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1
00:00:04,360 --> 00:00:07,520
It was boredom at first sight.
2
00:00:07,740 --> 00:00:11,020
You could hardly call him right.
3
00:00:11,380 --> 00:00:13,960
He is no one's Mr.
4
00:00:14,280 --> 00:00:17,420
Right. But what do I see in him?
5
00:00:18,900 --> 00:00:22,300
But then, I'm not so ideal.
6
00:00:22,780 --> 00:00:29,480
Not gentle or genteel. So the question
should be, what does he...
7
00:01:09,680 --> 00:01:11,080
My God, who shot him?
8
00:01:11,460 --> 00:01:12,510
It's a turn.
9
00:01:12,860 --> 00:01:14,240
So what shall we do? Applaud.
10
00:01:16,260 --> 00:01:17,310
There he goes.
11
00:01:17,920 --> 00:01:19,740
Hey, are those over there Dunlin?
12
00:01:21,880 --> 00:01:23,120
Oh, yes, very good.
13
00:01:23,560 --> 00:01:24,940
Dunlin and Oyster Catchers.
14
00:01:24,941 --> 00:01:27,419
And what about that big one with the
green head?
15
00:01:27,420 --> 00:01:28,780
Is that a Meganza?
16
00:01:29,780 --> 00:01:31,620
Oh, I see. No, it's a shell duck.
17
00:01:32,880 --> 00:01:33,930
Is it Lud?
18
00:01:33,960 --> 00:01:35,040
Looks like a bird to me.
19
00:01:35,860 --> 00:01:39,619
You can't resist, can you? Well, Mark,
don't make me say these things. I'm
20
00:01:39,620 --> 00:01:40,699
reformed, remember?
21
00:01:40,700 --> 00:01:42,960
Sorry. It's all right. Just don't do it
again.
22
00:01:45,560 --> 00:01:47,000
You don't believe me, do you?
23
00:01:47,520 --> 00:01:48,780
Yes. Yes?
24
00:01:49,080 --> 00:01:50,280
Yes, I don't believe you.
25
00:01:50,281 --> 00:01:54,399
Listen, Stowell, have you known I've
turned over a new leaf? When?
26
00:01:54,400 --> 00:01:55,740
Thursday, in the library.
27
00:01:55,741 --> 00:01:57,019
Oh, no, not again.
28
00:01:57,020 --> 00:02:00,459
No, it's true. I'm serious. I got three
books out, and do you know what they're
29
00:02:00,460 --> 00:02:01,600
about? Birds.
30
00:02:02,140 --> 00:02:05,450
What? Birds. You've got three books out
on birds and bird watching.
31
00:02:06,320 --> 00:02:08,060
You've been pooping in our library.
32
00:02:08,061 --> 00:02:10,179
You told me the other night in the
grapes.
33
00:02:10,180 --> 00:02:11,230
Oh, was that you?
34
00:02:11,340 --> 00:02:13,690
You talk too much, you forget what
you've said.
35
00:02:14,520 --> 00:02:15,580
It's not so warm.
36
00:02:20,100 --> 00:02:21,150
Don't get excited.
37
00:02:25,700 --> 00:02:28,440
Hey, Malk, you know what I'd really like
to see?
38
00:02:28,760 --> 00:02:31,380
The mate and dance of the great crested
grebe.
39
00:02:32,059 --> 00:02:33,109
You at it again?
40
00:02:33,110 --> 00:02:34,419
I'm serious.
41
00:02:34,420 --> 00:02:36,410
I saw pictures of them in one of my
books.
42
00:02:36,560 --> 00:02:37,610
They look brilliant.
43
00:02:38,300 --> 00:02:40,710
I suppose we could go out to Palmere, if
you like.
44
00:02:40,740 --> 00:02:42,120
Because there's some there.
45
00:02:42,121 --> 00:02:44,399
Brenda, I thought you were serious.
46
00:02:44,400 --> 00:02:46,780
I am, I am. I'm serious. I want to see
the grebes.
47
00:02:47,040 --> 00:02:48,090
Take that off, then.
48
00:02:48,640 --> 00:02:49,690
It's all right.
49
00:02:49,940 --> 00:02:51,020
It's just camouflage.
50
00:02:51,820 --> 00:02:52,870
Stupid.
51
00:02:57,340 --> 00:03:00,200
Hey, see that little one? Is that a
ringed plover?
52
00:03:01,760 --> 00:03:03,100
Where? Down on the mud.
53
00:03:05,000 --> 00:03:06,320
Oh, yes, very good.
54
00:03:06,640 --> 00:03:07,860
Not just a pretty hat.
55
00:03:08,480 --> 00:03:10,220
You don't know another one, right?
56
00:03:14,100 --> 00:03:16,480
And over to the left, is that Sandling?
57
00:03:20,260 --> 00:03:22,260
Yeah, right again.
58
00:03:23,140 --> 00:03:24,600
Bender? Just a minute.
59
00:03:26,140 --> 00:03:28,310
Are those herring gulls down by the
water?
60
00:03:30,990 --> 00:03:34,240
No, no, they're little gold, actually.
See, they're black heads.
61
00:03:35,050 --> 00:03:36,100
Only in your neck.
62
00:03:40,251 --> 00:03:44,069
Brenda, I've got something to tell you.
63
00:03:44,070 --> 00:03:45,120
What?
