Original subtitles

You gave so much in life.

I hope your soul's rest is perfect and peaceful.

Because your body's in for a long ride.

If the coffins are rocking, don't come a -knocking.

Wait a second.

Why is there no casket?

Because there was nothing left of his father to bury.

Join us, brother.

You'll be happy here.

I think I like it already.

Hi, Pop.

has this gigantic insider guard in the toe holes when all of a sudden I hear

this loud the guard is dead as hell and his eyeballs are just dangling out of

their sockets. It's always like guess this guy's a sailor man because I just

made him pop out.

That's fucking crazy.

She has so many stories like that and she tells them way better than me. You

would know that.

If you stopped avoiding her. I'm not avoiding her. I'm just not going out of

way to interact with her. There's a difference.

All right? If we're being honest, she's just not my cup of tea. You don't even

know her.

If my brother was in the car behind us, I sure as hell wouldn't be riding with

your dumbass.

Family isn't just being related, okay?

If I was a beaver, I wouldn't spend all my time hanging out with other big -ass

rodents. If a gator was cool and the vibe was right, I'd kick it with him.

It's not again.

What?

Well, let's check it at the next stop.

No, pull over now. If something's wrong, you should address it right away.

Pull over right here.

Go talk to your sister, asshole.

You piss her off?

Get in. You, out.

Someone need a ride? I told you we're done and I meant it.

You know what I like about the Jeremy Express?

It's all caboose.

I love what you've done with the interior.

It really shows pride of ownership.

Let me break.

So, what was it like being back at our old house?

Like prison, just with a lot of pizza. Come on. Nothing in there caught your

interest?

The babysitter's club.

Oh, shit. I used to love those books.

What? Yeah.

Yeah.

I have such a crush on Logan. Okay, so I gotta know. How did Abby join the BSC

in book 89?

Abby?

Abby, Abby.

Abby, I... I don't remember.

Well, excuse me for not remembering a book, mister. I bonked my head and

literally can't remember anything.

Well, it's not like I'm trying not to remember.

I'm Zion. Should we make camp?

Yeah, we'll head for Diesel City at first light.

Why don't you go set up by the water tower up ahead?

John and I are going to take a little detour.

Detour? I don't want to take a detour. Shut up, you do. We're going.

Copy that. Have fun, John.

Copy that. Ashley and I will be scouting for food and supplies.

Over.

Who knows?

Maybe I'll get lucky.

Buy me a muffin.

I told you the bakery's closed.

Checking for bakery hours.

Finally. Ready to fucking rock.

Here we go.

hell are you doing here covering my ears mostly that's john cd what are you

doing in my trunk you stood up for me back there you

you saved me quiet

all right i laid it on a little thick at the end

there fine look i want to enter the tournament

It's not funny.

Oh, it is the way I'm picturing it. You'll be dead two minutes in, all

out, eyes crossed, tongue hanging out. That will not be me, okay? You're

at the best driver on the West Coast.

No, I'm not.

Yes, you are.

Think so.

Know so.

Proven.

goddamn clue what you're doing. I am just getting my bearings.

You know, my ex -husband's car was European. It was a lot cooler than this.

right, just put it in gear.

Oh, my God!

Stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop. Oh, my God.

Why did you throw it in reverse?

D is for drive, dumbass. What? No, I put it in drive. D, drive.

That's an R.

Do you not know how to read either? No, of course. i can read you're looking at

the best reader on the west coast okay that's it get out we're done

She'll teach me. Is that what you think is going to happen?

She gave zero bucks.

I sort of gave one teeny buck, but... Man, I guess I was wrong.

Millennium Drive.

Headlights, camera, action.

I don't even want to know what kind of action got blood all the way up there.

Where are you going?

We stopped here one year on a family road trip.

Your little mind was blown by watching a movie in a car. You were so obsessed

you made dad take us here every summer. Come on.

You're insane you think I'm going in there. This shit looks haunted.

You're still afraid of ghosts?

Wow.

Amnesia really is a bitch. You forget your whole life but still remember to be

pussy.

I'll show you a pussy!

Hold up, wait!

L and K was here.

This is our spot.

Come on, get in.

My God, would you chill?

There's nobody here but us.

I know that.

Get in the car.

