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1
00:00:01,802 --> 00:00:05,439
Back in the '80s,
I was a boy who put it all
on the line romantically.
2
00:00:05,439 --> 00:00:06,940
But now that I was
kind of an adult
3
00:00:06,940 --> 00:00:08,542
in kind of
an adult relationship,
4
00:00:08,542 --> 00:00:10,478
I didn't need to do
that stuff anymore.
5
00:00:10,478 --> 00:00:11,779
Nice ketchup work.
6
00:00:11,779 --> 00:00:13,747
You really know your way
around a bottle of red.
7
00:00:13,747 --> 00:00:16,184
Aww, look who knows
how to talk to a lady.
8
00:00:16,184 --> 00:00:18,186
I used to be a tad uncomfy
around the gals,
9
00:00:18,186 --> 00:00:20,254
but now complimenting
your condiment work
10
00:00:20,254 --> 00:00:21,355
is as easy as breathing.
11
00:00:21,355 --> 00:00:22,990
Don't you carry
an inhaler?
12
00:00:22,990 --> 00:00:24,192
You know it.
13
00:00:24,192 --> 00:00:26,460
You and ragweed take
my breath away, girl.
14
00:00:28,696 --> 00:00:31,299
Yep, I was on cloud nine.
15
00:00:31,299 --> 00:00:34,768
Every moment with Carmen
felt like
a fantastical dance number.
16
00:00:34,768 --> 00:00:37,037
♪ Ohhh, yeah ♪
17
00:00:39,140 --> 00:00:40,941
♪ Dance all night ♪
18
00:00:40,941 --> 00:00:42,943
♪ Never gonna stop ♪
19
00:00:42,943 --> 00:00:46,880
♪ We'll be groovin'
till the break of dawn ♪
20
00:00:46,880 --> 00:00:49,583
♪ Hey, dance all night ♪
21
00:00:50,718 --> 00:00:53,354
♪ Hey, dance all night ♪
22
00:00:56,257 --> 00:00:58,526
♪ Doo-doo-da da-da-doo ♪
23
00:00:58,526 --> 00:01:01,562
Goldnerd!
What the hell, bro?
24
00:01:01,562 --> 00:01:02,930
Stop getting freaky
with the mop.
25
00:01:02,930 --> 00:01:05,233
Sorry, I was in
a semi-fugue state
26
00:01:05,233 --> 00:01:06,567
dreaming about
my special lady.
27
00:01:06,567 --> 00:01:07,801
- Nancy Reagan?
- No.
28
00:01:07,801 --> 00:01:09,237
Poetess Maya Angelou?
29
00:01:09,237 --> 00:01:10,571
- What?
- Leslie Nielsen?
30
00:01:10,571 --> 00:01:12,173
It's Carmen,
my girlfriend!
31
00:01:12,173 --> 00:01:13,574
Yeah,
I don't think so, man.
32
00:01:13,574 --> 00:01:14,875
We're literally dating,
33
00:01:14,875 --> 00:01:17,010
and you think
white-haired actor
Leslie Nielsen
34
00:01:17,010 --> 00:01:18,979
is a more likely
romantic partner for me?
35
00:01:18,979 --> 00:01:20,648
Tennis legend
Billie Jean King?
36
00:01:20,648 --> 00:01:22,516
Yep, BJK.
You got me.
37
00:01:22,516 --> 00:01:25,219
It was useless-- I would
always be a romantic at heart.
38
00:01:25,219 --> 00:01:27,355
Which meant it was time
to celebrate our relationship,
39
00:01:27,355 --> 00:01:29,056
no matter
how small the reason.
40
00:01:29,056 --> 00:01:30,858
Oh, don't worry.
41
00:01:30,858 --> 00:01:32,860
I won't peek
at the special surprise
42
00:01:32,860 --> 00:01:34,728
someone's making
his mamaaaa!
43
00:01:34,728 --> 00:01:35,829
None of this is for you.
44
00:01:35,829 --> 00:01:36,930
And why would it be?
45
00:01:36,930 --> 00:01:38,532
Because it's Mother's Day.
46
00:01:38,532 --> 00:01:40,834
No, it's not.
It's a random Tuesday
in February.
47
00:01:40,834 --> 00:01:42,102
Well, every day
should be Mother's Day.
48
00:01:42,102 --> 00:01:44,037
We only created
the entire world.
49
00:01:44,037 --> 00:01:46,073
You certainly created
this awkward moment.
50
00:01:46,073 --> 00:01:47,575
- And these are for Carmen.
- Really?
51
00:01:47,575 --> 00:01:49,210
You're still seeing
that girl, huh?
52
00:01:49,210 --> 00:01:50,778
For the millionth time, yes.
53
00:01:50,778 --> 00:01:52,346
So what's it gonna be
this time?
54
00:01:52,346 --> 00:01:54,182
A standard "Say Anything"
boombox
55
00:01:54,182 --> 00:01:57,117
followed by a trellis climb
for a PG-rated smooch?
56
00:01:57,117 --> 00:01:59,253
You don't know
all my moves!
57
00:01:59,253 --> 00:02:00,921
But basically, yeah.
58
00:02:00,921 --> 00:02:03,524
- It's our
"one month-iversary."
- Month-iversary?
59
00:02:03,524 --> 00:02:05,459
Plus I rented a tux, and
I'm putting the final touches
60
00:02:05,459 --> 00:02:08,128
on a patented
Adam Goldberg mixtape!
Why are you crying?
61
00:02:08,128 --> 00:02:10,898
I just remember when you were
so teeny and innocent
62
00:02:10,898 --> 00:02:12,633
and didn't like
strange local women.
63
00:02:12,633 --> 00:02:14,268
I'm taking this upstairs.
64
00:02:16,937 --> 00:02:19,407
But I love you!
I've always loved you!
65
00:02:19,407 --> 00:02:21,141
Okay, how do you turn
this thing on from here?
66
00:02:22,910 --> 00:02:24,712
♪ I'm twisted up inside ♪
67
00:02:24,712 --> 00:02:27,615
♪ But nonetheless,
I feel the need to say ♪
68
00:02:30,718 --> 00:02:32,152
♪ I don't know the future ♪
69
00:02:32,152 --> 00:02:35,956
♪ But the past keeps getting
clearer every day ♪
70
00:02:35,956 --> 00:02:38,459
It was February 22nd,
1980-something,
71
00:02:38,459 --> 00:02:40,160
and Erica was preparing
to introduce
72
00:02:40,160 --> 00:02:42,095
the newest member
of the Goldbergs
73
00:02:42,095 --> 00:02:44,064
to the one person
who hadn't met her,
74
00:02:44,064 --> 00:02:46,234
Erica's best friend,
Lainey Lewis.