64
00:03:45,330 --> 00:03:46,380
I'm gone.
65
00:03:46,930 --> 00:03:49,330
Brown with red legs. Isn't that a red
shunk?
66
00:03:50,370 --> 00:03:51,420
Oh, yes.
67
00:03:52,130 --> 00:03:53,670
I'm good, aren't I? Very good.
68
00:03:55,470 --> 00:03:57,090
But I've got to make a confession.
69
00:03:57,530 --> 00:03:58,580
I've been cheating.
70
00:03:59,110 --> 00:04:00,490
What do you mean, cheating?
71
00:04:00,570 --> 00:04:04,350
Well, I only pointed the bird and Donald
whispered in my ear what make it is.
72
00:04:05,510 --> 00:04:06,560
You've got to change.
73
00:04:06,990 --> 00:04:08,310
Oh, sorry, sorry.
74
00:04:08,590 --> 00:04:11,960
What was it you wanted to tell me?
Nothing. It'll mean nothing to you.
75
00:04:12,010 --> 00:04:13,750
All right, Mark, don't be like that.
76
00:04:14,490 --> 00:04:15,650
Come on, cheer up.
77
00:04:15,870 --> 00:04:17,130
You've got a convert here.
78
00:04:17,310 --> 00:04:18,360
I've got a clown here.
79
00:04:18,361 --> 00:04:21,708
Come on, we'll move further along. The
tide's coming in and the water rail will
80
00:04:21,709 --> 00:04:22,789
be flushed up the mark.
81
00:04:37,960 --> 00:04:41,860
Gerard. And I'm afraid we've possibly
had a refusal at the water jump.
82
00:04:48,580 --> 00:04:49,630
You look a fool.
83
00:04:50,940 --> 00:04:52,200
Take your notice, Donald.
84
00:04:52,360 --> 00:04:53,700
One day you'll be a swan.
85
00:04:54,040 --> 00:04:58,700
Shut up, shorty. When you're as tall as
me, you can boss me about.
86
00:04:59,660 --> 00:05:02,370
Good day to you. You should take me back
to the hospital.
87
00:05:04,360 --> 00:05:05,410
Hello.
88
00:05:11,690 --> 00:05:12,950
Brenda, sit down a minute.
89
00:05:15,170 --> 00:05:16,220
Yes, Doctor?
90
00:05:16,950 --> 00:05:18,270
I got a letter this morning.
91
00:05:19,010 --> 00:05:21,120
Oh, I see, and you want me to read it to
you?
92
00:05:21,310 --> 00:05:22,570
I would like you to read it.
93
00:05:23,010 --> 00:05:24,310
OK, let's have a look.
94
00:05:24,910 --> 00:05:26,050
I'll see you somewhere.
95
00:05:26,530 --> 00:05:27,580
Oh, yeah. Mum!
96
00:05:31,210 --> 00:05:35,010
Not to change us.
97
00:05:35,650 --> 00:05:39,260
If I ever go out with you, the one thing
I can guarantee is I did that death.
98
00:05:39,261 --> 00:05:42,799
Mother should have warned me about
muttonheads from Mel.
99
00:05:42,800 --> 00:05:45,739
Especially those brought off in Chorley.
Have you finished? All she ever said
100
00:05:45,740 --> 00:05:48,510
was, don't go in the Goodison arms if
Everton have lost.
101
00:05:49,060 --> 00:05:50,140
What a good that was.
102
00:05:50,141 --> 00:05:51,819
Friend, it was your own fault.
103
00:05:51,820 --> 00:05:52,779
You let me go.
104
00:05:52,780 --> 00:05:54,339
I should have done that six months ago.
105
00:05:54,340 --> 00:05:56,450
Oh, so that's how it is, is it? Right,
well.
106
00:05:57,080 --> 00:05:58,130
Oh, no.
107
00:05:58,340 --> 00:06:00,930
There was me, happy and singing me
little socks off.
108
00:06:01,000 --> 00:06:02,050
Flat as a fluke.
109
00:06:02,080 --> 00:06:03,130
Got a cold?
110
00:06:04,060 --> 00:06:06,260
Oh, a puncture. It's been a slow.
111
00:06:06,261 --> 00:06:09,679
I thought it was a bit heavy on the way
as you kept pulling left. Stupid old
112
00:06:09,680 --> 00:06:12,339
pile of junk. You want to take it behind
a tree and shoot it?
113
00:06:12,340 --> 00:06:15,699
Not a bad idea, but it's not the bike
I'd shoot. There's no time for suicide.
114
00:06:15,700 --> 00:06:16,760
Get me over here.
115
00:06:17,360 --> 00:06:18,410
It'll have to be ours.
116
00:06:18,411 --> 00:06:21,539
I'll drive slowly. You'll have to lean
out right as far as you can take the
117
00:06:21,540 --> 00:06:22,299
weight off it.
118
00:06:22,300 --> 00:06:23,440
You've got to be joking.
119
00:06:24,260 --> 00:06:25,310
No, I'm serious.
120
00:06:44,310 --> 00:06:47,380
There's a coat and slippers on the door
when you're finished.
121
00:06:48,390 --> 00:06:49,440
Oh.
122
00:06:54,470 --> 00:06:57,000
Sure as eggs are baked and she won't
clean the bath.
123
00:07:02,650 --> 00:07:03,700
Oh, no.
