Original subtitles

-When are you leaving? -Tomorrow.

Not without a farewell party, I hope?

You're good.

I'm looking for someone to organise a birthday party

for a celebrity's girlfriend.

Celebrities? Can't stand them.

A footballer. Nice guy.

There are nice guys everywhere.

We're here!

-We're here. -Ibiza!

Boyd, look.

-He's here. -We're going to be famous.

It's Armin van Buuren.

Hey, we're DJs too!

Let's give him a CD.

Hey, I don't want to end up in jail again.

-Come on, Lars. -Watch out.

-What the hell did you buy? -What?

Your grandson is eight.

Hey, that's our suitcase.

Look at them.

Get off, guys.

Come on.

Honey, don't be mad...

but they've sent the whole collection through to Dubai.

-Dubai? -Yes. It's not my fault.

Has any trend ever started in Dubai?

-I'll call this afternoon. -Trends start on Ibiza.

Listen honey, I'll take care of it.

Just take a few days' vacation.

I'm not here on vacation.

I'm here to promote my bikinis.

-Can you smell it? -Strong isn't it, the kerosene.

The smell of testosterone. The perfume of Ibiza.

How about a date, baby? I'll pay. In kind.

You could be his babysitter.

I don't care if I could be his granny. We're here to get laid.

Oh, yeah?

The last time I had sex was when I played Scrabble.

Double word value.

I brought ten books.

While you're sleeping off your hangover,

I'll be lounging on the beach with Doctor Zhivago.

Let's see if we can play doctors first.

Real Madrid paid for all of this?

Yes, this is our best house yet. Except for this, of course.

-This is awful. -What's wrong with it?

My shoes won't even fit in here.

It needs to be three times as big.

And Kevin is okay with that?

Dear May, one smile is enough.

-Hey, baby. -You see it's not too big?

Only the best for my girl.

The walk-in closet is too small though.

Shall we make it a big bigger?

No problem, babe.

What does my Kevin have in store for my birthday?

-I've no idea. -What?

That's what I'm paying this lady Minique for.

Dude.

Lizzy, could you get me a can of pineapple?

Quick Lizzie.

IBIZA FEVER

-Hey, sis! -Hey.

Wow, you look sexy. And so grown-up.

I am. I'm 21, remember?

21, eh?

-It was my birthday two months ago. -Really?

Are you turning into Dad?

Guys, welcome to Grandpa Party Animal.

-I'm sure there's a pool. -That way.

Dad, can I go in like this or do I need swimming shorts?

There's no water in it.

-Hi, darling. -Hello.

Hey.

-You look gorgeous. -Thanks. I brought presents.

This one for you, and this one for you.

-Your own design? -That's right.

Oh, cool.

-I love it. -Treat it carefully.

The rest is somewhere in the Sahara.

Sarah!

Sis, get the glasses.

Easy, Dad. I have a headache. My bikini collection is...

A gentle hug then. Hi sweetie.

Hi, Dad.

-Shall I give you a hand? -That's sweet.

So, how is Pim?

Busy. Two young kids.

Ambitious wife.

So you really need a break.

Yes, you could say that.

Then you've come to the right place.

On Ibiza, anything goes.

I lost my virginity here at 14.

Nice, grandad.

What shall we give him for his birthday?

You probably have something in mind.

There's a Perry Como album on eBay from his birth year.

Isn't it perfect?

The last thing Dad wants is to be reminded of his birth year.

She's right.

Any other suggestions?

Why don't we just party for a few days and celebrate in Lizzy's bar?

You still work there?

You could do so much more than that. Come on, you're hitting thirty.

26, Zara.

Do you have a boyfriend, or do you still have quickies with your colleagues?

Well, her colleagues are really hot.

We're expecting a new batch soon.

Stop it, that's disgusting.

So what do you do for fun then?

Pim doesn't look like he gets dragged out to the back very often.

Well...

Pim and I have a great sex life.

Really?

Must be difficult, if you're always wearing the trousers.

You should try keeping them on a bit more often.

Girls, this is so much fun.

Let's forget about my birthday and go with the flow.

Jesper.

Pim, pay attention! Do I have to do everything?

What's up, hon?

Our sister's right, I'm getting too old.

Too old for what?

For running around the beach club.

For everything, really.

You must always take footballers to the best places and restaurants.

You always book a VIP table and never ask for the price.

Easy peasy.

Watch out for their girlfriends. They're often jealous.

Look into the lens.

Oh my God.

Take your shirt off. Come on.

