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1
00:00:04,550 --> 00:00:07,690
It was boredom at first sight.
2
00:00:07,930 --> 00:00:11,170
You could hardly call him right.
3
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He is no one's Mr.
4
00:00:14,470 --> 00:00:17,770
Right. But what do I see in him?
5
00:00:19,190 --> 00:00:22,470
But then I'm not so ideal.
6
00:00:22,930 --> 00:00:29,650
I'm not gentle or genteel. So the
question should be what does he...
7
00:00:48,371 --> 00:00:50,339
What's up with you?
8
00:00:50,340 --> 00:00:51,390
Morning, Terry.
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00:00:51,460 --> 00:00:52,510
Oh.
10
00:00:53,020 --> 00:00:54,740
I'll do that. You sit down.
11
00:00:55,180 --> 00:00:56,230
Thanks.
12
00:00:58,960 --> 00:01:00,280
Must have been a good night.
13
00:01:00,360 --> 00:01:01,410
Good night.
14
00:01:02,420 --> 00:01:04,660
Oi. On your toes. It's Ambrose.
15
00:01:04,980 --> 00:01:06,030
Morning, Mr. Ambrose.
16
00:01:06,820 --> 00:01:08,960
Where? It's all right. He's not in
today.
17
00:01:09,091 --> 00:01:11,159
Late night.
18
00:01:11,160 --> 00:01:12,460
Hmm. Brenda.
19
00:01:13,960 --> 00:01:15,400
I thought we had to run it home.
20
00:01:15,840 --> 00:01:16,890
Not from your place.
21
00:01:17,520 --> 00:01:19,580
I was in my place, she was in Crewe.
22
00:01:19,900 --> 00:01:22,860
Crewe? I was going to London.
23
00:01:23,180 --> 00:01:24,230
Changed her mind.
24
00:01:24,360 --> 00:01:25,410
You are a mug.
25
00:01:25,800 --> 00:01:26,850
I am a mug.
26
00:01:27,380 --> 00:01:30,510
Still. I suppose you should be glad she
hasn't reached Watford.
27
00:01:33,220 --> 00:01:35,260
So you're not making any progress, then?
28
00:01:35,740 --> 00:01:37,200
What? You know.
29
00:01:37,840 --> 00:01:39,340
Oh, impossible.
30
00:01:40,700 --> 00:01:41,860
We start off OK.
31
00:01:42,540 --> 00:01:44,040
Well, you know what she's like.
32
00:01:44,100 --> 00:01:45,150
Compulsive messer.
33
00:01:45,420 --> 00:01:47,000
Never shuts up, never listens.
34
00:01:47,740 --> 00:01:50,420
Always taking the mick. Yeah, we have
met.
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00:01:51,240 --> 00:01:55,820
Then by the end of the evening, that's
just... I just want to go to bed.
36
00:01:56,220 --> 00:01:57,900
Well, that's progress, isn't it?
37
00:01:59,460 --> 00:02:00,510
Then what happens?
38
00:02:02,360 --> 00:02:03,410
Malcolm?
39
00:02:05,080 --> 00:02:06,130
Malcolm?
40
00:02:06,960 --> 00:02:08,300
Five more minutes, Mum.
41
00:02:16,330 --> 00:02:17,380
What do you think?
42
00:02:17,770 --> 00:02:19,210
Ludicrous. Yeah, it is better.
43
00:02:21,290 --> 00:02:22,340
You're late.
44
00:02:22,341 --> 00:02:25,989
Wolfie's been cracking the whistle. Oh,
I could crack his head. He's just a big
45
00:02:25,990 --> 00:02:29,549
kid who wants to have his cake and eat
it. Oh, I never thought of you as a
46
00:02:29,550 --> 00:02:30,600
of cake.
47
00:02:30,601 --> 00:02:34,189
He's gone all prissy ever since I told
him what he could do with his turnip
48
00:02:34,190 --> 00:02:36,410
wine. I don't want you to see me,
though.
49
00:02:37,130 --> 00:02:41,289
But you will remember to put those
personal letters I sent you in the paper
50
00:02:41,290 --> 00:02:45,180
shredder. Not the only thing of his I'd
like to put in the shredder.
51
00:02:45,580 --> 00:02:46,720
Come on, that's Sydney.
52
00:02:47,340 --> 00:02:48,390
Smarmy slob.
53
00:02:48,780 --> 00:02:51,430
And have you not sent out those claim
summaries yet?
54
00:02:51,720 --> 00:02:54,970
You forget that after a bank holiday,
everyone gets a bit behind.
55
00:02:55,060 --> 00:02:57,230
I suppose you've got more behind than
most.
56
00:02:57,580 --> 00:03:00,020
I thought you were going to London. It
was closed.
57
00:03:00,900 --> 00:03:03,550
Noah got dragged off the train by an
admirer of a crew.
58
00:03:03,960 --> 00:03:05,460
Pleaded with me to stay, he did.
59
00:03:05,600 --> 00:03:08,820
Oh, aye. You got Muggins Malcolm to
bring you back, did you? Yeah.
60
00:03:09,060 --> 00:03:10,110
And his sidecar.