I would try and get the projector working, but I'm not going in that

It's okay. We're not here for that anyway.

I was hoping we could shake the memories loose.

Maybe this will help?

So whenever there was a car chase scene, Dad would let you climb over into the

driver's seat and pretend like you were in the movie.

And you... Would go crazy.

Just pulling at the steering wheel and yelling all your little quips.

Drive steering?

Mm -hmm. You mean to tell me they would let me torque at the tie rods like that?

Not to mention scuff the tires.

So our parents really treated their vehicles like that? Ooh, cool your jets

there, Martin Luther Keyes.

You were little. You couldn't do any real damage.

We did do a number on the upholstery, though.

Every time Mom and Dad would go to the snack shack, we would climb through the

sunroof. And scuff up the backseat. Because that would piss them off.

What are you staring at me for?

The family whistle.

It was Dad's way of telling us to sit our asses down.

I swear you could hear it from miles away.

Right. It's like when Abby's dad taught her how to whistle through an acorn cap.

Would you shut up about the stupid fucking book?

Look at me.

Are you even trying to remember?

No, I'm not.

You want to know what it was like for me being in that house? All the pictures,

all the stuff in my room, all the things I'm supposed to remember, but I don't.

And then realizing, if I did get my memory back, I'd just be weighed down by

everything that I lost.

My parents, my sister, myself.

I'd rather just be me, be John.

But you're Lionel. Lionel's dead!

What the hell right now? I don't know. But whatever it is, he's not wearing a

shirt and he's fucking dead.

A perfectly formed pectoral is a basically bulldog.

Watch this.

I'm so sorry. You shot me. What the fuck?

I'll lay down a suppressive fire and you run.

God damn it.

It's barely noticeable Okay,

do I come from the top of the bottom

Okay. Hold on to this. Okay, okay, okay. Make yourself useful. Okay.

God.

Oh, that's so aggressive.

Before you even start the car, do your checks. Gassed up, guns loaded, mirrors

clear of vultures, hands on the wheel at ten and two.

No way. I want to look cool when I cross the finish line.

Okay, yeah, first lesson.

You got outruns of vultures. Think back.

Try to 180 out of here and the vultures caught you. You're dead.

Again.

Wrong.

Nope.

Dead, dead, dead.

Let them shoot.

Holy men dead ahead.

You were supposed to drive through the barrels. Guess what? You died again.

God damn it.

Time for your final exam.

Drive. What are you doing?

There's a killer clown with flaming hair right behind us. What's the move? You

didn't even give me a chance. I don't obey.

Think fast.

Are you giving up?

I knew it. I knew you weren't cut out for this. Fuck you.

you gave yourself using that dirty -ass needle.

No.

I don't need medical advice, Dr. Piss. We just need to figure out how we're

getting past those soundwave thingies without sexy car man knowing that we're

here. Well, if we're gonna make it out of here, we're gonna need a better

vantage point.

I'm gonna climb to the top of the projection screen. No, you're not!

We're going to the concession stand.

Whatever's powering those soundwave thingies is for sure coming from there.

Wait.

Wait, I'm remembering something.

Really? Yeah. What?

I remember telling you it was a fucking bad idea to come in here. Shh.

Do you hear that?

It's the sound of a scared little bitch.

Oh, wait, that's you.

Did you see those metal hands?

This motherfucker's full of surprises.

I wonder how he, uh, you know, starts his own engine.

Four arms on that guy.

One wrong move, he'll rip this shit off, poor son of a bitch.

Okay, so what's the plan?

Oh, yeah, let's shoot our way out of here, because that worked so well the

time. It worked well for me. I look fucking great.

Ashley!

Oh, it's proofing.

Oh, it's proofing.

Come

on,

May. You can't stay back there forever.

Fine.

You're not gonna come out and I'm gonna eat. I am starving.

Mmm.

Mmm. Oh, my gosh.

Oh, this is so good.

Mmm. I have so much of it.

What is it?

Rattlesnake. You can make snake jerky?

Yeah. It's not that hard.

My brother taught me how.

Killing the fuckers was a pain in the ass, but then he taught them and...

Put him in a salt bath and hang him out to dry.

It has to be strong sunlight, though.

I learned that the hard way.

What happened?

