All language subtitles for The.Goldbergs.2013.S10E09.1080p.AMZN.WEB-DL.DDP5.1.H.264-NTb_track3_[eng]

Back in the '80s
I had a lot of crappy jobs.

I worked in an ice-cream shop,
an arcade, even on a film set.

And with a year off,
I found myself working
at a '50s diner.

There was one great perk,

I still got to perform
for the dinner customers.

Watch where you're going, Biff.

Can it, Spike.

You're just sore 'cause
Foxy likes me and not you.

Boys, boys, boys, boys.

Boys, no need to fight.

There's plenty of Foxy
to go around.

But we always fight.

We're the Firebirds,
the rebels of this town.

And we're Varsity Club.

We're polite with adults,
and we keep it above the waist.

Excuse me, I'm adorable
and new in town.

Can someone tell me
where the malt shop is?

- You're in it.
- I'm lost, too. In your eyes.

What'sa matter, fellas?

Never seen a girl before?

Not one like this. Va-va-voom!

You made me drop my lucky comb.

Now I gotta take out
my feelings of inadequacy
on Biff's preppy face!

Wait, Spike, maybe we don't
have to rumble anymore.

I mean, we like
the same things, don't we?

- You mean...
- Girls, cars,
and rock and roll!

Hit it, Rocco.

♪ We're gonna meet some girls
And make 'em scream ♪

♪ We're gonna talk about
Their hopes and dreams ♪

♪ We're gonna park at night
And rock their worlds ♪

♪ We're gonna compliment them
On their pearls ♪

♪ They're gonna cruise like
Rockets through the night ♪

♪ They're gonna fully stop
At every light ♪

♪ We're gonna stay out late
Till after dawn ♪

♪ We're gonna get up early
And mow the lawn ♪

♪ But on one thing they agree ♪

♪ One similarity ♪

♪ We'd gladly sell our souls ♪

♪ For girls, cars
And rock and roll ♪

♪ I'm twisted up inside ♪

♪ But nonetheless
I feel the need to say ♪

♪ I don't know the future ♪

♪ But the past keeps getting
Clearer every day ♪

It was November 30th,
1980-something

and to no one's surprise,

Barry was crushing it
at medical school.

Some of you excelled
on your immunology papers.

Others of you

seemed immune to studying.

Dr. Platz
takes the driest topics

and makes them wet with humor.

But this is an opportunity

to remind you

how demanding the career path
you've chosen can be.

I swear,
he's got no off switch.

But for Straight-A Barry,

this exam grade
was no laughing matter.

Oh, no.

So he did what he always did,

wildly overreact.

JTP and others.

JTP and--

Enough of your ridiculous
chit chat.

Today, I received a B-minus.

A B-minus isn't so bad.

And that, Naked Robert,

is why you'll
forever be mediocre,

and struggle to support
a wife and children.

I'm gonna have
a wife and children? Sweet!

But I'll spend
the next two weeks

making the necessary changes

so as not to wind up a bum,

like Matt Bradley,

or worse, a chiropractor.

- That seems fair.
- First order of business.

I hereby disband the JTP.

Because
you're slightly struggling

in med school,
we can't hang out?

Not even without me.

The thought of you cavorting
in my absence

is way too distracting.

When this meeting is adjourned,

you'll each be assigned

different directions
to walk in.

And none of them are
the directions you came from.

But we live together.

Then you will
fill your apartment

with Japanese dividers

to only see
each other's silhouettes

as you rush
to and from the fridge.

Creative
and virtually impossible.

You're off
to a great start here, babe.

Geoff and Erica, regretfully,
I will not be seeing you

during this
intense period of study.

- Oh, my heart's heavy, Bar.
- I'm good with it.

Baby Muriel, I won't be
available for the interactions

that bond us
as uncle and girl-nephew.

But to the extent that I care,

which is slightly above
not at all,

is Joanne also getting the gift

of not seeing you
for two weeks?

Bite your tongue, sister.

Joanne is my sleepy-time
companion.

Yay, graphic details
of my sister's robust
intimate life.

And I'll require silence

in this house.

It is way too loud and chaotic!

That's 100% because of you.

Bar, maybe we should spend

the next two weeks
at my parents' house.

