All language subtitles for Son Of Zorn S01E13

Zorn! We need you.
Vulchazor has been on a rampage!

First he sacked the
Plains of Doom, then sh...

He took the Screaming Valley.

No, that's so close
to the Blood Forest.

You mean Lord Vulchazor's Blood
Forest golf course and spa!

'Cause that's what it's called

since he conquered it
last month.

He's going to take
all of Zephyria, Zorn.

Come back and fight with us!

Nah, it's okay.
You got things under control.

Ah, besides,
I'm past all that now.

Battling is a young warrior's game,

and you know I'm loving my life
out here in the O.C.

Got my son.
Got my girl.

Satellite TV.
Got a rocking tan.

You know they have
a cupcake ATM out here?

Zorn! Hang up the phone.

We're trying
to get married here.

Please, I have a family!
I'll tell you where they are

if you just let me live...

Well, looks like
my friend's dead,

so we can do your thing now.

sync & correction by f1nc0
~ Addic7ed.com ~

Wow, You're really getting rid
of all this stuff, Zorn?

The Stone of Sight,

MechaZorn,
all your invisible spikes.

Yeah, well, you know, now
that I'm leaving behind

all things Zephyria,
I really just don't need it.

How much for this
rustic walking stick?

That's not a walking stick.
That's the Staff of Quiv.

Wait a second, Dad,
you're selling the Staff of Quiv?

You know I saw you
kissing it once

when you thought
no one was watching.

Oh, I knew you were watching.

And that's a mistake, by the way.

The Staff of Quiv, not for sale.

Oh, really?
Why not, Zorn?

I mean, if you're committing
to Orange County,

and getting rid
of all your warrior stuff.

Yeah, but the Staff of Quiv
is just too powerful,

even for someone as boring
and lame as Craig.

Eh, but I guess
he is family now.

- All right, 50 bucks.
- Sold!

You and me are going for a walk.

Hey, Alan, look at
all your dad's old outfits.

Scuba Zorn, Snow Zorn...

Oh, Alan, look.
Formal Zorn.

This is your father's
Zephyrian tuxedo.

I think you should keep it,

and I don't know, maybe even
wear it to the prom?

Uh, yeah, you know, as much
as I'd love to wear dad's

used silk loincloth in
front of the entire school,

the only person I want to go to
prom with is Layla, and she hates me.

- Oh, I'm sure she doesn't hate you.
- Yeah.

Uh, no, pretty sure she does.

After I ditched her
for the entire football team,

and then shattered
that kid's pelvis,

she said she never wants
to talk to me ever again.

I forgot that you did that.
That was so dumb.

- Thanks, Craig.
- Hey, son, if you want to impress a girl,

you just got to make
a big gesture, that's all.

Like when I wanted to
impress Upside-Down Woman.

I took the shackles
off her ankles,

and she was right-side up
for the first time in her life,

and she loved it.

Oh, yeah, maybe a grand
gesture would work.

Hey, Alangulon, if
you're gonna go to prom,

you're probably
gonna have sex, right?

So, we should, uh,
maybe have a little chitchat

about the birds and bees, hmm?

Dad! You know, I have health
class and the Internet, so...

I just don't want you
to become a teen dad, you know?

- There's nothing more tragic...
- Uh, whoopsies. Ooh.

Kill everyone.

Hey, a little FYI,
those demons aren't being sarcastic.

Sorry, Nurse, I was just wondering,
'cause I don't see them there.

- I love Nurse Jackie.
- Shh, shh.

She's hiding pills.

- Hey, Linda.
- Shut up, Todd.

Hey, Zorn.
Uh, I'm gonna be going off

to do some corporate training
with the CEO for a couple days.

I'm sorry, Todd.
Will you shut up?

Uh, Linda, I was wondering
since you do have experience

at being the boss,
maybe you could handle

anything that came up?

Oh, sure, Todd.

I relish the opportunity to do the job

I did for a decade
before you replaced me.

Great, and we can "ketchup"
when I get back.

'Cause you had said "relish,"
so I, uh, decided to do "ketchup."

- Okay.
- Linda, this is your chance to get Todd

out of here and regain power.

I mean, in two days, we can
make this company so rich

they'll have to put you
back in charge,

and then you'll be a man again,

and we can try some stuff
I've been curious about.

I suppose if we make some big
sales that would impress the CEO.

Hey, that's not
a bad idea, Zorn.

Hey, screw you.
Oh, wait, hold on.

