Original subtitles

Hello, Titchy.

Hello. What's that wheelie thing you've got there?

What? Is that one of your motorcars?

Yeah. It's a Mercedes Benz.

Is that what it is?

Here. Can I have a turn at it?

All right.

Here, what's this string for?

That's the steering.

Will you put your feet up there?

Yeah. Right.

And that's the brake.

I don't need no brake.

How do you make it go faster?

Come on, we'll give him a push. Push? Why do I need it?

Oh, better.

That's more like it.

Stop!

It took me a whole month to make that, and now look at it.

Well, this still works, doesn't it?

There you are, Mr. Crosby.

Can I get you a nice cushion for your back, Mr. Cromer? No, thank you. Very

good, Your Worship.

Can I get you on a nice cup of tea? No, thank you.

Hot milk, perhaps?

With a sprinkle of cinnamon, maybe? Oh, I'm terribly sorry, Mr. Cromer, sir.

Only trying to be of service. Service qualified.

Now, hear me.

I do not need a valet. Now, sit here and don't move.

I am expecting Wurzel Gummidge any moment. You will be returning with him

field to resume your scarecrow duties.

Now, will you please stop interrupting me?

And try to update my ledges.

That glasshouse posting has thoroughly spoiled you.

Good day to you, Mr. Crowman, sir. I understand you want to see me.

Ah, yes, Wurzel. Now, I want you to take Bulbous Cauliflower here through his

paces. He seems to have forgotten his scarecrow duties.

Take him to Dilworth Paddock.

Dilworth Paddock?

But it's so exposed.

I'll either get a chill or not. Follow me, cauliflower.

Barber, stop arguing with the crow man.

Come on, follow me.

Oh, it's mainly the omniscient upset.

thing you do is get hold of your scarecrow pole and you grab it into the

like this here, see?

And then you twist it around.

Right, try it on for size.

That's it. Oh, it's uncomfortable.

There's a knot of wood sticking into my back.

Well, it ain't a blooming armchair, is it?

Nor is it supposed to be.

Now, there's another thing you've got to remember.

And that is, you've got to keep your eyes and your ears open all the time,

see, because them dang little birdies is crafty little blighters, and they'll

take advantage of you quick as nitrous.

Let's pretend there's a flock of starlings flying overhead, see?

Right, you get them in your sights, and then you start waving your arms up and

down, and you're jumping up and down, and you're hollering and shouting and

screaming, fit to bust your brain, see?

Right, I'll give you an idea how it goes.

off the out on the throat.

Go away.

You're not supposed to be here.

Go away.

Please.

Stone the crows.

Let's check on Wurzel.

Right. Let's try again.

Now, the flock of starlings has ignored your shouting and your hollering, and

it's clear that larger measures must be taken.

Right, so this is what you do.

You put your hands in your potluck, and you take out a potluck, like this here,

a big one.

Always carries one or three in the potluck in case of convergence.

See? Right, now, you take the aim, and you take a good aim, and you... Right,

right, there. Go on, you try.

target, Mr. Gummett.

Did you hit the target?

Did you hit the target?

More.

Let's pretend that you're a little bird.

Your Honor. He can't chuck, he can't holler, and he can't even stay on his

Yes, I can.

Yes, yes, all right, you two.

And he ain't got no pride in his job, neither. Not like what I had. Yes, I

too. I said, all right.

Now, Bogus, I've had some time to look into your case, and I've found you a

posting that would suit you nicely.

Farmer Jackson is out of town for a few days, and he wants a scarecrow to keep

the birds away from his strawberry patch.

A lovely, sunny spot, sheltered from the wind, and the work isn't too demanding.

Is it under glass, Your Honour?

No, Bulbous. It's outdoor work.

If he don't want the job, Mr. Crowmancer, I'll have it. I've got

interest in strawberry fudgy.

Come along, Bulbous.

There you are, Bulbous.

Suits you very nicely. You've got no complaints now. Summer's on its way. In

few days in the open air, I'll put some nice colour in your cheeks.

You shall come back and check up on me tomorrow, won't you, Mr.

