All language subtitles for Only When I Laugh s04e05 Escape

I'm H -A -P -P -Y.

I'm H -A -P -P -Y.

I know I am, I'm sure I am.

I'm H -A -P -P -Y.

I know I am, I'm sure I am. He's H -A -P
-P -Y.

Fig, you'll never guess who's having
that bed.

Who? It was a shock to me, I can tell
you. I just hope we'll be safe, that's

all. Safe? Who is he?

He's from the prison.

Are you sure?

Yes. I saw these two men walking down
the corridor. At first I thought they

holding hands and then I saw the
handcuffs. That must have been a relief.

A relief?

He's got a warder with him. That means
he's a hard case and he's going to be in

that bed opposite us.

Well, so what?

So what?

What are we going to do?

Shouldn't we hide our valuables? Look,
just because he's from prison, there's

need to panic.

Just treat him like anyone else. I find
if you treat people reasonably, they

respond in a reasonable manner.

You're right, Fig. What am I thinking
of? After all, he's a human being, just

like the rest of us. Of course he is,
Norman.

And when he comes in here, the first
thing we will do is offer him the warm

of friendship.

Then we'll hide our valuables.

Name's Figgis. Roy Figgis.

Oh, bright. Harry Bright.

Hello, Harry.

Welcome to God's waiting room.

What?

What are you in for?

Seven years.

No, I mean... What's wrong with you? Oh,
pains in the stomach. Well, you've come

to the right place. They're very good on
stomachs here.

Not so hot on open -heart surgery, but
you can't have everything, can you?

What are they going to do?

Give me a barium meal.

A barium meal?

Well, I mean, what's it like?

Do you want the good news first or the
bad news?

What do you mean?

Well, the good news is there's only one
course.

What's the bad news?

It's like swallowing wet concrete.

What's the matter with him?

He can't stand these places.

I can't stand the smell.

That's the disinfectant. They say it
kills all known germs and some you've

even heard of.

Why don't you wait in the corridor?

I've got to keep an eye on him, haven't
I? Well, you can watch through the

glass. I must say, you don't look well
at all. You've gone quite pale.

I do feel a bit queasy. Well, let me get
you a chair. You'll be all right. Just

put your head between your knees.

Oh, hello.

You're the new boy?

Yeah.

My name's Glover.

Archie Glover.

Harry Bright.

Nice to meet you, Harry.

Nervous? Yeah, well... Don't be. You get
nervous, the muscles tighten up, makes

things difficult.

Never lose that smile, Harry.

That's what pulled me through.

Laugh when the world laughs with you.

Weep when you weep alone.

Do you play Scrabble?

Sure, yeah.

I play all the board games.

Scrabble, Monopoly, backgammon, chess.

Chess? Yeah. We must have a game
sometime.

That's what I've missed in here.

Companionship.

Civilised companionship. I mean, these
two are all right, but they lack that

fine...

intellectual edge.

They don't stimulate me. I can see that
you and I are going to be friends,

Harry. I see you two are getting to know
each other. That's right, Figgis. Harry

and I are going to have a lot in common.

Right. The doctor ought to see you now.

I say he has to go.

I mean, they can't expect us to share a
room with him.

We don't even know what he's done.

Well, perhaps he's not too serious.

Not too serious? You don't get seven
years for defacing library books,

Well, I don't think we should complain.
He likes it here, especially after

solitary. Solitary?

Do you mean to say he's been in
solitary?

Did you hear that, Dickies? Well, that
does it.

He's probably stir -crazy.

Well, I think we should try and help
him. Oh, do you, Norman? Well, don't

complaining to me if you get mugged on
the way to the washroom.

No, Norman's right. We just can't turn
our backs on him.

Don't worry, Figgis, I don't intend to.
I mean, we don't know what's turned him

into a criminal. I mean, it could have
been his environment, a broken home,

the Tory party.

But perhaps if he could have... If he
got a chance to mix with a clean

upstanding type like you, Archie, it
could change his whole way of life.

you may be right there, Roy, but I'm
afraid it's too late for that. I have no

intention of sharing a room with him.
Ah, Mr Thorpe, I wish to make a

Not another one, Glover. I am not
sharing a room with a social misfit.

Someone who, by his conduct, has proved
himself to be beyond the very pale of

civilised society.

One moment, Glover. I know that Figgis
has his faults, but isn't that being a

bit strong?

I'm not talking about Figgis. I'm
talking about the man in that bed there.

A man who we now know to be a convicted
criminal.

Oh, I see.

Let me explain something to you, Glover.
That man is a patient and I'm a doctor.

Whatever he's done is no concern of
mine.

