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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:02,080 --> 00:00:03,080 Okay, girls. 2 00:00:04,280 --> 00:00:06,340 Oh, yeah, slitting is fun, wasn't it? 3 00:00:06,980 --> 00:00:07,980 Come on. 4 00:00:08,840 --> 00:00:10,880 It was funny when he slid into the fence. 5 00:00:11,140 --> 00:00:14,280 Yeah, well, breaking is for sissies. 6 00:00:15,140 --> 00:00:18,000 All right, take off your snow clothes. Come here, Connor, let me take off your 7 00:00:18,000 --> 00:00:19,000 coat here. 8 00:00:45,230 --> 00:00:46,230 Oh, baby. 9 00:00:47,410 --> 00:00:48,410 Hold on. 10 00:00:48,810 --> 00:00:50,170 I got it. 11 00:00:52,530 --> 00:00:55,070 There. Got it. Thanks, Daddy. 12 00:00:55,270 --> 00:00:58,950 Awesome. Yeah, that's why God gave Dad the big hands. 13 00:01:01,410 --> 00:01:02,810 Apparently, he gave them to you, too. 14 00:01:20,080 --> 00:01:21,080 early to beat the losers. 15 00:01:22,420 --> 00:01:25,620 You know, Dana, people who live in cardboard boxes shouldn't be throwing 16 00:01:27,640 --> 00:01:31,680 That's good enough. Go ahead, get it out of your system because that's over now. 17 00:01:35,940 --> 00:01:39,080 Why is it over, Dana? Oh, well, I'm glad you asked, no one. 18 00:01:56,010 --> 00:01:58,090 Okay, let's settle up, Cheryl, if you would. 19 00:01:58,410 --> 00:01:59,410 Oh. What? 20 00:01:59,750 --> 00:02:03,230 Well, while you were unemployed, you were partaking of our goods and 21 00:02:03,630 --> 00:02:06,550 So now that you have a job, I expect a reimbursement. 22 00:02:08,729 --> 00:02:09,990 Ah, my ledger. 23 00:02:11,730 --> 00:02:12,830 Phil, Phil's got a job. 24 00:02:13,070 --> 00:02:16,370 Well, you remember that interview I had a month ago? It totally paid off. You 25 00:02:16,370 --> 00:02:20,190 were looking at the new creative director at Morris and Platt 26 00:02:20,270 --> 00:02:21,470 that is so great. 27 00:02:23,070 --> 00:02:24,850 Wow. Is the money good? 28 00:02:28,720 --> 00:02:29,720 It's more than you make. 29 00:02:31,080 --> 00:02:32,400 How much more? 30 00:02:32,900 --> 00:02:36,020 Well, not to put a number on it, but a lot. 31 00:02:38,460 --> 00:02:40,760 Well, I think it's fantastic. 32 00:02:41,100 --> 00:02:43,620 Thank you. Yes, Dana, we are very proud of you. 33 00:02:43,840 --> 00:02:46,780 Now, would you like to check over the bill before I put it on your credit 34 00:02:50,060 --> 00:02:51,620 A dollar for tap water? 35 00:02:52,900 --> 00:02:55,020 Well, Cheryl had to wash the glass. 36 00:02:56,020 --> 00:02:57,960 And it sounded like you were drinking it in the dark. 37 00:03:03,180 --> 00:03:06,880 Remember, you're on the Disney cruise ship departing for tropical paradise. 38 00:03:08,800 --> 00:03:11,600 I just want to thank you again for this opportunity. 39 00:03:11,900 --> 00:03:15,840 Yeah, Dana, you thanked me with the flowers, the basket of muffins, and the 40 00:03:15,840 --> 00:03:20,040 Bulls tickets. If you thank me anymore, I'm going to have to fire you. 41 00:03:21,560 --> 00:03:24,080 Okay, so, what do you think of the mom? 42 00:03:24,780 --> 00:03:26,820 Yeah, you know, she's okay. 43 00:03:27,100 --> 00:03:30,360 Just not what I had in mind for the Disney Cruise Line account. 