Off with it.

-Gorgeous, right? -Horrific.

Looking good, guys.

Not with that stupid ball.

The ball stays. Come.

Very nice. Look sexy.

I'll introduce you in a moment.

-Hi, Kevin Hoogland. -Lizzie.

-Do you have any experience? -Yes, I do.

I've worked with musicians all my life, and they're very demanding.

So just let me know what you want and I'll take care of it.

What can you offer me?

Gio's has been fully booked for months but I can get you a VIP table.

We were at Gio's last week.

A yacht to Formentera Island? DJ on board, feet in the sand...

The beach is for paupers.

-Kevvie, can't you hire a cute guy? -Sorry...

Her girlfriend would just love to arrange that for you.

Yes, she's a huge fan.

Your girlfriend?

We live together. We're so in love.

-And she's a fan of Kevin? -No, of you.

She voted for you loads of times on X Factor.

Do you hear that? Even dykes love me.

I can call you that, right?

Sure, dyke, lesbo, lezzie, whatever you like.

My friends and I have made a list.

Honey, why don't we just leave it to Minique and Lizzy.

They're the experts.

But I want penguins at my birthday party.

They always make me laugh.

If you want penguins, I'll arrange some for you.

See, honey? Penguins to make you laugh.

Hey, Gran.

Already?

Gran is nearly at the harbour, so I'll pick her up now.

You can't go now.

Our tattoo designer will be here soon.

Fuck.

That's true. Shit.

I can pick up your grandmother.

-Would you do that? -Of course.

-That's sweet of you. -No problem.

She's kind of special to me.

-What's her name? -Karla Hoogland.

Karla Hoogland?

-Hey, thanks a lot. -Hey, pleasure.

'Hey, pleasure'.

'My heart goes boom', not.

Take your time. You've forgotten me, haven't you?

Jacky?

Wow. Hi, Lex.

-How are you? -Fine. Just got in. You?

Still haven't grown up, I see?

Grandad...

How time flies. Even for a pop star.

Bye, Lex.

Jacky?

Have fun.

I intend to.

I'm getting rusty.

How nice, a shawl.

It's a dress.

If you keep dressing like an scoutmaster, I won't stand a chance tonight.

-You don't expect me to... -Put it on.

I'm not wearing this.

I can't even get into it.

Look at it.

I'm taking it off.

Hello.

I look like an Olympic swimmer.

But without a medal.

You look gorgeous. Let's go hunting.

I don't know.

If you don't have fun,

you can always get it on with Doctor Zhivago on the beach.

-But what if... -What?

What if someone of the opposite sex shows an interest in you?

Run for your life.

Zar?

Darling, I was thinking...

When I get the bikinis back and we've done the photo shoot,

shall we go camping for a few days?

Just the four of us.

Sleep under the stars, wake up on the beach.

Maybe even make out?

It's been a while.

What if we forget how to do it?

-Pim? -Yeah.

I've got the most important photo report of my career, and my bikinis are gone.

I'm trying to stay calm and relaxed. So if you don't mind...

If they don't get here, surely the magazine will want you next month?

-That's the autumn edition. -Next year, then?

A 29-year-old designer might be hot,

but a 34-year-old one is past her sell-by.

Sweetie, you're 31. I'm sure you'll...

Zara...

Be like that.

-I'm Karla. -Welcome to Ibiza.

You've put on weight.

You were much thinner on TV.

No, I'm not Elza.

I'm Lizzy, their party planner.

I'm organising Elza's birthday party.

Can't they do that themselves?

I'll take this one.

Those bikinis are really a nail in my coffin.

All that stress for a tiny piece of fabric.

What about you?

Not ready for a steady boyfriend?

No.

Guys my age are such babies.

-You know what I mean? -Yes, I do.

When I was your age I was too scared to even talk to a girl like you.

You've come a long way since then.

I really feel like you understand me.

I just feel so lonely.

Everyone feels like that sometimes.

Wow.

What is that?

Grandpa has a drumstick!

God, it's like The Bold and The Beautiful.

Gran!

It's so great to see you.

Elza.

This is Elza. You've seen her on X Factor, obviously.

This is her in real life.

Grandmother-in-law. Gran.

-What should I call you? -Just Karla is fine.

Gran, it's so nice to have you.

What do you think of it?

Isn't it beautiful? It's me.

When it's finished, Kevin is having it tattooed on his back.

How will it ever fit?

Smaller, of course.

There are more photos of me in the kitchen. Want to see?