61
00:03:10,510 --> 00:03:12,980
No, he rode the bike. You can't get two
in a sidecar.
62
00:03:14,070 --> 00:03:18,910
The pluffy's still giving it hard time,
you say?
63
00:03:19,290 --> 00:03:20,450
Oh, he's so petty.
64
00:03:20,810 --> 00:03:22,250
You're too good for him, true.
65
00:03:22,450 --> 00:03:25,280
He doesn't appreciate a good thing while
he's having it.
66
00:03:26,870 --> 00:03:28,870
Just a bloody big kid, he is.
67
00:03:28,871 --> 00:03:30,349
Well, there's the answer.
68
00:03:30,350 --> 00:03:33,429
Tell him if he doesn't grow up, you'll
put a teddy bear in the shredder. I
69
00:03:33,430 --> 00:03:34,480
just do that.
70
00:03:35,230 --> 00:03:36,280
How's yours?
71
00:03:36,590 --> 00:03:38,330
That's the sleeper under me pillow.
72
00:03:39,270 --> 00:03:40,320
Malcolm.
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00:03:40,549 --> 00:03:41,599
He's a drip as well.
74
00:03:41,870 --> 00:03:44,940
If he was any wetter, you'd have to
follow him round with a mop.
75
00:03:45,470 --> 00:03:47,030
We should give them both the eve.
76
00:03:47,031 --> 00:03:48,129
You're right.
77
00:03:48,130 --> 00:03:51,649
There again, the next along might be
way. Could be violence or rub your face
78
00:03:51,650 --> 00:03:52,849
when you weren't looking.
79
00:03:52,850 --> 00:03:53,900
But is he right?
80
00:03:54,450 --> 00:03:58,689
At least my honeythologist is well
-meaning, kind to his mum, and always
81
00:03:58,690 --> 00:03:59,740
his armpits.
82
00:03:59,741 --> 00:04:01,009
That's nice.
83
00:04:01,010 --> 00:04:03,130
Yeah. I hate fellas who smell, don't
you?
84
00:04:03,131 --> 00:04:06,409
Especially when you're going to be
wrapped around them on the back of a
85
00:04:06,410 --> 00:04:07,770
Just like Nathan a bin bag.
86
00:04:09,370 --> 00:04:10,870
Which brings us back to Sydney.
87
00:04:10,871 --> 00:04:13,449
I think you're the saints that put up
with them, nothing less.
88
00:04:13,450 --> 00:04:16,269
I just have this wonderfully kind and
generous nature.
89
00:04:16,570 --> 00:04:17,710
And he takes advantage.
90
00:04:18,250 --> 00:04:20,230
No, Pamela, you're the fool to yourself.
91
00:04:20,550 --> 00:04:22,410
She's a one -off, isn't she, Malcolm?
92
00:04:23,930 --> 00:04:27,150
Once they made Pamela, they broke the
mould.
93
00:04:27,470 --> 00:04:29,760
You're right there, Malcolm. Broke the
mould.
94
00:04:29,810 --> 00:04:32,100
And with the pieces, they made three new
ones.
95
00:04:32,310 --> 00:04:33,360
What did you say?
96
00:04:33,630 --> 00:04:34,680
What did she say?
97
00:04:34,681 --> 00:04:37,669
I didn't quite catch it. People
watching, we could take one each if
98
00:04:37,670 --> 00:04:38,720
three new ones.
99
00:04:39,340 --> 00:04:41,330
Same again, Mal? Oh, yes, please. I
know.
100
00:04:41,331 --> 00:04:44,639
Oh, no, Tara, not for me. I'm going
after this. Don't worry, I'll have this.
101
00:04:44,640 --> 00:04:45,690
It's your shout.
102
00:04:48,320 --> 00:04:50,400
You never have any new ones these days.
103
00:04:50,401 --> 00:04:51,959
Well, it's Mary.
104
00:04:51,960 --> 00:04:53,010
Oh, we've done her.
105
00:04:53,011 --> 00:04:56,599
You've done her. And I'm afraid it's
none out of ten for that one, Pamela.
106
00:04:56,600 --> 00:05:00,079
better have another go. Have you been
talking to her? That's against the
107
00:05:00,080 --> 00:05:01,039
No choice.
108
00:05:01,040 --> 00:05:04,819
I was in the laundress on Wednesday, and
when it came to my turn for the dryer,
109
00:05:04,820 --> 00:05:08,130
she catches a ride for seven large
stockings and a birdcage cover.
110
00:05:08,970 --> 00:05:10,020
Bevan Stockman.
111
00:05:10,270 --> 00:05:11,320
That's what it says.
112
00:05:11,710 --> 00:05:13,940
One for straining the chip fat. Oh, of
course.
113
00:05:15,810 --> 00:05:18,250
And she's not from Southport. She's from
Hale.
114
00:05:18,630 --> 00:05:20,110
Hale? Hale in Cheshire.
115
00:05:20,410 --> 00:05:22,150
Well, then we can call her Hale Mary.
116
00:05:23,630 --> 00:05:26,280
Well, that's another thing. She calls
herself Frida.
117
00:05:26,330 --> 00:05:28,790
Oh, no, that's too much. She's wrong
there.