I treat the sick. I don't make moral
judgments. I never have done. I follow

calling, and my calling is to heal. And
I'm going to give that man the same care

and attention I gave you.

Poor devil.

Mr.

Thorpe, I must warn you that if you
continue with this, I may be forced

to discharge myself.

Don't raise my hopes like that. It's not
fair.

But supposing he becomes violent?

Well, that's hardly likely. Mr. Bright
said for a series of exploratory tests.

He'll be on a sedation most of the time.
Yes, he'll be tranquilised like them

tigers in the safari park.

I read a case about them the other day.
Bit this bloke's head off. That's

enough. But look, we don't even know
what he's done. Just relax, lover.

Remember the words of the immortal W .S.
Gilbert.

When a felon's not engaged in his
employment or maturing his felonious

plan, his capacity for innocent
enjoyment...

is just as great as any honest man.

There you are, Harry.

Now, I'd like you to come for some
further tips.

Are you talking about me?

Talking about you?

Of course we weren't, were we?

Oh, yes, you were.

You were speculating about me, weren't
you? You want to know what I'm inside

for. We don't want to know what you're
inside for, do we?

Oh, come on.

It's perfectly all right, you know. It's
quite natural to speculate when a

criminal comes onto the ward.

Criminal? Who said anything about a
criminal? Now, come along, Harry.

What are you in for, Harry?

I'm in for killing this bloke in a
brawl.

If you'd just like to come this way.

Just a minute.

They're not going to leave me alone with
him.

Oh, that's all right, sir. He's under
sedation. He won't give you no trouble.

The truth is, we just can't stand these
places.

don't you? No.

No, I don't want to know how it
happened.

Harry, it's none of my business. Live
and let live.

That's what I say.

It was self -defense.

I'm sure it was self -defense, Harry. I
used to work in this club, see?

I was a bouncer, but I wasn't violent.

I just used to lean on people.

Lean on people?

Well, there's nothing wrong with leaning
on people.

I mean, you have to lean on people if
you're a bouncer.

I mean, do I look like the sort of bloke
who would do a thing like that? Last

person I'd expect, Harry. I was only
saying so a moment ago.

Life is sacred to me.

I can see that, Harry.

He fell on his own knife.

Clumsy.

Falling on his own knife.

He just came looking for trouble.

Well, he certainly found it.

The police wouldn't believe me.

But you believe me, don't you? Oh, yes.

Yes, I believe you, Harry.

I mean, I think there are far too many
innocent people in prison anyway.

So you believe that I'm innocent?

Oh, yes.

I can see that you're innocent.

I can tell just by looking at you.

So you'll help?

What? Help me to escape.

Escape? Yeah.

All you've got to do... is nip down the
television room and leave the window

open.

But, uh, how are you going to get there?

Well, I shall get out of this window,
along the ledge, into the television

put some clothes on and scarper. It's
simple, isn't it? Simple but effective,

Harry. It's a wonderful idea, supposing
you fall.

Well, I shan't bounce, shall I?

All right.

Off you go.

I knew you was the one I could depend
on.

You've been a bear a bit, haven't you?
You know what's what. Oh, yes, I know

what's what, Harry.

And you know what happens if you cross
somebody when they've got friends on the

outside.

They get leaned on, Harry.

Right.

Not another window open.

He'll have a fetish for fresh air round
here.

It's the same in the TV room. Window
wide open. It was freezing in there till

closed it. You haven't closed the window
in the TV room. Yes, why?

Oh, my God. Now I'm done for. What are
you so scared about?

Is it Harry?

Wait a minute. Where is he?

He's out on the ledge. Out on the ledge?

I've got to get the water.

No, don't do that, Figgy.

You see, I'm an accessory before, after
and during the fact.

You mean you're helping him to escape?

Well, of course I'm helping him to
escape.

Because if I didn't help him, he was
going to lean on me. And if he didn't

on me, his friends were going to lean on
me. And when they lean on you, they

really lean for you. So please go and
open that window. But I can't. Norman's

there watching the television.

Oh, trust that little pipsqueak to get
in the way.

Well, we can't leave him out there,
Archie. He's not a bleeding tomcat.

What's the matter, Norman? You'll never
guess what I've seen at the window.

Well, of course we can't. We've no idea.

It was this.

Apparition. Well, I certainly don't know
how he got there.

An apparition?

Yes. I fell asleep in front of the
television and when I woke up then it

looking at me, a figure in white, arms
outstretched, in silent

supplication.

A figure in white, in silent
supplication.

You know what you've just seen, Norman?

An angel.

An angel?

