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Hey, come on, kid. You better hurry up. You know, we don't want to be late.
Okay.
Here you go.
Good.
Now nobody can say you don't have all your buttons.
Yeah, thanks.
I was supposed to make you laugh.
Well, thanks for trying, but you know the way I feel. Listen, what are you
so cheerful about?
Depending on what happens down at court today, you could be out of a job here.
Nothing bad is going to happen. Oh, come on. You see that lady?
She's youthful.
She's rich. She can give that kid a beautiful life. Look at me, in debt and
the hill.
Don't say you're too old.
Mrs. Harris is no younger than you.
Oh, yeah? Well, she certainly looks younger. How come?
Elizabeth Arden could tell you that. Oh, excuse me.
Why are you giving up already?
Well, because I was on the hero and I happened to hear that social worker say
something. What did you hear?
I heard that I ain't got a chance.
I can't let it get me down, though, because, I mean, after all, maybe this
be the best thing for the kid.
No, it wouldn't.
Hey, you shouldn't be eavesdropping there on the stairs, you know that?
What do you know?
Hey, your grandma's rich there. She could give you enough cowboy hats to
a posse there and all kinds of other stuff.
Who cares about that?
I just want to stay here with you and Mrs. Camby and all my friends.
Don't you ever think maybe you can make new friends, huh?
I mean, better friends. With money.
I won't go to court.
I'll sit right here and not move all day.
I'll get it.
Hi,
Murray. Hi, sweetheart.
How are you?
Fine. Well, everybody ready for the big day?
Have to be so cheerful.
Feed me some bad fish, I'll look like you.
Mr. Rabinowitz says I have to stay in the hall until they call my name.
Well, we all have to wait in the hall, and that is fun.
We can watch the secretaries getting on and off the elevator.
That might fill your day, but don't you think the child ought to take a book?
I'll take my homework, so I won't have to do it when I get home.
Honey, I keep telling you, there's a chance you might not be coming home.
You'll be here, Mrs. Cammy, won't you? Uh, no.
Sure. I'm making a ham and potato salad to invite everybody back here.
Don't tell her that. Don't tell her that.
Don't you worry.
No matter what, this is your home and always will be. Come on, look at the
Look at the time. That's right. Come on, it's late. We've got the car right
outside. Isn't Barney going with you? Yeah, sure. He's a character witness.
Barney's going to meet us down at the courthouse. Well, then you better bring
her comic books or we have something to do in the hall. Come on.
Not only is Mrs. Harris an upstanding member of the community, but due to her
very wise investments and a large trust fund, her annual income is considerably
more than adequate to provide not only the essentials for the child, but also
give her a great many advantages, including a private education.
What would that mean?
Well, Your Honor, Mrs. Harris has already made inquiries into private
both here and abroad.
So that if and when she travels, she plans to keep the child with her at all
times. Oh.
No more questions, Your Honor. No questions.
Wait a minute. What do you mean, no questions here? I got a question. I got
question to shoot you there, Your Honor.
This woman wants to take the kid overseas, raise her in some foreign
over there where she'd never see Old Glory flying overhead and where the
refuse to speak English.
Can she do that?
She can if I say she can.
I'll never get to see the kid at all. Shush.
Anything happen yet?
No. The other side is still at bat. Her business manager just stepped out.
When does our side get up?
Be patient, Steph.
Want to play cards?
I brought my Braille deck.
No.
Those cars are marked. You always win.
Veronica, I think you ought to go back to work. This may take a while.
Now, I want to stay here and give Archie moral support.
I'll give it to him.
Okay.
Just holding it for a friend.
Mr. Vannar, will you help me with my speech?
Yeah, sure, Barney.
But I can't correct your spelling.
Mr. Klein, could you tell the court what Mr. Bunker's attitude is regarding the
child's religious education?
Very cooperative.
I mean, Stephanie never missed Sunday school at the local temple.
Friday night services?
Well, I take her when I can.
So then you would say that Mr. Bunker is a religious man?
I object, Your Honor. He's reading The Witnesser. I'd like to hear the answer.
Is he religious?
Yes.
Yes, in his own way, he is. What's his own way?
He's scared of God.
Thank you.
No more questions.
Mr. Klein, you spend a good deal of time with Mr. Bunker.
Oh, yes.
I mean, of course they do.
Does he ever lose his temper?
Well, once in a while he yells.
I mean, we all do.
But he yells in a friendly way.
How do you yell in a friendly way, Mr. Klein?
With a smile on your face.
Would you describe Mr. Bunker as a prejudiced man?
