Original subtitles

Thank you.

Oh, my

God.

We have a little story to tell you.

Rooney, for allowing Mrs. Thurston's billy goat to scoff the label.

Is there any idea who it was intended for? We have not.

Funny sort of name.

Woozer. We'll send something around. I'm sure I've never come across it anywhere

before. Oh, I believe you.

I can't imagine anyone in Seatoon Lane claim to a better dog thing like... Why

don't you open it up, Mrs., and have a look what's inside?

Not until every avenue of identity... Communication has been explored, Rooney.

I'll tell you what I'll do. I'll run next door and fetch Mrs. Peacock.

nothing that comes or goes in these parts that that woman don't know about.

Well, that proves one thing, then he rolled up.

A cabbage ain't no good as a balancing aid.

Surprise, surprise.

That's because it ain't got no eyes, see.

A potato, that might do, because it's got eyes. If I could get a potato big

enough. Now, what I really need is me balancing aid. I don't believe you've

a balancing aid. Me neither.

Well, I have two. I've got a whole heap of aids. I can prove it as well, once

I've got me thing sent on.

How can a scarecrow have his thing sent on? You can.

know how to use the telephone.

Who says I don't?

Well, I does too, and I can write as well, because I've got a writing head,

I've got a telephone in it, so I could use them, couldn't I, for getting a

message to back home, to where I used to come from, to get me things sent on.

And did you?

No, I didn't. Well, I couldn't, could I?

Because I hadn't got me heads with me, and me heads is me things.

Huh. Don't you hurt me, little mister.

We has all sorts of ways of doing things, us scarecrows has.

Us can talk to birds and beasties and all manner of creatures.

And that's what old Wurzel's done, see.

He passed a message on to a friendly seagull as was flying back from my... as

was flying back from his winter holidays in Africa.

And I asked that seagull to tell me Scarecrow friends back at Skatchbrook

was wanting me things sent on. And I reckon they must have sent them on by

The only trouble is... What's this?

Well, I hope that no daft humans don't go poking their long noses in where they

don't belong.

Because if they does, they'll get a shock, I reckon.

Oh, I'm shocking enough, all right.

Is the rest of the poor man in there, or is that all that's left of him?

Not an actually real fellow, Mrs. Peacock.

Well, I'm glad to hear it.

It wasn't my opinion.

Somebody carved it out or something.

Who would make a thing like that?

Sort of person that didn't see fit to stop at the one.

That's even uglier than the first.

There must be a dozen or more at least.

And somehow, they're all the thing to look at.

Somehow, each of them's different.

I know exactly what you mean, Rooney.

They remind me of someone, but I can't quite put a face to them. Do they ring

any bells with you at all?

They do, they do.

But I'm blessed if I can bring him to mind, either.

Oh, doff it, the two of you.

I just want to get them out of here.

I'd give a week's wages to find out where they were going to.

The Museum of Folk History at Peewockawocka.

Oh, remarkable.

Remarkable.

These are among the finest examples of primitive folk culture that it would be

my pleasure to come across.

Allow me to introduce myself. Professor Pike, curator of the Self -Same Folk

Museum.

Oh, how fortuitous that I should chance to call in here today of all days.

Whilst I have not the slightest idea where these amazing pieces came from,

can be no doubt that their ultimate destination was my museum.

Museum pieces.

But they're valuable, then.

There's no difference whether they're worth a fortune or a farthing, Rooney.

I'm only glad to see the back of these monstrosities.

I'll get them on the trap and off to Piwaka Worker.

Oh, it's you lot, is it? I might have guessed.

I suppose it were you who was giving me that push, were it? Only for breaking

concentration, Wurzel. Well, I don't know about that, but it dang near broke

twigs and bruised me straw.

I'd be tamed easy in the first place using a collie as a balancing aid

you lot pushing and prodding the poor old Wurzel and making him fall again.

That's what we're trying to tell you. There's no need to use a cauliflower for

head. Well, how's that?

You don't know what I can lay me hands on a big broccoli, do you?

You don't need any kind of vegetable.

You're a...

Hangman, didn't you say so? What are we hanging around here for? Come on, let's

get... Hey, could you give us a ride to Pee Waka Waka?

Coming. Thanks.

Pigsville.

Not bad, Pigsville, if Pigsville goes.

Youse can't come in. Why not?

Youse can't come in because I says youse can't come in. And I says so because

I've had trouble with your sort before.

