Original subtitles

That's the boy.

That's the boy.

now then.

Oh, it's no good. Shane!

Shane! What?

Don't what. It's rude.

Come here.

What do you want? Sit there a minute, will you?

What for? So as I can see if I can see you.

I see.

I can't. Oh, never mind.

It was a nice idea while it lasted.

I'll do a little... Rosie in a bowl.

You do realise you've only set for two, don't you? Yeah, that's right. You and

Angie. What about you?

Oh, you don't want me tonight.

It's a two's company night tonight.

Angie should come home more often. No, or go away less often.

Oh, now, don't startle that. She's not away that much.

Oh, isn't she? You just come with me and pull that back.

Take a look at that.

What am I supposed to see?

Too many little black crosses.

you supposed to see?

I didn't put them there. No, I did. To show how often Angie's been away, and

it's not right, you know. She should be by your side, helping you in your

wonderful work.

What about her wonderful work? What?

Modelling? It's time she gave that up. I thought she would give it up when we

left Muswell Hill.

Ah, yeah, but she hadn't broken into television commercials then, had she?

mean... Hey, what time is it?

Nearly half past six. We might just catch it. Oh, that had...

the beginning.

Oh, what a shame. I should have set me finger.

How's the headache, darling?

Headache? I've forgotten all about it. Ah, the mylofine work, then.

Mylofine always work.

No headache?

No headache.

Come here.

What did you do that for?

Because I don't like the way it ends.

What, you mean the kiss?

It is totally unnecessary.

What does he have to kiss her for? Because she hasn't got a headache

So? So.

Oh, I see. Oh, that's nice, isn't it? At half past six in the evening, there's

little children watching us.

They certainly wouldn't make me want to buy any of their old... What's it called

again? Milo Fine, nor me, Nana. I just watch it to see Angie.

Oh, you see?

You do miss her. Well, of course I miss her.

But I don't mind. Well, not all that much. And she'll be home soon.

Nine o 'clock. Oh, now then, nine o 'clock. So give a time to wash your

have a drink, and you'll be sitting down and eating at half past nine, right?

If you say so, Colonel. I do say so.

Now, listen, turn the top oven down to two at seven and the bottom oven up to

five at eight, and at ten past nine, turn both ovens off. All right?

Of course it's not all right. I'll never remember all that. Oh, don't panic.

I'll write it all down for you.

Thanks, Dida. And anyway, if you've any problems, you can ring me at our

Wilfred's. Why are you going to Wilfred's? Well, why do you think? Get

your way, give you a chance to be alone with your wife before she goes away

again.

That's very thoughtful of you, but there's no need. I mean, you can just

your room.

Doing what?

You can take the television in with you. What, and watch that commercial again?

No, thank you, I've got to go to my Wilfred's.

Any way he's cooking me me so purple, it'll be quite a treat for me to eat a

meal I haven't cooked myself.

I'm quite looking forward to it.

More savoury right there, Ida?

Is that what it is?

Not very nice, is it?

No. Funny that, cos I did all it said on the packet.

You can't have.

I did. The only change I made was that... Yes?

Well, I used light ale instead of water.

Did what?

Well, I thought it might give it a bit of body.

And that from a grave digger.

There's another faggot going.

I'll pack its bags for it.

Oh, and I was right looking forward to this supper.

Oh, bless you.

I must have been mad.

You'll enjoy your pudding.

Will I?

Yes, it's raspberry cheesecake.

Is it?

Except for the raspberries.

Oh, you're right, I will enjoy it. What do you mean, except for the raspberries?

How can you have raspberry cheesecake without raspberries?

Easy. You use prunes.

It could have been pilchards.

What? In raspberry cheesecake?

Oh, hardly.

Have a bit of this. No, thanks. I don't like Danish blue.

Danish blue? That's mature cheddar.

Very. Ida.

What? You did invite yourself, you know.

I did, didn't I? And I've been a rotten guest.

But you know what they say, you always hurt the one you love, the one you

shouldn't hurt.

