All language subtitles for LA Law s02e10 Full Marital Jacket

Previously on L .A. Law.

Stuart and I want to announce that we
have finally set a date.

January 10th at Stuart's house.

She's not sophisticated in a lot of
ways, Stuart.

I'm just afraid you're not going to like
her.

And she's your mom. I'm going to love
her.

You know, your father used to say if
only he had had a Jewish bookkeeper,

all be millionaires.

Abby, who am I kidding? I never had it
in me to be a lawyer.

Mr. Markowitz carried me the whole time
I was here. What are you going to do?

The flying Giannellis?

That's my Uncle Baldo. He set the
world's distance record being shot from

cannon in the 1936 World's Fair.

Five generations of flying G &L. Now
it's going to be six.

A cannon? They want to shoot you out of
a cannon?

I'm the only one left who's not in a
wheelchair.

What are you doing in my bed with my
wife?

Quid pro quo.

You play, you pay.

And if you don't like it, I will divorce
you and take half of everything you

hold dear.

I never had a job before. I used to
worry that maybe I never could because

nobody would want to work with me. I
just want to tell you that I'm really

to be working here.

Yeah, we read them, but I don't know if
he got a tick or not.

I think it's a D -U -M -M -Y.

Hey, just keep moving. We don't have to
talk to us if you don't want to. You can

call a lawyer if you want, right?

The detective's talking to you.

Name's Benny Stolich.

Match the victim's general description.

He took off running when we tried to
question him.

Okay, Benny.

I'm going to ask you a few questions.

What's happened is very bad. I don't
want you to make it worse by lying.

You know why you were arrested, Benny?

Sex.

Well, rape is just a little more serious
than just sex.

Don't lie to us, Benny. Easy, Walt.

Everything will be much better if we
talk about it, Benny.

You hurt a woman tonight, didn't you?

Why don't we start from the beginning?

Come on, Arnie.

Can I talk to Arnie? Who's Arnie?

He's my friend.

He's a lawyer.

Why don't you just tell us what
happened?

He asked for his attorney. We're done.

Let him make the call and lock him up.

Not so tough anymore, are you, big guy?

Tough man with the women, but not so
tough here, huh?

Good morning, Rox.

Mrs. Toth, they canceled her 2 o 'clock.

And there's a message that Benny called.

What about it?

I wouldn't know. He called the service
before I got in.

Still mad, Rox?

Why shouldn't I be mad?

I go all the way to Palm Springs at your
invitation to be marooned with your

family while you...

You skirt off with a waitress. I was
helping a distraught woman get over the

trauma of being separated from her
family. Look, I'm late. She left her

in Sweden when she came over here to be
an actress, you pig! Sometimes your lack

of compassion really astounds me, lady.

You ditched your family on Christmas?

You ditched me?

You know, you are so damn selfish. You
don't care about anybody but... I have

got a staff meeting.

I'm very disappointed.

People, please, if we could get started.

First, on a personal note, and to
assuage any lingering anxieties, my

assure me that I'm totally out of the
woods.

There was, however, an interesting
aftermath to this frightening

which I would like to share with you.

You see, it forced me to acknowledge
just...

What a slender thread binds us to this
life.

And to realize that in the end, it isn't
the acquisition of material goods and

prestige that counts for anything.

Rather, it's our friends and our family,
those that we love and those who love

us.

Stuart, Anne, my dear friends, be happy
together.

Excuse me.

It's just looking at you two.

I feel so very privileged to be asked to
share your special day of love.

Thank you, Douglas.

Me too.

I love weddings.

Other people's.

Saturday, 2 .30, right?

Saturday, 2 .30, and I have maps printed
up in case anybody needs direction.

Now, how come it's always so impossible
for me to find a date to these events?

Who are you going with, Victor?

My sister.

She's staying with me over semester
break.

Doug, I have to be in federal court. Of
course. Forgive my digression.

Miss Perkins, how are the Muffin Kings?

We'll be taking Rograd, Inc.

public by the end of next month.

