Original subtitles

We're going to find our way

together,

taking the time each day.

To learn all about those things you just can't buy.

The two silver spoons together.

had to share a tattoo.

I think that's bad. My sister had it first.

So now I got a tattoo that says, I love Frank.

You've been great. Enjoy the rest of the show.

Are you kidding? You let me pick a plate for dinner and now this? Oh, we're glad

you're having fun. It's not every day that you make the National Honor

It sure isn't. You keep that up, you can go to any college you want. Yeah, even

Harvard. It's not going to Harvard.

It's going to Yale.

What is wrong with Harvard?

Well, for one thing, Yale is a lot closer to home. Dad, keep your hand on

Dad, keep your hand on me. Rick, please, this doesn't concern you.

Excuse me, folks. Am I bothering you?

I'm sorry. We were just... Just talking through my act.

Yeah.

I have a feeling I saw the three of you in a department store window somewhere.

Who's the blonde kid? Is this take a Viking to dinner week?

No, this is my son. We're celebrating.

Oh, I see. Then there was a reason to spoil my act.

Yes.

I mean, no.

I mean, we just wanted to go someplace nice.

Uh -huh.

Yeah, but we came here instead.

Hey, money.

Well, let me tell you that you're lucky you got this table because there's a lot

of people that like to get in here. Like the health inspector.

Chew, chew.

I got news for you, son. The health inspector has never been here.

mail him his drive.

Fast, fast. He's fast, let me tell you. Waitress, I'll take their check and I'll

double it.

Right now, my favorite part of the evening, here's some music to order

by. Hit it, Mozart.

Hello, folks.

Can I join you? My name's Jackie Wayne. Oh, yeah, certainly.

My name's Ed Stratton. Yeah, I hope you're not angry with us. No, not at

Are you kidding? Gee, you were wonderful. You came up with a lot of

kid. Yeah, he takes after his dad.

Oh, yeah, that's a good one, too.

You know something? You're a natural, kid.

I run a comedy workshop, and I think you ought to join up.

I won't be shipped overseas, will I?

Want some more coffee, hon? Oh, please, anything to help me wake up. Did I tell

you two what a great time I had last night? Oh, I think you might have

it nine or ten times.

Well, we're glad you enjoyed yourself.

You know, I've been thinking about what Jackie said last night.

You mean about the rabbi, the minister, and the priest in the jacuzzi?

No, I mean about Rick being a natural.

Huh? Yeah, I think it might be fun for you to take that comedy workshop, hon.

Really? You're not serious.

I am serious. It would be good for him. Help him gain confidence, think on his

feet, pick up girls.

See, he's already sounding like Jackie Wayne.

I think it's a great idea.

Well, Rick, I think it's great that you're showing an interest, but don't

think you're a little young?

Young? I'm almost 17.

Come on, Kate, most of the guys there were just a couple of years older than

Yeah, Kate, a lot of young people are going into comedy. Guys, I was only a

couple of years older than Rick when I formed my first folk group.

Well, that wasn't comedy. That was just music.

It wasn't just music.

We had snappy patter between songs.

Snappy patter?

Is that what you get when you eat bad shellfish?

I'll show you. Where's my guitar?

In the library closet.

I think I saw it under your Nehru jacket.

What's a Nehru jacket?

Happened to have been the height of fashion in the 1960s. For about a week.

the workshop interfere with school?

Well, not really, Kate. It's in the afternoon after school.

Oh. Besides, Dad's right. It would be fun to try.

I mean, that's what you've always told me to do, isn't it? To at least try

things? True. We have always given you that advice. We just never thought you'd

follow it.

Here we go. I'll show you what I mean. Now, there was this song we used to do.

It was kind of the ultimate protest song.

And we called it the ultimate protest song.

It protested 24 endangered species, nine countries, five wars, flood, fire,

famine, disease, and rude salespeople.

Come along and listen to my song.

I promise not to make it very long.

Don't you ever trust a person over 30.

They're just not with it, and their politics are dirty.

Guys, nobody trusted anybody over 30 in those days.

That's still a good rule.

Except for you two.

Ah, yeah. Let's see if I can remember this thing. Let the rivers blow free.

Let the lakes overflow.

Let the air be clean. Dad, I'm going to go to the workshop,

okay? Okay, son, you do that, and I'll sing this for Kate. Yeah.

Let the green forest grow.

Let the poor be clothed. Let the hungry be fed.

Let's put the workers to work.

And the tired...

Or you could go offstage with one of these.

That always works. There is another question that my students always ask.

say, where do you find comedy? Well, fun seekers, comedy is everywhere.

You don't believe me?

Lionel, stand up.

Now get a load of this sweater.

There's got to be five minutes of jokes right here.

What are you supposed to be, a flag for a third world country?

