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1
00:00:01,580 --> 00:00:03,140
What about top three breasts?
2
00:00:03,141 --> 00:00:04,779
Don't they normally come in two?
3
00:00:04,780 --> 00:00:06,120
Top three pairs of breasts.
4
00:00:06,320 --> 00:00:07,980
Done it. Have we? Several times.
5
00:00:08,760 --> 00:00:12,250
Top three cartoon characters. No way
have we done cartoon characters.
6
00:00:12,251 --> 00:00:16,238
Yours a Hong Kong phooey because he's a
dog martial arts expert. Fat dog Mendoza
7
00:00:16,239 --> 00:00:17,319
because he's a fat dog.
8
00:00:17,440 --> 00:00:20,340
Muttley because he's a dog. A wheezing
dog.
9
00:00:21,100 --> 00:00:25,640
Lindsay's a foghorn, leghorn, Shrek.
Shrek's a film star. Still a cartoon.
10
00:00:25,860 --> 00:00:27,120
We even had a tiger. Did we?
11
00:00:27,380 --> 00:00:28,940
Followed by this conversation.
12
00:00:29,710 --> 00:00:31,850
We don't know top three anything.
13
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That's because we don't give a fuck.
14
00:00:33,490 --> 00:00:34,909
What do you want to know, top three
films?
15
00:00:34,910 --> 00:00:38,410
No. Goodbye, Mr. Chip. I've got a donut
version.
16
00:00:40,350 --> 00:00:45,670
Urban classic, Danger Spice, and Prime
of Miss Jean Brody.
17
00:00:45,970 --> 00:00:47,230
They're all about future.
18
00:00:47,510 --> 00:00:50,490
So, about unconventional inspirational
features.
19
00:00:51,010 --> 00:00:53,000
Yep. You don't see any disparity in
that.
20
00:00:54,850 --> 00:00:55,900
It's shut.
21
00:00:56,310 --> 00:00:58,870
Oh, God, I'm fucking stuck.
22
00:00:59,560 --> 00:01:00,700
What are we going to do?
23
00:01:00,940 --> 00:01:01,990
Go somewhere else?
24
00:01:01,991 --> 00:01:03,499
Oh, yeah.
25
00:01:03,500 --> 00:01:05,960
To Sir We Love Now. That was a film.
26
00:01:06,320 --> 00:01:07,420
Yeah, a shit film.
27
00:01:07,740 --> 00:01:09,420
What do you know about it, fat sir?
28
00:01:09,720 --> 00:01:12,260
I know that it's a load of sentimental
bollocks.
29
00:01:12,560 --> 00:01:16,260
I totally ignore the fact that kids hate
teachers and teachers hate kids.
30
00:01:16,920 --> 00:01:18,080
I don't hate the kids.
31
00:01:18,420 --> 00:01:20,470
They hate you, so you might as well
start.
32
00:02:11,171 --> 00:02:14,749
Cheapest night out I've had in years.
33
00:02:14,750 --> 00:02:16,250
Same time, same bench tonight.
34
00:02:16,570 --> 00:02:18,860
Can you all sign this card for Carol,
please?
35
00:02:19,050 --> 00:02:20,100
Is it her birthday?
36
00:02:20,830 --> 00:02:21,880
Carol's had her baby.
37
00:02:22,050 --> 00:02:25,670
No. Her mother died and I thought this
card might cheer her up.
38
00:02:25,930 --> 00:02:29,240
What does the baby look like? Don't you
mean who does it look like?
39
00:02:30,751 --> 00:02:33,589
It's not going to look like me.
40
00:02:33,590 --> 00:02:34,670
Let's fucking open up.
41
00:02:35,230 --> 00:02:36,730
Can you give us any clues, Liz?
42
00:02:36,890 --> 00:02:37,940
How should I know?
43
00:02:38,110 --> 00:02:39,310
Haven't you seen it yet?
44
00:02:39,311 --> 00:02:42,809
What do you have to do when you see
someone's baby for the first time?
45
00:02:42,810 --> 00:02:43,860
Say a nice thing.
46
00:02:44,310 --> 00:02:45,810
Exactly. She's got a point.
47
00:02:45,811 --> 00:02:49,209
With the gene pools you've got to choose
from, chances are it's not going to win
48
00:02:49,210 --> 00:02:50,029
any prizes.
49
00:02:50,030 --> 00:02:51,790
Oh, it'll be fucking hideous.
50
00:02:52,030 --> 00:02:53,080
Oi, do you mind?
51
00:02:53,090 --> 00:02:54,590
I thought it couldn't be yours.
52
00:02:54,730 --> 00:02:56,530
I've still no way to talk about a baby.
53
00:02:57,610 --> 00:02:58,660
See you in Carol.
54
00:02:58,710 --> 00:03:01,890
Then you can go and see it. No fucking
way. It might be the bomb.
55
00:03:05,030 --> 00:03:06,890
Citizenship. I thought it'd be good.
56
00:03:06,891 --> 00:03:10,479
to give this new initiative a little
extra emphasis this term.
57
00:03:10,480 --> 00:03:15,060
We're the students' teachers, but we're
also their mentors, their role models.
58
00:03:18,740 --> 00:03:22,110
And we have to remember that some
students do look to us for support.
59
00:03:22,111 --> 00:03:26,959
There's also a legal requirement to
cover citizenship, and if I feel it's
60
00:03:26,960 --> 00:03:30,450
being done, I'll have no option but to
introduce compulsory lessons.
61
00:03:31,960 --> 00:03:34,220
Liz also has a card for you all to sign.
62
00:03:35,300 --> 00:03:36,520
What does Carol have?
63
00:03:37,100 --> 00:03:38,380
A baby, I believe.
64
00:03:38,940 --> 00:03:41,060
Lindsay, word in my office, please.
65
00:03:41,331 --> 00:03:48,339
I've had a number of complaints from
students saying that you've been rude
66
00:03:48,340 --> 00:03:49,390
aggressive.
67
00:03:49,420 --> 00:03:52,140
Who said that? It doesn't matter. It
matters to me.
68
00:03:55,140 --> 00:03:58,510
Teaching isn't only about ticking boxes
and getting exam results.
69
00:03:59,020 --> 00:04:00,070
Isn't it?
70
00:04:00,280 --> 00:04:01,330
No, it isn't.
71
00:04:02,080 --> 00:04:05,580
As I said this morning, it's about...
being...
72
00:04:06,110 --> 00:04:07,160
A good role model.
73
00:04:08,710 --> 00:04:11,810
And... Something else.
74
00:04:14,061 --> 00:04:15,589
So...
75
00:04:15,590 --> 00:04:22,529
Is that
76
00:04:22,530 --> 00:04:23,580
it? Sorry?
77
00:04:24,150 --> 00:04:25,200
Is that it?
78
00:04:26,130 --> 00:04:27,530
Did I mention role models?
79
00:04:28,490 --> 00:04:29,850
Yep. Then that's it.
80
00:04:33,100 --> 00:04:39,260
I'm a bit confused about exactly what
you're asking me to do. Just... be
81
00:04:45,300 --> 00:04:49,880
OK. Which one of you lot ran whining to
Mrs Hunter about me?
82
00:04:50,300 --> 00:04:51,350
Hmm?
83
00:04:51,351 --> 00:04:54,699
Let's just get one thing straight, shall
we?
84
00:04:54,700 --> 00:04:57,060
I am not rude and aggressive.
85
00:04:57,580 --> 00:04:59,400
I'm firm and committed.
86
00:05:00,020 --> 00:05:01,070
Understand?
87
00:05:04,750 --> 00:05:07,400
Right. Hands up anyone here who's not
feeling valued.
88
00:05:08,670 --> 00:05:09,870
Thought of another one?
89
00:05:09,871 --> 00:05:11,309
Another what?
90
00:05:11,310 --> 00:05:14,020
Phil, I can't believe I missed this one.
It's a classic.
91
00:05:14,450 --> 00:05:18,470
I'll have to drop Gene Brodie off the
top three and add dead poet society.