75
00:02:46,234 --> 00:02:47,635
Okay, I need
to get this right.
76
00:02:47,635 --> 00:02:50,304
With the hat
or without the hat?
77
00:02:50,304 --> 00:02:52,340
I think you're putting too much
emphasis on appearances, Erica.
78
00:02:52,340 --> 00:02:54,675
It's just been a while since
Lainey's come back from LA.
79
00:02:54,675 --> 00:02:56,510
I want our baby to make
a good impression.
80
00:02:56,510 --> 00:02:57,678
Get the tiny sunglasses.
81
00:02:57,678 --> 00:02:59,613
It's true, she's a fox.
82
00:02:59,613 --> 00:03:01,148
Good luck,
boys in 15 years.
83
00:03:01,148 --> 00:03:02,583
25 years!
84
00:03:02,583 --> 00:03:04,151
Or whenever.
I'm a chill dad.
85
00:03:04,151 --> 00:03:06,320
I'm just saying,
Lainey has a rock 'n roll life,
86
00:03:06,320 --> 00:03:08,456
and I'm a full-time mom.
87
00:03:08,456 --> 00:03:09,957
Our lives couldn't be
more different.
88
00:03:09,957 --> 00:03:12,793
Please, she's probably
wallowing in misery like you.
89
00:03:12,793 --> 00:03:14,828
Like me?
And why would she be wallowing?
90
00:03:14,828 --> 00:03:16,330
Because her spirit
has been crushed
91
00:03:16,330 --> 00:03:18,499
since Barry went back
to the girlfriend dealership
92
00:03:18,499 --> 00:03:20,167
and upgraded his model.
93
00:03:24,638 --> 00:03:27,140
- It's so great to see you!
- Oh, you, too!
94
00:03:27,140 --> 00:03:29,176
What a fun,
screechy reunion.
95
00:03:29,176 --> 00:03:31,879
I was not met with that level
of enthusiasm
96
00:03:31,879 --> 00:03:33,447
when I scooped her
at the airport
97
00:03:33,447 --> 00:03:34,948
in the dead center
of the work day.
98
00:03:34,948 --> 00:03:37,150
Yeah, Dad's here, too.
99
00:03:37,150 --> 00:03:38,519
Now where's that little beam
of sunshine?
100
00:03:38,519 --> 00:03:40,454
Auntie Lainey,
meet Muriel.
101
00:03:40,454 --> 00:03:42,122
Oh, my God.
102
00:03:42,122 --> 00:03:44,392
This is the cutest child
who ever walked the earth.
103
00:03:44,392 --> 00:03:45,893
Oh, she's actually
not walking yet.
104
00:03:45,893 --> 00:03:46,994
The doctor said
it's totally normal,
105
00:03:46,994 --> 00:03:48,496
no matter how many times
I ask him.
106
00:03:48,496 --> 00:03:49,830
Lainey Lewis.
107
00:03:49,830 --> 00:03:52,232
And your father,
Mr. Bill Lewis.
108
00:03:52,232 --> 00:03:53,501
Hello to both of you.
109
00:03:53,501 --> 00:03:55,469
Hi, Bar.
Is that a giant chocolate kiss?
110
00:03:55,469 --> 00:03:57,671
'Tis.
Been working it all day.
111
00:03:57,671 --> 00:04:00,541
Wanted to bloat up so not
to look too attractive
for my old flame.
112
00:04:00,541 --> 00:04:01,742
Look at that, it worked.
113
00:04:01,742 --> 00:04:03,243
It's also out of respect
114
00:04:03,243 --> 00:04:04,678
to my former lover's
father.
115
00:04:05,879 --> 00:04:07,981
I'm no threat
to your baby girl.
116
00:04:07,981 --> 00:04:10,384
The brown ring around your lips
tells the story, son,
117
00:04:10,384 --> 00:04:12,353
but thanks for the words.
118
00:04:12,353 --> 00:04:13,921
Maybe I'll just
swing by later, Erica.
119
00:04:13,921 --> 00:04:15,689
But we have so much
to catch up on.
120
00:04:15,689 --> 00:04:17,525
Bye, kiddo. Move out
as soon as you can, 'kay?
121
00:04:17,525 --> 00:04:19,927
I guess I'll just use
the restroom at home.
122
00:04:19,927 --> 00:04:21,028
Ciao!
123
00:04:21,028 --> 00:04:22,363
Y'know, that reminds me...
124
00:04:22,363 --> 00:04:25,232
I, too, should mosey on out
of here in a casual fashion.
125
00:04:25,232 --> 00:04:27,368
Take that the completely
innocent way it is intended.
126
00:04:27,368 --> 00:04:29,603
- What you up to, Bar?
- Conventional things.
127
00:04:29,603 --> 00:04:31,439
Just going to meet
Matt Bradley
128
00:04:31,439 --> 00:04:34,375
so he can help me pick out
some jean shorts, you know.
129
00:04:34,375 --> 00:04:36,877
What a strangely exhausting
three minutes.
130
00:04:36,877 --> 00:04:38,446
- Hanky-panky!
- What?
131
00:04:38,446 --> 00:04:40,247
An illicit entanglement
is brewing
132
00:04:40,247 --> 00:04:41,715
between Barry and Lainey!
133
00:04:41,715 --> 00:04:43,417
No way.
I know Lainey,
134
00:04:43,417 --> 00:04:46,286
and she would never
make that mistake again.
135
00:04:46,286 --> 00:04:47,621
For the third time.
136
00:04:47,621 --> 00:04:49,457
I don't know,
whenever Lainey's around,
Barry gets all weird.
137
00:04:49,457 --> 00:04:50,758
He's Barry.
138
00:04:50,758 --> 00:04:52,360
Weird is his natural state.
139
00:04:52,360 --> 00:04:53,594
Plus, he's over Lainey.
140
00:04:53,594 --> 00:04:55,363
I just don't see Barry
ever fully moving on.
141
00:04:55,363 --> 00:04:56,797
Where is all this
coming from?
142
00:04:56,797 --> 00:04:59,266
Okay, one, Barry is on record
saying that jean shorts
143
00:04:59,266 --> 00:05:01,034
are the uniform
of "half-men."
144
00:05:01,034 --> 00:05:02,770
Two, Barry would never
go to Matt Bradley
145
00:05:02,770 --> 00:05:04,372
for advice about anything,
146
00:05:04,372 --> 00:05:06,874
and three,
Matt Bradley is out of town!
