All language subtitles for Cuckoo - 04x05 - Walkabout.MTB.English.C.orig.Addic7ed.com

Where am I?

Hello?

Hello?

Anyone?

- Synced and corrected by chamallow -
- www.addic7ed.com -

Morning, Sandeep. Morning!

New hair, Karen? Lovely.

I love the smell of law in the morning.

- Ken.
- Jane.

- What's going on?
- I don't know.

What do you think is going on?

I think you've come into
the office ignoring the fact

that you've been suspended,

hoping we'll let it go out of some sense

- of British awkwardness.
- Right.

Well, you're way off.

You are in serious danger of
losing your job permanently.

- No, you are.
- Look, I really think...

Can this wait?

I've actually got quite a lot
to be getting on with, so...

No. You really don't.

No-one likes you, Jane.

Everyone says so round the water cooler.

Ken, you've left me with no choice.

I'm calling a board meeting
for 4pm to decide your future.

You have ten minutes to plead your case.

Then I will see you in court.

It won't be in court.

- It's in the boardroom.
- It's a turn of phrase, Jane.

Told you it wouldn't work.

It was your idea.

Go in there with your
head held high, you said.

No-one will question your
natural authority, you said.

I even took a packed lunch.

I didn't think you were
actually going to do it!

Now I have to go back in at
4pm today and beg for my job.

A disgraced lawyer, dodging former
colleagues in the supermarket,

before ending up glued to his
sofa in a soiled man nappy.

I'm so sorry, love.

But... if you've got
nothing to do till four,

how about you take the car back?

- What?!
- Well, you said yourself,

the monthly payments are killing you.

And now you don't have a job.

I might still have a job!

Yeah, but it's looking a bit shaky.

Ken, it's a little
excessive: the hands-free,

the onboard computer you
don't know how to use,

the snazzy cup-holder.

Isn't it all a bit midlife crisis?

No. A Volvo XC90 is not a midlife crisis

and I do know how to use that computer,

I just need some more practice!

Lorna, I didn't get a Vespa,
I'm having a bloody cup-holder.

- All right, Mum, you ready?
- Yep!

Fucking hell, dressed by 11?

You must've raced
through your morning dump.

You can be high and
mighty with me, young man,

when you're doing
something more virtuous

than flogging phones to morons.

Erm, I think you mean
valuable customers, dad.

No, if they're buying a phone
off of you, they're a moron.

Well, at least I'm
bringing home the bacon.

Tell you what,

treat yourself to something nice.

- Bye, love.
- Oh, he thinks he's won.

You think you've won! Well, you haven't.

I've got your �20 and I will
buy myself something nice.

Prick.

- Oh, that's weird.
- What's weird, Chief Ken?

Rachel hasn't made her
move on Words With Friends.

Must be still reeling from my
crippling deployment of zygote

- on a triple point score.
- She's not reeling.

She's just got no
reception in the Pennines.

- In the Pennines?
- Yeah.

- It's a mountain range.
- I know what the Pennines are, Dale.

- Why is Rachel there?
- Because I put her there.

It's the closest place to
the outback I could find.

What? It's nothing like the outback.

Nowhere in the UK is like the outback.

Well, I mean there are parts
of Kent, but my point is,

why have you stranded my daughter
in the outback... The Pennines?

For a walkabout.

When aborigines search for answers,

they strand themselves in the outback.

So, are you saying that... ?

OK, start from the beginning.

It's pretty simple, Ken. So,
Rachel said she needed more space

to think about her path in life,
so, I found the place in England

with the most space there is.

And then I deserted her there!

Please, tell me, with
food and water and...

- Nope. With nothing!
- Oh, my God.

Hi, it's Rachel, sorry, I can't
get to the phone right now,

please leave a...

Great! So now I have to go and
rescue Rachel from the Pennines

and you've picked the
day where I have a meeting

to decide the fate of my career.

Oh, come on, Ken. I
couldn't have predicted that.

Let's face it, you haven't
had a lot of meetings recently.

Get in the car!

Oh, come on!

Come on.

Oh, fucking...

Dylan.

You promised me this had full coverage.

What the... ?

Rachel. If you're listening to this,

it means you've found the
Walkman and pressed Play.

And had the headphones
when you did that. Kudos.

