Original subtitles

Officer, I don't care if it's been less than 24 hours. My niece, Nia, is

missing. I'll go marry him. One second, Nia.

She's 5 '1", 16 years old. She's wearing blue jeans and a white blouse.

Never mind.

Nia!

What took you so long?

Well, I sold my plane ticket and took the bus.

What did you do with the extra money?

I got you a gift.

How sweet.

Look at that.

Earrings.

I don't wear earrings.

Really? Well, I guess I'll have to keep them.

Same old Nia, always looking for the quick buck.

Quick? That was a 17 -hour ride sitting next to a guy who smelled like a goat.

I won't even tell you what his goat smelled like.

Thank you.

Now, I promised your mother I would take you in this summer and turn you into a

proper young lady.

You know that was Aunt Lily's job last year. After one week with me, she

her name and moved to Alaska.

Anyway, I told your mother what you need is a job.

Now, Millicent will show you what to do.

Hey, Millicent, we'll take a chocolate crispy bar.

It's my money. We'll take some twisty corn pops.

Crispy bar. Twisty pops. Crispy bar. Twisty pops. Crispy bar. Twisty pops.

you people that i wake up in the middle of the night screaming i kind of did

that before but it's gotten worse since i started working here see this and

like it wow millicent i've never seen you stand up for yourself like this

At least it's better than your bath time poem.

In this tub are you and me. So listen, bug, please don't... Splash.

Wow, you guys are doing a great job.

What am I paying you?

Minimum wage.

Works for me?

Hello, Wormser.

What do you want, Pitts?

Well, I thought I'd come check out the competition, but clearly...

no competition.

Oh, please.

Why would anyone in their right mind want to go to the Betsy Ross stop and

It's shop.

Oh, I've seen your produce.

It's slop.

Why, you... Guys, guys.

Easy.

Yeah. We don't really shop in here.

I bet she was 16 when you started ringing her up.

Hey, I happen to have two of the fastest baggers in Boston.

Gunter can outbag these losers any day.

baggers have to stand outside our store all day dressed as Paul Revere's horse.

Yeah, but if you lose, you have to stand out in front of my store wearing Betsy

Ross dresses.

No problem. My guys can't lose.

That doesn't count.

Minty Candy Girl.

Excuse me, but I don't like to read.

Did you miss your mouth again?

No, that's not the problem. The problem is her. I want her fired.

He ain't gonna fire me. I'm his favorite niece.

Ain't that right, Uncle Marion?

Well, you are my only niece.

Ergo, my favorite.

Wait, wait a minute. Who's your favorite? Her or this ergo person?

I just heard the ergo out of her head.

That's London tiptoe.

whose father signs both of our paychecks?

Girl, did I tell you you look fabulous in that dress?

Really? You think?

Yeah. Do you model?

I like her.

Why would you want to fire her, Mothi? Yeah, Mothi.

I mean, Uncle Marion.

By the way, is it true that you own a private jet?

Jets. Oh, even better. You take one, I take one, and we race to Paris.

London is my responsibility, and I don't want you taking advantage of her.

I resent that.

I like London for who she is, a sweet, friendly girl whose yacht is so big she

got her own drive -thru restaurant.

Hold up there, girl.

Say, why don't we go fly to London?

Your shift was over hours ago.

Well, hello, Ms. Martin.

May I offer you my heart of palm?

Get it? Part of palm?

It's right in the can. Yeah, I think I'm going to already choke.

I see you're also a fan of produce humor.

Yeah, we're two peas in a pod.

Okay, boys, let's go.

practice if we're going to outbag the Betsy Ross stop and shop.

No, I've been there. You got no chance.

Sorry, but that Gunter kid finished bagging my groceries before I even got

wallet out.

Well, a little more training and these yahoos will kick the Betsy Ross butt!

Okay.

I still don't understand.

If I'm taking your shift...

Hello? It's my shift.

Oh, right. Thanks for explaining.

Ready to go to the concert, Mia?

It's Mia.

I got the ia part right.

Yes, Maria.

And more importantly, you got us front row seats to see Toxic Bombing.

I like Tia better. Can you change it? Are we going to your limo?

Call me Tia.

Come on. We're late for the Tux and Vomit concert.

Oh, no. You can't go see them. Their last concert ended in a riot.

Not a big one.

No.

But... But... And that is the last... I have on the subject.

Oh, well. Say, do you want to go up to my suite and count my purses?

Yeah, as much fun as that sounds.

going to that concert.

Well, you heard Mosby. He said... Well,

here's what I say.

You can't... Mosby?

Yes, I can, and so can you.

