Original subtitles

Skirt-Lift was his nickname Before he could even say...

Skirt-Lift was his nickname Before he could even say his name

THE EDIFYING AND JOYOUS STORY OF COLINOT THE SKIRT-LIFT

Such a cute little child

Colinot!

He grew up, not too ugly

Son of his mother and father Horrible, very ugly and prosperous

Or his mother and the priest

But it doesn't matter, really

What matters is he was born

So that this tale...

What matters is he was born So that this tale could be told

Let's get to that morning

When, taking his goats to the fields

Colinot, for the first time, saw

Bergamotte going to the well

Though she came from another land From Bergamo

In Lombardy

She seemed prettier to him Than all the shepherdesses in France

This songsmith will play his flute for you.

When a young man marries

Farewell to the joyful...

When a young man marries

Farewell to the joyful life

You must toil, earn your bread

Feed your wife and kids

Soon, cries and worries

Replace games and laughter

As water rose from the well

He didn't think of that

And upon the fearless damsel

He cast his eyes...

And upon the fearless damsel

He cast his eyes and heart

I will bless your engagement.

This is not a wedding.

Don't confuse the two, my daughter.

Yes, Father!

What happened to you, Skirt-Lift?

He's all wet.

Attention!

Who's that... big boar?

A visitor at the castle.

His face is as nice as our mule's behind.

Which one is the fiancée?

Bergamotte, over here.

Nice livestock, cousin.

It's day, said the lark

It's day, said the lark

Let's play before it's dark.

Let's play before it's dark He won't miss the mark

To do that thing that makes him bark

He won't miss the mark To do that thing that makes him bark

It's day, said the lark

Let's play before it's dark

He won't miss the mark To do that thing that makes him bark

I'll bless your engagement.

It's not a wedding.

Do not confuse the two, my son.

It's daytime, said the lark

Let's play before it's dark

I don't want to miss the mark And do the thing that'll make me bark

Pretty girl, when will you be mine?

Too much running.

My heart is pounding.

My heart is pounding, Colinot.

Yes, it is...

but not enough for me.

I hear music.

The village must be close.

It's about time, I'm hungry.

I'm suddenly feeling tired.

I'll stay here a while, under this welcoming shade.

We're almost there, Brother Robichon.

I swear, my legs are like jelly.

But you're on your horse.

My backside hurts a lot.

We'll wait for you in the village.

Not so fast, Colinot.

Colinot...

Well, good day, Father.

Who's speaking?

If they ask at the monastery who broke your nose,

say it was Colinot, holy father.

My eyes are weak, alas, with age.

I mistook you for a grazing sheep.

A grazing sheep, really?

Now it's your turn to graze.

Brother Robichon!

Where are you?

Here! Over here!

I retraced my steps,

I was worried you might be unwell.

-Heavens! What happened to you? -Alas...

I fell.

Let's stir the straw

On the pretty rush

I saw under the shade of a bush

A tall girl

Colinot, did you get your crossbow all set up?

I saw under the shade of a bush

Mind your own business,

and leave Colinot's crossbow alone.

Lovely morning

On the fresh dew

Where have you been, Bergamotte?

We can fight in the orchard or the room.

I was in the orchard.

Let's die once more

Let's die once more

For such a death revives me

And when night fell

All had drunk, many snored

Passing by, three strangers On horseback stopped

I don't need wine to feel drunk.

Bergamotte, my little mound!

Bergamotte!

Bergamotte!

And when dawn broke

He hadn't found her

One of those strangers Had taken her away

Without a moment's thought

Colinot mounted his horse And spurred it on

He set off to find his other half

Who had been stolen from him

Filthy horse! It peed.

Goodbye, you big wine bag.

Colinot!

Wait for me!

Where are you going?

I'm going to find Bergamotte and marry her, as I decided.

Hurry up.

He doesn't know how! He's never run before.

Bergamotte's hat.

Clever girl threw it here to show us the way.

There are three of them, on the road to Orléans.

Got it! He learned how to run!

Some maidens are going to cry,

seeing the village's two finest men leave.

I need to set my crossbow.

It's in the way as I ride.

Keep watch, men. This won't take long.

-Colinot? -Yes.

I fell asleep.

Let go of me, gargoyle head.

A real wildcat.

Your teeth are rotten.

Your breath stinks worse than my goats' balls!

With such a small, soft package, you think you scare me?

