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1
00:01:16,080 --> 00:01:17,195
Hi, Al Bundy here.
2
00:01:18,560 --> 00:01:21,028
I got any income tax
refund and I wanna blow it all.
3
00:01:22,400 --> 00:01:25,676
How much for a subscription
to "Hot New Boats?"
4
00:01:27,080 --> 00:01:29,071
Gee, that's a little steep.
5
00:01:29,320 --> 00:01:31,914
You gonna have an issue
of "Hot New Hooters?"
6
00:01:33,720 --> 00:01:34,948
Hello?
7
00:01:35,440 --> 00:01:38,113
You know, Al, I know
how you could spend that refund.
8
00:01:38,360 --> 00:01:42,194
I saw this nice bonbon maker
on the Home Shopping Network.
9
00:01:42,440 --> 00:01:44,510
It would make my life a lot easier.
10
00:01:44,960 --> 00:01:48,839
Peg, if your life was any easier
you'd be in an urn in the garage.
11
00:01:50,360 --> 00:01:52,237
You know, you're gonna
change your tune...
12
00:01:52,440 --> 00:01:54,908
...when my homemade bonbons
go national.
13
00:01:55,160 --> 00:01:56,878
I've even got a slogan.
14
00:01:57,120 --> 00:01:59,680
"Put A Wanker In Your Mouth."
15
00:02:02,800 --> 00:02:05,997
No offense, but I wanted to use
my maiden name.
16
00:02:06,600 --> 00:02:08,238
Should use
your mother's maiden name.
17
00:02:08,440 --> 00:02:10,874
"Put An Entire Side of Beef
In Your Mouth."
18
00:02:12,720 --> 00:02:14,312
All right, Al, now close your eyes.
19
00:02:14,560 --> 00:02:18,712
I want you to tell me which one
of these bonbons you like better.
20
00:02:19,920 --> 00:02:22,957
Now, I'm not gonna tell you
which one is mine.
21
00:02:26,200 --> 00:02:29,397
- Not bad.
- Okay.
22
00:02:29,640 --> 00:02:31,596
Now...
23
00:02:32,200 --> 00:02:34,111
...this one.
24
00:02:54,080 --> 00:02:55,593
So, what do you think?
25
00:02:55,840 --> 00:02:57,273
Well, it's...
26
00:02:57,680 --> 00:02:59,591
...got a lot of tang.
27
00:03:00,160 --> 00:03:04,153
Well, it should.
I used a whole jar of it.
28
00:03:06,000 --> 00:03:09,470
All right now, Al.
Tell me what you think, and be honest.
29
00:03:09,720 --> 00:03:12,109
Don't quit your day couch, Peg.
30
00:03:13,440 --> 00:03:15,192
You suck.
31
00:03:15,440 --> 00:03:17,874
I'm gonna go find Marcie.
Get a woman's opinion.
32
00:03:18,120 --> 00:03:20,156
Why, does she know one?
33
00:03:22,240 --> 00:03:24,071
Hey, Al.
34
00:03:29,760 --> 00:03:32,957
- Look, I really need to talk to--
- Hey, Jefferson, come here a minute.
35
00:03:33,200 --> 00:03:36,795
I want you to try
one of my homemade bonbons.
36
00:03:37,040 --> 00:03:39,508
- Okay.
- Okay.
37
00:03:46,160 --> 00:03:47,798
Where is it?
38
00:03:48,120 --> 00:03:50,236
In this meteorite?
39
00:04:00,000 --> 00:04:01,718
Fruity.
40
00:04:01,960 --> 00:04:04,758
Light. It's the most delicious thing--
41
00:04:05,000 --> 00:04:07,036
Peg's gone.
42
00:04:13,400 --> 00:04:16,949
- What's new?
- Oh, Al, you gotta help me.
43
00:04:17,200 --> 00:04:19,031
I have done something terrible.
44
00:04:19,280 --> 00:04:21,874
I know. I was at the wedding.
45
00:04:22,920 --> 00:04:24,717
Not that.
46
00:04:24,920 --> 00:04:27,878
You know how Marcie's always saying
I'm irresponsible with money?
47
00:04:28,120 --> 00:04:30,554
You mean because you haven't
had a job in three years.
48
00:04:32,440 --> 00:04:37,036
Just because I'm a house-husband
doesn't mean I don't work.