118
00:05:29,150 --> 00:05:30,450
She's definitely a Mary.
119
00:05:30,830 --> 00:05:32,330
Mind you, write about it, Pete.
120
00:05:32,331 --> 00:05:33,549
Not around.
121
00:05:33,550 --> 00:05:35,720
She got him in a car boot sale in Mosley
Hill.
122
00:05:36,810 --> 00:05:37,860
See you later.
123
00:05:39,660 --> 00:05:40,710
Oh,
124
00:05:41,120 --> 00:05:43,410
put the change on the tower, Harold.
Thank you.
125
00:05:46,440 --> 00:05:49,260
Strange smell over there.
126
00:05:49,560 --> 00:05:50,880
Yeah, we call it Cedric.
127
00:05:52,700 --> 00:05:54,200
It's like stale cabbage water.
128
00:05:54,560 --> 00:05:57,990
He works down the veg market and
distills his own aftershave out the
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00:05:59,120 --> 00:06:00,170
Does he?
130
00:06:00,460 --> 00:06:03,410
I'll get you some if you like. It'll
freshen up your sidecar.
131
00:06:04,480 --> 00:06:07,620
No, I mean, does he work at the... Oh,
you're making it up.
132
00:06:07,930 --> 00:06:09,370
Gosh, Mal, you've rumbled me.
133
00:06:09,971 --> 00:06:12,829
You've been people -watching.
134
00:06:12,830 --> 00:06:13,789
Just a bit.
135
00:06:13,790 --> 00:06:14,840
Do you want a turn?
136
00:06:14,841 --> 00:06:18,189
Not the moment. I can't compete. I still
feel a bit dozy. Well, if you will,
137
00:06:18,190 --> 00:06:22,169
spend your nights kidnapping innocent
young girls from cosy railway stations.
138
00:06:22,170 --> 00:06:24,489
I don't know why I bother for all the
thanks I get.
139
00:06:24,490 --> 00:06:26,090
Thanks. It's all right.
140
00:06:27,750 --> 00:06:29,250
So how did you survive the day?
141
00:06:29,990 --> 00:06:33,090
Terry covered for me. He's all right,
you know. What about you?
142
00:06:33,430 --> 00:06:35,790
I've got this trick. It's very clever,
really.
143
00:06:36,170 --> 00:06:39,240
If I'm tired after a late night, I'll
spend the next day in bed.
144
00:06:40,850 --> 00:06:42,110
It's all right, Mrs Storm.
145
00:06:42,111 --> 00:06:45,069
It's one of the little luxuries this
government makes available for the likes
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00:06:45,070 --> 00:06:45,929
me.
147
00:06:45,930 --> 00:06:48,760
I take it you and Pamela are OK again?
Yeah, we're mended.
148
00:06:49,510 --> 00:06:52,270
Actually, she's got other problems with
hissing Sid.
149
00:06:52,670 --> 00:06:54,010
He doesn't appreciate her.
150
00:06:54,970 --> 00:06:56,020
Yeah, so you said.
151
00:06:56,190 --> 00:07:00,149
It does seem an unlikely relationship,
though. They're so different, aren't
152
00:07:00,150 --> 00:07:01,590
they? You're not wrong, Malc.
153
00:07:01,591 --> 00:07:05,119
be something in the genes. This
interests our family as in semi
154
00:07:05,120 --> 00:07:06,170
wallies.
155
00:07:06,171 --> 00:07:11,459
Much, he can't be as rude as you or he'd
have called it off years ago.
156
00:07:11,460 --> 00:07:12,840
Well, toot him, doesn't he?
157
00:07:12,980 --> 00:07:14,030
He's got it made.
158
00:07:14,940 --> 00:07:19,139
He's got a plastic wife and Labrador
back home in Frodsham and his own
159
00:07:19,140 --> 00:07:20,600
snog -ography here in town.
160
00:07:23,580 --> 00:07:25,160
Brenda? Yes?
161
00:07:30,420 --> 00:07:31,480
Pamela and Sidney.
162
00:07:31,900 --> 00:07:34,520
Do they, er... No, of course not.
163
00:07:34,920 --> 00:07:36,020
What a thing to say.
164
00:07:36,620 --> 00:07:38,720
They're just very, very close friends.
165
00:07:39,580 --> 00:07:42,050
In its own way, it's quite a stable
relationship.
166
00:07:42,700 --> 00:07:44,520
But they do, er, horse around.
167
00:07:45,000 --> 00:07:46,760
Eh? Horse around.
168
00:07:47,000 --> 00:07:48,080
Stable relationship.
169
00:07:50,880 --> 00:07:52,380
Malcolm, what a dreadful joke.
170
00:07:52,740 --> 00:07:54,850
Promise you'll never do that again.
Sorry.
171
00:07:55,020 --> 00:07:57,250
No, it's just that he takes advantage of
her.
172
00:07:57,460 --> 00:08:01,449
You know, she's good. Aunt Pamela,
unlike lots of secretaries, she
173
00:08:01,450 --> 00:08:04,509
most of her time covering up his cock
-ups for a tenth of his money.
174
00:08:04,510 --> 00:08:05,630
She deserves better.
