Original subtitles

Can I help you?

Can we go ride our bike? Sure.

Great. One small problem.

Don't have any.

Of course you do. I just bought you new ones.

Eight years ago.

What? Yeah, it's not possible.

How do you know? It's been eight years.

So, obviously, it looks like new bikes are a necessity.

All right, let's see.

With what I made last month and with what you spent, what we have left for

is minus $12.

I'll take my minus six in cash.

Here I am in your life.

Here you are in mine.

Yes, we have a sweet life Most of the time You and me, we got the world to see

So come on down Just me and you know what to do So come on down

It's you and me, me and you We got the whole place to ourselves You and me, we

got it all for free So come on down This is the sweet life

I can't believe Mom is making us buy our own bikes.

What's she good for?

Food? Shelter?

Clothing? Love?

Well, you can't ride love to the mall.

We need bikes.

Well, do you still have the birthday money we got from Dad?

Only 30 bucks.

What is yours?

Accruing a healthy 8 .7 % interest in a short -term no -load mutual fund.

Well, why don't we mutually unload it?

My guess is there will be a penalty for early withdrawal.

So, does that mean you have it or not?

I only have $76 .32.

You can't buy a bike for that.

You can if we can buy no money.

Let's go buy a bike.

Stop right now!

Mr. Mosby, you seem more tense than usual.

I didn't think it was possible.

Look, my big brother is coming to town to solve a major business deal, and

everything must be perfect.

Tell him not to come.

Too late.

My horoscope says this is a bad time for relatives to visit.

Your horoscope telephoned you?

I have it emailed to me, and today it says, a relative nightmare.

Stay away from family and fried cheese.

Horoscopes are stupid.

Although that fried cheese thing makes sense.

Well, let's read yours, Maddie.

You are a mess. Your life is going nowhere.

It's a good day to stay home. Too bad you can't afford to. Boy, did they nail

you.

Would you two stop it? The last thing I need is for my big brother to see my

employees bickering. I want to impress him.

Oh, Mr. Mosby, stop worrying.

You are the most impressive man I've ever met.

If you lived in my village, you would be mayor instead of that stupid monkey.

There will be no monkey talk when Spencer gets here.

Mr. Mosby, why are you so uptight about your brother?

Because I've never been able to measure up to him.

He was a straight -A student, got all the pretty girls. He was a multi

-millionaire by the time he was 30.

Oh, he casts a giant shadow.

Hey, little bro.

I can't wait to see a shadow.

Hey, big bro.

Welcome to the Tipton.

Actually, the N on your sign's burnt out, so it's the Tiptoe.

I thought my last name was pronounced Tipton.

You must be London.

And who might this other young lady be?

It might be Maddie Fitzpatrick.

Oh, in fact, I am.

Nice to meet you. I don't know what you do, but I'm sure my brother runs the

page.

That's for sure.

You said the customer is always right.

Yes, and so is the manager. Now get back to your candy counter before I make you

fix the inn.

Before you go, could you put together a candy basket for me?

And give yourself a nice tip.

I love your brother.

Doesn't everyone?

Esteban, could you take my bags to my room, please?

He knows my name.

You have the name tag.

Sorry it's only a 20.

I'm a little short.

A little?

Hey, honey, what's new?

What's new is a bike. The most beautiful, fantastic, best bike ever.

Oh, it sounds great.

Where is it? That's right.

But I've got the receipt, see?

So you guys are going to share it?

Yeah. I've even made up a schedule.

Zach's due back in five minutes, and then that baby is all mine.

I can picture it now.

Freedom. Freedom of the open road. The wind flowing through my hair. I

mean, through the holes in my helmet.

I admire you, Maddie. You're always doing schoolwork.

I'm emailing a fake horoscope to London to mess with her head.

What are you making the horoscope take?

Well, she was gloating about getting tickets to the concert at the Fleet

tonight. So, her horoscope now says it is a bad night to hear music.

Oh, she would never buy that.

Would someone turn off that elevator music?

My horoscope says that today is a bad day to listen to music.

the elevator.

I almost missed my floor. I couldn't hear the ding.

Does anyone want two tickets to a concert tonight? Say yes.

Yes.

Here, take them.

Wait a minute.

Should we be taking advantage of poor Miss London like this?

Please. When she had trouble potty training her dog, she made you dress up

a hydrant.

Oh, let's really stick it to her, girl.

supposed to be back hours ago i was hello schedule

sorry but there's this emergency at the park what

i met this girl selena oh please we started riding

and talking and sitting and talking and drinking sodas and talking man girls can

talk just give me the bike i've been waiting for hours

You can ride tomorrow.

