Original subtitles

That's my boy.

wants to know what I want for me birthday. It's a set of non -stick salt

Oh, not very exciting.

Oh, well, perhaps you're right.

I know. Wrap them up in a mink coat.

Done it again.

Done what again?

The corner shop sent me the wrong paper. I don't read the sun.

Ooh.

You look at the pictures, though.

Look at this, Ida.

What is it? Ooh.

He's a poor girl. She must be so tired by the end of the day.

That's the third time this week. I'm going in this morning to sort them out.

Oh, don't bother. I'll go. I want to see them anyway. They've sent me the wrong

order. Twelve tins of rabbit cat food and six nightlights.

Somebody in this village is on a very funny diet.

I don't know why you don't shop in town.

These shops are all the same. You pay the earth and you don't even get what

want. Well, they've been all right till now. It's only this week.

And we must support home industry, mustn't we? Why? Why must we?

Because the first fall of snow, when his rotten car won't make it up the hill,

it'll be me that goes slithering back, and they'll remember in the winter who

deserted them in the summer.

And you'd miss your morning gossip.

Ah, that's more like it, Ange. That's where it's at.

Aye. Beg your pardon, if there is one thing I have never been, Shane, or ever

will be, Ange, it's a gossip.

No. Yes.

No.

One moment, please. Was there something you required, Mrs Willis? Yes, please.

Half a pound of what you're talking about.

What do you think?

If we don't tell her, the vicar's wife will.

Your wife will.

She heard it first from Hilda.

Hilda? Vera's sister -in -law.

Vera? I'm Vera. I'm Ida. Go on about Hilda.

Well, she told the vicar's wife. And she ought to know.

Because she does work in the right place, you know.

Oh. More. Not now, Brenda. Mummy's talking.

Go on, Vera.

Well, like I said, our Hilda worked in the estate agent office. Only part

Oh, part or all, she does work there, because she ought to know. Know what?

£200 ,000.

Pardon? That's what she's paying for it.

£200 ,000.

And there'll be rates on top, you know. On top of what?

The house on the hill.

What of? Oh, you mean that big white one with all those chimneys?

Oh, I wouldn't give you a thought for it. Well, here, according to your elder,

just a minute, who has?

Why would our elder be wrong?

What? It wouldn't be first time, would it? What's that supposed to mean, may I

ask? It's supposed to mean a second baby with an ovarian cyst.

We'd all knit it.

Now, just a minute. Who paid £200 ,000 for that house on the hill? Mum!

Just a minute, Brenda, your mummy's talking.

Who has paid £200 ,000?

Is she always that colour?

Not colour.

Come here to the light, love.

Well, more or less, yes.

Have you sliced that brown yet, love? Oh, can I do something else instead?

Don't you like brown, Brenda?

Oh, I love it.

My mother used to make her own, you know.

You start with a sheep's head. Sheep's head?

Yeah, you see, you wrap it in muslin and bring it to the boil and then... And

this is the trick of it. You keep skimming the guns off it.

Yeah, you know, bits of bone and bits of brain.

Was it something I said?

No. No, love, no.

I think it's a phrase she's going through.

She'll be all right later. It's only in the morning she's funny.

It can't be anything to worry about. I mean, it's not as if she was losing

weight. I spent all last evening letting out her skirts.

Anyway, never mind about Brenda.

to the house on the hill.

Oh, yes, do you not have forgotten all about that? 200 ,000 pounds.

Mind you, what's that to him?

Who? Who what? Mrs. Cross, who has bought the house on the hill?

Didn't I say?

None of you didn't. Oh.

Well, turn the sign to closed, love.

Elton John!

Elton John.

Elton John the pop star?

No, love, Elton John the plumber.

How many Elton Johns are there? Well, with £200 ,000 to spend, look what I got

this morning.

But you don't let autographs. I am about to start.

He'll have all the greats up there, you know, Shirley Bassey, Liberace, Cilla

Black. Oh, he mingles with the mighty, does Elton.

Miss... You know Mrs Cross at the village shop. She's over the moon about

She's got 48 tins of processed peas on offer.

But why?

To make room for Elton's record.

It's going to be a shrine, that shop.

She's having pictures and posters and souvenir T -shirts.

Hey, Robert, guess what?

What? Oh, do put that thing away.

We're getting a new neighbour.

Oh, that's nice.

Nice? It's more than nice. It's thrilling.

What's thrilling about a new neighbour? Guess who it is. Go on, guess.