124
00:07:18,131 --> 00:07:20,139
having a bath.
125
00:07:20,140 --> 00:07:21,190
Oh, right.
126
00:07:21,340 --> 00:07:22,780
Yes, don't try and picture it.
127
00:07:23,280 --> 00:07:24,820
I put a thing in the washer.
128
00:07:25,100 --> 00:07:26,840
She was absolutely soaked through.
129
00:07:27,060 --> 00:07:28,110
So it's been.
130
00:07:28,111 --> 00:07:31,819
If I hadn't been here, you'd let a trail
half a Burton Marsh across my living
131
00:07:31,820 --> 00:07:32,870
room.
132
00:07:33,080 --> 00:07:36,939
If I had. I assume that's where you've
been. And other places. It was Brenda's
133
00:07:36,940 --> 00:07:38,160
idea. That was.
134
00:07:38,161 --> 00:07:41,099
Swimming in it. Bird watching. She'd
become quite keen.
135
00:07:41,100 --> 00:07:42,150
Oh, yes.
136
00:07:42,151 --> 00:07:45,779
Yes, and she's got library books out as
well. Well, I hope she doesn't turn the
137
00:07:45,780 --> 00:07:46,699
corners down.
138
00:07:46,700 --> 00:07:47,750
Oh, God. Mother.
139
00:07:47,751 --> 00:07:49,899
Mother, please don't tidy me workbench.
140
00:07:49,900 --> 00:07:50,939
It's Mucky.
141
00:07:50,940 --> 00:07:52,100
He's a good scrubbing.
142
00:07:53,360 --> 00:07:55,590
What did she say when you told her your
news?
143
00:07:55,740 --> 00:07:57,000
I didn't get round to that.
144
00:07:57,260 --> 00:07:58,310
I thought as much.
145
00:07:58,620 --> 00:08:01,630
See how long the interest in
birdwatching lasts when you do.
146
00:08:01,880 --> 00:08:03,520
Far more in common than you think.
147
00:08:04,260 --> 00:08:06,260
Same taste in party frots for the start.
148
00:08:06,351 --> 00:08:08,299
Coffee anyone?
149
00:08:08,300 --> 00:08:11,920
I'll get it. You wouldn't know which
cups to use. I want sugar for Malcolm.
150
00:08:13,220 --> 00:08:14,270
I know.
151
00:08:14,271 --> 00:08:18,309
And when you do decide to do something
about that bench, just say the word and
152
00:08:18,310 --> 00:08:19,450
I'll get you a scrubber.
153
00:08:19,830 --> 00:08:20,880
Another one.
154
00:08:22,230 --> 00:08:23,280
What's she saying?
155
00:08:23,330 --> 00:08:25,630
Oh, nothing. She thinks the bench is
dirty.
156
00:08:25,631 --> 00:08:28,349
I wish she wouldn't touch things. I've
lost a washer.
157
00:08:28,350 --> 00:08:30,400
Well, you just have to use the
laundress.
158
00:08:30,401 --> 00:08:34,989
What's that? What have you got in here?
Here it is. What? Oh, yeah, it's OK,
159
00:08:34,990 --> 00:08:35,609
isn't it?
160
00:08:35,610 --> 00:08:36,660
Fantastic.
161
00:08:37,570 --> 00:08:38,620
What's this?
162
00:08:39,270 --> 00:08:40,570
This is a myford lathe.
163
00:08:40,809 --> 00:08:41,859
That's a drill press.
164
00:08:42,490 --> 00:08:43,540
And over here...
165
00:08:43,659 --> 00:08:45,519
I've got a gas welding and brazing kit.
166
00:08:46,380 --> 00:08:47,580
That's me bench grinder.
167
00:08:49,260 --> 00:08:52,840
This mid -set welder, and I'm loud, you
mean. And stainless steel.
168
00:08:53,560 --> 00:08:56,510
That's me exhaust gas. All right, all
right, I'm impressed.
169
00:08:56,740 --> 00:08:59,510
And you can use all of this luck, can
you? Of course I can.
170
00:09:00,080 --> 00:09:03,720
I do all my own maintenance, and I'm
very inventive. Make all sorts.
171
00:09:04,260 --> 00:09:05,340
See this coat hanger?
172
00:09:05,760 --> 00:09:07,750
I made it myself out of an old car
aerial.
173
00:09:07,751 --> 00:09:12,809
You'd better stand still. If you get oil
on that housecoat, somebody will pull
174
00:09:12,810 --> 00:09:14,920
your arm out and hit you with the soggy
end.
175
00:09:14,970 --> 00:09:16,020
Mark? Yeah?
176
00:09:16,021 --> 00:09:17,229
You're different.
177
00:09:17,230 --> 00:09:20,549
Must be the full moon. Once you get
dark, my eye teeth, my hands will go all
178
00:09:20,550 --> 00:09:21,870
airy. I don't believe it.
179
00:09:22,290 --> 00:09:23,610
You wait till this evening.
180
00:09:23,611 --> 00:09:25,389
I've never seen you like this before.
181
00:09:25,390 --> 00:09:26,949
What? You mean it's happening already?
182
00:09:26,950 --> 00:09:32,049
I was sort of beneath that wet and wimpy
exterior. There was an interior just as
183
00:09:32,050 --> 00:09:33,190
wet and twice as wimpy.
