

that, done a bunk with the money, what
you've paid in, they'd soon get their

collar felt. Don't you worry about that.

They'd soon, their bloody feet wouldn't
touch the ground.

The bloody fraud's got to be on to them.
But just because it's the government,

that can rob you blind again.

Well, they give me this chair.

Oh, yeah, they give you that chair.

They give you a bloody wheelchair.

They never give you no one to push it,
did they?

Ah!

The nuggins push it!

Nuggins! I did a sounding, I need a
bloody wheelchair soon, pushing you

in that thing.

I'm not a bloody horse to be put in a
car at my time of life.

At my age, I should be having a rest.

Not becoming a beast of burden.

No consideration.

I'll be parking your front garden soon.

Because it is whatever time I want. Just
cross the road and hurry up and be

safe, mate.

Shame to mine.

Take your hand off of that chair.
Listen. Take your hand off of that

I don't want someone off the dole queue
examining me.

It's up to me. That's where our doctor
be on the bloody dole queue.

It's up to me. That's where they'd all
be on the dole queue.

Oh, dear.

Can't smoke here. No smoking.

Worse than Nazi Germany here. Supposed
to be a free country, innit?

It was till your Mrs Thatcher took over.
Not my Mrs Thatcher. I never voted for

her. You voted for the Tories. So I
might have, but I voted for the Tory

not for the Tory women.

It's a mistake putting a woman in
charge, isn't it?

A woman shouldn't be in a parliament in
the first place.

It's not a woman's job. Your woman's
place is in the home.

In the home.

All right.

One or two of them in parliament in the
old days was just for a laugh, wasn't

it?

Just for a giggle. And to hand out the
tea and blankets during your all -night

sessions. Seriously.

role is not go meshing about in politics
your woman's role is to be wife and

mother of your politician mother of a
prime minister not

to be it herself wife and mother of man
that's all we ask of it it should be

important enough role for any woman they
shouldn't have to go worrying their

pretty lads about how the country's run
it's none of their business be good at

housekeeping

That's all your economics, your woman
has to know.

But your man, you see, he's got to go
out and earn the money before she can

housekeep it. And that is your man's
role.

To go out and earn the money for her.

Well, I haven't noticed you doing much
of that.

holidays, is he? Your consultant.

I mean, is this the right day, is it?
Yes.

I mean, don't they give you an
appointment, like a time to see him?

They tell you a time to be here.

But is that the same time he gets here?

I mean, he is here, is he? That's turned
up, is he?

There's open up shop, is he?

I don't know.

He might still be up near Harley Street
with all his rich patients.

Well, them Harley Street doctors, they
only come down here to practice on the

likes of us, my dear.

Well, it's no good looking like that.
It's the truth I'm telling you. You've

heard the expression, to practice
medicine.

We don't think them rich Harley Street
patients let them doctors practice on

them, do you? No.

This is where they do their practicing,
down here. On us. On your poor National

Health Service patients.

Like us. This is where they sharpen up
their skills, my dear.

This is where they learn to use a knife.

I mean, let me ask you a question, see.
Who was your first heart transplant

patient, eh? It wasn't one of your rich,
high street patients, was it? Oh, no.

It was a poor Jewish one down in South
Africa.

Migrant, probably just got off the boat
with hardly enough lingo to know what

they was doing to him.

And look what he done, look what he
done.

To bang the black heart into him.

A black man's heart.

About to fail, isn't it?

Because, you see, your Jews, other
Jewish organs rejected it, didn't they?

Because it wasn't what your Jews called
kosher, you see.

Anyway, even if he had lived, even if he
had survived, what sort of life would

that be? A tap Africa with all your
apartheid.

When a white man walked around with a
black man's heart, he wouldn't even know

what toilet to use, would he?

They've got a bit better at it since
then. I've had a lot of practice out

in South Africa where your life is
cheap. I'll tell you one thing.

When they've perfected it, as soon as
they've made that operation foolproof,

wants to know...

Poor people getting heart transplants
then, my dear Bill. All your rich

millionaires getting it then. You mark
my words.

Will you get me a cup of tea?

I suppose I'll have to queue up for
that, won't I?

Well, it won't hurt you, will it? Not
doing anything else.

Right, Samba? Yeah.

I was thinking.

Something new for you, isn't it?

No, I was thinking... So you said.

In a hundred years or more from now,
there'll be new people here.

Why, do you think we'll have to wait
that long?

In the world I'm talking about, you
silly white puddin', in this world!

Well, you've got a point, though, what
you're saying about all this waiting.

Well, it all be gone before that.

Oh, I'll be gone soon. That consultant
done put his finger out.

I was thinking, you know, like watching
all them people come in here, all the

sick and the lame.

It made me think, no matter what them
doctors do to them, no matter how clever

they become,

we've still all got to go, haven't we?

All that money spent... on keeping
people alive, wasted.