Well, give me a clue.

Auntie John. Oh, yes.

Now I've given it away, but it is exciting, isn't it?

Knock out.

Oh, dear, what's the matter with you? Don't you ever get excited?

Sometimes. Oh, and the thing is, the sun never sets. Give me that.

Well, Angie's very pleased. He is a sex symbol after all.

Oh, not really, Ida.

I mean, he's lovely and he's cuddly, but he's not Rod Stewart, is he?

Oh, here we go. You and Rod Stewart. I don't know what you're seeing in him. I

don't know what you're seeing in that. It's his... When's he coming, Ida? Oh, I

don't know, love. It'll be quite some time. There's a lot to be done at that

house before it's fit for the likes of him.

What house?

I hope it's not too close. We don't want noisy parties.

It's right at the top of the hill.

It's the White House house, the one with all those chimneys. You know the one.

I do, and you're wrong.

About what?

Elton John's not buying that house.

I'm sorry, but he is, you know.

Says who?

Says who? Says Vera, that's who. And she got it from the vicar's wife and got it

from Hilda, who only works in the estate agent's office.

That's who. Now tell me I'm wrong.

You are.

Read this.

What's that, Robert?

It's a letter from a Mr Edwin John.

Edwin John. Well, that'll be one of Elton's brothers.

It's nothing to do with Elton.

Or one of his rudies.

Either. Edwin John is chairman of a charitable trust which... Well, read the

letter. Go on. Well, all right, but I know that I'm writing your...

This'll

kill Mrs Cross.

is Willie.

It's a far cry from Elton John.

A hostel for unmarried mothers.

Twenty beds, twenty fallen women flaunting themselves.

There's married men in this village, you know. Well, that hardly puts us in the

Guinness Book of Records.

We'll have to put a stop to it, of course.

We will.

We'll start with a petition, shall we? Then we'll have a march.

Then perhaps later a sit -in somewhere.

A sit -in? Sit in. What a good idea.

Give ourselves a rest before we start the lynching.

Or shall we burn them at the stake? You should.

Serious about this, Mrs Willis? I can see you are.

I mean, these unmarried mothers, they'll be pregnant, won't they?

I'll go 50 on that.

And how did they get pregnant? Answer me that.

You wouldn't believe a strong headwind, would you?

Lust.

That's what's behind it.

Lust.

Nine times out of ten.

Oh, I've got to ask. What about the tenth?

Marital love, Mrs Willis, which is how I came by Brenda.

Oh, yes, you're Brenda.

I don't think I'm changing the subject here.

How is your Brenda?

Feeling better, is she?

Oh, yes, it's only in the morning she gets these terms.

Yes, you said.

And is it in the morning she makes up the orders?

Oh, not you two.

Well, I was going to say this morning, only all that Elton John rubbish put it

right out of me head.

Twelve tins of cat food she sent, and I don't got a cat. And she sent the wrong

paper three mornings this... Mrs Cross, is something the matter?

Elton John.

Where?

I've all his records coming this afternoon.

And pictures and posters and T -shirts.

Oh, I hope the wholesalers do refunds. And I hope you do.

£2 .40, please. And I'll have six things of processed peas before they go back

up.

Come in.

Oh, Mrs Lacey.

Vera Winifred. I say that because I've got a sister, Marjorie Agnes.

Yes, well, do sit down. I'll just have a look at your notes. Thank you.

Oh, you're quite a regular visitor, aren't you?

Oh, I try to get in once a month.

I believe in preventative medicine.

Very sensible.

Well, what seems to be the trouble this month?

It's about this hospital doctor.

You know, the one for...

Oh, yes.

What about it?

Well, you're going to be to do with it, I believe.

Oh, that is possible.

Then, and I know you know nothing about me, but can you fix me up?

Can you get me in there?

Oh, please, Doctor, I'm desperate.

Mrs Lacey, how old are you? Oh, I know what you're thinking, Doctor, but I'm

past it, I promise.

Ask the vicar.

His wife?

Well, it's her that pays me after all.

Pays you?

Oh, I don't think... Well, I can't afford to clean for nothing now, can I?

Oh.

You want to go to the hostel as a cleaning lady?

Well, I don't want to go as an inmate.

You'll put a word in for me, won't you?

Yes, I will. First chance I get.

Any other problem?

Well... Good, good.

Good night then, Mrs Lacey.

Oh, well.

I'll see you in about a month then, Doctor.

Good night.

Oh, boy.

Lacey. Cleaning.

