Original subtitles

Yo, starting a grizzly scout troop

Was a great idea.

One of my better ones.

You boys look so cute.

We're not cute. We're grizzly scouts.

We can survive anything.

[click] all: Oh! Oh, god!

Hey, zack! Are you coming?

Zack: Are you done taking pictures?

Yes.

Wow. No one said you could dress cool.

You can't. This is not regulation.

We haven't even had our first meeting yet,

And you're already breaking the rules?

Look.

I didn't join up just to follow a bunch of dopey rules.

I joined so I could tie knots,

Climb things, and start campfires.

Basically all the stuff you do in my lobby.

Mr. Moseby, it was so nice of you

To volunteer to be troop leader.

Well...

A little discipline wouldn't hurt them.

Plus, I was a grizzly scout myself once.

It turned me into the macho man I am today.

[click] all: Oh! Ow!

Carey, I can't see anything now.

Aww.

Ahem. Attention!

Mmm...Very good.

[chuckling]

Don't eyeball me, son!

These shorts need to be 2 inches longer.

Would that make them regulation, sir?

No, your knees just creep me out.

Aaiiyee!

I don't believe...

The grizzly scout motto is "bikini inspector".

It is if you're camping at fort lauderdale.

[laughing]

[whoosh]

I'm watching you.

Gentlemen, have a seat.

Excuse me, sir.

According to paragraph 2a, section b,

We're supposed to start this meeting by reciting

The grizzly scout secret oath.

We should recite the...

Secret oath.

Oh! Oh! No moms. Got it, right.

Sorry. Smile! [click]

All: Ow! Oh! Come on! Carey!

All right, gentlemen, stand up!

[together] I promise to do my best,

To be honest, helpful,

Resourceful, upright,

And to be morally sound of mind and body.

...And body.

Ah. Committing the oath to memory?

No. I'm looking for loopholes.

♪ here I am in your life ♪

♪ here you are in mine ♪

♪ guess we have a suite life ♪

♪ most of the time ♪

♪ you and me, we got the world to see ♪

♪ so come on down ♪

♪ just me and you know what to do ♪

♪ so come on down ♪

♪ it's you and me, and me and you ♪

♪ we got the whole place to ourselves ♪

♪ you and me, we got it all for free ♪

♪ this is the suite life ♪

♪ we've got a suite life ♪

Captioning made possible by abc cable networks group

Hey, maddie, do you have any spa brochures?

Oh, yeah. They're right here.

The boys are going away for 5 days,

And I thought I'd take a little r&r.

I heard they're going to the wilderness

With mr. Moseby.

Aren't you worried?

Extremely. What do you think is better,

Swedish or thai massage?

Don't ask me.

The closest thing I've ever gotten to a massage

Is when my school bus went over a huge pothole.

London. Massage. Swedish or thai?

Neither. Shiatsu with deep tissue work.

Ask for veronica. Veronica.

Oh, no. Not veronica?

No! No oneiff. I should ask should ask for cliff? For cliff.

I used to go out with that loser.

I don't ever want to see him again.

Oh. Well, veronica it is, then.

Ok...

Hi.

Hi.

Did I just see london tipton?

No. Left town. Gone. Vamoosed.

Good. 'cause...

I'm meeting my parents here for lunch,

And I do not want to run into her.

Well, all you've got is me.

Good. That's an improvement already.

[giggles]

[elevator dings]

All right, gentlemen.

Follow me!

Boys: Oh! Ow!

I meant one at a time.

We're out, sir.

Hey, guys. Good luck.

Have fun on your little camping trip.

This is no picnic, ma'am.

It's a tough, macho journey

Into the deep, dark unknown.

Taxi!

All right, gentlemen.

This is where we will set up our campsite.

Why here?

Well, isn't it obvious?

It's flat, dry, and high up.

Isn't that right, mr. Moseby?

No, I'm just too tired to take another step.

Works for me.