175
00:08:06,350 --> 00:08:09,490
How long's she worked there? Since
school. Have you got 10p?
176
00:08:11,050 --> 00:08:15,269
She started in the mail room back in the
olden days before they decided you
177
00:08:15,270 --> 00:08:17,110
needed 2A levels to carry a postbag.
178
00:08:18,570 --> 00:08:20,860
And then she went to night school for a
tycoon.
179
00:08:21,250 --> 00:08:22,300
Hold on.
180
00:08:22,950 --> 00:08:24,390
It must be ten years nearly.
181
00:08:24,391 --> 00:08:27,829
So don't you think there should be a
little party?
182
00:08:27,830 --> 00:08:28,880
Why not?
183
00:08:45,130 --> 00:08:48,050
They all smoke, too. I hate people who
smoke, don't you?
184
00:08:48,051 --> 00:08:51,669
No, actually, I don't. Not as much as I
hate people who rabbit on relentlessly
185
00:08:51,670 --> 00:08:56,529
and assume that their prattle is
understandable to the people they're
186
00:08:56,530 --> 00:09:00,550
actually it's so confusing that the
people just switch off or walk out.
187
00:09:00,551 --> 00:09:04,409
Well, I hope you don't mind me saying
this. Well, you're a bit like that
188
00:09:04,410 --> 00:09:05,460
yourself.
189
00:09:06,590 --> 00:09:07,640
Oh, my gosh.
190
00:09:08,190 --> 00:09:09,240
Now, where were we?
191
00:09:09,670 --> 00:09:11,290
Oh, yeah, you suggested a party.
192
00:09:11,490 --> 00:09:12,870
Oh, had I? That's a surprise.
193
00:09:18,320 --> 00:09:19,370
Hold on a minute.
194
00:09:19,560 --> 00:09:20,820
You're right again, Malc.
195
00:09:21,020 --> 00:09:22,340
Did you organise the food?
196
00:09:22,500 --> 00:09:25,570
And we'll fix up the food between us.
How are your fairy cakes?
197
00:09:29,360 --> 00:09:31,700
God, Malc, I don't know how we do it.
198
00:09:31,960 --> 00:09:35,390
When the time calls for a really crazy
idea, we can always rely on you.
199
00:09:36,920 --> 00:09:38,980
Hey, Malc, might as well come in line.
200
00:09:52,010 --> 00:09:56,949
Unfortunately, we are unable to proceed
with your claim for damage to personal
201
00:09:56,950 --> 00:10:03,689
effects until all, underline all, boxes
of the appropriate form CL stroke
202
00:10:03,690 --> 00:10:05,770
214 have been completed.
203
00:10:06,210 --> 00:10:11,690
I would also point out that the case is
not helped and may even be prejudiced.
204
00:10:12,080 --> 00:10:16,539
by unflattering remarks relating to the
response time of the local constabulary
205
00:10:16,540 --> 00:10:19,700
and the parenthood of particular
officers.
206
00:10:21,640 --> 00:10:23,500
Yours sincerely, Sidney J.
207
00:10:23,820 --> 00:10:24,870
Clough.
208
00:10:24,871 --> 00:10:28,879
Right, Miss Wilson, if you have that lot
ready by four, I'll sign them then.
209
00:10:28,880 --> 00:10:32,680
Oh, and, um, you have disposed of the
you -know -what in the you -know -where.
210
00:10:33,060 --> 00:10:36,940
Now, listen here, Sidney. Ah, ah, ah, Mr
Clough, when we're in the office.
211
00:10:37,440 --> 00:10:41,779
Then regarding the matter of damage to
personal effects... Any day now, Miss
212
00:10:41,780 --> 00:10:44,560
Wilson will place Mr Clough's you -know
-what -he.
213
00:10:47,460 --> 00:10:50,500
Hello, claims, deputy assistant under
manager's office.
214
00:10:51,540 --> 00:10:53,340
For you, a Mrs McDonald.
215
00:10:54,500 --> 00:10:55,550
Hello?
216
00:10:56,640 --> 00:10:57,760
Yes, speaking.
217
00:10:59,860 --> 00:11:00,910
No,
218
00:11:01,220 --> 00:11:05,560
no, not really. You see, strictly, the
home contents policy doesn't cover pets.
219
00:11:10,110 --> 00:11:13,590
I see, and how precisely did he come to
singe his trunk?
220
00:11:16,330 --> 00:11:20,330
Until the brigade arrived.
221
00:11:20,790 --> 00:11:23,290
Well, yes, you're right, it is a bit
complicated.
222
00:11:24,110 --> 00:11:25,290
Yes, by all means.
223
00:11:26,170 --> 00:11:31,209
It's just that 1 .30 is a touch awkward
as I usually go to... Oh, well, if
224
00:11:31,210 --> 00:11:32,610
that's the only time.
225
00:11:33,470 --> 00:11:34,520
No, no, no.
226
00:11:34,750 --> 00:11:36,730
No need to bring Henry with you.
227
00:12:03,699 --> 00:12:04,860
Hello? Who is it?
228
00:12:05,280 --> 00:12:06,680
It's Mrs Macdonald.
229
00:12:06,920 --> 00:12:08,640
Ah yes, come in Mrs Macdonald.