"Not a bad idea."
Not... a bad...

Okay, so it's... so a good idea.
You think it's a good idea.

Gosh, you're pretty.

♪ Layla ♪

♪ Going to prom with you
would make my day-la ♪

- # Everyone stop ca-calling me gay... #
- Please, stop.

Sorry. It is, like, almost
impossible to write a song

around the name Layla, so...

Hey.
Gather around, gather around.

Okay.
Uh, are you gonna answer?

'Cause it's kind of awkward here.

You know, you care way too much
about what people think.

Oh, man, I can't wait until...

she's-she's definitely
gonna say yes.

Can't wait to hear that yes.

She said no.
Uh, she hates me.

- I called that.
- So, I think I'm gonna

- look into changing schools.
- Wait, Alan.

- I'm gonna go talk to him.
- Oh, poor Alan.

Nobody should be sad
on their prom night.

In fact, that was my first royal
decree when I was prom king.

Wait, hold on.
Proms have kings and queens?

That's just like Zephyria.

Or like it would have been
if Vulchazor hadn't just

wiped out the entire royal line
at the... wait, focus, Zorn.

Come on, keep your head
in the parenting game, man.

- Come on, come on...
- Oh, hey, I got it!

What if we helped Alangulon
become this, uh, King of Prom?

Yeah, you know, if Alan was king,
I bet Layla would

realize how great he is
and get back with him.

So, you and me,
father and stepfather,

mortal enemies since
the dawn of time,

will team up to make a king.

Sweet Pippa Middleton,
we are halfway to a royal wedding.

To King Alangulon, Son of Zorn,
Ruler of Prom

and the Gymnasium
Where Prom... Is Gonna Be Held!

I don't think Layla is ever
gonna like me again.

She thinks all I care about
is being popular.

What on earth would give her the
idea that you could be popular?

- Uh...
- I'm sorry.

I just didn't think being cool
was ever on your radar.

Yeah, I didn't want to be popular.

It just happened and I guess
I just sort of enjoyed it.

Mm, I know that feeling.
One time I was at a party,

and I took what I thought
was an aspirin

and it was not an aspirin,
but I liked it.

Like... I really liked it.

You know what,
maybe I need to show Layla

how much I don't care
about popularity.

- Hmm.
- How do I do that?

Alan, do I look like someone
who's ever been unpopular?

All righty, the first step
to making a king

is eliminating all
of Alangulon's competition,

which means we just have to kill
every other male in his school.

The surprise is the best part.
I was extra shocked when I won,

considering that I went
to high school with Matt Damon.

Oh, this is so much easier in Zephyria!

You know,
after you murder your rivals,

you just fill out a king
application, then you do two

rounds of interviews with the
council of elders. Boom, boom.

Yeah, well, Fullerton Hills High
doesn't have a council of elders,

but they do have
a prom committee,

and they're always looking
for, uh, parents to volunteer.

Maybe I could get us some info.

Who would have thought
a real dad, a stepdad,

- working in perfect harm...
- Synchronicity.

- Synchron...
- Sync-rmony.

- Harmony.
- Synchronicity.

Hmm, which crown would look best
on King Alangulon?

- Eh, probably this little tiny one on the right.
- Zorn!

Why are you on
CustomCrownDepot.zef?

We're supposed to be
selling soap today.

I mean, other days, too,
but especially today.

Oh, I was, uh, kind of
on a whole prom thing,

but honestly, even if I was
going to help, what would I do?

I know squat about soap.

Hell, they don't even
have soap in Zephyria,

and now I have to find people
to buy soap,

which everyone already has,

even though I'm from a place
that nobody has soap.

So, I mean, you know.
What?

Why are you staring at me?

Zorn!
Oh, thank goodness!

Our prayers have been answered!

We could really use
your help here, old friend.

Vulchazor, and his army of
glombeasts have us pinned down.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, it sounds like

a pretty fierce battle going on there.

- Oh, thank you.
- You know, I wish I could

defend you from Vulchazor,
but I left that world behind.

- What?
- What I can defend you from

is blood-caked floors.

- Huh?
- Nothing removes that greasy residue

like our industrial
foaming scrub.

Now available in...

- lavender breeze.
- No, no, no, no, soap?

Zorn, we-we are
South Zephyrian mud people.

Soap would literally kill us.

Oh. Uh, well, um...

Oh, wait a second.
I see what you're doing Zorn.