Me, too. I'm hungry.

Well, then,

Why don't you eat another one of your grizzly bars?

Oh, I ate all of those on the way up.

Here. You can have one of mine.

I ate all of yours, too.

What?

Come on, that's not very fair--

Aww, calm down--

Gentlemen, gentlemen, please, please!

We have enough food in here to last us weeks.

Including a campfire bundt cake.

So, when are we gonna build a fire,

Make bows and arrows,

And swing from vines?

Not until we are properly prepared.

First, we need to dig a trench

Around our campsite. Hmm?

You mean, to go potty?

I'm thinking I'm just gonna hold it in.

No, guys. It's in case it rains.

The trench will drain the water away from the campsite.

Cody, you are a natural.

I am promoting you

From teddy bear trooper

To koala bear trooper.

Thank you, sir.

I'm so proud I can hardly bear it.

[laughing]

Wow, tough forest.

Ahh...

Boy, your knots have got knots.

It's called having twin boys.

They're away for the whole week,

And I miss 'em terribly. Ohh...

[knocking] oh, no, they're back!

Carey, I'm sorry. But I've got a big problem.

Cliff parks asked me out.

He's smart, he's handsome, and he's rich.

Wow, that is a problem.

Does he have a brother?

Is he a brother?

No, no. The problem is

He dated london 2 years ago.

Wait, is this the guy she was running away from

In the lobby? Yes.

Oh. Well, 2 years is a long time.

Go with my blessing.

Aw, thanks carey.

Oh, could you loan me something to wear?

Sure. Oh, that feels so good.

The date's in 10 minutes.

I'll be right back.

Fine by me.

I get paid whether you're here or not.

Scoutmaster moseby!

Yes, trooper cody?

Look what I found.

A wildiferus florididae. Ooh.

It's very rare. And it has a wonderful bloom

That will dress up any campsite.

Mm. Good work, cody.

You just earned your pansy badge.

Ooh! Good job!

Remember to put it next to your petunia pin.

You know, my maple leaf... [sniffs]

Actually smells like maple.

I don't understand why my oak leaf

Doesn't smell like oak.

That's because it's poison oak.

That would explain the itching.

Don't worry, I have medicine for that.

And one more thing, it is critical that you don't--

What?

Touch anyone.

Right.

Cody: Oh, no!

We've been ransacked by a bear!

Yeah. A bear with the feet of a raccoon.

Oh, no!

We've been ransacked by a bearcoon!

Oh, yes, these are raccoon tracks.

Good work, trooper zack.

Learn that?

Tv.

They dragged off all our food.

What? That's terrible.

That duffel bag was part of a matching set.

Way to focus on the real problem.

Cody, didn't I ask you

To tie a rope around our food

And hang it from a tree?

Yes. But as a ranking koala bear,

I decided to delegate it to an underbear.

So I told bob to do it.

And I told ward to do it.

And I forgot to do it.

Great...

Now we'll all go hungry.

I need to eat.

I have an athlete's metabolism.

Relax, shaq.

We'll hunt and fish for our food.

We'll live like real scouts.

I like your attitude, trooper zack.

When the going gets tough, the tough go fishing.

I hate fish.

You would be surprised at how wonderful they taste

When you're starving!

Now find the fishing poles, men!

[crack]

Found 'em.

That was nice of you to help out that young girl before.

Well, I think of maddie

Like a younger sister, and there's nothing

I wouldn't do for her.

Ohh... [knocking]

Oh, what does she want now?

Do you know what maddie did to me?

No. But I have a funny feeling

You're gonna tell me.

She stole my boyfriend.

I just saw her walk out of the hotel

And they were holding hands.

Boo me.

I'll be over here.

But-- [sighs]

I can't believe maddie would do this.

Well, carey, you've obviously

Had a lot of men stolen from you.

What do you do?

Ok.

First of all, I have not had a lot of men

Stolen from--

Ok, here's what you do.

