Original subtitles

As your longtime friend, attorney, drinking buddy, I have to tell you,

got to stop making some payments.

I mean, I saw Ellen today and, you know.

Oh, shit, is Ellen bitching again?

Vince, she has a right to complain. You're way behind.

Whose side are you on anyway?

I'm on both your sides, you know that.

You still there?

Got any suggestions?

Yeah, yeah, I have some suggestions. I suggest you stop making some payments.

Believe me, Jerry, I am making payments.

On that three -bedroom house I bought, Gloria's jewelry, that fucking honeymoon

to Europe that I couldn't even afford.

Vince, look, I sympathize with your problems, but we're talking about Ellen.

She's having a very hard financial time of it, and you've got to start doing

something. I'll see what I can do.

Yeah. Talk to you later.

can concentrate on some serious business.

I hate this nasty cigar. I'm sorry, baby. I'm going to give him up one of

these days.

What can I get for you today?

How about a large iced tea?

Oh, anything else? How about today's special?

Yeah, I'll be fine. Okay.

Do you have to show off like that?

I was just trying to be nice.

Yeah.

But not too nice.

A little snap crunch.

Are you a lawyer? Let me do it. Don't know anything.

Let me do it.

Can you do it?

It's not a snap. It's a... Oh, there we go.

There we go.

You sound funny.

Everything all right?

I'm fine.

I'm just waiting for you to get home.

I'm warming something up for you right now.

Don't tell me you're finally learning how to cook.

No, but I do have something cooking.

Well, honey, I'm afraid you're going to have to put it on the back burner. I've

got to see a client.

Can it wait?

I'm afraid not.

What is it you've got warming up?

Hold on. I'll let you listen to it.

Did you hear it meow?

Gloria, did you buy a cat?

No, silly.

I have a pussy, and it's meowing. It's a little hard out for you.

I swear, baby, if I could, I'd come home right now.

But I can't.

You just keep it warm for a couple hours, and I'll get there.

How about giving it a kiss over the phone?

See you later.

Ooh, that gave me goosebumps all over.

Hurry home, okay, and do it in person.

Bye.

Jerry, that's what he said the last time and the time before that.

I know.

He's not a bad guy, Ellen.

And I know that.

I was married to him for over 15 years, remember?

It's just that I cannot make it financially alone anymore.

Well, what if I lent you some money?

Jerry, you know how I feel about that. But thank you.

No, it's time that husband of mine, that ex -husband of mine, lived up to his

responsibilities. And I think I know just how to do it.

Oh, yeah?

What's on me?

Well, I think I'm going to pack up my troubles and move into a brand new

A house where there are more bedrooms than the current owner can use.

Helen.

You don't mean you're going to go... I certainly do.

Watch me.

Honeymoon cottage, here I come.

You'd think we'd have more worldly possessions after all this time,

you? Good thing we don't own all this furniture, honey. We never fit in with

your father's decor anyway.

Well, I'm sure you want to go through this. I know we've been through it

but... All I know, Mark, is that we've got to do something.

I'm out of a job, and our bank account is bilched. But I can get a job, Mom.

And quit college?

No, honey, I won't hear of it. Just for a semester or two. Yes, and that's what

I said all those years ago. I always promised myself I'd go back to school,

I never did.

And I don't want the same thing to happen to you.

Well, I guess Dad was pretty excited when you told him, huh?

You didn't tell him.

Honey, I was going to, but... Well, you know how your father is.

You should have told him.

Yeah, I guess you're right. I should have told him.

Tell you what, we'll stop on the way and I'll call him then.

Honey, go ahead and order.

I'll go call your father and tell him the good news.

Okay.

Hi. I haven't seen you around here before.

I just moved into the area.

Oh, good. So you came back into the restaurant again.

Couldn't be.

I'm Pam Wilson.

What's your name?

Mark. Mark Brewster.

Brewster.

There's a guy named Brewster who comes in a lot. He drives a red convertible.

That's my dad.

Me and my mom, we're going to move in with him. Great.

Then you will be coming back in again.

I do more than wait on customers.

If you ever need anything, just stop by.

