Original subtitles

And just where do you two think you're going?

I don't get it.

She didn't even turn around.

Okay, the eyes in the back of her head thing is really creepy.

Just so you know, my vision is 20 -20 -20 -20.

You are not playing hockey without helmets and a whole bunch of pads.

that looks like skin, go cover it.

Take your helmets and pads.

If we wear them, can we go bungee jumping later?

Not even off your bed.

said he could go.

And if Bob's parents let him jump off a bridge, would you want to do that too?

If we were attached to a bungee cord.

Not even if you were still attached to my umbilical cord.

Okay, ew.

Why won't you let us have any fun?

It's my job. It's the first thing they teach you in mom school.

I discipline because I care.

Well, couldn't you care less?

We're not kids, you know.

Yeah, can't you treat us like adults?

As soon as I don't have to buy my own Mother's Day cards.

Fine. We'll read.

Here, Cody.

You better put your helmet on. Those are hardcover books.

Is this safe enough?

Doodles, please.

Sorry. Your mother told me not to give you any more sweets.

You want to play roller hockey with us? No. Number one, I'm working. And number

two, hockey is way too violent.

Ow!

You think that hurts? These shoes are killing me.

Ow. Ow.

Ow. Well, I'm no foot doctor, but here's a thought. Take the shoes off.

I can't.

London gave me $100 to break them in for her. Whoa.

You always said you wished you could walk in London shoes.

Yeah, that's before I knew how small London's feet worked.

It's raining llamas and goats outside.

Don't you meet cats and dogs?

That's a silly expression.

Why must all women shop so much?

Nine shopping bags?

I bet you also think a woman's place is in the kitchen.

Only after she gets back from the grocery store.

Oh, that attitude is so typically male.

I'll have you know, women are capable of doing anything.

How about talking quietly?

So, how are my Donatelli heels doing?

My feet are killing me. I can't wear these for another second. Here's the

in 20. I can walk on my hands.

Oh, my work. Just where do you two hooligans think you're going?

I'm thinking Harvard Law School, and Zach is thinking San Quentin.

On an athletic scholarship.

You should play outside.

But it's raining.

No matter what the weather, you do not play ball in my lobby.

You're right.

We should play ball in the ballroom.

No, that's not what I meant. Would you please? No, not now.

I'll be right with you.

Now give me that puck this instant.

Nice save, Mr. Mosby.

Hi,

Carrie.

Oh, you're so tense.

Tip of the board.

You really lost some weight.

If you lose any more, you might disappear. Whoop, where'd she go?

Carrie!

I was just practicing asking your mom out, because every time I try to ask

real mom out, I get lost in her big, brown, beautiful eyes.

Arwen! Yeah?

Put Mom in a drawer and come play with us.

I mean, every time we ask somebody to play with us, they all say the same

I don't have time.

Yeah! No, no, I mean, I really don't have time.

See, when I'm not practicing my dating skills, I'm working on a secret project.

So secret, in fact.

That no power on Earth could make me tell you what it is.

Then we won't ask. Okay, okay, I'm gonna play it.

Okay, ready?

Three, two, one.

Ta -da!

Yeah!

Wow.

A payphone.

You invented something that nobody uses anymore.

Ah, lightning.

The perfect... It's time to try out my parallel universalizer. Your what? My P

.U. Well, that clears things up.

Okay, okay. I've been reading up on the string theory, which is the scientific

basis for moving from one dimension to another.

Now, theoretically, this machine can transport you to other worlds.

When you're really hungry, so can a ding -doodle.

Okay, my little skeptic.

We'll have a demonstration.

As soon as I get back from the little janitor's room.

Nobody touch the P .U. until I get back from my P .U. I really have to go.

Zach, Ormond said not to.

Oh, come on.

Nothing he ever makes works.

Please deposit another 25 cents to go to a parallel world.

I don't have any more change.

I've got a bus pass.

That'll work.

Looks like we're stuck in the same old boring world.

In the news today, President Paris Hilton announced that cellulite is now

illegal.

Don't let Mr. Mosby see us. Remember, we're banned from the lobby.

Hey, boys!

Hey, Mr. Mosby.

Nice shades.

that we're in the lobby?

Upset? Why would I be upset?

Come on now. Hey, what do you think of my new lid?

It's tight.

Actually, it fits perfectly.

Then, Mosby will show Mom the tape and get us grounded.

Wow. She's even more devious than I thought.

And now he's shooting spitballs at the guests.

Oh, gotcha.

Okay, this is officially weird.

Ow. Ow.

Ow.

Why are you wearing Maddie's clothes?

These aren't Maddie's clothes.

Well, except for her shoes, which, by the way, are... killing me.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to go work.

Work?

Hi. Bonjour.

Kisses. Look, it's little me back from Paris.

So, are the shoes you've been breaking in for me comfortable yet? They feel

terrific, and I'm sure the blood stains will come out.

Maddie, how can you afford all this stuff?

Did you win money? on a quiz show?

Maddie, on a quiz show?

Please. She thinks a polygon means your parrot's missing.

She thinks Ecuador is how you get in an equa.

She thinks the Nutcracker Suite is the nicest room at the Nutcracker Hotel.

She thinks... Are you trying to insult me?

I rest my case.

You better watch it, or your job at the Fitzpatrick Hotel will be history.

Fitzpatrick Hotel?

my daddy bought the hotel, duh.