92
00:05:19,190 --> 00:05:23,449
Robin Williams takes a bunch of
emotionally oppressed public school boys
93
00:05:23,450 --> 00:05:27,669
helps them to realise potential they
never knew they had. And how does he do
94
00:05:27,670 --> 00:05:29,890
that? Oh, he inspires them.
95
00:05:29,891 --> 00:05:32,249
Well, that's obviously where you're
going wrong, isn't it?
96
00:05:32,250 --> 00:05:33,300
lack of inspiration.
97
00:05:33,650 --> 00:05:34,910
Oh, shit, that must be it.
98
00:05:35,410 --> 00:05:39,130
What a shame I have no intention of
taking any notice of either you or
99
00:05:39,350 --> 00:05:43,080
Well, I'm only trying to help. I mean,
were you never inspired by a teacher?
100
00:05:43,410 --> 00:05:47,709
Oh, my old English teacher, Dr Dobson,
he was the first person to really
101
00:05:47,710 --> 00:05:50,650
me to get me to use my imagination.
102
00:05:51,390 --> 00:05:52,790
Bob wants to see you again.
103
00:05:53,410 --> 00:05:54,870
Now? No.
104
00:05:55,590 --> 00:05:59,469
I'm sure when she came storming up to my
desk saying, I want to see Lindsay in
105
00:05:59,470 --> 00:06:02,750
my office immediately, she really
meant... In her own time.
106
00:06:05,010 --> 00:06:10,290
We all loved Jackie Docter. I mean, we'd
have done anything for him.
107
00:06:10,790 --> 00:06:14,890
Anything. I mean, we'd probably have
laid down our lives for him.
108
00:06:16,210 --> 00:06:17,990
I'm filling up.
109
00:06:18,510 --> 00:06:19,560
So?
110
00:06:22,410 --> 00:06:23,460
What?
111
00:06:24,150 --> 00:06:25,370
You asked to see me.
112
00:06:26,050 --> 00:06:27,100
Did I?
113
00:06:27,101 --> 00:06:33,879
Your class have reported that you were
rude and aggressive when you were
114
00:06:33,880 --> 00:06:37,079
grilling them about whether they found
you rude and aggressive.
115
00:06:37,080 --> 00:06:39,000
This is a verbal warning, understand?
116
00:06:40,400 --> 00:06:42,020
I don't want any more complaints.
117
00:06:42,400 --> 00:06:45,800
In fact, I want glowing reports from
happy, fulfilled children.
118
00:06:46,160 --> 00:06:49,880
If not, you receive a written warning,
followed by dismissal. OK?
119
00:06:52,500 --> 00:06:53,800
That's it. Thank you.
120
00:07:05,570 --> 00:07:06,620
Is it?
121
00:07:08,350 --> 00:07:09,750
I'm late for something.
122
00:07:10,130 --> 00:07:11,270
What's going on?
123
00:07:15,450 --> 00:07:16,500
Back.
124
00:07:18,150 --> 00:07:19,310
Work. What?
125
00:07:19,910 --> 00:07:21,090
Mad woman.
126
00:07:21,790 --> 00:07:25,990
Work. Don't worry, Claire. I'll sort
this out. Excellent.
127
00:07:26,910 --> 00:07:28,950
First sign of any disruption.
128
00:07:36,200 --> 00:07:37,250
What am I going to do?
129
00:07:37,640 --> 00:07:39,020
Jump before you bust.
130
00:07:39,300 --> 00:07:42,550
None of Robin Williams' pupils would
have complained about him.
131
00:07:42,640 --> 00:07:46,380
And at my school, none of us kids would
have grasped up Jackie Thompson.
132
00:07:47,460 --> 00:07:53,059
We'd rather have taken a beating or had
our tongues cut out, our arms hacked
133
00:07:53,060 --> 00:07:54,110
off.
134
00:07:55,000 --> 00:07:56,050
I'm sorry.
135
00:07:56,860 --> 00:08:00,499
Why don't you call in sick for a few
days, put her down to illness, let the
136
00:08:00,500 --> 00:08:01,519
whole thing blow over.
137
00:08:01,520 --> 00:08:03,260
And then get sacked for negligence.
138
00:08:03,261 --> 00:08:07,339
You could always apologise to your
class, cry a bit and tell them you've
139
00:08:07,340 --> 00:08:08,480
few domestic problems.
140
00:08:08,640 --> 00:08:09,780
I fucking couldn't.
141
00:08:10,700 --> 00:08:13,230
Pretend it didn't happen, it'll probably
go away.
142
00:08:13,360 --> 00:08:14,410
And if it doesn't?
143
00:08:14,920 --> 00:08:16,000
You're fucked anyway.
144
00:08:16,001 --> 00:08:19,439
Or you could always use the time you've
got left to rob the stationery cupboard
145
00:08:19,440 --> 00:08:20,490
and check the job ads.
146
00:08:22,420 --> 00:08:23,470
Cheers.
147
00:08:24,080 --> 00:08:25,760
You've been a great help.
148
00:08:26,100 --> 00:08:27,840
It's trying to make you feel better.
149
00:08:31,580 --> 00:08:32,630
Oh, Kurt.
150
00:08:33,429 --> 00:08:35,169
Carol's in the office with the baby.
151
00:08:35,370 --> 00:08:36,510
Did you get a look at it?
152
00:08:37,150 --> 00:08:39,380
And how would that have made me feel
better?
153
00:08:41,510 --> 00:08:43,860
It might have taken your mind off being
sacked.
154
00:08:46,390 --> 00:08:47,440
Bob.
155
00:08:47,630 --> 00:08:48,850
Bob, I want to talk to you.
156
00:08:52,490 --> 00:08:53,540
Where are they?
157
00:08:53,970 --> 00:08:56,270
Who? The rest of the piss -taking
fuckers.
158
00:08:56,650 --> 00:08:57,700
There's no one else.
159
00:08:58,090 --> 00:09:02,150
Was it some kind of bet? Get Bob to make
a complete twat of himself?
160
00:09:02,570 --> 00:09:04,250
No, because that would be too easy.
161
00:09:05,510 --> 00:09:06,690
I'm not taking the piss.
162
00:09:07,350 --> 00:09:08,400
It isn't a bet.
163
00:09:10,070 --> 00:09:14,470
I never, ever thought I would say this,
but I need your help.
164
00:09:15,250 --> 00:09:19,490
Why is it they only ever come to me when
they're really fucking desperate?
165
00:09:20,170 --> 00:09:21,220
Do you need to ask?
166
00:09:26,271 --> 00:09:31,979
Now, you have to have a desire to bring
out the best in your students.
167
00:09:31,980 --> 00:09:33,060
No, that's not so hard.
168
00:09:33,061 --> 00:09:36,319
No, not if you genuinely believe in it,
but if you don't, then it's impossible
169
00:09:36,320 --> 00:09:37,319
to fake it.
170
00:09:37,320 --> 00:09:38,319
Is it?
171
00:09:38,320 --> 00:09:41,120
Absolutely. You had that last curtain in
one go, Brian.
172
00:09:42,380 --> 00:09:45,090
I'm so impressed that I'm going to give
you one of mine.
173
00:09:45,440 --> 00:09:46,490
Cheers.
174
00:09:46,900 --> 00:09:47,950
See?
175
00:09:50,011 --> 00:09:51,999
You're dead.
176
00:09:52,000 --> 00:09:55,639
Now, if you're serious about this, I've
got some things at home that I have.
177
00:09:55,640 --> 00:09:56,690
What sort of things?
178
00:09:56,860 --> 00:09:58,180
Aids, oral and visual.
179
00:09:58,760 --> 00:10:03,160
It'll take discipline and commitment
and, uh, a bottle of whiskey.
180
00:10:04,140 --> 00:10:07,840
Whiskey. No, I give you what you want.
You give me what I want.
181
00:10:08,120 --> 00:10:09,200
It's a two -way street.
182
00:10:09,620 --> 00:10:10,670
Stop!
183
00:10:10,720 --> 00:10:11,770
Run!
184
00:10:12,580 --> 00:10:13,630
Run!
185
00:11:12,720 --> 00:11:13,770
What are they?
186
00:11:13,940 --> 00:11:15,360
My three favourite films.
187
00:11:15,720 --> 00:11:18,310
I give you whiskey and you give me three
old videos?
