Original subtitles

How was I supposed to get in this sleep with that blooming racket going on?

This noisy nose is making the old building shake.

Shut up!

Shut up, Darren!

I haven't been to tear that in 20 years since I left America and found myself my

very own claim here in New Zealand.

20 years, now won't we stay that now?

Especially by an ornery, no -good vomit like yourself that looks like... Looks

like... What do you look like?

Of course, I have been said that I look like haybags, a turnipy -headed pot

plant, horses' dinners, and even ignorant aces.

Oh, if Beyoncé is very good at saying what old Wurzel looks like, I reckon

that's one of the reasons I love her so much. Yeah, anyhow, stop staring.

Stop staring!

Could do with a trim.

I'm begging your pardon, Mr. Thurston, but what are you doing up now?

I'm just pancing myself up, aren't I?

I've got some business to take care of.

I'm an important fellow.

The only one left in these here parts.

The town don't run by itself.

Well, seeing as I am so busy, I'll make myself scared. You ain't going nowhere.

You're going to stay here and fix me some riddles.

Yes, Mr.

Thurston. I'll fix you up some riddles straight away.

I said fix me some riddles. Yeah, them too. I can make all kinds.

Pickle riddles, riddle riddles, riddle riddles.

Shut up!

All right, now, get your butt over here.

Now,

I figure you ain't got too much up top, so I'm going to take this real slow.

First, you take some of this here flour.

All right.

Then, a bit of this here soap.

Yep. Then, a couple of these here eggs.

And a splash or two of water.

What's that?

That's pancakes you're making. And what old Wurzel don't know about making

pancakes ain't worth knowing.

So there's no need to go on telling me about it unless you want to hear the

sound of your own voice, that is.

Are you taking the Michael out of me, Twiggy? Me, sir? No, sir. Because I

take kindly to folks taking fun out of me, right?

Comprehend, A .C.? Comprehend.

No, I don't want to go in there.

Just do it!

Do it! Do it!

Told you.

He can't leave.

He wouldn't be the same without him.

And what's going to happen to Wurzel down that hole?

Yeah, he must help Wurzel. He must.

Mustn't he?

You're not.

No, you.

Who is it? It's us.

Who's us?

Mickey and Manu.

Very well, come in.

Can I be of service?

I'm sure you're fine, Mr. Cronin.

Do you wish to purchase the premises?

You can't leave Pewocka Wocka, Mr. Cronin. You can't. I'm afraid Pewocka

has forced me to leave it.

It has turned me from a respectable craftsman to an utterly useless member

society.

Now, I shall pack my meagre possessions and depart.

You walk and walk for places unknown by the time the day is over.

I don't wish anyone to know of this yet.

Mr. Croman?

Yes, Mickey? What about Wurzel?

What about Wurzel?

Did he not tell me yesterday that he had fallen into a hole in the earth?

Yes.

You expect me to climb in after him?

Good gracious.

I'd cave in again at any moment.

Sorry to say it, children, but... Virgil Gummidge is finished.

Mr. Crowman!

Virgil Gummidge serves nobody when he puts the lives of human beings in

Understand? Yes, Mr. Crowman.

Virgil Gummidge was not a perfect scarecrow by any means.

But he had a certain charm.

We shall all miss him.

But he must not grieve forever.

Pick up the pieces and get on with our lives.

All right, Mickey.

Mickey? A funeral!

We must have a scarecrow funeral for Wurzel. He would have wanted it that

Scarecrow funeral?

I haven't conducted a full scarecrow funeral for years.

Very high quality flour, that is, isn't it?

Add a little bit of that.

A little bit more.

And a bit more.

Now then,

mix it up a bit.

That's all I have to do. Get me a spoon and fill me plate.

Don't touch that!

Why not?

It ain't even cooked yet. You don't have to cook it.

Do I have to do everything myself?

Twenty years I've been on my own.

I should have known better than to trust anyone but myself to fix my vittles.

Flame -jumping no -good Teutonic bastard.

I, uh, I bet you never tasted nothing like them before.

But, Chewie... I got the perfect

pair of bites for a poor old scarecrow. We'll miss out on last night's dinner

and the dinner before that, would you? Back in the acorn, you stinky vomit!

Okay, uh, Wizzle, or whatever your name is, I've done some thinking and got me

an announcement to make, so listen up.

You are now working for me.

That's right, boy.

You is.

And what's more, right now.

But ain't you never heard this character can't work with an empty stomach?

You can work with an empty head, you can work with an empty stomach. Now move,

boy.

Now, watch closely, Wizzle.

You get the shingle like that, see?

And then you pan off the shingle like this, see?

And all you're left with is... Well, didn't get any that time,

but what's supposed to be in there is little bits of gold.

Gold? Gold, Wizzle.

It's the greatest thing that God ever thought to make.

Excuse me, Mr. Martin.

What's this there gold look like?

Well...

It'll look like this.

Oh, well, I'll be bummed, Swizzle. That looks just like that flowery stuff in

your kitchen.

Tastes just like it, you know.

Get your finger out of that gold.

It ain't for eating.

If it ain't for eating, what's it for, then? Well, it's for... It's for... It's

for having, that bot. Shut up.

Get on with it, like I showed you.

Yes, sir. Mr. Mines.

What's the matter now?

Eat me tooties. They're freezing.

Just get on with it.

Come on, Dr.

Jack. Where are they?

They're in there somewhere.

Come on.

gold, isn't it?

It's just a bit of yellow rock.

Ah,

the captain we were looking for.

Yes, it seems we have all we require except for one scarecrow brass band, 24

black umbrellas and a horse -drawn catafalque.

The bailiff of P. Walker Walker.

One moment.

Do come in.

Just so long as you don't chuck me out like you did last time.

Morning, children.