But you aren't, and she's not, and mows me with the throwing.

Okay, we get it. You guys are all trying to teach us a lesson by creeping us

out, and it's working.

I'm officially creeped.

How far are you guys willing to go for a joke?

Hey, dudes, go get your pogo sticks.

We'll pogo in the...

us not to do that anymore why would i say that then i'd have to cook for you

okay see you guys tomorrow maybe where are you going i'm gonna go dye my hair

blue so you can dye your hair blue but we can't go bungee jumping now who said

you can't go bungee jumping quicker than the elevator i can tell you that

I am here to clean the room.

Esteban?

Estebanita.

Are you staring at me?

I can't believe Arlen's machine actually took us to a parallel universe.

All for a quarter.

Yeah, there's the headline.

Whoa, check out the candy counter.

Hey, guys, go ahead. Take as much as you want.

Well, won't Wolfie be mad if he finds out we took some?

He'll be mad if you don't.

Sweet thing.

and I would like to take a walk in them.

Fine, but I bet you can't walk and chew gum.

Oh, yeah?

I meant at the same time.

What am I, an acrobat?

Wow, this Maddie makes our London look like a genius.

London, it's raining outside.

Very good, Maddie.

I need you to hold my umbrella so I won't get wet.

Hold your own umbrella.

I can't. I'm too busy going, yay me!

Listen carefully.

Nothing on earth will make me walk behind you holding an umbrella.

Here's $500.

After you.

If I feel one drop of rain on my head, I'm going to give you such and such,

you'll plop.

Boy, talk about irony.

Uh -oh.

My cotton candy stuck to the couch.

Zach, Cody, couches are not for eating.

They're for jumping.

Come on.

Come on. Woo -hoo.

Woo -hoo.

Okay, now, you go up and I go down. You go up and I go down.

Want to watch another movie?

We've been watching movies for two days now.

I can't even blink.

My eyes are out of saliva.

Hi, guys.

Bye, guys.

Where are you going?

On tour to promote my CD. It's number one on the charts.

Well, who's going to take care of us? Well, you'll take care of him. He'll

care of you. That's why I had twins.

Is that such a good idea?

Don't worry. I got everything taken care of. I've even got your dinner ready.

We've been kind of eating candy for two days.

Yeah. Don't you... have any vegetables like green beans lima beans string beans

how about jelly beans

yum

It's A. Diddy.

Hi, A. Diddy. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Don't wrinkle the leather,

okay, babe? Okay.

Okay.

So, are you ready to rock the world?

Oh, as long as I'm with you, my world will be rocked.

Yeah, listen.

Sweetheart, how many times have I told you?

A thousand. A thousand times.

You don't want to get involved with a guy like me.

I'm nothing but trouble.

Trouble with great hair.

Mom, can we go with you? No, no, no, no. Having you two along wouldn't be good

for a superstar image.

Yeah. Haven't you seen the title of my new CD?

Terry Martin?

Who needs kids?

So, we're not going to see you for a whole year? Of course you're going to

her. She's got a pay -per -view concert coming up.

Well, don't we get a hug? Sorry.

Got a plane to catch.

Hug each other.

But, Mom, I can't believe she really left.

For a whole year.

Well, on the bright side, we can do whatever we want.

Go to bed late, eat junk food.

But we're already doing that.

I kind of miss Mom telling us to eat our vegetables and do our homework.

Yeah.

And I miss ignoring... Mom telling us to eat our vegetables and do our homework.

Having nothing but fun really isn't all that fun.

Yeah.

We gotta get back!

Are you thinking what I'm thinking?

activated the PU.

Yes. We better get down to Arwen's office before the lightning ends, or we

get stuck here forever.

I got the quarter.

Oh, and by the way, guess who's on the quarter in this world?

George Washington?

No, George Clooney.

I've got the bus pack.

Now all we have to do is just wait for some lightning.

to weigh more than 108 pounds.

This will be my last broadcast.

It didn't work.

Now we'll never see our real mom again.

Wait a second. I just remembered something. When the lightning struck,

against that lever.

So, you want me to fall?

Well, I missed you, too.

How long were we gone?

You never left.

Yes, we did. We were gone for two days.

Your machine worked.

It took us to a parallel universe.

You wore leather, you had hair, and Mom had a huge crush on you.

She did.

Mom!

P .U., here I come.

Yes, sir.

between one ply or two.

Just so you know, tonight we'll be in bed, teeth brushed, by 7 .30.

7 .20.

TV off by 7.

What is going on?

I know this sounds kind of crazy, but we went to a parallel world, and you let

us do anything we wanted, and Mosby was pogo -sticking in the lobby, and you

were in love with Arwen.

That's it. No more sugared breakfast cereal.

school costume party. I did not think I looked that bad.

You guys want some pie

for dessert? I've got apple or cherry.

How about spinach?

Wow, that dream must have really affected you guys.

It wasn't a dream. If it was, how did we both have the same one?

Well, it's actually a pretty common thing with twins. It's called falle du.

So that's French for we made the whole thing up?

Think about it. A phone booth that takes you to a parallel universe, bungee

jumping off the building, and that all seems pretty far -fetched.

I guess it was our twin telepathy again.

I knew you were gonna say that!

Well, it's 728.

We better get to bed.

I sure hope we don't have that dream again.

I'll be in in a second, guys.

Clooney.

I'll keep this one.