147
00:05:06,874 --> 00:05:09,209
Even if Barry was dumb enough
to go back down that road,
148
00:05:09,209 --> 00:05:11,311
there is no way
that Lainey would.
149
00:05:11,311 --> 00:05:13,581
If she was even thinking
about it, she'd tell me.
150
00:05:13,581 --> 00:05:15,248
- I'm her best friend!
- Maybe.
151
00:05:15,248 --> 00:05:17,284
But there are two words
she hasn't shared with you--
152
00:05:17,284 --> 00:05:18,619
- hanky-panky.
- Oh.
153
00:05:18,619 --> 00:05:20,153
As Geoff worried
that Barry and Lainey
154
00:05:20,153 --> 00:05:22,122
were falling back
into a romance,
155
00:05:22,122 --> 00:05:24,592
my mom was worried about
my romance with Carmen.
156
00:05:24,592 --> 00:05:27,294
Adam and that Carmen
are moving way too fast.
157
00:05:27,294 --> 00:05:29,129
I thought we were discussing
my recent health scare,
158
00:05:29,129 --> 00:05:30,398
but let's pivot to you.
159
00:05:30,398 --> 00:05:32,966
I mean, his little heart
is just so sensitive.
160
00:05:32,966 --> 00:05:35,669
What if she rejects him?
It'll crush him.
161
00:05:35,669 --> 00:05:39,773
He does seem like a person
who's been shielded by someone
162
00:05:39,773 --> 00:05:41,642
from experiencing
most things
163
00:05:41,642 --> 00:05:43,310
any adult
would have by now.
164
00:05:44,412 --> 00:05:45,979
- Ginzy!
- Hm?
165
00:05:45,979 --> 00:05:48,348
That Carmen is here,
and she's with another man!
166
00:05:48,348 --> 00:05:49,483
Really?
167
00:05:49,483 --> 00:05:50,751
Okay, here's what
we're gonna do...
168
00:05:50,751 --> 00:05:52,453
Assume the best
and mind our own business?
169
00:05:52,453 --> 00:05:54,622
You're gonna work your way
over to their table.
170
00:05:54,622 --> 00:05:56,189
Be invisible
and totally forgettable--
171
00:05:56,189 --> 00:05:57,625
just like that!
172
00:05:57,625 --> 00:05:59,026
Yes!
173
00:05:59,026 --> 00:06:01,862
You're gonna spy on them and
write down everything they say.
174
00:06:01,862 --> 00:06:04,632
Beverly, part of the reason
that I asked you
for coffee today
175
00:06:04,632 --> 00:06:07,134
is I wanted to say that
I no longer want to be roped
176
00:06:07,134 --> 00:06:09,269
into Goldbergs hijinks
and shenanigans.
177
00:06:09,269 --> 00:06:10,504
Go-go-go-go-go-go-go!
178
00:06:13,874 --> 00:06:16,444
Oh!
Excuse me.
179
00:06:16,444 --> 00:06:19,613
I just accidentally bumped
into you and started
this conversation.
180
00:06:19,613 --> 00:06:20,814
I... I just gotta get
to the men's room.
181
00:06:20,814 --> 00:06:23,183
You're funny,
182
00:06:23,183 --> 00:06:25,118
and I've disarmed you
by giving you a compliment.
183
00:06:25,118 --> 00:06:27,120
Now, is that your sister
you're with?
184
00:06:27,120 --> 00:06:28,689
What?
Oh, uh, no.
185
00:06:28,689 --> 00:06:30,023
Cousin? Landlord?
186
00:06:30,023 --> 00:06:31,659
Some woman you found
confused on the street,
187
00:06:31,659 --> 00:06:32,726
and you're buying her coffee?
What?
188
00:06:32,726 --> 00:06:34,227
We're on a date,
if you must know.
189
00:06:34,227 --> 00:06:36,564
Oh, you mean like a platonic
work date with no feelings?
190
00:06:36,564 --> 00:06:38,031
Uh, a date date.
191
00:06:38,031 --> 00:06:39,232
That two-timing hussy!
192
00:06:39,232 --> 00:06:40,333
I'm so confused right now.
193
00:06:40,333 --> 00:06:42,503
Well, nobody cares.
Just... get...
194
00:06:42,503 --> 00:06:45,873
As my mom raced off to stop me
from my grand gesture...
195
00:06:45,873 --> 00:06:47,741
I will protect my baby!
196
00:06:47,741 --> 00:06:51,011
...across town,
Geoff was looking for evidence
of two-timing of his own.
197
00:06:51,011 --> 00:06:53,981
Oh, weird.
Look who it is!
198
00:06:53,981 --> 00:06:55,516
Geoffrey Olivia Schwartz,
199
00:06:55,516 --> 00:06:57,050
did you use
putting our baby to sleep
200
00:06:57,050 --> 00:06:58,519
as a way
to get me to spy on Barry?
201
00:06:58,519 --> 00:07:01,221
I know
something's going on!
I can just feel it!
202
00:07:01,221 --> 00:07:03,023
Look, he's stopping at that
cheesesteak place.
203
00:07:03,023 --> 00:07:04,324
You know Lainey loves cheesesteaks.
204
00:07:04,324 --> 00:07:05,559
This is dumb.
205
00:07:05,559 --> 00:07:06,694
I brought
my birding binoculars.
206
00:07:06,694 --> 00:07:07,995
- And it gets dumber.
- Look!
207
00:07:07,995 --> 00:07:09,362
He's getting
two cheesesteaks!
208
00:07:09,362 --> 00:07:10,831
We have to follow
that cheese.
209
00:07:10,831 --> 00:07:12,165
Should we have disguises, too?
210
00:07:12,165 --> 00:07:13,233
Way ahead of you.
211
00:07:13,233 --> 00:07:14,401
Let my mom's gardening hats
212
00:07:14,401 --> 00:07:16,570
and my dad's cataract shades
camouflage us!
213
00:07:20,541 --> 00:07:22,042
- Our marriage is weird.
- Mm.
214
00:07:22,042 --> 00:07:24,712
And so, they followed
Barry all over town.
215
00:07:24,712 --> 00:07:27,014
Until they ended up here.
216
00:07:27,014 --> 00:07:28,616
He's turning towards
that house.
217
00:07:28,616 --> 00:07:29,917
Wait,
that's Lainey's house!
218
00:07:31,619 --> 00:07:32,620
Oh!
219
00:07:34,922 --> 00:07:36,590
I can't believe it.
220
00:07:36,590 --> 00:07:38,425
Barry and Lainey...