49
00:04:39,680 --> 00:04:43,195
Excuse me, Mr. Jefferson,
I have ironed your socks.
50
00:04:43,440 --> 00:04:47,319
May I please have my five minutes
for lunch now?
51
00:04:48,560 --> 00:04:49,913
No.
52
00:04:51,080 --> 00:04:52,752
Thank you.
53
00:04:56,880 --> 00:04:59,440
Oh, I'm in real trouble, Al.
54
00:04:59,680 --> 00:05:03,116
See, I wanted to prove to Marcie
that I was good with money.
55
00:05:03,360 --> 00:05:08,229
So when her $3000 tax refund came in,
I took it and I invested it.
56
00:05:08,480 --> 00:05:09,708
In what?
57
00:05:09,960 --> 00:05:11,439
Clothes.
58
00:05:12,640 --> 00:05:15,438
Look, Al, I've only got
a couple of hundred left.
59
00:05:15,680 --> 00:05:18,592
I need a good solid 15-to-1 shot.
60
00:05:19,040 --> 00:05:20,393
Well, it's a 15-to-1 shot...
61
00:05:20,600 --> 00:05:23,876
...the next time I'm having sex
Peg will ruin it by walking in on me.
62
00:05:25,320 --> 00:05:28,278
No, not good enough.
I need a sure bet.
63
00:05:28,520 --> 00:05:30,715
Well, it's a sure bet
that this time next year...
64
00:05:30,920 --> 00:05:33,559
...Marcie will be a member
of the Hair Club For Men.
65
00:05:39,120 --> 00:05:40,712
Forget it. I'll just ask somebody...
66
00:05:40,920 --> 00:05:43,673
...who knows more about money
than a shoe salesman.
67
00:05:46,280 --> 00:05:48,271
Yo! Paper boy.
68
00:05:57,600 --> 00:06:00,592
Dad, I gotta ask you a question.
69
00:06:00,800 --> 00:06:04,031
Because we get horny
and don't have the sense to say no.
70
00:06:06,240 --> 00:06:09,471
No. Not that question, Dad.
71
00:06:09,720 --> 00:06:12,871
Well, that's the only one
I have an answer to, Son.
72
00:06:13,320 --> 00:06:16,198
Dad, why is life so unfair?
73
00:06:16,440 --> 00:06:18,431
I mean, I go to college
and get good grades.
74
00:06:18,680 --> 00:06:22,070
- Yes, you do, Son.
- I'm certainly good looking.
75
00:06:25,440 --> 00:06:28,238
Yet some imbecile football player,
with the I.Q. of Buck...
76
00:06:28,480 --> 00:06:30,311
...gets girls, while I get nothing.
77
00:06:30,560 --> 00:06:35,315
The secret of attracting the oppositesex is in the mutual sniffing of butt.
78
00:06:37,360 --> 00:06:39,396
Bud, let me tell you something.
79
00:06:39,640 --> 00:06:42,234
I was once that imbecile.
80
00:06:42,480 --> 00:06:45,836
I was once that football player.
81
00:06:46,080 --> 00:06:50,631
And if it makes you feel any better,
I am what becomes of them.
82
00:06:53,000 --> 00:06:57,596
They have jobs like mine, houses
like mine and children like mine.
83
00:06:58,720 --> 00:07:00,676
I am your revenge.
84
00:07:01,920 --> 00:07:04,434
So you'd trade places with me?
85
00:07:04,640 --> 00:07:05,868
Are you kidding?
86
00:07:09,760 --> 00:07:10,988
Well, I'm gonna get ready.
87
00:07:11,240 --> 00:07:14,152
Chad's gonna be here
in a few minutes to get tutored.
88
00:07:16,280 --> 00:07:20,114
The pig says, "Oink."
89
00:07:21,160 --> 00:07:23,230
Today is biology.
90
00:07:31,240 --> 00:07:33,310
Thank you, ladies.
Thank you, ladies.
91
00:07:33,560 --> 00:07:37,917
It's time for my lesson now,
but I'll be walking home in an hour.
92
00:07:43,400 --> 00:07:46,073
Don't you hate women hanging
all over you everywhere you go?
93
00:07:46,320 --> 00:07:48,880
Good thing we're at our sexual peak,
hey, buddy?
94
00:07:51,520 --> 00:07:53,158
Sure is.
95
00:07:57,360 --> 00:07:59,396
Chad Dowling.