-Want her for yourself, Breadwinner? -No.

Go back to keeping watch.

Breadwinner... you've got the soft heart of a maiden.

One-eye, let her go.

The little lump quivers around me

I'm strong enough To withstand the cannon

Speak quickly, boy, what do you want?

Colinot, time is pressing.

Get this knife out of me.

A knife? Where?

Put me on your horse.

Take me where I tell you.

No.

Can't do, my friend.

There's an inn at the edge of the woods.

You'll take me there.

I'll tell you about Bergamotte.

There was a shepherdess Sleeping in a green bush

Singing a little song

Alas! Why won't anyone marry me?

The little lump quivers around me

I'm strong enough To endure the cannon

I'm strong enough To endure the ca--

This man asked me to bring him here.

In three days, in Bourges,

there's a big fair with many merchants.

That's where the Matchmaker will go with your Bergamotte.

I don't know for how long.

The Matchmaker?

In common speech, it means executioner.

And you, what's your name?

Jacquinot, called Breadwinner.

Tell me, Breadwinner,

did you take that knife for Bergamotte?

I rob the rich and seduce their wives,

but I don't like harming innocent people.

Where's the sun now?

Way up high.

The Matchmaker left when the sun was low.

You can't catch up to him.

In Bourges, in the square,

you'll see the Golden Lion tavern. In three days,

wait for me there until the sixth hour.

If... I'm not there by then,

I won't be coming.

The dirt is blocking the view.

Move on.

OK, go on.

We can't ride all night anymore.

No, we'd get lost. Let's find a place to stay. At dawn,

we'll leave.

Everyone's happy.

It's nice to spend money here.

Everyone's happy here.

Burgundy onions!

Stop him, he stole my cauliflower.

You fool!

Take your mistress to the church office at Notre-Dame

without delay.

Oh my, get off her!

You told me to take her to mass.

How did you plan to take her, fool?

Like I used to take our mare out to graze.

I just jumped on her, and off she went.

Scram!

Where are you from, friends?

Near Chartres.

God bless you. I'm from there too.

Out of 15 hoteliers in this town, 14 are scoundrels.

I have the honor of serving the 15th, an honest and loyal man.

Would you like to enjoy his hospitality?

If it's cheap.

Yes, our pockets are emptier than our pants.

The lovely cherubs.

The lovely cherubs.

Fine lace, my good masters?

Get lost, Margaux, or you'll taste my shoe.

Don't follow this beanpole, my lords.

He's a crook, and so is his master.

These girls pretend to sell lace,

but they sell something else in their shop on Sausage-Pull Street.

Master, I bring you two travelers from my country.

Come in.

You'll be well taken care of here.

Do you have good beds?

Nice and soft?

The best for miles.

Let us taste your wine.

The thief!

Scoundrel! Who are you mocking,

devil's innkeeper?

Who's shouting here?

It's Tournebœuf, who won't pay two sous

to drink your wife's urine.

That's Epernay wine.

The same one that you tasted.

I think this man is right.

I like your face.

It's honest, open.

Won't you drink with me?

I'll get a cup.

No, it's fine. Let me serve you.

Let's drink to your inn and your spirit,

good man.

I always start by wandering...

Alright.

I ask each of them where they work.

Quick, prepare a room for their lordships.

Light the fire, put the capons on the spit.

Let's go. Move it!

Please, take a seat, my lords.

Where shall we sit, fair lady?

In an orchard, under the hawthorn blossoms,

we shall sit.

Allow me to offer you this spot,

my lords, fair lady. No hawthorns here,

but there are curtains.

Allow me, fair lady,

to offer you my finest wine.

Draw the curtains, light the fire, and bring your wine.

Swill for our throats,

wenches for our balls.

That's God's will.

Here are the nice beds he promised us.

Judging by the smell,

this is where travelers come to relieve themselves.

The night is short for those who sleep.

What language are those people speaking?

You call that talking?

They were shouting.

People want to sleep.

Keep it down.

Their lordships are asleep.

Spring is a beautiful season.

My behind!

My behind!

I'm dying.

All my blood is flowing out.

Better a cut purse string

than a cut throat.

Thank you, Lord, for saving us.

Yeah...

Good grief!

Good grief, the big cheese!

Do not laugh at me, my good woman.

The soul doesn't escape through holes in the ass,

or else we'd all be dead.

