Original subtitles

um

Hmm.

Bye.

Marcy, you are not going to warm up Chili's icebox that way.

Believe me, I've tried.

Sorry, Matron Tokar.

And you, Chili, you are skating on thin ice, young lady.

Back to your cell.

Time for the lights out.

And Marcy, you will find that total cooperation will make your stay here

more productive and much more pleasant.

Do we understand each other? We totally understand each other.

Good.

Then why don't you show me what you've learned today?

Well, boys, can I get you anything else?

You're pretty hot.

She's a quick learner, too, for her first week.

Okay, no problem.

Got an ass to make a priest kick out a stained glass window.

Two vodka tonics and a side of Jack, please.

You're doing fine, Jessie, real fine.

Oh, thank you, Mr. Arst.

It's Arst.

Arst. Sorry, Mr. Arst.

It's perfectly all right.

It happens all the time.

No, I should really know the name of my boss.

Well, don't think of me as your boss, then.

I'm kind of like your benefactor, your new best friend, don't you think?

Sure thing, Mr. Aft.

Why don't you just call me Ed?

Okay, Mr.

Ed.

How about you and me later on?

I'm sorry, but I have a boyfriend.

Well, who cares?

It's just a little blowjob in the back room. I mean, you've done that plenty of

times. Plenty of guys, huh?

I would rather choke on my own vomit. I can definitely make you choke, baby.

Back off, Mr. Creep!

Keep your eye on this place, will you?

Sure thing, Mr.

Ed.

It's not nice to call Mr. Arse the creep.

I'm sorry, okay?

You're sorry?

It's all you can say. You insult me in front of my staff. It's all you can say

is that you're sorry?

Oh, look, Mr.

Arse. Ed, I really, really need this job, okay? So I'm not trying to start

trouble. Then you know how you can make it all better, don't you, baby, huh?

Everybody freeze. Nobody move.

You, give me the money.

Oh, my God.

It's the Living Dead Bandit.

What was that?

The Living Dead Bandit. No, say the whole thing.

Oh, my God.

It's the Living Dead Bandit.

I love when they say that.

You.

Relax, kid.

Give me the money.

Jig -dig me.

I love you.

Okay, okay.

You want me to thumb this around?

Yeah. You do, don't you?

Yeah, I'll give you thumb right here!

and you won't get hurt.

Hold it!

What

the

hell is going on out here?

It's a living dead bandit, boss.

Except you. You move.

Hold

this.

Jeez. Slow night, huh, kid?

Yeah.

Here.

Thanks.

Give me that.

Put it down.

Damn it.

Miss, you okay?

I was at the donut shop. I heard a commotion.

Put your hands down, Junior.

Give me a Rob Roy.

Now! Okay.

All right, look, miss, are you okay?

Yeah, I think I... Oh, you dab straight she's okay. I saw this whole thing. This

is a setup.

She's his accomplice, and they're in this together.

Are you crazy?

She lured me into the bathroom so her pal could rip this joint off. She has

casing this place all week for him.

Miss, is this true?

He's a liar.

He wanted me to suck his dick, but I couldn't find it.

If I'm lying, may lightning strike me dead.

Look, all right, you're going to have to come down to the station with me. Just

come on. But I'm telling you, I've been trained.

Just move the donuts aside.

And get me at the go -kart now.

Coming right up.

See you in jail, Dyke.

On behalf of the people of California, we the jury find the defendant, Jessie

Owens, guilty of the crime of armed robbery and sentence her to five years

hard labor in the State Women's Correctional Institute.

Leo! Tell me something, Leo. Are you happy with your work here at Wellworth

Prison?

No complaints, warden.

Other than these new teabag thong underwears you have me wearing.

Leo, you know these are government inspected teabag thongs. We're required

wear them by law.

If I can do it, so can you.

Yes, sir.

I show her in, will you?

Yes, sir.

It's ready for you now, Miss Owens.