221
00:07:38,425 --> 00:07:40,127
Oh, why did you make me
know this?
222
00:07:40,127 --> 00:07:41,862
While my sister and Geoff
were getting closer
223
00:07:41,862 --> 00:07:45,933
to the truth about Barry,
I was about to tell Carmen
how truly close to her I felt.
224
00:07:45,933 --> 00:07:47,234
- Stop!
- Mom!
225
00:07:47,234 --> 00:07:48,569
What the hell
are you doing?
226
00:07:48,569 --> 00:07:49,737
Protecting you!
227
00:07:49,737 --> 00:07:52,039
The grand gesture--
abort, abort!
228
00:07:52,039 --> 00:07:53,774
This is way too far.
229
00:07:53,774 --> 00:07:55,075
I know you don't like Carmen,
but--
230
00:07:55,075 --> 00:07:57,745
Adam, I saw her
on a date.
231
00:07:57,745 --> 00:07:58,946
A date?
232
00:07:59,647 --> 00:08:00,814
You must have misunderstood.
233
00:08:00,814 --> 00:08:02,115
I'm telling you, it's true.
234
00:08:02,115 --> 00:08:04,585
Look, I appreciate
your concern,
235
00:08:04,585 --> 00:08:06,820
but I'll just talk to Carmen
and clear this up.
236
00:08:06,820 --> 00:08:08,155
- Go home.
- But, Schmoopie Poopie--
237
00:08:08,155 --> 00:08:09,289
Go!
238
00:08:12,492 --> 00:08:13,827
- Was that your mom?
- Yeah.
239
00:08:13,827 --> 00:08:16,897
She just was freaking out
because, um,
240
00:08:16,897 --> 00:08:19,967
she thought she saw you
on a date with some other guy.
241
00:08:19,967 --> 00:08:21,902
Oh.
She saw us?
242
00:08:21,902 --> 00:08:23,470
That's awkward.
243
00:08:23,470 --> 00:08:25,739
So then,
you were on a date?
244
00:08:25,739 --> 00:08:27,140
Yeah, but,
I mean, it's okay,
245
00:08:27,140 --> 00:08:28,609
'cause you and I
are casual, right?
246
00:08:28,609 --> 00:08:31,779
Oh, definitely! Casual!
247
00:08:31,779 --> 00:08:33,747
Wait,
why do you have roses?
248
00:08:33,747 --> 00:08:35,115
And what's the cassette?
249
00:08:35,115 --> 00:08:36,717
These roses are...
250
00:08:37,517 --> 00:08:38,619
for Carla!
251
00:08:38,619 --> 00:08:39,920
She's had a hard time lately.
252
00:08:39,920 --> 00:08:42,189
Aww.
I can totally sell these.
253
00:08:42,189 --> 00:08:43,857
And the mixtape is...
254
00:08:43,857 --> 00:08:45,158
for Johnny!
255
00:08:45,158 --> 00:08:47,260
- Friendship mix!
- How much Rush is on here?
256
00:08:47,260 --> 00:08:49,296
Somewhere
between zero and none.
257
00:08:49,296 --> 00:08:51,965
You don't know me at all!
Friendship rejected!
258
00:08:51,965 --> 00:08:56,336
You... weren't about to do
some big romantic thing for me?
259
00:08:56,336 --> 00:08:58,138
'Cause I don't want things
to be weird for you,
260
00:08:58,138 --> 00:08:59,539
and if they are,
then maybe we should--
261
00:08:59,539 --> 00:09:01,174
Nope! Not weird.
262
00:09:01,174 --> 00:09:03,376
Look, if you can't handle
a casual relationship--
263
00:09:03,376 --> 00:09:05,212
Oh, I can handle casual.
264
00:09:05,212 --> 00:09:08,348
If anyone can be casual,
I can be casual.
265
00:09:10,150 --> 00:09:11,985
I can't be casual, Mama!
266
00:09:11,985 --> 00:09:14,121
Don't worry, baby.
Mama will protect you
267
00:09:14,121 --> 00:09:16,156
from the nuanced
adult relationship.
268
00:09:21,729 --> 00:09:24,732
Erica and Geoff had caught
Barry doing... something,
269
00:09:24,732 --> 00:09:27,200
and Erica was pretty worked up
to nail down what it was.
270
00:09:27,200 --> 00:09:28,636
I can't believe it.
271
00:09:28,636 --> 00:09:31,471
If Lainey is having an affair
with Barry,
why wouldn't she tell me?
272
00:09:31,471 --> 00:09:33,641
Isn't it more important that
he's cheating on my sister?
273
00:09:33,641 --> 00:09:34,908
Sure.
She's not one of us, though.
274
00:09:34,908 --> 00:09:36,710
She's the aunt
to your child.
275
00:09:36,710 --> 00:09:38,746
Yeah, through marriage,
I guess.
276
00:09:38,746 --> 00:09:41,581
Oh, it's Lainey. I need to
get to the bottom of this.
277
00:09:41,581 --> 00:09:43,050
- Now hide!
- Hide?
278
00:09:43,050 --> 00:09:45,185
Yes. This is the kind of thing
only best friends confide
in each other!
279
00:09:45,185 --> 00:09:46,353
- Oh!
- Now go!
280
00:09:48,255 --> 00:09:49,556
Hey!
281
00:09:49,556 --> 00:09:52,259
Hey there
best friend,
282
00:09:52,259 --> 00:09:53,827
no matter
what other things
283
00:09:53,827 --> 00:09:55,262
have transpired
in our lives.
284
00:09:55,262 --> 00:09:56,764
How are things going, huh?
285
00:09:56,764 --> 00:09:58,031
Oh, come on,
let's get caught up.
286
00:09:58,031 --> 00:09:59,432
Spill our darkest secrets.
287
00:09:59,432 --> 00:10:01,368
I wish I had some dark secrets
to spill.
288
00:10:01,368 --> 00:10:02,936
I feel like I've been
so boring lately.
289
00:10:02,936 --> 00:10:04,204
Look, I'd like to think that
you'll always be
290
00:10:04,204 --> 00:10:05,939
the one person
I can trust--
291
00:10:05,939 --> 00:10:08,008
who I can confess
anything to.
292
00:10:08,008 --> 00:10:09,542
Aww, of course you can, Erica.
293
00:10:09,542 --> 00:10:12,045
I'm so glad to hear that.
294
00:10:12,045 --> 00:10:13,380
I've been thinking
about cheating on Geoff.
295
00:10:13,380 --> 00:10:14,614
- You?
- What?
296
00:10:14,614 --> 00:10:16,884
I think about being
with another man constantly.