You let it go. Besides, I thought you said

You didn't even like this guy.

Well, I only said that because he broke up with me.

Oh, I see. You still have feelings for him.

Yes.

And I'm a very sensitive girl.

And now I'm gonna destroy maddie.

Or......

Next time you see maddie,

You could just tell her how you feel.

I'm sure she'll understand.

No, I'd rather just destroy her.

But the--ohh!

Ok, veronica, I've got some new knots for you.

Where are you going?

Your time's up.

Wow, that's a lot of money.

Tipton employee discount?

I don't think so.

Ok. Now, I realize

Last night's dinner was a little disappointing.

It was soup made out of tree bark.

Ok.

Look. This morning, I have whipped up

A little breakfast tea

Made from herbs found in the forest.

How's it taste?

Not bad. A little herby, but--

Oh! What's that?

Uh-oh. The raccoons are back.

Or a wolf with raccoons.

They formed a gang.

Run for your life!

Oh! Cody.

Cody, grizzly scouts do not panic!

They remain calm in the face of adversity.

They don't run from nature, they don't fight nature,

They embrace nature!

[tarzan-esque yelling]

Sorry I'm late. I took the wrong vine.

Hah?

Oh, my.

Unbelievable.

Wow. How'd you manage to catch all those fish?

I wrestled them from a bear.

Really? No. I'm good.

But not that good!

Good work, trooper zack.

I must say, I misjudged you.

I am promoting you to panda!

But, that's higher than koala!

He's earned it.

Cool. Does that come with anything?

A sense of pride and accomplishment.

Got anything else?

Wow! Way to go!

Congratulations, you're a panda now.

[humming]

Towels, lady?

Sorry, didn't hear you come in.

Was too busy setting up my painting supplies.

The boys are out of town.

You know, I used to paint all the time, then the twins were born,

I had to set it aside. I kept telling myself

I'd get back to it next week or the week after that,

But I never did. Oh well.

Better late than never, though, right?

Towels, lady?

London is telling everyone I stole her boyfriend

And now no one is talking to me.

I mean, she doesn't even like him.

Before she knew I was dating him, she called him a loser.

Well, he is not a loser. You want to see a loser?

Just look at any guy I've dated in the last 3 years.

There's a loser for ya!

Don't let this face fool you.

I really care.

Maddie, the truth is, london still has feelings for this boy.

How do you know?

Uh... Woman's intuition?

Look, do you want me to talk to her for you?

No, I'd rather you not get involved.

Good. So you're going to talk to her?

Oh, not after what she wrote about me in her blog.

You wanna hear? Not really.

Ok, I have it on my cell phone.

"maddie... Is the...

"big--" sorry, small screen, big font.

"--gest, most a... Noying..."

I don't know why we have to hunt for food.

Zack will just swing in on a vine,

Carrying a bucket of fried chicken.

Well, maybe we can find something good

And be heroes, too.

Why does zack get all the glory?

Hey, these blueberries are pretty good.

Mm.

Uh, that "blueberry" had eyes and 8 legs.

[choking]

Uh-oh. I think it's crawling back up my throat.

[screams]

Mr. Moseby!

Ok.

Wow.

Hey there, young fella.

Hi. Do you live here?

Yep. For a long time now.

Are you one of those survivalist guys?

No, I just moved out here to meet women.

There are no women out here.

T my real estate agent said.

Want some strawberries?

No, it wouldn't be right.

See, my fellow grizzlies and I

Are supposed to live off the land.

And the food that my show-off brother keeps "finding."

Yeah, I've got a brother, too.

He's got a 2-story cabin, and it's loaded with babes.

I wonder who his real estate agent is.

Listen, you sure you don't want

Some of these strawberries with

Maybe a little whipped cream on 'em?

No, I can't.

I swore to follow the rules.

Finding food is supposed to be a challenge.

Ok. I'll just put it way up here.

"man... Steal..