Yeah, their bland personalities
and drab home

will be way less distracting.

And Lou is sort of a doctor,

so he'll understand
my delicate needs.

Our dad's an actual doctor.

He's an eye doctor.

That's the chiropractor
of the face.

Meeting adjourned.

As Barry
was hunkering down
in his studies,

I was cleaning up at the diner.

You need to put a little bit
more elbow grease on that.

Oh, I'm not trying to clean it.

I'm just trying to look busy
until my shift ends.

Wow.
You are management material.

So, you got any plans?

I do. Hone my craft
at NYU Film School,

jump into indies
and low budget stuff,

and ultimately create
summer blockbusters

that make more money
than sense.

I meant tonight,
like, after work.

Of course you did.

And again, it's a yes.

Tuesdays have become
movie night with my old lady.

You have a girlfriend?

Older lady. My mom.

Oh, well, that's too bad
'cause we're all going out
to TJ O'Funn's.

You should come.

Sorry, previously engaged.

To be clear,
I'm not engaged to my mom.

Lovely gal, but not for me.

Okay. You have fun.

Whoa, it was awesome

how uncomfortable
that was, Goldnerd.

- I savored every gross moment.
- What are you talking about?

Carmen clearly likes you, bro.

No way! Women don't pursue me.

Look we can all agree
she must be totally broken
in the head,

but it seems to be real.

So the only question is,
do you like her?

Carmen, who when
I make eye contact with,
I blush like a harvest apple?

Yeah, there's a fondness.

Then you should totally
come out with us tonight.

I would, but Tuesday nights
are for my mom.

As are Fridays, Sundays
and cuddle-fest Thursdays.

She calls me
her warmest blanket.

Seriously, bro,
are you a child?

No, although
I still go to a pediatrician,

but that's just because
he knows my body
better than anyone.

Just tell your mommy
that something came up

and you'll do weird stuff
with her next time.

Good advice,
hurtfully delivered.

Hey, Carmen, I was wondering,

are those plans
still on the table?

Totally. Be there or be square.

Oh, I think I'm gonna prove
to you that I can do both.

I was fully in
on plans with my work friends.

All I had to do was
break the news to my mom.

Mama, I'm not going to be
able to see Endless Love
with you tonight.

What?

That's the quintessential
mother-son movie.

It's certainly an unsettling
description of that saucy film.

I'm sorry, but I made
some plans with my pals
from work.

And their parents are okay
with them roving around town

like a bunch of sailors
on shore leave?

They're 20, and it's dinner
at a chain restaurant
in the lobby of the Sheraton.

You have been
wanting to find the lad
some same-aged compadres.

Wait.

You guys discuss
my social life?

You're one of our
favorite subjects.

That, and Ginzy's
impossibly green lawn.

What is she doing that I'm not?

And why is she such
a [bleep] about it?

You know what, Adam?
Go. Have fun with your friends.

Thank you for recognizing
that I'm not a child anymore.

Also, may I have
$20 for dinner?

I'm saving up my work money
for a Skyhammer
Ultra Pretender Transformer.

While I was planning
to head out on the town,

Barry was settling in
at the Schwartzes'.

A study treat for Barry?

He's under so much pressure.

He couldn't choose a flavor,
so he said,

"Just make one
with all the fruits."

Well, our children
and grandchild

spend so much time
at the Goldbergs',

I guess it's nice to have
one of theirs for a change.

Even if it's not the one
anyone really wanted.

Here is your pie.

Oh, heavens, your feet
are on the table.

Yeah, in the exact same spot

that I eat and pray.

Sorry, Linda,
but my big brain only works

when my little piggies
are happy.

What happened
to my horse figurines?

Yeah. We got rid of them.

They were staring right at me.

Barry doesn't get along
with horses or zebras.

They're the horses of Africa.

Zebras are nothing like horses.

This is madness.

While Barry
was proving to be
a difficult guest,

I was feeling right at home
with my work friends.

Look at us,
sipping drinks on a weeknight
like we're in Barcelona.

Okay, you two, beat it.

- Johnny out.
- Bye!

Whoa, that was abrupt.

Is it because Johnny
burped the "Battle Hymn
of the Republic"?

Well, that

and so that
it would be just you and me.

