All language subtitles for 1971 - Der neue heiße Sex-Report

This is how man lives, modern man.

In homes designed to make life
comfortable and happy.

Do you, Maria Bischoff, take this man,
William Carew, as your faithfully wedded

husband to have and to hold?

Till death do you part?

I do.

And a promise is made for life.

How often is it kept? Is it even
possible to keep such a promise when

designed to make life full and rich
simply succeeds in making it more

It is the judgment of the court that
this marriage be declared null and void.

And another divorce is added to the
statistics.

Is he to blame or is she?

Or are they both victims of the
isolation and boredom of our

society? To have and to hold till death
do you part?

I do.

Do you really?

Of course you do want the good things in
life. And now you have a husband to pay

for them.

But are you ready for the reality of
life in a modern gilded cage, with an

absentee husband who leaves early and
comes home late to make this good life

possible? This marriage is declared null
and void.

This film is based on actual case
histories taken from the files of an

marriage counselor.

These are real people, real men and
women, whose lives are recorded as they

really live them.

Take the case of Carol and Jack, whose
problems began the day they said, I do.

Jack and I met during summer vacation,
and we both knew it was more than just a

summer romance.

We were engaged by Christmas time, and I
was a June bride.

My childhood dream come true.

Like so many couples, we began our
marriage with lots of love and no money.

We borrowed enough from Aunt Louise and
Uncle Harry to make a down payment on a

condominium.

We wanted a home of our own so we could
fill it with love.

Didn't have anything else to put in it.

Master Homer Barrow.

You won't need this dress anymore.

It was a dream come true.

Roses every day and loving every night.

And why don't you get the roses in the
water first?

Roses every day.

But not quite as many.

And not quite as much loving at night
either.

Hi, honey.

Have a good day?

Did the TV set arrive yet?

Yeah, it's in the living room.

No more roses and damn little loving.

Living room.

Oh, I see.

I'll come on then.

It seems that almost anything is more
important to him than I am.

What happened to the tenderness and the
loving and the roses?

I'm spending most of my time in the
kitchen now.

Same old boring routine, day after day.

Cook the meals, do the dishes, clean the
sink.

Day after day, I wait for 5 .30 for him
to come home, and then it's 6 or 6 .30

and I'm still waiting.

Nothing to do but kill time.

What else can I do? A married woman
can't go out alone.

Every guy you see tries to pick you up.

So I stay home and read.

And every magazine is full of the same
thing.

Sex, sex, and more sex.

I like sex, but I don't like to be
reminded how little I'm getting.

By the time Jack gets home at night, I'm
ready for him.

But what good does it do?

I'm lucky if he stays awake till
bedtime.

Not tonight, Carol. I've had a rough
day.

And if I do manage to arouse his
interest, it's wham, bam, thank you, ma

I deserve more than that. A lot more.

All I am to him is an unpaid
housekeeper.

Those women that complain about being
sex objects must all be single.

Boy, would I give to be a sex object
again.

Oh, I know I love him and I enjoy taking
care of him, but he's just a grown -up

baby, and a big baby is no substitute
for a big man.

Sorry, I thought it was my husband.

Good afternoon, madam.

I'm here by the grace of God to announce
the end of the world.

How often should a married couple your
age have sexual intercourse per week?

Two or three times a week.

How many times do you have it a week?

Two or three.

Once is enough for me.

There's no point in having quantity if
you don't have quality.

Well, we often have it better.

It's none of your business.

I'm divorced, so it depends on who I'm
with.

I'm sorry. I'd much rather not say.

You should have asked how often a night.
Most husbands are expected to, to work

hard when they come home. They're too
worn out for that.

Sundays are okay, I suppose, but make a
practice of it. I need my sleep a lot

more. How many bored housewives break
the monotony of a tedious day by playing

stimulating games?

Men whose professions bring them into
the home have discovered the answer. A

lot.

Excuse me, sir. Yes?

Are you Harold Sharp?

I am, why? Well, have you got the time
for a question or two?

No, sir, I don't believe in this sort of
thing. You are a professional masseur,

aren't you?

Masseur? That's what I used to be.

And what do you do now?

Home beauty counseling.

Well, what can I tell you?

Well, tell me how it all began.

Sure, I'd be glad to.

But no names, eh?

No names, no, obviously.

Okay. To begin with...

A massage is a fine art. The human body
is very complex.

That's why no two massages are the same.

There's a reducing massage.

The massage to preserve muscle tone.

Another for firming up the more delicate
tissues.

And the light caressing massage for
relaxation.

I worked hard until I got my diploma.

As a master masseur, you know.

And, uh...

Then I started to build up a clientele,
mostly young, attractive women. But nice

bodies, you understand.

Well, naturally, they all needed the
regular attention of a professional.

Well, as I worked on them, I began to
notice that even though they came to me

for different treatments, their bodies
needed one thing in common.

I guess that's why they looked at me.

Anyway, it was hard not to notice,
especially when it happened a dozen

day.

How would you deal with the situation?

I couldn't afford to offend them.

After all, I wanted their business.

And they wanted mine even more.

So, even though I tried to preserve a
professional attitude, the ladies all

demanded a more personal approach.

And they usually got it.

You know, Mr. Scott, that's not where
the muscles are the tightest.

I should take this out of the way for
you.

Oh, it was nothing to do but face up to
it. My lovely clients had deeper needs

than I'd imagined.

And I was just the man to fill them.

And that's how you came to open up your
present business?

Yeah.

If you don't mind, I've got one more
question to ask. Why are your

services in demand?

Oh, I can't say for sure, but let's be
honest.

I'm more gifted than most men are.

Yeah. I offer a woman a unique
experience in terms of a total physical

sensation.

Ma 'am, your masseur is here.

Her masseur is there.

Where's her husband? On another business
trip.

