Original subtitles

Here we are, face to face, like the fuzz of a pool.

Hoping to find two of a kind.

Making it go, making it grow.

Together, we're going to find our way.

Together, taking the time each day.

To learn all about those things you just can't find.

The two silver spoons together.

You and together.

Yeah, I like the message, too. Rock to your butt.

Sounds great on your stereo.

Oh, thanks.

But if you think it sounds good over there, you should listen to it over

Uh -oh.

Yeah, you see, my dad had those speakers strategically placed so that the

optimum stereo separation converges right here on the couch.

The middle of the couch.

That is better.

Yes, it is.

You know, Eileen, the first time we met in chemistry, I felt there was a certain

something between us.

You know, a kind of chemistry.

And then when we started sharing a Bunsen burner, I felt... How should I

this?

A sort of fire between us.

What? My foot's asleep.

Oh, here. Let me help you.

Oh, that feels good.

Oh, yeah?

Is anything else asleep?

Never mind.

So, what were you saying?

Who cares?

didn't expect you home so soon.

Obviously.

Um, this is Eileen. She was helping me with my, um, my, um, chemistry.

Well, thanks a lot, Eileen. I couldn't have done it without you.

Yeah, I'll see you later. Okay.

It was nice meeting you, Mr. and Mrs. Stratton.

Oh.

Nice meeting you.

I've got to go get ready for Grandma.

She's not due for another hour.

Well, I'm a slow dresser.

Rick.

You know, I don't think it was a real good idea to bring a girl back here when

we weren't home. Oh, come on, Dad. She wasn't up in my room or anything.

I didn't violate that rule.

You violated the spirit of that rule.

Yeah, but, Dad, we were just kissing.

With your shoes off?

Hey, Kate, didn't you tell me never to put my shoes on the furniture?

I was obeying that rule.

Well, here's a new rule.

No girls in the house when we're not home.

Oh, Dad, come on. That's not fair.

I'm not a kid anymore. I'm almost 17 years old.

That's why there's a new rule.

What's that?

It's a candy dish.

Grandma Mildred gave it to us for our anniversary last year. Oh, that's right.

First year anniversary's paper, second year's wood, third year must be tacky.

Oh, be nice.

As soon as Grandma leaves, I'll put it back in the closet. Good.

Next to the things your father gave them.

Oh, for now.

Hey, I got it.

There you are.

Thank you.

We're so glad to see you. How was your flight?

Well, it was quite bumpy.

Until we got in the air, and then it was fine.

Why don't we go on in and relax, huh?

Oh, great. But first I want you all to meet Chester.

Where's Chester?

Chester!

There's Chester.

Gosh, come on in, Chester. I'm awfully sorry.

That's okay.

Well, I'm Edward.

How do you do? How are you? Glad to know you.

And this is my granddaughter, Kate.

How do you do? Hi, nice to meet you.

And this is Rick.

Hi, Rick. Hi, how are you? Say, go out and have a good time.

Hey, thanks.

I'll go out and have a good time.

Well, if we're all here, why don't we go sit down and relax?

So, Grandma, is Chester the big surprise you wrote us about? Yes, he is.

He's my main squeeze.

So, how did you two kids meet?

Well, you heard of the love boat?

Oh, a cruise.

How romantic.

No, we were watching the show.

At the Golden Hills Country Club. Yes, and right in the most exciting part.

Chester whispered in my ear, let's blow this joint.

You smooth -talking devil.

So I took her out for a pepperoni pizza.

And you've been sharing heartburn ever since.

Yes.

Oh, and then when I told Chester I was going to come to New York for a few

he said he just couldn't bear to be without me.

And she bought it.

I haven't been to New York in years, and I'm dying to show Mildred some of my

old haunts. Don't say dying.

I'll tell you what. We'll paint the big apple red, and it's on me.

Well, fine. We'll get started first thing in the morning.

Hell no. Let's hit the road.

Don't you want to rest?

Oh, we can rest later.

She's right.

It's time to party.

They say the neon lights are bright on broad.

Aren't you coming with us, Rick?

Yeah, no thanks, Dad. I've seen the lights on Broadway.

Besides, I have a date with Eileen.

But, Dad, not here. We're meeting at burgers. There's going to be tons of

there. It's Friday night.

Come on, let's go.

Keep your shirt on.

And you keep your shoes on.

Jack, where have you guys been? It's after midnight.