230
00:12:10,300 --> 00:12:11,660
You. Hi, is this?
231
00:12:11,661 --> 00:12:12,879
What do you want?
232
00:12:12,880 --> 00:12:14,260
I brought you some gas sheds.
233
00:12:16,080 --> 00:12:17,600
Was that you on the phone?
234
00:12:20,620 --> 00:12:22,580
Yes, I had to leave Henry downstairs.
235
00:12:23,080 --> 00:12:26,510
His lift doors closed a bit fast and I
thought he might catch his ears.
236
00:12:27,080 --> 00:12:28,130
Now listen.
237
00:12:28,320 --> 00:12:32,019
You have no business in this building. I
shall have strong words with your
238
00:12:32,020 --> 00:12:33,070
sister about this.
239
00:12:33,120 --> 00:12:34,170
Sit down.
240
00:12:34,800 --> 00:12:36,120
Don't speak to me like that.
241
00:12:36,240 --> 00:12:37,320
Shut up. No, listen.
242
00:12:37,540 --> 00:12:39,780
No, Sidney, you listen and keep it this.
243
00:12:40,560 --> 00:12:43,540
One, I do have business in this office
with you, in fact.
244
00:12:43,960 --> 00:12:46,560
Two, you won't mention my little
visitor, Pamela.
245
00:12:46,840 --> 00:12:51,179
And three, if you don't keep quiet, I
shall be forced to conduct this
246
00:12:51,180 --> 00:12:54,020
at 17 Ante Rhinum Close, Frodsham.
247
00:12:54,580 --> 00:12:55,630
Phone book.
248
00:12:56,600 --> 00:12:57,650
What do you want?
249
00:12:57,690 --> 00:12:58,740
You to be nice.
250
00:12:59,150 --> 00:13:00,530
What are you talking about?
251
00:13:01,150 --> 00:13:05,429
Sidney, you are a mean, inconsiderate,
conceited, thoughtless, two -timing
252
00:13:05,430 --> 00:13:09,409
fleabag. Now, look... Which, as you were
about to point out, is none of my
253
00:13:09,410 --> 00:13:13,450
business. Only it is my sister you're
taking advantage of, and I don't like
254
00:13:13,510 --> 00:13:14,690
So I want you to change.
255
00:13:14,990 --> 00:13:17,040
Not too much, or she won't recognise
you.
256
00:13:17,310 --> 00:13:20,910
But what is needed is a spontaneous
showing of your appreciation.
257
00:13:21,910 --> 00:13:24,080
I gave her those wine glasses at
Christmas.
258
00:13:26,320 --> 00:13:30,060
You gave her 24 coupons and told her
which petrol station to pick her up at.
259
00:13:31,680 --> 00:13:35,460
However, your next idea involves putting
those glasses to good use.
260
00:13:35,880 --> 00:13:36,930
Oh, does it?
261
00:13:36,931 --> 00:13:40,719
You've decided to throw a surprise party
for your favourite stenographer next
262
00:13:40,720 --> 00:13:44,780
Friday. Will you fix up the food,
Brenda? Yes, of course I will, Sidney.
263
00:13:44,781 --> 00:13:48,399
I'll look after the liquid refreshment.
Well, that's very good of you, Sidney.
264
00:13:48,400 --> 00:13:53,359
And if you don't agree, the lovely Mrs
MacDonald will feel compelled to make
265
00:13:53,360 --> 00:13:54,410
a...
266
00:13:54,640 --> 00:13:56,740
telephone call to Auntie Rhynam Close.
267
00:13:57,280 --> 00:14:00,700
And if that's not enough, she'll get
every upper here to sit on you.
268
00:14:36,069 --> 00:14:37,119
Terry? Yep?
269
00:14:37,430 --> 00:14:38,930
Can you make butterfly cakes?
270
00:14:41,130 --> 00:14:42,180
Butterfly cakes?
271
00:14:42,181 --> 00:14:45,889
I used to, when I was a kid. You sort of
cut an upside -down cone out the
272
00:14:45,890 --> 00:14:48,829
centre, halve it, fill the middle with
cream. Malcolm? Then you put the two
273
00:14:48,830 --> 00:14:52,449
wings in the cream, like wings, sort of.
Malcolm, this is a joke, isn't it?
274
00:14:52,450 --> 00:14:54,490
One of your traditionally unfunny jokes.
275
00:14:54,990 --> 00:14:57,510
No. I just can't remember how you make
the cream.
276
00:14:58,490 --> 00:14:59,540
Brenda.
277
00:14:59,570 --> 00:15:01,090
What? I smell Brenda.
278
00:15:01,091 --> 00:15:03,709
She's setting you up for something.
Yeah.
279
00:15:03,710 --> 00:15:04,669
Well, I mean, no.
280
00:15:04,670 --> 00:15:08,509
See, there's a party for Pamela that
we're not going to, Brenda and me. At
281
00:15:08,510 --> 00:15:11,129
we are going, but only till it gets
going, cos then we're going, because her
282
00:15:11,130 --> 00:15:12,689
gang smoke, at least a lot of them do.
