Original subtitles

40 -15.

Match point.

Quiet, please.

Steadman to serve.

I was never out. I failed to produce the burp. Game, set and match to us.

I burped. You all heard it. That wasn't a burp, Lindsay.

I heard something.

That wasn't a burp. That was more of a... That's how I burp.

OK, we need an umpire.

Matt, was Kurt's so -called burp in or out? Why do I have to be the umpire?

Because you've got the right attribute.

You're honest and unbiased. You know the rules.

You don't hate any of us.

The noise that came from Kurt's mouth.

Was it in or was it out?

Well, that's a good question.

On the one hand, there was definitely a noise.

On the other hand, was it clearly recognisable as a belch?

Considering the fact and the importance of the point, I call a let, first

service, replay the point.

And that's why we challenge you.

Two things this morning. Number one.

Today's assembly will be given over to Sergeant Davis from the police.

I'm sure most of you will remember the last assembly where we invited the

to talk. What happened?

Hostage situation.

What are they in for today?

Weapons land.

So now we're asking the children to bring weapons into the school. So that

can dispose of them in a responsible manner.

We'll be lucky if they hand over a pea shooter, but it's the thoughts that

count. Carol will be emptying the box at the end of every evening.

See what we can get, shall we?

Second issue, the English department will be a man down for a while. Bob's

sister called this morning.

Bob underwent surgery last night and is at home recuperating.

Surgery?

As in they cut him open, surgery?

Ness, you know of another way to perform surgery, yes.

Is he OK?

I'll give you all more news when I hear it. In the meantime, if Liz could

arrange a card and a collection.

Thank you, everyone. Matt?

Could I see you, please?

Jesus Christ, did you hear that?

They cut Bob open.

I might not be serious.

Could be a heart attack.

He was looking well enough yesterday.

Which means he came on suddenly, which means it's life -threatening. Doesn't

mean anything of the sort.

Maybe he found a lump on the jaffers. Oh, God, Bob's got ball cancer.

In trouble with Claire, are we?

Not exactly.

Well, what did you want?

She wanted to give me this.

Here you go.

Here you are.

What the fuck died in here?

Oh, by the smell of it.

Well, how do I look?

How's your work in the job center?

Not like an acting head of department, then.

Are you trying to look like an acting head of department?

That's it. Now you've nailed it.

Fucking Bob.

If he ever recovers from this surgery, I'll kill him. And I thought you'd be

pleased. Yeah, because this is my dream.

Ever since I can remember, I've always wanted people to look at me and think,

what a wanker.

You don't think you were reacting just a little bit?

Heads of department are wankers.

Everyone hates them. That's not true.

Okay, it is true, but it doesn't have to be true.

You could be the first non -wanker head of department.

Lucky me.

Oh, dear God.

What is it?

I think I just found Bob's laundry basket.

If you had to go through a Doctor Who -style regeneration, who would you

to apply for?

Who was that American diver who smacked his head on the board at the Olympics?

Greg Lugani.

Him. I mean someone from here.

Kurt, me.

Matt. Well, I was thinking Matt.

We can't both be genites, Matt.

I already have, sort of.

I left.

He replaced me.

Fair point.

We've got a lot in common.

We're both laid -back, intelligent, popular.

Do you fancy?

Of course.

All right, not in a gay way, but if Matt were a woman, would he be your type?

I'd have to meet her.

She's Matt.

Only with breasts and no stubble.

Well, I suppose in theory she'd be perfectly shaggable.

What about me?

I'd take you for a drink, but no promising.

That's a fucking lot. I wouldn't want to jeopardise a friendship.

Before you hear it from someone else, Blair's asked me to step in for Bob on

way. Congratulations.

Believe me, it's the last thing I want. It doesn't mean more work. Well, I'm not

planning to do more than I have to.

Yeah. But we do what we always do. Little as possible.

Sounds good to me. Although, with Bob not being around, we are going to have

cover his lesson somehow, so I've split them up between everyone.

I think that's fair. Well, why have I got his year 11?

I can swap with his year 9. No, that class didn't have your year 9.

Unless Matt takes them off me. Well...

Good.

I'll just drink it in. Suit yourself.

That's you.

The one that got away.

For the love of your life, would you stop fishing me before?

She was dangling on the end of his line. All he had to do was wheel her in.

Have you ever been fishing, Kurt?

No. Well, shut the fuck up, then.