Oh, is that all?

Well, those poops said it was late.

Are we home yet?

I don't understand it. I thought you young people liked to dance.

Not slam dancing.

I wasn't slam dancing. That was my trick knee.

Oh, Rick.

How was your date tonight?

Fantastic.

Yeah, but not that fantastic.

Well, after one, I'm going to hit the sack.

Well, I think we should get some rest, too.

Oh, Rick, why don't you take Grandma's bag out to her room?

Oh, sure, Kate.

Where should I put Chester's bag?

You can put it in my room.

Don't say a word until I get back.

Well, your grandma's full of surprises.

Edward, what are we going to do?

Honey, there's nothing you can do.

Edward, that's my grandmother.

She bakes apple pie.

She knits.

She writes thank you notes.

Maybe Chester should write her one.

Come on, honey, I don't think there's anything to get that upset about.

Yeah, but Edward, she raised me.

She gave me my values, and now she's spending the night with someone she's

even married to. Well, honey, they had a very busy night. They'll probably just

sleep.

Well, I put the lovebirds in their room, and they're taking their shoes off.

So, who's going to enforce the hanky -panky rule?

This is not funny.

Well, surely they're not going to be allowed to spend the night in the same

bedroom. I mean, when I can't even bring a girl into this house.

This is different.

Oh, so I see. There's a double standard here.

Rick, I know that this may seem like there's a double standard to you.

Yes? That's because there is.

Oh, okay, as long as there's a good reason.

Good night, Rick.

Who would have thought my great -grandma would turn out to be a swinger?

Good night, Rick.

They say the neon lights are bright on Broadway.

Wonderful.

He thinks his great -grandmother is hot to trot.

Yeah.

Honey, come on. I think it's nice that she found a little companionship.

But Grandpa knew about this. He'd turn over in his grave.

I thought he was cremated.

Have to turn over in his jar.

This isn't funny.

I know.

I mean, she's led a very protected life.

Well, now she's got Chester to protect her.

Well, what do we know about this man, huh?

We know he's a hell of a slam dancer.

He could be filling her head with all kinds of lies.

You know, he could be a love him and leave him kind of a guy.

Chester? I've seen this type before, you know, shifty eyes, tight -lipped smile.

Honey, he's trying to keep his teeth in.

Edward, I'm worried about her. I mean, this goes against everything she ever

stood for.

I think it's time for a little talk with Chester. I mean, we need to know his

intentions. Well, honey, if you feel that strongly about it, you go right

and have a talk with him.

Well, actually, I'd feel better if you had a talk with him.

Me? Well, you know, man to man.

Honey, you're much better at man to man talks than me.

Well, I'm serious, Edward.

Please?

Hmm?

Do it for me?

Please? Pretty good at woman -to -man talk, too.

Oh. Hey,

morning, Dad.

Hey, boy.

So, have the lovebirds come down yet?

No. No? After all, they had a pretty busy night.

I bet.

I meant all the dancing.

Yeah, sure.

Good morning, good morning.

Oh, Sixer, well, we thought you were still in bed.

At 8 o 'clock in the morning, the whole day would be gone.

No, I was just taking a nice walk around the grounds.

Ah.

Uh, Rick, why don't you see how Kate's doing with breakfast, huh?

What for? She does fine.

Why don't you see if she needs some help?

Dad, she'll only kick me out of there.

Rick? Yeah? Get out of here.

I'm leaving, I'm leaving.

Chester, please, sit down. Thank you.

You know, Chester, Kate's kind of worried about her grandmother.

What's she worried about?

Well, what kind of plans do you and Mildred have?

Well, we plan on an early lunch, and then tonight maybe we'll see a movie.

No, I mean long range.

Listen, at our age, that is long range.

Seriously, now, do you have plans to settle down, tie the knot, get

hitched?

You mean are we going to get married?

You could put it that way.

I'd love to, but you won't have me.

What do you mean she won't have you? I've asked her to marry me plenty of

She says no. I even got down on my knees and begged.

Took me half an hour to get up.

Oh, you're exaggerating, Rick.

I'm sure your father didn't chase you out of there.

Uh, Rick, go get the paper.

Dad, you already got the paper.

Then wait for tomorrow's edition.

Dad, if you want to talk to Kate, just say so.

Rick. Dad, it would take me 20 seconds to get the paper. I'd be back here.

give me something else. Rick, get out of here.