Great. I'd like that.

home, so I guess we'll just have to surprise them.

Hi.

Mom, this is Pam Wilson.

Nice to meet you. Hello, dear. Nice to meet you. What can I get you for?

Two deluxe and two more beer. Okay, come right up.

You couldn't get him on the phone, huh?

Honey, I tried, but nobody was home.

I'm sure you dialed the right number.

Mark, after all these years, I know your father's number.

Aren't you getting a little friendly with that kid over there?

Yeah, give me a break.

She scared the shit out of me.

Gloria, you haven't been taking any of those tranquilizers again, have you?

You know how they affect you.

I want you.

Gloria.

Oh, baby.

Oh, Christ.

Hello? Anybody home?

It's a good sign the door was open.

It must mean your father's expecting us.

Honey, why don't you bring the rest of the things in and I'll scout locations.

extra bedrooms, honey.

Yours is downstairs.

Is Dad here?

He certainly is, but I don't think he wants to be bothered right now. So why

don't you go ahead and unpack, and I guess I'll go in the kitchen and start

fixing supper.

Okay.

Where did this come from?

Oh, oh, oh, Vince, isn't it lovely? I've always dreamed of having a coat like

this. Yeah, it's lovely, Gloria. Oh, I tried to walk past it. I did, in fact,

several times, but it just kept saying to me, buy me, buy me, buy me, Gloria.

Did it also tell you what to use for money? My charge card, of course.

Of course.

I knew you wouldn't mind.

Gloria, there's something we've got to talk about.

Of course, honey, but first let me tell you that you're the most wonderful and

generous husband a girl could ever have. Gloria.

Jerry asked me to marry him.

He's a nice guy, and I know he's your best friend, but he just wouldn't

understand about such luxuries.

Take this fur coat, for instance.

Oh, I'd like to take that fur coat right back to the store.

Oh, Vince, be serious.

You know you want me to look nice, and besides, I say that if you've got it...

flaunt it. But I don't have it. Sure you do, honey.

Maybe not as big as Jerry's, but your little doo -doo is plenty big enough for

me. Gloria, I am not talking about my little doo -doo, God damn it.

I am talking about this mania you have for spending every penny I make.

Sometimes before I make it.

Hi. I didn't mean to interrupt.

Go ahead. Finish your argument.

I just wanted to stop by and say hello.

Goodbye.

What the... Isn't that your ex -wife?

How is Ellen all right?

All right, hell, what is she doing here?

I don't know, but I sure as shit intend to find out.

Mark! Hi, Dad.

Have you seen your mother?

She's in the bedroom.

ever knock?

In my own house.

This may be your house, but this is my bedroom.

Oh, since when?

Since right now.

The hell it is. Get your bags and get out of here, please.

You throw me out on that street, Vince Brewster. I will take you to court so

fast, your head's gonna spin.

The judge will award me this whole house just for that child support payment.

What's going on here?

Uh, it, uh, looks like we've got a border, honey.

Two borders.

My son Mark will be staying downstairs.

Vince, get this creature out of our house. I've already told her.

And I've already told him that we intend to stay.

We'll be one big happy family.

I'll do the cooking, Gloria can do the cleaning.

I don't do cleaning.

We have a woman come in twice a week.

Okay, I'll do the cleaning and Gloria can do the cooking.

I don't cook either.

Well, what do you do, honey?

Ah, maybe you're good at sucking cock.

Or does a woman come in twice a week and do that, too?

Vince, do something!

Good idea.

I'll go help Mark unpack.

Nice coat, sweetie.

Vince!

Gloria,

calm down, will you?

Yeah, I know all about it. Yes, yes.

Yeah, we could get rid of Ellen. We could get Ellen out, yeah.

And then you know what happens.

Then Ellen takes events to court, ends up with a house, and you're out on the

street.

How do I know? I'm Ellen's lawyer. That's how I know.

Honey, listen, listen. I'm everybody's friend in this, okay?

You know, relax, let it go for a couple days, and we'll see what happens. Don't

worry about it.

Jerry, if that bitch stays here, I'm going to make her life miserable.

It's good to see you, Mark.