Interesting.

And it was.

Alone with a girl I liked?

This would require
a few drinks.

So we drank.

My new prescription is fun!

Wait, these are
actually helping.

You are not like
other guys I meet.

But I can change.

Give me a list
of their attributes.
I'll get to work.

We drank a lot.

It was a night
I'd never forget,

except for how I got here.

Hey.

Oh, where am I?

You crashed on my couch.

Without my bedtime milk?

- Apparently.
- Oh, balls!

Did anything happen?

Yeah, we robbed like six banks.

Oh, my God! What?

We smooched
on the couch a little,
and then you passed out.

Oh, well,

I am profoundly sorry
for my ungentlemanly deeds.

Don't be. I had fun.

Okay, but I should go.
My mom tends to worry.

Yeah, her name came up
an uncomfortable amount.

I just
had to sneak back home

before my mom
knew what happened.

How hard could that be?

Turns out, pretty hard.

Excuse me, sir.

Sir, you need to come with me.

Is there a law against
taking a morning stroll

in the same pants, shirt,
and unmentionables
you wore the night before?

I'm not here to arrest you.
I'm here for the reward.

Reward?

Oh, my God.

You're the "baby angel" who was
"stolen from her breast" right?

You know I am. Let's just ride.

I knew
my mom was worried
that I was out all night,

but maybe we could discuss it
like reasonable people.

Where in the [bleep] were you?

Ooh, coming in hot
but deserved.

Why is my high school
guidance counselor here?

When will you acknowledge
that I have transitioned

from scholastic acquaintance
to top-tier family friend?

I aged years last night
worrying about you,

though you would never know it
because of my fabulous skin.

- It's like a fine
Dutch porcelain.
- Thank you.

Would
"just a guidance counselor"
say something that personal?

I don't think so.

Look, I'm really sorry
that you were worried.

I should have called.
The night got away from me.

Well, that makes
everything okay.

And that is sarcasm
as only a close friend
would recognize.

And may I ask where you slept?

I have the same question.

At Carmen's.

And what did Carmen's parents
have to say about that?

- She lives alone.
- Oh, Carmen lives alone.

Like the bawdy heroine
of a Danielle Steel novel.

No supervision,

just Sodom and Gomorrah
over at Carmen's place!

It's actually a--
a pleasant one-bedroom.

And that's the last time
you're ever gonna be
in that den of sin,

because I forbid you
from ever speaking
to Carmen again.

A line in the sand.

You can't forbid me
from seeing her.
We work together.

That harlot
is leading you astray.

It's none of your business,
but we just kissed.

Ugh! I don't need a recap
of the The Blue Lagoon.

Mom, come on. I'm almost 20.

I don't care
if you're almost 90.

If you're living under my roof,
you will live by my rules.

Maybe I'll live
under Carmen's roof!

She has way too much wicker
for a young person,

but I'll make do!

I had no interest
in listening to my mom,

but Joanne wanted to hear
some relationship advice
from Geoff.

Got a sec?

Sure. I'm just putting
some new laces
on Erica's favorite boots.

Really?
She asked you to do that?

Oh, I just do it
before she has to ask.

It's much better
for everyone that way.

That's kind of what I wanted
to talk to you about.

Is it me, or is it sometimes
hard to be in a relationship
with a Goldberg?

Sometimes?

Shut the door.

Barry's
been staying with me,
and Mom and Dad,

and it's been--

Difficult? Tricky? A minefield?

Yes! We're trying to help him,
but nothing we ever do
is good enough.

Goldberg children
were raised to believe

that the entire world
revolves around them.

And it is our job
as their significant other

to reinforce
that belief every day.

Here's a fun way
to think about it.

Why does this house
have so many chalkboards?

FISS? Is that a new cola
that'll put Barry to sleep?

It's the acronym that every
Goldberg significant other
must live by--

flatter, inflate their ego,
serve their every need,

and spoil them,
just like they're used to.

I'm not sure I can
or should do all of that.

Oh, believe me,
if you put your mind to it,
you can FISS.

You may not take as much joy
in FISS-ing as I do,

but that's because
I was born to FISS.

- You'll get there.
- Geoff!

Yo, those boots almost done?