Thieves robbed us.

It'd be a shame if they killed you,

cute little guy.

They only killed me.

Hot out, huh?

I live here alone.

My husband is right down there though.

I buried him here, so I can talk to him.

Is he dead?

I didn't bury him alive.

I must keep going.

Can you look after my friend?

Here, he'll only have the sound of bells to chew on.

Huh?

Go, my friend.

Go, and may God keep you safe.

Goodbye, Tournebœuf. Goodbye, good woman.

Our Lord has too much to do.

Watch out for yourself, little one.

In Bourges...

in two days.

Among all flowers The rose is beautiful

And then, I think, the violet

The lily is beautiful and the parsley

The gladiolus is pleasant and perfect

And many love the columbine

This water looks so cool.

I want to swim in it.

The lily of the valley, the marigold

Wait. Look, the reeds are moving.

There's someone in the water.

No, it was the breeze.

No, nothing's moving.

Look, there's a dress in the grass.

It's a young lady.

Little girl!

Who's calling me?

Swimmers, like you.

I told you someone was there.

Little girl, where are you?

Here I am.

Little girl, why are you hiding?

I was afraid of being seen like this, without my dress.

Little girl,

what's your name?

Colinette.

How do you do that?

It just comes to me!

I grew up near a river.

Colinette, be an angel.

Teach me to float on the river just like you.

Give me your hands,

and don't put your feet on the riverbed.

Not like that, hold on to me completely!

Move your arms... and your legs.

-Lord Jesus, a snake! -Where?

In my hand, underwater.

I'm not letting go.

It's not a snake.

Laugh quieter, naughty boy.

I have to go, I'll say goodbye.

Go then.

Your hand...

Why the rush?

I have to be in Bourges in two days.

Are you going to wear boy's clothes?

What else should I wear?

If you have any friendship for me, I beg you this:

My husband is jealous and violent.

If he found out from those gossips there was a man here,

he might lock me up, beat me,

or take away my jam.

Please, put this on.

Goodbye, milady.

Goodbye, little girl.

Goodbye.

Where's your horse?

Under a rogue's behind, my purse on its back.

How do you plan to be in Bourges in two days?

God will help me.

I think He already has.

I can get you what you need before nightfall

if you do as I say.

Dame Rosemonde! My goodness,

my dress is gone.

Can't I make you forget your fiancée?

No.

Even holding me in your arms, you only think of her?

Yes.

Colinot, you're a young rooster.

When the day breaks,

you must sing.

I won't sing until I find Bergamotte.

I swore it.

My thoughts are with her. Only my body is here.

Look at my husband with those eyes...

and, stingy as he is, he'll give you anything you want.

He'll be back soon for dinner.

He's vain and lecherous.

That's how you'll get to him.

But you'll have to hide your hairy legs!

If I didn't love Bergamotte so much,

I very well think...

I would come closer, lift off your dress,

and you'd take off mine.

Maybe I'd love you like I love my Bergamotte.

Who is she?

I found her alone, swimming in the pond.

Her troubles and beauty moved me.

You have such a kind, generous heart,

and such a bright mind,

and I, myself, am such a simpleton.

You're the only one who can help the poor girl.

What's troubling her?

Ask her. I'll leave you with her.

My dear lord... It seems dinner will be late.

Don't scare her too much.

Look at me.

A very strange look.

A witch's look...

that strangely excites me.

I scare you and you smile?

Your body is firm...

young filly.

She-devil! I'll burn you.

I'll tame you, tigress.

I'll crush you.

I'll pierce you.

Evil creature! You'll drive me mad.

What do you want from me?

Gifts?

Don't worry.

He won't break down his own door.

Little girl...

I know you're in there.

Quick, you've got me feverish.

Your enchanting eyes bewitched me.

Girl...

I hear you, you cheeky thing.

Answer me.

Here, then. Take this!

Will you send that back too?

And that?

And that? And that?

You'll find your clothes in that chest.

Will you ever open this door for me?

Do you want to annoy me?

You want me to bow down...

and beg you?

Here I am, begging.

That house over there is a horse dealer.

You'll find what you need.

Get down now, and let us say our goodbyes.

Goodbye then.

You have my purse. What will I have to remember you by?

I bit your husband's hand.

In memory of you, I'd like something else.

If you don't mind, of course.

A kiss?

Yes, a kiss.

For my horse.