And apart from that, we're closed.

Well, we will be in a few minutes.

Well, you shoot yourself, you frosty old face -ache.

Anyways, we don't want to go into your mouldy old museum anyway, does we,

Titchies? Skedaddle, then. We don't want no vagrants hanging about here.

I'll skedaddle, all right, mister, when the other one of us comes out.

Oh, no.

Oh, no. You don't catch me with that old trick.

You're going to tell me that there's four of you, aren't you? And that the

one's in there, right?

That's right.

And then I tell you to nip inside and fetch them out. And then you go and I

don't set eyes on you again.

Oh, no, oh, no.

I am not as green as I am cabbage -looking. You stop there, and I'll go

and look for them.

Come on.

That's my intended standing.

there.

She's having a sulk, I shouldn't wonder.

She's my intended and I'm her intended. In fact, we're both intended to each

other. One of these fine flop -a -loo today, it's as eminent as the crow man's

going to marry us.

Both of us together and make us both a proper pair.

What do you say to that, young Titchy?

Nothing.

Hello, Aunt Sal.

Speak to me, Aunt Sal.

Go and sulk on then, you daft ape, but see if I care.

Happens I marry someone else.

You ain't the only turnip in the vegetable patch, you know. Not by a long

stretch of garden, fine.

Hey, Wurzel, come and look at this.

What is it, Wurzel? Oh, this is one of them there steamy organs, what plays

music of fairies and fates and carnivals and such.

And there's swings which swings up and down, and roundabouts which goes round

and round, and my Aunt Sally gets wooden balls chucked into red, and everyone

has a rare old time of it.

How do you work it?

Well, you don't, they does.

And this here golden -headed missy woman will be sticking around. She's the boss

in charge of all of them, you see.

My, my, my, she's a fine figure of a missy woman, isn't she?

Yeah, I reckon she'd make someone a rare old wife, she would.

Wouldn't mind being married to herself.

Is that my tin of eggs?

Yes.

Oh, my, my, my.

It's me eggs.

Look at that. That's an egg and a half, that is.

What's it do?

Well, it's me thinking egg, of course. What's it look like?

But what's it do?

What's it do? What don't it do? It knows everything there is to know, this egg

does. Everything under the sun, I shouldn't wonder.

It doesn't look to me as if it knows much.

Well, that's because I ain't got it on. Once I put it on, it starts thinking

wonderful things. And once it starts, it doesn't stop.

Bet you it doesn't work.

Bet you it does.

What are you thinking, Weasel?

How do I know I haven't got it on yet?

I told you it doesn't work.

Yeah. My, oh, my.

I ain't seen this lot since last Michaelmas.

Now, what have we got?

This is my Swedish circus head.

It's called a Swedish circus head because it's made out of a tweed, not a

wortel.

And that's me magician's head.

Oh,

yeah, look at this.

You know what that is?

That's me come dancing head.

I'd forgotten I got this, eh?

I bet that one doesn't work either. I don't think any of them do.

Oh, don't they just, Missy, know it all?

Well, I'll soon show you whether they works or not.

It doesn't work.

Well, of course it don't work.

How's a dancer's head supposed to work if there ain't no music for it to dance

to? You give me some music, young missy, and I'll show you some dancing, all

right?

Look, we're going...

She

ain't come to life.

My name's Walter Ledgerow Gummidge.

Who are you when you're at home, missus?

When I am at home, Herr Gummidge, I am in the Black Forest, which is where I am

come from.

And I am Rudy von Crotchet.

And when I am not at home, I am here with a wunderbar steam organ.

And still I am Rudy von Crotchet, the world's famous international...

celebrated conductress.

Come, Herr Gumich, in your arms you must take me, and I will teach you the steps

to the time.

I'm fine, right here. I'm fine, right here.

It's hard for you to understand when someone is trying to talk to you. I said

excuse me.

Excuse -a -no?

Excuse -a -no for which?

And why should I be pleasing to excuse -a -no?

Because it'll excuse me not, you ignorant ill -bred fair -ground

What? Fair -ground ignoramus also to you, ja?

I'm no fair -ground appendage, I'll have you know. I was brung up at the best

possible place.

And if you'll excuse me, I would like to take a little whirl around the floor

with my... Intended?

Aunt Sally, did you say intended?

Does that mean we're going to get married after all?