Here, here. Once again, I want to
compliment you on the superb job that

done. And what is this, Gianelli versus
Hartvick?

This is Gianelli as in Tony Gianelli? He
called me yesterday. He said he had

some kind of accident.

He doesn't harbor any ill feelings about
leaving the firm?

He did ask me to meet him in a
restaurant instead of here.

Arnie, that message from Benny?

He's in jail.

What? What for?

I don't know. He must have been there
all night. Come on, you've got to get

out. I don't even know what to do.

Run a writ?

Go. How can he be in jail?

Where was he last night?

I don't know. He goes to the mail room.

You want to fill me in? Not too long a
story.

A woman leaves the theater about 11 o
'clock. Your guy grabs her in the

lot off of Western Avenue and forces her
to early calculate. No way.

We've got a confession of victim ID to
his picture.

Detective, then he stole it. From the
neck up, maybe. This guy doesn't even

what sex is.

I've been doing this job for 17 years,
counselor, trust me.

Over the age of 12, I know what it is.

Benny, it's me, Arnie.

What happened?

Look at me.

Benny, we're going to get you out of
here.

But you have to help us out a little
bit.

Tell us what happened.

Benny, I know you're afraid, but you've
got to be strong.

Talk to us now.

Benny, it's us.

Your friends.

We can't help you unless you tell us
what happened.

Now, come on.

I did something bad.

I have to go to jail.

You look great.

Thanks. You know, when you told me on
the phone you were suing over a cannon

accident, I was pretty worried.

You look okay.

Are you? No, it's not me that's doing
the suing.

It's this guy in the audience that got
hurt.

I don't get it. Uncle Baldo must have
used too much explosive, and I overshot

the net.

You're kidding.

Tony, that's terrible.

Yeah, well, lucky for me, I landed on
top of this 300 -pound guy. He broke my

fall. Only now, he's suing us for $5
million, and we don't have enough

insurance.

Anyway, I answered the complaint myself,
and I tried to settle it out for $25

,000, but the guy said no.

Tony, I'm in the middle of this big
public offering.

You've got depositions set the day after
tomorrow.

I don't know if I can just drop
everything.

Look, Abby, this might seem like small
potatoes to you, but to me and my

this is no laugher.

We lose, we lose everything. Every
penny, the compound and Agora.

I mean, they'll probably repossess the
wheelchairs.

Tell you what.

Let me ask Jonathan Rollins to take it
on.

He's very bright, and he's very
aggressive.

You sure?

Mm -hmm. And if he won't do it, I will.

Okay?

Okay.

I really appreciate this. I get it.

Look, Abby, can I say something?

Mm -hmm.

This is from the heart.

I love you.

Thank you.

I mean it. I really love you.

As in man, woman?

I want to marry you.

Don't you think this is kind of sudden?

Yeah, well, getting shot out of a cannon
is kind of sudden, too.

It changes the way you look at things.

Tony, look.

I am a 26 -year -old divorced mother.

And even if I did love you, I don't
think that marriage to a human

in my future.

How about a date, then?

Come on, give me a chance to change your
mind.

I don't know.

Will you think about it?

Sure.

And in the meantime, I'll have Jonathan
call you about this.

I really appreciate this.

Hey, it's the least I can do for a guy
who's just proposed marriage.

The way I see it, we've got two choices.
We go to court and plead insanity, or

we avoid trial altogether by having
Benny declared incompetent. You can do

Well, he's uncommunicative, can't
contribute to his defense.

He's unfit for trial.

In which case, they throw him in a
mental bin.

You have any better ideas? I'm all ears.

Look, get him declared incompetent for
now.

Three or four months down the road, he's
judged competent again.

By that time, the victim's memories fade
a little. You have a better chance of

shaking her up at trial.

Yeah, but in the meantime, Benny rots in
the rubber room. Beach doing 15 at

Vacaville. Hey, look, we are talking
about Benny, okay?

He could not have done this. I know this
man. He does not have an aggressive

bone in his body.

Judging from the evidence, I'd say at
least one of his bones was a little

contentious. Douglas!