I don't kiss men who don't love me.

Why are you taking that animal away?

I was starting to fall for him. His kiss was intoxicating.

Finally!

There you are.

Handsome men at the gallows Beautiful women in the brothel

I'm late, I know, but let's not waste time.

You look thirsty.

-Drink. -Why yes,

I am thirsty.

Let's go.

We have to find them as soon as we can.

No need to rush.

They'll be where they are for a good while.

Could it be I'm finally reaching my goal

and soon I'll be with you, my darling?

-Here we are. -Will you show me?

The Matchmaker...

One-Eye...

and... Breadwinner.

And Bergamotte?

No women up there.

They were bled dry when hanged.

-You were there? -Yes,

among the onlookers who like to see death coming.

One-eye and the Matchmaker weren't looking good.

The Matchmaker shouted...

"Lord Jesus, forgive me.

"It's poverty's fault."

Good old Matchmaker.

Let's talk elsewhere.

While you were dawdling, here's what I found out.

This morning, at dawn, in the forest...

while the Matchmaker was robbing a merchant,

along came

a knight and some squires.

This knight...

He cut them both up,

then handed them to the watch,

who hung them up to dry.

As for the lady...

they took her with them.

A drink, innkeeper.

This knight was the lord of Plassac Castle,

near Angoulême.

Look at my forehead. See any horns growing?

Not yet.

Alright.

Goodbye.

Thanks.

If I hadn't fought for your girl,

I'd be swinging up there too.

If you ever see her again, friend...

tell her Breadwinner thanks her.

I was ready to face anything to find Bergamotte.

I hadn't thought about the horns.

To take the road to Angoulême,

is there another way besides your boat?

If you don't like my boat, my friend,

20 leagues away, there's a ford upriver.

No way

we're crossing with that boy and his animal.

Take us across, my girl. Come back for him after.

Ask around if anyone ever told Bertrade

what to do on her boat.

Who?

Bertrade, who's talking to you now

and says that that horse is lighter than you, Brother.

I fear they'll find me before I find the ford.

Don't sigh so much, Brother Albaret,

you're tipping the boat.

What are you afraid of?

If we capsize, you'll go straight to heaven.

I'll go to hell for all my sins.

Lucas, here are three travelers who'll sleep here.

Night falls, and so does the rain.

We can feed them.

They have to pay the price.

Come in, this is where you'll sleep.

If our Lord sends us sleep.

Have you ferried many people

on your boat since this morning?

Enough to make my arm hurt.

Did you happen to ferry across a knight and his entourage?

A blonde girl?

I don't ferry horses, and they had eight.

-I sent them to the ford. -What did you think?

Your horse had beautiful eyes.

Really? So you think you saw them?

Besides them, I only saw merchants and pilgrims.

How was the young girl?

Blonde, like you said.

Happy or upset?

Why should I tell you all this?

For my horse's pretty eyes.

Sleep, Brother Albaret.

I hear a strange noise, a sort of... A whistle.

Come check, Brother Hugo.

He has very long knives.

Why's that surprising? He's a butcher.

Now, Brother Albaret, sleep.

The sound of your knives is driving me crazy.

Tomorrow, I'll see to our Capuchins.

There's a big fat one to cut up...

maybe even two.

Did you hear that, Brother Hugo?

My leg is broken. Brother Hugo, don't leave me,

for the love of our Lord!

Cursed, heartless, skinny monk.

A shack.

He won't think to look for me here,

with his pigs.

What's wrong with you?

Feels like I'm riding a corpse.

No need to shout.

Your wife doesn't like pleasure.

If she did, she'd make you a cuckold.

Come out, master Capuchin.

Today, I'll have your sausages.

Please...

don't commit this great sin.

Saint Francis is punishing us for naming our pigs Capuchins.

It wasn't heresy, Saint Francis,

just a little joke.

Sometimes your monks are as fat as pigs, that's all.

I say...

Where's the road to Angoulême?

Straight ahead.

Don't linger if you want to find your girl,

not knowing if she's laughing or crying.

You either...

It's hard to tell if you're crying or laughing.

I'll ride with you for a bit and then turn back.

I want to see the world.

Let's go.

I've never seen so many people in the water.

You've never left your village.

You haven't seen lots of things.

That's true.

For example, I've never seen another man naked except for Lucas,

all hairy and knotted like a fig tree.

So I think a naked man is ugly. Is that true?

