Original subtitles

Chef paolo, after you.

Might as well get your cholesterol checked before me.

Thank you, mr. Moseby. That's very nice of you.

Oh, ladies first. Go ahead.

Madeline.

Ah, is the big man scared of a little needle?

Oh...

No, I'm just being considerate.

So am I. After you.

I insist.

I decline.

Oh...

What's going on?

Cholesterol test.

Probably the only test zack could pass.

Would you boys like to go in front of me?

Mr. Moseby's afraid.

Oh, pish posh.

I laugh at that needle.

Ha!

Well, here's your chance. It's right there.

♪ here I am in your life ♪

♪ here you are in mine ♪

♪ yes, we have a suite life ♪

♪ost of the time ♪

A m♪ so come on down ♪ we got the worldse

♪ this is the suite life ♪

♪ we've got a suite life ♪

Hey, maddie. What are you doing?

Actually-- don't care.

I'm hosting a junior fashion show at the tipton.

Do go along with health and fitness week.

We're raising money to get kids free infections.

You mean free injections?

Details.

I'm gonna look great.

You wanna be in it, too?

I'd love to.

Ok, come by the ballroom later,

And pick out the outfits you want to wear.

Get there early

Because francesca grumman will be there.

I thought you couldn't stand her.

I can't. She is a horrible person.

She's nasty, catty, and rude.

Well, then why did you invite her?

Because she's one of my best friends.

[swallows] ah...

You know, this health questionnaire is really interesting.

I'd like to show you,

But you might eat it.

Not unless it's made of chocolate.

Zack, do you realize that kids who eat too much sugar

Increase their risk of getting diabetes?

So we'll compromise.

I won't put sugar on my cake anymore.

This is serious, young man.

We're changing your diet.

What are you, my mother?

Starting today, no more sugar.

Instead, you'll be having 6 servings of fruit,

6 servings of vegetables, 3 servings of dairy,

And 2 servings of meat, fish, or poultry,

Oh, that sounds expensive. I better go cut some coupons.

This is all your fault.

They better make chocolate-covered fish and vegetables.

Mom's right, zack.

The eating habits we develop at our age

Are the ones that will carry us through life.

I'm pretty sure you're not my mom.

Look, I eat a lot of chocolate.

What's the worst thing that can happen?

Oh...

Chef paolo, what's wrong?

It's my blood test.

It did not turn out so good.

Come on, chef. How bad can your blood be?

They found bacon bits.

Maybe you should change your eating habits.

According to this chart,

A man of your age should take in

About 2,200 calories a day.

I eat more than that before breakfast.

So stop eating breakfast.

I can't. I'm a chef.

Look at my hat.

I have to taste my food to make sure it turns out right.

Well, I'll taste your food for you.

Please.

You don't taste.

You inhale.

I'll do it.

Thank you, my little protegé.

It's so kind of you to help me on my diet.

We will start next week.

Why not now?

Because now, I'm hungry.

You smell chocolate?

No.

Maddie, I want you to meet francesca.

Oh, this is your poor friend.

[speaking slowly] it's so nice to meet you.

Ok, people, pick out two of your favorite outfits.

What do you think of this one?

Oh, it's hideous.

I think it's gorgeous.

Thank you, but we really don't need an opinion from the help.

I'm not help.

You're telling me?

I ordered a mocha frappe 10 minutes ago.

And nothing.

Oh, I'll give you a frappe.

Look frappechesca,

Remember what we said before you came here?

We can only criticize people that we pay.

Fine. Your butt is huge.

And you have chicken legs.

That's the best 50 bucks I ever spent.

Ok, I never thought I'd say this,

But she makes you look sweet.

Why do you think I hang out with her?

You don't think I'm too skinny, do you?

No.

My butt's not too big, is it?

Absolutely not.

I think I'm gonna go for a little 10-mile jog.

I think I'm going to get

A double double cheeseburger.

With fries.

And a shake.

Uh...

Very good.

You're sure there's enough butter?

Enough cream?

I love cream.

Snap out of it, big guy.

I do think it could use a little more parmesan.

You go get it.

I don't trust myself alone with the cheese.

What happened to the soup?

I reduced it?

We're trying to reduce you.

I am sorry.

Oh, by the way, you were right.

It did need more parmesan.

Chef, drop it.

Drop it.

Look, I know it's hard to quit cold turkey.

