Original subtitles

Based on real facts and events

Dedicated to future generations

We are genuinely committed to match nontaxable income to minimum wage;

families with children will pay lower income taxes;

our priorities are a competitive and efficient Lithuanian economy,

an educated, dignified and safe, responsible and open-minded Lithuanian society,

and a Lithuania that works and makes money.

A country where we - and you - want to live.

I personally...

Fuck.

Eima... there's news...

Just a minute, baby...

We'll get back to spiritual stuff - take a break.

Well?

They sent the ratings.

And?

Look for yourself.

Motherfucker...

LPP is in first.

Fuck that!

Did those rating bitches get something from us?

- Well they say they're objective... - Fucking what???

Easy, now... you won in Varena, Naujoji Akmene and Trakai.

I don't give a shit about fucking Trakai, goddammit...

Eighteen percent down, with four days until the fucking election,

and they send me this bullshit!

- The ratings are public, they've already been published. - Fuck that, got it?

We still have airtime with Redhead, got it?

That's the thing, we don't anymore.

They called from Redhead's - there isn't going to be any airtime.

Fucking bitch... that Redhead...

- So how much more does she want? - How do I know?

In any case, we don't have anything to give.

How about Beef, did he pay?

Beef paid, but we already spend it - it was hardly enough for the votes in Trakai.

Fuck Trakai, fuck Trakai...

Redhead, she definitely saw the ratings - that's why she ditched us.

Fucking Redhead... Redhead, Redhead, Redhead...

she's still going to blow me, you'll see... Fucking Redhead...

Did you know that she's a vegan?

What fucking difference does it make?

My wife's a vegan so she won't suck your dick.

So you're saying your wife never...?

Jesus Christ, you poor man...

She's a conservative, and vegans have their beliefs.

They even have their fucking beliefs...

They say Redhead has never blown anyone.

What about her husband?

What fucking husband? He's a fucking queer - he's a social democrat.

They're only together for show.

For a country where you fucking want to live.

Hello.

I'd like to speak with Eimantas.

- What about? - It's personal, this isn't the press.

I'm afraid I can't help - he's in a meeting with...

...voters right now.

Listen, I have what he needs,

especially now when there are four days left until the election.

So give him to me, because there's not going to be a second call.

Some broad. Says she has what you really need.

And... how does everyone know so well what I really need?

I saw the news. It has to do with your ratings.

Go on...

Fucking good chances for the elections.

Who are you?

Look, we have to get a new report ready for tonight.

But airtime has already been booked, for those...

There's not going to be any airtime - have you seen their ratings?

- So let them know and tell them to fuck off, OK? - Got it.

And now get some material together about officers

who've received a state award from the president.

- Got it? - OK, got it, I'm on it.

YELLOW

OFFICE OF THE PROSECUTOR GENERAL OF THE REPUBLIC OF LITHUANIA

Thank you, dear colleagues, thank you.

I want to thank you not only for your words of congratulation,

but also for your professional support.

Without you, I definitely wouldn't be holding this right now.

I'm so proud that...

that I have people whose trust,

commitment and cooperation let me realize that I am not just...

not just of service to the country,

but most importantly - to its people. Thank you so much.

Thank you, Rima.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Cheers.

Thank you.

No problem.

I can give you some aspirin.

Fuck, I feel awful...

Did you buy it?

Yeah, I got it.

- Here, this should be OK. - Thank you...

You got a ton of congratulations, a ton of mail...

...the Minister of the Internal Affairs...

...sent a personal greeting...

...and People magazine

wants an interview and asked about a photoshoot.

Good morning.

I'm very sorry, but the prosecutor is very busy right now.

Forgive me for just showing up like this,

but I really wanted to congratulate her, together with the president.

Thank you very much.

- I can give this to her. - No!

Just a minute, just one minute. It's such a special occasion.

Nothing for the record, I promise...

Just heartfelt congratulations from our editors and all of the journalists...

The editor-in-chief from the news.

Good morning! This is for you.

Thank you.

Well, since I can see that this meeting has nothing to do with my job...

Honorable prosecutor, please accept our most sincere congratulations...

We are so proud of you.

And I'm sure that your work and your accomplishments will continue to be recognized.

It's too bad that we just have a minute, so I'll make this quick.

A phone?

Take it.

Take it, honorable prosecutor.

We'll save time that way, which is something you never have enough of.

Violeta, give us a minute, please.

That's impossible.

In our case everything is possible.

Otherwise...

it means that you're ready

for your free time to be discussed on the morning news.