188
00:11:18,311 --> 00:11:19,579
It's to get you in the mindset.
189
00:11:19,580 --> 00:11:22,799
There's also a list of do's and don'ts,
some practical tips and my mobile
190
00:11:22,800 --> 00:11:25,400
number's on the sheet. I'm available 24
hours a day.
191
00:11:26,900 --> 00:11:27,950
And do the work?
192
00:11:28,580 --> 00:11:30,500
What? The practical tips.
193
00:11:31,140 --> 00:11:32,190
How should I know?
194
00:11:33,340 --> 00:11:34,600
You've never tried them?
195
00:11:34,880 --> 00:11:35,930
No.
196
00:11:36,100 --> 00:11:37,150
Why not?
197
00:11:37,660 --> 00:11:38,860
I've never had the nerve.
198
00:11:43,470 --> 00:11:47,070
I just wanted to say, have a lovely day.
199
00:11:53,530 --> 00:11:56,430
Rule one, be nice. Rule two, break
convention.
200
00:11:56,690 --> 00:11:58,980
Rule three, get them thinking to
themselves.
201
00:11:59,130 --> 00:12:00,450
Practical tips on the back.
202
00:12:01,790 --> 00:12:02,840
Uniform, squat.
203
00:12:02,890 --> 00:12:04,110
Take lessons outside.
204
00:12:04,790 --> 00:12:05,840
Death standing.
205
00:12:06,510 --> 00:12:08,860
Powerful stuff. Can't wait to see you in
action.
206
00:12:08,950 --> 00:12:10,000
What do you mean?
207
00:12:10,001 --> 00:12:12,989
I intend to put the chair outside the
classroom and watch every lesson until
208
00:12:12,990 --> 00:12:14,810
end of term. And me. And me. Me too.
209
00:12:58,210 --> 00:12:59,790
Why are we doing this, Meg?
210
00:13:03,170 --> 00:13:04,450
I have no idea.
211
00:13:30,670 --> 00:13:35,810
The dark, moist place where passions
dwell.
212
00:13:36,430 --> 00:13:43,409
A lair for the worm that pumps and
swells. You won't find
213
00:13:43,410 --> 00:13:44,460
this in your books.
214
00:13:45,150 --> 00:13:49,590
A gate to heaven and to hell.
215
00:13:49,990 --> 00:13:54,850
The slap of thighs and the tolling.
216
00:14:01,520 --> 00:14:02,660
Honestly? Absolutely.
217
00:14:03,740 --> 00:14:04,790
Not a lot.
218
00:14:07,100 --> 00:14:09,660
Right, well, OK, let's get on.
219
00:14:09,661 --> 00:14:11,939
Another look at your S .I .s from last
week.
220
00:14:11,940 --> 00:14:12,759
Who made it?
221
00:14:12,760 --> 00:14:16,310
Doesn't matter. We'll start with
Eddie's, shall we? It's good that you
222
00:14:19,180 --> 00:14:20,230
Me and a rat.
223
00:14:20,940 --> 00:14:22,380
Well? Well, we want to hear it.
224
00:14:23,640 --> 00:14:24,690
Really?
225
00:14:27,740 --> 00:14:29,240
It's not polished, obviously.
226
00:14:33,040 --> 00:14:39,759
The questing tongue that seeks to lick
the dribbling juices
227
00:14:39,760 --> 00:14:42,460
flowing thick.
228
00:14:43,180 --> 00:14:44,480
This is great, isn't it?
229
00:14:45,000 --> 00:14:47,410
Makes you look at me in a whole new
light, right?
230
00:14:49,160 --> 00:14:50,720
What can you tell me about this?
231
00:14:52,000 --> 00:14:53,050
It's a tree.
232
00:14:53,920 --> 00:14:55,540
What kind of a tree?
233
00:14:56,520 --> 00:14:57,570
A green one.
234
00:14:57,571 --> 00:15:00,759
Look, if I'm going to make the effort to
bring you outside, you could at least
235
00:15:00,760 --> 00:15:01,810
enjoy it.
236
00:15:14,860 --> 00:15:17,700
staining the sheets of tangled dreams.
237
00:15:20,720 --> 00:15:22,770
I think it's time we did some proper
work.
238
00:15:24,380 --> 00:15:26,060
Haven't you got another one, sir?
239
00:15:26,540 --> 00:15:30,000
Well, there is a short piece called
Contaminated Years.
240
00:15:30,001 --> 00:15:34,479
I'd like to think that hearing these has
inspired something in you, too. So,
241
00:15:34,480 --> 00:15:40,199
tonight's homework, instead of an essay
on the metaphysical poet, how about you
242
00:15:40,200 --> 00:15:42,360
all have a go at writing a poem?
243
00:15:42,880 --> 00:15:43,930
Bring it in tomorrow.
244
00:15:44,510 --> 00:15:45,590
And read it out.
245
00:15:47,170 --> 00:15:48,450
Contaminated years.
246
00:15:50,390 --> 00:15:53,410
Oh, putrefying flesh.
247
00:15:54,610 --> 00:15:58,889
I've also instigated a review of office
working hours to keep us in line with
248
00:15:58,890 --> 00:16:00,690
European directives. Yeah.
249
00:16:01,070 --> 00:16:02,770
The baby's very quiet, Carol.
250
00:16:08,911 --> 00:16:16,379
I also think we need to review the hours
that certain members of the secretarial
251
00:16:16,380 --> 00:16:17,720
team are forced to work.
252
00:16:18,060 --> 00:16:19,110
Fine.
253
00:16:22,920 --> 00:16:27,900
Lindsay, I noticed you had your class
outside staring at trees today.
254
00:16:27,901 --> 00:16:30,679
Just trying to break the confines of the
classroom.
255
00:16:30,680 --> 00:16:34,580
Open up the potential, enabling and
supporting the students, like you said.
256
00:16:34,581 --> 00:16:38,079
Sounds more like a desperate attempt at
getting the students to like you.
257
00:16:38,080 --> 00:16:40,900
Have you had any complaints about me
today? Not so far.
258
00:16:41,470 --> 00:16:44,540
But after what I said to you this
morning, I hope you won't get
259
00:16:44,970 --> 00:16:47,620
You didn't say anything to me this
morning, did you?
260
00:16:48,790 --> 00:16:50,610
Not about the concerned parents?
261
00:16:51,690 --> 00:16:52,950
What concerned parents?
262
00:16:52,951 --> 00:16:54,369
The drinking in the kebab shop.
263
00:16:54,370 --> 00:16:56,110
No, my disgust and disappointment.
264
00:16:56,111 --> 00:16:57,709
You didn't say anything?
265
00:16:57,710 --> 00:16:58,990
I'm sure I spoke to you.
266
00:17:00,281 --> 00:17:02,309
Oh, well.
267
00:17:02,310 --> 00:17:05,789
This morning, I had a call from a parent
who saw you out drinking on a park
268
00:17:05,790 --> 00:17:09,460
bench last night, then later causing a
disturbance outside a kebab shop.
269
00:17:09,650 --> 00:17:10,730
It wasn't just me.
270
00:17:11,440 --> 00:17:12,760
Why does it pick me out?
271
00:17:13,020 --> 00:17:14,070
Because you're fat.
272
00:17:14,380 --> 00:17:15,619
And as such, noticeable.
273
00:17:15,620 --> 00:17:19,858
Now, this isn't the first such report
I've had about you, just the first I've
274
00:17:19,859 --> 00:17:23,049
had directly from a parent, which makes
it very serious indeed.
275
00:17:23,050 --> 00:17:27,299
I look upon this sort of thing with
disgust and disappointment, and it will
276
00:17:27,300 --> 00:17:28,380
happen again, right?
277
00:17:29,600 --> 00:17:30,740
Now, get out of my sight.
278
00:17:34,500 --> 00:17:36,280
I'm sure I said a word to her earlier.
279
00:17:36,660 --> 00:17:38,540
I don't think it can be overstated.
280
00:17:47,760 --> 00:17:49,260
Clare's had another accident.
281
00:17:56,460 --> 00:17:58,570
Carol's getting the bus back to pick it
up.
282
00:17:59,300 --> 00:18:00,620
Fifteen quid to have a look.