Mr. Westerman is always absent, and Mrs.
Westerman is almost always alone.

Young, beautiful, very desirable, but
sexually unsatisfied. How does she solve

her problem?

Oh, my assistant takes care of Mrs.
Westerman.

Mrs. Westerman, you look wonderful
today. Oh, you really think so?

Sure I do.

You know, there are times when I think
you're only being flattering to me,

There are times when I wish you didn't
have such a beautiful body.

You're too tempting to resist.

Nature has been more than generous to
you. I seldom have such material to work

with.

You deserve a guy that's out of the
ordinary.

You know that?

Oh, do I? I'd be very curious to know
what you mean.

Turn over, please.

Just relax, please, Mrs. Westerman. I'm
going to introduce you to a new

technique.

You'll begin to feel every muscle go
limp and every nerve quiver.

It's quite an experience you have
coming.

That's quite a body you've got there
when you're ready say the word I Hope

can take it

When a boy has so much love for his
work, he'll succeed in this profession.

Male prostitution has been proposed as a
solution to the problem of lonely

women. Do you think it would be a
feasible idea?

I don't know.

A sort of whorehouse for women, you
mean? Yes, that's just what I mean.

Depends on whether it'd be expensive or
not.

Where women would be sexually satisfied.

No. All a woman has to do is walk down
the street and they come running.

Women who are sexually unsatisfied
for...

For a fee, he would do whatever you
want.

You'd choose your own male prostitute.

Hey, cool.

I dig. Any man who'd take a job as a
prostitute should be shot.

That rule would be immoral.

I suppose if us men can do it, there's
no reason why a woman can't do the same

thing. Would you consider it as a
profession?

Well, you just tell me if you know of
any openings.

You mean I'd let her sleep with a guy
and pay him to boot? You're out of your

skull. Look, if she's got me, what more
she want?

No, not for me. Why not?

Well, I just as soon say faithful.
That's why I got married.

Meet Jack and Jill. What's wrong? Their
marriage is struggling uphill.

And if they're not careful, it's going
to come tumbling down.

Nothing. He's just overtired.

You must admit he hasn't seen much of
you lately.

You don't get home much before it's his
bedtime.

Your story has touched my heart. You
ought to know by now.

What's wrong?

I'm looking for a shirt. I've got to go
out.

At this hour?

Yeah. I have to meet an old friend at
the airport. He's between planes.

He only has an hour.

Dr. Nangle.

But you know the Hermans asked us to a
party tonight.

I wouldn't have gone anyhow.

Why not?

Because I don't like their kind.

Jack, the Hermans are our neighbors.

I know.

I told Margo that we were coming, so if
you don't mind, I'll go alone.

Are you going out, Mother?

Just to the Hermans across the way.

If I were you, I wouldn't.

Why not, for heaven's sake?

I wouldn't associate with them. They're
bound to make trouble.

Is that all?

Yes. You do as you like, though.

I'd better get going.

I'm sure I won't be back before
midnight, so don't bother to stay up.

Save your new dress for another time,
huh?

Bedtime, darling.

Come on.

Oh, yeah. No.

In you go.

I bet your teddy bear is tired, too.

Mommy, you're not going to stay home
tonight.

Mommy always does what Daddy says.

Now go to sleep, darling. Mommy will be
right here.

Sorry to bust in this way, but Barney
just wrecked our corkscrew. I wonder if

you'd mind loaning us yours.

Of course not. Come in, Marga.

I was just going to call you. Oh, dear,
to complain about the noise.

No, merely to say we can't come tonight.

Jack had to meet someone at the airport.

Well, all the more reason for you to
come. I promise you'll have a good time.

There are plenty of men to go around.

We'll see.

Look, I won't ever forgive you if you
don't come.

But hurry. You don't want to miss any of
the action.

The swinging party. See you later.

Hey, man, did you hear the one about the
guy who tells his wife? I heard the

gentleman bragging in the bar just now.
It seems he's been sleeping with every

broad in the building but one.

Yeah, and his wife says, you know who
she is?

It's that 80 -year -old crone up on the
ninth floor.

Hey, look what walked in. That's real
hunting material there.

I'd like you to meet Gus and Sandra.
This is Jill. She's a neighbor.

Welcome to Sex City. The pleasure's all
ours.

How'd you like a glass of Old Bachelors?

I would, please. No, thank you.
Cigarette?

No, thanks.

An olive?

No. Look, what's your weakness, huh? You
want to dance?

Don't be so stingy. There's more where
that came from.

Excuse me, you were on the flight from
Chad, weren't you? Yes, sir. Then

nobody left on board. The plane's empty,
sir. Thank you.

No, no, not you.

Oh, my goodness. I've got it all over
you. How stupid of me. I'm so sorry.

come into the kitchen. I'll see what I
can do.

I've ruined it for you. No, it's
nothing.

Damn red wine.

Wait. I'll get it out.

Man, there's no more rice. Yeah, well,
there must be some ice in the fridge.

Hey, it's the next door neighbor.

Hey, what are we waiting for? Come on,
don't be shy. Let's see what you got

there, kid. Let it all hang out. No
sense hiding it. We've all seen little

before, you know.

Let me go!

Bitch!

Oh, that's it. Make yourself decent in
case your husband comes home early and

sees you like that. Please don't make a
scene here, Jack.

You're too hard an act to top.

Home, sweet home. I guess I should have
known. It's just a classic case of an

unsuspecting husband who doesn't know
what's going on.

You might at least listen.

What's there to listen to? How the
Hermans are so cultured? Why they talk

music and literature while they're
taking their clothes off like everybody

Go on, rub it in. You're always right.

You're damn right I am.

I was right when I told you not to get
involved with that crowd, wasn't I?

Well, how would you like it if you found
me naked in the halls when I was

supposed to be at home with our son?