Although I'm sure that a prosecutor who has received an award

from the president will come up with some sincere excuses.

Well, I hope that tomorrow morning won't ruin your mood.

How much?

Fifty...

by tonight, latest.

You're bluffing; I don't have that kind of money right now.

I'm sorry, but you think this looks like a fucking bluff?

Fifty, and you go on with your life and we go on with our work.

Stop, stop, stop!

Fuck!

Stop! Jesus Christ!

Medic! Get me a medic!

That outfit is too tight. Juozas! Where's the designer? Juozas!!

What are you screaming about?

Nobody told me that he's going to crush those watermelons with his head.

What difference does it make to you what he crushes them with?

- Look, just look, his costume is too tight... - So what if it's tight?

Where are the costumes??

Here's your costumes - there wasn't enough money, that's all there is.

Jesus Christ, so what are we going to show them?

Where are my horns?

The horns are on the way.

We'll continue without the horns.

There's only one watermelon left.

One??

They thought they were for breakfast.

What's going on here??

I'm an artist - how am I supposed to do my art?

Vytenis, let's take a smoke break - I'm so sick of this, I really need some air...

- Wait, you!

How's the dancer?

- They say they have to take him to the hospital. - What?

No, no, no, hold on... Are you going to be long with him?

I need to continue with the rehearsal.

I'm afraid we're taking him to the hospital. He has a headache - he might have a concussion.

Wait, you have to understand... This is our Eurovision solidarity concept...

Do you understand?

He's the only refugee from Syria we have, there's no more like him, understand?

Please...

I'm telling you - it could be serious.

Here's the contract. And they asked if pumpkins are OK.

- What fucking pumpkins!? - From the supermarket.

They called and said they're out of watermelon.

Vytenis, I need to take a piss - can I go to the bathroom?

Excuse me...

Your horns are here.

- Ohhh, fuck! - Did you do this?

What are you doing, goddammit?

Vytenis, did you do this?

Do what, Rima?

Vytenis, goddammit... you think this is a joke?

What fucking joke, I don't know what you're talking about, Rima. Listen...

They fucking set me up, they even took pictures!

What pictures?

Vytenis, goddammit, you told me it was safe there, that it was your spot.

You got me into that shit yourself and then split!!

Oh, wait a minute now, Rima.

That was your celebration, you asked me yourself to help organize it.

Good people go there. Rima, you're a good person. I helped you...

Well now I'm going to help...

I'm going to help so much that your hemorrhoid is going to come back.

And you can conduct your parade of faggots for me from your cell.

Hold on... Now how was I supposed to know?

I even left my fucking bra there...

- And she wants fifty grand. - What??

So now - I'm giving you an hour.

Rima, fuck...

Otherwise I'm going to get everything I can on you.

You're going to rot in the slammer, bitch, I'm telling you.

Rima, now calm down...

Where am I supposed to get that kind of dough - I'm an artist...

I have fucking Eurovision... Fuck... It's live...

Rima, Rima, wait... The only refugee around and he's out...

There's twenty million refugees in Europe and here...

There's fucking one, and he's fucked...

Fifty...

Hello?

Listen, give me some more time.

Oh, it's the prosecutor awarded for merits to the country. How nice.

Listen, I just don't know where to get it that fast.

I just don't have anywhere to get that much from.

That's a very, very bad habit to change the conditions.

Well, give it some thought - maybe the Office of the President will help.

There's still time.

Have a nice day, honorable prosecutor.

On the home straight of the parliamentary elections,

it turns out the ruling party has a chance of staying in power for one more term.

The newest public opinion poll shows that with just four days left before the election,

the opposition DGF Party has lost its advantage, putting the ruling LPP into the lead.

According to experts, voters were not convinced

by the opposition's policy of change and promises of a fight against corruption.

DGF only managed to hold on to voter sympathy in Naujoji Akmene, Varena and Trakai.

I'd like to speak with Eimantas.

What about?

It's personal, this isn't the press.

The minister and his clown... and so?

...then we're good to go.

These are our calculations...

Is it OK?

Got it.

Got it.

Think yourself...

Prime minister...?

Goddamn it...

What?

I fucked Lithuania...

And how much is that thing we really need going to cost?

When?

Tonight, and I need to fucking know if I'm going to get it now,

otherwise I'm giving it to someone else.

A scandal in the parliament.

During a plenary session, the leader of the opposition

openly accused the ruling parties of developing an unprecedented network of corruption.