Does she eat enough?

I'll do the talking.

-We're looking for the manager. -Speaking.

I'm Lars. These are DJs, Boyd and Dylan.

We've got something you've never heard before.

Music?

-You want to play it here. -She's fast.

-We've got enough. Good luck. -Wait.

Progressive, electro, Deep House, Club House, Acid House, Euro House.

Techno, Drum 'n Bass, this is different.

We already have Ibiza House, we don't need your music.

So this is Ibiza House?

Slick, prehistoric shit. Graveyard noise.

Is this what people come here for?

We're about to change that. Come on, keep the spirit.

You know I never even used to like fish?

I really like the tuna.

Great place. Nice and quiet.

-What's up? -Nothing.

Haven't had enough to drink.

Next time we're going to Paris.

How are the bikinis?

Vanished from the face of the earth. Thanks for asking.

You know Bikini is an island, right?

Maybe they've gone there. Back to their creator.

I don't believe this.

Are you still taking that shit?

No, I just had a little pill for starters.

I feel 100% okay!

Happy Birthday.

It's not for another two days but thanks anyway.

My sexy tiger.

Guys, I love you.

You're a real free spirit, I love it. Fist bump.

Hi, everyone.

-Can I have some champagne too? -No way, darling.

You know that makes them high-strung.

Not as high-strung as you.

Cheers.

They're into us.

Not too young, not too old. Perfect.

Is he looking?

No, he's just scored.

You said he wasn't looking.

Now he is.

You think he likes me?

Figure it out yourself.

-You have experience. -He's coming.

Fine. And you?

Oh, you're Dutch.

With a hint of Italian. You?

I grew up here but my parents are from Brussels.

My name is Steve.

My first STD was from a Steve.

I love Belgium. That's where the south starts, I always say.

Your south starts a lot lower down.

Your first day here? We'll show you the clubs.

Great idea.

We'll order a taxi. And a VIP table.

Wow, that looks good.

Look at you.

My daughters.

Pim and the boys.

-Jesper and Sam. -Jesper and Sem.

That's what I said.

I've missed you.

I hadn't noticed. You love it here.

And yet it's true, Zara.

Now, and when you were young.

When I was wasting my time recording albums...

-Having affairs... -Touring...

More women than condoms.

And for what?

-You came second in the charts in... -Japan.

Go on, laugh.

You're right, I sucked at fatherhood.

And at being married.

Let's leave our mothers out of this.

Yes, let's.

I can still see them, those mothers of yours.

Staring at me, and suddenly...

They point their gun at me...

And I say: Go on, shoot.

Because they're right.

I've been a selfish bastard.

-Boys... -Come here.

Grandad is drunk.

-Boys, let's go. -Stay here, all of you.

-What do you want? -Come here.

-Better do it. -All three of you.

Dad, I work on this island.

I love you.

-Dad, I can see your cleavage. -Mea culpa.

-Forgive me. -We forgive you.

Sure, Dad.

Yes, you're okay. Just get up.

I love you. My sirens.

And from now on...

I'm going to be a good dad and grandad.

This guy...

...is getting a makeover.

Raise your glasses.

Let's celebrate life.

-Do you know what that ring costs? -So what?

1400?

One smile is enough.

He said: Don't settle for less.

That means the bigger, the better, right?

Yes, wanting the best.

-Gran, everything all right? -Sure.

-You're not cleaning, are you? -And why not?

You don't have to clean here.

-I'm sure she looks gorgeous in it. -She has a name. Elza.

What do you think of her?

Of Elza?

It's your choice.

I'm going to propose on her birthday.

What'd your dad think of Elza?

Do you have any doubts?

About the two of you? No.

But apart from the X Factor, does Elza have a degree?

I don't have one either.

Every little bit helps.

Cup of tea?

Hi, I'm back.

Sorry.

I'm sorry.

-Do you like Ibiza? -Up to now, yes.

-Kevin, can I ask you something? -Sorry.

Marriage?

-Come here, honey. -Kevin, can I get your autograph?

-Will you take care of it? -Of course.

Come on.

Lizzy, sorry to bother you again, but we have to get in.

-We don't deal. -Or do drugs.

-We don't drink. -So what are you doing here?

It's okay.

-You're a star. -I started out that way too.

Those drinks are included, right?

Excluding champagne, 1,000 euros a bottle.

Lars, this is...

Heaven.

-Enjoy the bottle of 43. -It's for us.

Welcome to Ibiza.

Thank you.

Get out of here.