Since it's your turn, I'll let you take it upstairs.

Oh, Esteban, it's almost checkout time. Hurry up to Spencer's room and get his

bag. He's leaving so soon? It's only been one day.

One day is like seven years in Spencer time.

I'm sick of hearing how he's always done so much better than I. You shouldn't

hold a grudge. And I don't. My rubber band pot holder was just as good as his.

No, it wasn't. Mom still uses mine.

Then maybe you should go visit her.

Esteban, get his bags.

I'd like to hold off on that if you don't mind.

Don't tell me you're staying.

And by that I mean, don't tell me you're staying?

Marion, you're not trying to get rid of me, are you? No.

Because I thought we were really reconnecting. In fact, I'd like to stay

more days.

No.

Kidding.

Okay. Well, if you're going to stay, I'm going to need to run your credit card.

Marion, I'm a millionaire.

I know.

It's just company policy.

Huh.

That's odd.

It's rejecting it.

Maybe it's your machine.

The machine is telling me to confiscate your car.

All right. If you must know, I've recently suffered a small setback. How

I'm broke.

Oh, no.

And I'm going to need to stay longer.

Oh, no.

Zach should be back any minute with my bike. It is so cool.

So my bike has got pegs, and it's racing red.

We were thinking about going with Candy Apple Red, but that didn't seem to pop.

Finally, you're back with the bike.

Yup, it's all yours.

Oh, yeah, I kind of broke it. I know it looks bad, but hey, you love jigsaw

puzzles.

You broke it, you fix it.

Because I'm not fixing this.

This is your responsibility, and you're going to fix it.

Who am I kidding? You're not going to fix it.

What's wrong with Spencer?

He looks a little low.

I mean, down. Sad.

It turns out that Spencer is broke.

Well, if he's broke, why don't you just give him a job here at the hotel?

Splendid idea.

How about Candy Counter Girl?

We never had this conversation.

Yes.

Any luck getting a loan from the bank, he said, hopefully.

No, he answered sadly.

Wait, little bro Mosby.

Irene, the concierge, is home with laryngitis.

Maybe big bro Mosby can fill in for her.

Esteban, that's ridiculous.

Spencer would never take that job.

Yes, Spencer would.

But that job requires a thorough knowledge of the city and the

attractions. Excuse me. I need reservations for ten people for eight

Luigi's Ristorante. Oh, I'm so sorry, but Luigi's Ristorante books up weeks in

advance.

It's all set.

Oh, well,

thank you.

Wonderful concierge. You're very lucky to have him.

Okay, Spencer, let's go talk about your new job.

Great. I'm going to need a sizable event.

Oh, you would.

I think it would be nice for the two Mr. Mosby's to spend some time together.

You also think that hat makes you look cool.

Oh, so you see it too, huh?

Speaking of looking cool, guess what London's horoscope told her what to wear

today. Can I still guess even though I'm looking at her?

Did a magician just pull you out of his hat?

No. And I know this looks silly, but my horoscope said if I didn't wear this,

bad things would happen.

Well, you don't want to tempt fate.

Now, hippity hop off down the bunny trail.

And remember, if you need extra luck, you can always rub your own foot.

Oh, please. That would make me look silly.

We did a good job.

Oh, I get it.

The silent treatment.

Okay, two can play that game.

All right, only one can. You win.

Well, would you look at the time?

It's after two.

My turn to ride our bike.

Don't touch.

That bike.

Ooh, it speaks.

Yeah, and it's angry.

Schedule rules.

Hey, fishing time is a lot different than riding time. So technically, it's

time. Technically tough.

What? One minute.

Excuse me, Spencer, but the... These people need your attention.

Not now, Marion. I'm on a business call.

Running the concierge desk is your business.

Are you belittling me?

Oh, no, no, no.

No, no, no. I didn't mean to.

What I was saying was... Apology accepted.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to get back to my call.

My little bro will take care of you.

I have to leave in five minutes.

Hey,

London. How did the bunny suit go over yesterday?

Not so well.

People laughed at me.

So, London, are you going to the fireman's ball?

I hear it's the hottest party of the year. Gotta get this hot with the fire.

I know, but my horoscope says that today is a bad day to go outside.

No. Oh, that's a shame.

And I was supposed to bring a guest.

Hey, do you guys want to go?

If you insist.

Great. The limousine will peak up at 7.

And then he just took the bike.

It's so not fair.

Did you say anything to him?

No. I was giving him the silent treatment.

And how'd that work out for you?

My point is, Zach is hogging the bike.