The opposition leader has threatened to reveal, later today, shocking facts

about plundering of state funds at the governmental level.

A sensation that could fundamentally change the outcome of the upcoming parliamentary election.

Opposition leaders claim to have real evidence of fraud worth millions

carried out by the ruling parties in state enterprises subordinate to the government.

I think it's good that people are talking about stuff like that, that there's dialogue.

That's right, that's very good...

I don't really care what's going on there, but corruption is bad.

Thieves, communists and faggots.

Because those crooks are just busy with their corruption,

but how about milk - how much does milk cost?

Lithuania will be free - that's all I can say.

Andrelis!

They ask me, the opposition, a leader, a step or not a step...

I tell them it's the will of God.

Excuse me, but what do you think about the step the leader of the opposition party took today?

I don't have an opinion. I'm waiting for Eurovision!

Eimantas, you publicly accused the government of corrupt ties.

Believe me, I have solid grounds for that.

But you didn't present any proof or give a single name.

I want to repeat that we have video footage and are ready to name

specific people, specific amounts and specific state enterprises

that they have been stealing from for four years.

But Eimantas, this is a scandal, so when?

As usual, it's you, the journalists, who make the scandal.

I just want to keep society informed and protect it and our country from corrupt leaders.

Did he promise it to anyone?

Nobody knows yet.

So what are you waiting for?

We need this broadcast.

Book it.

GOVERNMENT OF THE REPUBLIC OF LITHUANIA

Right before the elections, right before the elections.

Where the fuck did they get it from?

It's a bluff - they don't have anything.

Bluff, my ass...

They wouldn't risk it - those motherfuckers would have done it earlier.

Maybe someone opened their mouth and made a stink.

Where the fuck did they get the footage from?

The Prosecutor's Office?

Goddammit...

You gave me your word that those crooked windows don't have anything and never will.

Go see Ravioli and tickle his balls.

I'll tickle them.

Hello?

Hello, Eimantas, this is Erika, the editor from the news.

Yes, Erika, nice to hear from you.

The information you have about the government corruption scandal -

we'd like to propose doing a live exclusive on our channel.

Well, as far as I've heard, the broadcast is canceled today.

Oh, I'm sorry, but that was actually the mistake of the Broadcast Programming Department

and I really, really apologize and am very sorry that happened,

but you know very well yourself that our channel is the most watched,

the biggest, the most objective and the most interesting,

and believe me, Eimantas - our offer will definitely be the best.

Sounds good.

Does that mean we can announce your broadcast this evening?

OK, we'll discuss the details tonight, come to the parliament.

Today the leader of the opposition set off a scandal tantamount to a nuclear explosion.

The opposition has announced that it has clear evidence of unprecedented corruption in the government.

During our live broadcast, the opposition will present all of the material that it has.

Special, live coverage coming up shortly.

They called from Pabrade - they found a new refugee.

Oh... There is a God...

But he's not from Syria.

Who cares... Get him over here.

But there are... conditions. What kind?

Eight.

Hundred? Does he fucking know what minimum wage is here?

Well he's some sort of star... He was in some elephant project.

Fuck, what kind of day is this... Can we pay that much?

We still haven't paid the one they took away.

Excellent... we'll pay this one.

Time for a lunch break - have to take off for an hour or so.

I've already supported you as much as I could, guys - two times...

Well, I could help out more,

but there's only four days before the election...

You didn't hear us - we need cash. Today.

Today?

And cash?

You can declare is as a loan.

- You can take it out of the register. - And lend it to us.

- You'll get your veterinary license. - Or you won't.

And you can keep freezing your beef in peace.

Or dream about intestinal bacteria.

- A hundred grand in cash. - Now, all of it.

You loan it to us and we're happy.

- And your ravioli can stay delicious. - Fucking get it?

Goddammit.

Stop, stop, stop...

Stop, guys, stop...

I fucking... have to think about it, seriously.

Well think faster, because there's no time.

Gintas, but... it's not ravioli season.

Frozen beef isn't popular at all.

It doesn't pay for me to pay someone...

Not someone, goddammit - the Butcher.

- What, you don't fucking understand that there's the elections? - I understand, I understand...

But that Butcher might not make it... I saw the party's ratings and well...

...nothing is going to help him.

- You seriously want a fucking inspection? - No, no, I don't.

- You do, you do. - I don't.

I can see that you do.

Well, I want to help you...

Fuck...

Well, I can...

...pay in ravioli.

What?

I mean, in products:

I can pay in ravioli,

dumplings,

frozen dinners...