Objection, Your Honor.
Sustained, but I'd like to hear the answer anyway.
Let me be more specific, Your Honor. Mr. Klein, have you ever heard Mr. Bunker
use words like heeb, sheeny, or yid?
Sheeny is not one of his words.
Your Honor, I object to this whole line of question.
Counselor, wrap this up.
I'm all done, Your Honor. That's all the questions I have.
Your Honor, I think that should establish something about Mrs. Harris'
credentials.
Mrs. Harris, could you tell the court how you felt when you finally found your
granddaughter after all these years?
Honor Counselor, she was never lost. Why waste time on questions like that?
Now, Mrs. Harris, what alienated you from your daughter and your grandchild?
My husband detoned my daughter.
when she married that Floyd Mills, Stephanie's father.
Religious differences.
My husband wouldn't even let me bring up her name.
And you just went along with that? Well, I had no choice.
He was a very strong man. I was very dependent on him. But I'm not anymore.
What changed?
He died and left me a lot of money.
Well, that'll do it.
And Mr.
Davis's report also states that you're doing a great deal of traveling now.
Yes. And I would like Stephanie to come with me.
No ordinary classroom can give the education that traveling can.
Well, isn't that a lot of trouble, traveling with a child?
Oh, no.
She'd be wonderful company.
Listen, why did you wait so long to get in touch with the kid?
Why did you wait this long to get in touch with
the kid?
I knew that the poor baby had been pushed in and out of so many homes.
I didn't want to disrupt her again.
Until now.
Well, the circumstances have changed, Your Honor.
Mrs. Bunker isn't there anymore.
And I'm concerned for Stephanie.
About what, specifically?
Well, about the fact that there's no woman in the house.
There's a housekeeper, Your Honor. Not all the time.
What does she get in that? Shush.
All I'm trying to say, Your Honor, is that I don't think it's right for a
girl to be raised by a man who's not a relative.
I object, Your Honor. I object, too.
You can't object, Bunker. I gotta object, Judge.
You're out of order.
Well, give me a minute, Judge, huh?
I mean, I'm raising that kid good there. I never stopped telling her all the
things she had and ought to do. I tell her everything that's wrong.
Sit down, Bunker.
Listen, Judge, listen.
How do we know how this woman's husband really died?
You know,
you have no right to accuse this lady.
Have you no respect for a grandmother's rights? Have you no regard for the ties
of family?
Board is recessed until 2 .30.
Oh, bunker, bunker.
I can't beat a grandma. I might as well say my say.
All right. Make up your mind. Pick one or the other.
I like them both.
You can't have them both.
Which one is it going to be?
I don't have all day. Come on.
No wonder the tussy rolled.
I've got a very hard decision to make.
No, you don't.
Let me stay where I am.
Why should I?
Because I don't want to live with my grandmother.
She's mean.
Does your Uncle Archie tell you to lie like that?
No. He tells me never to lie and to be honest and trusting and good to other
people, just like him. Well, how about being good to me? I'd like to get home
early. Let's start with the truth.
Okay.
I don't want to live with my grandmother.
Maybe you're not old enough to know what you want.
I know I don't want to go to school in Europe.
Now, don't be so sure. Traveling's fun.
I've traveled enough.
All over Brooklyn and New Jersey.
Twice. When did you do that?
When my father was trying to find a place to dump me.
We finally ended up in Queens.
Aunt Edith and Uncle Archie were the only ones who'd take me.
And I don't want to leave, because I like it there.
Now, what makes you think that living with your Uncle Archie is going to be
for you? It might be the worst thing in the world for you.
I love him, and he loves me.
Well, how do you know? Just because he kisses you a lot?
What are you staring at?
He's the affectionator, isn't he?
You won't like it if I tell you. I don't have to like it. Just tell me.
He's just like you.
Well, no,
I don't like it.
I mean, he likes to act tough, like you.
I'm not acting.
I am tough.
It means he loves me.
But he doesn't show it the way my grandmother does.
How's that?
Well, she pets me like a puppy and she calls me a poor baby.
And I'm not a poor baby.
Doesn't your Uncle Archie ever pet you?
No.
But that doesn't mean he doesn't love me.
And neither do you say it was hard for him to show his feelings.
Because his father hit him with a shovel.
That'll do it.
But I know he loves me.
Yeah, sure, sure.
Did your father hit you with his shovel?
No, with a rake.
All right, young lady, that'll be enough.
You can go now.
Thanks.
If I have to live with my grandmother, I'll run away.