297
00:10:16,884 --> 00:10:19,386
Where I'd meet the guy,
what hotel we'd go to--
298
00:10:19,386 --> 00:10:21,088
the Bay Breeze Inn
off 276.
299
00:10:21,088 --> 00:10:23,090
It's close,
but also out of the way.
300
00:10:23,090 --> 00:10:25,192
Um, I'm not sure
how to respond.
301
00:10:25,192 --> 00:10:26,559
The appropriate response
would be to admit
302
00:10:26,559 --> 00:10:28,061
that you've had
some similar feelings
303
00:10:28,061 --> 00:10:30,597
and/or participated in
any infidelities of your own?
304
00:10:30,597 --> 00:10:32,065
- Uh...
- Because I think
about cheating
305
00:10:32,065 --> 00:10:34,134
- on Geoff all the time.
- What?
306
00:10:34,134 --> 00:10:36,103
I imagine a strange man's
hands in my hair,
307
00:10:36,103 --> 00:10:38,305
on my body,
whispering in my ear.
308
00:10:38,305 --> 00:10:39,940
Do you judge me
or do you kinda get it?
309
00:10:39,940 --> 00:10:41,208
You guys seem
so happy together.
310
00:10:41,208 --> 00:10:43,410
No one can know the heart
of another, right?
311
00:10:43,410 --> 00:10:46,880
Which is why I don't know
yours-- so use your words.
312
00:10:46,880 --> 00:10:48,916
- Any hanky-panky going on?
- Hanky-panky?
313
00:10:48,916 --> 00:10:51,752
If I were cheating
on Geoff, you'd be
the first person I told.
314
00:10:51,752 --> 00:10:54,554
No detail would be spared.
So spill it.
315
00:10:54,554 --> 00:10:56,089
- I mean, actually--
- Yes?
316
00:10:56,089 --> 00:10:58,325
I was waiting for
the right moment to tell you
317
00:10:58,325 --> 00:11:01,228
Steve and I broke up recently,
so there's no one to cheat on.
318
00:11:01,228 --> 00:11:02,395
It's been really lonely.
319
00:11:02,395 --> 00:11:03,964
- Has it?
- Yes.
320
00:11:03,964 --> 00:11:06,099
And I'm still upset, too.
321
00:11:06,099 --> 00:11:08,902
But I'm really worried
about you right now.
322
00:11:08,902 --> 00:11:11,471
So let me just get us some tea
and let's dig in.
323
00:11:11,471 --> 00:11:13,907
Just know
I care about you, okay?
324
00:11:13,907 --> 00:11:15,909
Well,
I care about you, too.
325
00:11:15,909 --> 00:11:18,178
Almost as much as I want
to cheat on Geoff!
326
00:11:19,512 --> 00:11:21,114
What in the actual [bleep]?
327
00:11:21,114 --> 00:11:23,316
You wanted the truth, right?
Well, we got it!
328
00:11:23,316 --> 00:11:24,952
The only truth I've found out
is that my wife
329
00:11:24,952 --> 00:11:26,453
would be great
at having an affair!
330
00:11:26,453 --> 00:11:28,956
C'mon!
Lainey and Steve broke up.
331
00:11:28,956 --> 00:11:30,824
She's been lonely.
The pieces fit.
332
00:11:30,824 --> 00:11:32,025
I think you were right.
333
00:11:32,025 --> 00:11:34,027
Oh, poor Joanne.
I've gotta tell her.
334
00:11:34,027 --> 00:11:35,796
No, she will hate you forever.
335
00:11:35,796 --> 00:11:37,664
There's only one way
to let her know--
336
00:11:37,664 --> 00:11:39,833
get her to stumble
onto the crime herself.
337
00:11:39,833 --> 00:11:40,968
Oh, that's
incredibly harsh.
338
00:11:40,968 --> 00:11:42,535
It's the only way.
339
00:11:42,535 --> 00:11:44,972
Okay, just promise me
you'll never go
to that Bay Breeze Inn.
340
00:11:44,972 --> 00:11:47,374
- That filthy dump?
Never.
- What?
341
00:11:47,374 --> 00:11:49,042
Or anywhere else, obviously.
342
00:11:49,042 --> 00:11:52,112
While Geoff and Erica had
clarity about Barry and Lainey,
343
00:11:52,112 --> 00:11:54,514
Carmen had left me
very confused.
344
00:11:54,514 --> 00:11:55,783
Casual?
345
00:11:55,783 --> 00:11:57,317
I mean, I'm a guy
346
00:11:57,317 --> 00:11:58,986
who goes from intense
monogamous relationship
347
00:11:58,986 --> 00:12:02,155
to intense monogamous relationship,
like a normal person!
348
00:12:02,155 --> 00:12:03,957
Are you sure this woman
is for you?
349
00:12:03,957 --> 00:12:05,158
She doesn't seem
to understand
350
00:12:05,158 --> 00:12:07,527
how special
my perfect little angel is.
351
00:12:07,527 --> 00:12:09,662
Look, I have to grow up
sometime, Mom,
352
00:12:09,662 --> 00:12:11,198
and I really like Carmen.
353
00:12:11,198 --> 00:12:13,400
So if she wants to be
non-exclusive,
354
00:12:13,400 --> 00:12:15,668
I guess I'm just gonna
have to figure out how.
355
00:12:15,668 --> 00:12:17,971
If I may remind you,
you happen to be the son
356
00:12:17,971 --> 00:12:20,207
of the greatest Yenta
the world has ever known.
357
00:12:20,207 --> 00:12:22,209
I don't think I've ever said
this to you before,
358
00:12:22,209 --> 00:12:23,410
but I like the way
you're thinking.
359
00:12:23,410 --> 00:12:26,346
If my handsome little man
needs to be non-exclusive,
360
00:12:26,346 --> 00:12:30,317
we're gonna show her
how non-exclusive he can be.
361
00:12:30,317 --> 00:12:31,418
It's matchmaking time!
362
00:12:34,287 --> 00:12:37,090
- My mom pulled out
all the stops.
- Beverly.
363
00:12:37,090 --> 00:12:39,592
She used the phone,
the Rolodex...
364
00:12:39,592 --> 00:12:41,795
obvious choices,
less obvious choices.
365
00:12:44,397 --> 00:12:47,835
She left no stone unturned
to find me a perfect match.
366
00:12:47,835 --> 00:12:50,103
So, what
are we working with?
367
00:12:50,103 --> 00:12:52,772
Lay it on me. Who's lining up
for a dose of Vitamin A?