What did you mean? I'm considering the possibility, which means hands off as

as you're concerned to Fairground Brickbrack. Is this the truth, Herr

Is it engaged to be married you are to the fight show don't cough?

Ah, don't cough, you, you steam organ's trumpet.

I'm genuine Melorabrilia, I'll have you know.

It's true, Miss Trudy.

Aunt Sally is my intended, and I'm her intended, too.

And right this minute, though, Aunt Sally, old Wurzel's intending to have a

dance with Trudy Rucker.

Intending to dance, Wurzel? With her?

You must be off your chump.

You aren't seriously intending to practice the erpsy -turpsy Korean art

woman what's been carved by gypsies and pongs of engine oil and haxel grease.

I'll dance with whomsoever I please, Aunt Sal.

Neither you nor nobody else is going to stop me.

Nein, nein, Herr Gummitsch. If to this Wormwood -rattled fraulein it is engaged

you are, then, jawohl, it is only right that first dance with her you must.

I, Trudy von Crotchet, will conduct the orchestra.

How awfully well bred of you.

Then you are quite ready.

I'm quite ready.

As long as I don't have bird droppings down my jacket and cow flock on me.

A tin trunk full of heads, you say?

Naughty, ugly, brutal objects they were, Mr. Croman.

Well, Rooney fetched them from the station.

I did. I did that. And if I'd known before we opened the lid what was in the

thing, I doubt if I'd have laid my hands on it. And you might want to inquire

with Mr. Fecky where these heads are now. The Peawucker Wucker Museum.

Although that wasn't the name that was on the label.

put the name on the label. Ah, now, well, Your Honour, that's difficult to

considering the Widow Thurston's new billy goat consumed the most of it.

Funny old name it was, though.

Weevil... Wazzle something or other.

Something like that.

Wuzzle Gummidge.

That's it.

That's definitely it.

Wuzzle Gummidge. Spot on the button.

Wuzzle Gummidge.

Do you know the fella, then, sir? Ah, no, no, no. Never heard of him.

But if I do run across the man, Rooney, I promise you, you'll be the first to

know. Thank you, sir. Good day to you, Mrs. Tafeki.

Where shall come it? How dare you?

Sending for heads without asking for my permission.

If the humans discover that those heads of yours have the power to live and

breathe, they'll uncover the secret of the entire scarecrow race.

I'll go and rescue her, that's what I'll do. From the travelling scarecrow

maker? You wouldn't dare.

I reckon I'll have to.

Of course, I was the one who chucked her through the window in the first place.

So I must be the one to go and find the travelling scarecrow maker and get Aunt

Sally back safe and sound.

Don't come.

Scarecrows don't go looking for the scarecrow maker.

He comes looking for them.

And you know what he'll do if he catches you, don't you?

What? I will tell you.

Tot.

Tot?

You're afraid of the treacherous peacemaker, aren't you, Russell?

It's because I'm afraid.

I'm shivering in my boots and my straw's standing up all along my back before

I've even started out.

Because I know what he'll do to me.

He'll chop off my arms and legs and make me into one of his lopsided scarecrows.

And then I'll be bound to him forever and ever. Shall we come with you,

No.

No, this ain't a place for Titchy.

Not where old Wurzels go entertained.

Then I will come with you here, Gummidge. Be your bodyguard.

No, no, you better stay here, no.

This here's scarecrow business, and scarecrow business only.

Don't call me scarecrow. You should have your head examined going alone.

Well, I ain't exactly going to be alone.

Not want to have me heads with me to help.

Set one of you, Selby.

More use than you think, young Titchy.

Oh, well.

I suppose I'd better be on my way before it starts getting dark. Weasel, you've

left one of your heads behind.

Oh, dang me, so I have.

And double dang me, if it ain't the most important head I'll be needing.

My God, an apple strudel. Such a fine head I've never seen before.

That's me brave head, Miss Trudy.

So that travelling scarecrow maker better watch out for his magic when I

this head on.

Do you think? I hope so.

Auf Wiedersehen.

Good luck.

Come on, Manu. It's getting late.

They've gone.

They were in here, but they've disappeared.

But who could have any possible use for them?

Come in, sir. You would have been here.

I beg your pardon?

Who did you say? I said I haven't the faintest idea.

Yes, well, I'm afraid you've had a wasted journey.

Although, if you are interested in fair ground memorabilia, we do have here a

particularly fine example of a late Victorian steam organ.

Mr. Crowman?

Just coming, Professor, just coming.

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