96
00:07:59,880 --> 00:08:02,394
- Tremaine's All-Star quarterback.
- Yes, sir.
97
00:08:02,640 --> 00:08:04,517
Pleasure to meet you, son.
98
00:08:04,760 --> 00:08:05,988
Al Bundy.
99
00:08:06,240 --> 00:08:08,708
I hope you don't mind me
calling you "son."
100
00:08:08,960 --> 00:08:10,473
No offense...
101
00:08:12,720 --> 00:08:15,029
- Bud.
- Bud. Yeah.
102
00:08:17,000 --> 00:08:19,230
I'm sure my son here
has told you all about me.
103
00:08:19,440 --> 00:08:22,273
Al Bundy. Polk High.
Four touchdowns, one game.
104
00:08:22,600 --> 00:08:25,160
Actually, he told me
more about his real father.
105
00:08:25,400 --> 00:08:29,678
The green beret who got lost
in that recon mission over in Nam.
106
00:08:32,320 --> 00:08:37,917
Yeah, well, his real mother,
the late Totie Fields, took that hard.
107
00:08:38,400 --> 00:08:39,799
Took that real hard.
108
00:08:40,040 --> 00:08:43,430
Well, come on. Let's sit down, son.
Let's talk a little football.
109
00:08:43,720 --> 00:08:44,869
Excuse me, Dad.
110
00:08:45,080 --> 00:08:47,036
You know, Mr. Bundy,
if you're such a fan...
111
00:08:47,240 --> 00:08:49,800
...you ought to come
to our homecoming game this weekend.
112
00:08:50,000 --> 00:08:54,039
We're playing our traditional rival, the
Sonora Screaming Desert Tortoises.
113
00:08:54,840 --> 00:08:57,115
Hey, I hear they're tough this year.
114
00:08:57,360 --> 00:08:59,635
- We got a lot of work--
- You ought to be there.
115
00:08:59,880 --> 00:09:02,110
- We're gonna kill them.
- You're that good, huh?
116
00:09:02,360 --> 00:09:05,636
No. Probably shouldn't
tell you this...
117
00:09:05,880 --> 00:09:09,714
...but I just found out their quarterback
will be out on academic probation.
118
00:09:09,960 --> 00:09:13,873
Man, if we were allowed to cash in the
free cars the alumni gave us and bet...
119
00:09:14,120 --> 00:09:16,714
...I'd put the farm on this one.
120
00:09:17,400 --> 00:09:20,073
Especially before the word gets out.
121
00:09:24,480 --> 00:09:28,393
The cow says, "Moo."
122
00:09:29,720 --> 00:09:31,358
What is it, Al?
123
00:09:31,600 --> 00:09:32,828
- Jefferson?
- Yeah?
124
00:09:33,040 --> 00:09:35,713
- Look over there. You see that kid?
- Yeah.
125
00:09:35,960 --> 00:09:37,871
That's your 15-to-1 shot.
126
00:09:38,120 --> 00:09:43,672
If a cow says, "Moo,"
does a moose say, "Cow?"
127
00:09:48,440 --> 00:09:51,716
What am I betting,
that one day he'll sell shoes?
128
00:09:53,920 --> 00:09:56,514
That's Chad Dowling,
Tremaine's All-Star quarterback.
129
00:09:56,760 --> 00:09:59,149
He told me that the quarterback
for the opposing team...
130
00:09:59,400 --> 00:10:02,710
...is out on probation and won't play
in the big game on Saturday...
131
00:10:02,960 --> 00:10:05,679
...but the best part is...
132
00:10:05,920 --> 00:10:08,388
...nobody knows about it yet.
133
00:10:08,840 --> 00:10:10,353
Are you sure about this, Al?
134
00:10:10,600 --> 00:10:13,831
Because if you're not,
Marcie's gonna hurt me bad.
135
00:10:15,600 --> 00:10:22,039
Jefferson, do you think I would bet
my $17.34 tax refund if I wasn't sure?
136
00:10:22,280 --> 00:10:24,874
I don't know much,
but I know football.
137
00:10:25,560 --> 00:10:27,391
You're right on both counts.
138
00:10:27,640 --> 00:10:31,269
Oh, Al, you're the last friend
I've ever had.
139
00:10:31,520 --> 00:10:33,636
I gotta go call my bookie.