We'll come back tomorrow before they open.

-You're a good guy. -But this is not working.

-Hey, can you do a better job? -Yes.

-Here, do it yourself then. -Fine.

Guys, come on.

17 euros?

My goodness.

I can buy a bottled iceberg for that on the North Pole.

I think it's free there.

Sorry?

The 17 euros is for the pill poppers, so they make some money off them.

You're clued up. Fortunately, I'm too old for that.

Forty is the new thirty, right? You can't be older than 37.

That's very sweet, but you guys are so transparent.

-Who is 'you guys'? -Your generation.

-Is that so bad? -No.

You're right, it's fun. I'd be too shy.

Sorry.

-I'm Lars, by the way. -Irma.

And in case you think I'm only 26, I'm 27.

Thank God for that.

Here we go. Belly shots!

Shall we move to the lounge? It's quieter.

Don't worry, Gran. There's a condom machine.

Glad to hear that.

Are you here alone, 27-year-old Lars?

I'm here with two friends, Dylan and Boyd.

They want to form a club duo here.

Like Tiesto, David Guetta, Armin van Buuren.

You have no idea what I'm talking about.

No, you lost me at 'club duo'.

-What brings you here? -It's a very boring story.

I'm here with a suitcase full of books.

No, don't.

I wanted to order something stronger.

I thought you were spiking my drink.

Here you go.

What is this?

Sorry.

It absorbs well.

Oh, thank you.

She loves all this attention.

But she loves you too, right?

How can you know for sure?

You can't.

Even when you're not famous.

That's true, isn't it?

You know, I'd hate to be famous.

I would like to have the X factor,

but only on Saturday nights between 11 and 1.

And the rest of the time, everything would be normal.

Your life is never normal, is it?

But you must like it that way,

or you wouldn't come to Ibiza on holiday.

You would have gone to a desert island.

Elza didn't want to.

You've got to give a little, right?

I was hoping you'd still be here.

A pill?

Sip.

-This is so bad. -No, it's good.

Oh dear.

Show me how you're going to propose? Come on.

Come on.

I go down on one knee, Armin starts the music.

I look at her and I reach out to her.

And I say...

You reach out to Elza? Or to her?

Okay, imagine...

...you get to marry your girlfriend. You can nowadays, right?

I'm not really gay.

I don't have a girlfriend, either.

Minique told me to say it.

And now I've told you, but I'm not allowed to.

Sorry, what was that?

I'm not a lezzie.

I don't look like a lezzie, do I?

You didn't really think I was, did you?

You did. You thought I was a lesbian.

So I look like a lezzie?

That's what I call a Club Duo.

I hope it's not a habit of yours, punching a guy on the first date.

No, you're the first.

-Nice language, isn't it? -Beautiful.

I broke my heel.

You're kidding.

Imagine...

that I find the man of my dreams one day.

I'd want to be proposed to in a beautiful, quiet, intimate spot.

Is there a place like that here?

On Ibiza?

Yeah.

I'm exhausted.

Wait a minute.

-Let's take a break. -Not so easy, is it?

Sir, what are you doing?

What is this? 50 cents.

-Let's get an ice cream. -Sure.

-Now I really need to pee. -I understand.

The bathroom is there.

What are you doing here?

I've been here the whole time.

I don't get it. So who is with the kids?

Lex took them, part of his grandad makeover.

It's great, isn't it? What could go wrong?

What could go wrong?

Fuck.

Fuck.

Fuck.

Boys, are you still awake?

Wow.

-Beautiful, isn't it? -It's amazing.

Maybe it's too quiet for Elza, though.

Yes, probably.

Nostradamus said that if the world comes to an end...

Ibiza will be the last place where you can survive.

Nice thing to say, this...

Nostaratus?

But if it's true...

I want to come to this spot.

You can't, it's my spot now.

No, I'm the one who showed you.

No, you brought me here, so now it's mine.

Are you trying to steal my spot?

Share?

All right.

THANK YOU, MADAM.

Madam.

1,800 euros? Fucking Belgians.

Tip? Here's your tip.

Get out of here.

Pim, stop it.

His car isn't here.

Jesper?

Pim...

they're gone.

The beach is over there.

What does it look like?

Jacky.

Jacky again.

-Flat tyre? -No, I'm enjoying the sunrise.

I'd love to join you but my grandsons have taken off with a quad.

Go find your grandsons, and say hi to that way-too-young wife of yours.

I don't have a younger woman.

Come on, I saw you yesterday.

That was my daughter.