44 00:03:30,680 --> 00:03:34,490 Okay. So, um, could you give me an idea of who you had in mind? 45 00:03:35,150 --> 00:03:40,270 Well, it's hard to put into words, but, uh, she's kind of a cross between Wonder 46 00:03:40,270 --> 00:03:41,770 Woman and Kelly McGillis in Witness. 47 00:03:43,910 --> 00:03:45,290 Yeah, sure, I can find that. 48 00:03:47,170 --> 00:03:48,490 Dana. Dana. 49 00:03:48,790 --> 00:03:50,630 Hey! Will you excuse me for a minute? Oh, sure. 50 00:04:01,770 --> 00:04:02,770 Jim's teaching the measurements. 51 00:04:03,790 --> 00:04:08,130 So, are you ready to go to lunch? Oh, I can't. Vice President Wattjob over here 52 00:04:08,130 --> 00:04:10,190 just sent me on a quest to find some Amish superhero. 53 00:04:10,630 --> 00:04:13,710 What? Dana, who is this? 54 00:04:13,930 --> 00:04:17,649 Oh, um, kids, this is my sister Cheryl and her kids Ruby and Gracie. This is my 55 00:04:17,649 --> 00:04:18,649 boss. Oh! 56 00:04:31,050 --> 00:04:31,829 You can't go anywhere. 57 00:04:31,830 --> 00:04:33,870 No, you are perfect. 58 00:04:34,470 --> 00:04:36,490 Why does everybody always say this? 59 00:04:37,950 --> 00:04:42,650 I mean, for the Disney Cruise Spot. You are exactly what I've been looking for. 60 00:04:43,010 --> 00:04:44,670 You pop. 61 00:04:45,990 --> 00:04:46,990 Really? 62 00:04:47,650 --> 00:04:51,830 Absolutely. I mean, look at them. They're popping all over the place. Pop, 63 00:04:51,890 --> 00:04:52,890 pop, pop, pop, pop. 64 00:04:54,110 --> 00:04:55,110 Darn right, pop. 65 00:04:56,110 --> 00:04:57,670 So, you guys want to be in a commercial? 66 00:05:03,500 --> 00:05:07,580 Love it. On this, my first day of my new job. You know, I don't know. You know, 67 00:05:07,620 --> 00:05:08,620 we're not actors. 68 00:05:08,840 --> 00:05:11,760 I was Dolly Madison in the President's Day pageant. 69 00:05:12,040 --> 00:05:14,160 Yes, you were, and what a night that was. 70 00:05:14,780 --> 00:05:17,680 See, this just feels right to me. 71 00:05:17,940 --> 00:05:19,040 What is the dad like? 72 00:05:19,320 --> 00:05:23,120 He's handsome and funny and has big, big muscles. 73 00:05:23,720 --> 00:05:24,720 Where's my dollar? 74 00:05:25,520 --> 00:05:27,560 No, honey, only Daddy pays for his compliments. 75 00:05:29,080 --> 00:05:30,800 Well, he sounds fantastic. 76 00:05:31,640 --> 00:05:32,740 Oh, Dana. 77 00:05:33,260 --> 00:05:34,260 Make it happen. 78 00:05:35,580 --> 00:05:40,980 Well, thank you, Cheryl. You totally saved me. Tina, I'm not going to do it. 79 00:05:41,800 --> 00:05:45,640 But Kitson really wants it. I need your help. You're my sister. 80 00:05:46,020 --> 00:05:46,879 No, no. 81 00:05:46,880 --> 00:05:49,780 You're not going to play the sister card. No, goodbye. Come on, girl. 82 00:05:50,040 --> 00:05:51,680 No, this isn't over. 83 00:05:52,520 --> 00:05:54,300 I swear I will crush you. 84 00:05:56,080 --> 00:05:58,240 Tina, you were so much sweeter when you were unemployed. 85 00:06:07,880 --> 00:06:11,020 my young, beautiful wife, and the heir to my empire. 86 00:06:13,860 --> 00:06:20,020 Andy, don't you think Cheryl looks especially great today? She sure does. 87 00:06:20,820 --> 00:06:22,420 What's the word I'm looking for? 88 00:06:22,920 --> 00:06:25,120 Luminous. No, no, no, a real word. 89 00:06:26,580 --> 00:06:30,460 I don't know, Jim. She just has the magic. 