140
00:10:33,880 --> 00:10:36,553
Okay, Chad, look,
we covered a lot of ground today...
141
00:10:36,800 --> 00:10:38,472
...so just go home and get some rest.
142
00:10:38,680 --> 00:10:40,272
Yeah, I'm beat.
143
00:10:40,520 --> 00:10:42,988
It's like when you've had
so much sex you can barely--
144
00:10:43,240 --> 00:10:45,231
Just get out, okay?
145
00:10:46,880 --> 00:10:48,518
It was nice to meet you, Mr. Bundy.
146
00:10:48,760 --> 00:10:51,194
And by the way,
why didn't you ever play college ball?
147
00:10:51,440 --> 00:10:54,716
Well, that's a long, sad story, Chad.
148
00:10:54,960 --> 00:10:56,313
Excuse us.
149
00:10:58,720 --> 00:11:00,711
It was 20 years ago...
150
00:11:00,960 --> 00:11:03,155
...Polk High's big game.
151
00:11:03,400 --> 00:11:06,073
My girlfriend at the time--
Well, later became my wife...
152
00:11:06,320 --> 00:11:08,436
...but that's another tragic tale.
153
00:11:09,280 --> 00:11:12,431
--had this little habit of shouting at me
while I was in the game.
154
00:11:12,680 --> 00:11:15,353
Of course, I hated that, so of course,
she shouted at me...
155
00:11:15,600 --> 00:11:17,556
...one time
when a 300-pound linebacker...
156
00:11:17,800 --> 00:11:19,711
...was barreling down on me...
157
00:11:19,960 --> 00:11:23,396
...and when I came to,
I had two kids and was selling shoes.
158
00:11:23,920 --> 00:11:27,037
- Whoa, tough luck.
- Well, but I bounced right back.
159
00:11:27,280 --> 00:11:30,033
I mean, when I'm 65
I'll get the golden shoehorn.
160
00:11:30,280 --> 00:11:34,114
Which I can sharpen
and fall onto when I'm 66.
161
00:11:34,480 --> 00:11:38,712
So, what I'm trying to say, son,
is learn from my mistakes.
162
00:11:38,960 --> 00:11:41,952
Don't ever let a woman
take over your life.
163
00:11:42,200 --> 00:11:45,237
Oh, you don't have to worry
about me, Mr. Bundy.
164
00:11:45,480 --> 00:11:48,278
I'm way too young to fall in love.
165
00:11:48,840 --> 00:11:50,990
Hey, Daddy, guess what?
166
00:12:06,960 --> 00:12:08,996
Oh, pumpkin?
167
00:12:10,120 --> 00:12:12,076
Oh, Chad?
168
00:12:13,160 --> 00:12:14,991
Oh, no!
169
00:12:20,880 --> 00:12:24,429
So anyway, Marcie,
I just tripled a few of the ingredients.
170
00:12:24,680 --> 00:12:29,834
Well, actually, I tripled the sugar
and added a little bit more caffeine.
171
00:12:30,400 --> 00:12:32,960
So tell me,
do you think it's too much?
172
00:12:33,200 --> 00:12:35,111
No, I think they're great.
Give me more.
173
00:12:35,360 --> 00:12:38,830
I don't care what the scientists say
about sugar, they lie. I hate them all.
174
00:12:40,080 --> 00:12:42,071
Al's home. I hate you.
Welcome home, Al.
175
00:12:42,320 --> 00:12:44,038
How was your day?
I've had a great day.
176
00:12:44,240 --> 00:12:46,800
Haven't got my tax refund.
It'll come soon. Gonna be big.
177
00:12:47,040 --> 00:12:49,998
Have you tasted Peggy's bonbons?
I wonder what's on TV tonight.
178
00:12:50,200 --> 00:12:53,192
It's Sunday. Oh, no, Carlin's on.
Al's home. Hi, Al.
179
00:13:01,440 --> 00:13:04,830
Who put the battery
in the Energizer Chicken?
180
00:13:06,440 --> 00:13:11,116
Gee, maybe I made this batch
a tad too sweet.
181
00:13:11,360 --> 00:13:13,316
Here, Buck, what do you think?
182
00:13:13,560 --> 00:13:15,869
Peg, have you seen Kelly and Chad?
183
00:13:16,120 --> 00:13:17,633
Yeah. They went to the zoo.