It was thoughtful of you not to make
love right in front of the boy. Don't be

revolting. I wasn't the one making a
spectacle of myself.

You're the one who's revolting. You
might let me explain what happened.

Mommy, why are you and Daddy hollering?

Simon, go back to sleep. Go on, go to
bed.

Okay, so I jumped to conclusions.

But you can't blame me for it.

You would have done the same thing.

I'm sorry, Jill. Don't touch me.

I thought it was blood.

Some drunk spilled wine all over it.

Well, I'll buy another one for you.

Buy another one.

Buy another one.

Do you mind telling me where I'd put it?

I've got a whole closet full.

They've never been worn yet.

We haven't gone out for ages.

When was the last time we went out?

But, sweetheart, we'll go out when
Simon's a little older.

Yeah, sure. When Simon's old enough to
take care of himself, we'll be pushing

70.

Wait.

What are you looking for?

My dress shirt.

I sent it out to be cleaned.

Besides, what do you want a dress shirt
for?

Because I want to go out.

If my wife will come along.

Are you going to leave again, Mommy?

No, Simon.

Honest, you're not.

Honest. Now, please, go to bed.

Not before I find out if you and Daddy
made up.

We made up. Now go to bed.

Let's see.

Okay, son.

You mean that's all?

I'm not in front of the boy.

I suppose when I'm older, I'll
understand that.

Since divorce proceedings are a
specialty of yours, What, in your

causes the failure of modern marriages?

In many cases, they marry far too young,
obviously unprepared.

The husband finds excitement in his
business, whereas the wife finds that

housework is a bore.

Often, neither partner has had the
experience it takes to bridge such a

Could this conflict of interests cause a
marriage to fail?

It could.

Not all by itself, but it certainly
could contribute to it.

Hopefully, we can all look forward to
working a four -day week, and that

improve the situation.

But the four -day week is a long way
off.

Until it's reality, many women have too
much time on their hands.

And idle hands are usually up to no
good, as many a delivery man has

How many husbands would believe the
games their wives play when they're

They'd certainly never believe this ever
happened.

That's all I am.

As far as he's concerned.

You know you don't mean a word of it. I
mean every word of it. That's what's so

sad. And we're all in the same boat.

Look, Sonny Boy, in case you don't know,
I only got a couple of horses up there

in front of me. You've got a couple of
hundred here.

Listen, man, if there's one thing I
don't go for, it's being called Sonny

so please cool it, okay?

Two tons of beer is one hell of a load,
and they're doing their best. Now, you

jerk, the next time I hear that horn of
yours, you know what I'm going to do?

Tear out that son of a bitch and ram it
right down your throat, you hear me?

Man, you scare me.

Buzz off.

Fritz, tell me what you think of this.

What would you do if your daughter kept
company with a loud mouth?

Know what I'd do? I'd hit the bastard so
hard that his own mother wouldn't even

recognize him.

You're lucky she's not my daughter,
sonny boy.

Young woman, if I were you, I'd change
boyfriends.

Because this one is a dud.

I hate to see a pretty girl waste her
time.

Good afternoon to you.

Here he comes.

Oh, I thought you'd never come. We're
dying of thirst.

I think it'd better be put on ice right
away.

Okay, ma 'am. You know where the kitchen
is by now. Yeah, sure, I know.

Same thing.

God almighty.

Tomorrow I've got to swear off the
sauce.

How many have I had?

Just one or two.

Unless it's because of the heat.

Can I interest you in a cup of coffee?
Won't you join us?

Sit down, Wally.

Do you take cream, or do you like it
black?

Black, thanks.

What the devil's going on here?

Damn it all, somebody say something.
What's the meaning of this? A house full

naked women?

Start naked?

It's more than I can stand. After all,
I'm no saint.

Calm down, Wally. If you can't behave,
I'll report you to the brewery.

I'm not stopping you. It's your phone.
Go ahead and complain, lady.

Ask for the president of the firm,
extension 507. I want him to know what

up to. The people I deliver his beer to.
Let him see what it's like to face a

client with her boobs hanging out.

Wally, what will your boss say?

When he sees you naked as the day you
were born, his eyes will pop out of his

head. You'll stop your beer delivery,
too.

Naked? What a peculiar thing to say.

Come now, no one's naked.

Is that so? Well, what's the word if
it's not naked?

Tell me.

What would you call her?

Or her?

What are them things called, your
tonsils?

If that's supposed to be an earmuff,
I'll eat it.

We'll see about that.

Prince! Put the feed bags on and come on
up.

Yeah, okay.

You'll see. Good, Wally. You finally
caught on.

Finally caught on to what?

Well, we had you outnumbered with the
four of us and one man between us that

didn't look like we'd have any fun.

So that's how it is.

You should have told me the minute I
walked in the door.

France,

hurry up, boy.

Sometimes a neglected wife tries to find
satisfaction by taking a lover.

However,

when she has an insecure, jealous
daughter, the dangers inherent in this

solution are multiplied.

Mr.

Hubner called.

When? A few minutes ago.

You just missed him.

He said he'd meet you at the Harmony
Cafe.

At two o 'clock.

What time is it now?

A quarter to.

He didn't say why, did he?

Nope. That was all.

Don't you have a violin lesson at two,
dear? No, at 2 .30.

You better fix your father's supper for
him. I may be home late.

See you.

So long.

Well, hello.

So you're John Huffner? Yes, I am. Why?

Oh, I knew Mom was expecting you.

Yes, I have a lunch date with your
mother.

Won't you come inside?

Mother phoned an hour ago.

She's not home then?

No, she was on her way home when her car
broke down.

She'd like you to come and pick her up
if you could.

Yes, of course. Where?

Oh, gosh, it's awfully difficult to get
there from here.

Take the expressway out of town. Yes.

Oh, it's better if I come along.

Come on, then.

It's straight ahead.