184
00:09:33,191 --> 00:09:36,169
Yeah, well, you can't be much cop as a
people watcher then, can you? Otherwise
185
00:09:36,170 --> 00:09:39,300
you'd have realised that this Dr Jekyll
has more than one hide.
186
00:09:39,301 --> 00:09:41,769
Get it? It's a triple play on the word
hide, see?
187
00:09:41,770 --> 00:09:44,420
Hide it in skin, but also birdwatches.
Don't explain.
188
00:09:45,430 --> 00:09:46,480
You're different.
189
00:09:46,490 --> 00:09:47,630
It must be this place.
190
00:09:47,631 --> 00:09:51,349
What's more, we've had six jokes and one
of them was almost funny.
191
00:09:51,350 --> 00:09:52,400
Coffee!
192
00:09:52,550 --> 00:09:53,630
I'll just wash me paws.
193
00:09:54,321 --> 00:09:55,729
Your
194
00:09:55,730 --> 00:10:07,709
clothes
195
00:10:07,710 --> 00:10:09,030
are washed and in the dryer.
196
00:10:09,420 --> 00:10:12,310
Thanks. Just hope all that mud hasn't
damaged the machine.
197
00:10:12,420 --> 00:10:13,680
No, it's good quality mud.
198
00:10:13,820 --> 00:10:14,870
It's Burton's best.
199
00:10:17,820 --> 00:10:21,620
So your ornithological activities had to
be curtailed, did they?
200
00:10:22,140 --> 00:10:23,190
Eh?
201
00:10:23,231 --> 00:10:25,239
Oh, yeah.
202
00:10:25,240 --> 00:10:29,159
Well, you see, what happened was, we
were in the reed bed stalking this hen,
203
00:10:29,160 --> 00:10:33,130
we? When I spotted this fledgling with
his foot entangled in some fishing line.
204
00:10:33,220 --> 00:10:37,420
So I reached out to it, and then
suddenly this frog, well, actually a big
205
00:10:37,460 --> 00:10:38,510
jumped out.
206
00:10:38,540 --> 00:10:40,410
So I pulled me out... Did my coffee?
Yeah.
207
00:10:41,740 --> 00:10:45,060
Frightened by a large toad? Oh, no, I'm
used to him.
208
00:10:46,820 --> 00:10:48,060
On the marsh?
209
00:10:48,420 --> 00:10:52,100
Oh, yeah. A natterjack, I think. Had a
big yellow stripe down its back.
210
00:10:52,101 --> 00:10:53,319
That's nice.
211
00:10:53,320 --> 00:10:55,550
Pictures in your library books, are
there?
212
00:10:55,600 --> 00:10:59,620
Eh? Did you know that the natterjack is
Britain's rarest amphibian?
213
00:11:00,520 --> 00:11:02,580
Present company accepted, of course.
214
00:11:03,640 --> 00:11:06,440
How did you say the Brenda got so muddy?
215
00:11:06,441 --> 00:11:07,929
Fell off a wall.
216
00:11:07,930 --> 00:11:09,860
Oh. Oh, yeah, well, I was coming to
that.
217
00:11:09,910 --> 00:11:11,770
It was because of him I lost my balance.
218
00:11:11,771 --> 00:11:12,629
Oh, yes.
219
00:11:12,630 --> 00:11:14,429
But he hasn't told you what he's lost.
220
00:11:14,430 --> 00:11:16,110
Well, I haven't lost anything yet.
221
00:11:16,290 --> 00:11:17,730
And who says you're going to?
222
00:11:18,530 --> 00:11:21,060
And hey, Mark, I thought you were saving
yourself.
223
00:11:21,061 --> 00:11:25,429
Brenda, I've been trying to tell you all
day. He's losing his job. Well, of
224
00:11:25,430 --> 00:11:27,910
course, but... Your job?
225
00:11:51,531 --> 00:11:55,479
Things are being taken over by mod
shops.
226
00:11:55,480 --> 00:11:58,999
And the story is, they're shutting down
all the stuffy little gents' outfitters
227
00:11:59,000 --> 00:12:02,119
and getting rid of all the stuffy little
gents. What, like Malcolm?
228
00:12:02,120 --> 00:12:03,170
Yeah.
229
00:12:03,820 --> 00:12:05,000
And Cassie had Terry.
230
00:12:05,001 --> 00:12:09,419
Mind, Malcolm reckons Terry will be OK
because he'll go back to Amalemstead.
231
00:12:09,420 --> 00:12:10,880
So it's not all bad news.
232
00:12:11,620 --> 00:12:13,540
Pam, it's not like news should be nasty.
233
00:12:13,541 --> 00:12:14,839
Yes, it is.
234
00:12:14,840 --> 00:12:15,890
You're right, it is.
235
00:12:17,520 --> 00:12:19,020
Where's the knives and forks?
236
00:12:19,360 --> 00:12:23,590
Hey, Pam, why are you such a miserable
old bat, these? days?
237
00:12:23,910 --> 00:12:27,270
Must be the company I keep Sydney
playing hard to get rid of, is he?
238
00:12:27,810 --> 00:12:29,950
I meant you. But yes, he is.
239
00:12:30,650 --> 00:12:32,070
He's back to his nasty worst.
240
00:12:32,750 --> 00:12:36,590
I used to enjoy my job, but these days I
just can't wait till Friday.