184
00:13:17,880 --> 00:13:19,836
Yeah, but I heard
he missed practice today.
185
00:13:20,080 --> 00:13:22,913
- So?
- So? Peg, don't you understand...
186
00:13:23,160 --> 00:13:24,388
...if Chad doesn't--
187
00:13:29,000 --> 00:13:32,675
You know, it's not gonna be
a pretty sight when she crashes.
188
00:13:34,000 --> 00:13:35,228
Or when he does.
189
00:13:35,480 --> 00:13:38,836
I'm gonna kill them. I'm gonna waituntil they're asleep, then kill them.
190
00:13:39,040 --> 00:13:42,794
Then I'm gonna eat them. Kill them,eat them, then bury their bones.
191
00:13:43,760 --> 00:13:45,193
I knew this would happen.
192
00:13:45,440 --> 00:13:48,557
Kelly's making it hard for Chad
to concentrate on the game.
193
00:13:48,800 --> 00:13:52,031
Relax, Al.
They're just a couple of kids in love.
194
00:13:52,280 --> 00:13:54,669
They remind me of us
when we were that age.
195
00:13:54,920 --> 00:13:57,593
That's exactly why
I have to put a stop to it.
196
00:14:01,880 --> 00:14:05,793
I used to have such pretty hair.
197
00:14:06,040 --> 00:14:10,477
Where, oh, where is my pretty hair?
198
00:14:12,680 --> 00:14:14,193
I'm getting old.
199
00:14:14,440 --> 00:14:17,989
I knew it when I stoppedlifting my leg to pee.
200
00:14:19,880 --> 00:14:22,997
My God, I'm peeing right now.
201
00:14:29,240 --> 00:14:33,552
Help me, bonbon lady,
please help me.
202
00:14:33,800 --> 00:14:36,075
Oh, come on, Marcie.
203
00:14:36,320 --> 00:14:38,311
Maybe shopping
will make you feel better.
204
00:14:38,560 --> 00:14:42,439
Well, it would
if my income tax would come.
205
00:14:42,680 --> 00:14:47,037
By the way, do you know
that your dog is wetting the floor?
206
00:14:47,280 --> 00:14:52,274
Yeah, but in his defense,
at least he wasn't aiming for the toilet.
207
00:14:55,080 --> 00:14:58,516
You know, I feel really good
about this biology exam.
208
00:14:58,760 --> 00:15:02,833
I mean, with all this knowledge
of animals, maybe I'll be a veteran.
209
00:15:05,960 --> 00:15:07,518
It's not "veteran."
210
00:15:07,760 --> 00:15:09,910
It's "vegetarian."
211
00:15:12,040 --> 00:15:15,032
God, you're smart.
212
00:15:15,360 --> 00:15:17,635
God, you're wonderful.
213
00:15:17,880 --> 00:15:19,438
I have to go upstairs for a minute.
214
00:15:19,680 --> 00:15:21,557
Daddy, will you entertain
Chad for me?
215
00:15:21,800 --> 00:15:23,836
Certainly, pumpkin.
216
00:15:26,000 --> 00:15:30,596
- She's beautiful, isn't she?
- Yes, she certainly is.
217
00:15:30,840 --> 00:15:33,434
What do you think
you're doing, Chad?
218
00:15:33,840 --> 00:15:35,637
You missed football practice today.
219
00:15:35,880 --> 00:15:37,438
There was practice today?
220
00:15:37,680 --> 00:15:39,557
Man, time just stops
when I'm with Kelly.
221
00:15:40,240 --> 00:15:42,549
Chad, you do not want Kelly.
222
00:15:42,800 --> 00:15:46,839
From the moment she was conceived
she's ruined men's lives.
223
00:15:47,600 --> 00:15:51,513
All men.
Swaggart, Bakker, Kennedy...
224
00:15:52,240 --> 00:15:54,470
...Kennedy, Kennedy...
225
00:15:56,120 --> 00:15:58,190
...Swaggart again.
226
00:15:58,600 --> 00:16:01,273
- Please don't make me relive this.
- But, Mr. Bundy...
227
00:16:01,520 --> 00:16:03,192
...Kelly is very special to me.
228
00:16:03,440 --> 00:16:06,193
And it's not just a physical thing.
229
00:16:06,440 --> 00:16:08,795
Well, it's mostly physical.
230
00:16:09,280 --> 00:16:10,713
Listen to me, Chad.