Good to see you, Dad.

You know, I... Go ahead.

No.

Look, Mark, I know that I haven't been around to see you as much as I'd like.

But the agency, it's getting bigger and getting married and... No, it's okay,

Dad. I understand.

I'm glad it's moving in here like this.

I tried to talk Mom out of it. I really did, but...

You know how headstrong she is.

Oh, for Christ's sakes, what's the big deal anyway?

There's more than enough room in this house than two people need.

Mark, you and your mom, you're welcome to stay here as long as you like.

Thanks, Dad.

Come to the sun.

Come on, finish up, baby.

It's me, Pam Wilson.

The girl from the diner, remember?

How could I forget?

That's sweet.

I've been thinking about you a lot.

I've been thinking about you, too.

Really?

I've got some free time if you'd like to come over.

Come over to your place?

Sounds great, but what about your folks?

No problem.

We'll have the place all to ourselves.

Be right over.

Great. See you then.

Bye -bye.

You'll be right over where?

Oh, I've got a date with one of the neighborhood girls.

Oh, well, that was fast work.

I was hoping you'd help me with the dishes.

Hey, I'll help with the dishes.

No, thank you. I can handle it. Hey, what the hell? Besides, we've got a

-in dishwasher.

You just go out and you have yourself a good time, son. All right.

I'm going to take a shower and change clothes. Thanks a lot, Dad. Make sure

uses birth control.

What are you trying to do?

Make points?

No, I wasn't trying to make points.

No?

Okay, I was trying to make points.

Hey, it's not too late, is it?

No, it's never too late.

Oh, speaking of late, I've got to call Jerry about our date tonight.

Oh, so we've got a date with Jerry tonight, huh?

Not we, Vince.

I. I have a date with Jerry tonight.

And I've got to call him and let him know what time.

Hi, Mark.

Good to see you. Come on in.

Good to see you, too. You look great.

Come on in the bedroom. Let's listen to the radio and talk.

But what do you want to talk about?

How about sex?

You mean right now?

No, silly.

I don't want to have sex now.

I just want to talk about it.

Still a virgin?

Dumb question. Do I look like a virgin?

I don't know.

You a virgin?

Of course not.

Do I look retarded or something?

I'll bet you still have your cherry.

Guys don't have cherries.

No. Jesus.

No, they have something better.

Before you came, I was dancing.

Would you like to see me dance?

Yes, sure.

Have you ever seen a girl's pussy up close?

No, only in pictures.

Yeah, like that.

Good enough to eat.

Wait, I've got to poop.

Wait a minute. I'm not into that kinky stuff.

This is silly. Not on you.

I'm in the toilet.

Come on, come on.

Come

here.

I thought you had to go pee.

I don't.

I just didn't want to.

Do it in my bed, you know?

Okay.

Okay, I'm going to say something.

It was kind of short notice. I'm sorry.

Hey, no, that's okay.

You can call me anytime.

Is this social or business?

Strictly social.

It's been a long time since we've seen each other.

It's probably nice to get out of the house, isn't it?

Does it tell?

No, but I can imagine that your first day at the Brewster's could be a little

trying.

Actually, it hasn't been that bad.

Vince is handling this whole thing very well.

What does Vince have to complain about?

He's got two wives, one cooks, the other fucks.

I'm sorry.

It's okay. It's the truth.

Gloria thinks I moved in to steal Vince away from her.

Yeah.

Is she right?

I don't think so.

Did you call me tonight to prove to Gloria that you weren't after Vince?

That's part of it.

Are you angry with me?

No, no. That's what I'm on earth for, to be abused by beautiful women.

What's the rest of it?

The other part of it is that I wanted to be with somebody that I care a lot

about.

I feel comfortable with.

So do you want to fuck?

Ugh.

Thanks, I needed that.

Me too.

Remember the first time you made love?

Yeah. You yelled out Vince's name.

Force of habit.

Are you thinking of him now?

You really want to know?

No.

He never entered my mind once.

Vince and I are through.

Done.

Kaput. You still like crazy about him, huh?

It shows, huh?

Stupid.

