Original subtitles

first day of the new semester.

Woodshop is going great.

Mr. Woodburn loves me.

He's letting me work with mahogany.

Excuse me, did you just say a teacher loves you?

Yeah, I know.

Threw me for a loop, too.

Cody, how was your new math class?

You mean advanced calculus covering functions, limits, convergence,

and multivariables?

Yeah, that one.

They canceled it. I was the only one who showed up.

Oh, yeah, I heard about that. Even the teacher didn't show up.

Cody, you might want to take a little less challenging course for your

Some fun.

You want me to take an easy class?

Like woodshop?

What makes you think woodshop is easy?

Hello? You're taking it.

Come on. How hard could it be to make a stupid buck?

It's not just a stupid box.

It's got automatic drawers.

What? No dancing girls?

Here I am in your life.

Here you are in mine.

Yes, we have a sweet life.

Most of the time.

You and me, we got the world to see. So come on down.

Just me and you.

So come on down.

It's you and me and me and you. We got the whole place to ourselves.

You and me, we got it all for free. So come on down.

It is the free life.

I'm doing my short story for English class.

Want to hear it? No, I'm playing solitaire.

Okay.

It's about a starving Slavic peasant in the 15th century.

Svetlana watched the aurora borealis paint the night sky bloody, then lay

on her threadbare blanket and gently froze to death.

That's fantastic!

You really liked it? No, I won! And the little cards are dancing!

Well... Let's hear some of your story.

Okay, it's about Ivana.

I am a dog who lives in a hotel.

Yes.

That's it?

That's all you wrote?

Hello, short story?

Duh.

But you didn't tell us your name or who you are or what you do together. And you

also misspelled dog.

I'm sunk.

This assignment is due tomorrow, and it took me forever to write that sentence.

That's a shame, because a little dog living in a hotel is a good idea.

That's the only kind I have.

In fact, it can make a great children's story.

My name is Ivana.

I live at the Tipton.

It's a very special hotel.

Uh -huh.

There's Maddie and Moseby.

There's Zach and there's Cody.

And London, who loves me so well.

Oh, what a great story.

How can you make it up on the spot?

Is there a name for that?

Intelligent?

And that's how the screwdriver got its name.

When you need to drive a screw, you use a screwdriver.

Can this class be any easier?

Shh. I'm trying to take notes.

Maybe you should take notes.

It's just wood shop.

You think wood shop is easy? Is that it, son?

Well, uh... Do you know your woods?

Mahogany? Walnut? Oak?

Maple? Well, no... Rosewood?

Teak? Pine?

Hemlock? Fir?

Spruce? Ash?

Birch? Elm?

Poplar? Spanish cedar? Douglas fir?

Cottonwood? Balsa? Cherry?

This is all news to you, isn't it, fella?

Yolanda.

The copying machine is jammed.

Oh.

I can fix that.

Zach, watch the class.

All right, people.

Back to your projects. And remember, never chisel toward yourself.

What are you doing?

Getting ready to drill a hole.

Well, here in Woodshop, we tuck in our shirts before we use tools.

But this shirt is 100 % linen. If I tuck it in then take it out, it'll be

wrinkled. Well, there's a 100 % chance you'll be wrinkled when you get sucked

into a sander.

These safety rules were made for your own protection.

Oh, yeah?

And who came up with them?

Nine -Finger Nick.

Okay, well, forget the drill.

I'll just put the screw in without it. See? This one's got a sharpy pointy end.

If you don't drill a hole, you'll split the wood.

No, I won't.

You split the wood.

You wasted a perfectly good piece of wood.

You think wood grows on trees?

You're getting a demerit, young man.

He's very strict.

Yesterday, he made me do push -ups for sanding against the grain.

But I've never gotten a demerit in my life.

Then this is a very special moment.

I'm glad I was here to share it with you.

I got an A, A, A.

I got an A. Give me an A. What does that say?

When are you going to stop?

When it starts to get on people's nerves.

Well, that was four hours and 59 minutes ago.

You're just grumpy because your short story got a B.

You got a B. You got a B.

That's because Sister Dominic failed to see my symbolism and my clever use of

metaphor and irony.

I don't know what you just said, but you got a B. You got a B.

And I got an A.

A, A, A.

Wait a minute.

My name is Ivana.

live at the Tipton. It's a very special hotel. I wrote this.

No, you spoke it, but I wrote it.

Writing it down doesn't make you the author.

I know. Beginning in A does.

Amy!