Dad, where are the kids?

The boys have taken the quad for a ride.

The quad? Lex, are you mad?

It's just a ride. There they come. Hey boys!

They're having so much fun. Honey, I have to hang up.

I want you to come here now.

I'll see you at home, honey. Bye.

-Is he with them? -He's lying.

Fuck! Fuck!!!

What's wrong?

Be glad you never married me.

As a husband, I didn't score higher than second in Japan either.

I've got to find the boys. Where do you need to be?

It's my nephews.

Hold on tight.

Sem, Jesper!

Stop.

-No, we want to go to the beach. -Accelerate.

Fuck.

If you stop, I'll kick a ball with you.

That's Kevin Hoogland.

-But you need to stop first. -Promise?

-Yes, I promise. -Okay, we'll stop.

You won't need this anymore.

Get in.

Dad, we played football with Kevin Hoogland.

-Sweethearts. -On the beach.

Was Lionel Messi there too?

We were at the beach. He was much taller than I thought.

Really? That sounds good. Okay boys, off to bed.

They're the greatest kids in the world.

I fell asleep.

I noticed, Snowhite.

I was about to kiss you awake before you turned into a surfboard.

I got this for you.

Do you know what I like about you?

No.

I expected something different when I saw you.

What weren't you expecting?

Romance.

I mean...

A man who gets a dress for you, in a hotel with cockroaches.

And a filthy bathtub.

It's something a woman can...

really long for sometimes.

Do you mind if we go to my apartment?

Good idea.

What do you think?

Grotesque.

You're right. I'm one big cliché.

But I did come second in Japan.

Oh right, My Heart Goes Boom. What a shitty song that was.

I agree.

The Japanese are deaf.

What about you?

Married. No kids.

When he buggered off I just thought: What have I been doing?

You still look as good as you did back then.

Jesus, we were good in the sack. We were like rabbits.

We had fantastic sex.

Tell me honestly.

Did it mean anything to you?

Honestly? No.

In those days I just cared about my dick.

It kept me pretty busy.

At least you're honest.

Later on I realised how special you were.

But it was too late.

-How was it? -Great.

I just lost everyone.

I took a cab. On you.

That's my youngest. Bibi.

-How old is Bibi? -21.

Yeah, 21.

I want to go home.

-What? -I want to go home.

Thanks.

Will I see you again?

I'm celebrating my birthday tonight at Club Privilege.

I'd really like you to come.

Maybe.

Hey.

Hey, it's me.

Yeah?

I really liked the view.

It's lovely, isn't it?

I like you.

Oh?

Okay.

This is where you say you liked me too.

Like.

-Or not. -A lot, I mean.

Sorry, I'm...

I'm not very good with celebrities.

I never have been.

On my dad's birthday, we'd have lots of famous people over.

He'd get me out of bed and make me sing a song.

And I couldn't sing at all.

You're doing it again.

What?

It takes you a while to get going.

-Sorry. -Keep going.

Can you see me as 'just Kevin'?

Yeah?

You know, I...

I didn't really know who you were.

It's not about you being a celebrity.

It's...

You have a girlfriend and you're getting married.

And I'm not one of those girls.

It was fun, Kevin.

-Bye. -Lizzy, wait.

Who was that, so early?

I think I'm falling in love.

With a footballer.

Oh well, I suppose it's very 'Ibiza'.

Yes.

Yes.

Black?

But all...

Penguins.

Zara?

Oh, Bibi, it's you.

Holy shit.

We can't do this anymore.

Hey, hello.

Sorry, we can't do this anymore.

Last night I realised how much I love Zara.

Bastard.

Could you take the kids when they wake up?

Sure.

Hello.

I'm a green sea hulk.

I'm trying to catch my mermaid.

You don't give a damn, you just want to sleep.

I'll just get dressed and go.

I've got another one: The revenge of Neptune...

I see Doctor Zhivago's surgery is closed.

You old hypocrite.

-How old is he? -Much older than you think.

And much more mature.

I know, it's not possible.

Of course it is. As long as you dim the lights.

You slut.

All the lesbian had to do was arrange a boat.

She can't even do that.

Where is she, anyway?

Asleep? Honey, it's just a mistake.

Kevvy, I want a speedboat. I want to take photos on it...

so I can post them on Twitter.

There are thousands of people who want to know what I'm up to every day.

You hardly do anything.

You do nothing all day.

-Kev? -Ladies, ladies.

All you do is nibble those sticks. A stick with a stick.

