Original subtitles

Hi, I'm Jackie, and I'm an addict.

The weirdest thing happened to me the other day.

An old using buddy called me out of the blue and asked me if I wanted to come

by. And my head said, I can, I'm in the program, I'm really doing well this

time. But my mouth said, I'll see you in an hour, and my feet put my ass on a

bus. The next thing you know, I'm in her, well, I really wouldn't call it her

apartment, more like a hole carved out in hell.

And I'm watching her tie off, and I know she's not feeling any pain, but I am.

And she asked me if I want a hit. And my head said, hell yes, but my mouth says

no, no.

And all of a sudden, my head starts yelling at my mouth, mouth, why the fuck

you saying no? But it's too late, because I'm already out the door.

See, I wanted to use, but the weird thing was, I didn't.

It wasn't rude to wear your name.

And now I've got to pay.

No matter where I go, somebody's got to see. I've got to see the basics, I don't

know any real.

Where will I find someone to understand?

From where will this ride ever let me land?

As for suggestions, you know, I want to know what my customers think. Why?

Why do you want to know what I think?

I don't know what I think.

I don't need this pressure.

Can't you run your own damn business?

Let me rephrase that. I'm only interested in suggestions from customers

remember to take their meds.

I could use some suggestions for my life.

Of course, first I need to get a life.

You have a great life.

You're sober.

For now.

You have friends who love you. Not a girlfriend.

And a really good attitude.

Yeah, the point is that maybe your life isn't perfect, but we support you. Oh,

I'm glad to hear that, you know, because I can't pay the rent. Again!

Would you get a job, you freeloading junkie?

Kidding, kidding. Although I am going to start claiming you as a dependent on my

taxes. Wow.

You pay taxes?

Yeah.

Well, I've got to go. I have an interview for a job I'm not going to

wish me luck. You're not going to get it. Bye -bye, girl.

I really hope she gets it.

She's had such a tough time lately.

Oh. Oh.

Speaking of time, I need you to call Sid and tell her I'm running late because I

burst an appendix and had to have another one put in. Why don't you just

now? You'll get there on time.

Why should I?

I mean, for me to arrive there at all is an accomplishment. And do you know she

has never mentioned it once?

So until she praises me for arriving when I do, I don't see any reason to get

there early.

I mean, who does she think she is?

Your boss.

For what?

I mean, if we lived in a different place at a different time, I might be her

boss. For that matter, I might be your boss. And as your boss, I am telling you

to call her and tell her just a little white lie.

Those are things, little white lies. They're all big and black. Much like the

guy who beat me up the last time I told a lie for you. You know what? It's not

my fault that you don't know how to talk to repo men.

Fine. I'll go.

You know, you'd think for once Sid could get her own coffee. I mean, do I look

like some idiot who wants to spend the rest of my life serving people coffee?

Oh. Have a good day.

So I didn't shoot up at my friend's house, and I didn't shoot up at

or walking down the street, or any of the other thousands of times I wanted

Today.

God damn it, where did she put them?

How am I supposed to run a business when I can't find what I need?

Oh.

Hey there.

Sorry I'm late. You know, rush hour traffic was murder.

Rush hour ended in this time zone two hours ago, so that's not much of an

excuse, unless you drove here from Hawaii.

Um, I don't suppose you'd believe I was location scouting. No, because that

would mean you were actually working.

You know, Sid, I would love to chat, but time is money.

Well, since you're an hour late, you owe me ten bucks.

But honestly, Sid, what would I have done in an hour? I mean, by the time I

here, take my jacket off, make coffee, check messages, it's usually right about

now. So what you're saying is I should pay you 50 bucks a week less?

Did I say that?

I start pre -production tomorrow morning. I'm going to need you here at 7

7 a .m.? Is that a film term?

Uh, yes. Like action, cut, or you're fired.

Oddly enough, those are the last three things I heard when I was an actress.

Followed by...

Call security.

Back to your present job. Take this piece of shit vampire script and shred

The writer's so bad, I should drive a stake through his heart.

What I need is a hip, edgy Dracula.

How about, um... Cataracula.

He's blind as a bat.

You get it? He can't see.

No. I got it.

Prozacula. The reason he lives by night is he's too depressed to get out of his

coffin in the morning.

What about... Flacula.

He's a Gen X vampire.

He sleeps in a coffin in his parents' basement.

Hey, I think you've got something there.