Licorice.

Trained.

Good evening. Do sit down. It's Barraclough George, isn't it? No, it's

Willis, either.

But I'll still sit.

What happened to Barraclough George?

Can't come. He's not well.

Oh, does he want to visit? Oh, not tonight. He's got company.

Does that mean we're finished for the night? It does. There is nothing now but

flight of stairs between oven and gin and dolly.

Oh. Oh, it's all right.

Angie's in reception.

Hey, listen.

What was wrong with Mrs. Lacey?

Vera Winifred? Nothing.

Well, what did she think was wrong with her?

Nothing. Then what did she want?

For a woman who's not a gossip...

And you won't believe me if I tell you.

Try me.

All you've got to do is sign your name.

I haven't got to do anything, Mrs. Croft, and I certainly haven't got to

that. Mrs. Mosscroft did.

Mrs. Richway.

Mrs. Mosscroft?

She's 93.

And partially sighted. I hope you told her what she was signing.

Oh, no, that might have confused her.

She might be like me, Mrs Cross. She might approve of a hostel for unmarried

mother. Mrs Pry, not in front of Brenda, please.

Why not?

Because she's not a married woman.

Well, married or not, she must know the facts of life.

How?

Well... That child is as innocent as the day the stock first brought her.

You don't know what you're missing, Brenda?

I'm sorry, Mrs Cross, I'm not signing that.

You're not?

No, I'm not.

Well, that's your prerogative, of course. But I'll tell you this, there's

who will sign it. Oh, who? Go on, who?

Every respectable woman in the village, that's who.

There. Go, Miss Tristan. Go, Miss Tristan. Oh, Miss Tristan. What's going

here?

Oh, it's you, Mrs Cross.

Good evening, Doctor.

Mrs Lee. Good evening, Mrs Cross.

Hello, Brenda.

Feeling better, love? She was never poorly, were you, Brenda?

Now, my petition.

What petition?

Read, sign and return, please, Doctor.

Well, I'll certainly read.

You didn't let much grass grow, did you? I shut up shop to write that out.

Would you like to put yourself under Mrs. Mosscroft, Doctor?

No, thank you.

Or on top of Mrs. Lacey.

There's plenty of room.

Mrs. Lacey? Oh, that must be Marjorie Agnes. No, Vera Winifred. Let's have a

look.

She's right.

V .W.

Lacey.

She's all for the hostel. She wants to work there.

She what?

She's just asked me to put in a word for her. Well, if I'd known that, I'd never

have signed a name for her.

Now, we all heard her say that.

And what's this?

Brenda Cross?

Well, that's a joke.

Why? I'll tell you later.

I'm sorry, Mrs Cross, I'm not signing that. None of us are. You're wasting

time here. I told her that.

So go home and put your processed peas back up.

I'm sure you'll find it very therapeutic.

As a matter of fact, I've had a run on those processed peas.

Ah, well, you might have now. They're only ten pence more than at test

Come, Brenda.

We'll fight the good fight elsewhere, having lost it here.

Mum! Not now, Brenda.

But, Mum!

I said not now, Brenda.

I can only say I'm very shocked.

I know that moral standards are falling all around us, but I had hoped in a

doctor's house... Now, just a minute, just a minute!

Ida! Not now, Angie.

Listen, goody two -shoes.

You've just confessed a forgery.

Ida, please!

I said not now, look. Look at Brenda!

Brenda? Isn't she a funny colour?

She is a bit.

Are you all right, Brenda?

Don't answer that, Brenda.

She's not your patient, you know.

Sorry. I thought she was.

She was.

I know she was, but she's not any more.

Come along, Gander.

No, no, my own.

Well, do something.

She's your patient.

He won't find anything wrong with her, you know.

Well, I'm sure I hope you're right, Mrs Cross, but we mustn't blind ourselves to

the facts, must we?

in the morning.

Yes.

Fainting in the evening.

Yes. Can't face brown and all the skirts need letting out.

Well? Well, what does that all suggest to you?

Glandula fever.

Glandula... Oh, Mrs Cross, Mrs Cross.

Right then, what did it all suggest to you?

Well, she...

Shane, am I glad to see you.

Would you go through, Mrs Cross?

Brenda would like to speak to you.

I hope you've not been upsetting the child.

Just go on through, will you?

Oh, boy.

Oh, girl, when's it been?

How did you know?

Oh, come on. I may not have a little black bag or a big brass plate, but I do

know when two and two make four months gone.