90 00:06:30,920 --> 00:06:33,420 Would you say that she pops? 91 00:06:35,200 --> 00:06:36,220 But you... 92 00:06:48,680 --> 00:06:49,419 didn't she? 93 00:06:49,420 --> 00:06:52,240 Yeah, she did, but now she realizes she should have used chimps. 94 00:06:55,580 --> 00:07:00,600 Look, Cheryl, I'm sorry about this afternoon. You know, we both flew off 95 00:07:00,600 --> 00:07:01,600 handle a little bit. 96 00:07:02,600 --> 00:07:04,000 I didn't fly off the handle. 97 00:07:06,840 --> 00:07:07,840 Apology accepted. 98 00:07:08,880 --> 00:07:13,680 Cheryl, Cheryl, come on, look at this. If we do this, we get a free cruise in 99 00:07:13,680 --> 00:07:15,380 the Caribbean. I mean, how great can that be? 100 00:07:21,419 --> 00:07:24,240 correction, a free good time, which is better than a good time. 101 00:07:24,620 --> 00:07:28,660 I already talked to Mom, and since Kyle isn't in the ad, she said that you could 102 00:07:28,660 --> 00:07:31,920 leave him with her for a week. Yeah, yeah, and if he sees the pictures in the 103 00:07:31,920 --> 00:07:34,820 family photo album when he grows up, he'll just tell me he wasn't born yet. 104 00:07:36,400 --> 00:07:39,500 I just, I don't think it's a good idea. 105 00:07:41,620 --> 00:07:44,320 Okay, okay, let me have a moment alone with my wife. 106 00:07:46,300 --> 00:07:47,300 Hey, hey. 107 00:07:47,760 --> 00:07:50,900 While you're talking to her, See if you can get her to go on the cruise. 108 00:07:55,340 --> 00:07:56,340 Get out of here. 109 00:08:00,040 --> 00:08:02,560 God knows that I don't ask for much. 110 00:08:04,920 --> 00:08:06,620 Oh, I love how this is starting. 111 00:08:07,180 --> 00:08:09,620 Come on, Cheryl, this is an opportunity of a lifetime. 112 00:08:10,620 --> 00:08:13,700 There's nothing I'd love more than going on a cruise. Well, then let's do it. 113 00:08:14,940 --> 00:08:17,940 Honey, I'm not an actor. 114 00:08:22,480 --> 00:08:23,540 I know what this is about. 115 00:08:23,860 --> 00:08:24,860 All right, don't worry. 116 00:08:25,160 --> 00:08:27,040 I have enough talent for the both of us. 117 00:08:28,500 --> 00:08:31,340 Come on, you've seen the family movies. The camera loves me. 118 00:08:32,340 --> 00:08:33,480 It's my big head. 119 00:08:36,240 --> 00:08:40,460 Come on, the kids will love it. Well, get out of the cold, and your number one 120 00:08:40,460 --> 00:08:41,600 kid will love it, too. 121 00:08:42,340 --> 00:08:43,340 Me. 122 00:08:44,220 --> 00:08:48,140 Oh. Come on, baby, let's go. All right, all right, we'll go. Oh, my God, you're 123 00:08:48,140 --> 00:08:49,140 so easy. 124 00:08:52,550 --> 00:08:54,470 She said yes. We're going on a cruise. 125 00:08:55,050 --> 00:08:56,530 We're going on a cruise. 126 00:08:56,750 --> 00:09:00,930 We're going on a cruise. We're going on a cruise. Wait a second. 127 00:09:01,130 --> 00:09:02,310 I heard a floorboard snap. 128 00:09:33,070 --> 00:09:35,150 and we are sailing into international waters. 129 00:09:35,370 --> 00:09:37,870 Hey, look, Chris, look. Hey, look, Mickey, Minnie. 130 00:09:38,290 --> 00:09:39,410 Hi, Minnie, hi, Mickey. 131 00:09:40,110 --> 00:09:42,530 Hey, Cheryl, look at this. Look at this. 132 00:09:42,990 --> 00:09:45,630 Hey, hey, I'm king of the world! 