Well, be sure and take your passport, because in Europe they'll stop you at
border.
Oh, Eddie.
Give it five minutes and then call the court back into session. Yes, Your
I know what you're saying. If it's best for the kid, I had more to kick.
That's the idea, Bunker.
And I guarantee you'll be able to visit the child whenever you want.
Can you guarantee me tickets, which Freddy flake into the five corners of
gate?
Sit down, sit down.
I don't have time for formalities.
Mrs. Harris.
Mrs. Harris, I have to agree with you.
The child is not being raised in an ideal environment.
But then when I look around me, I realize that no one is being raised in
ideal environment.
Your Honor, there are some environments that are more ideal than others.
Possibly. But, you see, what we're mainly concerned with here is the needs
that little girl and the choice between you two of which one is best able to
fulfill those needs.
I should think that was obvious, Your Honor.
If it were obvious, we'd have been finished two hours ago.
Well, don't blame me, Judge. I ain't arguing no more.
Parker, let me ask you.
If you were sitting in my seat and thinking only of the little girl's good,
who would you give custody to?
Well, I wouldn't know what to say to that, Judge. I mean, half the role. I
the kid.
Oh, you're not answering my question.
Well, do I have to talk out loud?
Step up.
Judge, the... Excuse me.
Well, Your Honor, you know, with me, the kid would have a room over her head and
food on the table and clothes on her back and not a hell of a lot else.
And she'd just have to pick up her coach around the neighborhood or do without
us.
I can only give what I can give.
God knows it ain't much, so... If I was sitting in your place, I probably
wouldn't turn the kid over to me.
But then I wouldn't turn her over, honey, either.
Why wouldn't you want Mrs. Harris to have the child?
Because, Judge, with all her and her husband's money there, and all the fancy
and the beauty for life they gave their daughter, when the kid was 17, she ran
away from them, and she married that bum Floyd.
My little girl didn't do that to me.
Well, my daughter found a guy she wanted to marry. She brought him home.
They lived under my roof and on top of me for ten years.
And that's all I got to say.
Your Honor, now that we have heard about his family, could we talk about mine?
Could we talk about Stephanie?
If you had your say, you would like the child taken out of the bunker house,
hmm? Of course I would. I can give her everything. All the finer things.
A private schooling.
A head start in life.
And yes, she should be with a woman. If not her mother, then her grandmother.
Her own mother's mother.
I can give her what she needs. He can't.
You know, I'm afraid that you have some of the child's needs confused with your
own needs, Mrs. Harris.
I'm giving legal custody to Mr. Bunker.
No! Oh, thank God. I mean, thank you, Judge.
Huh? That's sad.
I can't believe this is happening. Why are you doing this?
That girl has two years invested in Mr.
Bunker, and he's become her...
Her psychological parent. She's established roots and a sense of
Disrupting everything at this time could be most harmful. What can he do for her
now? He's a totally uneducated man.
Mrs. Harris, my father was an ignorant laborer and he drank too much. And I
became a judge.
I raised two daughters.
One's an attorney.
And the other dropped out of high school and is handing out flowers at the
airport. We all do the best we can.
And I'm sure Mr. Bunker will do okay.
Happy New Year.
Happy New Year, Your Honor.
Hey, hey, hey.
I told you to pick my nephew. They never lost a case.
Well, that's because the little fisher was never up against me.
Congratulations, bunkers. I'll sign mit glick.
Thank you. What does that mean? It means that in your life, may everything be
good. Oh, that's nice. Hey, listen. You can make that come true by sending me a
very small bill.
I'm laughing at that.
Excuse me just a minute here.
I just want to say that, you know, a lot of bad things were said here. But no
matter what you and me feel about each other, we got to think of the child.
Did you imagine I was going to stop thinking about her?
Well, no, I guess not. I'm going to pray for her.
Well, that wouldn't do no harm, need.
Oh, God.
Don't worry.
The kid's going to be okay.
She's with people who love her.
What could go wrong?
Her grammar, for one thing.
Was that a shot?
Uh -huh.
Well, I think that's very polite. I come over here to, you know, sort of shake
hands and say that, you know, you'll be in her only grammar there.
That if you want to come to see her, it was okay by me.
Oh, I want to see her.
Now that I've found her, I don't want to lose her again.
Okay. You can drop around whenever you want.
Thank you.
Phone first.
Well...
We gotta go call up Mrs.
Camby.
And we'll tell her that we're both coming home.
Oh, come on.
Yeah, but first, first, first you gotta go in there and, uh, kiss your
grandmother good -bye.
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