Flacula. He feeds off the blood of others because he's too lazy to get a

Yeah. Yeah, he's immortal.

So he has an eternity to waste.

This could really get the 20 -something audience.

Wow.

Maybe you're not the fuck -up I thought you were.

Ah, don't kid yourself.

I am.

Nobody knows what's going on inside of me.

I mean, people are talking to me, and it looks like I'm listening to them, but

honestly, I can't hear anything over the voice in my head constantly saying, I

want to get high, I want to get high, I want to get high.

This sucks!

I was expecting some criticism or even outright slants, but not this. Look at

the trash!

Use napkin, gum.

There's a condom wrapper.

Maybe someone is trying to suggest that you practice safe sex.

The only thing that suggests to me is that I've got to put some surveillance

cameras up in the men's room. No.

I mean, you don't need to do that. Why would you want to do that?

Why would you not want me to?

No reason, no reason.

Stan, please, call your shrink.

We don't want a repeat of the spatula incident, Stan.

Oh, yeah, you really flipped out.

I hate you all.

All I wanted was some helpful suggestions.

Here's one.

Why don't you change shampoos?

You're getting a little flaky.

It doesn't pertain to my business.

Sadly enough, it does.

Look at my donuts.

That's coconut.

Hey, Jackie, how'd the interview go? Well, say hello to the new assistant

manager of... nothing.

Oh, well, don't worry, kid. You'll get the next one. I don't think so.

I've had more bad interviews than Tom Snyder. You know, as far as I'm

it's their loss.

Well, that's what I'm going to write on my visa bill. It's your loss.

Have a cup of coffee.

Now I'm officially broke.

No, on the house.

Look, someone will hire you. Well, maybe you could call someone and let them

know.

Eh, come on. It'll work out.

Got to have faith.

I don't have enough energy to have faith. All I have is the energy not to

Which is an amazing accomplishment which no one can take from you.

Unfortunately, it doesn't pay that well.

You have enough cash to make it through today?

Yeah, sure, if I don't eat.

Here, take this and don't you even think about trying to pay me back. Dinner

tonight is on me. And until then, here, have a doughnut.

Is it coconut?

Baby, they're all coconut.

Nothing can kill Count Slacular, except maybe for a nine -to -five job. That is

the worst audition I've ever seen. You want direction?

Try East.

Go back to Boise. Become a shit farmer like the rest of your family.

Who's next?

I'm sorry I'm late, but I have a really good excuse. Better than yesterday's?

Oh, yeah. My car got stolen. I had to fill out all these police reports. It

a nightmare.

Looks like having you as the secretary.

When you mock me, please don't use the word secretary. It's demeaning.

How about ex -secretary? Actually, secretary has a nice ring to it. So do

phones. Try answering them.

Does anybody here own that black Jetta downstairs with the license plate Billy

F.? You know, it's got an emerald bumper sticker.

Couldn't be yours. It was stolen.

Obviously.

Well, it's being towed.

Wow, I gotta see that.

Max.

I want to get high, even though it doesn't work anymore.

And all I have left is a memory of how it used to be.

You know, I would give anything to have that feeling again.

You know, that sense of peace I felt the first time I shut up.

You think you had a bad day. Try working for Sid Vicious.

How many of you go shopping for coffins?

You don't know how until you've haggled with an undertaker over a used coffin.

What do you mean, used coffin? Who returns a coffin?

The relatives of the recently cremated.

I mean, once Grandpa's a cinder, you might as well get your money back and

nice hat or something.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God, Jackie.

Oh, my God, she OD'd again.

Fuck, is she breathing?

No, no, I can't get a pulse either.

Cold as ice. I'll call 911.

Yeah.

Shit.

What do I say, Dave? What do I tell him?

What do I tell him?

Tell him she's dead.

Oh, my God.

Wait.

Thanks.

The manager of the trailer park said he hasn't seen Jackie's mother in weeks.

Right, of course not.

Why would she be around when Jackie really needs her? Where the fuck are the

paramedics? They said they'd be here 20 minutes ago.

They probably only rush if it's a celebrity. I should have told them she

Smashing Pumpkin.

Are you going to make a joke?

Yeah, okay, I'm upset, all right? That's what Jews do when we get upset. We make

jokes. Catholics drink, so what the hell am I supposed to do?

I don't know.

All I know is our best friend is lying there... not living.

Can't we just wait out in the hallway?