Cromanthorpe? No, not tomorrow, no, Bulbous. But I will call by in a few

see how you're doing. Oh, cheer up. You'll be all right.

Oh, that's all right, Bobby Dazzler, isn't it? Can I have a go?

No, fear. Not this time.

Oh, go on. We's friends, ain't we?

Maybe I's a first -rate racing driver.

I know.

What do you reckon, Marnie?

Okay, then.

I don't know why Farmer Jackson wants to use that strong insecticide on

strawberries. Well, he had a lot of trouble with woolly caterpillar last

and he wants to make sure he doesn't have the same trouble this summer.

Fair enough, I suppose.

All clear?

Yep, no animals. Just an old scarecrow. Right then, let's get started.

Bulbous? Bulbous Collie?

Here. Why didn't you answer me when I called you?

Oh, I'm not well.

I'm ill and I'm in pain.

What are you bellyaching about? This is the oddest work we've had the last 12,

10 months or more.

Oh!

Oh! Well, happy bum's whizzled.

Oh, you is ill.

You're spottier than a beetroot with the blight. I ache.

I ache all over.

You haven't been eating any of them green strobes, have you? Because green

strobes does terrible things to your stomach.

You want to start waiting until they're ripe before you start scuzzling them. I

ain't eating nothing.

And I don't feel like eating nothing neither.

Oh, for a nice warm bed and a hot water buckle.

Yeah, I'll go and tell the crow man that you're a bit under the weather. He'll

see that you're soon doctored up. Oh, hurry, Mr Gummidge, hurry.

I don't think I can stand up much longer. Me legs is all jelly -fied.

Yeah, well, you stay here and have a nice rest. And I'll be back quicker than

duck can shake his watsit.

Yes, Wirtle, what is it?

I beg your pardon, Mr. Crowmancer, but I've got something very urgent to

And being the conscientious scarecrow that I is, I thought that I'd... Get on

with it, Wurzel. Yes, Mr. Crowmancer, but it's Bulbous Cauliflower, you see.

He's been titled very poorly.

In fact, I don't think he's up to mind in that strawberry patch at all.

Wurzel, I am thoroughly sick of hearing about Bulbous Cauliflower and his

complaints, and moreover...

If you think I'm going to be taken in with your little schemes, you are

seriously mistaken.

Under no circumstances will you be replacing Bulbous at that strawberry

now or at any future date.

Mr. Cromancer, he's got spotivitis.

His face has gone all red. If his face has gone all red, it's because it's the

first time in a year or so he's seen a bit of sun.

I don't think it's the sunburn, your suspiciousness. It's more like he's

My patience is fast running out.

Now, I have already told Bobus I will be seeing him in a couple of days. Now,

get back to Dilworth, Paddock, and stay there. Let's have no more of your silly

games.

Well, go on.

It ain't right for me to be standing here while poor old Bulbous is in such a

state.

It's the duty of a scarecrow to help another scarecrow out.

He ain't much of a scarecrow, I'll admit, but a scarecrow he is

All right, Bulbous, here I come.

Hello, Bulbous.

How you feeling?

Hey.

Come on, wake up.

It's me, it's worth it.

I'll beg.

I'll beg.

I'll beg.

Oh, you've been and caught some horrible nastiness.

And it's snuffed the life out of you.

Poor old Bulbous.

Gold.

You was one of the... Finest scarecrows I ever had the pleasure of bird scaring

with.

I'm going to take my leave of you now, Bulbous.

And say goodbye to you.

In a proper scarecrow fashion.

Come on, you.

Bulbous Cauliflower, good morning.

Party man, you back in your... Who's this?

Bulbous!

Bulbous, where are you?

Who's this?

Come out, you cowardly, cowardly gusty!

What are you doing with the late Bulbous Cauliflower?

I can't look.

Dang, nice and tidy.

Come out wherever you is.

G'day, Mr. Gummidge.

Bulbous. I got a present for you.

What is it?

Green slop.

That's nice.

What did you do that for?

Because I felt like it. I'll tell the crow man on you. Crow man, crow man.

A fig for the crow man.