283
00:18:01,380 --> 00:18:03,460
Has anyone else called and bought?
284
00:18:03,740 --> 00:18:06,100
No. Why don't you have a look at it
yourself?
285
00:18:06,660 --> 00:18:09,070
I'd make it cry and then you'd have to
sort it out.
286
00:18:09,220 --> 00:18:12,530
He's just scared that it'll be like
looking into a mirror. Anyway,
287
00:18:12,531 --> 00:18:15,179
I wouldn't even know if it did look like
me.
288
00:18:15,180 --> 00:18:16,980
And you worked that out how exactly?
289
00:18:17,050 --> 00:18:19,820
Well, you never really know what you
look like, do you?
290
00:18:19,821 --> 00:18:23,189
People are always telling me that I look
like Matthew Perry.
291
00:18:23,190 --> 00:18:24,830
I can't see it. Matthew Kelly?
292
00:18:25,090 --> 00:18:28,350
No one said you look like Matthew
fucking Perry. Yes, they have.
293
00:18:28,351 --> 00:18:29,609
Who said that?
294
00:18:29,610 --> 00:18:31,900
Several people that you don't actually
know.
295
00:18:31,901 --> 00:18:35,529
And that's why you want someone to look
at it, so they can tell you if it looks
296
00:18:35,530 --> 00:18:39,210
like you? Or Matthew Kelly. Except it's
not my fucking baby.
297
00:18:40,930 --> 00:18:41,980
Thanks.
298
00:18:43,450 --> 00:18:44,670
Stop him for a can, Carol.
299
00:18:44,950 --> 00:18:46,090
Carol watched the baby.
300
00:18:47,370 --> 00:18:49,450
You know, I meant both of us.
301
00:18:53,850 --> 00:18:55,350
You know, it's really strange.
302
00:18:55,650 --> 00:18:59,140
But the more desperate he gets, the
longer I want the agony prolonged.
303
00:18:59,170 --> 00:19:02,130
I can't recall someone that's warm and
interesting.
304
00:19:03,570 --> 00:19:05,800
What is wrong with you tonight? She's
sober.
305
00:19:06,090 --> 00:19:07,410
Then it's self -inflicted.
306
00:19:08,230 --> 00:19:11,070
The parents performed a committee to
persecute me.
307
00:19:11,650 --> 00:19:15,200
So to keep them in clear of me, back I'm
off drinking for a couple of days.
308
00:19:15,390 --> 00:19:16,440
Okay. Okay.
309
00:19:16,650 --> 00:19:17,700
Your funeral.
310
00:19:21,430 --> 00:19:22,490
Pass me another can.
311
00:19:23,210 --> 00:19:24,410
You've had five already.
312
00:19:24,950 --> 00:19:26,000
So have you.
313
00:19:26,810 --> 00:19:28,650
I bought ten, you bought five.
314
00:19:28,990 --> 00:19:31,640
I needed to save money to get someone to
look at a baby.
315
00:19:31,770 --> 00:19:33,230
Oh, I'm going home.
316
00:19:33,710 --> 00:19:36,090
Why? I've got a video to watch.
317
00:19:36,091 --> 00:19:37,369
Well, why didn't you say?
318
00:19:37,370 --> 00:19:39,480
I'm amazed you managed to stay out so
long.
319
00:19:43,131 --> 00:19:48,579
Fifteen quid and two cans of lager till
I get it tomorrow.
320
00:19:48,580 --> 00:19:49,720
I haven't got any lager.
321
00:19:50,600 --> 00:19:53,610
Well, I'll borrow two cans off you and
pay you back tomorrow.
322
00:19:55,780 --> 00:19:56,830
Nope.
323
00:20:00,800 --> 00:20:02,180
I'll borrow two cans anyway.
324
00:20:20,280 --> 00:20:21,330
Nothing.
325
00:20:22,640 --> 00:20:23,690
You're working.
326
00:20:24,640 --> 00:20:27,530
You're not even faking working. You're
actually working.
327
00:20:28,040 --> 00:20:30,510
For the first time in ages, I woke up
feeling good.
328
00:20:30,980 --> 00:20:34,580
No hangover, no headache, no nausea,
nothing.
329
00:20:35,500 --> 00:20:39,639
So I got up early, came in here, saw
these books and thought, I'll just do
330
00:20:39,640 --> 00:20:40,690
work at the market.
331
00:20:43,860 --> 00:20:45,420
Better finish now I've started.
332
00:21:13,331 --> 00:21:15,259
Good morning.
333
00:21:15,260 --> 00:21:16,310
Morning, Steve.
334
00:21:17,680 --> 00:21:18,730
It's all right.
335
00:21:20,000 --> 00:21:21,050
Morning,
336
00:21:21,800 --> 00:21:23,800
Bob. Morning. I was told, Bill.
337
00:21:24,340 --> 00:21:25,960
Can we talk about them sometime?
338
00:21:25,961 --> 00:21:26,879
Always available.
339
00:21:26,880 --> 00:21:30,140
One night of abstinence and she wakes up
with Doris fucking Day.
340
00:21:30,440 --> 00:21:37,040
Can you stop that, please?
341
00:21:39,040 --> 00:21:40,090
Thank you.
342
00:22:00,590 --> 00:22:04,089
And Robin Williams being chaired
shoulder high by his pupils, being
343
00:22:04,090 --> 00:22:06,730
round the sports pitch, cheering. I love
that.
344
00:22:08,070 --> 00:22:14,929
Maybe it's some sort of chemical
imbalance brought on by not drinking.
345
00:22:14,930 --> 00:22:16,010
is a delicate machine.
346
00:22:16,190 --> 00:22:19,200
Take away a vital fuel like alcohol,
anything could happen.
347
00:22:19,201 --> 00:22:22,509
When I was on antibiotics for a month, I
made the Queen Mary out of lollipop
348
00:22:22,510 --> 00:22:24,690
sticks. The ship, not the person.
349
00:22:29,680 --> 00:22:32,980
Clare's busy, so I've been asked to deal
with messages today.
350
00:22:33,320 --> 00:22:34,370
Is she here?
351
00:22:35,280 --> 00:22:36,330
Most of her.
352
00:22:38,180 --> 00:22:42,759
In the light of recent amended
timetables, changes will be posted on
353
00:22:42,760 --> 00:22:49,120
Changes will be posted.
354
00:22:49,660 --> 00:22:50,710
Thank you.
355
00:22:51,980 --> 00:22:53,030
Brian?
356
00:22:53,380 --> 00:22:56,740
With Clare being ill, who do we go to if
we've got a problem?
357
00:22:57,040 --> 00:22:58,960
Well, I suppose that would be me.
358
00:22:59,550 --> 00:23:04,129
As long as the problem's school
-related, doesn't require any extra work
359
00:23:04,130 --> 00:23:05,770
sympathy on my part.
360
00:23:06,530 --> 00:23:08,970
I just wanted to know what citizenship
is.
361
00:23:09,590 --> 00:23:11,690
I mean, I'm doing it, but what is it?
362
00:23:12,270 --> 00:23:13,320
Isn't it obvious?
363
00:23:13,630 --> 00:23:16,170
No, otherwise I wouldn't be asking what
it is.
364
00:23:17,050 --> 00:23:18,890
It's about encouraging them.
365
00:23:19,790 --> 00:23:26,410
Talking about... Maybe...
366
00:23:27,600 --> 00:23:30,310
Maybe we should just leave it until
Claire can tell us.
367
00:24:10,451 --> 00:24:12,019
the result.
368
00:24:12,020 --> 00:24:12,899
Fucking hell.
369
00:24:12,900 --> 00:24:14,580
Carol's baby's possessed Claire.
370
00:24:14,720 --> 00:24:17,370
So what happens now? Who runs the
school? Who cares?
371
00:24:17,371 --> 00:24:20,839
Well, it looks like it's going to be
down to me to fill the pallet that in.
372
00:24:20,840 --> 00:24:24,630
Good job it's happening now when I'm at
the top of my game. The time is perfect.
373
00:24:24,631 --> 00:24:26,479
Perfect. Do you think they'll ask you to
take over?