368
00:12:52,772 --> 00:12:54,674
Lotta interest, um,
369
00:12:54,674 --> 00:12:58,111
but I think this
might not be dating season.
370
00:12:58,111 --> 00:12:59,446
Dating season?
371
00:12:59,446 --> 00:13:01,381
You know how many ladies
like to go away on vacation
372
00:13:01,381 --> 00:13:02,850
at the end of February.
373
00:13:02,850 --> 00:13:06,453
Oh, my God. Nobody wanted
to go out with me, did they?
374
00:13:06,453 --> 00:13:07,787
You're a bit
of a tough sell.
375
00:13:07,787 --> 00:13:09,256
You put off
going to college,
376
00:13:09,256 --> 00:13:10,757
you're working
part-time in a diner,
377
00:13:10,757 --> 00:13:12,125
you're living at home,
378
00:13:12,125 --> 00:13:13,961
and it does not
sweeten the pot
379
00:13:13,961 --> 00:13:15,795
that you're currently
seeing someone else
380
00:13:15,795 --> 00:13:17,865
in a non-exclusive sitch.
381
00:13:17,865 --> 00:13:20,600
Now, the only one that might be
a possibility is Essie,
382
00:13:20,600 --> 00:13:22,135
but she said
she'd have to think on it.
383
00:13:22,135 --> 00:13:23,303
This is a nightmare!
384
00:13:23,303 --> 00:13:25,939
It's tearing me apart
that the world
can't see my boy
385
00:13:25,939 --> 00:13:27,440
for the hot property he is,
386
00:13:27,440 --> 00:13:29,276
even though,
in this moment,
387
00:13:29,276 --> 00:13:31,478
- to all appearances,
it seems like you're a loser.
- Thank you?
388
00:13:31,478 --> 00:13:32,980
I'll just have to go
to Carmen
389
00:13:32,980 --> 00:13:35,382
- and let her know
we're ready to be exclusive.
-"We"?
390
00:13:35,382 --> 00:13:36,816
Then point out
all the amazing things
391
00:13:36,816 --> 00:13:38,385
she'll be missing
if she doesn't accept
392
00:13:38,385 --> 00:13:39,953
a committed relationship
from you.
393
00:13:39,953 --> 00:13:42,655
No. I have to prove to her
that I can be casual.
394
00:13:42,655 --> 00:13:44,224
And how are you supposed
to do that?
395
00:13:44,224 --> 00:13:46,759
You're the master
of the grand gesture.
396
00:13:46,759 --> 00:13:49,162
I can't tell you
how many I've seen from afar
397
00:13:49,162 --> 00:13:51,264
and wished I was the girl
in the window.
398
00:13:51,264 --> 00:13:54,567
Yes! Your horrifying and
possibly criminal revelation
399
00:13:54,567 --> 00:13:55,969
has given me an idea!
400
00:13:55,969 --> 00:13:57,337
You run away to
the Dominican Republic
401
00:13:57,337 --> 00:13:59,606
- and start fresh?
- So far from that.
402
00:13:59,606 --> 00:14:01,408
But what if
I did something bold
403
00:14:01,408 --> 00:14:03,076
to prove to her
how chill I am?
404
00:14:03,076 --> 00:14:06,613
You mean like a classic
Adam Goldberg grand gesture,
405
00:14:06,613 --> 00:14:09,149
but... of casualness?
406
00:14:09,149 --> 00:14:10,450
Exactly.
407
00:14:10,450 --> 00:14:11,952
That is the most brilliant
thing I've ever heard,
408
00:14:11,952 --> 00:14:14,487
and I'm certain I'm not being
blinded by a mother's love
409
00:14:14,487 --> 00:14:17,024
and desperation for you
to never feel rejection.
410
00:14:17,024 --> 00:14:19,192
- Go to her.
- I will!
411
00:14:19,192 --> 00:14:21,428
But, like, not in a rush.
412
00:14:21,428 --> 00:14:23,163
Also,
I was sugarcoating it.
413
00:14:23,163 --> 00:14:25,865
It was a hard no from Essie.
414
00:14:25,865 --> 00:14:28,468
As I was off to show Carmen
how chill I could be,
415
00:14:28,468 --> 00:14:31,538
Geoff and Erica's
investigation was heating up.
416
00:14:31,538 --> 00:14:32,940
- Jo Jo! Over here!
- Oh!
417
00:14:32,940 --> 00:14:34,374
Ooh! What's going on?
418
00:14:34,374 --> 00:14:37,010
Geoff said you were having
a fashion emergency, Erica?
419
00:14:37,010 --> 00:14:38,845
There's no fashion emergency, Joanne.
420
00:14:38,845 --> 00:14:40,880
Sure, if you say it,
then it's true.
421
00:14:40,880 --> 00:14:43,616
Look, you're here because
we have something upsetting
to show you.
422
00:14:43,616 --> 00:14:46,719
We're sorry,
but my brother's
having an affair with Lainey.
423
00:14:46,719 --> 00:14:49,456
Puh-leeze. I'll believe that
when I see it.
424
00:14:49,456 --> 00:14:51,558
Barry's in there right now
with Lainey. We saw him go in.
425
00:14:51,558 --> 00:14:53,560
But he just told me he was
going to the library to study.
426
00:14:53,560 --> 00:14:55,828
- That in itself
should've been a big clue.
- Hey, guys.
427
00:14:55,828 --> 00:14:57,130
- Gah!
- Lainey?
428
00:14:57,130 --> 00:14:59,299
Why are you talking behind
the Metcalfs' hedge?
429
00:14:59,299 --> 00:15:03,003
Wait, but if you're not
in there, what's Barry doing?
430
00:15:03,003 --> 00:15:04,471
Ca-caw! Ca-caw!
431
00:15:04,471 --> 00:15:05,872
What the hell?
432
00:15:05,872 --> 00:15:08,475
Ca-caw! Ca-caw!
433
00:15:08,475 --> 00:15:09,576
Barry?
434
00:15:09,576 --> 00:15:10,677
- Ca--
- Huh?
435
00:15:10,677 --> 00:15:13,080
Ah! This isn't what
it looks like, baby!
436
00:15:13,080 --> 00:15:15,148
I honestly have no idea
what it looks like.
437
00:15:15,148 --> 00:15:18,318
As things with Barry developed
an unexpected wrinkle,
438
00:15:18,318 --> 00:15:19,652
I was ready
to iron things out
439
00:15:19,652 --> 00:15:22,189
with Carmen--
casually, of course.