Look, Arnie's right about one thing. If
Benny gets locked up anywhere, he's not

going to recover.

He's already deteriorated after one
night. The main thing is to get him out

back here before he goes further into
the dumper. Hold on.

I don't think you should bring him back
here.

Where else is he going to go?

I don't know, but if we turn him loose
and our employee and he attacks anybody

in the building, we could be sued right
out of business.

Leland, he didn't do this. He is a good
person.

I'm not disputing his goodness, but
let's face it. None of us really knows

Benny knows when it comes to sex.

Maybe he didn't think what he did was
bad.

So we're just going to abandon him? No,
but neither are we going to expose this

firm to a lawsuit.

Put up the bail, Michael.

But unless he is completely cleared,
Benny doesn't work here anymore.

I'm sorry.

Hi.

Hey. How's it going with the flying
Gianelli?

It's actually kind of an interesting
case.

Do you want to hear some thoughts I have
on strategy?

Do you have any idea how long people
leave these things in? Frozen burrito,

about two minutes.

Anyway, how about a cross -claim against
the circus?

It could be that they were negligent in
providing the dimensions of the tent or

where the seats were positioned.

That's interesting, but I've come up
with something along a slightly

tack. Really? What?

Tell you what. The plaintiff's deficit
is tomorrow.

Come on by.

I'll try and find the time.

Great. It should be a hell of a show.

This session's in order.

People versus John Simpson.

Not alarm.

I'm sorry. You want to go from
conference?

Get him stuck now.

Lafferty Academy? I won't fight it. No,
but I've got to get him out of here.

I'll fight him tomorrow. You think he's
fit enough to stand trial?

Well, I will make that decision later.
And meanwhile, you want him on the

street.

Ralph, I know this guy. If I don't get
him out of lockup, the damage to his

psyche will be irreversible. Just give
me bail, I can make it.

Come on, I know you.

You're going to get him outside today by
using him. He's got all his marbles.

They're okay.

As trial day comes, you'll be back
cleaning insanity, huh? People versus

Stolwitz? Let's let him decide, okay?

Is the council here?

Michael Kuzak for the defendant, Your
Honor. Wave reading.

Plead not guilty.

Question of bail, Judge. We've got
violence, sexual deviance, threat to

safety. My client has no record, Your
Honor, no history of sexual violence.

Strong roots in the community. Lives
alone, no family, no money. He's an

employee of my law firm, Your Honor, and
I can attest to his reliability.

This is an isolated incident of alleged
violence. Serious violence, Judge. This

man is dangerous.

He's not dangerous.

I know him. This is the first defense,
Your Honor. There's no threat to the

public safety. No chance that my client
will miss the trial.

And O .R. is certainly in order.

It's not in my order, Mr. Cousin.

There's some indication of mental
incompetence here. And I'm not inclined

the defendant back on the street without
supervision.

Well, I would agree to exercise such
supervision, Your Honor.

And so far as my client is already
emotionally debilitated from this

think that further lockup could cause
irreparable harm.

I respectfully urge personal
recognizance or, in the alternative, a

bail.

$15 ,000 with the condition of
supervision.

The clerk will draw up the order. Next
case.

Hang in there, Benny. We're going to get
you out.

I don't know.

Stuart likes it a lot, but I'm not sure
if it's really me. Come on, let me see

it already.

You look gorgeous.

And notice the detailing.

Victorian lace, bead pearls at the
neckline.

Don't you think I could get away with my
beige silk suit?

Ann, come on, you're only going to do
this thing once.

Okay, twice. The last time was so long
ago, it's probably been expunged from

your record.

Think of the romance of the gown.

The other happy brides have worn it
through time.

Right, and where are they now? Either
divorced or dead.

I don't know.

Let me think about it for a few minutes,
okay?

Fine.

Oh, God, if I were you, I'd go for it.

It's so bridey.

And the whole point of this thing was to
keep it simple.

Just a few friends.

I know, but it means a lot to Stuart.
And I'm sure it does to your mom, also.