374
00:24:26,480 --> 00:24:31,319
Well, I've had my moments of doubt, but
now with this happening to Claire, it's
375
00:24:31,320 --> 00:24:33,960
a confirmation that I'm on the right
road.
376
00:24:34,500 --> 00:24:35,550
You know what?
377
00:24:35,640 --> 00:24:38,050
I think I might have found a bit of
direction too.
378
00:24:38,240 --> 00:24:40,100
When I watched those films last night...
379
00:24:40,300 --> 00:24:41,350
I felt elated.
380
00:24:41,860 --> 00:24:43,360
Allowing yourself to believe.
381
00:24:43,840 --> 00:24:45,160
That's what it's all about.
382
00:24:45,161 --> 00:24:50,119
Oi, how's your drink, Liza? Thought we
might even try a pub tonight.
383
00:24:50,120 --> 00:24:52,890
Yeah. We're willing to do all the
drinking if you prefer.
384
00:24:52,891 --> 00:24:56,679
Not really expected at sport, is it? But
you're off the hook now, Claire's gone
385
00:24:56,680 --> 00:24:58,220
mental, so let's get pissed.
386
00:24:58,860 --> 00:25:00,320
I just don't really fancy it.
387
00:25:01,120 --> 00:25:02,620
It's not about Claire anymore.
388
00:25:02,820 --> 00:25:03,960
Well, what is it about?
389
00:25:04,420 --> 00:25:09,119
It's about waking up in the morning and
thinking, can I wait to get in the
390
00:25:09,120 --> 00:25:10,170
classroom?
391
00:25:10,350 --> 00:25:13,550
It's about finding potential and just
letting it fly.
392
00:25:15,770 --> 00:25:21,730
I didn't get any of that.
393
00:25:24,670 --> 00:25:26,350
I'd rather hear more of your poems.
394
00:25:26,390 --> 00:25:28,050
Well, maybe it's a treat. Later.
395
00:25:28,510 --> 00:25:30,290
First, I want to hear your efforts.
396
00:25:30,550 --> 00:25:31,600
Who's first?
397
00:25:34,010 --> 00:25:35,060
Martin.
398
00:25:35,970 --> 00:25:37,450
I forgot to do it, sir.
399
00:25:38,190 --> 00:25:39,240
Get up anyway.
400
00:25:39,750 --> 00:25:41,050
What? On your feet.
401
00:25:44,590 --> 00:25:46,010
Make a poem up.
402
00:25:47,750 --> 00:25:50,610
Now? Right now. Open your mouth and
speak.
403
00:25:51,410 --> 00:25:52,990
Come on, it'll be good for you.
404
00:25:54,230 --> 00:25:56,690
Whatever comes into your head.
405
00:25:57,870 --> 00:25:58,920
Now!
406
00:26:02,050 --> 00:26:04,490
This is how a tree feels in the high
wind.
407
00:26:05,470 --> 00:26:07,330
Oh, isn't it great?
408
00:26:07,791 --> 00:26:09,799
Come on, Adam.
409
00:26:09,800 --> 00:26:10,900
Feel the wind.
410
00:26:10,901 --> 00:26:13,859
You'd think a tree would be happy to be
blown about.
411
00:26:13,860 --> 00:26:14,839
Don't you?
412
00:26:14,840 --> 00:26:19,159
The wind rips off its leaves, pulls off
its branches and loosens its roots. So
413
00:26:19,160 --> 00:26:20,840
no, I don't think it would be happy.
414
00:26:21,400 --> 00:26:24,140
Excellent. Sad swing, everyone. Come on.
415
00:26:29,580 --> 00:26:31,780
Love doesn't have to hurt to feel good.
416
00:26:32,940 --> 00:26:34,100
It's such a revelation.
417
00:26:34,620 --> 00:26:37,200
With you I can be myself and always
should.
418
00:26:39,950 --> 00:26:45,270
Ah, that was... I think we've made a
major breakthrough.
419
00:26:50,470 --> 00:26:51,520
Remember this.
420
00:26:53,990 --> 00:26:55,650
All right.
421
00:26:57,050 --> 00:26:58,830
Okay, who's next?
422
00:26:58,831 --> 00:27:03,069
You want me to be your domestic slave
for the rest of the term?
423
00:27:03,070 --> 00:27:04,730
I want you to be my domestic slave.
424
00:27:05,150 --> 00:27:08,370
My alcohol supplier, my homework marker
and my foot massager.
425
00:27:08,670 --> 00:27:12,370
Then, and only then, will I even think
of looking in the front.
426
00:27:12,590 --> 00:27:13,640
What's going on?
427
00:27:13,641 --> 00:27:14,669
What are you talking?
428
00:27:14,670 --> 00:27:16,230
I mean, what's going on with Ed?
429
00:27:17,090 --> 00:27:18,230
He called me thick.
430
00:27:18,231 --> 00:27:20,149
What about the other two?
431
00:27:20,150 --> 00:27:21,200
They laughed.
432
00:27:21,201 --> 00:27:25,369
You don't think that getting them to do
something a bit more constructive would
433
00:27:25,370 --> 00:27:27,050
be a more beneficial punishment?
434
00:27:28,630 --> 00:27:29,680
No.
435
00:27:29,681 --> 00:27:31,189
How many piss -ups are they going to do?
436
00:27:31,190 --> 00:27:33,430
Twenty. Go on, lads, you can do it.
437
00:27:34,060 --> 00:27:35,800
Positive thinking, that's the key.
438
00:27:36,040 --> 00:27:37,740
How many have they done?
439
00:27:38,060 --> 00:27:39,110
That's three.
440
00:27:40,760 --> 00:27:44,839
The purpose of the Lunchtime Biology
Club is to do all the things you always
441
00:27:44,840 --> 00:27:48,279
wanted to do in class, but were too
afraid to ask. Like putting animals in a
442
00:27:48,280 --> 00:27:50,739
microwave and seeing how long they take
to explode.
443
00:27:50,740 --> 00:27:51,820
I've got a suggestion.
444
00:27:52,260 --> 00:27:54,860
How about we do something I've always
wanted to do?
445
00:27:55,200 --> 00:27:57,180
How about we liberate the frogs?
446
00:27:57,181 --> 00:28:03,439
You're very calm, considering it's your
pitch you set them free on.
447
00:28:03,440 --> 00:28:06,939
She was talking about turning it into a
school nature reserve, with a pond and
448
00:28:06,940 --> 00:28:07,979
everything.
449
00:28:07,980 --> 00:28:09,300
So we reached a compromise.
450
00:28:09,740 --> 00:28:10,790
Which was?
451
00:28:10,791 --> 00:28:14,619
She could set the frogs free on the
pitch, and instead of putting a nature
452
00:28:14,620 --> 00:28:17,720
reserve there, I'd help her build a
Japanese peace garden.
453
00:28:19,080 --> 00:28:20,260
That's very nice of you.
454
00:28:25,760 --> 00:28:28,590
So, where's she intending on having this
peace garden?
455
00:28:29,140 --> 00:28:30,840
Here. Here, here.
456
00:28:31,360 --> 00:28:32,540
Right here.
457
00:28:32,541 --> 00:28:35,459
Will it have an ashtray incorporated?
458
00:28:35,460 --> 00:28:38,830
You lot won't be using it. It's going to
be a smoke -free environment.
459
00:28:38,831 --> 00:28:42,519
Um, you'd better start to draw up plans
for a nature reserve, because you're not
460
00:28:42,520 --> 00:28:46,039
building a rock garden here. The
heritage site, an area of outstanding
461
00:28:46,040 --> 00:28:49,159
interest. I think you'll find that
eventually I'll have both the Japanese
462
00:28:49,160 --> 00:28:51,020
and the nature reserve up and running.
463
00:28:51,140 --> 00:28:52,280
It's not what we agreed.
464
00:28:52,281 --> 00:28:55,959
Unlike you, Brian, I put the best
interests of the school before me own.
465
00:28:55,960 --> 00:28:58,739
And once I show my plans to Claire,
she'll see it's a chance to turn these
466
00:28:58,740 --> 00:29:00,980
areas of ground into major assets.