New rule. If you haven't been fishing, you can't use fishing metaphors.

You're still hurting.

Penny won't take Bob year 11, so Simon's probably with it year 9, which means

that I have to spend all lunchtime figuring out who needs to be where.

You should have just told them all to get on with it. Yeah, because they're

really going to listen to me.

You're the boss, aren't you?

I mean, good afternoon.

Just thought I'd come and ask how everything's going.

Fine. Well, if you ever have any questions or just need to talk things

door is always open.

That's really comforting to know.

And, of course, I'm looking forward to seeing your DDP.

My what?

Your Departmental Development Plan. All the heads have to submit a report this

Friday.

I'll do my best, Claire.

I've taken a gamble on you, Matt.

I trust you won't let me down.

Fine. You don't know anything about development plans, do you?

Bob usually does, no.

And why's Bob not here?

Some other poor swat get to London.

Oh.

I suppose he could help you out. Ah, you know I would, but I've only got a

couple of weeks drinking time before I leave.

Don't want to waste it on Bob's report.

Of course, as head of department, I can always just tell you to do it.

Look, forget about the report.

Come to the firm and make up an excuse not to do it.

Penny, just the person I was looking for. Have you had a chance to do those

reports yet?

Reports? The development lab, the English department.

Father signed it for you?

No, he didn't.

Well, according to the diary, he did.

I must have enough to tell you.

Well, if you didn't tell me... Oh, Claire, it's not ready.

Claire? She wants it by tomorrow, so it can go towards your final yearly review.

Oh, even if you start now, I doubt you'll get it done in time.

Oh, fucking hell!

Crimson Tide.

Bloody Sunday.

I thought you had work to do.

I was just going to have a quick drink and finish off the report at home.

Your turn, Matt.

Um, blood feast two, all you can eat. You don't want to hand it in too late.

know what Claire's like.

Why are you so worried about that report?

I'm not.

Between you and Claire, you're happy to jeopardise your job. Who am I to stand

in the way?

What's it?

I've got to hand in some report or other.

Apparently Bob forgot to tell me about it.

Ramble first blood.

Why are we mentioning films? Films with titles relating to menstruation.

The blob.

You look busier than usual tonight.

So?

We used to come for a quiet drink after work. It used to be just that.

Quiet drink after work.

What are you getting at?

This group just doesn't feel like a group anymore. There's too many of us.

It feels like a gang.

I don't think I want to be part of a gang.

Well, neither do I.

So you know what that means, don't you?

Someone's going to have to go.

I haven't got a seat.

Do you want to borrow one, then?

There aren't any.

I always have a seat.

I can't not have a seat.

Oh, here, have mine.

I had to go home and finish some work, according to my head of department.

I never said you had to.

What for that?

Just out of interest, how did you get paid to do those reports?

I lied.

I know.

It's a bit like Doctor Who, isn't it?

Sorry? And every time they replaced one doctor with another, they'd have to go

through that regeneration thing.

And there'd always be that bit when the old doctor and the new doctor would come

face to face.

You know?

Not really.

Well, it's like me and you, isn't it?

I left, you replaced me, and now we're... It's like when Sylvester McCoy

replaced Colin Bates.

Are you comparing me to Sylvester McCoy?

No, no, no, I'm just saying it's weird, the situation. I mean, the only reason

you're here at all is because I left.

I imagine it's weirder for you than it is for me.

You come back for your old job, and the bloke that replaced you is now your

superior. Well, I wouldn't exactly say superior. But I am your head of

department. Only one bulb's away.

Which could be right up until you leave again.

See you out there.

I don't mind if the world should fall apart.

You don't think he's a bit... Perfect?

Faultless? Open yourself.

Since when?

Since he's been standing in for Bob. I mean, he's taken this head of department

stuff a bit seriously.

I've noticed.

Simon Mattson, eh? He's definitely changed him. You only met him last week.

Why have you gone in for Mattson?

I haven't!

So now you want it to shatter?

If he were female, that's the top bloke, and we're still... I don't know.

Ah.

Allow me.

Pick me half a night.

I'll get Luke to pop it up. I'll do a theory about it. Something else. I'll

it to him, you know.

Thank you.

I have to go help.

All right.

Disappointing response to the amnesty bin, I must say.

Mr McKenna, what is that?

It's a tin of coffee.

Other hand?

Swiss army knife.

A weapon?

It's a tool.

What?