She's not coming.

I haven't spoken to her at all since she
was here last.

The truth is, I don't want her here.

Feeling the way she does about Stuart, I
don't think she'd come even if I did.

Of course you would, Ann. She's your
mother.

Please, no lectures about the sacredness
of motherhood right now, okay?

So, who did you decide to bring to the
wedding?

Well... I guess I could bring Tony
Gianelli.

Don't sound so enthusiastic.

Maybe I'm a circus bigot or something.

I just can't see myself going out with
someone who gets shot out of a cannon on

a regular basis. Come on, nobody's
perfect.

You like this one?

Um, I like this one better.

Hmm.

Can I see that bracelet?

It would look lovely with the dress.
Thank God, it's gorgeous.

Never mind.

So you really like it, huh?

I love it.

Okay.

Let me get our dressmaker. I'm sure we
can have all the alterations done by

Friday.

And if you do decide to marry Gianelli,
maybe I can loan it to you.

I don't think it would be right for me.
You're the one who likes it so much. I

do. I just have a feeling that the groom
would be more into spangles and capes.

Arnie?

Did you get him out?

Yeah.

He's in the stairwell. He doesn't want
anyone to see him.

I can't get anything out of him. He just
won't talk about it.

Maybe you could get him to open up a
little.

No, let me have a try.

Condition of bail. We've got to
supervise him. Could you take him home

tonight? Yeah.

I can't. I sort of have this... It's a
date there.

I... Well, Gracie's at my place tonight.

Believe it or not, you're the one he
seems to trust the most.

If anybody can get through to him, you
can.

Okay. I'll take him.

It's time to talk.

Look, I know that you're scared and
ashamed and stuff, but...

You gotta tell us what happened.

Come on, Benny.

I don't wanna.

We can't defend you in court unless you
tell us.

I don't wanna. Well, damn it, you have
to.

Look, maybe we can show that you didn't
know what you were doing or that you

didn't mean to hurt her. There are
different things we can do to keep you

jail. But we can't do anything until you
open your mouth and start talking.

You'll get mad at me. I will not get mad
at you.

I'm not going to punish you, Benny. I
promise.

We're friends.

Friends can talk to each other.

I... I went to one of those places where

girls have no clothes on.

Oh, boy.

Benny, what... No, never mind.

What happened at this place?

I gave a man some money, and he... He
took me to a little room.

He left me there.

A girl came out.

She was naked.

All over.

What happened?

She talked to me.

She said dirty things.

She told me to touch myself in bad
places.

Did you?

No, my mother told me never.

So what happened?

After a while, she went away.

Then another man came in and said I had
to leave.

So I did.

Then when I was going to the bus stop,
the police came to get me.

Wait, wait, wait a second, wait a
second.

What happened between the time you left
the naked girl and the police came?

Nothing. They just came because they
knew.

They knew what?

That I was in a bad place.

That's it.

Benny.

Benny.

I want you to tell me the truth now. The
100 % truth.

After you left this bookstore, did you
meet up with another woman?

No. Did you ever physically touch any
woman?

No. Benny, you told the police and you
told us that you did something bad. What

did you mean by that? I saw it. I saw
sex. She was naked.

They arrested you because they think you
grabbed a girl and forced her to touch

your penis.

I did not.

I did not.

Man to man, Benny. Friend to friend.

Did you ever try to make a girl touch
you or have sex with you that night?

No.

You didn't do it, did you?

I was joking about him. I called him
Ricky Retardo. And you'd recognize him

you saw him again.

Sure, he was sweet. Told me I was
pretty.

That's a first.

What about the time? Are you positive he
was in here at 11 o 'clock? My shift

was from 11 to 5 that night. He was my
first customer.

The victims of the attack occurred at
quarter past. If your testimony can

establish that... I'm not testifying.

Melanie, you're the only one in here who
remembers him. He could go to jail.

Look, between you and me, I'm on parole.

I'm not supposed to leave the state of
Colorado.

I testify. I go to jail.