It ought to be around here somewhere.

We'd better get out and walk.

Which way?

Well, look over there.

No, you must have made a mistake.

Oh, I don't think so.

There's nobody there.

We're all alone.

Don't worry. There's no one for miles
around.

What's going on?

I'll give you three guesses.

Jack please five cents miss

Was I good?

Am I as good as my mother? You sure are.
Better.

Why don't we do this more often, then?

Whenever you say.

Friday? Thursday.

Friday's my violin lesson.

Hi, Mama.

Sylvia, how was your violin lesson?

My violin lesson?

We started in third position.

Really? Without your instruments?

I played my teacher's violin.

Sylvia, I know perfectly well you're
lying to me.

Tell Mother where you were.

Okay, you win.

I wasn't at the teacher's house. I
didn't want to go.

Where did you go?

What do you care where I went?

I went out for some exercise.

Is that good enough for you? It's not
good enough for me, and it won't be for

your father either.

Because he won't be satisfied until he
knows everything. Where you were, with

whom you were, everything.

Good afternoon.

Yes? Oh, John.

You wanted to speak with my mother?

Hold on, please.

Hello. Yes, Mr. Havner.

Yeah?

Yeah. Then we'll make it Friday.

See you then.

I wouldn't think of being so formal.

We were John and Sylvia right away. You
little bitch. I'll teach you. I'm...

Hi there, schnookums.

What gives?

These are the games women play when
their husbands are away.

Everything okay?

Bottoms up. Fortunately for most men,
they never find out.

A man who's got such a loving home and
family is the happiest man alive.

Bottoms up.

We hear a lot of talk about changing
values. Would you say fidelity is

in marriage?

Yeah, it is, up to a point. I should say
so. You may think I'm old -fashioned

where morals are concerned, but after
all, what's the sense of marrying

you can't stay faithful to?

Oh, come off it. If you men can fool
around, why make such a big deal out of

when we do?

It's immoral.

It's immoral, and it doesn't make sense.

No woman can be expected to sit by the
fireside if her guy's out chasing

If you had the chance, would you run the
risk of having an affair with another

man's wife?

Yeah, that's what happened, and that's
what broke up my marriage.

Many a marriage has been saved because
one partner can forgive an occasional

indiscretion. But some people can't
forgive themselves.

Feeling better now?

Where am I?

In city hospital.

You're lucky the worst is over. You were
in pretty bad shape.

Now, is there anything I can do to make
you comfortable?

I'm thirsty.

Here, drink some of this.

Now, do you feel any better?

Yes. It's a good thing suicide is seldom
successful.

He was my husband's best friend at
school.

It was fun to see him after all those
years.

He'd never married.

He'd done so many exciting things.

He was so polite and sophisticated in a
way my husband never was.

A little attention.

Things a woman notices that her husband
forgets to do.

The three of us were together often
after that, and Norbert was always the

perfect gentleman.

I'd forgotten what it was like to have a
door open for me, a chair offered, a

coat held.

Victor, my husband, had long since
forgotten to do those things.

One day on my way home from shopping,
Norbert appeared from nowhere with

for me.

Norbert, what brings you here?

They say flowers work wonders with
women. You invented that? Of course I

invented it. Let me take that. Now, can
I interest you in having some ice cream

with me? I haven't the time, but okay.

Sully, you can't kid me.

I can feel something's the matter.

What do you mean?

I mean between you and Victor.

I know, but Vic and I get on well
together.

Get on?

Tell me, isn't getting on just a way of
saying you've no other choice?

I must go now, Norbert.

But Sally, to me it's so obvious that
you're bored.

Life's got to have more to it than
getting on or it's not worth it.

If you only knew just how wrong you are,
Norbert.

We're just as happy as anyone else is.

Vic isn't quite the gentleman you are,
but... He doesn't think women need

flattery. He thinks it's all phony. Do
you?

When I say to you, someone like you
deserves more than that, is that phony?

is it true, Sally?

Until that moment, I'd never questioned
my marriage to Victor.

He loved me. He gave me everything I
wanted.

Our life together wasn't very exciting,
but I was happy, wasn't I?

Someone like you deserves more.

Norbert's words kept coming back to me.

I had a comfortable life, but it was
pretty dull.

What was I missing?

What would it be like if instead of old,
reliable Victor, I were married to

sexy, sophisticated Norbert?

What would it be like to be with Tom,
Dick or Harry?

This is a fantasy game that most married
women play.

It usually remains a fantasy. She can
replace the man in her life with the man

of her dreams.

But for how long? How long can such a
fantasy satisfy a sensuous woman?

It wasn't enough. My desire for Norbert
grew stronger.

I needed him.

I'd never cheated on Victor, and might
not have even then, except that one day

Norbert and I met accidentally.

Oh, it was too beautiful a day to turn
down a drive in the country.

As we walked through the woods, I
suddenly knew that Norbert wanted me as

as I needed him.

Nothing else mattered.

Not Victor, not my marriage, not even
the world around us. I felt as if I were

being loved for the first time.

It was incredibly beautiful and right.

Norbert. Norbert.

What if I weren't married to Victor?

Why do you ask?

Would you marry me then?

I'd jump at the chance.

Oh, I'd hoped you'd say that because I'm
planning to get a divorce.

Don't be ridiculous.

I'm serious, Norbert.

I can't face Victor now.

Not after what's happened between us.

Are you out of your mind?

You're all alike.

You're the last person in the world I'd
marry. You're a good lay, that's all.

I began to despise myself for being
taken in by someone like Norbert, for

cheap flattery and his phony ways.

That's why I took the whole bottle of
Pilsen.

He's waiting to see you.

Norbert? No, your husband. He even
brought you flowers. He mustn't see me.

Husbands are only human, too. I think we
ought to let him in before those

flowers wilt.

Your wife will see you now, sir.