Because we've all still got a goal,
haven't we? I mean, even them, even the

doctors themselves, because in 100 years
or more, none of us who's here now will

be here then.

We'll all be gone.

Well, it would be stranger if we wasn't.

How important you are, see, how rich,
how famous.

We'll be gone.

Margaret Thatcher.

Boy George.

Half a scalpel.

Even your Terry Wogan.

All got to go.

Makes you think, doesn't it?

Seems to have made you think.

I thought you knew that.

I thought you knew that you'd have to go
someday.

Full of new people. And no one that we
know will be here.

There's not many here now that I know.

Look on the bright side.

All right, so you've lost the use of
your legs.

Could be worse. You've still got your
arms.

You ain't lost the use of them yet, have
you? Hey, my dear, you've still got all

your marbles.

Well.

They don't know where they are, so some
of them don't even know who they are.

Now, listen, you want to cheer up, sit
there moping about, I tell you, I'll win

the pools, my dear, I'll take you to
Lourdes.

If you win the pools.

Anyway, that's only for Catholics, isn't
it? No, if you've got the money, my

dear, them Catholics ain't going to turn
away the business, are they?

Anyway, how do you tell a Catholic, eh?

I mean, you could pass for Catholic
easy. All you've got to do is...

Get some of them beads that they pray
on, go down that church of theirs, learn

some of the lingo, light a few candles,
ask King, Queen, Jack, ba -boom!

Are you the faster couplet as anyone?

No, it's not true. Oh, we're in the
pools to get the money. Stay off the

for you.

No more hanging about these places.

You know a thing, another thing about
your lords, see, we'd get a bit of a

return lock on our money.

You know, bring back all the duty
threes.

I've heard tales about your lords.

Amazing. People worse crippled up than
what you are. Worse than any of this lot

here. To walk into that water, holy
water, and to come out and throw away

crutches, leave the wheelchairs there.

Of course, we wouldn't leave our
wheelchair there. We'd bring the duty

in that, wouldn't we?

You know, it's a wonder to me they don't
put your lords on your national health.

No, of course, I mean, the doctors would
be against that, wouldn't they? That's

the reason. You put your lawyers and
your national health, they'd all be out

a job, wouldn't they?

I don't know why you've got this
terrible down on doctors all of a

got no down on them. Some is all right,
some is honest enough. I just think it's

bloody daft to let doctors and nurses
build up a bloody good business out of

being ill.

It's daft, isn't it? Let them make
handsome profit out of... Cutting your

off or cutting your insides out?

No -one's cutting my legs off. Of course
they aren't. No -one's going to cut

your legs off, my dear. You're too poor.
There's not enough profit out of

cutting your legs off.

No, doctors are dedicated.

Dedicated. They're like vicars and
priests.

Talking about. They do what they have to
do because it's good for us. They don't

all think like you.

Doctors are the same as everybody else,
my dear.

They're in it for what they can get out
of it.

You don't think I undertake a crime when
you die, do you?

Of course he doesn't. He's the only one
laughing, cos he's earning it.

You don't think I'm the type to dig
holes for the love of it and bury you

the love of it, do you?

Some would dig holes and bury you for
the love of it.

No, it... You'll suit on to the doctor
if there's anything wrong with you. On

him? Good blimey, he's hardly ever
there. It'd be easier to get in to see

than get in to see him.

You can't expect to see him at the drop
of a hat.

You're supposed to make an appointment
to see him. Make appointment? That would

be bloody daft. How can I make an
appointment?

I don't know when I'm going to be ill,
do I?

What am I supposed to do? Go down to
Fortune and find out when I'm going to

ill? Oh, Doc, can I have an appointment,
please? I think I'm going to have a flu

on Tuesday.

You're always phoning and complaining
that you're ill.

Look, the trouble with your doctors, my
dear, is the government paying them

their money up front. What the
government ought to do is only pay them

money when his patient is sick.

And only then, if he does his job
properly and gets him well again. And if

dies, nothing. Don't give him nothing.

He'll soon come running in.

He'll soon come running when you ring
him up. Better still, what the

ought to do is only pay your doctors
when his patient is fit and healthy.

And if he gets sick, stop it out of his
wages.

He'd soon want to see you then.

You wouldn't have to bother making
appointments with him then. He'd be

your house all day long, knocking on the
front door. Good morning, Mr Garnet.

Anything I can do for you? Nothing I can
do for you today is there. One sneeze

and you'll soon find your hospital bed
then, I tell you.

But I think the National Health Service
is a good thing. Good thing?

Yeah. Don't know where I'd be now
without it. National Health Service? A

thing? What are you talking about?

You can't even get to Lourdes on it.

I don't know that I want to go to
Lourdes.

Afraid I don't believe in miracles
anymore.

Well, you please yourself.

I'll tell you one thing, it'd be a
bloody miracle if any of this lot get to

a doctor today.

Bloody hells, we've been here hours!

© transcript Emily Beynon