Who's your tailor, Stevie Wonder?

Tell the truth, Lionel.

Did you roll a clown?

Okay, Lionel, sit down. Thanks a lot. You see, comedy is everywhere, and don't

be afraid to use props.

Rick, do me a favor. Hold still. I'm going to take your picture.

Aha!

Came out a little fuzzy.

You see what I mean?

Comedy never sleep... sleep... sleep... a chap!

Comedy never sleeps.

Listen, we're almost out of time. We just have time to recap.

Remember, fool your audience, come up with the unexpected.

Let's give it a try.

I was walking down the street and I slipped on a banana salesman.

Good!

My friend is in the hospital.

He got hit in the nose with a... Nerf.

I saw it coming, Rick, but not bad.

Thanks. Well, we're out of time.

Gang, I want you to go home and work on your routines.

And remember, best student gets to do a five -minute spot on this stage

on a Saturday night for a paying audience.

Now, I thought you'd like that. Are there any questions?

Yeah, what's it pay?

Are there any other questions?

It was a good dinner, hon.

You didn't eat much of it.

Well, I kind of lost my appetite when I opened the refrigerator door and saw

Rick's plastic barf.

Why couldn't he have taken up something a little less annoying, like the drums?

Well, he's been at it for two weeks. He's bound to lose interest.

Eating again?

Yeah, a tongue sandwich.

You know, Dad, I'll bet you there's some cow out there right now going...

That's terrible.

Better than plastic barf.

Hey, look, quick impression, all right? A mixed -up robber.

Stick me up and give me my wallet.

Cute. Funny.

Hey, look.

Little orphan Annie.

Rick, I... Do you mind? We're in the middle of a game.

Gosh,

looks pretty bad for you, Dad.

You know, Dad, it may look better if you used these.

Don't you have some homework you can do, son?

I'm doing it.

Jackie says you've got to try out your material every chance you get.

That is not the homework your father was asking you about. How about math,

science, English?

Oh, I mean that stuff.

That stuff?

Oh, just kidding, Dad.

You know, Dad, there's something I've been meaning to tell you.

You know, if you hadn't encouraged me to join in that class, I never would have

done it.

So I guess I owe it all to you.

Thanks, Dad.

What took you so long?

Well, thanks to Rick, I just spent the last ten minutes trying to kill a rubber

spider.

Where is Rick? He's still getting dressed.

Good. Let's beat it out of here to work before he tells us another joke.

Hey!

Hold on.

Gosh,

we're in a hurry. Yeah, we're late.

Wait, wait, wait. I want to show you my impression of a Russian disc jockey.

You showed me that last night.

I did? Yeah.

The cage, cage.

Oh, and...

It's hysterical, Rick.

Well, thanks.

And by the way, Kate, I'm going to be home late for dinner. I've got comedy

workshop after school.

Today's class is very important.

What is it, rubber chicken day?

No, that was last week.

See, today we're trying out our routines for that Saturday night shot.

Well, good luck, son.

Boy, I'm going to need it. The competition's murder.

I'm sure you'll do fine.

Hey, hey, want to hear my monologue?

Now? You better get. Give me a lift to school. I'll do my whole act on the way.

Anything interesting?

Yeah, junk mail.

Bills.

I'll get it.

Hello?

Uh, just a minute. Edward?

Edward, it's Mr. Russell, Rick's vice principal.

I'll take the extension in the library.

Yeah, Mr. Russell, this is Edward Stratton. Is there a problem?

I'm afraid so.

As I started to tell Mrs. Stratton, Richard has become quite a problem in

several of his classes.

What?

Well, he finds it necessary to comment on everything in a humorous manner.

Oh, no.

His science teacher, his history, and his English teacher have all come to me

complaining.

You see, your son's joshing is making it very difficult for them to teach.

You mean he's doing jokes in class?

I'm afraid so.

Now, I enjoy a good knee swapper as much as the next fellow.

But there is a time and a place for everything.

There certainly is, Mr. Russell.

And I'm also afraid it's not just Richard's conduct that's at stake here.

His grades are slipping as well.

How bad?

If he keeps it up, he will fall off the other wall.

Will we?

I am afraid so.

Academia and comedy make poor bedfellows.

Well, I thank you for calling me, Mr. Russell, and you have my personal

guarantee that the old Rick Stratton, the pay -attention -in -class -and -get

-straight -A's Rick Stratton, will be in class first thing Monday morning.

That'd be terrific. Thank you.

Thank you.

I don't believe it.

Falling off the honor roll.

And if he's getting major boffos in science class, he's probably getting

yucks in homerooms.

What are you going to do?

I'm going to bring down the curtain on the comedy kid.

Hey, Dad. Kate.

I don't think I want to see that.

Have I got big news.

Good. Because I got big news for you.