Oh, sorry. I'm so happy to see you.

In your capacity as the local postal
superintendent,

are you aware that your carriers often
have problems with lonely housewives?

I know it's your aim to see that the
males always go through on time, but too

often they don't, do they? Have you any
plans?

You're helping your mailmen make their
deliveries? Yes, I'm quite involved in

such an effort.

I'm sure that if we could improve the
postal worker's life, his efficiency is

certain to improve as well. This is the
reason I have issued a new handbook as a

guideline for the worker's personal
behavior. I'm sure we can bring about

efficiency through the enforcement of
our regulations.

I see, but... Maintain a standard of
public conduct in keeping with your

position. When you're obliged to have
contact with those we serve, remember to

deal with their complaints gently yet
firmly.

You will pay careful attention to your
clothing's appearance.

Shirts fresh and well -pressed trousers
are good for public relations.

Proceed along the same itinerary.

The constant danger of attack should be
faced.

Such attacks often occur from behind,
without warning.

Be especially careful and dimly lit
always.

Stay in the open and keep both hands
free to defend yourself.

If you are requested to render services
for which you feel competent, do so

cheerfully and to the best of your
ability.

However, do not enter the premises
unless invited.

All our carriers have been issued
regulation equipment as follows.

Item number one, a black leather pouch.

Item number two, a mailbag for all
correspondence magazines and small

Never use either one to transport
objects other than those aforementioned.

The carrier must bear full
responsibility for all discrepancies.

I might add that we often employ
students during the summer months.

And, of course, they are not required to
wear the usual uniform, only an

official armband. Do you find that these
summer replacements perform their

duties as efficiently as your regular
employees? And what happens if they

Good morning.

Mrs. Stace?

Yeah. It's registered, Mrs.

I have to have you sign for it.

Hey, young fellow.

Isn't Mr. Kronheim working today?

He's on vacation, and I'm going to take
his route over. And I haven't got no

pen, so do you have something to write
with?

I think so, dear. Come in and we'll see.

Oh, quiet.

Don't worry, he's a lamb. Get out.

Why don't you sit down?

Go on.

How would you like a little coffee?

Actually,

Mrs... What?

Actually, it's against the proposed
office rules.

Well, they certainly have foolish rules.

I don't think Mr. Kornheim followed the
rules.

He always had his breakfast here.

So, what's good for Mr. Kornheim is good
for you.

Well, if you don't mind.

Oh, wait, I'm sure this is in your way.

The way you go at it, I'd almost say you
were starved for it.

Yep.

You do have a large appetite, right?

I've got a good appetite.

A huge appetite.

How's your appetite today?

A real bit.

I've always enjoyed it when Mr. Kornheim
comes.

I'm sorry he's not here today.

He likes my cooking.

Really?

He's a nice man.

Awfully nice.

Actually, I don't know when I'm just
placing him. Always ready to oblige.

Paragraph 9 in the postman's handbook
says that we should be helpful and ready

to buy at the age. No offense, ma 'am.
And the envelope.

I'm hurt to the quick.

Look me over again.

Do you think me aged?

No.

You think I'm an invalid?

I'm afraid you don't understand my jumps
to bring the mail.

I'll fix some more breakfast for you,
sonny, if you screw me.

Oh, for God's sakes, no. I'm not up to
it. Actually, you've made me more than

enough.

It's very nice of you.

Have a very nice breakfast.

And you're very nice. And I'm grateful.

But I've got the mail to think of. Do
you?

You'd better hurry, then.

Help!

Mrs. Stace!

Your dog!

Let go.

Now behave.

Oh, you poor thing. Just look at you.

I sure hope he didn't bite you. After
all, you could get rabies. Let me have a

look.

No, it's just your trousers.

You mustn't let anyone see you like
that.

Come on.

Let's get undressed.

Yeah, but Mrs. Stace.

Don't be shy now.

I'm used to seeing men naked.

The least you could do is help.

I'm willing to fix it for you.

Yeah, I'm sure you are, but... I'm an
old, old hand at this sort of thing. An

old hand.

Yes, you are.

Young man.

What have we here?

That won't win any prizes.

But, Mrs. Stace, I'm a sort of
replacement.

I always knew the post office was in bad
shape, but this... You leave it to me,

sweetheart. Something will always be
done.

Come along.

Doctor, have you run across cases of
women who come to you using an imaginary

ailment as an excuse for sexual
adventure?

Yes, however seldom it happens, it's
either the case of a woman striving for

affection, a woman who is an introvert,
or one whose sexual demands are such

that her husband finds it hard to
fulfill them.

This is the Vickers home.

Mr. Vickers is at work as usual. He
works hard to give his lovely young wife

the luxuries she desires.

She even has a maid.

The result?

A bored, frustrated woman who develops
an expensive solution for her

Bloody murder. I told him he ain't going
to smoke them things around the house,

only in the backyard.

You can go now, Mrs. Meyer.

I've still got to clean those windows,
Mrs. I expect to call her.

That won't bother me, not when I'm
working. To tell you the truth, I don't

you bothering us.

But, Mrs. Vickers, I'm afraid I'll have
to charge you for the whole time anyhow.

That's only natural.

If you're willing to, madam.

Them windows ain't gonna get done,
though.

Probably most of them is. They don't
even see the dirt when they're staring

in the face.

That's all.

You may get dressed now.

I'll have the nurse give you a hormone
prescription.

Take one pill after each meal.

I'm sure you'll be back to normal within
a few weeks' time.

Hello, Dr. Daniels' office?

Yes, just one minute.

It's Mrs. Vickers.

Yes, Mrs. Vickers.

What is it?

But only last week I gave you some
virium for it.

But just how long have you had the
pains?

Oh, at least an hour.

I've been lying on the couch in agony. I
could hardly get to the phone.

Oh, worse than before.