Lizzy here.

Good morning.

You could do something else. And post those photos on Twitter.

Like go to the beach and read a book.

Read a book? Who would believe that?

You're right.

I only read stuff they write about me.

That's the great thing about my life.

I don't have to lie on Twitter. My life is real.

And everyone is jealous. Don't you get it?

Yes, Elza, I get it.

-We're getting a new boat. -How big?

It's an ice sculpture of Kevin and Elza.

A cold creation. Very fitting.

Senoritas!

The black pigs.

The penguins.

I want my penguins!

You'd better not make any more mistakes.

Lesby.

Good job, El. So unprofessional.

Sorry, I...

Can I hang out with you today?

But you can spend the day on a two million-euro speedboat.

ARMIN VAN BURREN'S SUMMER HOUSE FINISHED

Hey, come on.

Buy one yourself.

He's at home.

We've got a... Wait: Yo, Armin.

-We've got a CD for you. -We're DJs.

Come on, they won't come here.

-What's that? -It's a phone.

Could you check if it's a Prepaid? It's cheaper.

80,000? That must be in pesetas.

No, it's euros.

Wow.

Put it on.

I want to know what it looks like.

I'm...

going to make some calls. Penguins and so on.

Are you okay?

I'm fine.

-Do you want to go to the beach now? -No.

-Do you want to go home? -No.

-What do you want? -To beat the crap out of you.

Actually...

I thought you were happy with me again.

Obviously you're only happy with my sister.

Half-sister.

Zara, please.

We're bored.

Go and get an ice cream.

50 euros!

Very clever, bringing it up at the market.

As if you're so clever.

When we arrived yesterday our marriage sucked.

So you thought you'd try a rejuvenation treatment.

-Yeah. No... -Yeah.

I know I was in the wrong, but I feel so much better.

Because I realise how much I love you.

Hey, hold on.

Pim, I've got to find my collection.

When I get back to Lex's place, I want you gone.

And take Jesper and Sem with you.

Dad, where are we going?

I don't know, boys. We have to find something else.

-Maybe a campsite. -Not a campsite.

Would you shut up just for once?

I've been looking after you as if you were in the Intensive Care.

Just accept what I have to say for once.

Here? So-so. A bit boring.

I've been reading on the beach.

How did your tests go? Oh, that's great.

Okay love, I'm going to hang up. Bye.

It's still raining in Holland.

-Are you serious about this Lars? -Of course not.

-Why not? -Because...

Because you're scared.

-Jacky, you know how old I am. -I've lost count.

I just think people should act their age.

It's very fashionable to be a Milf.

-What? -Milf?

Mother I'd Like to Fuck.

-What are you going to do? -Sometimes you need to say goodbye.

To being young, for instance.

Can I have him then?

For the most beautiful woman on the island.

Lars, don't be ridiculous. I could be your mother.

I really enjoyed last night.

Maybe a bit too much.

You know, I'm just not used to this anymore.

If I get used to it again, and it goes away...

then I'll miss it again.

And I'll have to pick up the pieces again.

I don't know if I can, or want to.

Know what I mean?

Of course not. You're...

I'm old enough.

I wasn't born yesterday, anyway.

Here, take this.

I didn't pick them for nothing.

There I go again.

No egg liqueur anywhere.

Back home you can get it everywhere.

One egg liqueur for the lady, coming up.

Are you making it yourself? That's kind of you.

She's been craving one since she got here.

It's my job to make your dreams come true.

-Don't. -One plate of tapas.

I'll do that. My dad used to have a snack bar.

-Did he sell it? -Yes.

And he regretted it for the rest of his life.

He died when I was 14.

-He never saw you play? -Yes, up to the age of 12.

He was my biggest fan.

Then he fell ill.

What about your dad?

He lives here, with my half-sister.

And 12 very old gold records.

Come on, Lizzy. One kiss.

Just one.

We've ordered a thousand bottles of champagne,

and what if someone sees?

We can't, Kevin.

No.

Give me your plate.

We apologize for the mistake.

Thank you.

What is it, Dad?

Nothing.

Are you Boyd and Dylan?

That's Armin van Buuren.

Is this your CD?

I wouldn't mind hearing it in a big hall.

My Twitter.

Armin, that was so...

What did you think?

Mr Van Buuren?

I think we'll have a great show, with you as my supporting act.

-Here? -Tonight.

I don't believe this.

So you've still got it?

It's just a very relaxed island. You don't feel your age.

No, but the girls in those photos look younger than your eldest daughter.