That's heresy, daddy. You'll be for the age up now, all right. Heresy nothing.

You just watch this.

Just put that spade down or you'll be in

serious trouble.

Go on. Back to your nanny. Back to the crow man.

It's a crow man.

It's a crow man.

Mr. Crowman.

He's not there, Wes. We passed him on the road half an hour ago.

What's up anyway?

Where's that there bulbous cauliflower?

He's gone clean up his trolley up at Jackson's Farm.

He's jumping about and stamping up and down and insulting everybody.

He's bonkers. You'll have to give me a hand before he gets into real trouble.

Come on, follow me.

You come down from there.

You's a criminal, and we've come to take you in. Oh, you have, have you?

Well, you'll have to catch me first.

Are you all right, Weasel?

Oh, sure, yeah, I'm lovely. Just haven't had half a ton of potatoes poured on

me, Ed.

Don't just stand around there. Give me a hand up.

One, two, three.

What are you doing in here?

This ain't Bulbous Collie at all. That's Percy.

I'm a Jackson's prize poker.

He's a friend of mine. I know him well.

What you doing here, Percy?

There's a horse in the kitchen.

There's a cow in the hall.

That'll be Bulbous Collie, sir.

Isn't that all the animals lose?

What do you think of the new occupants, Mr. Gummidge? After all them years in

the barn, I thought they deserved the best class of accommodation.

You've really done it this time, Bulbous. He's making for the barn. Come

Get out of here.

G'day. Didn't expect to see you here till tomorrow.

No, we did Jackson's strawberry patch yesterday.

Still don't know why we used DDT.

Seems like over till today. DDT?

Great heaven.

Bulbous!

I should have listened to Wurzel!

All right, Bulbous.

We know you're in there.

Give yourself up before you get into any more trouble.

Who's going in first?

Wurzel? No, I don't think that's a very good idea.

I'll stay guard outside.

You two go in first.

Coward. Come on, we'll all go in together.

It's a good idea.

I don't know what you're doing. If we don't stop this at once, the Cromwell

have no choice but to chuck you on the composting. Oh, shut up.

You know your trouble, Wurzel.

You talk too much.

Now, I expect you three are wondering what I'm going to do with you. Well, the

fact is, I've got a wonderful surprise in store for you.

He's going to blow us all up.

Oh, no!

single most irresponsible piece of behavior I have ever witnessed.

Yeah, it wasn't my fault, Mr. Crowman.

It were him, Bob. I know who it was, Wurzel.

No hope from

them, Mr. Crowman.

And whatsoever, Wurzel.

This has been poisoned.

be permanently damaged, there's nothing I can do.

And it's the compost we play.

Albus?

Not the compost heap, Your Honor.

Anything but that. Sorry, Bulbous, there is no alternative.

Your condition is irreversible.

I'll come right to you, Rhonda, if you give me a chance.

No, I'm sorry, Bulbous. I'm afraid I must ask you to climb in.

Oh,

for pity's sake, Aunt Mercy. I said in you go.

Where's she at?

He's going to rot in there, isn't he, Mr. Crowman?

Yes, Worsham.

Nasty.

With a very thought of it, it makes me feel all whoopsie.

Oh!

A nice cup of tea, my friend.

And a slice of cake, Mr. Crowman.

Yes, Worsham.

That too.

Mr. Crowman, who's that new head going to be for?

I'll be calling now, sir.

Then you ain't going to let him rot in the compost heap, you're all merciful.

No, sir.

You've just been teaching him a lesson, haven't you? Yes, sir.

Because of Malibu's cauliflower's unseemly behavior.

I was already creating a new head for him before he got sprayed with that

chemical.

We'll leave him out there for a few moments to learn his lesson.

Then, we'll invite him in for tea.

I'll fit him up against your head.

Hey, Mr. Grumman, shall I save him a bit of my cake?

That's very generous of you, Wurzel.

Why don't you get him a cup of tea ready, and I'll go and bring the poor

Hello, Mr. Crowman.

Ain't the lovely day?

Here we are, Bulbous, me old friend.

I saved a nice bit of me cake for you.