I've never experienced such cramps in my
whole life, Doctor.

It's too painful to sit up. Oh, I can't
come there.

Would you?

Thank you so much, Doctor.

Now what do you want?

I'm sorry, but I thought I'd say
goodbye.

That's all.

Goodbye, Mrs. Meyer.

I can see you're suffering, child. No.

Well, yes, since you were listening. I'm
not feeling well at all. I have a

cramp. Ah.

Something you ate was too rich for you.
Well, you know what? I'll fix you a

little chamomile tea. Sorry, but I don't
want a little chamomile tea.

Peace and quiet is all that I want.

Well, will you be able to have visitors
here all by yourself?

That's none of your business. You were
going. Well, go for heaven's sake.

Well, that's a fine thing for you to say
to me.

After all I've done for you today.

If you've got a person as sensitive as
me to work for you, you'll never keep

them if you treat them like dirt.

You better get somebody else to work for
you, Mrs. Vickers.

Because I ain't working for you as of
now. Goodbye.

Hello, Mrs. Vickers. Doctor.

Where

are

you going?

To get my bag.

Now then, what does it hurt?

There.

Is it very painful now?

Unbearable. All right, let's have a
look.

Well, we'll soon see what's bothering
you.

Will you raise your knees, please?

That's right.

The varium seems to have cleared up your
last problem.

But sometimes there is an unpleasant
side effect to these drugs.

But that seems too strong for a side
effect.

It seldom can cause cramps like that.

Does that hurt?

Tell me when it hurts.

Now? No.

Yes, it does.

Does it or doesn't?

Not too much.

It's not there.

That's still not the place.

There.

Yes, that's where it hurts me.

It hurts you there?

That's it.

Yes.

There's nothing wrong with you
physically.

Not that I can see. I suspect these
cramps of yours are purely psychosomatic

origin.

What's the word?

Psychosomatic. Sometimes I masturbate.
Would that cause it?

No.

I'm going to give you an injection.

Would you turn over, please?

It's best if you lie flat.

Are

you

always as cold as this in your
professional manner?

To be quite honest, I'm unable to act in
any other way due to the fact that I'm

married. Me too.

Well, there you are.

But what does that have to do with it?

If I were to treat my wife as I would a
patient, or my patients as I would treat

my wife, I would lose them both.

Why are doctors always so difficult?

Isn't my body good enough for you?

Don't tell me you're not interested in
me. You are.

I can see it in your eyes. I'm sorry.

I must go now.

Doctor, I won't let you go.

I'm willing to do anything if only
you'll make me well.

Your analysis was right. I'm mentally
disturbed, but I want to be cured, and

only you can cure... Please stay a few
more minutes.

I can no longer help you.

But if I die, you're responsible.

I'm a sick person, Doctor.

Yes, only your illness isn't fatal.

Please, get dressed, will you?

I want you to forget all that's
happened.

As though it hadn't. It's all forgotten
now.

Oh, my heart.

Feel it beating. It's racing. Take my
pulse.

I love your hands.

So strong and full of warmth.

It's 88.

Under the circumstances, it's normal.

Do you think infidelity is a good ground
for divorce?

That depends.

You're damned right it is, mister.

Nowadays it wouldn't be.

If your husband were having an affair,
would you consider having one too?

Very likely, yeah.

But if I did, I'd want to make damn sure
that he wouldn't find out.

What did you have in mind? Your
professional work opens a lot of doors.

I suppose you've had some strange
experiences.

All sorts of experiences. There's not
much that can't happen.

I'm pretty good at controlling the
situation, though.

It takes persuasion to make them come
across.

In what way?

What do you think?

Well, granted, you're after a sale. But
we've all heard jokes about traveling

salesmen taking advantage of a woman to
sell something. Is there any truth to

them?

Lucky for all of us, these suitcases
can't talk. I'd hate to tell you the

they've seen.

Good afternoon, madam. I was asked to
pay you a call by your good friend, Mr.

Henselman. Henselman? I don't know any
Henselman.

But he told me you were an old
classmate. I'm sorry, you're mistaken.

morning we were talking about you. He
said Mrs. Worrell had the best mind in

class, but he never mentioned you had
beauty and brains.

I'm looking forward to making your
acquaintance. What's this all about,

Can we go inside?

Henselman?

Henselman. I have seen that name
somewhere, though. Why, of course you

madame. Bernard Henselman owns the most
exclusive book club in the world. Won't

you sit down? I'm very kind.

You're a book peddler, then.

I should have known. I'm sure thousands
of them come knocking on your door. If I

were, you'd have every right to be
annoyed. I came to discuss literature on

behalf of your friend and mine, Mr.
Henselman.

Books are my passion, Mrs. Worrell.

And Henselman and company have just come
out with a superb edition of the

complete works of Thomas Mann for the
discriminating collector of man.

Oh, how clumsy of me.

Oh, wrong case, naturally.

I'm sorry, but these days there's such a
demand we carry a small line of this

sort of thing.

I hope you'll forgive me.

I'm always amazed at how well they sell.

The appeal is universal, I guess.

At that moment, you'd expect any self
-respecting woman to throw you out of

house, right?

But 99 out of 100.

Do they?

No. You'd be amazed.

People are funny.

Now, here we have our edition of Thomas
Mann. Such beautiful prose. Let me read

my favorite passage for you.

She answered the door, feeling a shiver
of rapture upon her viewing her visitor,

for he was there before her eyes, the
handsome duke with whom she had spent

passions just the night before.

Those lips which had so deliciously
devoured her own, those fingers which

excited her flesh for hours on end.

Violent tremors of desire went racing
through her flesh as though lust would

consume her body.

What price such beauty, said he.

You have only to rekindle the flames of
passion and what you covet will be your

own. The Duke could no longer hold back
the beast within himself.

I want you. I must have you.

