Original subtitles

My boy.

Yes, enjoy yourself, love.

Do I look all right?

Hmm, great.

You know, I could write for television.

Just finding time to sit down and... I'm a bit worried about this shirt.

Why, what's wrong with it?

Oh, very funny.

Auntie. What?

Look at you, beloved.

Why aren't you dressed?

Well, do I have to go out?

Look at his little face.

Never mind his little face. Yes, you do have to go out. You said you'd go and

you're going.

I don't feel very well.

Oh, Robert, grow up.

Angie, perhaps he doesn't feel very well. Come over here, love. Let mummy

your forehead.

Thanks, aunt.

Oh, Angie, you can't feel well. He's letting me touch him.

Oh, dear.

What? I'm sorry, love, but you're not hot.

There's nothing wrong with me. I'm afraid not.

I suppose I'll have to go then.

I wouldn't mind, but he's not going to his own execution.

You said you'd meet the lads at eight and you'll meet them at eight.

They'll have a job. It's quarter past.

What? Come on. Where are we going?

Bedroom. Oh.

You too, Ida.

Oh.

Oh.

I don't see why I have to go out.

Well, we do.

What's so important about meeting the boys for a drink? I'll tell you. Give

a tie, Ida. Yes, miss.

You never want to go anywhere these days, do you? Don't I?

No, you don't, and why not?

Perhaps because I'm happy here at home.

Eh, bless his little cotton socks.

Socks.

How old are you, Robert?

28. Then stop behaving like an old man of 58. Go out and enjoy your...

it, would you?

Get drunk.

Do something silly.

Like what?

Oh, jump in a fountain.

What for?

Fun. Getting to be so boring and predictable. You've got to break out,

for both our fakes.

Well, there's a fountain in the park, but I think they close the gates at

Then you'll have to climb over the railings, won't you? Come on, slip this

Hey, oh, lovely.

Your mummy's proud of you.

Oh, Auntie, look at his hair. What's wrong with it? It's all sticking up at

back. Oh, that's because she made me wash it. Where's a comb?

It's OK, this'll do it. Oh, what was that?

Fair spray.

What did you think it was, Auntie Mate?

Smells like scent.

Well, they're all a bit scented, aren't they? Oh, it's nice, Shane.

You smell like a country garden.

I smell like a poof.

Angie with you to prove that you're not.

Oh, no. He's going on his own to enjoy himself thoroughly.

So no coming home early, right?

All right.

Bye, Ida.

Bye -bye, love.

He didn't kiss you goodbye.

That's all right. He'll be back. He forgot to put his trousers on as well.

He did.

Oh, well.

It'll be less to get wet when he jumps in the fountain.

I forgot something, didn't I?

Bye, darling.

Another cup

of cocoa?

Oh, only half a cup. And don't let me eat any more of those chocolate

I can't, love. You've finished the packet.

Have I? Oh, don't look so guilty.

I'll bet Shane's not saying no too much tonight.

I hope you're right, but I bet you're wrong.

You are down on him tonight.

And, well, you know, he has his good points. Such as?

Er, let me see.

Well, he doesn't smoke. He hardly drinks.

I'm sure he doesn't gamble, and I'm certain he never looks at other women.

Yeah, you're right about him being boring.

Mind you... Is it surprising? I mean, look who brought him up.

Oh, her.

Yes, her.

She's a real old cow, isn't she?

Old cow? She's a ripe pain in the... Do you know, Angie,

sometimes at night when I can't sleep, I lie in bed fairly longing to pick up

the phone, dial her number and shout a rude word.

What rude word?

No,

I did a terrible thing when I gave my shame to that woman.

I mean, what sort of life can he have had?

Oh, don't. I'm sorry I made him go out now.

Oh, no, no, don't be. It's time he had some fun.

He will be having fun, won't he? After what you said, he wouldn't dare not.

All by yourself tonight, are you?

Yes. Yes, I am.

Funny. So am I.

Oh.

I was just thinking of getting myself another drink.

So why don't I?

How's Tex?

Oh, don't talk. It's like a morgue in here tonight.

I mean, just have a look at him.

Who? Him. Dead, but he won't lie down.

Well, not with me, he won't.

That's our Shane.

Hello, Shane. What are you doing here?

Oh, hello, Wilfred. I'm having a drink with the boys.

Oh.

How do you do?

Any friend of Shane's? What boys?

They've gone home to their wives.

Why don't you go home to yours?

I can't. Not until I've had some fun. Fun?

Angie says I'm dull and boring and I'm not to go home until I've had some fun.

Well, you've come to the right shop.

You played your cards right with young Lucy there. I don't think Angie meant

that kind of fun. Oh, that's a pity. I could recommend young Lucy. She said

something about jumping in a fountain.

Well, that's not my idea of fun.

Shall I tell you what it is?

Same again, Albert.

What do you smell of?

What's he doing, Ida? He's never been out this late before.

Well, perhaps he's doing as he was told.

Perhaps he's having fun.

Oh, one o 'clock in the morning?

What time do the pubs close?