What do you think?

I ate it raw and puked so hard I shit myself.

Yeah, a little lot of shit, too.

Like, everywhere.

Why stop?

My brother wouldn't stop laughing at Jagoff.

Hmm. Guess being a Jagoff runs in the family.

Yeah.

He wasn't a great teacher, but he helped me survive.

And eventually I figured it out on my own.

Listen, why do you want to enter this tournament so badly?

You do know it's to the death, right? Yeah, so?

I'm not afraid of dying.

And if I win, I could wish for a better life.

Let's try again.

Okay.

How's this guy even alive?

They'll clean it in your car.

Smells better, too.

You should have been cut the power.

Excellent.

What kind of sick fuck would do this?

a t -shirt if I were you.

Put it on the counter.

Well, I'm impressed you got past my guard dog.

Not many do.

We're just trying to get out of here, man. Oh, please.

You're like everyone else. Come sniffing around here trying to steal my life's

work.

You're jealous.

Oh, why would we be jealous of you? You're making car people.

There's another simplification.

I evolved that broken killer into something more.

If the only way to survive outside is to be in a car, then...

What if you could be the car?

But it's still not right.

There's still too much human in you.

Oh, but I could get it right with one of you.

So what, you just made cars out of black people?

What? No.

It's not racially motivated.

Is that what's coming off? Yeah. I mean, you look at him, you look at us.

Let me just say, I've always believed science is colorblind.

Oh, God.

What's going on with him?

He's not sick, is he?

To be honest, I have no idea what he's doing.

Family? What's he have a family with?

Some

of my

best friends are black.

Thanks, McBride.

Now if we can just get that tiny little butthole of a mouth to whistle.

If my mouth is a butthole, so is yours. That's how genes work.

Now go cut the power so we can bail.

We just killed this little racist nerd.

I hope we can go our separate ways peacefully.

What?

We've had our differences.

Dude, you gotta use your big boy voice.

We cut the power, you're free to go.

Oh, good looking out.

I hated that motherfucker.

Me?

Driving is about making a decision and making it happen.

You second -guess yourself, you crash and burn.

All right, gas up, guns loaded, mirrors clear of... Jeremy?

What is he doing?

I was thinking maybe I'd take quiet up to Grandpop's cabin.

Oh, cabin.

Now that brings back some memories.

Wait, how are you going to remember Grandpop's cabin and not Grandpop?

I might have found a way there.

Hey, I drew that.

Yeah?

Didn't you read my diary?

What? No, I wouldn't.

Okay, just a little bit. Look, I got tired of hearing about horses and how

Brian Carroll was.

Oh, funny and fine.

No third grader could resist this charm.

Look who decided to show up.

Why is the kid driving?

Why is your face all fucked up? We just had a run -in with a grim douchebag and

a naked man on wheels.

Ashley. Ashley and Jeremy are dead.

They're real fucking dead.

And we're going to be next if we don't get the fuck out of here.

Shit, okay. We should load up. I'll ride with you.

Okay.

So that detour worked, huh?

It did. Thank you for making that happen.

You're high, aren't you?

Indubitably.

Ash and Jeremy weren't the best soldiers, but their hearts were

cause.

May their souls bang for eternity.

Why didn't she bury the mask?

The mission lives on.

It'll go to the next doll worthy of wearing it. Well, you know, when you go

down, I'll keep your mask alive.

Oh, that's so nice.

Knowing you're driving, it'll probably be you that kills me.

Diesel City.

Where the biggest, scariest, loudest special weapons are made and sold.

That's cool, but we don't have any money.

We don't need money.

Because we're going to steal them.

To my content.

What are you up to, you long -haired cunt?

We will compete in multiple rounds, each unique and more deadly than the last.

Where in the fuck do you think you're going?

If you survive, you advance.

There's a lot of Stone Cold killers here.

High three twos.

Grim! How the hell did you get out? I got a special invitation.

The last driver behind the wheel gets their wish granted.

We've taken them all down.

Pass it up! Pass it up! Pass it up! Pass it up!

I'm worried that it'll take too long. You make a run at me, I will end you.

Coroner gonna list your cause of death as everything.

The time for the tournament begins now!

You think we'll win?

Welcome to Twisted Metal.