Hey, look, Vince, if it's about last night with your ex -wife... Oh, yeah.

You did go out with her last night, didn't you?

Have any fun?

Of course not. What kind of fun could I have with a beautiful woman like Ellen?

You're not still in love with her, are you?

Me?

Interested in Ellen?

Don't be ridiculous.

Okay. So you don't mind me going out with her, doing things with her?

Doing things with her?

Uh, no, of course not, Jerry.

Good. I'm relieved to hear it.

Sure, we could talk.

We can go by this afternoon if you want.

Uh, I've got a better idea.

You remember that old bar we used to go to down by the beach?

Why don't we meet there, say, about 7 o 'clock?

Okay, great.

It'll be just like old times, two of us together howling at the moon.

All right, I'll see you then.

Great.

Thought I'd take a dip.

Go ahead.

Wood is great. You should try it. No, thanks. I can't swim.

Oh, well, in that case, you should let me teach you. Come on.

No.

You don't trust me.

Should I?

If I drowned, you'd have a clear field to vent.

You know something?

You're absolutely right.

Huh?

You and I alone here, all I have to do is give you a push.

Into the water you go.

You'd swallow so much water, you'd just be gasping and kicking around. You'd

drown like a rat.

Don't worry, sweetie. I wouldn't dampen a single golden hair on your precious

head.

Okay, sweetie.

Sit down.

Yes, I know you will.

Shut up while I dry you off here.

Why are you doing this?

Because you're wet.

If I don't dry you off, you'll catch pneumonia and then I'll be stuck taking

care of you.

You saved my life.

If it wasn't for me, you'd never have fallen into the swimming pool in the

place.

Thank you.

I'm sorry. I guess I shouldn't have done that. I just wanted to thank you.

What's going on?

The way you make me feel tonight.

No way I can hide.

What's happening?

What am I going to do?

I don't know, then.

What am I going to do?

I don't know.

I'm asking you.

Hey, listen, fella.

I'm a lawyer, not a marriage counselor.

I'll drink to that.

You don't drink to anything.

I'll drink to that.

You know something, pal?

What is it, old buddy?

I have discovered something very important.

Hey, Vince.

Tell me something.

What is it you discovered so very important?

What's that?

You said you discovered something important.

Oh, yeah.

I have discovered that women are basically all alike.

I had known that for years.

Tits and pussies.

There's more women than just tits and pussies, pal.

Depends on how kinky you want to get.

Take those two, for example.

I don't mind if I do.

You're just so female.

Why can't women be a little more like me?

We couldn't help but love to hear your discussion about women.

Oh, yeah? We both found it quite fascinating.

We were talking about you two. That's right.

I know.

What made it so fascinating?

Tell us something. My buddy here says he thinks all women are alike.

What do you think about that?

I must guarantee there's not another woman in this life quite like me, unless

there is. Yeah.

I could be wrong.

Why don't you guys come over to our place for a little adventure?

What do you say, Red? Yeah, I got nothing to do. A little adventure.

Yeah.

Let's go.

You got me, baby.

I'm with you.

slouch in the cock sucking department.

That's true.

I mean, that's true. How would you know?

I went out with her before you did.

Oh, yeah, that's right.

You did it.

That was pretty good, too.

That's right.

How would you rate her on a scale of one to ten?

I guess I'd say about seven and three quarters.

Seven and three quarters, huh?

Yeah.

That's all?

That's as far as my measuring stick goes.

That's a baby, that's awesome.

Oh, God.

We're going to have some...

Hey, buddy.

You're in no condition to drive.

Okay,

come on, sock out on the couch.

Hey, hey, hey, wait a minute, wait a minute.

This is a three -bedroom house.

Oh, yeah, but Gloria and I sleep in one of the bedrooms.

You wouldn't want to sleep with Gloria and me, would you?

No offense, Kyle, but I have no desire to sleep with you.

I go by son of Mark. He's sleeping in the other bedroom.

You wouldn't want to sleep with Mark, would you?

Not if there's any other choice.

Well, then?

You're forgetting something.

Forgetting how? What did I forget?

The third bedroom.

Oh, yeah.