467
00:29:01,911 --> 00:29:09,099
I can't believe she lied to me. What are
we supposed to do with a fucking pun?
468
00:29:09,100 --> 00:29:10,240
Take her for swimming?
469
00:29:10,241 --> 00:29:14,479
What if she turns all of our lovely dead
areas into beautiful fucking gardens?
470
00:29:14,480 --> 00:29:16,959
Then we'll just have to review the way
we look at things. Or get her back
471
00:29:16,960 --> 00:29:19,040
drinking. How? She hates the park.
472
00:29:19,460 --> 00:29:20,780
We could make it more comfy.
473
00:29:20,920 --> 00:29:22,420
Bring some cushions and stuff.
474
00:29:22,500 --> 00:29:26,499
She's not drinking, so I'm not drinking.
We could invite her out, make her
475
00:29:26,500 --> 00:29:30,079
comfortable, lull her into a false sense
of security, then pin her down and pour
476
00:29:30,080 --> 00:29:31,160
lager down her throat.
477
00:29:31,161 --> 00:29:35,059
Excellent. Why mess with things when we
can turn it to our own benefit?
478
00:29:35,060 --> 00:29:36,110
How?
479
00:29:37,040 --> 00:29:41,459
Just as there are major disadvantages to
having committed, enthusiastic, totally
480
00:29:41,460 --> 00:29:44,890
focused colleagues, there have to be an
equal number of advantages.
481
00:29:45,600 --> 00:29:46,650
Like what?
482
00:29:46,660 --> 00:29:51,059
Like the times Claire asked for
volunteers for extra work, or allocates
483
00:29:51,060 --> 00:29:54,730
people to cover classes or take on
extracurricular clubs and societies.
484
00:29:55,920 --> 00:29:56,970
What?
485
00:29:57,900 --> 00:29:59,840
What in the fucking world?
486
00:29:59,841 --> 00:30:04,159
Then there are the advantages you just
can't predict.
487
00:30:04,160 --> 00:30:06,140
Sleep? Endless possibilities.
488
00:30:12,860 --> 00:30:16,000
Are you asleep again?
489
00:30:16,340 --> 00:30:19,830
I found this book. I started reading,
but I couldn't put the thing down.
490
00:30:51,001 --> 00:30:53,739
You're looking good today, Bob.
491
00:30:53,740 --> 00:30:56,240
Another day, another chance to excel.
492
00:30:56,740 --> 00:30:58,000
I'm going to give you more.
493
00:30:59,040 --> 00:31:00,090
Fucking get off.
494
00:31:00,340 --> 00:31:01,860
It comes from a broken home.
495
00:31:02,160 --> 00:31:03,780
They're the ones who need it most.
496
00:31:06,820 --> 00:31:09,290
I don't know what Matt was fucking
talking about.
497
00:31:09,291 --> 00:31:13,419
Now, where's the advantage in having two
fucks deluded whilst wandering around a
498
00:31:13,420 --> 00:31:17,539
school? Well, they're keeping each other
on, dividing out of our way. That's
499
00:31:17,540 --> 00:31:18,640
great.
500
00:31:19,850 --> 00:31:23,549
I can watch what I like on telly, and
there's always plenty of wine left in
501
00:31:23,550 --> 00:31:24,870
rack and beer in the fridge.
502
00:31:25,190 --> 00:31:26,570
Don't need a flatmate, dear.
503
00:31:26,890 --> 00:31:27,970
What the hell is that?
504
00:31:28,350 --> 00:31:29,490
What does it look like?
505
00:31:30,050 --> 00:31:31,100
Like a baby.
506
00:31:31,390 --> 00:31:33,190
Nothing gets past you, Sue, does it?
507
00:31:33,370 --> 00:31:34,710
I spotted it in the bathtub.
508
00:31:35,930 --> 00:31:39,000
Just pick up people's babies and take
them into work with you.
509
00:31:39,310 --> 00:31:40,930
If everyone did it, it'd be Carol.
510
00:31:41,310 --> 00:31:42,650
Carol's. How do you know?
511
00:31:43,070 --> 00:31:44,370
Best to double check.
512
00:31:45,610 --> 00:31:47,170
Hurry up before Carol gets here.
513
00:31:47,171 --> 00:31:48,149
Have a look.
514
00:31:48,150 --> 00:31:49,200
For God's sake.
515
00:31:53,070 --> 00:31:54,510
Fucking hell. What?
516
00:31:54,810 --> 00:31:55,860
Horrible.
517
00:31:56,390 --> 00:31:57,440
Chinese.
518
00:32:05,330 --> 00:32:09,670
It was at the bus stop.
519
00:32:09,910 --> 00:32:13,150
Apparently. I forgot.
520
00:32:16,430 --> 00:32:17,480
Lovely?
521
00:32:19,090 --> 00:32:20,950
Yeah. Yeah, lovely.
522
00:32:29,561 --> 00:32:32,619
Don't you reckon it's farther in?
523
00:32:32,620 --> 00:32:33,670
Four.
524
00:32:33,800 --> 00:32:34,850
Tricky, Mum.
525
00:32:35,120 --> 00:32:38,430
We could draw up a list of probables and
boil them down to a top five.
526
00:32:38,780 --> 00:32:40,260
We'll conduct DNA tests.
527
00:32:40,261 --> 00:32:43,579
I'm putting a proposal in to Claire
about providing a support system for
528
00:32:43,580 --> 00:32:44,579
troubled students.
529
00:32:44,580 --> 00:32:46,679
I just need people to commit to pushing
it through.
530
00:32:46,680 --> 00:32:47,719
What do you say?
531
00:32:47,720 --> 00:32:49,260
No. No. No.
532
00:32:49,740 --> 00:32:50,790
No.
533
00:32:54,420 --> 00:32:55,740
Thank you, everyone.
534
00:32:57,450 --> 00:33:01,489
Some of you may be aware of the presence
of amphibian interlopers on school
535
00:33:01,490 --> 00:33:04,730
grounds. We've called in an expert to
remove them.
536
00:33:05,670 --> 00:33:06,720
Humanely, I hope.
537
00:33:07,030 --> 00:33:10,270
If I had my way, it would be with a
flamethrower and a fist light.
538
00:33:10,630 --> 00:33:13,040
But I'm assured they will remain
unharmed, yes.
539
00:33:13,410 --> 00:33:16,770
Until then, I suggest you avoid open
-toed sandals.
540
00:33:17,170 --> 00:33:19,460
Sorry, I'm late. I've been printing
these off.
541
00:33:19,910 --> 00:33:21,650
I've already started the briefing.
542
00:33:21,790 --> 00:33:23,470
Shall I take over from here, then?
543
00:33:23,750 --> 00:33:25,110
Why? Well...
544
00:33:25,111 --> 00:33:28,339
If Claire's not up to it, I think it
should fall upon a member of the
545
00:33:28,340 --> 00:33:30,020
staff to start the day, don't you?
546
00:33:30,400 --> 00:33:32,630
You think Claire wants you running
things?
547
00:33:33,240 --> 00:33:34,290
Why not?
548
00:33:35,220 --> 00:33:36,720
Well, let me see now.
549
00:33:37,260 --> 00:33:38,780
Because you're washed up?
550
00:33:39,280 --> 00:33:43,859
I think you'll find I'm far from washed
up. I have a new appetite for the job, a
551
00:33:43,860 --> 00:33:47,840
new desire to do it to the best of my
ability. But you really are a pathetic,
552
00:33:48,140 --> 00:33:50,360
ignorant little man, aren't you? Little?
553
00:33:50,361 --> 00:33:54,199
That's not how you referred to me when
we were going out together.
554
00:33:54,200 --> 00:33:55,940
Anyway. Going out?
555
00:33:56,280 --> 00:33:58,060
OK. When we made love.
556
00:33:58,440 --> 00:34:00,920
You mean when we had sex in the toilet?
557
00:34:01,200 --> 00:34:03,680
And in the gym. And on Claire's desk.
558
00:34:03,900 --> 00:34:08,218
And in the photocopying room. You were a
charity kiss and I pitied you. Oh,
559
00:34:08,219 --> 00:34:12,300
yeah, you pitied me so much that you had
to do it again and again and again.
