Original subtitles

What do you mean you've got no vans?

You're a removal firm.

You must have van.

No, I can't move on the 28th. Or the 30th. It must be the 29th.

Don't you worry.

I will find another firm.

But where?

There.

What's that?

Rubbish. I've started clearing cupboards.

Fine, but why have you brought it in here?

So you can fall over it.

I know you, Shane. Unless you do fall over it, you'll never stir your stumps

take it to the tip.

I'll take it now, if you like. Oh, that's a good boy, I do like. There's

more bags in the hall.

Oh, and on the way back, will you do me a favour?

Get the more bin bags.

No, that's not what I was going to... Mind you... I could do with a dozen.

No, what I was going to say was... I know what you were going to say.

What? Will I go and see my other mother?

Well, I think you ought to, Shane.

I mean, you keep putting it off, and it's not fair to the poor woman. I've

myself in her place, you know. And honestly, Shane, if I were to find out

anybody but you that you were selling this flat and going to live it... Oh, I

think my heart would break.

I know you're right. It's just I don't know how to tell her.

Well, you told me.

Yeah, but you're coming with me.

No, that's true.

And you took it badly enough.

I did no such thing. I took it very well.

Heidi, you didn't speak for three days.

I had a sore throat.

All right, I'll buy that. You had a sore throat. What do you think my other

mother will have? A heart attack.

So break it very, very gently, if you want her to live.

Perhaps I'll just write her a letter.

Shane, she's your mummy, not your bank manager.

I'll tell you what.

Practice on me. Come on, put that down. Stay there.

Right, now then, pretend I'm her.

I'll have a go.

Mum, I'm sorry I haven't been round for a bit, but... Oh, it's no good. You

don't look like her.

Now, this is no time for compliments.

Mind you, I see what you mean.

I know.

I'll wear a hat.

Oh, it's lovely and warm.

Right. Now, I'm her.

Sheen. I mean, Robert.

What a delightful surprise.

You haven't been round for... How long's it been?

About four weeks.

Oh, you ought to be ashamed of yourself.

Anyway, go on. Break it to her.

Oh, I know.

Hey, Mum, guess what?

What? What? What, what, what? You see, she's panicking already.

No, she's not.

Mother, I have the most super job.

Oh, how splendid, dear. Where?

Yorkshire.

Ida, are you all right?

I am, but she's not. You call that breaking it gently?

How did you break it to Wilfred?

Ah, well, you see, the problem with Wilfred is... Is?

Do you mean you haven't told him yet?

No, I don't know how.

Well, all right, I'll be Wilfred. Have a go.

Well, oh, dear, let's see.

We see you don't look like Wilfred.

I bet I can sound like him.

Hello, our Ida.

Hello, our Shane.

He doesn't talk like that.

He does, you know.

Any chance of another drink, our Shane?

I'll thank you to show a bit of respect.

He might be a rough diamond, but he is our own flesh and blood.

I've been going through my wardrobe and, um... Ida?

What, love?

Why have you got a tea cozy on your head?

Oh, I've forgotten all about that.

She was pretending to be my mother.

But she is your mother.

Oh, I mean my other mother.

Yes, and he was telling me about... Well, he was telling her about us going

Yorkshire. How did she take it? She had a heart attack.

Well, I have it for her. It was a shock, you see.

Mind you, she's getting over it now, but, ooh, ooh, it was a shock.

Now, try to break it gently, Ange. Ooh!

Do you know what I think? I think we should get Wilfred to tell her, because

does like Wilfred. Wilfred doesn't know, Ange.

What? Oh, Ida, haven't you told him? No.

He can't tell his mother, and I can't tell my brother.

Any minute now, they won't need telling. They'll see that the sale notice, won't

they? Angie!

I know.

Why don't we all tell both of them?

Eh? Well, let's take them out to dinner. Give them a really super meal, get them

tanked up, and then... Just a minute.

Who's paying for all this?