Ah, Miss Owens. Well, I see your paperwork is all complete and you're

commence serving your sentence.

I was framed.

I didn't do anything.

Well, that's perfect. Because here at Walworth Prison, all the inmates are

serving time because they were framed. Just ask them.

Great. Well, now, let's not be a gloomy Gus or a bluesy Bessie, Jessie.

Look,

here we teach the positive reinforcement of social values, yes, and good, clean,

hard work. Why, after you've been here a while, I'm sure that you'll agree that

you would have seen and done quite a bit.

Well, it's not fair.

I didn't get a phone call or a public defender to represent me. I was

railroaded. Oh.

Well, now, let's not blame others for our situation, shall we?

After all, you're responsible for your own situation, aren't you?

Look, I'm here to help you, not hurt you.

At least I think so.

Is that what I'm here, Leo, for?

Yes. Yes, sir. Yes, to help you, not to hurt you, yes. And to that end, I have a

very special visitor for you.

I hope it's an O .J. lawyer.

No.

Excuse me.

Send in the visitor, please.

Thank you.

Oh, Tommy, I knew you'd come.

Oh, this is the part that always gets to me.

I never want to let you go.

I'll wait for you every day.

And I'll do everything in my power to make sure that the governor gives you

another trial.

Oh, a new trial?

Yeah, a new trial with lawyers and witnesses and everything.

Oh, gosh, Tommy, that would be great.

Oh, wait.

Did they ever catch that living dead bandit? I mean, he could tell them that

innocent.

Well, no, he's a master criminal. I doubt that they'll ever catch him.

Oh. You know, it's just so obvious that you two kids love each other head over

heels in love.

I want to help, you know.

I think what I'm going to do is give you two a little time to be alone for a

moment to say a nice... Bonne farewell.

That is before we lead Jesse off and strip her down and do a complete cavity

search and generally humiliate her.

You'd think that's wise, sir.

Oh, come on, come on, Leo.

They'll be fine. They're not going to go anywhere.

See you, kids.

Thank you, Warden.

We've been given a very precious gift here.

I know.

Let's not wait.

Welcome to your new home, Owens.

Get used to it.

Good behavior here is rewarded with fringe benefits.

I can be very understanding if you need a soft buy to cry on.

Yeah, well, I'll try to remember that. You do that!

In the meantime, meet your new roomie, Taffy Manson.

Step out of line just one time.

This

sucks.

Oh, yeah?

Well, you should have my life.

Well, I'm sorry if I sound like I'm complaining.

Yeah, well, things can go real easy around here. Or they can be real tough.

Yes, I heard.

Yeah. Uh -huh. One time, Matron Togar bit me over this bunk and did me doggy

style with the nightstick.

Oh, dear.

Mm -hmm.

Oh, dear's right.

And the next day, she pretended like she didn't even know me.

That's awful.

Yeah.

Loves a bitch.

So you're Lesbo?

Nah. But I know what side my bed's buttered on, if you know what I mean.

What are you in for?

Killing my boyfriend with a sledgehammer.

Whoa, that's rough.

Yeah. That fucking thing weighed a ton.

How about you?

Me? No, no. I weigh about 125, except when it's that time of the month and I

float up a little bit, you know?

No. I mean, what are you in here for? Oh, right.

Armed robbery.

They said I hooked up with the living dead bandit.

They're wrong. I was framed.

Me too. I was framed.

Want to have sex?

Got a nightstick?

Only on Thursdays.

I rotate it.

Only... Oh.

Say, um, any news about the Owens girl?

Don't look at me.

I haven't touched her.

I never said you did.

I just am curious about her insistence on...

Being framed.

Same sad story with these girls.

Yes, I suppose you're right. But still, I can't help but wonder that maybe, just

maybe, one of these soiled little doves really is telling the truth.

Those savage bitches of the distance who rip your balls off and feed them to

you.

Matron. Toe guard.

I'm sorry.

Spoon feed them to you.

Well. That's better, yes.