You've probably seen more than a few girls naked.

When I see myself naked,

I think I look worse than Lucas.

You're not seeing yourself right.

How do you know?

Can you see through the rags?

Can you guess my childhood nickname?

I can think of a few that would suit you.

Skirt-Lift.

Skirt-Lift, is that so?

Skirt...

Lift.

Well, don't think you'll count

my skirts among the ones you've lifted!

Your stinger won't get me, hornet.

You're too mean to have your skirts lifted... or stung.

-What is that? -How should I know?

Let's go see.

That girl has taken down more knights

than all the crusades.

Who are you talking about?

She's from the Oc country.

She's here for fresh meat.

Maybe everyone back home is dead.

The bitch!

Would you like to screw her? Show her a good time.

She doesn't know what it's like.

They call her beautiful Arabelle.

No overstatement with "beautiful" twice in her name.

That was my goodbye, Skirt-Lift.

Firm handshake.

Let's go!

"No overstatement to say 'beautiful' twice"?

Do you think I'll just take a beating?

One look and you're ready

to die for that girl.

Who told you that?

My heart.

And to your heart?

Your eyes.

My skin's rough like a cat's tongue,

theirs is soft, just like their fur,

but their heart's a porcupine, and mine...

I never touched a cat's tongue.

It's not that rough.

You're mocking me.

You help me keep my vows, boatwoman.

If you hadn't stabbed me...

I... would've stabbed you.

Don't leave, whoever you are.

Is that Lord Plassac's castle burning?

Yes.

Where's the Lord of Plassac?

With Beelzebub, or in the dungeons at Brassac,

on the other side of the forest.

Blandine... don't dare turn your head.

Who are you? Where are you from?

-Will you speak? -I'm a stranger.

I come from a rock where I clung on,

to keep from drowning,

as I awaited daylight.

A rock, you say?

The sharpest one down there.

I'm looking for Brassac Castle.

Can someone show me the way?

Brassac Castle isn't far now.

The little lump quivers around me

I'm strong enough To endure the cannon.

What are you saying, Blandine?

The rosary, Lady Yolande.

I'm exhausted.

Get this damn armor off me, it's pinching my ass.

So then... What do you want?

I want to see the Lord of Brassac, who destroyed Plassac Castle.

-Is your eyesight that terrible? -No.

You want to see me? Well, take a look then.

This skin is easy to pierce.

Aunt?

Who told you to come in here, ugly?

While you were away, Baron de Miremont gave me

this gift for you.

That turkey's eyeing my fields.

He thinks I'll marry him for his gifts.

Look at these beauties!

Hello, my loves.

Such beautiful faces.

Lovely paws!

Put them by my bed.

Don't forget to give them water.

Go on.

When that louse bothered us, we were looking at each other.

What do you want with Lord Brassac, gosling?

I want to know what happened to Lord Plassac.

Poor Plassac...

I took all his meadows.

Did you kill him?

I'm the most feared lord in the land. Do you know that?

I'm a stranger.

And yet...

I'm just a weak woman.

Indeed.

Old Plassac's still kicking, I think.

He's a randy old goat.

He's mounted all the local girls.

-And elsewhere. -Yes!

About your... Bourguignotte...

Bergamotte.

...we shall question Plassac after dinner.

Eat this.

It'll warm your belly.

Eat up, you're a bit skinny.

That's quite a rooster you've cooked.

With three pairs of tassels.

I'll drink to his health.

When I eat these little bells,

it goes to my head.

For me, it goes down.

Play us the drum!

You're a good boy.

You can only trust

those who know how to eat well.

She doesn't eat anything.

Yet... she's as fat as a goose,

fat and flabby.

See for yourself.

Fat and flabby, it's true.

I was hungry.

Nothing beats a good fight,

bloody and violent, to whet the appetite.

Do you like war, boy?

I've never fought nor seen one.

Nothing tastes as good to me,

not eating, drinking, or sleeping,

as much as hearing: "Charge!"

I'll move a bit before dessert.

Exercise helps digestion.

-Come here. -What do you mean?

Come wrestle with me.

-I'm no match. -I won't hurt you.

I could definitely break you with two fingers

if I weren't careful.

Tell me... baby.

Don't you know women are whores

and men... are scoundrels?

I have a lot to learn.

Well done, gosling.

Tell me...

do you think you and your damsel will still love each other

when you see each other again?