Oh, don't be frightened to say the word,
Norman. But that's impossible.

Why is it? Why shouldn't an angel come
to Norman Binns? It's almost the

to erase the highest.

Anyone can see you've just undergone a
spiritual experience.

It's a privilege afforded to very few in
this life. Make a note of the date and

the time, Archie. The first sighting of
the bin's angel.

But why me? You've obviously been chosen
as some divine instrument.

Now, come on, get back into bed. You
look shagged out.

You're getting out of bed.

What's the cause of all this excitement?

Doctor, I... Norman has just seen an
angel.

Norman's just seen a what? An angel. An
angel?

In here?

No. at the window of the TV room. Oh, I
see.

Norman, I'm afraid we're going to have
to change your tablets again.

Oh, I see.

Skeptical. Typical reaction of a man of
science. If you can't see it or touch

it, you don't believe it. Figures. What
would an angel be doing pursed outside

the television room window at this time
of night?

Perhaps he was resting his wings.

I want to hear no more talk of angels.
If this gets down to geriatrics, it'll

all be going gaga.

I knew you wouldn't believe me.

Norman, I will share. Of course I
believe you. You thought you saw an

Well, that's not such a bad thing.
Nothing to be ashamed of.

It's to your credit.

But it wasn't there, Norman.

An angel is simply part of the rich
imagery of the Bible.

It don't exist, Norman.

No, Doctor.

And you certainly wouldn't see one here.

It's simply a figment of your
imagination. Do you understand?

Yes, Doctor.

Good. Now try and get some sleep.

Roy, you know that figment of my
imagination.

It's back at the window again.

How are you feeling, Harry?

I'm perished. I'm not surprised. There
must have been freezing out there on

ledge. Yeah, it was.

Before I ever find out who closed that
window. It was me, Harry.

You? What are you going to do about it?
Careful, Figgis.

Harry doesn't frighten me. I've just
been talking to the warder. He's not a

killer. He's just a common tea leaf.

What?

You mean he's never leaned on anyone?

Never leaned on anyone in his life.

He's a wheelsman.

What's a wheelsman?

He drives the getaway car.

But he was in solitary.

That's because the rest of the gang kept
picking on him. It was his fault they

got caught.

He insisted on fastening his safety belt
before he drove off.

You see, Harry is a little on the timid
side. You could terrorise him with a

balloon on a stick.

You mean you're not a killer? Just a
thief?

Well, don't sound so disappointed,
Norman.

I see.

Timid, are you?

Well, all I've got to say is this. I
don't know what it was that made me open

that window. Some misguided sense of
pity.

Some mistaken belief in your innocence,
I'm not sure.

But once bitten, twice shy bright.

If I find you threatening or frightening
anyone again, you'll have me to deal

with.

I can't understand what made you do it.
The warden says you've only got a year

left to go. I mean, why risk losing your
remission?

Oh, you don't understand figures.

It's been a long time.

Admit things.

What sort of things?

Oh, you know what sort of things.

Oh, those sort of things.

Why don't you go back to bed, Norman?

I don't want to.

Warm, soft embrace of a woman. Yes,
quite.

And she's missed me too.

Oh, I'm sure she has, Harry.

You see, now she's stopped coming to see
me altogether and I'm getting worried.

I've got to see her before it's too
late.

She's living not far from here and I
thought that, well, you know, if I

out, I could be back in the morning.

Oh, I don't know about that, Harry.

Look, she's not getting any younger. We
want to start a family.

You've got a point there. Not the sort
of thing you can do on visiting day.

You cover for me, and I promise I'll be
back in the morning.

What do you say, Norman?

No, I don't trust him. You just haven't
forgiven him for not being a murderer,

just a thief.

Look, when you saw him at that window,
you thought he was an angel. Now, didn't

that strike you as being strangely
ironic?

How do you mean? Well, there's good in
all of us, Norman, and Harry's the sort

of fallen angel, and it's your Christian
duty to help him.

But he only wants to go home for a bit
of... Norman!

That remark is not worthy of you.

I think we were meant to help him. That
angel was not a figment of your

imagination. It was a sign.

I think we were meant to save his
marriage, to show that we trust him, to

him back his self -respect.

Well, I hadn't thought of it like that.

But what about Archie? Don't worry. You
leave Archie to me.

Archie, it's about Harry.

Yes? He wants to go home and see his
wife, just for a few hours, and I said

turn a blind eye.

Well, I'm not going to turn a blind eye,
Figgis. But he's worried about her.

Surely you can show a little
consideration?

A little consideration? He's a criminal,
Figgis. He should have thought about

his wife before.

Crime does not pay.