Well, I could talk to your parole
officer. We might be able to figure

No way.

Well, wait a minute. At least come with
us and talk to the DA. He might decide

to... No. Look, I'd like to help the
poor guy, but I ain't willing to do time

for him. Look, lady, an innocent and
good man is going to get sent away for

years if you don't help him.

He's retarded.

He'll get completely destroyed if he
goes to jail. His life is at stake.

Please. There is only hope.

Can you really fix it with my parole?

Yes, I think so.

Okay. If you can fix it, I'll help him.

You all right?

Oh, yeah, thanks.

Oh, my God, I'm sorry about your car.

Is there much damage? I don't think it's
anything too serious, sir.

My insurance will cover it. Oh, that's
okay.

Look, Sam Millman, you work in this
building?

Yes, I work for Mackenzie Brackman. You
a lawyer?

No, no, I'm a legal secretary.

Oh, Jimmy Markham, Levi's stroller.

I've seen you in the elevator.

Yeah, I've seen you, too.

Kind of an expensive way to get
introduced.

No, not really. I mean, I like to think
that people come along in your life.

It's worth a pile of sheet metal to have
known them.

Sometimes it's just a matter of getting
those first few words out.

You don't seem like you'd be all that
shy.

Oh, I think everybody is basically shy.

I mean, you meet somebody, you want them
to like you. Will they laugh at me?

Will they hurt me?

Will they disappoint me?

Will you disappoint them?

Will the opportunity arise, which we can
find out.

Interesting question.

How about dinner?

I need

my passport, Douglas.

Passport? I've got to get away. I need a
vacation desperately.

From what?

All you do all day is shop, eat lunch,
and play tennis.

What is this, a freak show?

This is making me nauseous. Why don't
you leave?

Why don't we go into your office? I need
a check for $10 ,000.

$10 ,000?

Who are you taking?

Bjorn? Roger?

Oh, my God.

Not Errol. Oh, stop being so paranoid.

Now, can I please just have the money?
No.

We'll have a vacation together in July.

There may not be a July. Every dime you
own is half mine, Douglas, and I want my

nickels now!

Sheila, you're out of control.

Here's $100.

Have a facial. Get your nails done.
You'll feel better.

You were seated in the third row of the
arena, Mr. Hartvig. Is that correct?

Well, I'd taken my wife and our five
children out for a special day.

Some special day that turned out to be
crippled for life.

Uh -huh. Poor man. I know his pain. He's
trying to take all my money.

They announced the flying Giannellis,
and they rolled this big cannon out.

Well, my kids are scared to death.
They're covering their eyes. They're

this Gianelli guy is going to get hurt
or something when all of a sudden, bam,

he's flying through space right at me.

I don't have time to duck, to protect my
kids, to do nothing.

Wham! Hits me like a ton of bricks.

I can't imagine the pain.

I just thank God every day that it was
me and not my wife or kids that had to

take it. Uh -huh. I feel for his pain.

Mr. Hartvig, I see you're asking for
lost wages in your cause of action.

Nobody ever gave us any money for our
pain. You should bear it like a Janelli.

But he's not a Janelli.

Well, I haven't been able to work a
single day since this terrible tragedy.

you weren't working before it either,
were you?

I was temporarily laid off. For three
and a half years?

Lazy. If we could have a little quiet,
please.

The man's lazy, oh.

There's a big difference between being
temporarily laid off and never being

to work again for the rest of your life.

Forget work. I can't even move.

And that's why you're in a wheelchair
now. Is that correct, Mr. Hartnett?

I can't move a muscle.

Not a one.

Not any?

Well, my arms.

And wiggle my toes a little. But that's
it.

Oh, my God! Fire!

Where's the fire? Hey!

Nice to have you back on your feet, Mr.

Hartman.

Grazie.

Take care.

Bye -bye.

Okay, Tony, be good.

Bye -bye.

He's gone.

He's gone.

I called the bookstore to tell Melanie
you'd pick her up for the prelim.

Her boss told me she'd quit.