Hello. Good morning.

I believe you have something for me, Mr.

Crowman. I do?

Oh, yes, yes, yes, of course I do.

Very good.

However... Busy as I am getting my affairs in order, you will appreciate it

I say that I have not had time to settle my accounts, and I am even now still

calculating the size and nature of my income.

I see.

And when will I see an example of this income, Mr. Croman?

Shall we see tomorrow?

I'll come back this afternoon.

funeral at once.

Oh, very good children.

Place them in the catapult.

Yes, well, they will have to do.

What about the sacred tomb?

Yes, well, I couldn't locate any of those, but I do have one of the common O

'Garden variety.

Finally.

Thank you. Thanks.

The scarecrow brass band would have been a bit ostentatious.

And I think we agree that Wurzel's funeral should be like his life.

It's humble and unusual.

Now I do believe that we're ready to journey towards the peaceful resting

of Wurzel.

How's that lump in your bonce getting on?

Consider yourself lucky I got a forgiving nature, boy.

Where's me going, then, you forgive me?

Just shut up and keep moving.

You got some blasting to do.

Dang near blew me turnip head off that one day.

Comes with not wearing me blasting head.

That's if I've got a blasting head, which I don't think I have.

for a snack.

Oh, here, look at that.

Oh, a yummy peppermint stick.

No good. Cheap whizz -backs.

Them rocks didn't budge an inch. Anyway, this time, I've used twice as much

dynamite. Wouldn't be surprised if the whole mountain didn't come down.

Okay, Wizzle, keep your head down. There's going to be a red devil of a

Yeah, well, I only hope this will be the last one.

All this blood. Put me off me dinner.

Okay, Wizzle.

Wizzle! There's no need to shout.

Listen up.

Dynamite didn't go off like we're supposed to. Now you gotta go and check

out. Me?

Oh, no, thank you very much.

Wurzel ain't no good at checking nitomite. Move, boy!

Let's see

if

old Wurzel knows anything about checking nitomite.

No, he doesn't.

Two loose wires look a bit arsatory, eh?

Yeah, reckon I'll take them back to Mr. Miner.

Here I am again, Mr.

Dancer.

What are you doing with those detonator wires? They're supposed to be stuck in

the dynamite. We say? Well, I thought... They're killing to me.

Want a job done proper, you got to do it yourself.

Well, go and do it yourself then, you big, black -haired gorilla.

Twenty years I've been on my own.

I should have known better than to try and team up with anybody except for

myself.

Well, I reckon while I was waiting, I never put my feet up for a moment or

three.

of sacred scarecrow powers vested in crow men.

We gather to commend Wurzel Hedrogammage to the earth from whence all his parts

first came and are now to be returned.

Wurzel's last possessions, if you please, Mickey.

I ask the earth to accept Virgil's possessions peacefully.

I ask you to accept them peacefully.

Apples for health, corn for pleasure, berries for happiness.

By the rain and the wind and all the seasons, I consign this twig.

To eternal peace.

Is that part of the ceremony?

I don't know. This is the best kinko funeral I've ever been to.

Pleasure.

No, no, of course not.

Listen to me.

I am all right.

Now, I want you to fetch a rope and let it down.

All right.

Yes, go quickly.

Let's go.

Yes, but before that, I suspect I have another task ahead of me.

See you two with that Cromo fella this morning?

Yes, but we can't take massive measures. See?

Well, you wait right here and I'll find out what's going on.

I said to wait here!

All right, we'll stand right here.

Keep quite still.

We don't want to take too much damage.

What were you pointing that bangstick at, old Wurzel?

Twenty years I lived alone, and meeting you proved to me why that was a good

idea.

Mr. Cromer, help me!

Say your last farewells, boys.

Good day.

Who are you?

Where'd you come from?

What you want?

Him.

Then it seems, sir, I have no choice but to add another notch to the handle of

this gun in my pocket, which has become a legend.

Well, sir?

Well, yourself.

Drawer! I'm as drawn as I ever shall be.

Oh, yes?

I got the idea you ain't got a gun under there at all.

And I have an idea that gun of yours isn't even loaded.

Is too.

I doubt it.

Then prove it.

Oh, no.

They're all after my gold.

I knew it.

He's just moving.

What are you doing there?

Quickly, Wendell, there is little time.

Follow me.

Gold! The gold!

It's mine!

And it's all mine!

Give me that!

Where are you taking it? Back where you belong!

What are you doing?

Nothing will make you leave this gold, Wendell. Nothing!

Go on, Mr.

Cromancer.

I

don't

know about anybody else, but I would describe that as a very close call of

I don't know about that, Mr. Cromancer, but it's given me a right old appetite

for it.

We thought we'd never see you again.

Oh, don't you worry about old Wurzel. He can look after himself.

Here, look what I made myself.

Keep my strength up. What is it?

What is it?

It's a pancake. That's what that is.

Let's give the first bite to the crow man, seeing as I was in what rescue

Here, Mr. Crow Man, have a nice bite.

Thank you, Worship.

Worship, where did you get this?

Oh, I made it, Your Worship.

In the prospectus house, from little bags what he had left lying around.

Goodness gracious me.

What do you mean?

This simple pancake could enable me to stay in Peawockawocka. There you are,

Crowman. These children led me quite a wild goose chase to find you. And now

I've found you, I demand full payment of all outstanding debts.

Say no more, Mr. Bailiff. All is well in Peawockawocka.

And there's a token of good things to come.

Here, have a bite of this delicious pancake.

Golden fried.

And let us celebrate our good fortune together, thanks to Wurzel Gummidge.

Thanks to Wurzel Gummidge.

And take note, Wurzel.

Wealth and money is like your precious food. Either too much or too little

causes trouble.

What did I was all talking about?

You will. You will.

nicely.