Cold turkey.

With hot gravy.

Oh, mama mia.

All I've had so far today is a baby carrot

And 6 glasses of water.

I need food. Now!

I just made a cheesecake.

Don't you know I'm dieting?

I need to look perfect for my fashion show.

Now feed me something yummy that makes me shrink.

Oh, the eternal quest.

The double fried chicken ala paolo was great.

So am I starting to get that full figured look?

Your right hip looks a little bigger.

Ooh! Oh, wait. That's my bus pass.

Well, I guess I better have some dessert.

What you got?

Chocolate chip cheesecake with fudge sauce ala paolo.

Cody, doesn't this look great?

Ah!

Here.

Mmm. Thanks.

You two should be ashamed of yourselves.

Cody's right.

London: Yeah.

There's still some chocolate left on his face.

Let's lick it off. Yes!

Dibs on the forehead.

Back off. Back!

I'm telling you, I'm not afraid to use this thing.

Madeline, it's awfully late.

What are you still doing here?

The fashion show's tomorrow,

On dress more, with

And she needs to fill out her dress less.

That's right. Less talking more chewing.

Rats!

Ok, this is ridiculous.

Madeline, put down the food.

London, you need to stop right now.

Oh, give, give, give...

Stop, stop, stop.

Give me that back!

Look, girls, this is ridiculous.

Now, if you want one man's opinion,

I think you are both

Two very beautiful young women.

You really think so?

Absolutely.

And you don't need to change the way that you look.

Thanks, moseby.

You're the best.

Good night. Good night.

Good night.

He's gone.

I'm very proud of you, chef paolo.

You made it through your first day

Without cheating on your diet.

Thanks to you.

And it was much easier than I though.

Well, gotta go.

What's that?

I have no idea how that chub of salami got there.

I swear.

Let me get that.

Who put that cheese in my hat?

What, no dessert?

Whatever you do, don't pat me on the butt.

I don't understand, chef paolo.

You were doing so well.

I'm weak.

I'm weak. And the worst part is,

I have a refrigerator at home with a giant ham inside.

All night, she will be calling me.

Paolo. Paolo, come to me.

You know you want me.

You know what?

I have a way to shut that ham up.

Oh, great.

But what will you do about the pot roast?

Cake is dessert.

Ice cream is dessert.

Fruit salad is not dessert.

It's not even salad.

What the heck is it?

I don't know why you're making

Such a big deal out of this.

Lots of kids love eating fruits and vegetables.

Why can't you be more like them?

I thought you didn't want me

To give in to peer pressure.

Honey, you have a problem.

I do not.

I found licorice in your underwear drawer.

Mom, can I have a friend sleep over?

Sure, honey. Which one of your little friends is it?

Hi, chef.

Hello.

Um, would you mind waiting there for just one moment.

Family conference.

Not at all.

Ok.

What were you thinking?

I was thinking that a friend needed my help,

And that you always taught me

To go out of my way for people.

That's a good answer.

It's just for one night.

If we can show chef paolo

That he can get through one night

Without breaking his diet,

He'll see that he can do it on his own.

Honey, I am so proud of you

For wanting to help a friend.

But I think you're blowing this

A little out of proportion.

I'm sure chef paolo has some self control.

Or some leftover shrimp hanging out of his mouth.

7 cannelloni, 8 cannelloni.

9 cannelloni, 10 can-

I can't sleep!

"chef paolo, here's your midnight snack.

"one chocolate chip.

"remember, you can enjoy things in moderation.

Your little protegé, cody."

I save the rest for later.

It's later.

[footsteps approaching]

Mmm. Right page.

You wanna share?

Aah!

I looked everywhere for a piece of candy.

Where did you hide that?

In one of my mom's cookbooks.

She'd never look there.

Please, can I have one,

Teensy weensy little bite?

Ok. Here.

That was the biggest teensy weensy bite I ever saw.

Let me make it up to you.

There's a 10-pound block of chocolate

In the kitchen downstairs.

Then what the heck are we doing up here?

Come on, we can get into the kitchen

Through the air vents.

Maybe you can.

Why don't we just go in through the front door?

Ok. You want to take the easy way.

Just don't tell anyone.

'cause I have a reputation, you know.

Hey, zack. You ever dip chocolate in gravy?

No.

Well, you're not gonna be able to say that anymore.