I mean, lend...

Ravioli, goddammit...

Tomorrow all of your fucking ravioli are going to goddamn fly!

You fucking got it?

A hundred and six grand.

In cash.

What are the six for?

For prevention!

I'll let you know where and when in an hour.

The cockroach...

Fuck!

...can survive fifteen days without a head,

and then just dies... of starvation.

Excuse me?

The pig...

is the only animal...

that has an orgasm that lasts... thirty minutes.

Is there something you wanted?

Half an hour.

Listen, why the show? And what do those pigs have to do with it?

Kinza.

What?

Why do they ruin pork with fucking kinza.

I don't know.

When's the meeting with the Butcher?

I... I don't know what you're talking about.

About the intestinal bacteria in your brain.

I... I don't understand... I don't know...

Go on, go on...

Livestock inseminators are definitely not going to help you.

Listen, they're pressing me for a hundred and six grand, but...

I don't have that much money right now.

You'll meet and give all the money directly to him.

But he doesn't come himself - he sends Legs...

I don't know, I can't guarantee it...

No, no... I happen to need a guarantee here.

And they say they look a lot like a person...

What?

GREEN

Hi, Gintas.

I guarantee you have some good news for me.

Yes, yes, everything is very good.

It's never very good in this country. Come to the national TV studio. Now.

OK, and I'll bring you a hundred and six thousand.

What the fuck are you talking about? Is there something fucking wrong with your head?

No, right, right... sorry, Gintas, I just...

want to give it to the Butcher... and I want...

I want to make sure everything is OK.

He'll get everything...

The Butcher is going to be at the studio, and Legs will meet you there.

- And who would Legs be? - What fucking difference is it to you?

- None at all... - You have half an hour. And don't be late.

God fucking dammit.

Who the fuck is Legs?

I don't know - you heard it for yourself.

We have to find out...

- Take this and call him. - Jesus Christ, they send someone different every time.

If I ask now, he'll get suspicious and next time it's going to be me instead of the freezer.

Your bonus is on the way, it'll be here in half an hour.

When I get my bonus you'll get yours.

It's almost airtime - I need to give them the tape.

Talking about your head and judging from that fact that the meeting is taking place on TV,

I'd say it's not only ratings you're fucked with...

I have an intimate question to ask you... Save it for your bitch, alright?

How bad do you have to shit yourself for the president to give you a national award?

Hello.

Honorable prosecutor,

I just wanted to say that I have some convincingly nice material,

about officers devoted to the state, right on my desk.

I... I almost have it.

Almost...

"Almost" is for the maternity ward.

OK, I have it.

See you soon, honorable prosecutor.

Good evening, Eimantas.

Is there something wrong?

Thanks...

Thank you...

Thanks!

For what?

You can't even imagine...

...how the entire nation, all of the people,

and of course - the authorities - are grateful to you.

You wouldn't believe it.

And not only do I feel - I know it as a fact -

that the democratic principles of society...

...that our state enjoys today are the fruits of the labor of the press.

Thanks to you, we are proud, happy and free.

Thanks to the people who fight corruption every day...

...without sparing themselves.

Thank you very, very much.

What fucking thank you - I'm practicing my lines!

How much can you offer?

I thought we could agree. How much are we offering, goddammit?

Ten.

You hear that, Linas?

She says ten.

Add a zero.

- Two. - Nine.

- Three. - Eight.

- OK, four. - OK, seven.

- Five. - I said seven.

But this is a live broadcast.

It's already being advertised, the prime minister himself is going to be there.

Well... I'm definitely not going to be in debt.

You won't regret it, Eimantas.

But there's one condition.

Yes?

Rumor has it that you're...

a vegan...

Vytenis, Vytenis... Vytenis.

What?

The refugee.

Vytenis - Papu.

Nice to meet you - Vytenis.

Elephants.

He asked where his money is.

Can you smash a watermelon with your head?

Quickly pay me the money! Where is my allowance, cursed Christians!

Revenge of the heavens and the hell on this earth is awaiting for you!

Where is my honorarium, my money... you stupid infidels!

What rest?

Don't play with me and don't try to trick me damned ones!

Where is my money?

How much? How fucking much?

For that much I'll fucking deport you myself back to Syria!

Oh, poor white people... I'm from Pakistan! I'm the one...

I don't give a fuck - back to Syria!

We have a decent legal framework...

...and laws which establish legal responsibility for acts of corruption.

But in reality, deep-rooted corrupt behavior among politicians is thriving.