241
00:12:36,830 --> 00:12:39,660
Then I'm depressed all weekend at the
thought of Monday.
242
00:12:39,770 --> 00:12:44,549
Do you know, it's taken that prac all of
five years to get to grips with things
243
00:12:44,550 --> 00:12:45,600
in our department.
244
00:12:45,650 --> 00:12:47,700
Yeah, well, it's such a lot to get hold
of.
245
00:12:48,930 --> 00:12:50,110
You're just so petty.
246
00:12:51,010 --> 00:12:52,060
No, I've had enough.
247
00:12:52,061 --> 00:12:55,819
I think I might soon be joining you and
Malcolm at the job centre.
248
00:12:55,820 --> 00:12:57,400
What? Just pack it in.
249
00:12:58,300 --> 00:13:03,179
All this time I've been coaxing him
along, covering up for his mistakes,
250
00:13:03,180 --> 00:13:05,480
excuses to his clients and to his
bosses.
251
00:13:06,640 --> 00:13:11,080
And all the thanks I get is a whinging,
nitpicking criticism of everything I do.
252
00:13:11,600 --> 00:13:15,539
Hey, now, look, my secretary's known
more about the job than the bosses. It's
253
00:13:15,540 --> 00:13:16,590
British tradition.
254
00:13:16,591 --> 00:13:19,959
But just because your package is getting
a bit croppy, it doesn't mean you'd
255
00:13:19,960 --> 00:13:21,039
have to get off the bus.
256
00:13:21,040 --> 00:13:23,750
Who are I for you to talk? You don't
know what he's like.
257
00:13:23,780 --> 00:13:26,260
Well, couldn't you complain to your mum?
258
00:13:26,540 --> 00:13:27,590
What about his boss?
259
00:13:27,780 --> 00:13:29,240
No chance, the golfing mate.
260
00:13:29,920 --> 00:13:33,110
No, I think I'll just hand me notice in
and see what else is going.
261
00:13:33,620 --> 00:13:34,670
Nothing.
262
00:13:35,020 --> 00:13:36,070
What?
263
00:13:36,260 --> 00:13:37,400
There's nothing going.
264
00:13:37,580 --> 00:13:39,020
God, Pam, haven't you heard?
265
00:13:39,021 --> 00:13:42,519
There's a little roving called
Unemployment Loose in this town, and the
266
00:13:42,520 --> 00:13:44,380
Piper's got his feet up in the Bahamas.
267
00:13:44,660 --> 00:13:46,520
I can't stand it any longer.
268
00:13:46,880 --> 00:13:49,820
Now, look, I don't want to come the
heavy sister on this.
269
00:13:50,410 --> 00:13:52,090
Well, I couldn't really, could I?
270
00:13:52,390 --> 00:13:56,449
Well, I think you're being a bit hasty.
Well, you'd better think of your
271
00:13:56,450 --> 00:13:58,290
responsibilities. Like what?
272
00:13:58,550 --> 00:13:59,750
Well, like me for a start.
273
00:14:00,050 --> 00:14:04,290
Hey, and that's another thing. Your
appetite's outside the UB40 range.
274
00:14:05,170 --> 00:14:06,490
It'll help you, Flynn.
275
00:14:07,110 --> 00:14:08,730
Well, think of the corner grocer.
276
00:14:08,731 --> 00:14:12,469
Yeah. Pamela, without your support,
he'll have to shut down a whole chest
277
00:14:12,470 --> 00:14:13,520
freezer.
278
00:14:15,270 --> 00:14:19,190
And the clothes, and the rent, and
clothes, and the phone.
279
00:14:19,191 --> 00:14:20,399
And clothes.
280
00:14:20,400 --> 00:14:22,379
And the gas and electricity and clothes.
281
00:14:22,380 --> 00:14:23,430
Plenty of clothes.
282
00:14:23,431 --> 00:14:26,459
Yeah, well, they'll be no good for you
when you lose the first six stone.
283
00:14:26,460 --> 00:14:30,640
Look, I dress smart for work. No work,
no need to.
284
00:14:30,641 --> 00:14:33,219
Pamela, you don't know what you're
saying.
285
00:14:33,220 --> 00:14:35,810
One in four young people are out of work
around here.
286
00:14:36,020 --> 00:14:40,019
If you and Malcolm and Teddy join me,
there'll be four out of four which will
287
00:14:40,020 --> 00:14:42,250
ruin the statistics and we'll all go to
jail.
288
00:14:44,140 --> 00:14:45,190
Think about it, Mel.
289
00:14:45,191 --> 00:14:48,009
This could be the best thing that's ever
happened to us.
290
00:14:48,010 --> 00:14:48,929
We'll get intact.
291
00:14:48,930 --> 00:14:51,230
No. All the Sheffield branch have been.
292
00:14:51,231 --> 00:14:54,889
The policy is that staff of a reasonable
age are offered a transfer to the
293
00:14:54,890 --> 00:14:55,769
nearest mud shop.
294
00:14:55,770 --> 00:14:58,780
Just happens the Sheffield crowd were a
bunch of granddads.
295
00:14:58,990 --> 00:15:01,880
One of them used to work here, Alan
Chambers. He was only 34.
296
00:15:02,250 --> 00:15:04,890
Precisely. We're talking modern
menswear, fella.