560
00:34:16,880 --> 00:34:18,060
I want to see Claire.
561
00:34:19,219 --> 00:34:21,199
Fine. And I want to see her today.
562
00:34:21,580 --> 00:34:24,900
I'll... I'll see what I can do. No, I'll
see what you can do.
563
00:34:30,080 --> 00:34:31,130
Out of my way!
564
00:34:34,411 --> 00:34:35,939
I'll
565
00:34:35,940 --> 00:34:46,439
let
566
00:34:46,440 --> 00:34:48,020
you know when she is available.
567
00:34:53,230 --> 00:34:54,670
Why can't we stay and listen?
568
00:34:54,671 --> 00:34:55,509
Shag it.
569
00:34:55,510 --> 00:34:56,890
I'm vomiting, do you think?
570
00:34:57,590 --> 00:34:59,760
Why would anyone shag that sad, fat
loser?
571
00:34:59,761 --> 00:35:00,729
Who, Liz?
572
00:35:00,730 --> 00:35:02,270
No, Bob. Bob's not a loser.
573
00:35:02,550 --> 00:35:04,170
Totally an unqualified success.
574
00:35:04,171 --> 00:35:07,129
All that's changing, though, and when he
becomes headteacher, yeah.
575
00:35:07,130 --> 00:35:09,670
Bob? Yeah, I think he'd make a great
headteacher.
576
00:35:09,671 --> 00:35:12,849
What, if all the other candidates were
taken out in a freak terrorist attack?
577
00:35:12,850 --> 00:35:14,350
What have you got against him?
578
00:35:14,490 --> 00:35:16,930
He's fat, he's bald, he sweats, he
smells.
579
00:35:17,170 --> 00:35:18,630
You could learn a lot from him.
580
00:35:19,130 --> 00:35:21,780
Well, I have to be a fat, bald, sweaty,
stinking twat.
581
00:35:21,781 --> 00:35:24,239
You should give him the respect he
deserves.
582
00:35:24,240 --> 00:35:25,290
What, just that?
583
00:35:25,960 --> 00:35:27,640
Phil's gone. He'll leave for class.
584
00:35:27,940 --> 00:35:29,320
But so are you, then.
585
00:35:39,980 --> 00:35:41,700
You can't keep this up all day.
586
00:35:42,080 --> 00:35:43,130
Neither can you.
587
00:35:44,320 --> 00:35:45,370
Watch me.
588
00:35:48,340 --> 00:35:49,980
Don't you have classes to teach?
589
00:36:06,380 --> 00:36:07,430
And you?
590
00:36:07,460 --> 00:36:08,510
Same.
591
00:36:08,511 --> 00:36:12,599
Well, that's pretty stupid, isn't it?
How come they get to piss about and do
592
00:36:12,600 --> 00:36:13,650
what they want?
593
00:36:14,260 --> 00:36:15,310
Well,
594
00:36:20,320 --> 00:36:22,430
I'm sure they're working in their own
way.
595
00:36:22,620 --> 00:36:24,120
Well, can't we do that, then?
596
00:36:25,240 --> 00:36:27,700
You're here so that I can teach you
Shakespeare.
597
00:36:27,701 --> 00:36:31,119
And I can't teach you Shakespeare if
you're standing on your head.
598
00:36:31,120 --> 00:36:33,710
I can't teach you Shakespeare because
you're shit.
599
00:36:36,680 --> 00:36:37,730
Just read the book.
600
00:36:38,111 --> 00:36:45,479
You know what you were saying about
using Lindsay and Bog to our advantage?
601
00:36:45,480 --> 00:36:49,139
Yeah. You remember what Lindsay was
saying this morning about establishing
602
00:36:49,140 --> 00:36:51,420
support systems for troubled children?
603
00:36:52,500 --> 00:36:56,360
What? Well, which students do we all
really hate dealing with?
604
00:36:56,880 --> 00:36:58,080
Could run into hundreds.
605
00:36:58,081 --> 00:37:01,259
It'd be easier to list the ones we
really like dealing with. What if there
606
00:37:01,260 --> 00:37:03,300
an easy way to offload the worst ones?
607
00:37:05,130 --> 00:37:09,189
Will it involve guns and bloodshed? It
will just involve using the new
608
00:37:09,190 --> 00:37:10,710
recently opened up to us.
609
00:37:15,470 --> 00:37:16,710
Just drop it.
610
00:37:22,190 --> 00:37:23,240
Carol?
611
00:37:24,190 --> 00:37:25,240
Carol?
612
00:37:27,950 --> 00:37:29,430
Is Liz in there with you?
613
00:37:30,690 --> 00:37:31,740
No.
614
00:37:32,170 --> 00:37:33,650
Are you missing anything?
615
00:37:36,320 --> 00:37:39,260
Just unlock the door, no harm will come
to it.
616
00:37:47,280 --> 00:37:48,330
Play in our office.
617
00:37:49,780 --> 00:37:50,830
Bomb!
618
00:37:56,540 --> 00:37:57,680
You're going to stop me.
619
00:37:57,681 --> 00:37:58,969
Aren't I?
620
00:37:58,970 --> 00:38:02,970
Look, you tell her I'm here and I'm not
going away until I see her. Or what?
621
00:38:03,250 --> 00:38:04,910
Liz, can I run something by you?
622
00:38:05,150 --> 00:38:09,270
Oh, she's not in charge. Isn't she? You
see, it's me that they come to.
623
00:38:09,570 --> 00:38:10,620
What do you want?
624
00:38:10,670 --> 00:38:12,290
So are you in charge, then? No.
625
00:38:12,630 --> 00:38:17,050
Provisionally. I wondered if you'd mind
if we gave our annoying kids to Lindsay.
626
00:38:17,051 --> 00:38:20,529
I've worked very closely with Claire for
the past five years now. And I've been
627
00:38:20,530 --> 00:38:24,029
at the school for eight. Is that all
right, then? Look, I couldn't give a
628
00:38:24,030 --> 00:38:24,629
Me neither.
629
00:38:24,630 --> 00:38:27,080
OK. It's not about how long you've been
here.
630
00:38:27,280 --> 00:38:29,760
It's about how suitable you are for the
job.
631
00:38:30,380 --> 00:38:33,870
You're saying I'm unsuitable? What do
you think I'm fucking saying?
632
00:38:34,500 --> 00:38:36,600
Can anyone tell me what mutualism means?
633
00:38:36,601 --> 00:38:40,259
Even if you don't know the answer, you
can still have a go.
634
00:38:40,260 --> 00:38:42,060
Whatever you say is going to be valid.
635
00:38:43,000 --> 00:38:46,760
Wayne? My friend Toby's got the
Labrador.
636
00:38:48,700 --> 00:38:49,750
Right.
637
00:38:50,620 --> 00:38:51,670
Excellent.
638
00:39:01,480 --> 00:39:05,179
With your newfound skills and
commitment, you could support and
639
00:39:05,180 --> 00:39:06,980
in a far better way than we ever could.
640
00:39:07,240 --> 00:39:08,700
But this is a biology class.
641
00:39:08,701 --> 00:39:11,959
I think if these kids learn anything
about anything, it'll be a massive step
642
00:39:11,960 --> 00:39:15,279
forward for them. I don't want to take
this kind of challenge away from you
643
00:39:15,280 --> 00:39:16,860
though. Think nothing of it.
644
00:39:17,820 --> 00:39:18,870
Only if you're sure.
645
00:39:18,871 --> 00:39:19,959
We're sure.
646
00:39:19,960 --> 00:39:21,520
We really appreciate this.
647
00:39:25,920 --> 00:39:28,210
Just find somewhere to sit and we'll
carry on.
648
00:39:31,880 --> 00:39:33,380
Why do you think they're here?
649
00:39:33,980 --> 00:39:35,030
Anyone?
650
00:39:35,140 --> 00:39:36,580
Because Miss Nell was a bitch.
651
00:39:38,560 --> 00:39:41,030
I know that you think of yourselves as
different.
652
00:39:41,980 --> 00:39:44,560
That you've been made to feel excluded
in some way.
653
00:39:44,920 --> 00:39:47,360
But to me, you're not troublemakers.