Where'd she go?

He doesn't have a clue.

Oh, great.

I got a call into Renee Quintana. Maybe
she can track her. Can we get a

continuance on the prelim?

Only if I can give assurances that we'll
find her.

Oh, God.

What's this mean?

It means that we have no way to prove
that he's innocent.

Then he could go to jail.

This is just a prelim, right?

I mean, we have plenty of time to find
her before trial.

Well, we were hoping to avoid a trial.
And with a trial, you have a jury.

And they're going to take one look at
Benny on the stand and see this big

hulking creature with all the paranoia
about the mentally retarded, sex, their

libidos.

They're going to think he did it.

No, they won't.

They can't. Roxanne, even I thought that
he was guilty.

Mike, do we have any way of winning
without that stripper?

I don't see how we can unless maybe we
can shake the victim's testimony

Benny's in trouble.

Big trouble.

And what he demanded, Miss Blood, was
oral copulation.

And I thought if I didn't do what he
wanted, he would kill me.

So I did it.

Did he say anything to you during the
act?

He kept saying, enjoy it, bitch. Show me
that you love it.

Do you see this man in the courtroom
today, Miss Blood?

That's him over there.

Let the record reflect the witness has
indicated the defendant, Benny

Nothing further.

Miss Flood, you told the police at the
scene that you never really got a good

look at the man's face, didn't you?

Yes, but I... So you're here today
making a positive ID of a face that you

really got a chance to see, isn't that
right?

I gave them a general description.

But you couldn't tell the color of his
eyes, his approximate weight, or even

approximate age. He's badgering the
victim. The victim is over there. He

confessed, for God's sake.

Is that why you think he did it? Because
they told you he confessed?

Objection. Overruled. Of course that's
going to make me think he did it. A

confession's a confession.

Miss Flood, I'm not trying to beat you
up, I swear.

But an innocent man could go to jail
here.

My client, Denny Stelwitz.

is mentally retarded.

On the night that this happened, he came
out of his drip show in the area of the

attack at the time of the attack.

Now, this was the first time that he had
ever gone to see a show like that, and

he was very much ashamed.

So ashamed that he ran away when the
police approached.

So ashamed that he admitted that he had
done something bad.

Now, that... is the essence of this so
-called confession.

He thought that going to a strip show
was bad. Is there a question remotely in

our future here? Miss Flood, Benny
Stolwitz is sitting in this courtroom

because you singled him out as the man
who attacked you.

Now, I think the reason you think he did
it is because the police told you so,

and you figured they have to be right.

Possible?

I don't know.

All right, then.

I want you to do this.

I want you to listen to my client's
voice and tell me... This is a circus,

Judge. She testified that he talked off
to the attack, Your Honor. Voice

identification is appropriate.

I'll allow it.

All right, Benny, I want you to read
this over and over again.

Don't stop until I tell you to stop.
Just like we practiced, all right?

Did the man speak quickly or slowly?

He spoke very fast.

Okay, Benny, read it as fast as you can.

As fast as you can.

Read.

Enjoy it, bitch.

Show me that you love it. Again, Benny,
faster.

Enjoy it, bitch. Show me that you love
it. Your Honor. Again, Benny, louder

time. Enjoy it, bitch. Show me that you
love it. This approach is completely

inflammatory. It serves no purpose
whatsoever.

It's relevant, Your Honor, and he should
be allowed to continue. Show me that

you love it. Mr. Trevino.

This is ridiculous ranting, Judge, and I
ask that it stop.

Your Honor, the District Attorney is
interfering with my cross -examination.

Well, everyone just quiet down for a
minute.

That's not him. Mr. Kovac, please
instruct your client. That's not him!

God, you told me you caught him. Your
Honor, she's been so bad to you. That's

not him! The man who attacked me didn't
talk like that. This man's retarded, for

God's sake.

Miss Flood, are you sure that's not him?

You may step down now, Ms. Blood.

This case is dismissed.

The defendant is free to go.

This court is in recess until 2 o
'clock.

We did it, Benny. We won.