He is not the boss of you.

You're the boss of him.

You're right.

I'm London Tipton, and I can do whatever I want, whenever I want.

Let's sneak out the back. Okay.

Oh! Griffin Rath stayed at the concert. This is Steve and Jackie.

Welcome to the Tipton, Steve and Jackie.

Rest of y 'all.

We're having a little party in my suite, so send up enough hors d 'oeuvres

for... Uh, 50.

Okay, I know I'm not...

Don't strain yourself.

I might have invited a few more people.

You know, Mr. Mosby, though much shorter than I am, who strikes fear into my

very core, doesn't allow you to have big parties this late.

Look.

Is the name on the hotel the Mosby?

Or the Tipton?

I don't know. I'm still dizzy from the math I just did.

Okay, we're going to the pit house, y 'all.

This way, busy.

Hey, pipe down!

Mom, you're screaming. Woke us up.

But the music didn't.

Yeah, we used to fall asleep with toxic vomit.

Look, I know my cooking's not that good. Mom.

I can't get through to the front desk.

I'll be right back.

Isn't that inconsiderate? Yeah, it sure is. They didn't invite me.

You can't go.

We need our sleep.

We're finely tuned athletes in training.

We put cans...

No, no, I want to know what's going on. Oh, well, nothing much.

Just taking a couple night courses, animal husbandry etiquette. I'm not

the noise!

You lied to me.

Call Mosby.

Mr.

Mosby, I'm sorry to call you at home, but...

Mosby said he'd be here as soon as possible. Oh, but that could take... I'm

here! ...seconds.

Sorry it took me so long. Traffic.

I'm so sorry. Oh, I am very, very sorry.

I have everything under control. Yeah, Mr.

Mosby, you might want to... Oh, yes, we're wearing our new night manager

uniform. But I'll take it off. Please, relax.

And stay calm.

Wonderful.

Mr.

Malkby, don't you have an access card that opens every door in this hotel?

Oh, yes, but I'm afraid I left it at home. Oh, here you sex.

Now give me that look. I confiscated it from him. Yes, your mother of the year.

and you're letting him down.

Uh -huh.

Uh -huh.

Uh -oh.

Uh -oh.

Don't touch me. Don't touch me. Don't touch me. Don't touch me. Don't touch

Cody,

you said you guys were in training.

Well, I just came up here to get Zach, but then I met Sheena, and she awakened

the sleeping man that lies within me.

You two, back to the suite now.

you can either exit out the door or follow the furniture out the window.

Not you two.

I expressly told you not to go to that concert.

We didn't go to any concert.

Then where'd you get those T -shirts? The concert.

Why don't you let me do the talking?

First you disobey me, then you destroy my hotel?

We didn't destroy the hotel.

There's a futon in my ficus.

I would have a doctor look at that.

That's it.

You two are grounded for a month.

Could it be last month? I'm busy this month.

Yes, Leah.

It's Nia.

Whatever. Nia, Tia, Leah, Gia. This whole thing was all of your fault.

It was you guys who wanted to go to the concert.

Okay, are you going to believe me or the girl here who thinks I'm a soccer team?

Well, your track record does speak for itself.

Oh, you run track?

I tried that once, but then they put little fences in front of me and I kept

tripping. Plus, the other girls wouldn't wait for me.

You still expect me to believe London was the mastermind behind all of this?

Yeah, that was a tough sell.

Okay, I'll go pack my bags and you can ship me off to some other relative.

No, no, no.

You are not getting off that easy.

You're staying here.

I promised your mother that I would turn you into a responsible young adult.

Though I bitterly regret it.

A promise is a promise.

Wow.

No one has ever taken that much interest in me, Uncle Marion.

Thank you.

You know what?

Let's just start over. A clean slate. Like tonight never even happened.

Deal. Does that mean we're not grounded?

Oh, right.

Oh, you're sneaky.

Didn't that tell you let me do all the talking?

But, I mean... Wow, you are Mosby's niece.

dress in your future. What size petticoat do you wear?

It ain't over till the fat lady sings.

Oh, sorry.

I didn't mean to bring your mother into this.

What's wrong with you?

Sorry, I'm just a little tired.

Well, you better wake up, pal, because I do not look good in women's clothes.

Just for the record, you don't look so hot in men's clothes either.

fit into one bag, that bag must be carried through the course to the car

breaking the bag or anything inside of it.

On your marks.

from looking at Wayne.

Look, guys, I want to apologize. I mean, this is all my fault.

My bragging got us into this stupid contest, and then I didn't take this

contest seriously, and I let you guys down.

Mom, I think you should take me home.