I don't know.

I'll teach you

that love is made up, and that... between men and women,

there's nothing but fornication.

You probably haven't seen many women as strong as me.

It's the first time.

Now's the time.

-Let's do it. -"Let's do it"?

Let's do it.

I also took a vow of chastity.

You make too many random vows.

You laughing, you troll?

Go clean yourself up, pig.

You're one of those who sees everything backwards too.

You think my ugly niece is pretty,

and you think I'm a toad.

A toad? No.

Eager to drink some Plassac?

I'd be upset if he died before I saw him.

Life, my friend, is full of all kinds of troubles.

You'll realize it for yourself too.

You...

jump on behind me.

A lady, in the morning

Said, all madly in love

Sweep my chimney

Sweep it for me

Sweep it up and down

You're so pretty. No one tells you.

What are you saying, ugly?

My litanies, auntie.

"You're so pretty

"and no one tells you,"

you were sighing. To whom? Where did you hide them?

Right here.

Is it a kitten or a puppy?

I love little animals.

Cute little creature.

He's not scared, he's not barking.

Will he bite if I touch him?

Who can say what he'll do?

Look.

No biting or growling...

He's playing along.

Wait.

One is hiding.

I hear a sound coming from inside there.

It's his brother.

Oh my God!

I'm slipping.

My legs are shaky.

God, I feel you're abandoning me.

Without you, I'm too weak to fight.

I liked your puppies...

and this little kitten even more.

Vermin, nasty lice, disgusting bugs!

In heat like animals.

What a disgusting show! Vows and oaths, you say?

One truth for the young, one for the old,

one for the beautiful, one for the ugly.

The bull, in the cage with Plassac!

He's the smelliest one.

The heifer...

Take her to be sheared.

I see, Lord, I was wrong.

You haven't abandoned me.

A drink?

Will someone bring me a drink?

Alas, no, Sir de Plassac.

-Who are you? -Maybe you know my name.

I'm Colinot.

God sent you to me...

so I can receive your forgiveness... before I die.

Are you guilty towards me?

I wanted to be virtuous...

but I was born too indulgent.

Bergamotte... who loved you...

I forcibly took her away.

And then...

violated her a bit.

By force?

It's so good to force them to do it.

It's the height of pleasure.

And then, what did you do with her?

My castle was attacked.

I entrusted her

to two of my squires to take her

to my brother... in Montauban.

And your forgiveness?

I grant it to you, friend.

Our Lord made you as you are.

He should have made you better.

Let's stir the straw

On the pretty rush

Let me see the new prisoner.

You haven't been here for a while.

Later.

Yes.

Quick, follow me.

On the other side, you'll be in the moat.

Goodbye.

Two big horses for a tiny ass.

Where are you going?

On tired feet, I must travel to the land of Oc.

My independent spirit

has sadly led me to poverty.

I'm a poet,

in French and Latin.

Do you understand Latin?

I forgot the little I knew.

Let's go. Hope on, poet.

Not far from Montauban,

a lady, they say, pays poets well

if she likes their verses.

Is there a road behind this field?

It cuts through here and runs ahead to tell Montauban it saw you.

No offense,

but I prefer your songs to your madrigals.

What whiteness, what roundness!

Lord, who is the owner of these two half-moons?

The birds chirping kept me

from hearing your horses approach.

Don't be ashamed of your curves.

Man is made in God's image, front and back.

Arabelle!

Forgive my audacity, but... what did the lady call you?

Arabelle.

Goddess of beauty, is that you?

I came here to find you.

You found me. What do you want?

I came to offer you my poems.

Your poems?

His poems?

In Paris, I was told you love poetry,

and I'm a poet.

How so?

I think I like you.

Hop on, friend, and follow me if you want.

You must be tired from all that traveling.

Do you want to go home and rest?

Kind lady,

I luckily met a young, gallant rider

who had two horses, including this one he gave me.

He was in a hurry...

to get to the Mesnil-Plassac castle

and the half of his heart... that was taken from him.

My good sirs, listen closely.

He's going to tell us an anatomical tale to your taste.

He endured 1,000 trials, which he told me about,

to find his beloved.

But after those tough days, happiness is finally within reach.

Seems like you've already made a song about it.

Madam, your keen ears...

At the Mesnil-Plassac castle, you say?

Young, handsome, gallant, brave... and loyal?