Excuse me, Dr Spock, five months gone.

Oh, well, we'll argue about that when the time comes.

Hey, didn't she say who the daddy was?

Well, she thinks.

Only thinks?

Only thinks.

Well, I've heard of still waters, but... Well, who does she only think?

The rubber man.

The what man?

He was here some time ago with a travelling circus.

He's a contortionist.

Is he?

And he bent poor Brenda to his will as a boy.

That's right.

Oh, my heart goes out to that poor Mrs Cross.

Do you realise she's going to be granny to a bendy toy?

Well, now, that's a point.

She might prefer one of the other contestants.

Well, then, did she say?

Oh, yeah, she said.

Three clowns, two acrobats... ..and the lion tamer.

Well, she's certainly got her money's worth.

No matter how much a ticket costs.

But I'm shocked, Shane. I am, I am shocked.

Well, go further, I'm shell -shocked, Shane.

That's nothing to what Mrs Cross will be.

Oh, I'd forgotten all about her.

Whatever will she say?

I've only one thing to say.

Yes? We must find this man in the purple mask who threw her in the bushes.

Oh.

That's how it happened, was it?

Brenda's told me everything, haven't you, Brenda?

Fancy that, Ida.

A man in a purple mask?

I know, I heard.

Oh, and Ringshaw Taylor, I love him in no time.

Brenda? What?

What I don't understand is, well, why didn't you tell anyone at the time? Oh,

didn't want to get anyone into trouble.

Pity the man in the iron mask didn't feel the same.

Pilburn mask?

I thought you said purple.

Pilbury purple.

Can we go home now, Mum?

Not yet, Brenda.

I'd rather we waited till it gets dark.

But, Mrs Cross, she's no more pregnant now than she was when you brought her

And you can't hide her away forever.

I can try.

I'd send her away if I had anywhere to send her. Oh, I'm not going to my Auntie

Maureen. No, you're not, because your Auntie Maureen won't have you.

Oh, the shame of it.

Mrs Cross, it's only a thought, but there are hostels for unmarried mothers.

You mean the house on the hill?

There are others, aren't there, Ida?

That's right, only further away.

And you'd arrange it for us? Of course.

After all I've said.

Oh, now you just forget about all you've said.

Nobody in this room will ever repeat it. We're all bound, you know, by the

hypocritical oath.

More tea, anyone?

More processed peas, Jane?

No, thanks.

You're very quiet.

I've been thinking.

Oh, yes?

About Brenda.

Eh, that poor little scrap.

Think I'll have some more.

It's a shame to waste them.

Well, what about Brenda?

It just dawned on me. Everything that's happened to her happened to you, didn't

it? Well, apart from three clowns, two acrobats and a lion tamer.

Not to mention a man in a purple mask.

Ah, she made him up.

Ah, I'm not so sure.

Anyway, go on.

Well, you were expecting a baby, weren't you?

Yeah. And you weren't married, were you?

No. So you were exactly the famous Brenda, weren't you?

A limp and samey to the shilling, indeed I was, no.

Well, there you were, all alone in the world with a baby on the way.

True. Can't have been easy.

Well, nothing worthwhile ever is.

Did you just pay me a compliment?

Only accidentally.

On purpose.

Eh, mummy's little shame.

Get off.

Sorry I'm late. I've been talking to Mrs. Cross.

Oh.

How is she? On top of the world.

What? Well, they've got it all worked out. When Brenda gets back... Minus one

baby? No, plus one baby.

Really? Why?

Because it'll be such a help in the shop.

six months old, eh?

But only last night. It was all the shame of it all.

Well, they've had time to think about it, haven't they?

Poor Brenda's going to have a tragic marriage.

But how can they possibly know that?

Her mother just told her.

Oh, I see.

She's going to marry, and it's heartbreaking, really.

This poor boy who's only got one week to live.

ought to be right in Dallas.

Well, ship that bag, love. I'll just get you lunch. Oh, I'd forgotten this. It's

presents for all of us from Mrs. Cross.

Oh, isn't that a nice shame?

None of it's pros left peed, no.

No, it isn't, unless she's sticking them out of the tin.

Yeah, and I wouldn't put that pasta help in the chopping thing.

Oh, that's one for you, Anne.

Yeah, that's yours. Shame, so this must be mine.

Hey, do you know, this is the first time since we've moved here that I've had a

present from a patient. I'll treasure this.

Well, we all will. Shall we open them now?

It's like Christmas morning, isn't it?

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