I really think we should be here with her. Why? In case she takes a turn for

worse?

I need a cigarette so bad.

up. I mean, that's what you're supposed to do, Dave. Not with you, I think, Jay.

Well, it's not my fault you don't have the times.

Use this, all right?

Okay. You know, just pull it down a little bit.

Too far.

Pull it back.

Just a little. We're not hanging a painting, okay?

Thank God. Pizza.

No, you got the wrong apartment.

Oh, um, that's for me.

1250. You ordered a pizza.

That's what Jews do when bad things happen, okay? We eat. We eat and we tell

jokes. What do you do when you're happy? Eat and joke. We're always eating is

what I'm saying. And the more upset we are, the more we eat, which is why I

ordered a large.

Could you speed things up? You're not the only hungry Jew in L .A.

I've only got five bucks. I've got three.

Not my proudest moment, but I'm hungry and I'll pay her back.

Hello, hi, hello.

I think you gave me this by mistake.

Oh.

Thanks.

What's that?

I guess it was in her pocket. It's a note.

It's just to you.

Dear Dave, you asked for suggestions, and since I can't pay the rent, I

I could at least give you this.

Please fix the stools. They're wobbly.

Not that it's that big of a deal, but when you're sitting, you like to feel...

I don't understand.

Why'd she start using again?

I don't know.

All I know is I'm going to pick this stool because that's what she asked me

do.

You know what I wish?

That she was still alive?

Well, of course, but barring that, I wish she'd been in some kind of accident

because then I'd know how to feel.

Is that what's important, how you feel?

Yes, because that's who left.

People get to be selfish when they're alive because they have a self. Her self

is dead.

And if she wanted me to think about her more, she'd fucking be here, wouldn't

she? You know what I mean?

I don't know what you mean. I don't know what any of this means. I really don't,

you know?

I mean, why can I stay sober and she can't? Or couldn't? If I'm sober by the

grace of God, why did God help me and not her? I don't deserve it. She does. I

don't understand anything. I don't understand anything.

Stupid stool. It's so wobbly. It makes a stupid stool.

Hey.

Hello?

Yeah, that's me.

Yeah.

Yes, yes, she used me as her contact person, yes.

I thought she had an overdose.

Really?

Yes, then you can have my permission, of course.

What?

That was the hospital. They want to know if they can have Jackie's organs for a

transplant.

Apparently she did not.

O .D.

But we saw the needle in her arm. Man, those HMOs are so vain.

There's nothing in the needle.

What's the fun in that?

I mean, I always thought it was the heroin that was bad. Who knew it was the

needles?

She committed suicide.

She ejected an air bubble.

Jesus.

Yeah.

Why? I don't know.

Because the stools were wobbly? I don't know.

That hardly seems like a good enough reason.

Maybe some things are just...

I just want to crawl into bed.

What?

I just assume you don't want to spend the night alone.

Well, is it me you're worried about or you?

Okay, me.

I don't think I can sleep in my apartment.

Fine, but I'm not in the mood to have sex.

And I want to go on record as saying that's a first.

All I want to do is go to sleep.

It's also a first.

But you have to promise not to talk about Jackie anymore.

She's going to make me feel more guilty.

Why would you feel guilty?

Another Jewish thing persecuted for thousands of years and we still ask

ourselves, was it something I said?

Come on, I can't sleep on this side of the bed.

Oh, fine, we'll switch.

Now

what?

I can't sleep on this side of the bed either.

Where the hell can you sleep?

In you.

Come on.

Come on, it's a Catholic thing.

No wonder there are so many of you.

Thanks.

And what's the excuse today?

Held up by terrorists in the elevator again?

Look, I can't work today. And how will that be different from any other day?

Because I won't be here.

Oh, well, now, normally when someone quits, I ask them to type up a letter of

resignation, but you type so badly, I'd probably get a letter of res -neglation.

Look, I'm not quitting. I just have to take the day off to go to a funeral.

Oh, right. And where's this funeral?

At the mall?

No, really.

My best friend killed herself last night, and the memorial service starts

hour. Well, you better hurry, then. Really?

Of course.

But before you go, bring me that file of resumes labeled secretaries who use

their hands to type, not yank my chain.

Sid, I'm not lying this time.

So you admit you were lying the other times. Yes.

In a way.

I mean, I can't remember all the other times.

Because you're a liar.