Let's see this marvel.

His horse must be less fresh than ours.

We'll catch up with him.

See you later, my friend.

You must help us, gallant rider.

One of our companions fell off her horse and got hurt.

Over there, in the field.

I'll follow you.

There she is.

She's unconscious.

We need to take her back to the castle.

We can't lift or carry her.

Do you think she's badly hurt?

Take me home, My Lord...

without hurting me.

What happened?

What happened?

Have mercy on me, Lord,

I'm going to die.

I'm dying of laughter too see such a fool.

If you had felt how his loyal heart beat!

Thud, thud...

Goodbye, gosling.

Goodbye, birdie.

I won't mention your own heartbeat.

Thump, thump...

And what is this "you" with which you address me?

We didn't grow up together, tending our sheep.

Certainly not.

Where I'm from, shepherdesses have rosy cheeks.

And mine are greenish.

No, pale.

There's another way to make them pink.

And that is? I'm curious.

Spread your legs more often.

Big muddy fool, you bloated idiot,

with your damn baskets!

A fox.

-Over there. -A fox.

Catch that fox.

Fox! You pesky redhead!

That way.

Under the apple tree.

He's ours.

That way.

Is this Lord Plassac's castle?

This fox will drive us mad.

Ma'am, is this Lord Plassac's castle?

That is correct.

Where's the Lord of Plassac?

That's him over there.

Cursed fox, devil's minion.

I bring news of your brother.

There he is, entering the castle.

Go.

It's the last time he'll pull that trick on us.

Are you the brother of the Lord of Plassac?

I am.

Where's that rascal?

He's not in the kitchen, the baths, or the stables.

This beast was sent to humiliate us.

It's mocking us.

Did your brother have his squires bring you a girl?

Stop buzzing in my ears all the time.

These demon dogs are useless.

I'm warning you, redhead...

I'll start again tomorrow.

Light the candles. Let's drink.

I'm parched.

Night falls,

and great joys come with it.

The lady says to him,

"Don't you want to do more than just enjoy my bed?"

You who spoke of my brother, come closer.

My dear, the fox mocked your husband.

So, I won't have that fox at the bottom of my steps,

as you promised me?

Crafty fox.

Tonight...

you'll have to make me forget it.

Seems like you're already forgetting, God only knows why.

Enchantress.

My dear...

a stranger brings news of my brother.

I don't want to hear about that gargoyle.

Sweetheart... let's be welcoming hosts.

Welcome, stranger.

How's my brother doing?

Good or bad, I don't know. Death took him.

Took him to hell, that's for sure.

You'll tell us what happened after dinner.

Welcome the stranger, my dear.

Stay close to him and give him a drink.

One tells me in Latin, "God help you..."

How are you?

Fine, thanks.

Even if the walls of Jerusalem Were made of steel

Me too.

Even if they were steel We would bite them

What is there to say? Do you like this wine?

It's really good.

You...

I...

You should've come earlier.

Colinot...

I waited for you a long time.

I thought you'd forgotten me.

Someone else loved me.

Little by little...

I began to love him too.

Why are you laughing?

Because...

to find you,

I faced 1,000 dangers and...

And you find me married.

You don't love me anymore...

and I... don't either.

There was a little girl

Who wanted to know the game of love

One day, finding her alone

I showed her a few tricks

There was a little girl

It's good we stopped loving each other.

Otherwise, one of us... might have cried.

Who wanted to know the game of love

We've really gotten lost, my friend.

I think we'll spend the night out in the rain.

You're going to break our necks.

My first husband died of the plague.

I probably wouldn't be so lucky

if I took a second one.

Her lover asks where her husband is.

He's bedridden...

That's why I wouldn't marry you,

even if I loved you,

which I do not.

One, two, three.

The storm is moving away.

See what that horse wants.

It's a saddled horse, ma'am.

He must have been scared of the storm and thrown his rider.

Grab torches and horns

and try to find the traveler, who might be hurt.

Your horse, Sir.

Well?

Didn't you find anything?

Yes, they did.

Jump over here, duckling, to dry your feathers and tend to your leg.

Skirt-Lift was his nickname

Before he could say...

Skirt-Lift was his nickname

Before he could say his name

Colinot, my dear, from your adventures,

I made a song that this charming company

was kind enough to enjoy.

Cute, little child

He grew up, not too ugly

It's a balm I make myself with forest plants.