Hey, love.

What's this?

Hey, come on, Archie.

Have a drop of this.

Now, tell us, what's it all about?

Thank you.

Now then, what's wrong?

Oh, Wilfred, it's Angie.

Little Angie, why, what's the matter? Oh!

I'm glad you said that.

Hey, we're either late, early, or dead on time.

Late.

Never mind.

Be on again at half past ten.

Now, have you seen it, Ida?

Little Angie's advertisement.

Oh, she's ever so lifelike. What she does is... I know what she does.

She does the ironing, which is more than she ever does at home.

But then she's never at home to do the ironing these days, is she?

When she come home, she must come home at weekends, surely.

Yeah, and what does that add up to? Eight days a month.

What good is that to a young hubby? I tell you, Wilfred, that marriage is

heading straight for the rough.

When's she coming home again?

Tonight, which is why I'm here, waiting for me prune cheesecake.

Do you want a bit?

Might as well. It'll pass the time.

I can't go home yet, can I? Why not? I'm not stopping you. Here we are.

Excuse fingers.

Oh, here.

Have a drop of it back. No, thanks.

Oh, and to think I left them pair Belle Helene.

I can't... I can't go back yet because Angie doesn't get home till nine o

'clock. And it's only just turned ten now.

So? Well, I want to give them a chance to be alone together.

You know, to rediscover each other.

Let's hope they make the most of it. Of course they will.

You've gone to bed?

No, I was catching up on some reading.

Oh, don't tell me she didn't get here.

Of course she got here. About half past eight. Oh, she was early. How lovely.

How was the supper?

Oh, all right.

All right?

Chicken chateau and pear belle Helene, all right? Next time Angie comes, I'll

prune cheesecake.

I don't see why I should suffer alone.

Where is Angie?

Well, she fancied an early night.

She had a bit of a headache.

Oh, poor little girl.

When did that come on?

Well, now, we'd finished the pudding.

But not the washing up?

Afraid not.

Come on.

Did Angie say what she'd been doing this week?

Another television commercial.

Oh, yes.

And what one's this about?

Floor polish.

Floor polish?

She's never polished a floor in a...

Come to that.

She's never ironed a pillowcase in her life.

And suddenly she's housewife of the year.

Hello, Ida.

Oh, hello, stranger.

Come and give us a hug.

It's lovely to be back. And it's lovely to have you back.

Have a headache, ain't you? Oh, it's still there. I came down for the math

bring. Whatever happened to my loofah?

They don't work.

Don't they?

Well, what about the floor polish? Does that work?

Oh, yes, one of the cameramen flipped on the shine and broke a leg.

Lovely. Here you go.

Oh, thanks.

Thank goodness I can lie in in the morning.

She's home for a whole week, Ida. A whole week? Oh, my goodness, it'll be

old times.

You must remind me what you like to eat.

Now then, Ida.

Well, he misses you, you know. He won't say so, so I'll say it for him.

He's like a lost soul.

You're not, are you, Robert?

No, of course I'm not.

I mean, if you want me to give it all up... Who said anything about giving it

up? I did.

And I didn't. You can't give it up now. You're doing so well.

Oh, you are marvellous.

I think I'll go to bed.

You're not on call, are you? No.

Hello!

It's probably burglars ringing up to see if we're out.

What?

Hang on.

It's for you.

A man.

Oh.

Hello?

Jimmy!

Who's Jimmy? I don't know.

Is he that one that kisses her in that advert?

I don't know.

Tomorrow? Today, actually.

Oh, but... You don't mind, do you, Robert? I mean, you did your thing.

No, no, no, no. I don't mind.

And I've not been asked.

I will go to bed.

And you'll need this. What for?

Seven more black crosses.

Good night.

putting a tie on, won't you, love?

Whatever for?

Oh, didn't I tell you?

Tell me what?

Hello, nuts, raisins, pickled gherkins. Who's coming?