Do I have to go to jail?

No, Benny. You don't have to go to jail.

And I owe you a beer or something.

Thank you.

Not too far, I hope.

Ernie, I swear to God, if you do this to
me again, you'll be typing your own

letters on Monday. Hey.

Hey there, Benny.

Good to see you.

What?

I'm scared.

Why?

Do they know what I did?

It's okay, Benny.

You don't have to be embarrassed or
afraid.

Everybody here is going to be real happy
to see you.

Benny. Congratulations.

Hi, Roxy. Hi.

Hey, Benny.

How are you?

I missed you.

Can I come back to work? Oh, you bet.
The mail room is all mixed up. We've got

dozen packages that need to be
delivered.

You want me to come in tomorrow?

Monday would be fine.

Okay. Eight o 'clock.

Ann? Ann?

Ann!

I'm in here.

Are you almost ready, my darling?

My hair still looks awful.

Let me see.

Bad luck for you to see the dress.

Ann, it's okay. I've seen it already.
Let me see.

You look unbelievably beautiful.

You were right about the dress. I love
the dress.

My hair is a disaster.

No, your hair's great.

The only thing wrong is the wrist.

My wrist?

Yeah, it's too bare.

Oh, Stuart, the bracelet.

How did you know?

I guess you wouldn't believe me if I
told you that's how physically attuned

are. You wouldn't believe that, huh?

No, I had a spy.

Abby? Uh -uh, the saleswoman.

She works in commission.

Is my lady ready to go to her party?

Wait, I just want to check it out.
You're beautiful.

There's something wrong with the hem.

Damn it. I snagged my hose on the damn
bracelet.

I hate these hoes. Damn bracelet?

I hate these. Oh, of course. Here, what
about these? These are the same color.

Do it.

You're making me very nervous.

Please, go outside.

I'll be ready in five minutes.

Five minutes.

You know, they're giving the bar again
in March.

Not for this cowboy, they're not.

It's no big disgrace to fail it twice,
Tony. I know guys who failed it 10, 12

times before they finally passed.

Well, that gives me an awful lot to look
forward to, doesn't it?

You don't like that.

I haven't worn one of these things in
months. I feel like it's choking me. I

used to get nuts sitting in the office
all day.

Here's a guy I went to school with.

He wears T -shirts and jeans. He has a
private practice out of his condo in

Malibu. Abby, the truth is...

I like what I'm doing now. It's
exciting.

I'm my own boss. I get to travel a lot.

It's fun.

That's great, then.

You've got a life that you like.

Give me a champagne, please.

Stuart, everything looks beautiful. Is
that mine?

Yeah, thanks.

How's Ann doing?

Abby, she just redid her hair for the
ninth time.

I mean, at the day of my wedding, it
took me five hours to get dressed.

Thanks. Very encouraging.

Stuart, I am so happy for you.

Thank you. You're a hell of a lucky guy,
Stuart.

Yeah.

Thank you.

Oh, you think maybe you and I ought to
try this someday?

I told you we wouldn't be late.

We're the last ones here.

Hello, Douglas.

Sheila. I'd like you to meet my friend,
Janet Robinson.

Sheila and Douglas Bright. Pleasure to
meet you. Pleased to meet you.

Sheila was late getting back from
shopping.

Oh. It appears the bride is running a
bit behind time herself. Maybe she's

to her senses and bailed out on this
part.

Sheila. If you forsake all others till
death do you part.

Is that a crock or what?

I mean, have you seen the new height
report?

Seventy percent of married women in this
country are fooling around. Sheila,

please. And, of course, my loving hubby
here does everything he can to keep up

the men's average, too.

Come on, Ann. You said five minutes.

What? I had to do something to give it
some height.

We're talking about two more minutes.

Two more minutes. You have 50 people
waiting down there who don't give a damn

about the height of your hair.

Mother? Great.

This is for you.

For both of you.

I know you don't want me here, but Anne
Fitt told me.

Annie, I'm only human. It isn't easy to
admit when you've done something wrong.