654
00:39:48,200 --> 00:39:49,250
You're individuals.
655
00:39:50,840 --> 00:39:53,310
Let's start with a straight question,
shall we?
656
00:39:53,580 --> 00:39:54,780
Who were you angry with?
657
00:39:56,360 --> 00:40:00,340
I was born for this moment. So was I.
Well, if you want a fight, you've got
658
00:40:00,380 --> 00:40:05,700
And this time, it'll be to the bitter
end. And I will not be... Silenced.
659
00:40:06,020 --> 00:40:07,580
You're looking very smart, Bob.
660
00:40:08,380 --> 00:40:09,820
Have you got an appointment?
661
00:40:11,080 --> 00:40:12,130
Uh, no.
662
00:40:12,320 --> 00:40:13,370
Not really.
663
00:40:14,660 --> 00:40:16,950
Someone bring me up to date with where
we are?
664
00:40:17,880 --> 00:40:19,260
The baby's still here, I see.
665
00:40:19,920 --> 00:40:20,970
Yes.
666
00:40:21,200 --> 00:40:22,280
Sort it for me, please.
667
00:40:22,990 --> 00:40:25,950
This is a working environment, and I
want to see it working.
668
00:40:27,190 --> 00:40:32,130
I also want a copy of all memos issued
in the last 48 hours, ASAP.
669
00:40:34,270 --> 00:40:36,070
So, what happened?
670
00:40:36,490 --> 00:40:38,530
The menopause. I'm fine now.
671
00:40:41,030 --> 00:40:45,690
All you needed was a bit of love and
support.
672
00:40:46,610 --> 00:40:51,130
It's not me, or the school, or authority
you're angry with.
673
00:40:52,170 --> 00:40:53,220
It's yourselves.
674
00:40:54,390 --> 00:40:56,930
Now, we've torn down the walls between
us.
675
00:40:57,250 --> 00:40:59,390
Let's start building something of value.
676
00:41:01,490 --> 00:41:03,310
Let's go outside and dance.
677
00:41:05,401 --> 00:41:12,669
Can I ask why you're wandering aimlessly
around the school with a bunch of
678
00:41:12,670 --> 00:41:15,349
students who don't even belong in your
class, Miss Pierce?
679
00:41:15,350 --> 00:41:17,270
I've taken them on as a special project.
680
00:41:17,370 --> 00:41:21,550
Actually, I wanted to ask you about
starting a unique group devoted to...
681
00:41:23,620 --> 00:41:24,720
What? I said no.
682
00:41:25,040 --> 00:41:26,960
No to groups and no to special projects.
683
00:41:27,240 --> 00:41:32,239
But I really believe I'm messing up. I'm
talking to myself here. I said no. Now
684
00:41:32,240 --> 00:41:35,559
stop fucking around and get these
students back into their proper classes.
685
00:41:35,560 --> 00:41:36,610
But they need to.
686
00:42:15,380 --> 00:42:19,460
What the fuck are you lot doing here?
687
00:42:19,960 --> 00:42:21,600
Get back to your classes now!
688
00:42:27,799 --> 00:42:30,280
Do you think Mr Chong will marry Carol
now?
689
00:42:30,580 --> 00:42:33,650
He's married already, isn't he? Are you
a bit disappointed?
690
00:42:33,651 --> 00:42:36,679
What, that Carol and Mr Chong can't get
married? But you're not the father.
691
00:42:36,680 --> 00:42:39,600
How would I explain a Chinese baby to my
mum and dad?
692
00:42:39,601 --> 00:42:40,879
I'm disappointed.
693
00:42:40,880 --> 00:42:43,170
I was quite looking forward to being an
uncle.
694
00:42:43,171 --> 00:42:46,599
Probably for the best, though. You'd
have been a shit -dog.
695
00:42:46,600 --> 00:42:48,280
Fuck off, I'd have been brilliant.
696
00:42:48,380 --> 00:42:50,280
I'd have taken it to the zoo and...
697
00:42:52,520 --> 00:42:54,750
Taught it how to... Drink eight counts
of lager.
698
00:42:54,820 --> 00:42:55,960
One can do a sock.
699
00:42:55,961 --> 00:42:59,899
I can't believe you think I'd be a shit
dad. Well, you're a shit teacher, so
700
00:42:59,900 --> 00:43:01,040
it's not that big a leap.
701
00:43:01,140 --> 00:43:02,520
What's the matter with you?
702
00:43:02,740 --> 00:43:06,540
Were you upset that Claire got better
and ruined your petty little dreams?
703
00:43:06,780 --> 00:43:11,380
Just when I was beginning to enjoy my
job, she turns round and recovers. I
704
00:43:11,381 --> 00:43:12,259
two days.
705
00:43:12,260 --> 00:43:14,370
What can I put into operation in two
days?
706
00:43:14,440 --> 00:43:15,960
Nothing. What was it then?
707
00:43:15,961 --> 00:43:17,839
Temporary personality disorder?
708
00:43:17,840 --> 00:43:18,900
The menopause.
709
00:43:19,320 --> 00:43:24,000
Most women flop about for two years, but
oh no, she gets over it in two days.
710
00:43:24,001 --> 00:43:27,179
Maybe that's what happened to you. An
early menopause brought on by an absence
711
00:43:27,180 --> 00:43:28,230
of alcohol.
712
00:43:28,260 --> 00:43:29,460
Alcohol's like your HRT.
713
00:43:29,461 --> 00:43:32,359
Don't give a fuck what it was, as long
as it doesn't happen again.
714
00:43:32,360 --> 00:43:35,310
That means you've got to keep drinking
on medical grounds.
715
00:43:35,640 --> 00:43:37,160
Excellent. You're round.
716
00:43:37,540 --> 00:43:38,590
Fuck off.
717
00:43:38,591 --> 00:43:42,039
Well, I'm going to stop drinking right
now. I'm never going to have another
718
00:43:42,040 --> 00:43:45,059
drink again, and I'm going to get Claire
to let me turn your bitch into a...
719
00:43:45,060 --> 00:43:48,240
What was I going to turn your bitch into
again?
720
00:43:48,600 --> 00:43:49,650
A nature reserve.
721
00:43:50,560 --> 00:43:52,580
Fuck me, I was mental.
722
00:43:53,600 --> 00:43:54,650
Yeah, that.
723
00:43:54,700 --> 00:43:56,080
I'd like a pint, please.
724
00:43:57,220 --> 00:43:58,270
Have you noticed?
725
00:43:58,600 --> 00:44:00,340
This place hasn't changed at all.
726
00:44:03,460 --> 00:44:07,490
They've actually stripped it out and
replaced everything with exact replicas.
727
00:44:10,460 --> 00:44:11,960
What the fuck happened to you?
728
00:44:12,340 --> 00:44:14,920
Martin's dad was waiting for me after
school.
729
00:44:15,260 --> 00:44:16,820
Gee. Yeah.
730
00:44:17,070 --> 00:44:18,570
Accused me of bullying his son.
731
00:44:18,830 --> 00:44:19,880
And where is he?
732
00:44:19,910 --> 00:44:21,150
I was inspiring him.
733
00:44:21,390 --> 00:44:26,890
Tapping into reservoirs of hidden
potential, encouraging him to find his
734
00:44:26,930 --> 00:44:27,980
express himself.
735
00:44:28,430 --> 00:44:29,480
You listen to this.
736
00:44:30,670 --> 00:44:33,950
Love doesn't have to hurt to feel good.
737
00:44:34,450 --> 00:44:36,050
It's such a revelation.
738
00:44:36,570 --> 00:44:40,870
With you, I can be myself and always
should. What the fuck?
739
00:44:47,370 --> 00:44:49,430
Fucking little shit.
740
00:44:51,650 --> 00:44:53,910
Oi, that's mine, you fat swat.
741
00:44:57,510 --> 00:45:02,389
If you're waiting to be carried shoulder
high by grateful students, you'll wait
742
00:45:02,390 --> 00:45:03,630
a fucking lifetime.
743
00:45:04,150 --> 00:45:06,530
It doesn't happen. Never has.
744
00:45:06,531 --> 00:45:07,899
Fuck them.
745
00:45:07,900 --> 00:45:12,450
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