I will, gladly. It's a great idea, Ange. I'll book a table. You will do no such

thing, book a table, indeed.

What's wrong with me cooking us all a super meal?

Well, nothing but... Won't it be a lot of work?

Yes.

And already, I'm sorry, I suppose.

Help, won't we, Robert? Of course we will. Ida, rely on us.

We'll help you, won't we, Robert?

Of course we will.

Ida, you can rely on us.

Ha, ha, ha.

Ida, something smells good.

Roast lamb with rosemary insert.

Wow. These are starters.

Prawns must... And before you ask, it's blackcurrant cheesecake for pudding.

Ida, that's brilliant. You've done all of her favourite things. Not that it'll

do her any good. It will turn to ashes in her mouth, poor soul.

Drinks for the workers.

Oh, I can't manage all three.

We helped.

When? That must have been out of the room.

Ida's done all your mother's favourite things, Robert.

Ah, what have you done for Wilfred?

Laid him a place.

Oh, aha, that touched the spot.

Right, now, when are you going to break it to them? Not until they've had plenty

of these.

No, I mean before the meal, after the meal or during the meal?

During, I think. Right, well, can you do it after the roast lamb and before the

cheesecake?

I suppose so, why?

Because the cheesecake will freeze and come in another time.

Choke me, Mrs Willis.

I'll have a bit.

I'll pour you a mite. Only a little bit.

A bit bigger than that.

It's only 200 miles, Mother.

Only? And you'll be able to come and stay, won't you, Ida, for long weekends?

How long?

Yes, of course. When we get settled, we'll go together on the coach.

Coach? Well, our train.

You've got your OAP card, haven't you?

No, I have not.

Well, you should have. You've been paying in long enough.

That's quite nice, this. Have a bit more.

You're taking this very well, Wilfred.

Well, it'll hit me tomorrow.

My glass is empty, I say.

For the first time tonight.

You know, you were right about him.

He don't...

Like what?

Never mind.

I still don't understand why you're making this move.

Because I'm going into general practice, like I've always meant to.

But why Yorkshire? Why not? What's wrong with Yorkshire?

I'm sure it's perfectly pleasant.

You can bet on it.

I still think he's doing the wrong thing. By whom?

I'll never see you again, will I, Robert?

You're abandoning me. Oh, mother. Yes, mother.

The mother who took you in, unloved, unwanted.

If she says unwashed, she'll get this cheesecake.

He was spotless.

From his bonnet to his booties. And he was not unloved.

He was worshipped.

Mothers, please. It's all right for her. You're taking her with you.

Ah.

Me go, Mrs Willis. Yes, and me stay, Mrs Price.

But I'd have to sell my flat and leave my bridge club and give up my aerobics.

What about me?

You'll miss me, you know. All those little jobs I do for you.

I'm touching up a gloss at the moment.

Aren't I, Chuck?

Wife, you're fair.

So, we're back to you stay and me go.

When do you go? The 29th. If we're lucky.

What do you mean, if we're lucky? You start your job on the 30th.

I know I do.

Well, we move on the 29th, then. Yes, we can get someone to move it. I've been

all through the yellow pages.

They're all fully booked until after Easter.

Well, spring fever does things to the blood.

I'll be round tomorrow morning earlier.

Yes, sir.

Who did I have when I moved from Bushy?

To be near you.

Packard. They can't do anything until May.

Robert, this is awful.

What are we going to do?

Have you tried Charlie?

Charlie who?

Charlie who?

That's Princess Anne, Charlie who.

Go on, go on.

All right, what's her number? I'll give her a ring now.

She'd never have made it to Gatcombe without Charlie.

And Clint, of course.

Who's Clint?

Who's Clint?

Who's Keynes? Wilfred, I'm asking you. Who's Clint?

Well, he's Charlie's partner.

They're only the best removal men in London.

They're not in the Yellow Pages. That doesn't surprise me. Nor me.

Oh, they don't need to advertise.