I could have sworn I told you, but it is a good idea, don't you think so? I

mean, we can't sit here night after night just staring at each other. Why

Well, we need... Stimulating. That's it.

Well, who have you got coming to stimulate us?

Wilfred and Miss Barfitt.

Now, it's not as bad as it sounds.

Miss Parfitt's bringing her Scrabble board.

Wow!

Now, what's she doing?

Checking my pulse.

I don't want to be overstimulated, do I?

Scrabble with Wilfred? Oh, I thought you loved me.

Well... What do you think of that?

Not a lot. What is it?

Well, it's wet, isn't it?

Wet?

Which is not a word I care for. All right, all right.

Where's there an A in it? Look, it should go in there.

All right, all right, I've got an A.

I'll put it there.

But that'll spoil my wit. All right, all right, no sweat.

Funny, eh? No sweat.

I'll think of something else.

Has another quarter of an hour gone? No, it's not, no, it's not.

I'm going to... put my B on top of that O.

And spell what?

B -O.

You know.

Oh, Margaret, don't stop doing that all over poor Miss Parfitt.

That's all right.

But are we going to let him have B -O?

Oh, yes. Anything to get the game moving. Now, it's your turn, Miss

You've caught me on the hop.

Now I'm a bit stuck.

Ah, but if I put that T under that I, I'll have it, won't I?

Bit late in the day, but yeah.

Lovely. And I'm going to put my F on top and make fit.

I was going to put my T there to make...

bird as well.

As well as what?

As well as... Pass me the wally, will you?

I beg your pardon?

It means a pickled gherkin.

You must, Mr. Parker.

Oh, Angie!

Oh, well, I suppose we could start again.

Hello? Oh, hi, Angie. I thought it might be you. How are you?

I'll take this call in the kitchen. Hang on.

Just carry on without me for a bit, will you?

Hello, love. Where are you?

The Place de la Concorde.

They named that after the aeroplane, you know.

Me too.

It simply hasn't stopped raining.

Oh, I thought you meant... It's been OK here?

Not here. It's been awful.

Well, never mind. You'll be home on Friday.

Well, that's just it, darling. I won't. Oh, why not? Because of the rain.

We haven't even started on the outdoor stuff.

But what about Saturday? You'll be home on Saturday.

Well, no.

I might be back Sunday with a bit of luck.

But not Saturday? No chance.

Why?

They're special about Saturday.

Well, they're... It's their wedding anniversary.

It's not.

It is.

Their fifth.

Oh, we should have known.

I'd have bought them a present.

You still can. It's three days away.

Five years. I think that's paper.

As long as it's not gold.

Of course it isn't. That's their 50th.

By the time they get to that, you'll be long gone.

Oh, I'm glad you said that. I want to have a word with our Shane about that.

I want to ask him how I get myself freeze -dried.

Freeze -dried?

It's an American idea.

It would be.

Well, when you die, they dry you out.

They'll have a job with you.

And they freeze you.

What for?

Well, so you'll last forever, I expect.

Doing what?

Looking ornamental.

Wilfred, you're no thing of beauty alive.

You're dead.

Oh, I look smashing.

I'll wear me best suit and a glass in one hand and a cigar in the other.

And I'll sit... Where will I sit?

Where will I look most natural?

The dock.

The dole queue. The Duke of Wellington.

The dining room.

I'll sit at the table.

And spoil everyone's dinner.

Except mine, because I'll be eating off a tree.

Until it's my turn to come and join you.

Oh, I'm sorry about this, Miss Parfitt.

Miss Parfitt?

Oh, I'm sorry. I was in a trunk.

I wonder if I've time to knit them a tea cozy.

Who? Doctor and Mrs Price for their anniversary.

I wonder what they're giving each other.

Well, I know what Shane's giving Angie.

He's taking her to Romanov's for dinner.

Hello, love. How's Angie?

Angie's fine. The weather's foul and she won't be home till Sunday.

Right. Another game, everyone?

But what about your dinner?

Dinner? At Molotov's.