440
00:15:22,189 --> 00:15:24,157
♪ Round and round,
round and round ♪
441
00:15:24,157 --> 00:15:26,994
♪ The wheels on the bus
go round and round ♪
442
00:15:26,994 --> 00:15:29,029
♪ All through the town ♪
443
00:15:32,032 --> 00:15:34,167
Adam?
444
00:15:34,167 --> 00:15:35,435
♪ The wipers on the bus
go--♪
445
00:15:35,435 --> 00:15:37,504
Heyyy!
446
00:15:37,504 --> 00:15:38,938
I was just wandering through
your neighborhood,
447
00:15:38,938 --> 00:15:40,573
and I'd like
to make clear--
448
00:15:40,573 --> 00:15:43,610
walking, not running,
and absolutely not in the rain.
449
00:15:43,610 --> 00:15:45,078
What's with the step stool?
450
00:15:45,078 --> 00:15:46,913
See, normally when
I'm dating someone,
451
00:15:46,913 --> 00:15:49,849
I'll scale a trellis
to their bedroom window.
452
00:15:49,849 --> 00:15:52,119
But as we are both
being casual,
453
00:15:52,119 --> 00:15:54,054
thought it seemed
a little much.
454
00:15:54,054 --> 00:15:56,556
So instead,
I brought a step stool
455
00:15:56,556 --> 00:15:58,725
to chat with you
near your toilet.
456
00:15:58,725 --> 00:16:00,227
Wanna explain the boombox?
457
00:16:00,227 --> 00:16:03,196
Usually that'd be playing
a Peter Gabriel ballad,
458
00:16:03,196 --> 00:16:05,265
but since we're in
a non-exclusive,
459
00:16:05,265 --> 00:16:06,966
super-laid-back thing,
460
00:16:06,966 --> 00:16:08,601
I'm playing
"The Wheels on the Bus."
461
00:16:08,601 --> 00:16:12,972
So you came to my window
with a step stool and a boombox
462
00:16:12,972 --> 00:16:14,874
to profess your ability
463
00:16:14,874 --> 00:16:17,077
to be in
a casual relationship?
464
00:16:19,746 --> 00:16:20,980
Adam...
465
00:16:20,980 --> 00:16:24,117
Yeah, it's not great.
466
00:16:25,652 --> 00:16:28,988
The truth is, I'm not built
for a casual relationship.
467
00:16:30,023 --> 00:16:31,758
I like you...
468
00:16:31,758 --> 00:16:33,393
a lot.
469
00:16:33,393 --> 00:16:36,763
And I don't want to
play it cool
or see other people.
470
00:16:36,763 --> 00:16:40,433
I want to jump in,
cast caution to the wind,
471
00:16:40,433 --> 00:16:41,701
and see where we land.
472
00:16:43,603 --> 00:16:46,139
It's just who I am.
473
00:16:46,139 --> 00:16:48,241
Sorry I made it weird.
474
00:16:48,241 --> 00:16:50,977
Unfortunately,
that's also who I am.
475
00:17:00,153 --> 00:17:03,590
So it turned out Barry wasn't
having an affair with Lainey,
476
00:17:03,590 --> 00:17:05,758
but he did have
a secret relationship
with her dad, Bill,
477
00:17:05,758 --> 00:17:08,027
which left us
with even more questions.
478
00:17:08,027 --> 00:17:10,697
It all started the day
of the Eagles-Cowboys game.
479
00:17:10,697 --> 00:17:12,199
We were both going to a bar
480
00:17:12,199 --> 00:17:13,966
'cause we had no one
to watch the game with.
481
00:17:13,966 --> 00:17:16,536
So Bill suggested we go back
to his house
482
00:17:16,536 --> 00:17:18,171
so we can enjoy it together.
483
00:17:18,171 --> 00:17:21,841
And to our surprise,
we had a magical day together.
484
00:17:21,841 --> 00:17:23,343
We both thought
it was a one-time thing,
485
00:17:23,343 --> 00:17:26,045
but, dammit, we could not
get enough of each other.
486
00:17:26,045 --> 00:17:27,347
It just felt too good.
487
00:17:27,347 --> 00:17:28,815
So good.
488
00:17:28,815 --> 00:17:30,817
After a while, we'd watch
any random sport
489
00:17:30,817 --> 00:17:32,785
as an excuse
to spend time together--
490
00:17:32,785 --> 00:17:35,988
handball, badminton,
water polo.
491
00:17:35,988 --> 00:17:38,558
We even watched
Olympic women's Ping-Pong.
492
00:17:38,558 --> 00:17:40,227
It was like a drug.
493
00:17:40,227 --> 00:17:42,862
We started to build up
our own private jokes,
494
00:17:42,862 --> 00:17:44,731
traditions,
and superstitions--
495
00:17:44,731 --> 00:17:46,199
So that's what we just saw?
496
00:17:46,199 --> 00:17:49,202
I know we're caught,
but I'd do it all again
497
00:17:49,202 --> 00:17:51,871
- a million times over.
- Me too.
498
00:17:51,871 --> 00:17:53,005
Why'd you hide it?
499
00:17:53,005 --> 00:17:55,041
Truthfully, we knew
it wouldn't last.
500
00:17:55,041 --> 00:17:56,709
I mean, we have nothing
in common.
501
00:17:56,709 --> 00:17:58,044
No.
502
00:17:58,044 --> 00:18:00,747
Maybe you have more in common
than you think.
503
00:18:00,747 --> 00:18:02,249
You're both missing someone
in your lives
504
00:18:02,249 --> 00:18:04,317
you used
to share sports with.
505
00:18:04,317 --> 00:18:06,419
- Dad.
- Mur-man.
506
00:18:06,419 --> 00:18:09,756
And in some twisted way, this
is how you're dealing with it.
507
00:18:09,756 --> 00:18:11,858
Dad and I used to share
the lows and extra lows
508
00:18:11,858 --> 00:18:13,726
of Philadelphia sports together.
509
00:18:13,726 --> 00:18:15,895
Mur and I could
sit together for hours
510
00:18:15,895 --> 00:18:17,096
and not say a thing,
511
00:18:17,096 --> 00:18:19,432
unless my Cowboys
were playing his Eagles.
512
00:18:19,432 --> 00:18:22,935
Then he would insult my family,
my honor, my body shape.
513
00:18:23,570 --> 00:18:24,737
I loved it so much.
514
00:18:24,737 --> 00:18:26,339
I guess it's over now.
515
00:18:26,339 --> 00:18:28,708
Don't be stupid.
You can still hang out.
516
00:18:28,708 --> 00:18:30,210
Boys are so dumb.
517
00:18:30,210 --> 00:18:31,578
You mean...