You know, maybe she needs a little fresh air and exercise.

Yes, yes.

Put her on the chain gang for a while, all right? Then we'll see what her true

colors are.

But working on the chain gang is a privilege.

Something you have to work up to.

We can't just put her on the line ahead of the other girls you've already put

out. I mean, been promised a position.

Just do it, will you?

That other girl, you can just put her in a new position.

I'll do that.

But that isn't going to win that Owens girl any popularity contests around

I am not here to win contests. Only to rehabilitate.

That will be all. Thank you.

Well.

Let's see who the warden is around here.

Could I please have some more coffee?

Quiet!

You want to wake everybody up.

Word has it Sleeping Beauty's going on the chain gang tomorrow.

What, Jenny?

Yeah.

That's supposed to be my spot.

Well, it still could be, if you want to get back on that list.

Well, I'd do anything to get back on that list.

So I want to know, do you have enough pull to make this happen?

Ladies, I got plenty of pull. If you got enough pull for me.

Oh, well, they don't call me Taffy because I'm sweet.

Mmm.

Ugh.

um

I have another job for you.

Who do you want me to kill this time?

That one.

Her? She just got here.

It won't be long before the police start getting suspicious and order a retrial.

I cannot allow that to happen.

Why are you so worried?

I have my reasons.

Are you in?

Or are you out?

Of course I'm in.

She's going out in the chain gang tomorrow.

It would be a pity if she got shot in the back while trying to escape.

that we think alike.

Yes, we do.

All right, ladies, get your asses out and line up nice and straight right

Who taught you how to drive?

Hey, keep your mouth shut.

Inmates, working on a chain gang is a privilege most convicts are not

So take this golden opportunity and enjoy it.

Today, you'll be breaking rocks.

With heavy tools, for no apparent reason.

You will be doing this all day long.

You may sing rock -breaking songs if you'd like, but no hip -hop.

Marcy, Chili, team number one.

Taffy, Jessie, team two.

Leo?

Thanks to the generosity of Toys for Tarts, we've been given an excellent

assortment of recycled bikinis for your pleasure while working in the hot sun.

Please pick your bikini.

Good choice, Taffy. I wore that one myself last week.

It's comfortable.

What are you laughing at?

That's the thinky one.

Ooh, I like that one.

Please make sure to return it.

Trip, maggot!

So, why do they call her Chili?

Because she can freeze a bottle of beer in her cooter?

Ugh!

Who says that?

I'd rather not talk about it right now, if you don't mind.

Pipe down, jailbirds.

It's going to be a very, very long day for a few of you.

All right, bikini chain gang. Get to work. Those rocks ain't going to break

themselves.

Your job stinks.

What's the benefit of this anyways?

Well, at least we're not in the cell playing shove the bottle.

I guess you're right, and there's always a chance to escape.

Yeah, a slim one.

But hey, maybe we could distract them, and then we could kill them.

You mean overcome them?

Well, there's four of us and two of them.

Maybe we could get Leo by himself, and then wham! We could kill him!

No, we could knock him out.

Oh. Alright, well...

Let's walk our way over to the taffy and the new girl. We'll leave.

Leo,

I'd like to see you in the back of the van.

There's something I want to show you.

But the prisoners... They're not going anywhere.

Are you, girls?

But... I mean, there's nowhere to go.

Absolutely nowhere.

Except maybe that old farm down the road.

About three miles from here.

That way.

With a pickup truck.

Full of gas.

Teeth in the ignition?

Nope. Nowhere to go.

Nowhere.

But... But... No buts, mister! I gave you an order.

What was that all about?

The little hide -the -flashlight action.

She does it all the time.

Yeah, but usually it's one of us that has to go.

Don't run.

The prisoners, they're gonna run.

Don't play.

I've never stopped you before.

I thought we'd make a run for it.

Like this?

Yeah. We could find some tourists and kill them and take their clothes.