24 uses. And could one of those 24 uses be injuring another human being?

Well... In the amnesty bin, please.

Can you type these up for me?

I'll see what I can do.

I'd like Claire to have it by the end of the day, but you don't mind.

The thing is, you are so nice to me. No.

Correct me if I'm wrong, but isn't it part of your job description to aid and

assist the administrative requirements of heads of departments?

Bob and I have an arrangement.

Which is?

I don't do his stuff.

He doesn't complain.

Well, Bob is no longer in charge.

This isn't important.

But even you little ladies know that's just a lie to you.

Did you know Matt's arranged a

departmental meeting during lunch?

That's what departments do.

It's not my department.

Simon, if you're not happy in your work, you should leave.

Oh, no, wait. You tried that already, didn't you?

I haven't come back, come back. I'm just on supply.

And how's that working out for you?

Well, no cares, no worries, no responsibility.

No security, no respect, no sick pay.

What? What are you looking at?

Are you aware that you're getting wrinkled?

I've not had the night doing that report.

Oh, yeah, the one that Bob forgot to tell you about.

What's that look for?

What look?

Not little I know something you don't look.

There's nothing smug about it.

You do know something.

Me? I'm just a supply teacher. No respect, no security.

You don't know anything.

Face it, Simon.

You're out of the loop. What loop?

The loop of important information.

You've been away too long.

And once you're out, You can never get back in. I know something you'd like to

know.

No, you don't.

Don't care if you beg me, I'm not going to tell you.

You were supposed to write that report, not me.

Technically, Bob was supposed to write it.

He told you anyway.

It doesn't matter who told me.

Byron? Of course.

I knew I couldn't check.

Well?

I'm waiting for an apology.

For what?

You lied to me.

No. I motivated you. If I told you it was Bob's report, would you have stayed

all night writing it?

Of course I wouldn't.

Then what alternative did I have?

The alternative is that you could have done it yourself, like you were supposed

to.

Never even occurred to me.

You're really getting a kick out of this, aren't you?

This is an improvement.

If I'm going to have to use an office, it may as well be clean and free from

disease.

Didn't Bob's desk used to be over there?

I move things around slightly.

You know what you're doing, don't you?

You're marking your territory.

Bob did it in his way, you're doing it in your way. I think Bob might have

literally marked out his territory.

Check out the thing in the corner. I'll take your word for it.

Time for a quickie? I can't, I've got a meeting with the department.

You're making them work through their lunch break.

So?

Heads of department are wankers. They're hated by everyone.

Yeah.

I've been thinking long and hard about that.

And?

Fuck them.

And that's a proven management technique, is it? This is a lose -lose

If I'm nice, they don't do what I say. If I'm a bastard, they do it, but they

hate me.

Better to be hated and lazy than liked and busy.

Exactly.

Take a seat, everyone.

You've moved, Bob says.

That's right.

He's not going to like that. Well, Bob's not here, is he?

And neither is Simon, I notice.

Let's just crack on without him, shall we?

First of all, I wanted to have a chat.

Sorry, sorry.

What have I missed?

I can't get rid of Timothy.

A pattern for bouldery leather.

You named your knife Timothy.

He has to name a knife.

If I'm lucky, not two.

But why not Ricardo or Tobias?

Strong, knife -like names.

Timothy was the name of the kid who left it in my leg.

He was damned.

Well, in a roundabout sort of way.

You mean it was an accident?

And this knife, my lucky trinket.

Has it brought you much luck?

I've never been in a fight since I've had it.

That's not why you never get into fights.

Why don't I, then?

Because you're small and weedy -looking.

And because you hang around with me.

I'm not giving him up.

I don't care what anyone says.

Mr McKenna.

Clare.

What's that in your pocket?

Around.

So what I'm proposing is we cover the extra lessons on a rosa basis.

I'm talking here.

Thank you.

What?

Message. If you're going to interrupt a meeting, you could at least knock.

Come in.

Message. Yes, yes, we know. A message for Simon.

But let's get a new rule in here. Anyone entering this office should knock

first. Bob never made us knock.

This is supposed to be a departmental meeting.

All I wanted to do was discuss schemes of work.

Well, doesn't Bob usually do them? Bob has his way of doing things, and I have

mine. I think I prefer Bob. Me too.

Well, Bob's not fucking here, is he?

Where are you going?

I'm not going to be here next year, so there's no point in me doing schemes of

work.