518
00:18:31,578 --> 00:18:34,013
Gentlemen sports-time
is back on!
519
00:18:34,013 --> 00:18:36,115
And no longer
in the shadows!
520
00:18:38,585 --> 00:18:39,719
Oh.
521
00:18:39,719 --> 00:18:40,787
Ca-caw! Ca-caw!
522
00:18:41,888 --> 00:18:44,524
Maybe a little shadow
wouldn't hurt.
523
00:18:44,524 --> 00:18:47,360
Speaking of, you thought
I was cheating with Barry?
524
00:18:47,360 --> 00:18:48,695
I know it's ridiculous,
525
00:18:48,695 --> 00:18:50,963
but I feel like our lives
are so different now...
526
00:18:50,963 --> 00:18:53,065
Maybe
you wouldn't tell me.
527
00:18:53,065 --> 00:18:54,901
Are you kidding?
I would tell you anything.
528
00:18:54,901 --> 00:18:57,804
You're my best friend.
529
00:19:00,139 --> 00:19:02,575
While Barry and Bill
took their weird man crush
530
00:19:02,575 --> 00:19:04,076
out of the shadows,
531
00:19:04,076 --> 00:19:07,247
my future with Carmen
was nothing but darkness.
532
00:19:07,247 --> 00:19:09,482
Hey, Schmoo, I've got
some Rice Krispie Treats
533
00:19:09,482 --> 00:19:10,950
if you're interested.
534
00:19:10,950 --> 00:19:13,620
Thanks, but I'm not really
in the mood
for snackies right now.
535
00:19:13,620 --> 00:19:16,223
I know this didn't go the way
you wanted it to, sweetie,
536
00:19:16,223 --> 00:19:17,724
but it's always more mature
537
00:19:17,724 --> 00:19:20,227
to just show people
who you really are.
538
00:19:20,227 --> 00:19:24,096
Well, the real me is gonna
be sad for a while.
539
00:19:24,096 --> 00:19:26,132
I know you don't care
what I think,
540
00:19:26,132 --> 00:19:27,800
but I love the real you.
541
00:19:31,738 --> 00:19:34,073
♪ The wheels on the bus
go round and round ♪
542
00:19:34,073 --> 00:19:36,476
- What's that?
-♪ Round and round,
round and round ♪
543
00:19:36,476 --> 00:19:38,445
♪ The wheels on the bus
go round and round-- ♪
544
00:19:38,445 --> 00:19:39,646
Carmen?
545
00:19:39,646 --> 00:19:40,780
Hey.
546
00:19:40,780 --> 00:19:42,582
I was just
in the neighborhood,
547
00:19:42,582 --> 00:19:45,485
decided to swing by,
all casual-like.
548
00:19:45,485 --> 00:19:46,819
I'll come down.
549
00:19:51,424 --> 00:19:54,193
You know, I have
never had a guy
show up to my window
550
00:19:54,193 --> 00:19:56,496
with a step stool
and a boombox like that.
551
00:19:56,496 --> 00:19:58,598
Really? You should have
a million guys
552
00:19:58,598 --> 00:19:59,632
outside your window.
553
00:20:00,533 --> 00:20:01,934
Not a million.
554
00:20:01,934 --> 00:20:03,636
The appropriate amount.
555
00:20:03,636 --> 00:20:05,438
Why don't you talk now?
556
00:20:05,438 --> 00:20:07,106
And the reason I wanted to draw
the line at casual
557
00:20:07,106 --> 00:20:09,175
is 'cause I just got out
of a relationship,
558
00:20:09,175 --> 00:20:12,312
and I'm
not ready to be hurt again.
559
00:20:12,312 --> 00:20:13,713
I get it.
560
00:20:13,713 --> 00:20:15,515
The thing is...
561
00:20:15,515 --> 00:20:18,785
I know you are not the kind
of guy who's going to hurt me.
562
00:20:18,785 --> 00:20:20,152
So...
563
00:20:21,187 --> 00:20:23,556
we can be exclusive
and see where it goes.
564
00:20:23,556 --> 00:20:25,392
I think I can
make that work.
565
00:20:27,093 --> 00:20:28,861
You think
you could still show me
566
00:20:28,861 --> 00:20:30,697
what an Adam Goldberg
grand gesture is like?
567
00:20:30,697 --> 00:20:32,465
I would love to.
568
00:20:34,467 --> 00:20:36,669
Relationships can be complicated.
569
00:20:36,669 --> 00:20:38,738
Just when you think you're
getting close to someone,
570
00:20:38,738 --> 00:20:40,006
they can pull away.
571
00:20:40,006 --> 00:20:42,008
♪ Lights that flash
in the evening ♪
572
00:20:42,008 --> 00:20:45,011
But as long as you show people
who you really are,
573
00:20:45,011 --> 00:20:47,514
you'll find even
casual acquaintances
574
00:20:47,514 --> 00:20:49,148
can become like family.
575
00:20:49,148 --> 00:20:50,317
- Whoo!
- Touchdown!
576
00:20:50,317 --> 00:20:52,719
♪ I can't hardly wait ♪
577
00:20:56,689 --> 00:20:58,925
So, your incredibly
specific tale
578
00:20:58,925 --> 00:21:00,360
of infidelity
got me thinking.
579
00:21:00,360 --> 00:21:02,194
You're not the only one
who can spin a convincing yarn
580
00:21:02,194 --> 00:21:03,563
about a torrid dalliance.
581
00:21:03,563 --> 00:21:05,765
All right. Get whatever this is
out of your system.
582
00:21:05,765 --> 00:21:08,768
I'm just saying, I, too,
know an out-of-the-way motel
583
00:21:08,768 --> 00:21:10,937
where the touching
of non-wives may occur.
584
00:21:10,937 --> 00:21:12,939
Oh, no.
I feel super threatened.
585
00:21:12,939 --> 00:21:14,441
That's right.
I would do some touching.
586
00:21:14,441 --> 00:21:16,175
Could you possibly be
more specific?
587
00:21:16,175 --> 00:21:17,444
Happily.
588
00:21:17,444 --> 00:21:20,046
Know that said touching
would be the touching
589
00:21:20,046 --> 00:21:21,414
of an unfamiliar
female person...
590
00:21:21,414 --> 00:21:22,682
Uh-huh.
591
00:21:22,682 --> 00:21:25,217
And perhaps,
if her hands are clean,
592
00:21:25,217 --> 00:21:27,520
underneath
this rugby shirt.
593
00:21:27,520 --> 00:21:28,921
You're incredibly bad
at this.
594
00:21:28,921 --> 00:21:30,256
Please never leave me.
45162
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