Marcy, that's enough with the killing stuff. It's getting a little old real

fast.

Well, girl, you're chained to me, and I'm going to run, so what's it going to

be?

Well, if you put it like that, I'm in.

Good choice. Let's go.

Thank you.

oh oh

Ahem. Warden Kendrick here.

Oh, Governor!

How lovely to hear your voice. How are you, sir?

Oh, well, thank you. They're fine now. Yes, yes.

Yes, no.

No need to sit on that tufted little pillow anymore.

Well, like you say, accidents can happen, can't they?

I don't think we should really fault the dog, do you?

No, I mean, to a puppy pit bull, I think one ball looks about the same as

another, doesn't it?

Yes, yes.

What can I do for you, Governor?

A new trial for Jesse Owens?

Governor, that's great news!

You know, I always had a premonition about that girl, yes.

Well, yes, I'll be sure and tell her right away.

Thank you so much, Governor. Thank you, and you have a good day, too. Yes,

goodbye.

A new trial for Chessie Owens.

Ow.

I wonder what will happen next.

Togar, look.

I told you to keep your eye on them.

What, me?

Shut up!

I just know that Owen's girl is behind this.

I have a terrible feeling she's about to get shot in the back while trying to

escape. But they're unarmed.

Nitpicker, get your gun out!

Give it to me.

What is it?

Matron Togar.

Oh. Hello, Warden. The governor just called. He's giving Owens a new trial. I

want you to clean her up and get her over to County ASA.

Well, isn't that just ducky?

Why, is there a problem?

Well, yeah.

She just led the other girls in an escape.

We're about to start tracking them now.

What? Well, get her back here, right away.

I will, but I gotta tell you, sir, I don't think she wants to be taken alive.

This is a desperate, dangerous gang we're after.

All right, all right. I'm coming over there. I'm coming over there. Don't do

anything. Hey, if you corner her, maybe I can at least get her to give herself

up.

Great. Take your time.

Yeah.

Once Jessie Owen starts running, there's no catching her.

We gotta find this bitch and settle her hash.

Let's go.

Great.

Yes, Tommy, Warden Kendrick here.

Well, listen, I've got some good news and bad news.

Yes, can you come over to my office immediately?

Yes, the good news is Jesse's getting a new trial.

The bad news is she's in a little bit of trouble.

Sure thing, Warden. Right away.

Check it out. Looks like it's broken down, huh?

I used to hotwire mustangs on the outside. I'll get that thing started.

I bet you we can distract him.

I bet we both can.

Oh, yeah, right.

Come on. Come on.

Afternoon, ladies.

Hey, handsome.

Having trouble?

Yeah, I can't get this thing to turn over. I've been working on it for, what,

almost an hour now?

Well, my girl Taffy here, she works on cars. Maybe you can let her check it

Yeah, be my guest.

Cool. Good.

Do you think maybe we could rest in the back? We're a little wore out.

Yeah, let me get the hatch for you.

So, what's up with the get -up?

Um, well, we were at this picnic and there was a three -legged race.

And, well, we got separated.

And now we're lost.

And horny.

Lost and horny?

Yeah, you know.

Don't you?

We should have this puppy fixed in no time.

Yeah? Then what?

Then we'll dump that stiff and we'll blow this joint.

I just love that prison talk.

oh oh oh

Thank you.

Oh, man.

That should do it.

Let's get this puppy darted.

Okay, you drive.

You drive.

Get in, get in.

What's wrong? It's not working!

Start again!

I also am out of gas.

Togar! I think they went that way. The tracks lead this way. Come on.

I think we should split up.

It's going to make it harder for them to find us.

Okay, good luck, girls.

Yeah, same to you.

See you in hell, compadre.

Yes. This could be the place.

That's where they're supposed to be.

Well, you know, there's an abandoned farmhouse right down the road that could

there.

Well, what are we waiting for?

Jeff's going to be in trouble.

We're thinking alike.

Come on.

Looks like they've been here.