Well, if he's not doing them, neither am I.

If you want them, we can all stay behind and do it after school.

You're threatening us with detention.

Will you both just sit down and do what I tell you, please?

You can't make us do anything.

Well, we'll see what Claire has to say about it then, shall we?

He's bluffing.

When a head of department gives you an order, you follow it.

I appreciate that Bob isn't here, but that doesn't give you a licence to do

whatever you want.

Any word on when he's coming back?

When he's good and ready.

Something wrong?

Sorry, just...

Matt

is in charge of the English department.

If you don't like that, Simon, then you know where the door is.

It's roughly in the same place as the last time you walked out on us. Hasn't

anyone forgiven me for that?

I would expect you to extend the same professional courtesies to Matt as you

would to Bob.

Do what he tells you.

Do you understand that? Yes, Claire.

Simon?

Yes, Claire.

I handled that really badly, didn't I?

It took a lot of courage to bring that problem to me.

Courage? To alienate your friends like that.

I'll probably never trust you again.

I hadn't really thought it through.

Every teacher eventually reaches the same crossroads.

They have to ask themselves, do I want to remain in the rut or move up?

Can you move up at a crossroads?

Don't be pedantic, Matt.

Sorry, I'm just not sure I'm the right person for this job.

How would you like to live in a world where you have respect?

A world where you're feared.

A world where people do whatever you tell them to. Not just children, but

adults.

Is that the sort of place that would appeal to you?

Kayla, what are you doing out of class?

I'm really sick.

I've been chugging up everywhere.

Back in class now.

Are you finished?

I think so.

Good. Now get back in, Cloud.

Are you sure you got this right? He dragged us into her office. It was

embarrassing. You wouldn't do that.

It's just not very Matt.

What did you do to piss him off? Nothing.

And even if I did do something, that's no excuse for what he did in return.

Claire's made him head of department.

You can't give someone power and responsibility and then expect them not

it. He's only acting head of department. Bob isn't dead yet.

At least, I don't think he is.

So you've got in a bit of trouble with Claire. So what? So what?

Yeah, what do you care? You're going to be gone again soon.

Matt won't be head of department. He won't be your problem.

Well, he's the principal. He can't just do that and get away with it.

Well, you could challenge him to a fight.

No, I'm not going to do that. It's beneath me. And Matt would win.

I don't know.

We're both middleweights.

Matt's not carrying any fat.

He's all muscle.

But if Simon felt dirty, eye -gouging, hair -pulling... It's not going to be a

fight, OK? We just need to... ..teach him a lesson.

We?

Yeah. We.

If you really think about it, all this is your fault.

How? Matt's only here because you went away.

If you're responsible for him being here, you're responsible for everything

does. Including grassing you up to Claire.

So you've only got yourself to blame.

I can't believe I'm hearing this. Look, what Matt did was out of order.

Agreed. But we don't want to be too hard on him. I mean, he is the head of

department now.

Come in.

Come in.

It's open.

Did you want me for anything?

I don't think so. Penny?

No.

Okay, then.

Just checking.

Oh, Matt?

Yeah. In future, before you answer, would you mind giving a little...

When you rise above the position of supplied teacher, maybe I'll consider

That really showed him.

Come in.

I never thought I'd utter these three words, but I'm going to.

I miss Bob.

I really miss Bob.

We are talking about the same Bob, aren't we? Oh, you're not so bad.

Okay, he might not be the most hygienic man in the world. I'll vouch for that.

And he might have some mental health issues, and sure, he's tight with his

money, and maybe he's driven by hatred and envy, but the one good thing you can

say about Bob is... Did you?

No.

Thought I had one.

Is that a group or a gang?

That's a group.

But when Lindsay and Matt get here... Go and tell Liz and Carol to go out.

You do it.

I don't want to sit in a gang.

Free table over there.

You know what you're suggesting, don't you?

Let's agree.

I'll go if you come with me.

Okay.

Let's do it.

Where are they going?

Do you think they're going to see us?

Kurt. What do you think you're doing?

I'm just getting their attention.

They're happy over there. Leave them be.

How do you know they're happy over there?

All right.

I'm happy they're over there.

Isn't that enough for you?

I don't think I've ever sat here before.

There's a different smell.

That'll be the piss.

Nearer the box.

So we are.

There's one thing down for it.

It's even more comfy.

I noticed that. You know what that is, don't you?

Lindsay has a big arse.