Guess who won a shot on stage tomorrow night, Dad? I did. I did five minutes

the class. I killed, I destroyed, I maimed, I mangled, I massacred.

That's nice.

Well, Dad, what's your big news?

You're grounded.

Grounded. That's a good one, but it needs more of a setup.

It's not a joke, Rick. It's a real thing from real life. You remember real life?

Huh? We just got a call from your vice principal.

You received a phone call from Mr. Wessler.

Stop it. That's not funny.

He tells us you're becoming the class clown.

That's why I tell a few jokes. What's the harm?

Well, for one thing, you're denying yourself and your classmates an

to learn.

Okay, besides that.

He also says your grades are slipping, you're falling off the honor rope. Dad,

that's not such a big deal. Not such a... Listen, buddy, in this house,

good grades ranks right up there with breathing.

Come on, Rick, it's your job to get good grades so you can get into a good

college.

Dad, why do I have to go to college?

What? Well, Dad, Jackie Wayne never went.

You're talking about a man who sends fan mail to Pee Wee Herman.

But, Dad, I've got a lot of real potential. Tomorrow night is going to

life. I don't think it is, Rick.

But, Dad... You're grounded.

Hi, hon.

How'd you make out?

Oh, not so good.

The only movies they had left were Chainsaw Bloodbath and Sound of Music.

Well, honey, you don't want to have nightmares again.

You're right. We'll watch Chainsaw.

Where's Rick?

Said he was turning in.

I said, fine.

That was the longest conversation we had all day.

Well, I guess he's upset about the nightclub thing. He worked so hard and

You think I was too rough on him?

No, no. I'm sure you did the right thing, and I'm sure Rick will think so,

Someday.

I'm gonna go tell him you can go to the club.

What? I've suffered enough already.

I've seen this already.

What about that?

He's not in his room. He's not?

He snuck out.

What? Do you think he went to the nightclub? I know he went to the

Well, how can you be so sure?

His window's open, his pajamas are on the bed, and his googly eyes are

Is it just me, or is there, like, a lot of static in the air?

Sounds like a good audience, Jackie.

Yeah, you're really lucked out there. Terrific. There's no way you're gonna do

bad for this crowd.

Gee. Gee.

I don't believe I'm introducing a comic who says, gee, you're up next, Rick.

Knock them dead.

Okay, how about that?

See good?

Just great. You too can look like this. Just shampoo your hair in crazy glue.

Thanks a lot.

Just great.

Don't stick your finger in the light socket.

Listen, I've got a real treat for you right now. This is someone who's very

special to me and...

If you like comedy, you're really going to love this guy.

He's new to the comedy cave.

Give him a big, warm reception, will you?

Rick Stratton! Come on!

Okay, everyone, I know what you're thinking right now. Another grizzled

You know, I guess you could say I'm at that difficult age. Too young for women,

too old for underoos.

Actually, you know, I'm not that young. I mean, I'm old enough to remember boy

George.

You see, I like doing this because it gets me out of the house and away from

dad. I mean, my father is so old -fashioned, he thinks Motley Crue is a

knight on the love boat.

I'm not surprised. This man takes his television seriously.

I mean, he's one of those guys that talk back to the screen.

Look out, Skipper!

Gilligan's behind the tree!

You're the kid's old man, aren't you?

Yeah.

He's exaggerating that part about Gilligan.

Well, he's knocking them dead.

This kid could go far.

Gone too far already.

Yeah, you know, I figure if this doesn't work out, I could always go back to my

old job, being a poster boy for the rich and snobbish.

Hey, yo, I thought you were the poster boy for the dull and deadly.

Cute, cute, my first heckler.

I was hoping for a human.

I was hoping for a comic.

You want to make this world a better place? Leave it.

You want to make this a better show? Get off the stage.

Hey, do you mind? You know, people didn't come here to be bothered.

And I guess they didn't come here to be entertained either.

Oh, yeah?

What a snappy comeback.

Oh, yeah?

Funny, funny.

Yeah, um, how many people here watch television?

Oh, I do. And you look like one of the first.

Ever notice those TV commercials?

Boy, we could sure use one now.

Well, folks, it's way past my bedtime.

So thanks and good night.

Okay.

Rick Sutton.

Come on, laugh it up. I laugh when you watch. How much did you see?

I'm sorry.

Well, didn't you think I was funny about Motley Crue and the love boat?

That was funny.

Yeah, and that Gilligan's Island joke, that was a killer, wasn't it?

That was fun.

But, you know, maybe college isn't such a bad idea after all.

Well, it would give you insurance against the unexpected.

Right.

I'm sorry I spunk out, Dad.

I bet you are.

And seeing how I was so painfully humiliated in public, I assume there's

reason for any further punishment.

Now that's really fun.

Laughter.