I think they split up. Look.

Those bitches.

Trying to throw us off the scent.

You go that way. I'll follow these footprints.

And remember, shoot first, no questions.

Well, I'll try to find them.

Question is, question is, question is... All right, easy, easy, easy, easy,

easy. Which way? Which way?

What? That way.

Good.

Oh!

Oh!

Ow!

Think they'll find us in here?

I don't know, but I think we should stay here till the sun sets and then move on

out in the dark.

Well, we're a long way from civilization.

Suppose we never get clear.

Yeah, but all I need is a cell phone and I can arrange a ride out of here for

us. That's great.

Yeah.

Let's get these chains off, though.

Yeah, but how are you going to do that?

Well, I remember Houdini.

He used to just knock a big rock on the locks and they'd... Pop open?

Well, that was a long time ago.

Look.

There's rocks. Here's some rocks.

Just wait for us.

Wait, wait, wait. Okay.

What if other comets had used these? I don't know.

One, two, three.

All right.

I'll get me first. Okay. I'll get you.

Hit it a little bit harder.

Okay,

your turn.

Put it over here.

Oh, no, down a bit more. Yeah, right there, right there.

Oh, beautiful!

You were saying?

You're awesome.

That's what all the girls tell me.

Boy, does it feel good to have that off.

Sure does.

Now, Miss Goody Two -Shoes, what's your story?

You don't look like the gun -taught mall they make you out to be.

Donut, it is a long story.

Last time I looked, I had plenty of time.

Well, it started like this.

Yeah, the tracks definitely lead right here.

Yes, yes, yes. I would definitely say that they've been right here.

Yeah, they split up.

They went this way.

They went this way. Yes, two roads.

Two roads diverged, and I but a single wooded path must tread, and it has made

better man of me.

I'm going to go this way.

Yes, and you go that way.

Finally, I graduated the third grade.

Not with honors, mind you. But after four years, I decided I wasn't going to

a prima donna anymore.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But what got you thrown in the slammer?

Oh, right.

Well, my mom is in an iron lung.

It's a used iron lung, but actually, it's a one lung iron

lung. But something's better than nothing, you know?

And Dad, well, he decided to run off with the disposable deuce saleslady.

Man, did he have a drinking problem.

No, he didn't drink douches, but you get the point, you know what I'm saying?

Anyway, one thing led to another, money got really tight, and I

ended up waitressing.

Waitressing?

Oh, that's awful.

Yeah, tell me about it. It seems like no matter where I went, my bosses were

like, blow this and suck that.

Man, I had a lot of ups and downs.

What, and then you got together with the living dead bandit and started a life

of crime.

I mean, they say he's a ghost, a phantom.

They say they're never going to catch him.

What's he like in the sack?

I never got to see...

Under his back?

It all happened real fast, you know?

I don't know.

I'm innocent, though.

I'm not kidding about that. I didn't do anything.

Yeah, well, don't worry. When we get out of here, I got some people that can

really help you out.

Really? You got connections?

Nah, I just said that to shut you up.

Hands up, lady!

Thank God.

What took you so long?

Hi, Leo.

Hi, Jessie.

Guess this is the end of the line for us.

I'm afraid so.

But I do have some good news.

Really? I spoke to the warden, and he said that they were going to give you

new trial.

Good. Well, what about me?

Bread and water and no nightstick for a week.

Inhuman. Let's go. We better find Maitre and Tovar before it gets dark.

It's already dark for you, copper.

You hurt him.

Got it.

Right. Now you hold on to that and keep it on him. Shoot him if you have to.

Make a phone call and get our asses out of here. I'm not too comfortable with

firearms. I don't care. Just do what I say and everything will be fine.

Right. Okay.

Okay.

Oh, my head.

Okay. Don't move and I won't have to ice you.

Okay, okay. Just don't get nervous.

I'm not nervous.

Just don't get nervous. I'm not. I'm fine. Please. Yeah.