And you take them home...

so they can admire your gold record collection?

And they're all impressed?

So immature.

Jacky?

I'm looking for Jacky.

Hey, I know you.

Jacky was right.

You look like a figure from Madame Tussaud's.

She's on the beach.

Watch out that you don't melt.

Any plans for today?

No, I don't have any plans.

Come with me.

I need to stand over there.

I think I'll lie down for a bit.

That egg liqueur went straight to my head.

Maybe I shouldn't have made a whole litre.

You're probably hungry now.

That makes you hungry.

I'm so glad I bumped into you.

Who would have guessed, after all this time.

That's what you get when you don't call back.

Time just flew by back then and I was like a comet.

Yes, we know.

You were the Sun King and I was just one of your groupies.

That's not true.

I can see you don't believe me, but it really isn't true.

Otherwise I wouldn't have picked you up.

What do you think?

Any chance we can start afresh after 21 years?

-Is that what you want? -Why not?

We could even make a baby.

Jesus, Lex. You're still a child yourself.

Of nearly sixty.

In 1992, 9 March, 3 am.

You, in a bed full of back-up singers.

And I was pregnant with your child.

Don't worry, I didn't come here for child support.

I had an abortion.

Otherwise it could have got drunk with your youngest.

I can make it up to you now.

How was it?

She's great.

-So you're taking her to bed tonight? -No.

This one is not so easy.

-I'm the big bad wolf. -I can see that.

Why do you have such big ears?

All the better for hearing you.

And why is your mouth so big?

All the better for kissing you.

Why do you have such a big bell?

I get that all the time.

Would you mind getting that? I really don't feel like it.

-Who could it be? -No idea. I don't care.

-Jacky? -She has a key.

I'll go.

It suits you.

Mum?

-You have to go. -Why?

-Because I said so. -How? I can't fly away.

Go via the balcony.

-Are you mad? I'm not an acrobat. -Just pretend you are.

Surprise.

-Were you in bed? -Yes, just taking a nap.

What are you doing here?

The weather in Holland was so bad.

-Great apartment. -I know. It has a lovely view.

-I'll put my stuff in the bedroom. -No, let me tidy it up first.

Are you still here? Go.

I have a surprise for you.

It's way too high.

-Did someone just fall off the balcony? -Of course not.

Yuck. What's that?

This belongs to a boy.

No, it belongs to a man.

-Have you met a nice man? -Well, a young man.

You've got a toy boy?

No, don't be silly.

Just a nice young man.

It was a one night stand. That's what it's called, right?

Drink?

Mum, you're not back on the sherry are you?

No, do you know what that stuff costs here?

It's 17 euros for a glass of water.

Oh, hello.

Hey, Maartje.

Hi, I'm Irma.

-What did he say? -I don't care.

I wasn't planning on having a conversation with him.

Welcome to Ibiza.

Stupid boat. I feel sick and I hated it.

Terrible.

I think about you all the time.

Me too.

The moment I saw you.

You were already thinking about me?

The gate is broken.

Kevin!!!

Kevin, where were you?

We were discussing your birthday.

Is that lezzy going to do anything? My birthday is tomorrow.

It'll be one you'll never forget.

My hunky striker.

You're on the cover.

"Marriage plans."

-Who blabbed to the press? -Dude...

-You're in my fucking house. -I haven't done anything.

Honey, look at this great photo.

Can't you call your mothers? They always take care...

This time you'll have to solve it. Come on, Dad.

Okay.

-What's up? -Shit going on between you and Zara.

Who never has shit going on?

-Dad. -Nobody, right?

I slept with Pim.

Zara's Pim?

Sweetie...

You can do better than that?

I just felt like it.

You get that from me.

And I got it from Jimi Hendrix.

What?

That's what pop stars did back then.

That's what David Bowie did, the guys from Duran Duran and Wham!

Well, they did it differently.

-What did you do? -We thought life was free.

The women, the drugs, the booze, the lot. You know?

If you wanted to sleep with your brother's girlfriend, you did.

So what?

Zara needs to chill out.

A quickie with your brother-in-law, what's the big deal?

It's not the Middle Ages.

I'll take care of this shit for you.

-Sit down. -Shut up.

You titless slut.

Girls, let's talk about this.

You scrawny bitch.

It was just sex.

There's no need for this.

For once, listen to this wise old Indian.

Shut up, you poor excuse for a dad.

-Darlings. -How do you feel?

Like I feel after smoking a joint these days.

You don't feel sick?