Lithuania needs sober, honest and actively patriotic people in politics...

Linas, we're not late, are we?

No, no, we're good.

Don't rush, Ms. Editor, we still have time...

We have a responsibility to ensure the effective work of law enforcement institutions...

...in order to protect the rights and freedoms of the country and its citizens.

Dear voters, your decision to replace the corrupt civil servants...

...who have been in power for so long,

would be the most decisive and responsible vote given to a party that is determined to fight.

To fight for a country where we want to live.

Call, goddammit, call... Quick...

Who the fuck do I call?

Quick, goddammit...

Hi, this is Linas.

What? Where's Eimantas?

We're here...

Where here? So get to the make-up room, everyone's waiting...

Gintaras, call a fucking ambulance, quick.

What ambulance?

We're in a fucking intersection. We got hit...

Hit by who, goddammit? Give me Eimantas.

He definitely can't talk right now.

What the fuck is going on there, Linas?

Fuck, I don't know how to explain...

What the fuck do you need to explain, they're waiting for us on the air.

What are you fooling around for, goddammit?

Listen... fuck... he got it bit off.

Bit off?

What?

Fuck. Hold on, just a minute...

You see, Gintaras... he got it bit off... his dick...

Excuse me - hi. I'm the producer of the show. Is Eimantas already here?

- Has he arrived? - He's on his way.

I see... well, you know, we're waiting for him.

Say that again.

Fuck, I don't know.

I was just standing there at the intersection, and all I do is fucking move and suddenly I get sideswiped.

So you want to tell me that someone bit his dick off?

Not someone - fucking Redhead.

Jesus Christ! So how is he now?

He's bad... he... he's so small, he's holding him in his hands.

I'm not talking about his fucking dick! I'm talking about Eimantas - how is he?

- Bad, he's bleeding, he needs to get to a hospital. - Wait... Wait. Give me a second...

Fuck... Fuck... Fuck...

Linas, he's bad, he's dying...

Gintaras, listen, what am I supposed to do?

Should I call the police and then the ambulance, or the ambulance and then the police? Who'll get here faster?

Wait, wait, wait...

Wait for fucking what - he's dying!

Wait, did anyone see you?

How do I fucking know if someone saw us or not, how do I know, I was in the car!

- I'm asking you if someone fucking saw what happened. - I don't fucking know, I told you - I was in the car.

- Can you drive? - Fuck... drive where? I don't know where to go.

Linai, he's blacking out...

Shit...

- Listen, Gintaras, that's it - I'm calling an ambulance. - Listen... Listen!

The only one who owns his dick is his wife and nobody else. You understand?

And if he ends up in the hospital now with his dick in his hand, we're going to have to explain

to the police, to the press, and most importantly, goddammit, to his wife!

Fuck.

So you just calm down and start the engine.

- Did you start it? - What? No, I didn't start it.

So start the fucking engine!

Alright, I started it.

Now get out of there.

OK - where should I go?

I don't know where you should fucking go - go to some place.

What fucking place? He needs a medic!

So call Saulius from the party, he's a medic. I'll come after the show.

You know, we're really waiting for you in the make-up room. Time, you know, it's a live broadcast.

Just a moment...

- We're waiting. - I'll be right there...

Your bonus is here -let's go.

And?

How much is supposed to be there?

Like we agreed - a hundred.

A hundred means a hundred...

A hundred, goddammit...

Where did you go? Hello? The show is starting, please come to the studio. Where is Eimantas?

Good evening, we have a real pre-election stir on our live discussion of current affairs tonight.

As you know, the leader of one of the opposition parties has accused the government

of corruption on an unprecedented scale.

A move of incredible desperation which - if the facts are confirmed -

would clearly have an impact on the elections this weekend...

Go to hell!

...for parliament.

Contrary to what he promised, opposition leader Eimantas Bialobžeskis did not come to our studio,

but we do have the party's...

Goddammit, we're closed!

...deputy chairman and his associate Gintaras.

I've got all the cops in the city after me...

Egis, what the fuck are you doing here?

Fuck, Vova, we were at this fucking awesome party yesterday...

there were these fucking awesome girls...

Egis, you have Kalashnikov rifle.

I took it in the car.

Motherfucker, what fucking car?

The cop car...

But what a broad... and they come out of fucking nowhere...

Come over here... this and that... they cuff me like always and put me in the car,

and I look and that gun's lying there...

You have to get these fucking off of me...

And take the gun.

Well, fifty.

Vova!