It soothes pain and inflammation.

Or from his mother and the priest

But it doesn't really matter

I don't think it's broken.

Where is the worst pain?

Higher?

Lower?

Neither higher nor lower. It's not that leg.

You only have two.

-Is it this one? -Ouch!

This one might be broken.

What a pale complexion.

I hope you can forget your vows

and light your little log like before.

Ouch!

Did you find your beloved?

So that I can put an end to my song?

I...

Let me guess.

When Skirt-Lift Saw his Bergamotte again

Another was holding Her small mound in his hand

That Colinot had cherished and kissed

Under other fingers, Her mound shuddered

Her belly warmed under other banners

And she no longer wanted Colinot or his arrow

Love does not usually like to stay for long in my husband's home.

The loss of this cushion

Tender and well-shaped

Didn't make him cry at all

Because on his way

He had met skirts and petticoats

That hid many others

He was eager to... taste

Don't look at me like that.

This cushion is not for you.

Why not?

You know less about love than my dog.

I'll tell you the story of a shepherd,

who became a perfect gallant knight...

through his love for a lady.

My name is Robinet Bite-the-Kitty,

and I'm quite a handsome guy.

That's true.

Between my legs...

I have a nice stalk

that I haven't used in ages.

I wish someone would pick it.

Who?

A strong, beautiful, and very pale lady

who, in my opinion,

doesn't spread her legs often enough.

Don't you know, you oaf, love has its rules?

Tell me quickly! I'll do whatever it takes.

I feel my sword growing,

and soon, under its weight,

I'll fall flat on my face.

Winning a lady's love can take years.

Years?

By then, I'll be ancient and have three feet!

You must write 1,000 songs for her,

shine in war and tournaments,

and do 1,000 other great deeds

before laying your glory at her feet,

and, only then, will she will reward you.

Good night, Bite-the-Kitty.

See you tomorrow, friends.

See you tomorrow.

See you tomorrow.

You forgot to lock it.

No, I didn't forget.

You smell a bit like dung, Bite-the-Kitty.

I still want you.

Undress...

so I can see if I like everything about you.

Are your feet crooked?

Why do you hide them?

I forgot about them.

They're dirty...

but not crooked.

It's bent... but not dirty at all.

Sit next to me.

Don't get carried away

like some animal.

We need to decide everything we're going to do.

What do you want to do first, Bite-the-Kitty?

Several things at once.

With one hand...

hold you.

With the other...

caress you.

Kiss your lips.

With the third one?

With my mouth.

And me?

With one hand, touch me

in the place where you have nothing,

and I certainly have something.

Here?

Yes.

And this one?

Leave it on the bed.

We'll find a use for it.

What now?

I'm knocking at the door to get inside you.

Can't you do anything else?

I can play the pan flute.

Is this the right time?

Little earth scratcher,

do you know that every part of our bodies...

can be used for love.

What do we do with the ears?

We make them vibrate with words, and also...

like this.

And the nose?

With sweet scents, it gets excited.

What is it?

Don't you recognize the sweet smell of pepper?

I'll make your behind vibrate like this.

Deliciously.

You know more than you let on,

since you know the pleasure in pain.

What do you think?

It hurt me.

Pain must be great for pleasure to be.

I'll do anything to please you.

You hurt me.

Look at me.

No, lower.

Never have I burned so much...

from head to toe.

We were at... the nose.

As for the eyes...

they are moved by sight.

The mouth...

As for the heart...

if you touch my breast,

my heart feels nothing.

To reach it, you'll need to take other paths.

If you want me to be yours... I must love you first.

Meanwhile, let us sleep... Bite-the-Kitty.

Let's sleep.

What a tough lesson, my dear.

Thibaud?

Good morning, goddess of beauty.

I just woke up.

Have you seen Colinot?

Yes, he left,

and he also left a song for you

that I'm composing music for.

Go ahead, sing it.

I left, my dear While you were sleeping

The verses are weak, you'll see.

I think I love you

I think you love me

But now, my dear

I know love is uncertain

And can be misleading

But if you think I love you

If you think you love me

Take the road in turn

If you persist, my love

We'll meet again someday

When we meet again

If we still seem to love each other

If we still seem to love each other

When we see each other again

Then perhaps, just perhaps

That is when We shall love one another

Then perhaps

That is when We shall love one another

Subtitling: TransPerfect Media