Come here.

London!

The entire Tipton staff and I would like to extend our sincerest congratulations

regarding your academic miracles.

Your father will be most pleased to hear about your A. I wouldn't be surprised

if he sent you a lavish gift.

And if I know Daddy, it'll be something that starts with an A. Could be.

Like a yacht!

So, why don't we put your paper on display at the check -in desk?

Love it!

All right.

You know, I could tell Mosby where his short story came from.

So you help me a little. Big deal.

Look, it's the only A I've ever gotten.

And it would be awfully mean of you to take it away from me.

I don't know if you know this, but I'm not exactly what you call smart.

Okay, okay, I won't say anything.

As long as the next A is one you get on your own.

Deal. And you promise not to tell?

Yes, I promise I won't tell.

Or may the evil Fitzpatrick leprechaun steal me away in the night.

You believe in evil leprechauns?

They're not all nice, you know.

Hey, guys. Mom.

Dad gave me a demerit in woodshop because he's jealous of my perfect 4 .0

average. Did not.

He's just jealous because there's something of school I'm better at. Not

So true. Not true. Nice to see you guys, too.

My day was fine, thanks. A foot rub? I'd love one.

Mom.

I'll never keep my perfect average.

I'm doomed.

Relax, Cody. I think you're putting way too much pressure on yourself.

Uh -uh.

I'm not putting too much pressure on me.

Harvard's putting too much pressure on me. Yale is putting too much pressure on

me. Princeton, MIT, Stanford.

Do you think they're out there looking for underachievers? If I don't ace

Woodshop, I'll one -up one of those guys who sells hot dogs and sleeps in a

taxi.

Hey, how much does that pay?

Look what Daddy sent me for getting an A on my short story.

A, solid gold pen.

Well, it was a job well done.

London,

I must admit, I didn't know you had it in you.

Maybe she had it right beside her.

You know, my next story is about a girl who breaks her promise and is taken away

by evil leprechauns.

London?

I've got great news for you.

My sister is in desktop publishing.

She absolutely adores your little dog story.

She wants to publish it as a children's book.

What?

She says that Ivana lives in a hotel, will be out next month, and will sell

millions.

Leave me! Thank you!

Lousy leprechauns!

I must say, we are very impressed with your college application, young man.

I think our college would be lucky to have someone with your... Oh.

What's that?

What's what?

It says here you received a B in middle school woodshop.

Oh! I can't explain that. Oh, did a meteorite hit your school?

No, but... Then you have no excuse, do you?

Well, I was under a lot of pressure, and my brother gave me a demerit, and I

couldn't finish my little... You're cracked! Is that it? You folded and

with a B.

Listen up, Sparky. We here at Big Snooty Ivy League College do not take

people who got a B.

But it was only Woodshop.

Oh, don't worry.

We have a position for you at our school.

You do?

No!

Cody, wake up!

Oh, man!

I just had the worst nightmare!

We were taking woodshop, and you were the star pupil, and I was the one

Oh, the whole thing was totally unbelievable!

Okay.

It's okay.

All right.

Just a dream.

You're just all true when our final is this afternoon.

No!

Yes!

Get dressed.

All right, everyone. We're going to give our book

signer a little break.

And then continue with the book reading in the lounge. Huh?

Wow. Being a famous author is more worth than I thought.

Oh, yeah.

Must be tough. Sending books, getting praise, forgetting to mention you stole

everything from me. You know what, Maddie? I'm beginning to think you're

jealous.

I'm not jealous.

I'm furious.

I mean, you're getting money and awards and fame for something that I wrote.

Based on my idea, my dog, my hotel, my work.

Well, it's because I'm a best -selling author on top of being rich and

beautiful.

Oh, Maddie.

Maddie, Maddie, Maddie.

Is it so hard for you to make your heart an open place?

No, it's just that... Envy isn't pretty, dear.

In fact, it's one of the seven deadly sins.

So is stealing.

Sister?

I think London has something to tell you about her book.

You do? What is it, London?

Well, Sister Dominic, you should know.

Yes?

When they make my book into a movie, I want Britney Spears to play me.

Oh, I love her! She's such a talented actress!

Okay,

everybody. This is your woodshop final. The grade you get on this project today

counts for one -third of your final grade.

Hey!

Would you relax?

You're going to do fine.

No, he won't. He's hopeless.

Not helping. Not lying.

So there are no misunderstandings. Let's go over the rules carefully.

You are to make something out of wood.

You have one hour.