Still here?

Marking. You?

I have a department meeting.

Half a dozen neurotics, drinking tea and comparing a record.

So, what's going on with you and Simon?

Oh, you'll have to ask him.

Did you report him to Claire?

He let me know to her.

He appears to have a problem with me being his head of department.

Simon hasn't got a problem with you. He's got a problem with your new job

that's all.

OK.

What's going on?

Nothing.

We just like it over here.

It stinks of piss.

Yeah, but... Have a seat.

If you must know, Kurt and I have decided we don't want to be part of a

anymore.

When it was a group, everything was fine.

But now it's a gang. What the fuck are you talking about?

Remember all those brilliant conversations we used to have?

All those heated debates on what makes Y funds better than briefs.

Regardless of whether or not you use the Y.

Always nice to have the option. Exactly.

But now it's a gang.

We don't talk about important stuff like that anymore.

What we ever talk about now are periods.

I'm not talking about periods. Women always talk about periods. They can't

themselves. They're obsessed.

I bet you if we went over there right now, they'd be talking about periods.

Why do they call it a black hole exactly?

Something to do with gravity crushing matter in it.

Isn't that a dimensionless point? It's a singularity.

I think you'll find that a black hole is the space around the singularity.

And they call it a hole because?

Because nothing that goes in can ever travel fast enough to escape.

I see.

Well, I'm glad we cleared that up.

Shall we get some more crisps?

Come to the pub.

Why? So I can listen to Kurt and Brian talk about their favourite style of

It's got to be a little bit more to life, surely.

Like what?

Working late at the office?

Look... In a couple of days, Bob will come back to the old gate and everything

will get back to normal.

What if he doesn't come back?

Of course he'll come back. Who else is going to employ him? What if he's really

ill?

I would wait half the night thinking about it.

What if Bob dies?

Look, you can't worry about stuff like that.

I mean, I know it's normal.

Someone gets ill and you start to think about your own mortality.

I mean, will Claire offer me his position on a full -time basis or not?

she does, do I accept it?

What? Is that wrong with me?

Wanting Bob's job or praying you get something terminal?

You know what I mean.

Imagine a world where people respect you.

Where they do what you tell them to do.

Imagine a world where everyone thinks you're a wanker. And they call you a

wanker behind your back because you're being a wanker. If Bob dies, do you

Claire will let me paint in it?

Where's Matt?

I tried his mobile. I don't want him in.

Why not?

You know why not.

Work and the pub are separate.

No, they're not. If you're a twat at work, you're a twat in the pub.

Message. I don't want him in the pub with me.

So who do you want?

We'll have you on Mondays and Wednesdays, Matt on Tuesdays and

you can do alternate Fridays.

You're choosing him over me. No, we're choosing both of you.

I still don't understand why you don't like him. Because he stitched me up with

Claire. Bob would have done exactly the same.

Yeah, but Bob's allowed to because Bob's... Bob.

So the problem isn't that you don't like Matt.

It's that you do like him.

Exactly.

Lindsay!

What are you sitting here for?

Fresh outlook.

You haven't seen Matt, have you? 5 '10", dark hair, starting to act like a

wanker. He's working late.

He's not coming here afterwards, is he?

He won't if he thinks you're here.

Do you hear that?

He won't even drink in the same pub as me.

Right.

There's nothing else for it.

I hate myself for doing this, but I don't have a choice.

Where are you going? I'm going to find Bob.

I don't care if he's on his deathbed.

I'm bringing him back.

Whoa! Ow!

What the fuck was that?

Simon and Lindsay are definite.

How do you feel about Pen?

I do enjoy staring at her. I have to admit.

I suppose we have to invite Carol, since she's pregnant.

If you invite Carol, you've got to ask me.

You know we've forgotten, don't you?

Like Simon said, he's the head of department now.

Yeah, but he's still a mate.

Well, where's Matt going to find time to come down and pub?

True. And even if he did make it down there, he used to say he'd want to sit

with us.

So how many is that?

Including us?

Seven.

Is that a gang or a group?

Jesus, Bob.

We all thought you were dying.

Or a testicle down at least.

Root canal work.

Teeth were giving me hell all day Monday. Stopped him for the dentist.

I had an infection he had to drill down there and then.

Pus had been leaking into the root for weeks.

That'll explain the breath problem.

What breath problem?

Did I say breath problem?

I thought someone else said breath problem.