283
00:15:12,690 --> 00:15:15,809
And Brenda and me are in charge of food,
see. Just stop there. I'll go back to
284
00:15:15,810 --> 00:15:17,980
the door, turn round and we'll start
again.
285
00:15:18,610 --> 00:15:20,130
Next Friday, there's a party.
286
00:15:20,530 --> 00:15:22,880
And you've been told to make butterfly
cakes?
287
00:15:22,950 --> 00:15:24,000
No, they're my idea.
288
00:15:24,830 --> 00:15:26,450
OK, confuse me some more.
289
00:15:26,810 --> 00:15:28,130
Pamela's birthday, is it?
290
00:15:28,131 --> 00:15:31,289
Anniversary. On Friday of this week,
she'll have been in a present job nine
291
00:15:31,290 --> 00:15:32,939
years, seven months and two weeks.
292
00:15:32,940 --> 00:15:34,740
Obviously a course for celebration.
293
00:15:35,160 --> 00:15:36,210
It's a surprise.
294
00:15:36,340 --> 00:15:37,540
Yeah, I'm sure it will be.
295
00:15:37,541 --> 00:15:42,359
See, if we'd waited until the ten years
were up... Malcolm, please don't bother
296
00:15:42,360 --> 00:15:43,199
to explain.
297
00:15:43,200 --> 00:15:46,839
Anything involving those two is bound to
mean somebody being taken for a ride.
298
00:15:46,840 --> 00:15:48,120
My guess is that it's you.
299
00:15:52,660 --> 00:15:53,710
Sidney.
300
00:15:53,960 --> 00:15:55,680
Sidney. Oh, yeah.
301
00:15:55,920 --> 00:15:58,620
Big Sid, the wrestling promoter. From
where was it?
302
00:15:59,719 --> 00:16:03,449
Frodsham? Oh, that was just Brenda's
little joke. Yeah, at my expense that
303
00:16:03,480 --> 00:16:05,530
She made out it was some sort of Las
Vegas.
304
00:16:05,531 --> 00:16:06,599
It's not, is it?
305
00:16:06,600 --> 00:16:09,199
It's the sort of place they all turn out
Saturday nights to watch the traffic
306
00:16:09,200 --> 00:16:10,250
lights change.
307
00:16:11,300 --> 00:16:12,620
That's quite nice, really.
308
00:16:12,840 --> 00:16:14,520
I had an uncle who lived there once.
309
00:16:14,900 --> 00:16:15,950
He's dead now.
310
00:16:17,060 --> 00:16:18,140
You mentioned Sydney.
311
00:16:18,141 --> 00:16:21,539
Oh, yeah, well, see, he's been giving
Pamela a hard time.
312
00:16:21,540 --> 00:16:24,730
You know, taking advantage of her easy
-going nature and... What?
313
00:16:24,731 --> 00:16:27,049
Well, he doesn't appreciate her.
314
00:16:27,050 --> 00:16:29,509
And Brenda's planning another little
joke, is she?
315
00:16:29,510 --> 00:16:31,170
No, well, not a joke as such.
316
00:16:31,171 --> 00:16:34,609
See, she's sort of persuaded him that he
ought to be more considerate. The party
317
00:16:34,610 --> 00:16:35,609
will be his idea.
318
00:16:35,610 --> 00:16:36,609
What does she do?
319
00:16:36,610 --> 00:16:38,410
Leave an horse's head on his pillow?
320
00:16:39,270 --> 00:16:40,320
Pardon?
321
00:16:40,490 --> 00:16:42,490
Marlon Brando, the godfather.
322
00:16:43,150 --> 00:16:44,200
Oh, never mind.
323
00:16:45,110 --> 00:16:48,710
Look, I think you've got Brenda all
wrong. She's not like that.
324
00:16:48,950 --> 00:16:50,930
Underneath, she's a very caring person.
325
00:16:51,150 --> 00:16:54,430
Just at times, she can't resist having a
little fun.
326
00:16:54,431 --> 00:16:55,529
Oh, yeah?
327
00:16:55,530 --> 00:16:59,349
Well, I believe that when someone works
one on her and she joins in the giggles.
328
00:16:59,350 --> 00:17:00,400
Sure she would.
329
00:17:00,670 --> 00:17:02,070
She appreciates a good joke.
330
00:17:04,470 --> 00:17:08,270
Maybe I should put sour cream in the
butterfly cake.
331
00:17:10,470 --> 00:17:11,520
No.
332
00:17:11,521 --> 00:17:13,769
There's got to be something better than
that.
333
00:17:13,770 --> 00:17:14,820
Shaving cream.
334
00:17:15,329 --> 00:17:16,379
Oh, what a whiz.
335
00:17:17,921 --> 00:17:19,989
That's the lot.
336
00:17:19,990 --> 00:17:21,310
They'll be here any minute.
337
00:17:21,520 --> 00:17:26,279
These other friends, there's nobody from
the office, is there? No, Sidney, don't
338
00:17:26,280 --> 00:17:27,039
you worry.
339
00:17:27,040 --> 00:17:30,399
They're a carefully selected bunch of
dipsomaniacs who wouldn't know you if
340
00:17:30,400 --> 00:17:33,950
fell over you, which they probably will
do in the course of the evening.