Oh, take me, she said. I'm all yours.

He pounced on her to ravage, devour, to
violate his precious possession.

The whole work is yours at half the
price you pay in the stores.

Are you sure that's by Thomas Mann?
Every word of it. And that's not all.

It gets more exciting.

More sensuous, more explicit the more
you read. Do you handle those magazines

subscriptions as well? That would
interest me.

Well, our firm tries to apply to people
of various tastes.

For instance, allow me to show you
something that's right up your alley. A

mind like yours can appreciate these
books.

Do you sell books that deal with human
relations, too? With every conceivable

relation. I'm very interested in
illustrated work. We have some splendid

pornography, too. Oh, I wouldn't think
of buying filth.

Of course not. We wouldn't think of
selling it either. We only handle first

-rate artistic magazines. With pictures.
With pictures? You can't buy quality

illustrations like ours anywhere else.
Mr. Henselman himself selects the

line. You'll see.

Superb, aren't they?

This photography is so excellent, it's
worth framing. I ask you, where else can

you find anything that can compare with
our material?

It's selected from the very best of
Oriental and Scandinavian sources.

And the poses are all authentic.

Taken from real life situations.

Do you have anything else to offer in
this field?

Yes. Our company thinks the personal
touch is important.

It's the personal touch which makes our
clientele, after all.

Perhaps this will interest you. I myself
have done a little posing.

Here, you see the one with one of our
customers.

Amazing. You're not interested in the
real thing, are you?

Oh, pillars of desire.

Oh, pleasures long unknown.

Oh, downy pillow.

Twin peaks of delight.

If I were buried there.

Is that all, Thomas? No,

it's all me.

Since the beginning of time, men and
women have sought excitement in erotic

and literature.

The vicarious pleasure of satisfying
one's sexual desires is still the only

solace of many lonely people.

Sales of pornographic literature are
soaring through the world.

No one can deny the universal appeal of
such material, especially to those who

lead unhappy, frustrated, or even non
-existent sex lives. For them, the world

of fantasy is more real than their
barren daily existence.

I never had it so good.

Do your sales of pornographic literature
go up when you employ your personal

touch?

If you think my business is pornographic
books, you're wrong. I sell people the

complete editions of works of Thomas
Mann.

If I decide to get the whole set, what
is the bonus you told me I'm supposed to

receive? Each month you receive one
volume, and at the end of the year, you

the box.

Plus the exciting special bonus of one
of these each month.

to assure you of lasting pleasure.

It's well worth it.

Now, if you'll just sign it, please.

The bonus will probably even appeal to
your husband, don't you think?

He may even learn something from it.

Do you have any James Joyce? I'm very
interested in him.

Actually, we do. I'll come with it next
week, if you wish.

With the bonus offer?

Yes, Mrs. Wall.

With the bonus.

So you see, all you need is a bonus
offer and you've got it made.

You work as a marriage counselor. Would
you say from professional experience

that the occurrence of adultery among
the so -called part -time widows is

unusually high?

Well, first of all, what we generally
refer to as part -time widows are

unfaithful wives, left all alone, with a
lot of time on their hands, whose only

compensation for the absence of husbands
is to commit adultery.

Unfortunately, some wives have sexual
needs beyond those of a normal woman.

And last of all, I frequently found
women who cannot sustain a physical

relationship with just one man. Such
cases are mounting today.

Would you say it's because of a general
relaxation of morals?

To a certain extent, yes.

To what extent?

As a result of free sexual mores, women
do not feel that adultery places a

burden on their conscience.

Due to a modern social mood, women's
liberation and so forth... The day has

when no woman thinks she's a personal
possession of her husband. If your

were to seek sexual satisfaction outside
the home, would you prefer he chose a

prostitute or someone else's wife?

If he went to a prostitute, I wouldn't
care.

I figure she could teach him something.

I prefer someone else's wife to be much
deeper.

I wouldn't like either one or the other.
I don't believe he's capable of it, not

from the way he performs, anyway.

But... I don't mind who he does it with
as long as my own sex life doesn't

suffer from it.

From the files of a professional
marriage counselor, we've chosen the

case history. Do you know what I'd like
for my birthday, dear? A party dress. I

even picked one out for you to get me.
There.

Isn't it darling fancy?

Know what a dress like that would cost?
Yes, precisely $300.

$300. Oh, no, I couldn't afford it. Oh.

For a flimsy outfit like that.

That's ridiculous, dear.

Why mr.

Toberman why not get it for Karen? It's
a perfect birthday dress.

No, it's much too expensive Well, I must
be on my way markets about to close See

you later.

Bye You see tight what come on I'll buy
you a

drink somewhere

You haven't. I just bought it yesterday.

I don't know how you do it.

That was a brilliant maneuver, Ben.

Dumping your shares of Delta Drilling
before it fell through the floor.

It was sheer genius. In this business,
it doesn't pay to be sentimental.

Evidently not. How about having lunch
with me? Sorry, but I have an

for lunch with an old friend of the
family. Oh. Some other time, huh? Yes.

Of course.

I hope he chokes on his goddamn money.

Don't make excuses for your husband.
He's just too darn cheap.

Now, look, it's not his fault if
sometimes business isn't as good as it

be. Oh, you are so naive, dear. You can
pay for it. It's got money coming out of

its ears.

Swimming in it.

Coffee, ladies?

With cream, please.

I certainly wouldn't put up with it if I
were you.

Shall I make a scene about it?

Just because of a dress?

It's not really that important.

What's the use?

You poor child. When will you ever learn
you can't depend on a man?

What's wrong with a woman being
independent?

I don't bother to even ask my old man
for car fare anymore.

No need to.

You're being too hard, Elsa. He gives me
money for the house.

Yes, but it won't pay for your clothes.

Look at it this way. You're young. You
still have a good figure.