297
00:15:05,190 --> 00:15:08,500
You hit 30 and the next stop's Harris
Tweed and the old folks' home.
298
00:15:09,870 --> 00:15:12,530
You said Harris Tweed was in. That was
last September.
299
00:15:12,790 --> 00:15:13,840
Of course.
300
00:15:14,210 --> 00:15:16,770
So, er, where does all this leave me,
then?
301
00:15:17,480 --> 00:15:19,060
I suppose you are a bit marginal.
302
00:15:20,180 --> 00:15:22,890
Tell you what, I'll have a look in some
of me magazines.
303
00:15:22,891 --> 00:15:25,499
See if there's anything in the spring
collection that'll knock a year or two
304
00:15:25,500 --> 00:15:26,700
you. Spring collection?
305
00:15:26,760 --> 00:15:27,810
Shh, just out.
306
00:15:28,720 --> 00:15:31,130
Rumour is Tartan Flair's are due for a
comeback.
307
00:15:32,900 --> 00:15:33,980
Not on me, they're not.
308
00:15:34,340 --> 00:15:36,300
Yeah. Well, I'll check up on that one.
309
00:15:36,600 --> 00:15:38,340
Perhaps give Bruce Oldfield a ring.
310
00:15:38,660 --> 00:15:39,710
Listen to it.
311
00:15:40,240 --> 00:15:41,780
Oh, you are dodgy, man.
312
00:15:41,781 --> 00:15:45,359
All that luggage under your eyes and
them wrinkles.
313
00:15:45,360 --> 00:15:46,440
How long you had then?
314
00:15:46,760 --> 00:15:47,810
Came with the face.
315
00:15:49,900 --> 00:15:51,120
Maybe an high polo neck.
316
00:15:51,620 --> 00:15:52,670
And a floppy hat.
317
00:15:53,240 --> 00:15:54,920
Have you got any earrings? Get off.
318
00:15:54,921 --> 00:15:58,439
You've got to think positive, Malcolm. I
do, and I'm positive. I'm not wearing
319
00:15:58,440 --> 00:16:02,379
earrings. Malcolm, mod shops are a great
outfit to work for, provided you're
320
00:16:02,380 --> 00:16:03,820
trendy, keen and with it.
321
00:16:03,821 --> 00:16:06,699
I'll just stay dowdy, blunt and without
it, thank you.
322
00:16:06,700 --> 00:16:07,750
Get the commission.
323
00:16:07,920 --> 00:16:09,300
One percent on all sales.
324
00:16:09,301 --> 00:16:12,679
Will we get that here? Yeah, trouble is.
We don't sell anything.
325
00:16:12,680 --> 00:16:13,730
And there's jumpers.
326
00:16:14,420 --> 00:16:15,470
Cashmere, of course.
327
00:16:15,530 --> 00:16:17,030
A nightclub in Matthew Street.
328
00:16:17,031 --> 00:16:20,249
All employees of Mod Shops International
have free membership.
329
00:16:20,250 --> 00:16:21,750
I had a wander along last night.
330
00:16:21,950 --> 00:16:23,000
Very lively.
331
00:16:23,810 --> 00:16:26,610
Jumpers. Bit of a flea pit, is it? Very
smart.
332
00:16:27,110 --> 00:16:29,090
And a plentiful supply of the necessary.
333
00:16:29,690 --> 00:16:30,950
DDT? Women.
334
00:16:31,870 --> 00:16:33,170
Some white ravers and all.
335
00:16:33,171 --> 00:16:36,989
There was this one there in this leather
outfit that fitted just everywhere.
336
00:16:36,990 --> 00:16:38,850
What was she? An Aberdeen Angus?
337
00:16:46,220 --> 00:16:47,270
You going out?
338
00:16:47,271 --> 00:16:48,199
The mum.
339
00:16:48,200 --> 00:16:49,250
You coming?
340
00:16:49,260 --> 00:16:51,180
No, Malcolm was bringing me jeans back.
341
00:16:51,181 --> 00:16:52,119
Oh, aye?
342
00:16:52,120 --> 00:16:54,059
It's all right. It's not what you'd
think.
343
00:16:54,060 --> 00:16:57,560
He went to ride the other day when I
left, so the old crow let me wrap
344
00:16:57,640 --> 00:16:59,680
okay? And now he wants it back?
345
00:17:00,160 --> 00:17:01,210
Poor me.
346
00:17:02,480 --> 00:17:07,339
It wrapped around me so many times, it
looked like a roll of staircase carpet.
347
00:17:07,760 --> 00:17:10,590
That reminds me, when did you last back
in that landing?
348
00:17:10,880 --> 00:17:12,560
Thursday. Which Thursday?
349
00:17:12,920 --> 00:17:14,240
I don't know. Some Thursday.
350
00:17:14,241 --> 00:17:17,578
Stop picking on me, you. It's not my
fault Heath and Sid's giving you a bad
351
00:17:17,579 --> 00:17:19,800
time. I'm just sick of carrying people.
352
00:17:20,380 --> 00:17:21,430
You included.
353
00:17:21,720 --> 00:17:22,770
I do me bit.
354
00:17:23,040 --> 00:17:24,119
I do all the cooking.
355
00:17:25,339 --> 00:17:26,960
Like fish finger kebab.
356
00:17:27,520 --> 00:17:28,840
Well, I like to be original.