You said you wanted
space so I gave it to you.

But I also gave you much more.

A double-sided cassette
and my voice covering topics

like spiritual lessons I've
learned to keep you company

as you find your way back to me.

So, keep listening.

The aborigines...

... using the mucus
from a kangaroo pouch!

But, it was only ever in his mind.

"That's not a knife, this is a knife."

But when you are lost, Rachel,

you need to give
yourself to the universe

and the universe will provide salvation.

It may come in a strange form...

a form you didn't expect.

Like the form of a spirit guide.

You just need to reach
your hand out and grab it.

Oh, thank God I found you.

I'm lost. Can you help me, please?

Fuckin' hell.

This was supposed to be
getting away from it all.

Two days I've got in the past
five years just to be on my own.

No kids, no terrapins, no sex
addiction therapy sessions.

What's that?

It's my Kendal Mint Cake
and, no, you can't have any.

Please.

Fine, if you really are lost...

... I shall be your guide.

But only to the car park of the A515.

Oh, this is great, Chief Ken,
just two guys on the open highway.

We're not on the highway, Dale.

We're on the A515.

I mean, what the hell were you thinking?

I was just following your advice, Ken.

How's any of this got
anything to do with me?

You were the one who told me I
need to grow up so I started to do

what you do: watch documentaries
on BBC Four all day.

And that's where I learned
about the aborigines.

Pretty easy to connect the dots, Ken.

Nothing here connects, Dale.

Hey, I'm just trying to help.

Oh, really? Well, if you
want to do something to help,

tell me what hill she's on,
I'll enter it into the sat nav.

I don't know, Ken,
there are a lot of hills.

I mean, the outback
is a pretty big place.

The Pennines is not the outback!

That kind of depends
on your point of view.

No, it depends on geography.

When you think about it,
aren't we all just geographers?

Oh, for God's sake.

- I can fix it.
- Just leave it.

- I can fix it.
- Just bloody leave it.

Stop!

Oh. Wait.

- What?
- You want to be helpful?

- Yes.
- Get the iPad out of the back, use that app,

maybe we can track her phone.

Oh, yes, brilliant, Chief Ken.

You are a huge man with a huge brain.

All right.

Come on, come on.

Yep, I found her!

- OK.
- And she's close.

She's on the A515.

OK, good, we're on the A515.

- Heading north.
- All right.

OK. We're heading north.

Dale, which junction is she off?

Er, she's just passing junction 17.

OK. Do you think there is a chance
that you're tracking that iPad?

No.

- Yes, I have done that.
- Right.

Well, I'm going to have to do something

I never thought I would do.

- Run that 5K?
- No, I'm going to do that.

No, I'm going to call
Dylan and ask for his help.

Computer, call Dylan.

Phone Dylan!

- Fuck...
- Please repeat name...

Dylan. Phone DYLAN!

Phone Dylan. Dylan Thomp-SON.

Playing popular songs by Chumbawamba.

Fuck it!

Are you, like, a real person, right?

My tape said something
about spirit guides,

and I know you're not a
real spirit guide, but...

... I'm having boyfriend troubles,

and I just wondered if you could,

you know, while we're here, Debbie,

just tell me what to do with my life.

I'm NOT a spirit guide.

I'm just a lone woman
wandering the hills

who found you in the mist
in your moment of need.

And I'm aware that what I just said

makes me sound like a
spirit guide, but I'm not.

So, can you just be quiet for

at least the rest of the
time we spend together?

Hello, Phone For Now, how can... ?

Dylan, it's Dad. I'm ringing
from the hands-free in the car.

- Is that supposed to impress me or something?
- Well, frankly, yes.

Listen, Dale has stranded
your sister in the wilderness

for reasons that are
impossible to fathom.

What, like a sort of walkabout?

Exactly!

You sold her a phone, right?

Yeah, you bet I did.

Totally rinsed her. We
call it the mug package.

Right. I'm not sure you should
be quite so proud of that.

Says you. They let me ring the big bell.

Look, can you locate her phone?

Defo. But that's a service I can
only really offer a customer...

or, as you might say, a moron.

Right...

We do have some amazing
packages, Mr Thompson.

OK, what's the cheapest
contract you've got?

�12.99 a month, but
unfortunately we're out of stock.