Not with a clientele like theirs.

Are they on the phone?

Hang about.

Oh, give it to me.

Charlie and Clint.

I -class removal.

Now, what's the number?

It's 831 -94... Shane, you're not even considering it.

They're Wilfred's friends.

Very nice flat ear, sir and madam.

Very nice indeed.

Ain't that right, Clint?

What's that, two clicks for yes?

Don't you get the wrong idea about Clint, Doc? That boy's brighter than he

looks. He need to be.

Have you seen his hair?

Believe it or not, that boy's got a CSE in metalwork.

Pity he can't make himself a comb.

Look at him.

And he can vote.

It's brilliant.

Ida. Oh, all right.

Tell you what, madam.

How would you like to show Clint around the flat?

On me own?

Oh, he's all right, Ida.

All right? That boy's golden.

Golden. Well, it's got to be done, madam.

Well, why can't I show you round? No, I'm afraid not. Clint is my assessor,

I rely on him for me breakdown.

Yes, I can believe it.

All right, then. Where do you want to start?

I said, where do you want to... I'm not getting through.

Why don't you take him to your bedroom, show him what you've got?

Sorry.

Look, are you coming?

I'm the wrong generation for this.

First things first, when are you planning to move?

The 29th.

For this month? Yes. Oh, dear, oh, dear.

Oh, no, not you as well.

You've tried other removalists?

No, no, no, of course not.

Well, not since I heard about you.

Good, because you want to be careful, you know.

There's a lot of cowboys in this business.

Yes, I believe.

About the 29th.

Let's have another look in me book.

Lady Moody.

Now, I could postpone her, but the touch is a wigmore.

Well, for a friend of Wilfred's... I'm his nephew.

You never are.

I am.

Yeah, I can see the lightness.

OK, Doc, 20 night ditties. Thanks, Charlie. You won't be sorry. Neither

you, Doc.

Now, I suppose you want an estimate.

Oh, yes, please.

Oh, some people take me on trust.

Still, let's have a look at the mileage from here to, where again?

Yorkshire. It's a little village just on the outskirts of... I'm sorry to

interrupt, Shane, but I want a word with you.

And Clint, if I understand the clicks correctly, would like a word with you.

Fine, fine. Where is the lad?

He's measuring the window frames.

He doesn't think he's come to double -glaze me, does he?

I'll sort him out over enthusiasm. That's his problem.

Well, it's one of them.

Oh, shame.

It's OK, it's OK. Relax.

They can do us.

What do you mean, do us?

They can move us. Those two? Have you gone mad?

Oh, look, look, there's nobody else.

And they did move Princess Anne.

Never in the land of pigs, poor Dave.

I asked that Clint what he thought of Gatcombe, and he said, what label do

withhold?

Oh, send them packing, Shane. Give them a pound for the petrol and get shut of

them. They'll do all the packing.

All the china, all the glass.

That clint's going nowhere near my china, nor my glass.

Why, it could break cotton wool.

It's already had a knob off me chest of drawers.

But we're lucky to get them, and they won't let us down.

What time is it now?

Twenty past nine, and still no sign of them. They'll be here, they'll be here.

Then, you know, I know we shouldn't have trusted those two.

Oh, Ida, you're not being fair.

Look at all the hard work they did yesterday, all that packing and

That's true, Ida. And they didn't break anything, did they? Well, I don't know

till I've unpacked, do I?

An hour and 20 minutes I've been standing here. Where are you going?

Where do you think?

I'm sorry, but you can't. I'm sorry, but I must.

Why can't I? Because I've put bleach down.

I want it nice for the new people.

Oh, they've had that.

Trouble is, we're going to be so late getting there.

Getting there? Angie, we still have to leave here.

I'll tell you what I think. I think we've seen the last of those two.

copped the deposit and run.

You've never forgiven them, have you, for lying about Princess Anne?