And he's cleverly using my schedule against me.

Sharing is tough.

I remember when I was a kid, I tried to share a boyfriend with Nicky Maldonado.

It was a disaster.

She got the guy?

No, I did. And then he ate all my animal crackers.

Oh, you were in kindergarten.

No, high school.

I got a message you wanted to see me. Yes, the microphone stand is broken.

Again. Mom, I've got brother problems here.

Please, do not talk to me about brothers.

Spencer is giving me such a migraine. Zach is selfish. Spencer's a bully.

He doesn't listen. He has no consideration for me.

And he stinks, personality -wise, and frankly, his body odor.

Oh, come on, you know how he acts. Stop!

Sit!

I know it's not easy being a younger sibling. I remember torturing my younger

sister. I didn't know you had a younger sister. Yeah, she doesn't talk to me

anymore.

My point is, you're not going to solve anything by complaining about it. You've

got to stand up to your big brother.

But, Mom... Honey, this is one battle I can't fight for you, and must be you and

Spencer should have had this battle a long time ago.

Where are you going?

I am going to do the mature thing and go call my sister.

If any luck, she's still at work and I can leave a message.

You know, she's right.

Why are we so intimidated by our brothers?

Well, speaking for myself, Zach once noogied me so hard I lost five IQ

Well, Spencer may be short, but he pounces like a cat. Plus, he bites.

Okay, we're pathetic.

You're right.

You know, I have had enough.

I'm going to march right upstairs and stand up to Spencer.

And I'm going to give Zack a piece of my mind.

You first.

I appreciate the call.

Spencer, I need to talk to you immediately.

Okay, but before

you do, I have something to tell you.

No. You are going to listen to me for once.

Now, it's bad enough that you have never treated me with respect as your

brother. But now you're my employee, and you're still taking advantage of me.

So I'm consistent.

You're consistently a jerk.

Oh, no, no, not you, sir.

You're consistently a jerk.

I... Oh, no, no, none of your back talk.

From now on, you will speak to me with respect, or we won't speak at all.

You're right. And another thing. Say what?

You're right. I have mistreated you.

Especially now because you helped me when I really needed it.

But after all, you are my big brother and... I love you.

I love you too, Marion.

See ya.

What? Whoa!

You don't have to go. I know, but that phone call you interrupted was my

business associate.

He can't deal with my funding.

I'm gonna be rich again.

A feeling you'll never know.

Well, that was almost a nice moment.

Oh, it's just I'm apologizing. I'm sorry I shaved dork in your hair when you

were five.

You said that was the hair gremlin.

I lied.

What?

People called me dork hair for years.

Including my...

Don't be mad just because Mom liked me best.

Oh, she did not. You know the reason why she treated you better.

Don't go there. Oh, yeah. Don't go there. Because you were lactose

Oh, you went there.

Who's afraid of cheese?

There you are. I need to speak to you. Can you make it quick?

You're cutting into my bike time.

any time with our bike.

I paid for most of it. Now get off.

Okay, fine.

If you want to break our deal and forget about your schedule, go ahead and take

the bike.

Oh, it's not about the bike.

Oh, great.

It's about me doing your homework and cleaning our room and eating your

for you when mom's not looking. You offer to do all that stuff because

what brothers do for each other, but it's never reciprocal.

It would be nice if once in a while you did something for me.

I did.

You offered me money and I took it.

Ha ha.

Very funny.

Well, why are you so upset all of a sudden?

It's not all of a sudden.

It's been 13 years in the making. And I don't want us to end up like Mr. Mosby

and his brother.

If we do, can I be Spencer?

He's rich. He gets all the babes.

And he's winning.

This

is

what I mean. I don't want to keep everything bottled up inside for 30

then wind up hating you.

You'd hate me?

Eventually.

Like now, if I don't get this bike.

It's yours.

Good. And from now on, I expect you to think of me as your equal.

Except in school, where I'm clearly better.

So you do that.

For you, of course.

Let's hug it out, you overly sensitive lug.

Sorry, man. Hot babe.

Thanks for pointing her out.

I can't believe we get to go to the fireman's ball and ride in a limo. Oh,

country, a limo is a cart pulled by a llama. It's called a lamo.

Look where it is.

Right here.

What are you doing?

I'm dressed as a fireman. Then having a ball.

You guys should have read your horoscope.

Mess with a friend and you'll be covered in foam.

That horoscope was bizarrely accurate.

How did you catch on?

It was easy.

I used logic, cunning, and I overheard you and S1 laughing about it.

So, do you think maybe we can still ride in the limo?

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