133 00:09:48,270 --> 00:09:50,490 Wow, that's quite a promotion from Bikini Inspector. 134 00:09:51,710 --> 00:09:53,670 Hey, Mickey, Minnie, I'm king of the world! 135 00:09:54,170 --> 00:09:55,170 Excuse me, sir. I'm king! 136 00:09:55,350 --> 00:09:59,450 Sir, you need to come down. King! Sir, you might be king, but it says do not 137 00:09:59,450 --> 00:10:02,010 climb. All right, all right, all right. Have a magical day, sir. 138 00:10:05,670 --> 00:10:08,550 They didn't say my name when I came on. Andy, this is work for you. 139 00:10:09,030 --> 00:10:11,390 What? I spent all this money on vacation clothes. 140 00:10:12,310 --> 00:10:13,810 Vacation from what? Liking girls? 141 00:10:16,510 --> 00:10:19,990 Listen, you're here as my assistant. On this cruise, your name is Hey You, and 142 00:10:19,990 --> 00:10:21,530 my name is Yes Ma 'am. 143 00:10:21,790 --> 00:10:24,750 Do you think I'm just going to take your crap all week? 144 00:10:24,970 --> 00:10:28,490 Well, it's either that or you get on the next plane back to Chicago on your 145 00:10:28,490 --> 00:10:30,550 dime. They're having a cold snap right now, you know. 146 00:10:41,390 --> 00:10:43,870 couple hours, but remember, when you're on camera, there's no spitting, picking 147 00:10:43,870 --> 00:10:46,610 boogers, or adjusting your underwear. And kids, same goes for you. 148 00:10:47,510 --> 00:10:50,070 Well, then you don't have to worry about me. I didn't pack any underwear for 149 00:10:50,070 --> 00:10:51,070 this cruise. 150 00:10:51,170 --> 00:10:52,170 I'm on vacation. 151 00:11:47,360 --> 00:11:48,360 Oh, 152 00:11:51,420 --> 00:11:52,540 that's Jim. He's her husband. 153 00:11:53,000 --> 00:11:54,000 Really? 154 00:11:54,660 --> 00:11:55,619 Oh, no. 155 00:11:55,620 --> 00:11:58,800 No, no, no, no, no. We need to get Cheryl a better husband. 156 00:11:59,440 --> 00:12:01,180 I've been telling her that for years. 157 00:12:05,200 --> 00:12:07,220 Oh, my God. You're serious? 158 00:12:07,600 --> 00:12:11,200 Well, I know what I like, Nina. And Jim is not it. 159 00:12:11,520 --> 00:12:12,520 He's got to go. 160 00:12:14,890 --> 00:12:19,070 You hired me to oversee this project, and that's what I'm trying to do. 161 00:12:19,830 --> 00:12:20,970 You're going to have to trust me. 162 00:12:59,150 --> 00:13:01,330 Get one step closer to robot butlers. 163 00:13:01,970 --> 00:13:02,970 Oh, yeah? 164 00:13:05,090 --> 00:13:07,490 Well, if you think that's cool, you should go out on the veranda and look at 165 00:13:07,490 --> 00:13:08,490 chairs. 166 00:13:11,110 --> 00:13:12,110 Honey, 167 00:13:12,690 --> 00:13:16,150 thank you for talking me into this. Oh, baby, you're welcome. 168 00:13:16,430 --> 00:13:18,270 Hey, I want you to know you were really good today. 169 00:13:18,570 --> 00:13:21,930 No, in front of the camera, you were really good, like Queen Latifah Good. 170 00:13:23,790 --> 00:13:25,890 Oh, someone at the door. 171 00:13:26,210 --> 00:13:27,210 Could it be me? 172 00:13:36,750 --> 00:13:37,750 Did we still pop? 173 00:13:38,350 --> 00:13:40,270 Um, yeah, pretty much. 174 00:13:41,170 --> 00:13:42,350 There's this one problem. 175 00:13:42,630 --> 00:13:45,130 God, it was me, wasn't it? I was stiff. I really felt stiff. 176 00:13:45,610 --> 00:13:46,650 No, you were fine. 177 00:13:47,490 --> 00:13:48,490 Gracie. 