Well, Ellen is sleeping in the third bedroom. Yeah, talk, man, talk. No, no,

no, no. You can't sleep with Ellen.

Why not? You've done it a hundred times.

She's my wife.

Listen, pal.

I happen to be a lawyer.

And she happens to be her ex -wife.

And I guess there weren't any fucking ex -wife in the world that I fucking want.

Oh.

Okay, okay. You can sleep with her.

You can't fuck her.

Why not?

I'm still in love with her.

Oh, yeah?

That's right.

Then you can't fuck love.

Why?

Because I'm not a liar.

Well, that's okay, pal. We got a deal. Okay, let's go.

How are you? You all right?

Oh, I feel wonderful.

Oh, shit. You haven't been taking those tranquilizers again, have you?

I had to. I was too excited to see them.

You know how they affect you?

Excited. What do you mean excited?

About Ellen being here.

Yeah, well, we'll talk about that in the morning.

She saved my life.

That's nice.

I was going down for the third time, and then she pulled me out.

And then we came up here, and we both went down three times.

Good night, Gloria.

Good night, sweetheart.

I didn't know my dad was going to be home tonight, too.

It's okay. It's better here anyway. We won't be interrupted.

Just be real quiet.

Don't want to wake up anybody.

Okay.

Come on. Get your head up.

Give me a break. I'll get your pants off. Come on.

Hurry up. I'm all ready.

It sure is.

We got all night.

We do.

I'm sorry about calling this a little doo -doo.

Actually, it's a very nice big doo -doo.

All for Pete's sake, Gloria.

Stop wandering around and come on back to bed.

Gloria.

Gloria.

Oh, I like it.

You wouldn't believe me if I told you.

What are you doing?

It's getting late.

I've got to get home.

But we haven't... Oh, I know.

We'll just have to do it some other time.

Oh, man.

Come on, I'll take you home.

What are you doing here?

Vince just left for work.

I'm so miserable, Jerry.

What's the matter, baby? I thought you were happy with Vince.

I thought so, too, but I was just kidding myself.

He's a wonderful guy, and he's a marvelous husband.

Hey, you know something else? He's my best friend.

But, Jerry, I don't love him.

I love you. I should have married you.

Hey, sweetheart.

You didn't marry me.

You married James.

And you better get the hell out of this room. We'll talk about this in a calmer

and more rational moment.

Come on, sweetheart.

Come on, go away.

No. Go away.

No. Come on.

Go away.

I'll try to clear you up.

Thank you.

Rough night?

Yeah, what I can remember of it.

Oh.

Jerry's still upstairs in bed.

Well, guess I'll let him sleep it off.

Yeah, my bed.

Generous of you. Yeah, look, I'm sorry about that.

It was his idea.

I wanted him to sack out an account.

I didn't even know he was in bed with me.

Is Gloria up yet?

Not yet.

Where's Mark?

Oh, he left already.

He said he had an appointment.

I think he has a girlfriend.

Oh.

Hey, this is just like old times, isn't it?

Not quite like old times, Vince.

Back in those days, we never knew where our next meal was coming from.

Yeah.

We were happy.

We were happy, weren't we, Ella?

Yeah, I thought so.

Where'd we go wrong?

We didn't go wrong. I was the one who went wrong.

I was a bossy, nagging wife.

You are going to tell me I'm wrong, aren't you?

Nope.

You were a bossy, nagging wife.

But look, it's what I needed.

You gave me the boost that I needed, Ellen.

Yeah, I gave you a boost right into another woman's arms.

Hey, I guess I hurt you more than I should have.

Yeah, you shouldn't have hurt me so much.

That's okay. I got over it.

Did you?

You better go to work.

This is Vince.

Damn it, Ellen.

It's about time I started doing things right.

I love you.

And I want to marry you again.

Well, don't I have something to say about this? No.

I mean, yes.

I mean... Well, what about Gloria?

Gloria doesn't love me.

She loves Jerry.

Always has.

And Jerry loves her.

Well, why don't you come home?

We can talk about it then.

Okay.

Okay.

I think we're all going to need the services of a good attorney.

Let's keep it that way.