231
00:16:10,960 --> 00:16:16,034
You must forget about Kelly
and concentrate on the game.
232
00:16:16,280 --> 00:16:17,759
Chad?
233
00:16:20,720 --> 00:16:22,597
Chad?
234
00:16:23,840 --> 00:16:26,832
If I was younger and didn't
have a 20-pound bonbon in my belly...
235
00:16:27,080 --> 00:16:28,957
...I'd play that game myself.
236
00:16:29,200 --> 00:16:31,191
What game?
237
00:16:33,600 --> 00:16:36,910
- Hi, Chad.
- Hi, Kelly.
238
00:16:46,880 --> 00:16:48,711
I missed you so much.
239
00:16:48,960 --> 00:16:50,393
I'll never leave you again.
240
00:16:50,640 --> 00:16:53,200
Oh, except when I have to go
to the bathroom.
241
00:16:53,440 --> 00:16:56,432
- Oh, Kelly.
- Oh, Chad.
242
00:17:07,080 --> 00:17:10,436
So I'm out $17.34.
243
00:17:10,680 --> 00:17:13,558
So I'll just take it
from the register tomorrow.
244
00:17:14,840 --> 00:17:17,035
Al, you're the greatest.
245
00:17:17,280 --> 00:17:19,840
When I told my bookie
this inside information...
246
00:17:20,080 --> 00:17:23,117
...he bet a hundred grand
of his own money.
247
00:17:23,720 --> 00:17:27,190
Even the jukebox guys are in on it.
248
00:17:27,840 --> 00:17:32,960
With their 500 grand,
my 200 and your $17.34...
249
00:17:33,200 --> 00:17:35,077
...we're gonna make a killing.
250
00:17:35,320 --> 00:17:37,993
You're gonna be a hero, Al.
251
00:17:38,240 --> 00:17:40,515
You're gonna be kibble, Al.
252
00:17:42,000 --> 00:17:45,549
Now, pumpkin, I want you to know
that I'm very fond of Chad...
253
00:17:45,800 --> 00:17:49,270
...and I know that you're very happy
with him...
254
00:17:49,600 --> 00:17:53,070
...but I think maybe it's time
you started seeing other guys.
255
00:17:53,320 --> 00:17:56,835
Daddy, I do see other guys.
256
00:17:58,120 --> 00:18:02,079
They're everywhere. I see them driving,
I see them walking, at the park.
257
00:18:02,320 --> 00:18:04,675
Pumpkin!
That's not what Daddy meant.
258
00:18:04,920 --> 00:18:10,199
I meant, I think it's time you
started to date other guys.
259
00:18:10,440 --> 00:18:13,113
Daddy, I am mature enough
to make my own decisions.
260
00:18:13,360 --> 00:18:15,430
You do anything to stand
between me and Chad...
261
00:18:15,640 --> 00:18:17,756
...I am gonna hold my breast
until I turn blue.
262
00:18:17,960 --> 00:18:19,871
Okay.
263
00:18:21,160 --> 00:18:22,434
Okay, okay.
264
00:18:22,680 --> 00:18:26,912
If Chad is what you want,
I will not stand in your way.
265
00:18:29,440 --> 00:18:34,309
I said if Chad is what you want,
I will not stand in your way.
266
00:18:41,120 --> 00:18:43,475
Well, glory be...
267
00:18:43,720 --> 00:18:47,952
...pumpkin, look,
it's your old boyfriend, Stab Wound.
268
00:18:49,520 --> 00:18:51,909
Hey, Stab,
well, what are you doing here?
269
00:18:52,160 --> 00:18:54,071
Well, you called, and--
270
00:18:55,040 --> 00:18:57,554
How long has it been, Stab?
About five years?
271
00:18:57,800 --> 00:19:00,997
- Three. Good behavior.
- Come on in here.
272
00:19:01,240 --> 00:19:04,994
Kelly, you remember Stab Wound,
don't you?
273
00:19:07,760 --> 00:19:10,320
Say hello, Kelly.
274
00:19:17,760 --> 00:19:19,876
- Get out.
- Okay.
275
00:19:22,360 --> 00:19:24,635
Well, that was 20 bucks well spent.
276
00:19:25,640 --> 00:19:28,438
All right, look, pumpkin,
I'm gonna level with you.
277
00:19:28,680 --> 00:19:30,477
At tomorrow's game...