Oh, I forgave them that long ago. I don't mind that. What gets me is seeing

arranged Churchill's funeral.

The good job they didn't, it'd still be lying in state.

It'll be Charlie, I'll go.

It'd better not be Charlie, there's no van.

Oh, you know, Angie, this is getting serious. The other people are moving in

12. Hello there.

Oh, no, what have I done to deserve this?

I've been good to the poor. I've been kind to old people.

What more do you want?

I have terrible news.

She's coming with us.

Your list's out of order.

Again. Oh, no. Today of all days. What will we do?

We won't do anything, Angie. We are not removal men.

Then what will Charlie and Clint do?

Well, they'll take the van round to the back. Then use the back stairs.

Look, there's no... problem. A few flights of stairs never armed anyone.

Did Mum tell you?

About the lick? Yeah.

Oh, for heaven's sake, resuscitate him.

God help Charlie.

If he ever gets here.

Is he late?

A little bit. A little bit? An hour and a half?

British workmen. Are the best in the world. Why is he late?

Well, he might have gone to give some blood, you never know.

Gone to give some blood? Well, he's a very rare groupist, Charlie.

Yeah, blue, ever since he moved Princess Anne.

I'll drink to that.

You what?

Well, moving's thirsty work.

How would you know you haven't moved a muscle since you got here?

Perhaps you'd like a cup of tea?

I'm not ill.

Oh, all right, go on. Oh, thank gosh, yeah.

That'll be then. I'll let them in, and I'll break it to them gently about the

lift. I think they'll already know, Ant, unless they flew up.

Oh, yes.

Oh, well, this looks like it, then. We're on our way.

Now look what you've done.

It's all right with you. You won't be alone.

Neither will you. You'll still have me.

She may well still have all of us. I'll believe this move when I see it. Here we

are.

Same about the lift, innit? Yes, and it was working at eight o 'clock.

Pity you weren't. Where have you been?

St. Bartholomew's, madam.

And where have you been moving him to?

Oh, you were giving blood. Wilfred said you might be.

I wish I had been, Doc. No, I was waiting for Clint, weren't I, boy?

To come out of X -ray.

X -ray? What's he done?

Go on, Clint, tell the Doc.

I've put my back out.

I don't believe it.

How did you do it? Go on, Clint, tell the little lady how you did it.

The Keith Harrison all -vilver.

I was limbo dancing.

He was what?

Limbo dancing, you know.

Oh, isn't he good?

Isn't he?

Oh!

I can see how you did it, Clint.

No, I didn't. Good night, Charlie. You did, son, you did.

No wonder you put your back out.

Just a minute.

If you've put your back out... I know I have.

I've got a certificate.

Then you can't lift, can you?

That's what it says on my certificate.

I knew we'd end up moving ourselves.

Well, Fred...

Since we're all girls together... What?

What? One for you, one for you, and one for me.

Cheers. Cheers.

Try not to let it be too long before you come over.

You'll have to shout, lad. He's got his worthless arm. Clint!

How's the back? Any better?

See?

Nothing to worry about.

Everything's packed. Everything's packed.

They did a marvellous job.

You mean we did?

Next time we move, I'll have a certificate.

I don't think so, no. I think I will, though, just for a minute.

Whatever for?

Well... I think you'd better go with her, Ange. She'd rather have you.

We'll both go.

Are you all right, Ida?

I think I'll just go and check the cupboard.

Do something.

Don't be upset, Ida. I'm not. I'm just being silly.

You'll like it. Look at the country.

Will I?

Oh, of course I will when I get used to it.

You said you were looking forward to it. All that fresh air, green fields, new

-laid eggs. There will be a supermarket, won't there?

If there isn't, I'll build you one.

Oh, you would too, wouldn't you?

Well, you do enough for me. You're only moving because of me, aren't you? Well,

can you think of a better reason?

Oh, I don't.

Oh, shame.

What?

Anne, what's the matter?

Everything's stacked.

You and your marvelous job.

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