Look, I'm trying to think of a nice way to say this, but what else can I say?

I mean, what else can you call somebody who lies all the time except a liar?

This liar's got to go.

Billy, if you walk out that door, don't bother to come back.

You know what?

You're right. You have every reason not to believe me and to fire me, and

there's really nothing I can say, but I'm sorry, okay?

I have to go.

Hey, wait a minute. You're really crying, and I know you're not a good

actress to fake that, which means you're telling the truth, which means...

I'm being horribly cruel right now.

All right.

Go.

Before I hurt your feelings again.

Thank you, Sid.

See you tomorrow.

On time.

Well,

thank you all for coming here today to remember Jackie.

You know how much she hated having her picture taken, so that's the only one I

could find of her.

At least, I think it's her.

Could be a relative or a family friend, I don't know.

Anyway, it was in her room, so, you know, if it's not her, at least it's

I don't know what I'm saying. I don't know what I'm doing. I just know what

feeling.

Sad.

And a little sick.

Excuse me.

We're waiting while Dave vomits.

See what happens when you're late.

Dave will be okay.

He's never buried a fellow member of the program before. I have.

Many, many times.

And each time I'm reminded of what a killer disease we're fighting.

This disease wants us dead.

Killed the little girl in that picture.

And it killed lots of my buddies and now many who had children waiting for them

at home around the same age as Jackie was in that picture. Make no mistake, if

the drugs did not take Jackie down, the disease did.

If you want Jackie's life to have any meaning, please, people, take care of

other. Take care of yourselves.

I'm sorry about that.

Anybody else want to say a few words about Jackie?

Billy?

Me?

Now? You could do it later. None of us are going to be here then.

Well, good point. I think I'll wait till then.

Because I didn't prepare anything.

Because I didn't know that she was going to kill herself.

And, you know, maybe I could have helped to prevent it or at the very least

prepared something to say.

Billy.

Could you ramble up here? Because I've got to go back to the men's room and

stop.

Glad I didn't put those surveillance cameras in there.

Yes.

Boy, some people sure don't know how to handle their emotion.

I don't want to be up here.

I don't.

I just want to...

Put makeup on with Jackie or have a cigarette with her, just hang out with

I guess I liked being with her more than she liked being with me or she'd be

here right now instead of this picture of, you know, whoever that is.

And I just want to say, Jackie, if you can

hear me, I love you.

And, um, I'm sorry that it wasn't enough.

I'm exhausted.

Couldn't cry anymore if I wanted to.

I have no bodily fluids left. Ask me to pee? I can't.

Remember to take that off of my request list.

Could you hand me a dustpan?

Wow.

That is, like, on the top of my list of things I thought I'd never say. Up there

with timber and, uh...

Diamonds you shouldn't have.

What the hell are you doing?

Well, everyone else uses your suggestion box as a trash can. Why can't I?

Because you're my friend.

Hey, got a suggestion in there.

Weird day.

I know this must come as a shock to you, but I've been thinking about doing this

for a long time.

Wow, you sure put a lot of thought into their suggestions.

No, no, no. This is Jackie's note.

She must have put the wrong one in the box.

I don't know if you can understand this, and I hope you never feel the way I do,

but after ten years of trying, I've realized I can't use any more, and I

live sober, so suicide seems like the only solution for me.

Please don't blame yourself.

Nothing you could have done to stop me.

I'm leaving you my extensive collection of lesbian porn.

You can watch them with Billy.

That's one habit I don't think you'll be able to break.

And speaking of habits, I'll miss having cigarettes with both of you.

Keep my motto alive.

Cigarettes, not regrets.

I thought her motto was lick them and leave them.

No, that's my motto.

Right.

Please don't be mad. I just really need some peace.

You two are the main reasons I stuck around as long as I did.

I love you both so much. Be there for each other, Jackie.

I was wrong about that all -done -crying thing.

What do we do now?

You read the letter.

Cigarette? No regrets.

To Jackie.

To Jack.

They say that youth is wasted on the young.

And I spent my entire youth wasted.

I guess if I had my life to live over again...

I wouldn't.

But then, that's me.

My alarm clock didn't go off. I forgot to set it. They got ripped on

my undies because I didn't pet it. I didn't win the lottery.

I guess I didn't bet it. This way of life has no way out to say the least. I

said it was a ruse.

The start of the longest day.

It was a rude awakening.

And now I just have to pay and pay.