Romanov's. Oh, yeah, I forgot. I'd better give them a ring.

I've been afraid of this. What did I say to you the other evening?

You said my savoury rice was sickening.

Not that, though it is.

No, I said, and I did, Miss Farfetch, I said Angie is getting far too wrapped up

in that job of hers if she's not careful. Hello, Molotovs.

Sorry, Romanovs.

This is Dr Pryor.

I've got a table booked for Saturday night at 8 o 'clock.

Yeah, I'd like to cancel it, please.

Sorry about that.

Goodbye.

Right, then. Another game?

Yes, if you've got the heart for it. Of course I have. Now, how many letters

each? Seven.

Seven letters for you then, Miss Parsons? Shane?

What? I think you're taking this wonderfully, don't you, Wilfred?

Taking what wonderfully?

Angie not being here for their anniversary.

Pardon? Angie not being here for our anniversary.

I was simply trying to spare you pain, Shane.

I'm not in pain either, it's just... Well, Angie can't be here, it's no big

deal. We can have dinner at Romanoff's another night.

Sooner you than me.

It's very greasy.

Spanish food.

It's not Spanish, Wilfred. It's in... Italian?

Russian, Ida. The doomed dynasty.

I didn't know that was on. The house of Romanoff, Mrs Willis, massacre to a man.

What did they do with the women?

Chop them. All of them?

Except... Ingrid Bergman.

Ingrid Bergman? It's all coming back to me now. It was on telly a couple of

weeks ago.

Anesthesia.

She got an Oscar for it. I think you mean Anastasia, Ida. What do Russians

Borscht, bless you.

It's beetroot. What is?

Borscht. It's beetroot soup.

Oh. I never cook beetroot myself.

It stains your serviettes, something shocking.

And your dentures.

Well, they must eat something other than beetroot. I mean, they conquered space.

And you can't do that on a beetroot.

Of course they eat more than beetroot.

All right, then what?

What? Go on, I'm really interested to know.

All right, how would you like to find out?

How? Well, there's only one way, isn't there?

You are all free on Saturday, I hope.

Oh, no.

Miss Parfitt, our Ida, our Shane.

It falls to me on this happy occasion to propose a toast.

There's no need, Wilfred. There's every need.

Courtesy demands it. Here, here.

Don't pour her any more.

She's pouring her own.

Let us raise our glasses.

May this be one of the happiest anniversaries... How can it be with no

I'll leave him alone. He means well. The happiest anniversary to our Shane and

to his dear departed wife.

You're fool. She's in Paris, not paradise.

I asked you to be upstanding.

Do you think we could do it sitting?

Are you all right, love?

Wonderful.

Good health, our Shane.

Yeah, yeah. And much happiness.

Yeah, yeah.

Down the hatch.

Here you are, sunshine.

What? Where did these come from? They're from your old man, Chuck.

My old man?

Oh, I forgot to count for them.

Yeah, but I'm not your... I mean, you're not... Do you realise that waiter

thinks we're married?

Ah, so what?

So it's ridiculous.

Of course it is.

Why?

Well, he's a young man and you're... And I'm not too old to give you the back of

me hand.

They were meant to be.

And they can be still.

You take these and give them where they belong.

What?

Angie! Hello.

I thought you couldn't be here. I shouldn't be here. But when I thought of

anniversary and you all on your own, I simply got in a taxi, got on a plane,

here I am.

I've got to go back in the morning.

Oh, well. You're here tonight.

Yeah. Let me go home.

Come on.

That's the most romantic thing I've ever seen.

I'm super happy indeed.

Me and all.

To Shane and Angie.

Shane and Angie.

There you are, comrade.

What's this?

It's your bill.

My bill?

Oh, no, Boris.

Ida, have you got any roubles?

No, Ivan, I haven't.

Oh, Miss Parfitt, what was it you said they did to all them Romanovs?

Massacred to a man.

Boris? Yes, Chuck?

What's rushing for? I'll wash and they'll dry.