357
00:17:29,540 --> 00:17:30,590
And washing.
358
00:17:30,600 --> 00:17:33,490
Do you mean you'd take it down the
laundrette and ruin it?
359
00:17:34,260 --> 00:17:35,460
Where's my silk flower?
360
00:17:35,780 --> 00:17:36,830
Oh, I did it by hand.
361
00:17:37,020 --> 00:17:38,070
So where is it?
362
00:17:38,071 --> 00:17:41,139
Well, it blew off the line into next
door's garden and, well, you were having
363
00:17:41,140 --> 00:17:43,730
such a good time, I thought I'd collect
it tomorrow.
364
00:17:44,340 --> 00:17:45,390
Next door's kids.
365
00:17:45,391 --> 00:17:46,639
They're camping out, innit?
366
00:17:46,640 --> 00:17:47,690
Best you.
367
00:17:48,540 --> 00:17:49,700
Stay inside the mouth.
368
00:17:51,980 --> 00:17:53,980
I was listening to that. Tough.
369
00:17:58,220 --> 00:18:00,810
You'd better go first. She might be
throwing things.
370
00:18:00,820 --> 00:18:02,800
The only thing I'll be throwing is you.
371
00:18:03,020 --> 00:18:05,580
Out. Sorry, I only brought her jeans
back.
372
00:18:05,920 --> 00:18:07,000
Here I'm talking to.
373
00:18:07,780 --> 00:18:09,160
She causing trouble again?
374
00:18:09,280 --> 00:18:10,330
As ever.
375
00:18:10,840 --> 00:18:12,520
Hey, you might be getting the push.
376
00:18:12,900 --> 00:18:13,950
Could be.
377
00:18:13,951 --> 00:18:15,459
We've had the preliminary notices.
378
00:18:15,460 --> 00:18:17,740
I expect the letter in about three
weeks.
379
00:18:18,040 --> 00:18:20,120
Well, last one to the job centre for 50.
380
00:18:20,440 --> 00:18:22,840
Right. Pam's a bit unhappy at work.
381
00:18:22,841 --> 00:18:23,879
I'm leaving.
382
00:18:23,880 --> 00:18:25,800
Well, let's not be too hasty about this.
383
00:18:25,801 --> 00:18:29,479
I mean, Cluffy might get a transfer to
head office in Bournemouth and get run
384
00:18:29,480 --> 00:18:30,530
over by a hare.
385
00:18:31,620 --> 00:18:36,159
Yeah, or maybe he'll be doing one of his
bark rubbings and a tree will fall on
386
00:18:36,160 --> 00:18:37,210
him or something.
387
00:18:37,500 --> 00:18:38,880
That's the way he tells them.
388
00:18:40,200 --> 00:18:42,700
Rector, where do you go to sign off?
389
00:18:43,430 --> 00:18:44,480
DHSS. Where's that?
390
00:18:44,481 --> 00:18:46,989
I don't know where yours is. Look, it's
no fun, you know.
391
00:18:46,990 --> 00:18:48,250
How much money do you get?
392
00:18:48,410 --> 00:18:52,330
Well, nothing for six weeks. And then
not enough to keep you in silk blouses.
393
00:18:52,610 --> 00:18:54,050
And you have to go every week?
394
00:18:54,210 --> 00:18:56,790
Fortnightly. Look, are you two winding
me up?
395
00:18:57,310 --> 00:18:58,750
It'd be nice to lie in, though.
396
00:18:59,030 --> 00:19:00,650
Seven days a week. No, it's not.
397
00:19:01,110 --> 00:19:02,160
Then you can shut up.
398
00:19:02,161 --> 00:19:05,889
You want to go easy on Pamela or she'll
throw you out again. I'll do that.
399
00:19:05,890 --> 00:19:08,420
Yeah, well, we'll both be out if she
leaves the job.
400
00:19:08,421 --> 00:19:12,079
Stupid lump doesn't realise how tough
things are out in gyro land.
401
00:19:12,080 --> 00:19:14,599
Well, don't be so rude, then. You
antagonise people.
402
00:19:14,600 --> 00:19:15,650
Like you?
403
00:19:15,700 --> 00:19:16,750
Sometimes.
404
00:19:16,980 --> 00:19:20,280
Yeah, well, she's my sister and
you're... Well, you don't count.
405
00:19:20,281 --> 00:19:22,179
Careful, you nearly said something nice
there.
406
00:19:22,180 --> 00:19:24,520
Hello. It's all these visits to Mel's.
407
00:19:25,040 --> 00:19:28,470
Next thing I'll be breeding Siamese cats
and pressing wildflowers.
408
00:19:29,040 --> 00:19:31,630
With you, it's more likely to be the
other way round.
409
00:19:35,300 --> 00:19:37,460
Your jeans are in the bag.
410
00:19:38,000 --> 00:19:39,050
Right.
411
00:19:39,180 --> 00:19:42,310
Oh, my mum said to remind you that that
skirt is dry -clean only.
412
00:19:42,660 --> 00:19:45,740
What? I only had it on for an hour. She
can get lost.
413
00:19:46,100 --> 00:19:47,150
I'll do it myself.
414
00:19:47,151 --> 00:19:48,059
Don't you dare.
415
00:19:48,060 --> 00:19:50,650
If they charge by the square yard, it'll
cost a bomb.