I was almost a real dad there for a moment.

-Is he dead? -Of course not, stupid. He's asleep.

Then this might be a good time to talk.

I'm not really a talker.

Then you'll become one as of now.

Sorry.

I'm really sorry.

It was my fault.

I started it.

Did he at least make an effort?

Actually it was over before I'd taken off my bikini.

Typical.

If Vogue shoots tomorrow I'll still be on time. How did you get them?

I just called and they delivered it.

I'll come and pick them up now.

Great. Maybe we can talk as well.

Why do you always plan our crises at the key moments of my career?

Maybe because you become impossible to live with.

Sorry.

I'm Lars. A friend of your mother's.

No, you're not. Come on, Maartje, let's go.

This is not going to work.

Are you coming or what?

Am I pretty enough for my birthday?

And to be engaged?

Well?

El, you're gorgeous.

Beautiful.

This looks amazing on you.

A footballer?

Is that wise?

Those guys are so shallow. Like a football, just full of air.

Sweetie, I really think you've been taken for a ride.

That's what they're like. They just want a bit of fun before they tie the knot.

It's the first time.

For what?

-That you're in love. -Really?

-What about all the others? -That was different.

I didn't know this existed.

Whoa!

Shit.

-Where are you going? -Out, like you guys.

You just fell into the pool.

And I've also just turned 55, so let's celebrate.

Stop that.

Wear this suit.

I'm sure your ass will look great in it.

I'm still your father.

Yes, but one with a great ass.

-Mum. -Hey, honey.

Dad is acting weird and he's been on the phone for hours.

Come, what's the matter?

He's with all these girls with long legs.

I think he's giving away bikinis.

Has he gone mad?

Honey, just go to sleep, okay?

-Where's Jacky? -No idea.

Everything is taken care of. The dancers are ready.

DJ Armin will lead the music up to your appearance.

When you come on stage, you and Elza will be projected on big screens.

And then you can give her her birthday present.

Have a nice evening, Kevin.

Wait, Lizzy.

-What about us? -There's no 'us'.

We had sex. Sex doesn't mean very much on this island.

-I want to keep seeing you. -Do you know what I want?

I want a guy like you, but all for me.

Someone I can introduce to my family.

For you.

What's this?

-A phone. -I've already got a new phone.

This one is for your birthday.

What about the proposal?

In a moment.

After the dancers.

-What about the penguins? -They couldn't make it.

-Did they have another party? -No, they're scared of fireworks.

I had to choose between penguins and fireworks. I chose fireworks.

Go on.

Everyone is looking.

I don't want this.

I'm sorry.

Crazy!

Pim.

Zar.

What's going on? Where are my bikinis?

Calm down.

What do you mean, calm down?

Hon, your bikinis are fan-freaking-tastic.

I want to use them for the cover of my fashion magazine.

I'm going to make you famous.

I wanted to make it up to you.

What are we going to do?

I really just want to go on.

Even if I have to travel the world with a box of bikinis?

If I'm in Milan 100 times a year, or China.

And it makes me impossible to live with?

Yes, even then.

But do you want that too?

With me?

Sorry, the turquoise one goes better with the purple one.

I hope you know what you're losing.

Jacky, please.

Go back, Kevin.

I'm not letting you go anymore.

I'm just the organiser, go back.

I'm not going back.

You belong there. It's your life.

So where do you belong?

Not in your villa, and not in your life.

Come here, Lizzy.

What?

I'm standing here with my heart in my hands.

And I'm giving it to you.

Please don't drop it.

I admit it...

I love you.

I hope those aren't the lyrics of your new single.

I mean it.

You know, I don't know what will happen, Grandad.

But if you want, maybe we should give it a shot.

On one condition.

-Never call me grandad again. -All right.

Grandad.

I don't belong in that villa either.

Or in that life.

With me you'll still have to take out the trash.

Even if you've scored three times in one match.

I wouldn't want it any other way.

Elza.

This one is for my bedside table.

Despite their manager's skills...

-the two young DJs... -Arrived in the Promised Land.

Dad?

Mum is here.

Hi, sweethearts.

Hey, boys.

-They're naked. -Naked and hungry.

Hungry like a lion.

-Happy birthday. -You've finally brought him over.

I've always wanted to try that.

-Really? -Yes.

This is for you.

Strong stuff.

Darling, I'm so happy I have you after that awful time with that...

footballer.

Thank you.

It's different with us. We really love each other.

Shall we get married?

Say it.

Hello?

Hey!