You may begin.

Oh, Nelson.

Oh, Yolanda.

The copying machine.

Needs toner?

Yes. I tried to fix it, but... Ah, say no more.

Remember, I can fix anything.

Carry on.

And remember, wood.

Hey, Bob.

Oh, hey.

Watch it. If I get a splinter back there, I'll never get it out.

When my sister asked London to do this book signing, she couldn't say yes fast

enough. London simply loves people.

Especially people who bring cameras.

Right,

now you sit right over here. There you go. And you sit. That's good. Oh, no,

no. Don't pick up on my sock. That's a bad thing.

When's this reading going to start? I've got finger painting at four.

Reading makes you smarter.

My name is Ivana. I live at the Tipton. It's a very special

hotel. I have a dog, too.

Excuse me.

London's talking.

There's Maddie and Mosey. There's Zach and there's Cody. And London, who loves

me so well.

I like this book.

Me, too.

Yeah, London.

Was it hard to write it?

Uh... I just listened to the voice inside my head.

I thought the Q &A was after 3. So did I.

So put a sock in it, Maddie.

One day, it was dark. I got lost in the park. I couldn't find my way home.

Bless you for calling.

Yes?

What?

Oh! I was just trying to... Oh!

news. My sister just sold the film rights to your book for a hundred

smack -a -roonies!

Jamie! I think Britney Spears should play you in the movie.

She's really talented.

All right, that's it. I don't care if the evil leprechauns do come for me.

I'm...

Excuse me, I'm looking for the author of Ivana Lives in a Hotel.

That's me!

The author of that book is being sued for a million dollars by Heartstrings

Press. She wrote it!

Well, whoever wrote it plagiarized their book, The Little Puppy Who Lives in a

Hotel.

Oh, my mother used to read that book to me.

My name is Rover.

I live at the Dover. It's a very special hotel.

That's it.

Exactly.

You must have remembered it subconsciously. Aha!

Dude, me, you wrote it. I just said it. You wrote it down.

Who's richer?

Like me.

Let's blow this popsicle stand.

Now, London, is this true?

The story that I put up on the board is not yours?

Well, not completely.

I just want you to be proud of me.

I've always been proud of you, London.

Except for now.

I'm sorry, Mosby.

I'm sorry, Maddie.

I'm sorry, sister.

It's not entirely your fault, my dear.

Madeline shouldn't have tempted you.

Yeah, but London... Shh!

You can work it out tomorrow while you're in detention.

That is cruel and unusual punishment.

No, dear. Reading your Svetlana story was.

Gently froze to death.

Give me a break.

was supposed to be a birdhouse.

Yeah, I can see that.

Yeah, and it's got different levels to it. It's... Yeah, it's kind of like a

bird condo. Oh, yeah, you know, you put the tennis court on top of it.

I move in.

Thanks for trying to make me feel better, guys.

But I'm getting an F, and we all know it.

Hey, I get Fs all the time. It's no big deal.

But I've never gotten one.

And I don't want to start now.

F's all the time.

It's no big deal.

But you can't do that.

Sure I can.

I don't mind getting another bad grade.

And getting an A means everything to you.

Time's up.

Everybody put your wood down.

Okay, let's see what we got here.

Cody, this clock is amazing.

I didn't know you had it in you.

Yeah, neither did I.

I can't wait to see what wooden masterpiece my star pupil has created.

Is that a wheelbarrow?

Sure.

I'm afraid I can only give you a C.

Well, you gotta do what you gotta do.

It's a shame you picked today to choke.

I was gonna recommend you for advanced placement, woodshop.

Whatever. I can't take this!

I didn't make this clock.

Zach made it.

Then I made that.

The wheelbarrow?

Actually, it was supposed to be a birdhouse.

If it's a birdhouse, it gets an F.

If it's a wheelbarrow, it's a C.

It's a wheelbarrow.

Hey, guys, how was the woodshop final?

Great. I got an A.

Oh, my gosh, that's great.

a C.

Oh, honey, it's okay.

I'll make you cookies.

Hey, why don't you ever bake me cookies when I get a C?

There's not enough dough in the world.

Well, that's true.

Oh, Cody, I know it must be hard for you getting a C.

Actually, Mom, I think I'm going to be okay.

You are?

Sure. I mean, I got a C and the sky didn't fall. The earth didn't stop

And I found out I could take woodshop pass fail.

Well, the best part is I have this gorgeous clock and this lovely

It's a birdhouse. That's what I said.

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