Keep you cool. Uh -huh.

I'm sorry she had to hit you like that.

You're kind of cute.

I was thinking the same thing about you.

And now with your new trial and all, I guess you'll be leaving well worth

prison. You'll probably even make bail.

You think?

That's what usually happens.

And I was thinking that maybe when you get out, we could... Could what?

You know.

You already have a boyfriend. What am I talking about?

That's true.

But I do still kind of owe you one for that lump on your head.

You mean... Live for the moment. That's what I always say.

Oh.

Oh my god.

Shit.

Shit.

No, damn it. Look, this is a really important situation. You might want to

this down.

I want sausage on one side and pepperoni on the other. Okay? And I don't want to

mix together.

And I'm allergic to onions.

You got all that?

Okay, good.

Now to call Jerry and get me right out of here.

Oh, Jesus!

Don't do that.

Where's Jess?

It's okay. I'm her boyfriend.

Please, take me to her.

All right, then. Follow me. I'll show you where she is.

Oh, look.

Here comes Taffy.

Oh, hey, Taffy. What's up?

Hey. How's it going?

Oh. Oh, my God.

Living. Dead.

Bandit!

Get over there.

Hands up!

Gets better.

Tommy! Sorry to do this to you, Jessie.

Just as I was getting a new trial.

I'm afraid I couldn't let that happen.

What kind of an evil plan are you cooking here?

Would have been a great plan.

That girl Togar had got it right.

She was supposed to shoot Jesse in the back while they were trying to escape,

but she didn't even get that right.

Now, there's a new plan.

Put that on.

Now what I'm going to do is I'm going to kill every single one of you. Then I'm

going to knock myself out.

And then when they find me and wake me up, I'll be a hero for having killed the

living dead bandit.

Well, what if Togar doesn't go along with your little plan?

Yeah. I got a fatal accident plan for Togar.

To take care of any loose ends.

You think so?

Drop your guns and get over there.

Damn it!

Well, well, well. Isn't this a pretty picture?

Looks like I'm going to be able to take care of all of you.

one shot.

Uh -uh. You're forgetting about Warden Kendrick. That imbecilic windbag.

He's not within a million miles of here.

You think so, huh? Drop the gun and get over there.

Damn it!

Warden!

Thank God you found us. Yes, another moment too late.

Soon.

Soon. Warden, how did you find us? Well, some of this is a Pizza van right out

front. Oh, and he's got half pepperoni, half sausage. My favorite.

Oh, yeah.

I'm starved.

Really?

Hmm. Say, Leo, you think you can keep an eye on these two for me?

Sure.

What do you say?

Have these on the pizza?

Yeah. If you promise not to escape.

Oh, and speaking of escaping...

Say, what happened to the other two shackled sluts?

Excuse me, mister, but don't you know that is politically incorrect?

I never got the memo.

Hang on, let me check the old manual.

Let me see what we say here.

All right, how about... Slag.

Sleaze. Slut. Slick. Slot.

Salt lick.

Count. Snatchula.

Demon sucker.

Scud missile.

The Sperminator.

Scratch and Sniff.

Snatch and a Patch.

Slip, Slide, and Slobber.

Spit, Spurt, and Splash.

Swill and Swallow.

I'll just try the T's. Yeah, T's. T's. Tramp. Trollop.

Twisterama. Tata Twirly.

Tintinabula. Thin Tintin. Two Tits and a Titi.

Let's go back to the beginning here.

Beastie Babe.

Beauty and the Biatch.

Boobalisha. Busty and Lusty. Banana Baster.

Booty Cutie.

Bimbo.

What? Bingo?

Was his name O? No, Bimbo.

Oh, Bimbo.

Oh, good enough to write that down.

I think with a name like Bush, he'd get it right, wouldn't you?

Well, all right. All that's taken care of. Oh, except for the two Bimbos, you

know. Justice still has to be serviced.

I wonder where they are.

Well, all's well that ends well.

You said it.