You have nothing to wear.

And by the time you can afford it, you
won't have the figure.

It's like that for most of us now.

Most of us? Yes.

Not for all of us.

Now, look.

Why don't you get yourself a job on the
side just to make expenses?

Two days a week.

It's worth it.

There are ways of making money which are
pleasant.

But you don't know my husband.

He'd forbid me to go out and work.

And what business is it of his?

You don't ask your husband what he does
all day.

Karen, it's all settled.

You just leave it to me.

One.

Two.

Three.

Your wife must be an angel.

Do I have to put up with you?

Do you ever make love to her when you
get home?

I don't think it's any of your business.

As far as I'm concerned, sex has nothing
to do with marriage.

A wife's a thing designed to make bets,
not someone you make in bed.

What makes you think your wife is so
unlike the other women you know?

If you don't mind, let's talk about some
other subject, huh?

Okay. I just thought we've known each
other long enough. Yeah.

And we won't be seeing each other for a
while. Why?

I plan to be away for a couple of weeks.

Here.

What's that?

It's a telephone number. My summer
replacement.

She'll take good care of you while I'm
gone.

No, thanks.

Am I supposed to be flattered that you'd
pass me along to another girl?

Why, even doctors remember to give their
patients the name of a substitute to

call upon in times of emotional stress.

Oh.

I wouldn't want you to suffer in my
absence.

I'm sorry, dear, but I was held up at
the office.

I'm glad we have a table reserved.

So am I. After all, it is my birthday.

Anything wrong?

Tell me, where did you get that dress?

But I thought you knew.

From Brown and Son.

Yes, it's from Brown and Son. I know
that. But I don't know where you got the

money from.

Didn't I tell you?

I was so pleased. I received a check on
my birthday.

Oh, from whom?

Why, from father. He sent me some money.

How very thoughtful of him.

Dad's a thoughtful person.

And awfully generous, too.

When I told him I had my eye on it, he
never asked me how much it was. He sent

blank check and said, dear, you fill it
in.

It looks simply fabulous, too.

Darling, don't you think it shows off my
figure well?

Yes, indeed. It's done wonders for your
figure.

There's mud in your eye.

Up yours.

Careful, that could backfire.

I'm glad you two are friends. You're
quite a pair.

In fact, you're quite a pair all by
yourself.

I wonder how much they weigh.

Next time you come, bring a scale and
weigh them. Don't tell me you're all

out. Well, after two times...

You sure it was twice? Oh, I'm sure.

Vertically the first time around, and
then once more horizontally.

I got my money's worth.

If you had another one of these... You
wore me out. I've got a proposition

that'll wake you up. How would you like
it in another position? I'm worn out.

A third time around.

No, a threesome.

Beautiful. And you won't be
disappointed.

She's someone you, you'll love her.

Sex like you'll never have.

What are we waiting for?

Have her bring some more champagne.

Hello? Hello.

Katinka?

It's Merrick.

I've got you another threesome.

He's horny.

Don't waste any time getting here.

I can hardly hold him down.

Okay.

Hey!

Son of a bitch, you pinched me.

I ought to slug you for that. I can't
help myself.

Poor Katinka.

What'll she do?

Anything.

Come in.

Is that the one you meant?

Do you know her?

Sorry, I only wanted to surprise you.

You certainly did.

Here, sweetie.

Yeah, take it, sweetie.

Now look.

What's between you two?

Twelve years of marriage, that's all.

Right?

What?

You're married?

You've got to be joking.

It is a laugh.

That's the best yet.

I must say, I've got to hand it to you.
As soon as you found out where all the

money was going to, you hopped on the
bandwagon.

So I'm married to a common whore. If
you're going to play the game, you might

well have the name.

The question of fidelity in marriage
sometimes becomes a question of mutual

trust, or the lack of it. Let us return
to our first couple, after one year of

married life, when the first doubts
creep into their relationship.

Is your wife an amateur prostitute?

The proportion of housewives who are
turning a profit as part -time

is rising.

More and more husbands are learning to
their surprise what the little woman

during those long hours he spends at the
office.

Professionals are beginning to complain
that their businesses are hurting due to

the increasing number of mailmen,
deliverymen, and repairmen who turn to

housewives for consolation. Give me
that.

I wouldn't believe one word of that
crap.

But I don't think they could have
invented the whole thing.

Especially the figures. He'll print
anything.

I have an errand to do.

What's eating him?

He has tried all morning before his
wife.

So what?

There wasn't any answer.

What have you been doing all day?

Nothing. Same old routine. What's wrong?
I want you to tell me the truth.

Who are you? Where did you come from?
I'm here to fix the broken pipe for your

missus. The hell you are. I know what
you want. My plumbing works fine.

You want to take advantage of my wife.
You want to rape her.

Okay,

wise guy. There.

You can fix it yourself, you dirty old
man.

It's your own fault.

It's nothing. A big help you are. It
took all morning to get a plumber to

here and fix that pipe.

And when he finally gets here, you
attack him.

You tell me who's going to fix it now.

Just look at that. Can you do the job?

Oh, dear, you're not having any luck at
all.

Anyhow, it was good to see.

What? To see you get jealous like that.

I didn't think you had it in you.

Next time, though, please try to lose a
little more self -control.

Look, be reasonable. If I were having an
affair with someone, would I let him

see me looking like this?

Why not? You look cute as hell.

You're quite a sexy gal.

When will you learn to keep his mouth
shut like father like son?

Do you know what dear I hope he doesn't
grow up

to be as jealous as his father I Hope he
grows up to be a handsome

loving husband like his father Because
we spend more time together now, and

every day we love each other more.

And if you want your wife to be ever
loving and faithful, do yourself a

Spend a little more time with her. Love
her well and love her often.

Love her early and love her late. But
above all, be her lover.

Because if you aren't, somebody else may
be.