Oh, cool.

Mmm. Mmm.

Mmm, you know, the fat from the chocolate

Really compliments the fat from the gravy.

You got some good palate.

Oh-ho.

Uh, london,

I guess you're wondering

What we're doing down here.

No. Don't care. Have you seen maddie?

I'm right here.

Do I look shapely now?

I don't know. Stand up.

Hey!

What?

You don't share? Come here!

Aha!

Zack! Girls: See ya.

What are you doing with ice cream all over your face?

I...Threw myself into the vat.

To prevent chef paolo from eating it.

It was quite heroic actually.

Do you still think you don't have a problem?

I'd like to point out that I'm not the one

Wearing the ice cream helmet.

True.

But you are the one

Who was licking ice cream off the floor.

Ok, maybe I do have a small problem with sugar.

And maybe I didn't help you out too much

By making you quit cold turkey.

Oh...

Sorry.

Honey, the last thing I wanted

Was for you to feel like you had to hide sweets

And then pig out.

Yeah, that's not really working for me.

So what do you say we work together

On eating healthier foods

And then enjoying sweets in moderation?

Good plan.

Ok.

By the way,

I hid some caramel clusters in your sewing kit.

That would explain the sticky thimble.

Good night.

Not so fast...

Chef paolo.

I'm very disappointed in you.

You know, it's not so easy to stay on a diet.

Don't think of it as a diet.

Think of it as a lifestyle choice.

It's not my fault.

It's the gravy.

She calls to me like a siren song.

What food doesn't call you?

Brussels sprouts.

But if you smother it in four kinds of cheese

And then bake them in a lasagna--

That's it!

I was trying to help you because I care about you.

And that I want you to be around for a long time.

But if you want to eat yourself sick, go ahead.

Just don't ask me to watch.

Ok, it looks like we're almost good to go.

I'm not ready.

Could someone help me with my zipper.

No.

I'll help you, maddie.

Thanks.

It seems to be a bit tight.

Oh, good. It'll make me look more curvy,

[zipper rips]

Oh, unfortunately...

You didn't gain the curves in the right places.

Francesca.

Could you please stop insulting maddie.

Her life is pathetic enough without you.

Don't say I never defend you.

Can I say you never defend me well?

I'll go get something to cover that up.

I'm so hungry, I'm dizzy.

And I keep smelling hamburger.

That's me. I'm sweating beef juice.

I just want to get this thing over with.

What is wrong with you girls?

Just a couple of days ago

You were all excited and full of energy.

We still are!

Yeah. Let's go wow them.

I'm thinking thin.

And I'm thinking... Curvy.

And I'm thinking this can't go well.

[loud burp]

This is not what it looks like.

Yeah. It looks like you got a chest cold.

[screams]

Wait a minute.

Are you sure you can handle coming in here?

It's ok. Mom said it's all right

If I stand next to the icing and breathe deeply.

I just hope chef paolo isn't mad at me

For being so hard on him.

Cody, my little protegé.

I think he's gonna eat you.

You're just in time to try

My new delicious but healthy menu.

I call it

Delicious and healthy food ala...

Cody.

But you never name your dishes

After anyone except you.

That is because I've never been so inspired

By anyone before.

Don't tell my mama.

So you're finally going on your diet?

Ah-ah-ah. It's not a diet.

It's a lifestyle choice.

Here. Try it.

This is delicious. What is it?

Mixed vegetables.

No, seriously.

It is vegetables.

With...Honey glazed ginger.

Yes.

A hint of fresh pineapple juice.

Yes.

And a dash of cinnamon.

Actually, a pinch. But you were close.

Thank you so much, my little protegé.

You're welcome.

I'm so proud of you, my big protegé.

Ah, but getting smaller every minute.

To think, I didn't even want to go to a fashion show.

Yeah. And now we're on a date with a couple of models.

You girls are both so gorgeous.

You sure you don't think I'm too skinny?

Positive. You're perfect.

And you don't think I'm too...Not skinny?

Heck no. We'll go get the car.

What were we thinking?

Starving and stuffing ourselves.

I know. It was so unhealthy.

And we didn't even need to do it.

We should just be happy with the way we look.

Well, I should.

My point is, next time

One of your snarky friends makes a comment,

Let's remind each other

That we're perfect the way we are, ok?

Deal.

I guess moseby's right after all.

He always is.

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