I'm gone. I'm gone.

Edward, did you have your man -to -man talk? Well, I spoke with Chester, if

that's what you mean. Yeah, and?

And your grandmother's a party animal.

What? Honey, Chester's asked her several times to marry him, and she keeps

saying no.

Well, that doesn't make any sense. That doesn't sound like my grandmother.

Doesn't sound like any grandmother.

Bunny slam.

Body slam.

That's it.

Crush him.

I didn't know you liked wrestling.

Well, I didn't until Chester turned me on to it.

That's nice. Sounds like he's opening new horizons for you.

Oh, yeah. I'll say.

And it's also nice to see you have companionship. Well, thank you, dear.

sweet. Well, we all need companionship.

Oh, you are so right.

You know, for years it's a house full of relatives, children, and grandchildren,

and all of a sudden they're all grown up and they leave.

Yeah,

and then you and Grandpa were all alone.

Yes.

And then Grandpa died.

Yeah, he went so fast.

He did everything fast.

But your grandpa and I shared some wonderful times together.

And then when he was gone, there was nothing.

Just nothing for me.

Until Chester came along.

Well, you know, we like Chester a lot. A whole lot.

Well, what's not to like?

That man is a hunk.

Well, I just brought it up in case you were worried or wanted to know. We love

Chester. Me too.

You do?

Oh, so you love him, and I get the feeling he might, well, have strong

for you, too.

Could be.

Oh, do I hear bells?

Yes, that's the end of the match.

No, Grandma, I was talking about wedding bells.

Oh, so that's what this is all about, is it?

I was wondering when you'd bring that up.

Well, I certainly hope you don't think I was prying.

Well, what would you call it?

Well, I, uh, prying.

Look, Kate, what Chester and I do is our own concern and nobody else's.

So I'll thank you to mind your own business.

Hey, Grandma, I thought you were watching wrestling.

I was.

What's wrong? Is Killer Kelly losing?

No, it's just that I'm getting sick and tired of people telling me what to do.

Yeah, tell me about it.

Like she doesn't think I know what I'm doing, like I'm a child or something.

I know the feeling.

Who are we talking about?

Kate. Telling me I ought to marry Chester.

Not that I don't like Chester or anything.

I like him a lot.

It's just that marriage is something you don't rush into.

That's what I keep telling Eileen.

You know, it's been three years since my Henry died.

And I'm still not over it.

Sometimes it seems like Henry's still with me.

Did Henry ever meet Chester?

No, I don't believe he ever did.

Why do you ask?

No reason.

I'll bet you you would have liked him.

Yes, I think you're right.

Henry would have liked Chester.

Well, I guess we got everything.

Edward, Mildred and I sure did have a good time.

I wouldn't mention that to Kate.

I want to thank you for your hospitality.

You get out to Ohio. I want to return the favor.

George Springfield's a little tame compared to the Big Apple.

Oh, I'll bet he has a lot to offer.

Not really.

But whenever we get in the mood to have a real wild time in the big city, we

just hop in the car and tool on up to Akron.

Oh, Grandma.

Is it... That time already?

Oh, I'm afraid so, dear. But before I go... No, I've got to tell you

Yesterday, I was way, way, way out of line.

Well, maybe we both were. But, honey... Please, let me finish.

What you do with your life is your business and no one else's.

Kate... I never should have opened my mouth to begin with.

We're getting married. And not only that... You're getting married!

As soon as we get back home.

Oh!

Wonderful. Oh, I am so happy for you. Thank you.

Well, what happened? What changed your mind?

Something I said, huh?

No.

Actually, it was something Rick said.

But you got me started.

I realized that I wasn't standing in the way as much as your grandfather was.

Oh? Well, I just couldn't see Chester and me living in the same house with all

those memories.

Oh, so what happened?

We're buying a condo. Oh, all right. Come on, sweet, thanks. We'll miss our

plane. Okay, honey lamb.

Kate, guess what Chester just told me? Yeah, Grandma and Chester are getting

married.

Lucky guess.

What's this about getting married?

Rick, you're... Let me tell him.

Chester and I are getting married.

You don't have to, do you?

Great, Grandma.

Yes, it is.

But just in case you learned the wrong lesson from all of this, if I ever hear

of you living with a girl and not being married, you'd better be 68 years old or

I'll come back here and take you over my knee.