Uh, yes, my combustible flower.

I'm so sorry for the delay.

It's just
I was talking to my sister,
but it won't happen again.

Cool, cool.

While Joanne realized

she needed to stay
one step ahead
of Barry's needs,

my mom was trying
to stay ahead of my love life.

Adam, thank God you're okay.

Brea, what are you doing here?

- I rushed here when I heard
about the accident.
- What accident?

Your mom said you were
in a horrible car wreck
and it was touch and go.

Oh, no, Brea,
you must have misheard me.

See, when Adam was four,
I was driving him to preschool,

and we got
in a little fender bender.

That is not at all
what you said.

Words, huh?

They mean different things
to different people.

Anyway, you're here now,

so why don't you two reconnect
over some blondies?

Mom, did you drag Brea
all the way down here
to see me?

"All the way down here"?
Don't be so dramatic.

Providence
is practically next door.

It was
six and a half hours by bus,

next to an asthmatic man
who kept passing out on me.

Exactly, easy breezy,
guy was wheezy.

You guys used to like
to watch movies, right?

Goonies, Say Anything,
ooh, Weekend at Bernie's.

The lead actor
is a dead human being.

Comedy!

Mom, you have crossed a line
from which there is no return!

What do you mean, Schmoo?

I just happened to call
your ex Brea,

who I have always adored,
by the way.

You made me sit alone
at Thanksgiving.

You called it the Brea table.

I thought you'd like
your own table, Princess.

Well, the point is,

you and Adam
were made for each other.

I finally see it now.

You're just pulling out
all the stops

'cause you don't want me
with Carmen.

- Carmen?
- A girl I'm kinda
seeing at work.

And somehow
it gets even more awkward.

So I did a little bit
of matchmaking.

But look at
how adorable Brea is.

You were in love
with her before.

Why don't you just jump
right back on that bike, huh?

Lucky me, I'm the bike here.

Get this through your head.

if you don't start
treating me like an adult,
you and I are finished.

I don't think
this was the best use
of my midterm week.

While I laid down
the law with my mom,

Joanne was trying to step up
her support of Barry,

starting with flattery.

Ooh!
There's my super-smart fella,
getting his immunology on.

You're in my light.

And what'd I say
about clomping around
in such loud shoes?

- I'm barefoot.
- Around this place?

Yuck.

She tried inflating his ego.

Congratulations,

you are Medical School Student
of the Month,

which is totally a real thing.

Great, just put it over there
where the others
will eventually go.

She tried serving him.

Six different types of salami,
just like you requested.

I requested seven.

- They were out of capicola.
- What?

At least tell me
they had all five
of the cheeses I asked for.

- No Havarti.
- It's not a party
without Havarti.

I have to walk this off.

And she tried spoiling him.

Okay. I washed your car,
I brushed your hair,

and I whispered,
"You're a champion,"
in your ear.

Fanning isn't working.
I'm still slightly dewy.

You could take
your sweater off.

It would take too long. Linda!

May I trouble you
for a freshly brewed iced tea
and three Popsicles?

Sorry, Barry, but Lou and I
have to suddenly go away.

Where are you going?

We'll think of somewhere
in the car.

- No one can live like this.
- Go, go, go, go, go.

Ah, just as well.
I don't think they knew
how distracting they were.

With that,
Joanne finally had enough.

You know what? You suck.

- What?
- All I've done
is try to help you,

but you just keep
demanding more.

You've chased my parents away,

and all you think about
is yourself.

Joanne, you know I'm going
through a difficult time.

What if I can't make it
in med school

and don't become
a top-ranked surgeon?

Barry, that doesn't give you
the right to be awful.

You know what?
Go FISS yourself.

My mom
finally understood

that she'd pushed me
too far about Carmen,

and she was determined
to make it right.

Oh, hello, Carmen.

Oh, you must be Beverly.

- How did you know?
- Adam described you.

You are pretty unmistakable.

Yes, yes.
I am a blonde bombshell.

His words probably.

He's in the back.
I'll go get him.

Oh, actually,
I wanted to speak to you.

Speak to me?

Adam was right,
he is an adult man
with adult needs.

O-kay.

Therefore, the two of you
are welcome to use our home

whenever you like
as your love nest.