Well, it does for him.

He made a hundred thousand on his last
job.

I don't care what he made.

A hundred thousand, and he did say he'd
show his appreciation.

What? Oh, but you're right.

I shouldn't have allowed myself to be
tempted. I was weak, Archie. Well, I

wouldn't say that exactly, Figgis. Oh, I
wish I had your strength, Archie. Your

rigid sense of right and wrong. Oh, shut
up, Figgis. I'm thinking. After all, it

is stolen money.

We could knock the sheets together and
lower him down.

What? Well, that's what we used to do at
Blindle's. After all, he's going to be

back in a few hours. And, you know, I'm
beginning to feel sorry for the poor

devil. But, Archie... Look, if we can't
help a fellow who's down on his luck,

what sort of chaps are we? Where are you
going?

I'm going to strip the bed.

Where's the warder? He's chatting up the
militants. Well, come on, let me take a

strain. My home's going to be locked
off. So do I.

Someone's coming!

What? Archie!

Why is this bed being moved?

He didn't want to be near the window.

But he likes being near the window. No,
he's feeling the night air, Doctor. He's

not feeling well.

Oh.

I think he's fading fast.

Love has been fading fast for years. I
don't think there's any grounds for

optimism.

No, the bed moved.

Yes, they've oiled the wheels. I have
complained about it. Oh.

What are you two doing sitting on the
bed? How many times have I told you

that? Get off at once.

I

see.

So you've helped him to his gift. You've
gone too far this time, Figgis.

I'm going to tell the warder. Can I have
a few words in private, Doctor?

You've been in prison for over four
years, Doctor. That's a long time. I

how he feels, Figgis. I've been here for
five.

Well, what we've done... What we've done
is sort of give him a passionate leave.

He was missing his wife. He was missing
his home comforts.

We can't just turn him loose.

He might be out there mugging an old
lady.

He's not like that, Doctor.

We'll be missed, Doctor. The prisons of
this country are filled to overflowing.

They won't miss one.

The prisoners may be filled with
overflowing figures, but that's no

you to start emptying them.

I've got to report him. Mr. Thorpe,
you've got two choices.

Either you can be a warm, compassionate
human being and turn a blind eye, or you

can be the stern, harsh face of
authority and shout, Officer, the choice

yours.

Thank you, figures.

Officer! Don't do it, Doctor!

I've got to think of my reputation,
figures! May I quote a certain an

member of the medical profession.

My duty is to heal the sick. What that
man has done is no concern of mine.

Nobody's going to blame you for showing
a little humanity, Doctor.

Yes.

I've not been here.

You haven't seen me, but if he's not
back tomorrow morning, I'll have your

for garters.

And you lose all heart.

Well done, boy.

Did I hear somebody call me? No.

What's happened?

Something's wrong.

I can smell it.

You're right, mate, you're right.
It's... It's Archie.

What?

Brace yourself.

You don't mean his... Snuffed it.

Oh, no.

Poor Archie. Yes, Norman, but at least
it was peaceful.

Shouldn't we send for the nurse? Too
late now.

All he needs is the meat wagon.

We used grease for silent running and a
couple of body snatchers and plimsolls.

We won't even know he's been here.

Except for a... Dent in the pillow and
his scrabble board.

Oh, my God.

Do you want to pay your respects? Give
him a flower. Poor Archie. He always

appreciated the perfection of a newly
formed leaf.

I'm sorry.

No disrespect.

I'm beginning to feel queasy again.

Nice one, Roy.

I wasn't... I'm innocent, I tell you.

Archie. No. It wasn't the officer. It
was Figgis.

Oh. It's all right, Archie. He's come
back.

Oh, what?

Harry's come back.

Has he?

Oh, thank heavens.

Has he got something for me? A package?

I don't think so.

Oh. Oh, well, he probably wants to give
it to me personally. Then you'd better

hurry, because he's leaving.

What?

Oh, hello, Harry.

What did I tell you, Fingers? I told you
he'd come back. Yes, of course.

How was... everything, Harry? All right?

Yeah, fine, thanks.

You didn't forget anything?

No. Blimey, it hasn't been that long.

No, I meant your appreciation.

Ah, yes, of course.

Light, Archie?

Yes, I'm H -A -P -P -Y.

I'm H -A -P -P -Y.

I know I am. I'm sure I am. I'm H -A -P
-P -Y.

Oh, yes, I'm H -A -P -P -Y.

Yes, I'm H -A -P -P -Y.

I know I am. I'm sure I am.

Yes, I'm H -A -P -P -Y. H -A -P -P -Y.
Only when I laugh.

H -A -P -P -Y.