Egis, fuck, you know, with that euro, there's no customers at all... really...

Hi. Are you alone?

Well... I am now.

Listen, I need your garage. Temporarily.

Ah... so you want to screw a little cow, huh?

No, you see, I got hit and I need to keep the car somewhere.

Oh, then of course... come on in.

Mr. Rudokas, tell me - when will we be able to see the evidence of corruption that you promised?

Good evening, everyone.

Well, first I should retort that there is no desperation here.

We were and are completely open and we always carry through with our promises,

and our voter knows and appreciates this.

Gintaras, you didn't answer my question.

Where is the promised evidence of corruption on an unprecedented scale in the government?

The evidence is on the way and will be at the studio together with Eimantas shortly.

I just talked to him, and he's fine; he's on his way but he's just running a little late

and is very sorry about that.

Hi, Saulius...

No, not good... We have a major problem.

You have to come over here.

I couldn't give a fuck about that Eurovision of yours.

What? How do I know, I need you, I need your profession.

Listen, Saulius, get in the car and get over here.

Yeah, and bring some painkillers and ice.

A lot of ice, yeah...

You know, all of this shit is all fucking...

You know, you're going to have to replace this entire side.

Motherfucker!

Vova, everything's alright - she's with me.

Who the fuck is that broad? What's wrong with her?

Erika - Vova.

You better tell me what this shit is all about.

Linas, look, we have to do something.

Motherfucker!

Why the fuck did you bring that corpse to my garage?

Vova, wait.

What the fuck for - there's something wrong with your head!

I'm going to turn you and that bitch in myself!

Vova, calm down - he's still alive and there's people who are on the way.

Alive... almost... I mean, so far...

What fucking people? Our own.

And what the fuck is with that dick?

Fuck, how do I put this... he lost his friend.

What friend?

I mean... his very dearest.

I don't know...

Vova, calm down. A medic is on the way and he'll take care of everything.

You're going to take your fucking friend,

and he's going to take his fucking friend,

and you're going to get the fuck out of here!

Vova, wait.

What the fuck for, Linas? This isn't a fucking hospital.

You had to fucking come here!

I'm trying to get a loan from the bank for two car lifts.

And if something fucking happens here... This is like murder! I don't fucking need this!

Goddammit, Vova, don't you see I can't.

You fucking can't?

I fucking can!

Vova... Vova, I'm fucking begging you...

Vova, calm the fuck down - please - don't, OK?

Vova, please don't fucking do this, please. Fuck, Vova...

You've got to understand, he's from the same party I am.

I can't let anyone see him like this, I can't take him anywhere else!

I couldn't give a fuck about your party.

OK - How much?

Tell me - how much?

Ten grand.

Vova. 10 grand. Period.

Honorable Prime Minister, what do you make of this whole scandal

and what could be the evidence of corruption if, of course, the facts were to be confirmed?

Good evening.

Well I can assure you that this is just another provocation based on slander which,

when we hear it, will end in a major fiasco for the opposition.

What do you think, professor?

It's obvious that statements like these - in a situation like this, right before the elections -

will also have an impact on the outcome.

Mr. Katkus, what's your opinion?

Well, for now I wouldn't dare to make any predictions.

The scandal already happened,

but we'll only see who it hurts and who it helps when we see the evidence -

the footage or whatever that we're all standing here waiting for.

Yes, we really are standing here in the studio and looking forward to seeing the evidence, Gintaras.

Where is the video footage that you promised, and where is your party leader?

He told me eight hundred.

So what's he fucking raising the price for?

I don't know, but we need to rehearse - we don't have a choice.

But Vytenis - it's your decision. We need to get on stage.

So?

Vytenis?

We have to get on stage - they're waiting for us.

Hi, Saulius, come in. Thank you.

What happened? Here's your ice cream.

What's the ice cream for?

You asked me to bring it.

Saulius, fuck, it was totally bit off.

A limb?

How do I know what you fucking call it. Yeah, a limb.

Then we have to get to the clinic - this is going to need surgery.

No, Gintaras said we can't take him anywhere - everyone will find out. Come on, first take a look, OK?

- Dog, cat? - What?

- What kind of animal? - What fucking animal - it's Eimantas!

Are you a fucking idiot? I'm a veterinarian!

Motherfucker... we're screwed.

Well, Gintaras, these are very serious allegations against the government in any case.

So you have to prove your words,

because otherwise, your ratings and those of your party and your party's leader

- which are low as it is - will hit rock-bottom

and you'll all have lied to Lithuania.