"er..."

And that was just the beginning.

There's a part in the middle here somewhere.

Scrolling, scrolling. Ok, honey,

Honey, honey, honey.

If you're gonna read to me, can you at least pose?

I didn't know you paint.

I haven't yet.

Well, I ruined her.

I told everyone maddie stole my boyfriend

And she started global farming.

It's global warming.

And I recycle! Grr!

Yeah, recycle boyfriends!

You greedy man-stealer,

Type-person- thing!

Oh, don't make me use this!

Don't make me use this!

You said you didn't want cliff any more.

Well, sometimes I lie, ok?

But only because it's hard for me to show my feelings.

U get that line of baloney?

From carey.

And why would you think it's ok to move in on cliff?

Because the statute of limitations had run out.

And where'd you get that?

From carey!

What a minute. You were having secret meetings

With her?

Yes! She's the one who told me

That if you've been broken up for 2 years, it's ok.

Did you say that?

I can't believe you would play

The 2 of us against each other like that, carey.

I didn't know that when I gave her the advice!

But you never told me after you knew

But-- I thought I could trust you.

Now we know better.

Right.

Let's go.

Where's the maid with the towels when I need her?

That's not a very big fish for 4 people.

Sorry, guys. It's the only one I caught today.

Bob ate all my bait.

I thought those were gummy worms.

Remember, gentlemen,

A grizzly scout always remains optimistic.

Maybe cody found some food.

Oh, get real. We're doomed!

[tarzan-esque yelling]

What are you guys looking at?

Aah! Aah!

What? I was just out looking for food.

I'm not much of a swinger, but I'm a good hunter-gatherer!

Oh! Look at that!

Well done, trooper cody, well done.

Where'd you get all the food?

In the wild. You just have to know how to find it.

Wow. Can you show us where?

Uh, I picked it all.

Where'd you get the basket?

Huh? Oh, uh, I wove it. Out of...

Branches and vines. Yeah.

But how come it- no, no, no!

Don't ask questions. The grizzly code of silence.

I gotta hand it to you.

I thought you were just a scout up here.

Turns oure.

I've always been a scout here.

Oh, boy. Ok.

There you go.

Hop on up, big fellow.

Zack, move over.

This dinner is in honor of cody.

Let him sit on the soft stump.

All: To cody!

Hi, cody!

Hi, merle! Uh, if that is your name.

You forgot your canteen at my cabin.

I filled it up with your favorite juice. Peach mango.

Who's the geezer?

I am not a geezer.

I'm a colorful outdoorsman.

You call me a geezer again,

I won't let you watch the red sox game

On my big screen tv.

You have a big screen tv?

Yeah, in my cabin. It's also make your own burrito night.

I keep hoping women will show up.

I can't believe you pretended to find this food in the wild.

Trooper cody, I'm going to have to strip you of your koala status.

Right after make your own burrito night.

Let's go, muchachos!

Hey. Aren't you coming?

No. I don't deserve burritos. I cheated.

I'm a bad grizzly scout.

Yeah, I know. Why'd you do it?

Why?

Because you're mr. Jungle guy,

Swinging from vines and bringing home fish.

And I'm just an egghead nerd who's afraid of a bearcoon.

So you were jealous of me.

Well, you did so well in the woods,

And I did nothing but cheat.

Man, you're hard on yourself.

You know, I never would have found out what kind of camper I was

Unless you started this troop.

Good point.

So, when I screw up, I move on.

Forgive and forget, that's my motto.

Come on. Let's get some burritos at merle's cabin.

Forget burritos. I hear merle's brother

Has a cabin with babes!

Mom! We're home!

"boys. Maddie will baby-sit for the next few days.

I'm out of town. Love, mom."

Out of town? Where would she go?

Oh, that's it. Hold that pose!

You know, I haven't gotten a kiss from a woman

In a long time.

And you're not gonna.

Oh, ok.

Works for me.

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