You're going to hide
inside the soap boxes

and sneak attack Vulchazor.
Oh, very smart.

Um... yeah! Yes.

Yeah, I mean, that's exactly
what I'm gonna do.

Smart. Yes. Very smart.

A-And you know,
the-the more soap you buy,

the better our chances are
at pulling this off.

Yes.

Hey, and we should probably
just go ahead

and set up
a recurring monthly order.

You know, to really throw
Vulchazor off the trail.

Brilliant idea!

Just get a bird to fly
an invoice here. Ta-ta!

We're saved!

Hey.

- Yeah!
- Yeah, uh...

That's on me.

Yeah, you know.

I mean, I always knew
you were a sex machine.

- I had no idea you were a sales machine.
- Oh.

Zorn, we got big problems
with the prom committee.

Her name is Shannon, she's 17,

and she's got a black belt
in hurting my feelings.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, but did you ask her
if Alangulon can be prom king?

Yeah, I did, and she was like,

"Uh, why would I do that?"

And I was like, "Because everybody
deserves a chance, Shannon."

And she was like, "Uh, yeah.
Nice cardigan, black Flanders."

And I was like, "That is mean
and racist, Shannon."

So, anyways, I don't think
it's gonna happen.

Ugh. This would be so easy
if I had my Zephyrian stuff.

You know I'd just walk up
to Shannon, cut off her head,

put a zombie parasite
in her neck hole,

sew her head back on,
and then command

Parasite Shannon
to make Alangulon king.

Yeah, life's not that easy, I guess.
Case in point,

look at this walking stick splinter.

Oh, I'm an idiot. Of course.
We still have the Staff of Quiv!

I mean, that's like a zombie
parasite without all the pesky,

decapitating
and, uh, recapitating.

To reiterate,
we cannot kill anyone.

No. We don't need to.
We can use the Staff of Quiv

to make everyone vote for Alangulon.

Oh, and then maybe we can
use it to sell soap.

Not now, Linda.
This is important. It's prom.

I donated the Staff of Quiv
to Goodwill.

- You what?!
- Edie, that walking stick

was a real conversation starter
on my power-walking route.

I'm sorry, Craig, but sometimes
we have to give away

the things we love because
they control people's minds.

And Zorn, why do you want it?

I thought you'd given up
all things Zephyrian.

I... have.

I was just testing you
to see if you also gave up all,

you know, uh,
Zephyrian magic items.

And you passed, so uh, mazel tov!
Hey Craig, buddy,

can I talk to you
outside real quick?

- Yeah, sure.
- Come on!

- This is not good, Zorn.
- No, I know.

The Staff of Quiv
is far too powerful

to be sitting on the shelf
of some thrift store.

I mean, if it falls
into the wrong hands,

it could be the end of Zephyria.

And I'm under pressure from
the prom committee to deliver

perfect place settings, and
Jessica won't because she's all,

"Shannon will hate anything
we do, so why bother?"

And they both refuse
to accept the fact

- that we're way over budget.
- Oh! No, right.

Right, right, right.
No, The prom needs money.

That's, that's
what's important here.

I'll tell you exactly
what I told Shannon.

Proms are not free,
and my arms are a perfectly

- normal length for my body type.
- Oh! Wait a second.

I happen to know
of a company that recently

came into a lot of money.

Luxury foam hand soap,

antibacterial foam hand soap

and instant hand sanitizer

in tropical, citrus spice

or fragrance-free.

I hope you learned a lot

about bathroom supplies
over the last 40 minutes.

And remember, don't be part
of the sanitation problem,

be part
of the Sanitation Solutions.

♪ Tonight, I can have some fun... ♪

Ugh, this is so tacky.

You guys are lucky I just got in
over my head borrowing money

from the prom fund and needed
a last minute bailout.

And hopefully you learned
a valuable lesson

about respecting other people,
and their body shape.

Shannon, for the record,
I love your sense of humor.

No, truly. Dry, it's cutting.
Don't ever change. Okay?

Now what do you say
we make Alangulon king?

Fine, I'll make your loser son
prom king. All hail Alvin.

Well, this should prove
I don't care what people think.

Hey, everybody!
My mom is my prom date everyone.

- Okay, give me... give me a kiss.
- Yeah yeah.

Oh yeah. Perfect.

There's Layla.

Oh, oh, oh.
Hey hey.

- What?
- You have a smudge.

I'm not saying that
to embarrass you.

You actually have a smudge.

This is good.
Yeah.

Uh, Layla.