- Oh, boy.
- There's a working Jacuzzi
in the basement.

It takes about four hours
to properly heat.

- I don't need to know this.
- The weekend of the 16th,

I will be in Delaware
at a sweater expo.

You might want to circle
those dates in your calendar.

- Why would I--
- We're not big drinkers,

but in the garage
there are wine coolers,

- Chablis...
- Oh.

...beer with a blue ribbon
on it, signifying quality.

- Mm.
- Please help yourselves

to whatever would set
an adult mood.

- I'm rarely
uncomfortable, but--
- Oh!

There's a baby
living in our house,

so I would ask that you keep
the sounds of your passion
down to a reasonable volume.

Okay, that's enough. Um...

Adam is a very sweet guy,

but we're just getting
to know each other.

That's all that's going on.

- I see.
- I know I'm not the one
to tell you this,

but if Adam
was in college right now,

he would be meeting new people,

trying new things,
even making mistakes,

and you would not be there
for any of that.

So what are you saying?

I'm saying,
if you want to continue
having a relationship

with your son into adulthood,
you gotta give him some space.

You make some
good points.

I'm pretty smart for someone
who skipped college.

- You skipped college?
- I'm gonna go.

Oh, my dear God.

Carmen had given my mom
a lot to think about.

And Barry was still thinking
about how badly
he'd messed up with Joanne.

- Hey.
- What's wrong?
Another bad grade?

Yeah.

I'm failing as a boyfriend.

Yeah, I get it.

I know I could be better
to Geoff sometimes.

Did Mom just raise us
to be the worst?

No. Mom made us
the center of her universe
and always put our needs first.

The only problem
is that we kind of grew up

expecting everyone else
in the world to treat us
the way that she does.

Well, you're the center
of Geoff's universe.

There's nobody like Geoff.

God bless him,
he wakes up thinking

about how to make
my life better.

You're pretty lucky.

The luckiest.

But one day the dam might break

and he'll have a full meltdown,

which will cause me
to face some difficult truths
about myself,

but until then,
I got it pretty good.

Yeah, but Joanne's
not like that.

No, she's not.
She's a tough cookie.

But trust me,
when you're with a Schwartz,

you do not want to lose them.

I think I finally get it.

Good.

Now tell Geoff to get in here.

I gotta tell that sexy dork
how much I love him.

Love can take many forms.

Sometimes it's about
giving people space.

Got a sec?

I guess.

A wise person has told me
I've been too controlling
with my very adult son.

That person
makes a lot of sense.

Look, I know
I've said this before,

but I am gonna try
to back off a little.

I would appreciate that,

but it is also nice to know
how much you care.

And I'll never stop.

But to that end,
uh, the next time
you're gonna be late...

- I'll call.
- You better.

♪ Is it so wrong
to be human after all? ♪

Other times,
it's just about showing

how much you appreciate them.

What's all this?

You guys tried so hard to help,

it's the least I can do.

But don't you have to study?

Ah, it can wait.

My whole life, being a doctor
was the most important
thing to me,

but then I met you.

♪ We're only human after all ♪

♪ Oh, these changing years ♪

Let's eat.

But one thing
that's as true now
as it was in the '80s

and the '50s...

...is that if you have
people around you

who give you what you need...

- Wait, no, w-wait.
- What?

Sit.

...you're never fully
on your own.

♪ Because there's something
About you, baby ♪

♪ So right ♪

Adam, do you know
how I got in here just now?

- You walked.
- Yes, but first I used this.

I'm pretty sure
it was unlocked.

Well, I could've used this.
Do you know what this is?

A key to the Goldberg home.

And why would I be entrusted
with such a precious item?

- I bet you're gonna tell me.
- It's a token of my place

as the unspoken official member
of your family.

Let's emphasize
the unspoken part.

I was at all your graduations,

Erica's wedding reception,

and when baby Muriel
came home from the hospital,

who was the 13th person
to hold her?

Someone who loves to interrupt
a man's breakfast?

John Latifa Glascott,

the permanent holder
of the golden key of trust.

Oh! There's my emergency spare.

Ginzy's back home
from vacation,

so it's hers again.

Rats and mice! I was so close.

I'm taking an orange.