178 00:13:48,610 --> 00:13:50,090 What a ham. I'll work with her. 179 00:13:51,990 --> 00:13:52,990 Not her. 180 00:13:53,570 --> 00:13:54,570 Ruby? 181 00:13:55,050 --> 00:13:56,770 Actually, Jim, it was you. 182 00:14:15,980 --> 00:14:16,980 the rest of the family. 183 00:14:47,210 --> 00:14:48,210 as we do. 184 00:14:50,690 --> 00:14:54,290 Come on, honey. The kids are having fun. We're having fun. 185 00:14:54,630 --> 00:14:57,570 What, do you want to flush a free vacation down a toilet along with your 186 00:14:57,570 --> 00:14:58,570 lipstick? 187 00:14:59,410 --> 00:15:01,010 You flushed my lipstick? 188 00:15:02,790 --> 00:15:06,730 Well, it fell in and... Trust me, you didn't want it back. 189 00:15:07,910 --> 00:15:13,630 Come on, Cheryl, please. I'm begging you. As your sister, I need your help. 190 00:15:13,830 --> 00:15:15,370 I can't play the sister card again. 191 00:15:16,400 --> 00:15:18,980 Fine, then I'll play the you stole my boyfriend in 10th grade card. 192 00:15:19,260 --> 00:15:21,340 You stole my boyfriend in 10th grade. 193 00:15:21,560 --> 00:15:23,440 Why can't you let it go? 194 00:15:25,540 --> 00:15:29,860 Please, Cheryl, you're the one having the fairy tale life. Throw Dana a bone. 195 00:15:34,000 --> 00:15:36,700 All right. All right, we'll stay. 196 00:15:37,020 --> 00:15:40,380 Oh, thank you. You know, tomorrow we're shooting all day in Key West. Are you 197 00:15:40,380 --> 00:15:41,139 going to be okay? 198 00:15:41,140 --> 00:15:42,280 I'm going to be fine. 199 00:15:44,080 --> 00:15:47,280 opposite week. You'll work all week, and I'll sit on my butt hoping the floor 200 00:15:47,280 --> 00:15:48,280 will vacuum itself. 201 00:16:00,900 --> 00:16:01,900 Hey! 202 00:16:02,200 --> 00:16:06,200 All right. So, in this next theme, you and the girls are going to be walking 203 00:16:06,200 --> 00:16:09,260 down Green Street, you know, laughing, having a great time with your husband. 204 00:16:09,320 --> 00:16:10,940 Okay, let's have fun. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. 205 00:16:11,460 --> 00:16:12,460 My husband? 206 00:16:13,060 --> 00:16:14,060 Yeah. 207 00:16:14,480 --> 00:16:17,240 Um, look, I was going to tell you this sooner, but I didn't want you to freak 208 00:16:17,240 --> 00:16:20,480 out. We've recast Jim's part with an actor from L .A. 209 00:16:21,260 --> 00:16:26,080 What? Yeah. His name's Ted, and, um, he's coming this way, so please don't 210 00:16:26,080 --> 00:16:28,800 this for me. Oh, my gosh. Mr. Carter. 211 00:16:31,040 --> 00:16:32,260 Hi. Hi. 212 00:16:32,580 --> 00:16:33,600 Look at this. 213 00:16:33,980 --> 00:16:35,940 The happy husband and wife. 214 00:16:36,580 --> 00:16:38,120 Let's step back and watch the magic happen. 215 00:16:38,580 --> 00:16:40,700 Hi. I'm Ted. I'm Cheryl. 216 00:16:46,519 --> 00:16:48,100 I haven't had my coffee yet. 217 00:16:50,620 --> 00:16:51,620 Look, 218 00:16:51,800 --> 00:16:54,820 I know you haven't done this before, so you're probably a little nervous, 219 00:16:54,940 --> 00:16:56,500 especially since we have the kids. 220 00:16:57,680 --> 00:16:59,080 Kids? Yeah. 221 00:17:00,440 --> 00:17:02,280 Kids didn't have this great idea. 222 00:17:02,580 --> 00:17:06,560 On the last day of shooting, we're on Tiffany's private island, Castaway Cay. 223 00:17:06,839 --> 00:17:09,560 You guys are watching the sunset, and you... 224 00:17:12,750 --> 00:17:15,050 The whole piece builds to it, and Kitson really wants it. 225 00:17:15,910 --> 00:17:18,690 Okay. Look, I think I understand, Donna. 