341
00:17:33,951 --> 00:17:38,879
At the moment, they're in training round
at the grapes with instructions to be
342
00:17:38,880 --> 00:17:40,080
here at seven precisely.
343
00:17:40,081 --> 00:17:42,319
Otherwise, we'll set Malcolm on to them.
344
00:17:42,320 --> 00:17:44,120
These curtains look a bit odd.
345
00:17:44,480 --> 00:17:45,530
Shut up.
346
00:17:46,040 --> 00:17:47,180
Oh, hell, they're here.
347
00:17:47,380 --> 00:17:48,430
Kitchen.
348
00:18:02,301 --> 00:18:09,549
Of course I'm late. I had the misfortune
of meeting this pillock as I came out
349
00:18:09,550 --> 00:18:10,710
the office. Hi. Hiya.
350
00:18:11,030 --> 00:18:12,470
Can I give you a lift, he says?
351
00:18:12,471 --> 00:18:14,949
Oh, that would be kind of you, Malk. I
was just passing.
352
00:18:14,950 --> 00:18:16,000
Oh, yeah, great.
353
00:18:16,050 --> 00:18:19,870
What he didn't mention was that it was a
15 -minute walk to the multi -storey.
354
00:18:19,871 --> 00:18:23,629
And do you know which level he'd parked
that Victorian boat shaker of his on?
355
00:18:23,630 --> 00:18:25,490
No. No, nor did he.
356
00:18:26,410 --> 00:18:31,270
We had to get out the lift on every
stupid floor to look for it.
357
00:18:31,790 --> 00:18:32,840
Then he remembers.
358
00:18:33,450 --> 00:18:35,130
We were in the wrong multi -storey.
359
00:18:36,370 --> 00:18:38,730
We were in the wrong multi -storey.
360
00:18:38,731 --> 00:18:42,209
So then it's another half -mile walk,
and then which level is it on?
361
00:18:42,210 --> 00:18:46,250
Top. It usually goes to the top. You
like whizzing down the ramps, don't you,
362
00:18:46,290 --> 00:18:49,370
Mum? It's the only time he gets up a
decent speed. Not this time.
363
00:18:50,070 --> 00:18:51,530
It was rush hour, wasn't it?
364
00:18:51,930 --> 00:18:55,120
20 minutes it took us to get out, and
the fumes, God, it was awful.
365
00:18:55,130 --> 00:18:59,850
And that sidecar gets all deemed up. Oh,
poor you, I can just imagine it.
366
00:19:01,040 --> 00:19:02,840
Muffin -ready turkey in a microwave.
367
00:19:03,200 --> 00:19:04,250
Thank you.
368
00:19:04,251 --> 00:19:07,139
And I'm sure we went round some of them
floors twice.
369
00:19:07,140 --> 00:19:08,190
Could be.
370
00:19:08,191 --> 00:19:10,919
Navigation isn't exactly a strong point,
is it, Mark?
371
00:19:10,920 --> 00:19:12,799
I'm all right once I've got the map the
right way up.
372
00:19:12,800 --> 00:19:15,159
Oh, God, that was another thing
embarrassing it was.
373
00:19:15,160 --> 00:19:18,460
The line of traffic beeping away while
he looks at his stupid map.
374
00:19:18,820 --> 00:19:20,810
I was always keen to find a new
shortcut.
375
00:19:21,100 --> 00:19:22,150
In a car park.
376
00:19:22,151 --> 00:19:27,159
Then it's off on a magical mystery tour
out through the festival site and
377
00:19:27,160 --> 00:19:28,660
halfway to the bloody airport.
378
00:19:28,980 --> 00:19:30,920
The lovely one alongside the river.
379
00:19:31,180 --> 00:19:32,320
You don't mind, do you?
380
00:19:32,780 --> 00:19:35,430
I could have been home an hour ago if it
wasn't for you.
381
00:19:35,431 --> 00:19:36,199
Oh, that's OK.
382
00:19:36,200 --> 00:19:38,200
Oh, I must have smelt that sidecar.
383
00:19:38,480 --> 00:19:40,340
Dead gerbils, isn't it?
384
00:19:40,341 --> 00:19:42,619
I'm taking a note. She's always saying
that.
385
00:19:42,620 --> 00:19:45,639
Look, Pamela, why don't you go and
freshen up? I'll have your tea out in
386
00:19:45,640 --> 00:19:47,499
minutes and then we can go off to the
grapes.
387
00:19:47,500 --> 00:19:50,270
And he'll buy you a compensating pint of
gin and orange.
388
00:19:50,800 --> 00:19:51,850
Oh, who?
389
00:19:53,841 --> 00:19:55,749
Well done.
390
00:19:55,750 --> 00:19:56,950
Guess I'm just a natural.
391
00:19:59,710 --> 00:20:01,450
She seemed a bit hostile.
392
00:20:02,210 --> 00:20:04,620
Well, not another bit of debauchery
won't cure.
393
00:20:11,090 --> 00:20:12,140
Great.
394
00:20:15,250 --> 00:20:16,300
OK, now, quiet.
395
00:20:17,130 --> 00:20:18,610
Is everybody right? Yeah.