How are you, Bob?

On the mend.

Hey, you've been standing in for me.

Just trying to keep things ticking over.

Matt.

I believe you've got something that belongs to me.

I always wondered what grasshoppers taste like.

It's supposed to be a delicacy.

Only in countries that don't deliver pizza.

You ever tried a maggot? No.

Have you?

Any bloke who's gone fishing's eaten maggots.

I get through them like peanuts.

What do they taste of?

A bit like an earthworm, just not as meaty.

And an earthworm tastes of...? Not too dissimilar to a slug.

OK.

Tell him to pin him down and fight for Auburn. Save us a win or something.

Ah, and your invitation.

To a party?

Just a few drinks in the pub tonight.

You mean like we always do?

Kurt and I have made some changes.

We would be delighted if you'd join us.

You want to see me? Get in here.

What the hell do you think you've been doing?

I don't follow.

My desk.

Oh, yeah. Oh, I moved it slightly.

Slightly? It's on the other side of the bloody room.

Now, give us a hand to switch it back.

Was that all? I suppose you've enjoyed yourself, haven't you?

How do you mean?

Well, the job.

This fucking job.

If that's how you feel, maybe it's time you stepped aside.

What, let someone else run the department?

Someone like you,

perhaps? I don't think I've done such a bad job, Bob.

Sit down for a minute. I'm supposed to be in a class. Sit down.

Believe it or not, I used to be a lot like you.

I had the hair, the body.

The friends, the wife who hadn't left me.

And do you know where it all went wrong?

Right here.

The desk. The job.

I used to be able to give my wife orgasms.

Dozens of them.

But then I got promoted and I never heard that yelp again.

Please, don't tell me stuff like that, Bob.

As soon as I had the power, I lost my delicate touch.

I started believing that I was someone special.

And now she's getting retuned every night by the fucking satellite engineer.

As you know, she's probably chewing on his earlobe even as we speak. Bob.

I'm telling you this for your own good.

The moment you are made head of department, this is what happens.

Everybody hates you.

And after a while, you start to hate yourself.

So you've got to ask yourself a question, Matt.

Is this what you want to become?

I thought not.

So go on, son.

You get out while you still can.

Simon. Official invitation.

Oh, cheers.

What's that for?

Matt.

Kurt, did you bring Matt's invitation?

You said not to print on the file.

Don't be stupid.

You must have misheard me.

Ah, here it is.

Sorry about the typo. Dear Carol.

Kurt, I hit the wrong key.

Five times.

Cheers.

Saw Bubz back then.

Yeah. Just had a chat with him. Root canal.

So he said.

Yeah.

Look. About that stuff with Claire.

What stuff with Claire?

With you and Penny.

When I... You know.

Oh, when you grabbed us up? Yeah.

That might have been a little bit, um... You know.

Out of order?

I think I was going through some sort of breakdown.

I haven't given it a second thought.

I had an invite, Carol.

Oh, well.

Don't stay too late.

Still here, Carol?

I'll take that, shall I?

You think they can't see us?

They know where we are.

You're sure?

I drew a fucking map on the invitations.

You've seen us, haven't you?

They're in right there, Bob.

What's Bob doing here?

We invited him.

He's been alone in his bed fit all week.

Might just want some company.

Would it hurt to spend just one evening listening to him?

Possibly. Yesterday you wanted the man dead, but now you want us to drink with

him. You wanted to kill Bob.

No, I wanted him to die of natural causes.

And that's all right, because... Like you lot, I've never wished Bob would

Nibble? So, how is everyone?

Same as always.

Mr.

Cold. It's so dark over here.

It's definitely colder.

There's a free table over there.

We're staying here.

Now? I think it's this.

Oh, that's it.

An evening with Bob's better than this.

I'm coming too.

Kurt, stop them.

You stop them.

Fine. We don't need them.

Didn't want to invite those two anywhere. I was only being polite.

See, I've got a pound coin.

Tag machine.

Not exactly.

What then?

You don't want to know.

How do you know I don't know that?

Because I just know. Tell me.

Or you don't get the pound coin.

I need it for the tampon machine.

Right, that's it. Fuck off.

My pleasure.

How was your day, Matt?

Shippy.

If you must know.

Simon told us that if you were a girl, then he'd shag you.

Thanks.

Thanks a fucking lot.

Well,

I think that went okay, don't you?

I'm going to put you down.

It's not enough.