Hey, is that Layla?

Yeah, I forget, is it,
uh, the cool new thing

to have your mom
as your prom date?

I don't know, Alan.

Isn't wanting to be cool
kind of your thing.

Yeah, look at me.
I'm just the coolest guy here.

Right? Super cool guy.

- Is that a smile I detect?
- Maybe. Hey, Mrs. B.

What's the matter, you couldn't
get another guy to ask you out?

Well, that was promising.

Unless you think

she's actually jealous
because I'm such a good catch?

- No, you're my mom, remember?
- Yeah.

- Yeah.
- That's right. That's right. Ooh.

- Yeah. I like that.
- Yeah, do that. Keep it up.

- She's my mom. Yeah.
- What? What!

- I'm kidding.
- She's crazy.

I'm kidding.

Formal Zorn on the horn.

Zorn... Gosh.
Funny you should mention horns.

We just got our payment
in from Zephyria.

Hey, that's great.

I told you Zephyrians
are too dumb to commit fraud.

Yeah, and they're also too dumb
to use actual money.

They paid us
in 20 Zephyrian goats.

And there was a note attached
to one of the goats' horns.

It says "Help us, Zorn,
you're our only hope."

And it's covered in bloody
child-size fingerprints.

Oh. So you didn't
specify PayPal, huh?

- No.
- Um, hey.

We'll talk about that later.
Okay, bye.

So pretty.

Go on!

- Edie. What are you doing here?
- I'm Alan's prom mom.

- We're gonna make it a new thing.
- Nope.

But we did come up
with a plan to win Layla back.

I just have to convince her the last
thing I want to do is be popular.

Um, y-you don't want Layla
to think you're popular?

Hey, you know what?
This prom sucks.

I say we get out of here,
you know...

All right, let's get this, uh,
prom king stuff rolling,

because my friends are doing
all my drugs right now.

No, no, no, no. Shut up.

- Psst! Stop.
- Anyway, uh...

- Shut up. Shut up, lady.
- I guess it's Alan.

- Son of Zorn, or whatever.
- # Simply the best #

No. Oh, no. That...
That's not me.

- That's a mistake, no.
- # Better than all the rest #

- What are you kidding...
- Are you kidding me? That's not right.

There's got to be,
like, a mistake here.

Oh... Layla?
# Better than anyone #

Hey, hey, hey!

Girl that Alangulan likes
whose name I forget. Wait, okay?

I promise, he's a loser.
He's bad at everything.

In fact, when he was a baby
he would cry after his own farts

'cause they scared him.

♪ I hang on every word you say... ♪

Layla, please, stop!

Whoa, okay, I don't like
any of this.

I don't even want to
be up here. I don't.

Trust me, I don't want him
up here, either.

I just did it because his weird
dad and his sidekick made me.

Ooh, cool! I guess I am
kind of your sidekick.

Hey, Layla.
Look, okay,

you are smart,
and funny, and beautiful,

and you take care of your sister
and your depressed mom.

And you still find time
to do those awesome collages

about all your family issues,
and okay, I don't care

what anyone here thinks
about me except for you.

I don't even care
about this stupid crown.

Ugh! My eye!

Boo! You totally missed
his other eye!

Okay, uh, do I need to continue
this social suicide?

- No, no, you're good. Come on.
- # Simply the best #

- Yeah.
- # Better than all the rest... #

I don't care.
Boo!

I got these, uh, flowers for you.
Huh? You can have them.

- Thank you.
- Those are roses.

No, no, no. Alangulon please,
wait... I never talked to you

about the birds and the bees
and your two penises!

I mean, I don't know
if you have an uppy-downy

or a side-by-side?

Hey, thanks for giving me
so many chances.

Sorry about the whole
prom thing, and...

and the football thing.

And that whole thing in
the hallway, with the...

It's okay. You're kind of
a dick when you get popular.

But it's, like,
what are the chances

of that happening again?

You're right.

It's way better
with the goats watching.

Hey, Todd.
You're, uh, you're back already?

Yeah, I cut my training short
when accounting notified me

of a $10,000 expense!

Well, I mean, you know, we don't
know anything about that.

Do we, Linda?

Really? Because the memo
on the P.O. says,

"Zorn's kid's prom.
Eat a fat one, Todd!"

- Yeah.
- If it helps, Todd,

my son got laid last night.
Can't put a price on that.

Well, I mean you could,
but that'd be weird.