Eimantas, it's me, I need to take a look, alright? I'll be gentle...

Sha, sha, just a second... let me see...

Just a second... hold on...

Motherfucker!

- This is really, really bad. - What's wrong?

Where's the organ?

Maybe she swallowed it?

Did you swallow?

No.

Maybe it's in the car.

Then we have to go get it!

I'll find it.

Hold on - put it on the ice cream and keep it cold.

We've got to get him to a surgeon - fast!

Wait a fucking minute...

Take him wherever you want, but only after my money is on this fucking table.

We are openly and honestly striving for absolute transparency.

In all spheres.

By behaving this way ourselves, we are encouraging others to do the same.

I guarantee you, viewers, and all of Lithuania,

that you will see the promised video footage - and hear the names of the people involved - today.

I promise.

And you're not going to need a detector?

Certainly not - we are for a thriving Lithuania,

and we know the voters will make the right choice.

Your explanation seems strange, to be honest.

Fuck.

Excuse me?

Honorarium?

So you're... Legs?

I not quite understand.

Where is the Butcher?

Fuck, meat...

Hello?

What the fuck is going on there?

I don't know what to do.

He came over, said that he's Legs and now he's talking about meat. What should I do?

Make sure the Butcher gets the ravioli. I'm sending guys in, got it?

And watch him, watch him. Keep the camera pointed at him.

Keep the camera pointed at him!

Guys - let's go!

Hurry up cursed man...

Legs got away. Block off the courtyard.

Motherfucker.

Stop!

I'm telling you to stop!

Jesus, what kind of people are these, what kind of country is this...

My last refugee and even he gets knocked off...

RED

So that's it for this show - thank you for watching.

Have a nice evening with our channel.

Well now, thank you, thank you...

- Yeah, hello. - Gintaras, we have problems, big problems.

- My pleasure... - What fucking pleasure?

- Bye. - Gintaras, Eimantas is screwed.

And it turns out Saulius is a motherfucking vet. I don't know what to do.

Listen, bring the money when you come because Vova's totally pissed.

You... Where did you come from...

What a fucking day...

What? What's wrong?

Fucking bitch...

What happened to you?

It's an infection.

- Give me the beef. - What do you mean? I already gave it.

Who the fuck did you give it to?

Legs came and took it.

What fucking legs?

What do I know - you said that Legs was going to come,

so some gypsy came and said that he's Legs and...

...that he has to take his honorarium.

- Have you lost your fucking mind? - No - seriously.

A gypsy?

Well, he came over, took it and ran.

He fucking ran?

He fucking ran...

Fuck a duck!

Eimantas, hold on, everything's going to be alright - I promise.

We'll get help... we'll get help. We'll find it and sew it back on.

Motherfucker, where is that organ?

Linas, I'm fucking telling you.

That fucking dick is in her stomach.

Come on - she couldn't have, she's a vegan.

Eimantas...

- Oh, your euros are here.

- Where is he? - Upstairs. Did you bring the cash?

Fucking gypsy...

What gypsy?

- What kind of dick are you looking for here? - Eimantas'.

How is he?

Gintaras, it's really bad. Just look - he's bleeding bad.

I can't stop it.

Drugs, goddammit, do you have any drugs?

Drugs aren't going to help.

He has painkillers.

They're animal painkillers - they're for pigs!

No way, come on.

Saulius, we have to fucking bring him back to life.

We have to get him out of here and give him to surgeons, and fast!

He has to tell the TV that he's alive and well,

and that he has the fucking evidence. How is he going to do that?

I don't know how he's going to do it!

But if we don't take him right now, he's never going to be on TV again.

Jesus... fuck!

The elections are this fucking weekend - if we take him now,

then tomorrow everyone will scream,

that the party chairman - the future prime minister -

is lying in a hospital ward with his own dick in his hand!

What am I supposed to do?

Give him all the fucking drugs you have!

Hey, where's my ten grand?

Who the fuck is this?

It's you...

Where's my ten grand for this goddamn bullshit?

Hold on, hold on...

Linas, what the fuck is this?

Hey! Have you lost your fucking mind?

Ten fucking grand for this asshole?

Fuck - hello, hello!

If you don't like it, it's fucking free at the police station.

What, was I supposed to take him straight to the fucking TV station?

Is he going to come to?

He's going to fucking croak... I'm telling you, he's fallen asleep.

- How do we bring him around? - Fuck bringing him around!

Let him fucking be, he's barely alive. And believe me, you have to call an ambulance!