Oh, sounds like your phones are
really flying off the shelves.

Don't encourage him!

We do, however, have
our top phone in stock.

That's just �50 a month
with a small upfront charge

of just �89.99.

Just find your sister's phone.

No problem. Just hold the
line for one second, please.

Sorry about that, Mr Thompson.

It looks like Rachel's phone is...

... out of reception. I'll let
you know when she comes online.

Right. So, this whole thing was
just one giant waste of money.

Not for me. Just made
salesmen of the week.

Computer, hang up immediately!

You know, sometimes I
really hate my own son.

- I can still hear you, Dad.
- Good!

Oh! Finally.

Oh.

- Nina?
- Oh, Rachel, finally.

Are you in a wind tunnel?

No, it's a bad line.

Oh, OK. Look, well, look,
a job's come up, a real one,

with hungry kids and
buckets and everything.

Just exactly what you wanted.

And, like, the kids are
really, really hungry.

Oh, that sounds amazing!

- Where is it?
- Um, it's in Sierra Nevada.

Or Leone.

I forget. The African one.

I'm going to need an answer
pretty soon, because...

Nina? Nina, I can't hear you.

I'll call you back.

- _
- "Zygote". Oh, Dad, you monster!

Fuck.

Jane, board members...

... I can only apologise
for my behaviour.

It does not reflect who I am.

Those of you who know me best
will know me as a good man,

and someone who should have
won lawyer of the year, but...

- Dingo!
- Dale, it's another sheep!

- And I'm trying to rehearse my speech here.
- Sorry, Chief Ken.

You're just not really
holding my attention.

God, you are more like your
father than you realise.

- Did he like dingoes too?
- Oh, please, listen.

You are intending to marry my daughter,

a fact that through some elaborate
form of Stockholm syndrome

I've come to accept. But,
for the sake of my sanity,

I need to know that you can hold
a normal conversation with me,

your potential father-in-law.

So, please. No dingoes, no walkabout.

Just talk to me like a human being.

OK. This is going to be exciting!

- OK.
- What are we going to talk about?

Well... Did you watch the rugby?

- You lost me, Ken.
- Oh, Jesus Christ.

Oh, at last... Dylan.

Computer, answer the phone.

- The outside temperature is five degrees.
- I'll do it myself!

Dad? Rachel must have walked
through some reception.

I can tell you where she is.

Thank you. Some good news.

- Where is she?
- I said I CAN tell you. I didn't say I WOULD tell you.

You little rat.

How much is this going to cost me?

It's just an extra �15 a month,

and I'll throw in a
free Pokemon phone case.

- Oh, cool!
- This is highway robbery!

- A515 robbery.
- Shut up, Dale.

Right, so I'll send over Rachel's
location in a dropped pin.

You can open that on your
inboard sat nav, right?

Yes. Yes, of course I can.

Let's see, um...

Airbag disabled.

Ha! You massive twat!

It is a bit weird.

I met you, now I've
been offered this job.

Do you think the universe is
trying to tell me something?

But, if it is, it's telling me
to leave the man of my dreams.

And do I really want to do that?

You know what I think?

Your choices in life,
they don't really matter.

- Really?
- Yeah.

I'm never going to see you again.
I don't give a shit what you do!

That is not nice!

Must be here... Settings...

Map...

Oh, maybe it's this one.

- Oh, no, that's the car seat!
- OK.

Wow! HE LAUGHS

It goes backwards and forwards
with the touch of a button.

- Oh, my God.
- Back, forwards, back...

- Uh-oh. It's stopped working.
- Oh, well done!

There.

Oh, no. Jesus Christ!

- What?
- She's the other side of the Pennines!

I'm never going to make the meeting now.

And we need petrol.

Oh, God. That's it, it's over.

- Jane is going to jump on this like a...
- Dingo?

No, not like a dingo!

I'm going to be out on the street.

I mean, this is a spacious car,
but will it house an entire family?

Oh, God. I'm sweating.

- I'm shaky!
- That's your massage seat, Ken.

I'm going to die. I'm going to die
in a petrol station on the A515.

I need to get some air.

Chief Ken, take a deep breath, OK?

We got this. We can find
Rachel and make it back in time

for your meeting if we multitask.

I'll do the gas, you go inside. Get
yourself a nice relaxing pasty, OK?