226 00:17:19,109 --> 00:17:20,109 Dana. 227 00:17:20,930 --> 00:17:25,230 Listen, I know it's weird kissing someone you hardly know, so you just 228 00:17:25,230 --> 00:17:26,230 think of it as a job. 229 00:17:26,290 --> 00:17:29,590 Like, I had to kiss a monkey in a Japanese luggage commercial, and I 230 00:17:29,630 --> 00:17:31,690 I felt almost not bad. 231 00:17:32,550 --> 00:17:33,449 Hey, Cheryl! 232 00:17:33,450 --> 00:17:34,930 Cheryl! Check it out! 233 00:17:35,410 --> 00:17:38,790 Yeah, I wanted to see Key West, so I got myself a little hog for the day. 234 00:17:39,770 --> 00:17:40,890 More like a little pig. 235 00:17:46,160 --> 00:17:52,420 husband jim and and jim this is ted he plays my husband oh well 236 00:17:52,420 --> 00:17:59,280 how about that actors on set oh i gotta run jim it's nice 237 00:17:59,280 --> 00:18:06,180 meeting you yeah nice to meet me too so uh husband 238 00:18:06,180 --> 00:18:13,180 huh yeah i i didn't know i just found out myself yeah that's cool yeah um 239 00:18:14,020 --> 00:18:16,280 There's one more thing. We need the wine. 240 00:18:18,160 --> 00:18:22,160 You're the wife. Go on, you're the wife. Go on. Are you okay? Cool, everything's 241 00:18:22,160 --> 00:18:23,119 cool. 242 00:18:23,120 --> 00:18:24,520 Cool, cool, cool, cool. Okay, good. 243 00:18:24,900 --> 00:18:25,900 I'm cool. 244 00:18:27,480 --> 00:18:31,960 Okay, people, listen up. We're shooting a commercial here. You make noise, you 245 00:18:31,960 --> 00:18:32,960 answer. 246 00:18:56,720 --> 00:18:57,860 Method training. He's a real pro. 247 00:18:58,080 --> 00:18:59,120 You got nothing to worry about. 248 00:19:00,400 --> 00:19:01,620 What would I have to worry about anyway? 249 00:19:02,320 --> 00:19:05,800 You know, some guys get pretty uptight standing around watching their wife kiss 250 00:19:05,800 --> 00:19:08,420 a good looking... Nothing. 251 00:19:10,900 --> 00:19:12,080 Wait a minute. They're going to kiss? 252 00:19:12,620 --> 00:19:16,160 Well, yeah, but... What would this happen? I never heard Dana say anything 253 00:19:16,160 --> 00:19:17,160 a kiss. It's not real. 254 00:19:17,540 --> 00:19:20,960 I don't care if it's real or not. You can't kiss my wife. It's a stage kiss. 255 00:19:21,220 --> 00:19:24,060 It doesn't matter if it's a stage kiss. No, no, no. There was no kissing 256 00:19:24,060 --> 00:19:25,400 originally in this. Their lips don't even touch. 257 00:19:26,540 --> 00:19:29,440 Their lips don't touch. What are you talking about? When you kiss, you kiss. 258 00:19:29,440 --> 00:19:30,440 lips go together. 259 00:20:27,240 --> 00:20:28,800 Next week on According to Jim. 260 00:20:29,140 --> 00:20:30,140 Look at that. 261 00:20:30,240 --> 00:20:31,680 Two kisses in one day. 262 00:20:32,340 --> 00:20:35,080 Boy, sure are giving them out freely, aren't you? 263 00:20:35,480 --> 00:20:38,720 No, Jim. Did you get a chance to take in the sights while I was working? 264 00:20:39,440 --> 00:20:40,500 With our wife? 20016