Goddammit, I'm telling you, Saulius, we have to bring him around.

- Do whatever you want - give him some fucking drugs. - I don't have anything!

This... is a biological stimulant to fertilize animals - it's not going to help.

It'll help! It'll fucking help!

Motherfucker...

Gintaras, come over here! The broads are having it out!

Gintaras, you see that?

Motherfucker... Saulius, come on!

Where's the fucking flash drive?

Where's the video?

Saulius, keep your eye on her.

Get the flag.

What for?

Get the fucking flag, Linas!

Redhead, you're coming with me. Now.

Come on, come on, goddammit, faster. Get him up, get him up.

Careful, careful - he's in pain!

What fucking pain? Hold his fucking head!

Just a second, just a second... oh, you little fucking shit...

Eimantas! Come on, snort!

Snort it!

Come on, do it for the party!

Snort, Eimantas!

For the prime minister - snort! That's the fucking way.

Did you snort it?

Right, now where's the fucking stimulator?

Gintaras?

Come on, hang the flag and get Eimantas ready. Eimantas, we're about to record.

- Gintaras, where? Where should I hang it? - Behind him - there on the wall.

Goddammit, Linas, what kind of fucking flag is that?

It's left over from the campaign - it was a gift from the gays in Priekule.

Fucking... whatever - hang it the fuck up.

Hey... you're not hanging fucking anything here.

I've got some asshole without a dick lying here in my garage,

some fucking bitch half covered in blood,

some goddamn vet... and now you want to hang a flag too?

Where's my dough?

- Come on, let's talk about this tomorrow! - Come on, let's talk about this now!

This isn't some election - this is my fucking garage.

Are you fucking missing something? You'll get your fucking dough!

Tomorrow - and you'll get as much as you want!

He's a politician with a lot of fucking pull...

We're the authorities!

You're not the fucking authorities to me!

He's not an authority to me!

And in general - no one is an authority to me in my own garage!

Got it?

Fuck!

Sh, sh, sh... easy...

Look, it's yours -

that white car is fucking yours.

Alright?

...We are committed to increasing pensions...

We are committed to match nontaxable income to minimum wage.

Families with children won't pay income tax...

Come on, come on, go for it, Eimantas - about priorities, about corruption - go for it.

We're for an efficient and competitive economy,

an open-minded and responsible, educated and tolerant society,

that makes money, and a Lithuania that works.

We have undeniable evidence, that corrupt...

Come on, come on, keep going!

...that corrupt...

That's it, everyone get the fuck out of here!

Let's go - get moving! Go the fuck downstairs!

You stand here!

Both of you over here. Get a fucking move on it!

For a country where you want to live!

Fuck...

Radio station M-1.

More than 3000 policemen are looking for scandalous singer Egidijus Dragūnas SEL'as.

Yesterday late night he was arrested and handcuffed in the center of capital, because of showing obscene gestures in the public place.

He've found the automatic Kalashnikov rifle AK 47 in the police car after he was seated in there.

As the deputy of Ministry of Internal Affairs says: officers were threatened with the gun and cursed by famous singer...

Oh, and before I forget...

I have to give back...

...something that belongs to you.

I don't like to hold on to other people's things.

Here, here...

Greed is like a small child...

Isn't it?

The sooner it's circumcised, the fewer the tears.

Take it, you know it so well, after all.

Go ahead...

Take it, take it.

After circumcision...

...the little boy's parents always make pilaf.

The foreskin is mixed in with rice, lamb, turmeric and cardamom.

And then the pilaf is served to the guests to taste.

And the one who finds the foreskin is his plate is considered lucky.

He has to eat it...

...give thanks and become a member of the family.

Just in time.

They're already waiting for us...

Well, go ahead. Go ahead.

Do you know how long a pig's orgasm lasts? (OFFICE OF THE PRESIDENT OF THE REPUBLIC OF LITHUANIA)

In today's news:

the last refugee who hasn't fled Lithuania yet fled last night.

Tonight we'll find out who is going to represent Lithuania at the Eurovision Song Contest.

And the biggest news is that Gintaras Rudokas,

who took over the opposition after party leader Eimantas Bialobžeskis

unexpectedly passed away last night,

has signed an agreement on a rainbow coalition with the ruling LPP.

This is the first time in Lithuanian history when all of the country's political parties

have decided to work together for the good of the state.

An educated and competent, dignified and safe,

responsible and open-minded Lithuanian society,

and a Lithuania that works and makes money.

Ultimately, a country where we - and you - want to live.