You know, at first I tried to convince
myself that it wasn't me, that it was

two of you who owed me an apology.

Oh, sure.

Annie, please. I have cried myself to
sleep every night for two weeks.

And that's supposed to be our fault? No.

No, it's my fault.

I was ignorant and cruel and hateful.

Stuart, do you think you can ever
forgive me?

Give me another chance?

It means so much to me.

It's, um... It's nice to meet you, Miss
Kelsey.

Annie, what about you?

Do you think you can forgive me too?

We've always been so hard on each other.

I'm not even sure if I've ever even told
you how much I love you.

And I do love you so much, my baby.

My beautiful, brilliant daughter.

And I want so much to share this day
with you.

Will you let me?

I think we can get those things out of
here now.

My mascara's running out. No, no,
mascara's fine. We'll put a veil on. We

go. We got people waiting.

They're just going to have to wait,
Stuart.

I'll get a tissue.

I told you to get started earlier. I
told you not to go into the office

And you just love getting to say, I told
you so. No, but somebody's got to be an

adult around here. You are the most
compulsive, the most controlling. Yeah,

yeah, yeah. Come on, let's go. I'm
warning you. Take your hands off me.

Right here.

Oh, it's so beautiful.

Barney. Give me a hanky.

Weddings always make me cry.

Two to one, this marriage doesn't last a
year.

Sheila, I'm warning you.

Might I suggest that since the two of
you seem incapable of getting in the

spirit of this occasion, you might take
your leave now.

And might I suggest that you are a
totally, inconceivably pompous, self

-important bag of wet brownies?

Sheila.

How could you say that to him? Because
you don't have the courage to do it

yourself.

For 20 years, you've let him step all
over you. He steps on you at the office,

and then you come home and step on me.

You're manufacturing this, Sheila.

I'm sick of the duckling.

I'm sick of you.

I'm sick of your bald head and your
hairy back.

I'm sick of your three -piece suit.

My affairs?

And who are you? The Virgin Mary.

We are gathered here in the presence of
these witnesses for the purpose of

uniting this couple in matrimony.

The contract of marriage is most solemn
and is not to be entered into lightly,

but with the deep realization of its
obligations and responsibilities.

I can't spend another day of this.

My lawyer will call your lawyer Monday.

Now then, do you, Stuart, take Anne to
be your lawful wedded wife?

Fine. Do you promise to love and comfort
her, forsaking all others, so long as

you both shall live?

Yeah, fine.

And do you, Anne, take Stuart to be your
lawful wedded husband?

Fine.

Do you promise to love, honor, and obey?

To love and honor?

In sickness and in health, so long as
you both shall live?

That's fine.

Ah, at this juncture, Ann, you had asked
to say a few words.

There was a poem that I was going to
read.

I must have left it in my purse.

I know. I should have planned ahead.

It's no big deal.

The only big deal is that you're here,
believe me.

Stop that.

Stop being nicer. I'm going to cry.

I've totally ruined this whole day for
you. Ann, you didn't ruin it. I did.

I wouldn't do anything till the last
minute.

It's just your way.

It's your way of dealing with what's
really bothering you, which is how scary

is to be standing here doing the M word.

Oh, Stuart, I'm such a bitch.

I can't believe I would fight with you
on our wedding day. Ann, people fight.

I've even grown to like it.

I love it.

I grew up thinking it was the worst
thing in the world.

It's really liberating to realize that
you can fight with somebody and still

love them.

With other people, I always used to try
and pretend that I was someone I wasn't.

And then I'd feel angry that no one
really loved me for me.

But you do, Stuart.

You really love me for me.

And that is the most incredible gift.

And I just hope to God that I can make
you half as happy as you made me.

I've never been so happy.

I never thought I could be so happy to
be here.

I love you so much, Stuart.

Let's not screw it up, okay?

Deal.

Deal.

You can go ahead now. I'm finished.

By virtue of the authority vested in me
by the state of California, I now

pronounce you man and wife.

You may kiss the bride.

You've already done that.