I'm not going to be
placated by a pasty, Dale.

The idea that hot steak and potato
chunks surrounded by delicious,

flaky pastry are going
to make things better.

Honestly!

Yeah, I might get a pasty, actually.

- Yeah.
- Oh, and I'm going to use Dylan's 20 to do it!

- All right!
- Yeah!

If there's one final
piece of advice, Rachel,

it's that koala milk, while
tempting, will drive you...

Sid, if you're listening
to this, it means I'm dead.

It's probably because of zombies.

Hit it, Dylan!

Would you please just
give me a bit of that?

- No.
- I am lost, OK?

Here, but also here.

And whether you like it or not,
destiny has chucked us together...

Will you just give me a break?

Rachel, I want you to take this.

Chuck it in the bin, will you?

But I still don't
understand why it stopped.

I mean, I put so much diesel in it.

OK. I can see you're upset, Ken,
but I was only trying to help.

Like you tried to help Rachel by
stranding her in the wilderness.

And you helped Sid by
cutting off his foreskin.

And you encouraged me to
have that pasty that you knew

I'd eat too quickly and
give myself indigestion!

OK, I put my hands in the air, Ken.

I've made mistakes, OK?

I promise you, I will learn from them,

and I will never make
the same mistake twice.

No, you'll probably make
new ones and outdo yourself.

Look, Dale, you're a nice bloke,

but that means you get away with a lot.

And sometimes, honestly,

I can't help but wonder if
you're not just a bloody idiot!

Oh, not that.

I can't bear that.

Dale, not the bottom lip.

Oh, don't cry. Look, I didn't mean it.

It's not what you said, Chief Ken.

It's that you're right.

I AM an idiot.

And I'm not worthy of Rachel.

- And if she does live through this...
- She's going to live through this.

I'm going to tell her, if I'm
stupid enough to put diesel

in your petrol car, then
we shouldn't get married.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. It's
an easy mistake to make, son.

Anybody could've made it.

Don't go breaking up over this, lads.

- What?!
- Listen.

I've been married 34
years, and I can tell you,

happiness is a hard thing to come by,

especially for a man of
your age and... shape,

with a lovely young lad like
this, as beautiful as he is.

- Thank you.
- Hold on to it.

Don't let it go over
a tankful of diesel!

- Is the car fixed?
- Good as new.

You know the cup-holder's broken?

I know the cup-holder's broken!

- You have arrived at your destination.
- Finally!

Rachel!

Rachel!

Oi! Oi!

She's over there!

Rach, I'm SO sorry.

You bloody should be!

I needed time to think, not some kind of

non-consensual Duke of Edinburgh.

It's like Chief Ken says, I'm
not really good at anything,

except maybe capoeira.

So totally batshit, Dale.

But...

... it WAS good to have some space.

Really good, actually.

- I'm really glad you're safe, love.
- Thank you.

Well, actually, you've got
someone to thank for that.

A stranger who I weirdly thought
was a spirit guide for a while.

Guys, I'd like you to meet...

Right. Can we get on the road?!

One hour till the meeting.
I think we can make it

if I put this thing into sports mode.

_

- Oh!
- Oh, my God!

What the fuck?!

Oh, my God. Oh, my God!

- I can't believe what happened.
- This is the man of your dreams?!

Oh! Ow!

It's 5:30, they're probably
all in the Baker's Arms by now.

Jane, it's Ken.

- Listen...
- Where on Earth are you?

- We're all waiting.
- Yeah, I know.

Look, you've probably realised by now

I'm not going to make the meeting.

I am so, so sorry.

Actually, I'm not sorry.

I'm... sorry.

You see, my daughter was in danger,

and I made a choice to
prioritise my family.

And I take those principles
to work every day,

and I represent the
underdog, the working man.

You dog, Jane.

I know you think I hate you.

I hate you.

I don't hate you.

I hate you.

So, please, let's start anew...

... and work together to build
a firm where we all want to be.

Good day to you.

A firm... F-you.

I motion we finally fire Ken Thompson.

Seconded.

Approved.

Goodbye, Ken.

- Baker's Arms?
- Yes.

Well, if that doesn't
do it, nothing will.

- Synced and corrected by chamallow -
- www.addic7ed.com -