396
00:21:02,350 --> 00:21:03,550
Did you try the parsnip?
397
00:21:03,670 --> 00:21:06,020
No, a whole pint of the turnip was
enough for me.
398
00:21:06,021 --> 00:21:08,949
The rest of them are putting it away
happily enough.
399
00:21:08,950 --> 00:21:09,649
That lot?
400
00:21:09,650 --> 00:21:12,529
They drink liquid age, actually,
provided someone else was buying.
401
00:21:12,530 --> 00:21:13,349
What are you having?
402
00:21:13,350 --> 00:21:14,400
Vodka and lime.
403
00:21:14,401 --> 00:21:17,289
Vodka and lime and half a lager, please,
Art. All right, sir.
404
00:21:17,290 --> 00:21:18,670
So, how was Pamela, really?
405
00:21:18,830 --> 00:21:22,490
Well, you saw her. She put a brave face
on things, instead of the white one.
406
00:21:22,491 --> 00:21:26,989
I should think by now, Cluffy will be
consoling her in the broom cupboard.
407
00:21:26,990 --> 00:21:28,210
What about 35, please?
408
00:21:31,920 --> 00:21:33,000
Food didn't last long.
409
00:21:33,320 --> 00:21:36,930
Well, as soon as someone mentions
parties, that'll have to stop eating.
410
00:21:36,931 --> 00:21:40,659
You know the tall girl, Glenda? She
nearly starved to death once when she
411
00:21:40,660 --> 00:21:41,980
three weeks' notice of a do.
412
00:21:41,981 --> 00:21:47,519
Cluffy bought plenty of booze, didn't
he? Yeah, all homemade.
413
00:21:47,520 --> 00:21:50,719
Actually, he stashed them away in the
understairs cupboard to mature.
414
00:21:50,720 --> 00:21:51,770
For future visits?
415
00:21:51,771 --> 00:21:55,639
Yeah. The locusts will probably find it
about half nine, so hope it's matured by
416
00:21:55,640 --> 00:21:56,690
then.
417
00:21:57,340 --> 00:21:58,700
Oh, I'm glad to be out of it.
418
00:22:02,570 --> 00:22:03,650
Have you ever smoked?
419
00:22:03,850 --> 00:22:05,170
Yeah, every two.
420
00:22:05,790 --> 00:22:07,110
But I gave it up when I was 12.
421
00:22:28,610 --> 00:22:31,750
I don't suppose you've ever smoked, have
you, Mel?
422
00:22:32,010 --> 00:22:33,290
No, never. I've no vices.
423
00:22:33,490 --> 00:22:34,750
Well, there's still time.
424
00:22:36,370 --> 00:22:37,630
So what are we going to do?
425
00:22:38,110 --> 00:22:40,890
What about a bit of people watching?
426
00:22:41,210 --> 00:22:43,200
That's not a vice. It's not even
naughty.
427
00:22:43,530 --> 00:22:44,870
I'm not so tired this time.
428
00:22:44,871 --> 00:22:46,169
I see.
429
00:22:46,170 --> 00:22:48,689
And you think you can compete in the big
league, do you?
430
00:22:48,690 --> 00:22:49,729
Yeah, I reckon.
431
00:22:49,730 --> 00:22:51,410
What about that fella over there?
432
00:22:51,690 --> 00:22:52,740
Oh, nearly.
433
00:22:53,610 --> 00:22:54,970
OK, then. Who's first?
434
00:22:55,850 --> 00:22:57,550
I will, if you like. Let's see.
435
00:22:57,950 --> 00:22:59,000
Bit out of practice.
436
00:22:59,510 --> 00:23:01,110
I'd say Hungarian.
437
00:23:01,111 --> 00:23:05,069
Yeah. No, better still, Canadian, yeah.
French -Canadian lumberjack with a
438
00:23:05,070 --> 00:23:05,649
wooden leg.
439
00:23:05,650 --> 00:23:06,689
Very good.
440
00:23:06,690 --> 00:23:10,049
Arby's are balancing everyday objects on
his nose whilst playing the organ.
441
00:23:10,050 --> 00:23:13,660
I like it. He's certainly getting the
hang of things now, Mo. Easy, really.
442
00:23:17,950 --> 00:23:20,130
Saw him come in, did you? No, honest.
443
00:23:21,090 --> 00:23:23,070
Sorry, Mace, don't change dollars here.
444
00:23:23,570 --> 00:23:24,620
What is this?
445
00:23:32,810 --> 00:23:34,310
We haven't got a music license.
446
00:23:35,410 --> 00:23:36,460
Who's the L .A., sir?
447
00:23:36,690 --> 00:23:40,269
Like I said, a French -Canadian
lumberjack with a wooden leg who
448
00:23:40,270 --> 00:23:42,649
everyday objects on his nose whilst
playing the organ.
449
00:23:42,650 --> 00:23:45,670
Hello. Any pair of funny I wish to buy
from Firewood?
450
00:23:47,570 --> 00:23:48,620
Well,
451
00:23:48,621 --> 00:23:51,109
you've got to come second sometimes,
Brenda.
452
00:23:51,110 --> 00:23:52,159
You're around, I think.
453
00:23:52,160 --> 00:23:56,710
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