Oh, it's a long time since my last port and lemon, but it used to be 10 .30.

Then where is he?

Well, perhaps they've gone on somewhere for a...

Curry or something.

It's your something that worries me.

Angie, you told me yourself that you'd known him for six weeks before he... You

know.

Only because I kept saying no.

What if he's met someone that said yes?

You're making it up as you go along.

You're boxing at shadows.

I think he'll just ring round the hospitals.

Of course I don't think he's had an accident, but, well, someone might have

one. Who?

Oh, I don't know, do I? Someone. Perhaps someone's having a baby and he's

lending a hand, or perhaps a toddler's pushed a marble up its nose, or... Now

he's making it up as they go along.

I bet I know where he might be.

In someone's flat, having a French lesson.

Having it.

How much money has he got?

I don't know. How much would it cost?

Well... At least... I don't know! Do I?

No, I was going to say that it's perfectly probable that he's dropped in

other mother.

On her?

Yes, her.

But why?

Well, you told him not to come back early.

And where else would he go on a wet night?

Better her than a French mistress, surely.

Yeah, I'll bet that's where he'll be, with his other mother.

Why don't I ring her up?

What? At one o 'clock in the morning, she won't be pleased.

I'm not afraid of her.

You'll do it better than me.

Don't bet on it.

Mrs Price, dear, how are you?

Well, Ida.

Ida Willis.

She knew it was me.

I was just hoping that I'm not being a nuisance.

Well, I'm very sorry, I'm sure.

But I was just wondering if I could have a word with our son.

She hates me saying that.

Is not?

Oh! Well,

yes. Yes, he is out.

Well, no, we don't know where he is.

Well, yes, it is very late.

Oh, no, no, no, Miss... No, don't do that, Mrs Price.

Well, no, I'd really rather you didn't.

Because it's a very wet night and you'd never be able to get a taxi.

And even if you could get a taxi, it'd cost the earth, so... Miss Price... Mrs

Price...

Angie, she is his other mother, and she'll be just as anxious as we are.

Oh, 12 and a half minutes. She must have come on a broomstick.

Let's not let her in.

Now, Angie, remember what I said. She'll be just as anxious as we are, poor

soul. Oh, plumb those cushions up. Her eyes will be everywhere.

Oh, patience.

Careful, Ida.

She'll be just as...

you are.

Is he back?

Mrs. Price. Is he back?

Well, yes or no? The thing is... Oh, excuse me. The thing is, I was going to

to be nice to you, but if that's going to be your attitude, I'd rather kick you

up the... Mrs. Price, dear.

You can find your own way, can you?

I hope that isn't alcoholic, Angela.

Only a bit. Only a bit?

It's four -star brandy.

Yes, and if the shops were open, I'd be out there now buying ten star.

Oh, sit down and have a drop.

No, thank you.

Well, sit down anyway.

Would you like a cup of tea? I can soon put the kettle on. Or perhaps you'd

rather have a cup of... Mrs Willis, this is not a social call.

No, yours never are, are they?

Well, what sort of call is it exactly?

Apart from unwelcome.

Shall we cut the cackle and get to the horses?

I never... I thought I'd hear that said out loud.

What does it mean?

Where is Robert? Where is my boy?

Why don't you ask me, Mother? I am his wife.

Good girl.

And a fine wife you make him.

What's that supposed to mean?

He isn't here, is he?

I do allow him out, you know. I allowed him out too when he lived with me. The

difference being I always knew where he was.

That's what she thinks. Which is why I'm in a position... What do you mean?

Do you remember that weekend he went to Holland with the squash club?

Yes. He was in Paris with me.

But you weren't married.

I know.

I'm sorry it's only four stars.

Thank you.

May I have another?

started something now.

Mrs. Willis, they had a white wedding.

Well, better that than powder blue and tell the world.

I was married in powder blue.

Look on the bright side.

Price residence. To whom am I speaking to, please?

What?

What?

What? Who is it? What happened? Just a minute.

It's our Maureen. You remember Maureen, don't you? Our Wilfred's eldest.

Hello, Maureen. You were saying?

Well, yes, of course. I'm sure I know where my duty lies.

Oh, she's in terrible trouble, poor soul. I'll have to go to her. Well, as

as I can and try to be brave until I get there.

Bye -bye, Maureen.

Bye.

Lovely girl, Maureen.

Here, Mike.

What?

Do I look like a Maureen to you?

No.

Thank God for that.

Maura Daphne, I'd say.

If you wasn't holding that tray.

Oh, please, he put it down.

Don't bother. That tea for us, is it?

No, Dave.

We're too good to iron trunks, we are.

Yeah, I know.

Oh, well.

Bye, Daphne.

Hang on a minute.

I'll bring the tea.

How do you know?

I've been here before.

I'll pass one on the dot.

Wasn't warm. Tastes like cat's pee.

Do you think they'll charge us?

What for?

There's nothing wrong with jumping in a fountain.

It did make a lot of noise.

Yeah, well, that was very cold water.

It was a shock to me system.

Oh, hello, Mike.

Hello, Wilf. Here's your tea.

And here are your trousers.