278
00:19:30,720 --> 00:19:33,917
...there's gonna be some very powerful
men who will not breathe easy...
279
00:19:34,160 --> 00:19:35,718
...until Chad wins the game.
280
00:19:36,840 --> 00:19:41,197
Well, maybe if they used both nostrils
they'd breathe easier in the first place.
281
00:19:41,960 --> 00:19:46,476
Pumpkin, do you wanna go trolling
in Lake Michigan for your Daddy?
282
00:19:46,720 --> 00:19:48,312
- No.
- All right.
283
00:19:48,560 --> 00:19:51,518
Then you have to make sure
that Chad's team wins.
284
00:19:51,760 --> 00:19:54,593
Understand? Chad's team has to win.
285
00:19:57,800 --> 00:19:59,233
Gin. I win again.
286
00:19:59,480 --> 00:20:02,790
Yeah, this sure beats the hell
out of having sex.
287
00:20:03,040 --> 00:20:04,678
Well, I better get off to the game.
288
00:20:04,920 --> 00:20:06,797
How about a kiss goodbye?
289
00:20:07,200 --> 00:20:11,193
No sugar
until after you win the game.
290
00:20:18,560 --> 00:20:21,597
- Right after?
- Right after.
291
00:20:21,840 --> 00:20:25,150
Man, I'm gonna smoke that team.
292
00:20:27,200 --> 00:20:28,758
Oh, wait, I almost forgot.
293
00:20:29,000 --> 00:20:31,434
I have a good-luck charm for you.
Daddy, is it okay?
294
00:20:31,680 --> 00:20:34,513
- It's fine, pumpkin.
- Oh, good. Come on.
295
00:20:37,120 --> 00:20:40,874
Now, wait here. It's a surprise.
296
00:20:42,040 --> 00:20:43,473
I gotta hand it to you, Al.
297
00:20:43,720 --> 00:20:45,597
Now I'm gonna be able
to prove to Marcie...
298
00:20:45,800 --> 00:20:48,189
...that I am financially responsible.
299
00:20:48,440 --> 00:20:50,351
- Where is Marcie?
- In jail.
300
00:20:50,600 --> 00:20:54,798
She slapped an IRS agent
for not giving her a refund cheque.
301
00:20:55,680 --> 00:20:59,753
- Okay, here it is.
- This is your good-luck charm?
302
00:21:00,000 --> 00:21:01,319
Yeah. His name is Skittles.
303
00:21:01,560 --> 00:21:04,472
And as long as he's near you
nothing bad can happen to you.
304
00:21:04,720 --> 00:21:05,948
Here.
305
00:21:07,640 --> 00:21:08,789
Wait...
306
00:21:09,000 --> 00:21:10,638
...the pig is my good-luck charm.
307
00:21:10,880 --> 00:21:13,110
That's my evil giraffe, Gonzar!
308
00:21:16,320 --> 00:21:19,118
Chad! Chad!
309
00:21:19,360 --> 00:21:22,397
- Say something, Chad!
- I think I broke my arm.
310
00:21:22,640 --> 00:21:24,915
Say something else.
311
00:21:25,160 --> 00:21:27,151
I know I broke my arm.
312
00:21:27,400 --> 00:21:29,516
Al! The bet!
313
00:21:29,760 --> 00:21:31,990
What are we gonna do?
314
00:21:38,720 --> 00:21:41,632
And that's the final score.The Tremaine Jacksons: 56.
315
00:21:41,880 --> 00:21:44,633
The Sonora ScreamingDesert Tortoises: 3.
316
00:21:44,880 --> 00:21:48,350
We did it! We did it! I'm rich.
317
00:21:48,600 --> 00:21:51,239
How about that performancefrom the Windy City Condoms'...
318
00:21:51,440 --> 00:21:54,352
...player of the game,the quarterback, Chad Dowling?
319
00:21:55,800 --> 00:21:58,075
Chad, come on over here, buddy.
Let me talk to you.
320
00:21:58,800 --> 00:22:03,237
Now, you threw for five touchdown
passes, you ran for two more...
321
00:22:03,480 --> 00:22:05,198
...you set a new collegiate record.
322
00:22:05,440 --> 00:22:07,954
Tell me, what are you gonna do now?
- Well...
323
00:22:08,200 --> 00:22:10,760
...I'm going to Disneyland.
25422
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