416
00:19:52,800 --> 00:19:54,240
Brenda, don't be so horrible.
417
00:19:54,241 --> 00:19:56,959
You're always going on about people's
physical appearances.
418
00:19:56,960 --> 00:19:58,010
No, I'm not.
419
00:19:58,020 --> 00:20:01,150
It's just that I'm surrounded by loads
of fatties and longies.
420
00:20:01,680 --> 00:20:02,730
Longies?
421
00:20:02,920 --> 00:20:04,120
Longies. You're a longie.
422
00:20:04,121 --> 00:20:07,679
I think you've got to hang up about
these things. They say that short people
423
00:20:07,680 --> 00:20:08,760
tend to be aggressive.
424
00:20:08,920 --> 00:20:11,500
And violent and argumentative. Shut it.
425
00:20:11,860 --> 00:20:13,720
Little headbutt you'd in the kneecap.
426
00:20:14,940 --> 00:20:15,990
OK, I give in.
427
00:20:16,120 --> 00:20:17,560
Don't you dare fight me.
428
00:20:22,440 --> 00:20:23,490
Hello?
429
00:20:23,940 --> 00:20:25,120
Yeah, I'll just get him.
430
00:20:27,060 --> 00:20:29,400
It's your mother. Her cauldron sprung a
leak.
431
00:20:38,990 --> 00:20:40,490
Oh, in an hour or so.
432
00:20:41,470 --> 00:20:42,850
All right, as soon as I can.
433
00:20:44,250 --> 00:20:45,300
What?
434
00:20:45,810 --> 00:20:46,860
Jammed in the pump?
435
00:20:48,470 --> 00:20:50,310
No, I've no idea. I'll see you shortly.
436
00:20:51,710 --> 00:20:53,940
The washing machine's flooded the
kitchen.
437
00:20:53,941 --> 00:20:57,329
She took the plate off the pump and it
was all jammed up with little bits of
438
00:20:57,330 --> 00:20:58,369
yellow plastic.
439
00:20:58,370 --> 00:20:59,790
Oh, no, poor Donald.
440
00:21:04,210 --> 00:21:05,770
Well, I'd better go.
441
00:21:06,150 --> 00:21:07,230
What about Thursday?
442
00:21:07,231 --> 00:21:09,279
What about birdwatching?
443
00:21:09,280 --> 00:21:10,299
Are you serious?
444
00:21:10,300 --> 00:21:13,019
I thought you'd had it about up to here
with birdwatching. Or in your case, up
445
00:21:13,020 --> 00:21:13,579
to here.
446
00:21:13,580 --> 00:21:15,619
You're looking to get your leg in a
sling.
447
00:21:15,620 --> 00:21:19,759
OK, OK, birdwatching it is. But this
time, on my terms, I definitely want to
448
00:21:19,760 --> 00:21:21,620
those grebies doing the square dance.
449
00:21:21,780 --> 00:21:23,100
Oh, the courtship display.
450
00:21:23,120 --> 00:21:24,170
Suit yourself.
451
00:21:24,280 --> 00:21:26,020
You really are hooked, aren't you?
452
00:21:26,120 --> 00:21:27,170
Well, it's allowed.
453
00:21:29,080 --> 00:21:30,640
Just cos I haven't got a job.
454
00:21:30,960 --> 00:21:33,220
And I'm little and... Sorry.
455
00:21:35,220 --> 00:21:36,820
I suppose we did go on a bit.
456
00:21:38,410 --> 00:21:41,590
But I'll still go bed watching, even
though he's gone.
457
00:21:41,930 --> 00:21:42,980
Eh?
458
00:21:43,470 --> 00:21:45,270
Well, Donald would have wanted me to.
459
00:21:50,121 --> 00:21:51,589
See
460
00:21:51,590 --> 00:21:59,489
this
461
00:21:59,490 --> 00:22:01,049
one, where he spreads his wings?
462
00:22:01,050 --> 00:22:02,550
That's called the cat display.
463
00:22:03,410 --> 00:22:04,460
Brilliant.
464
00:22:04,770 --> 00:22:06,150
What about the penguin?
465
00:22:06,430 --> 00:22:07,750
Oh, that's towards the end.
466
00:22:07,751 --> 00:22:11,689
They dive in and come up together, sort
of tiptoe, beating the feet to keep
467
00:22:11,690 --> 00:22:12,740
vertical.
468
00:22:15,370 --> 00:22:18,680
Well, let's have a go at your
binoculars. They're better than mine.
469
00:22:20,550 --> 00:22:21,600
There they go.
470
00:22:22,090 --> 00:22:23,170
What are the old ones?
471
00:22:24,250 --> 00:22:25,300
Weed.
472
00:22:25,370 --> 00:22:27,720
Look, I've told you, I can't help being
little.
473
00:22:29,350 --> 00:22:31,030
Oh, look, he's offering her a fish.
474
00:22:31,031 --> 00:22:33,209
Oh, hey, Mal, can you never do that for
me?
475
00:22:33,210 --> 00:22:35,560
Yeah, wait till you see what she has to
do for it.
476
00:22:39,150 --> 00:22:40,650
I think I'll go back in the hide.
477
00:22:40,750 --> 00:22:41,800
You coming?
478
00:22:43,990 --> 00:22:45,230
Oh, no, she's back early.
479
00:22:45,280 --> 00:22:49,830
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