Try as we can get them.

To honour this gentleman.

Oh, I'll do the honours.

Constable Tackle, my nephew, Shane.

Our Shane's a doctor.

Oh, good.

Then you'll know what to give yourself tomorrow, then, won't you?

What for?

That headache you're going to have.

Will we be charged?

Afraid so, Doctor.

Oh, God.

Tenp each for the tea.

He will have his little joke.

Now, you'll be going home in a minute. Thank you. Thank you very much.

Just don't let me catch you frequenting that fountain again.

Oh, we did just jump in. I hope that's true.

Could help you if the goldfish die.

Can I help you, madam?

Yes, I'm afraid you can.

You rang me about my brother and my son.

Oh, yes.

You're the lady who keeps calling me Maury.

I'm sorry about that, love.

Yes, I'm sure you are, but why did you do it? Do what?

Well, call me Maureen.

Oh, well, that was the first name I could think of. No, no, that's not what

really meant. No, well, what's your other name? Just so I'll know another

William. It never is.

Hey, I'd never have had you down for a William.

More of a... Don't say Daphne.

Now, would I?

Well, you said Maureen. Oh, well, I have to think of something quickly.

You see, my son's mother was just by the phone. And if she found out that I

was... No, hang on, hang on, hang on.

You said that you were his mother.

I am.

Only, well, fair's fair.

So is she.

She? His other mother.

You mean he's got two mothers?

Well, there's no law against it.

Well, there ought to be. No wonder he drinks.

Oh, there you are. Petch him in, would you?

I'm afraid they haven't quite finished drinking their tea yet.

Oh, dear.

I've told you before, this ain't the entrance. Now, fetch him in!

Sorry, Daphne.

Now look what you've done. I'm ever so sorry.

That's all right, love. We can do with a bit of light relief around here.

Yes, I believe you.

So, you're not going to press charges?

Oh, no.

We pressed their trousers.

No, no, I think they've learnt their lesson. Well, I think one of them has.

Oh, she's here.

Hello, our Ida.

Hello, Ida.

Hello, Wilfred.

Hello, Shane.

It's just like old times, isn't it?

You collecting me from the nick.

It is, isn't it? Oh, how it takes me back.

Just to... Just move your face a little to the left. Is there something on me

neck?

I always

fall for that.

This side or this side?

Neither. There's no justice.

Oh, yes, there is. His other mother's waiting for him at home.

She's not.

She is.

Oh, no.

I have to go.

Are you feeling any better, darling?

I will do soon.

Would you like another cup of coffee?

Oh, yes, please.

I'll pour it. You change it, Flannel.

Well, really, I've heard of tea and sympathy, but this is too much.

You do realise if this reaches the ears of the Bridge Club, I shall be

considered persona non grata?

Well, you've got a British passport.

I mean, I should be ostracised, sent to Coventry. I've met that lot at your

bridge club and he's done you a favour.

I'll never be able to hold my head up in this town again.

Well, let it hang down, then.

All the lads did was have one too many.

Ah, but you know what they say.

Oh, here we go.

What do they say?

One too many and a thousand not enough.

May I remind you of something?

What? That's your fourth brandy.

It's her sixth. She had two more while you were out.

And I needed them after what I heard tonight.

Oh, what did you hear?

I told her about that weekend in Paris.

Oh, which one?

Which one?

Which one? Do you mean to tell me that... Please don't shout.

I don't feel very well.

You don't deserve to feel well. You go out on a drunken orgy with that

little man... Could she possibly mean Wilfred?

Yes, she could.

And when you come home, you're treated like a conquering hero.

I'll tell you this.

If I were your wife... Well, you're not. I am. And I'll thank you to shut up.

Angela! Shut up!

Come on, darling, I'm taking you to bed.

Oh, that's the nicest thing anyone said to me all day.

Good night, mothers.

Angela doesn't care for me, does she?

Well... Shall I open another bottle of this?

I don't understand where I went wrong.

With her?

Yes. I will open another bottle.

Well, perhaps she feels that you're not very fond of her.

But I'm devoted.

Totally devoted.

Well, you've got a funny way of showing it. Are you really going to wear that

dress? Such a pity you never learned to cook.

Oh, is that lipstick what they're wearing now?

Do I really sound as critical as that? I'm afraid you do.

But that's dreadful.

I'm afraid you are.

I'm afraid it is.

Why have you never told me this before?

Because you've never had six brandies before.

Yes? I've been thinking, dear, since you and Robert seem so fond of Paris,

perhaps you'd care to have another weekend on me.

Why? Because she's very fond of you both, aren't you, Mrs. Price?

And she wants you to have a nice time, don't you, Mrs. Price?

Yes. So, just say thank you very much and then go back to bed.

Thank you very much.

Good night, dear.

Good night.

How was that?

Very good, for a start.

I shall need your help. And you shall have it, my dog.

Where's your glass?

I've never been to Paris.

Well, neither have I.

Like so much else, I've left it too late.

Nonsense!

Who'd go to Paris with an old bag? Like me.

An old bag like me.

What are you doing, At least?

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