Original subtitles

JOE: How many years I know you?

As Methos or as Adam Pierson?

-You are one hellacious wise ass, you know that?

-It's one of my strongest virtues, though.

20 years.

Pasta a la Methos, Lucretia Borgia's favorite.

-Probably hid the taste of the poison.

Now, in that 20 years, you know how many meals

you've cooked for me?

Counting this one, one.

So what do you want?

-All in good time, Joe.

You're looking good.

-I look like shit, buddy.

-Something wrong?

-Ah, no.

Just my hands ache, and my back feels like a rusty hinge.

And then there's my prostate.

Don't mind me.

I've just having one of my "I wish I were immortal" days.

-We all die eventually.

-And you will be five thousand and what on your next birthday?

-5,164.

How's MacLeod?

-Don't know.

Haven't seen him in a while.

I got retired.

He got another guy on him.

You know, 28 years old, in one piece,

Princeton grad, phi beta kappa, blah blah blah.

-How long?

-Eight months.

And yes, it really sucks.

But back to the point, what brings you to town?

-A girl.

-That's great.

Is she, uh-- one of you?

-Now, she's one of you.

-She must be one hell of a woman.

-She makes me feel young.

You know, after Alexa I thought there might never be another.

-Does she know about your, uh, condition?

-Yeah.

She doesn't care.

She says she'll take what time we have together.

And she has a little boy, eight years old,

whose name is Joseph.

-Really?

Methos and dad.

Now, there are two words I never thought

I'd hear in the same sentence.

-I'm gonna marry her, Joe.

-Really?

You just made my day.

-And I want to ask you a favor.

-What, you want me to sing at the wedding?

-Nope.

-Oh, yeah.

I guess you already hired some fancy orchestra.

-I want you to be my best man.

-Me?

-Yeah.

-Abso-fucking-lutely.

Positively, man.

Great.

-Good.

-Wow!

Damn.

-You know I love you.

-Well, that's a hell of a thing to say.

I love you too.

-Let's eat.

Pizza?

-Pizza's good.

AMANDA: Go on, guess.

Guess how much this place cost me.

METHOS: Absolutely nothing.

-The boudoir.

-So what's his name?

-Horatio Aloysius Montgomery.

I call him HAM for short.

He's the third viscount of-- something, earl of whatever.

Best part about it, he's never here.

-So how much are you worth, Amanda?

20 million?

50 million?

-Well, a girl doesn't like to brag.

-So why do you work so hard at getting everything for nothing?

-Because it's fun.

-Why am I here?

-Because I want to find out if it's true.

-What's true?

-Are you really getting married?

-Yes.

Yes, it is true.

-I better get a coat.

Pretty soon hell's going to be freezing over.

Has she picked out her bridesmaids' dresses yet?

Anything but pink.

I do not do pink.

-Her name is Julia.

-I do, however, look good in red or blue.

-And she's never met you.

-Everybody loves me.

Look, you asked Joe to be your best man.

OK, I could wear my tux and be a groomsman.

I'm happy for you.

-You don't look happy.

-This is me happy.

This is me sad.

-What is it, Amanda?

-I don't know.

I guess I thought you were like me.

-How's that?

-Um, self-centered, vain, with a delightful sense

of nonchalance and flirty arrogance that somehow creates

this undeniable aura of beauty and sex appeal.

-That's not you.

-Yes, it is.

-No.

You're much more than that.

-I guess I never wanted to be the last man

standing, so to speak.

-MacLeod?

-Her name is Sarah.

-You'll find someone soon.

-Finding them's not the problem, darling.

Tell me, why did we never--

-MacLeod.

-Oh, yeah.

The man does cast a big shadow, but we

would have been really good.

-No.

We would have been great.

I'll see you at the wedding.

-You tell her I'll wear whatever she wants.

-It won't be pink.

-It's good to see you happy.

-Later.

-A tout a l'heure.

So have you, uh, heard from--

-Yeah, I hear their plane gets in, I don't know, about 3:00.

You going to be all right with this?

-Sure.

It's not the first time.

-He always comes back.

-This time feels a little different.

I don't know, maybe I'm just feeling old.

-Tell me about it.

-But I'm going to be 1,188 on my next birthday.

-Really?

I mean, you don't look a day over 950.

-Thank you.

You know, I keep expecting it to get better.

It just doesn't.

-That's because you are who you are.

-What if I want to be somebody different.

-You gotta work at it.