And you are the boss now.
So, in a lot of ways,

this is really a reflection
of your abilities as a leader.

You're right.
I-I'm responsible now.

And I failed. There's only
one honorable thing left to do.

Todd, you're fired, buddy.

It's been an honor serving you, sir.

Okay.

Psst. How long do you think
until he notices the goats?

From Washington,
I'm Lakshmi Singh.

Its been six weeks since
Vulchazor's surge in Zephyria.

Accounts of torture, looting,

and insane cackling
have been reported.

There still has been
no sign of the man

- Zephyrians call their defen...
- So hey, where's Alangulon?

Oh, he's at the doctor.

I assume it has something to do
with the goat meat you gave us.

Oh, please, the odds of
a person getting sick

from the same strain of
hepatitis those goats died from

are astronomical, okay?

Mm. You know, Edie,
we married too soon.

Because I'm in love
with this Chablis!

Oh.

- Pretty good huh?
- Mm.

Cost 30 bucks. But hey.

I can afford it.
Because I am the boss again,

and I'm dating the head
of Sanitation Solutions

Zephyrian sales department.

Uh, I still don't
understand how you make

money when half of your
clients pay you with meat.

Yeah, but we
sell the goat meat

to the trolls who paid us
in cursed treasure.

Witches take the treasure,
give us back the curses,

which we sell to wizards
who pay us in bitcoin.

So simple, and yet,
the best plans always are.

Hey, Alan.

- Are you okay?
- Uh...

The doctor told me
something pretty crazy.

Evidently, I...

- am pregnant.
- You're pregnant?

- Get out of my house, you whore!
- Zorn! Sit down!

Uh, I'm sorry.
How? You are a boy, right?

What? Yes!
Yeah, I'm a...

Why does everyone always
ask that? Look, okay,

I'm just gonna tell
you what doctor Klorpins said.

This thing on my shoulder
is just an ingrown hair,

and...
that I'm pregnant.

You're 17!
You didn't use protection?

- What were you thinking?
- Yeah! Alangulan, what the hell?

You have shamed this family
for the last time.

Uh, Zorn. We're not angry.

Wait, we're not? Okay.
Got to be honest, Edie.

Kind of following your lead here.
I-I don't know what to do.

I'm sorry. Can someone please
explain what's happening here

to the one person who doesn't
know what the hell is going on?

Well, Linda, it's simple.

When a Zephyrian man
loves a woman,

sometimes one of the man's penises

sucks a woman's egg out of her
uterus into the man's he-womb,

where it is fertilized,
and then grows

inside the man
until it's big enough

to bite its way
out of the man's lower back.

And then, birds and bees swarm
the mess left on the ground.

Wait, what?
O-Okay, I got to sit down.

It's good thinking.
Use that lower back

while you still got it.

Alan. Alan...
your back is gonna be fine.

Everything's gonna be fine,

because we're gonna deal
with this as a family.

Oh, my God.
Layla....

she's gonna be a dad.

I guess I'm gonna be a grandpa.

We're gonna be gran-partners
in crime.

- I'm drunk.
- Yeah, yeah. Hey, you know what?

This celebration's missing something.

Right? Uh, balloons!

You guys stay here.
I'm gonna go get some.

Damn it.
Getting balloons was gonna be

my excuse to rush out of here.

Well, you've really done it, Zorn.

You got a great job,
a smoking girlfriend,

and now,
you're gonna be a grandpa.

Tell you what,
on occasions like this,

you just got to spring
for the custom balloons.

Hey! Whoa, Whoa!
Get off of me!

Who are you?
My balloons!

So everyone else thinks
Dad's coming back, right?

Of course he is.
Well, at least, he better.

We're watching Southern Charm
tonight, and I wait for no man.

I'm sure it's just taking
a long time to get balloons.

I'm gonna get dessert.

Whew, it's about time.

That sack smelled like the
inside of a sack I used to pee in.

God help you
if it was the same sack.

Oh, I assure you,
it's the same sack.

Vulchazor!

Tell me.
Where's the Staff of Quiv?

No, no, no!
I don't have it.

No, I'm out of the game!
I had a very successful garage sale!

- What? A garage sale?
- Yeah.

- Oh, that sounds very believable.
- No!

No, you... no, no.
You don't understand! My family!

- Uh-huh.
- Let me go!

You have to let me go!

I sell soap now!
Soap!

sync & correction by f1nc0
~ Addic7ed.com ~

Oh, it's genius!
Genius, I...