-I did see a shrink once.

You know what happened?

-You slept with Sigmund Freud.

Hey, I'm a Watcher, remember?

-More like a voyeur.

Anyway, he was a great disappointment.

-Amanda, why do you want to change?

-I don't know.

Sometimes I just get weary of being me.

-Must be hell being rich, beautiful, and immortal.

-Don't make fun.

I'm pretty good with a sword, and you're not that fast.

-You know what your problem is?

-Please tell me.

What do you think I've been asking you?

-You always want everything, and you always want it right now.

-So?

-So nobody can have everything all the time.

And I know you know that.

-Yeah.

Sure.

Whatever.

Maybe you're right.

Maybe I just need to grow up.

-Don't--

Being a grown up is not all it's cracked up to be.

You have a light.

You are a light!

-I'm a dim bulb is what I am.

-No.

You are Amanda Darrieux.

You are the princess of thieves, consort of kings,

muse of great artists, and an inspiration

to all who have known you.

You are a-- a joyous queen with more style, more beauty, more--

-OK, OK.

That's enough about me.

You're right.

I am marvelous.

-You didn't let me finish.

And you're the biggest pain in the ass I've ever known.

-You could have quit at joyous queen.

-He's out there, OK?

You'll find him.

-You promise?

[mysterious noise]

Hold that thought.

-For me?

Julia would love you to come.

-Blue, how lovely.

-So I guessed at your size.

A six?

-I wear a four.

But who's counting?

I'll just have it taken in.

-OK.

-Come on in.

-OK.

I can only stay a minute, though.

I've got a ton of stuff to do.

-How you doing, brother?

-Yeah, good, good.

-Want some coffee?

-Yeah, put a scotch in it.

Actually, no coffee, just the scotch.

-Little nervous?

-Me?

No, no.

I'm doing the right thing, right?

-You're just asking yourself that now?

Your wedding's tomorrow, right?

And they call me fickle.

-I'm an idiot.

-You'll get no argument from me there.

Do you love her?

-Unquestionably.

-Do you want to spend the rest of your life with her?

-Without a doubt.

-Would you die for her?

-Absolutely.

-Then it's a no-brainer.

-She knows I'm immortal, but how much do I

tell her about my past?

-Tell it all.

-I would leave out the part about raping and pillaging

when you were one of the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse.

I think it would be wrong to confuse her

with too much information.

-She loves you, Methos.

And you are who you are because of who you were.

If there's a problem, you work it out.

It's what people do.

-Really?

I usually just move to another continent for 100 years or so.

-You are no help.

-But I'm so much fun.

Look, you're gonna be happy.

-Yeah.

I know.

AMANDA: No, you don't.

What you are is terrified.

-What he is is human.

-I'd like to propose a toast.

-Well, then I need a drink.

-No, you don't.

This one's to you.

To Joseph, the man who always reminds us who we were

and who we are.

To you, Joe, the wisest of us all.

-Hear, hear.

[mysterious noise]

-Wedding guest?

-Your house.

-You're getting married.

Let me do it.

-No, no.

Two of them.

-Age before beauty.

-I expect you to come back.

-We always do.

[swords clanging]

[siren]

-You won, remember?

-What the hell was I thinking?

That we would just settle down in a nice little cottage

by the sea and live happily ever after?

-If she knows what you are, it's her choice.

-It's a stupid idea.

It's an infantile fantasy.

-She loves you.

-So what?

I'm subjected to this, to this life of killing, of murder?

What if someone uses her to get to me, Joe?

You'd think after 5,000 years I would know better.

I'd be better.

-Listen to me, you've got a good thing with this woman.

Don't pass it up.

-Oh, yeah.

It's a great opportunity to use her and then cast her aside

like you would.

-Hey, don't be a prick, Methos.

-I'm sorry.

-Eh, I know I'm a selfish bitch.

-You're not.

You're just honest.

-I have been a liar and a thief for 1,188 years,

and I am damn proud of it.

-So what are you gonna do?

-He's going to call it off.

-Are you sure?

It couldn't have been just this fight.

How-- how did you think your life was gonna be?

-It's not about thought, Joe.

It's about hope.

You gonna be OK?

-Sure.

Hey, a few 100 years, I won't even remember her.

It was nice to dream, wasn't it?

-It always is.

What about the dress?

-Keep it.

You'll look good in it.

-Methos, um-- I'm here.

You want a drink?

-Yeah.

You better make it a double.