Original subtitles

Here we are, face to face, a couple of silver spoons.

Hoping to find we're two of a kind.

Making a go, making it grow.

Together, we're going to find our way.

Together, taking the time each day.

To learn all about those things you just can't find.

Two silver spoons together.

You and I.

Together we're going to find our way.

You and I together.

We're going to find our way.

costumes you made for us don't look right.

Whatever the problem is, I'm sure we can fix it.

All right, so it needs a little something.

We're supposed to be the three musketeers.

We look more like Larry, Moe, and Curly.

And you didn't believe me when I said I didn't know how to sew.

Okay, now I believe you.

The hats look great.

That's because you didn't touch them.

Let me see what I can do. Come on.

Why don't I just wear the French flag, Kate?

It can't fit any worse.

Let's see what we can do.

Hey, look at this sign. This is real neat -o.

Oops. Do you have any tape?

It's in the kitchen, the drawer by the sink.

Wait a minute. Why is my name last?

Stratton, Spears, Lippincottleman. It's in reverse alphabetical order.

Oh, okay.

Boy, I hope this play works.

I thought it wasn't for a grade.

It's for something much more important than grades. You see, the drama club can

be a crucial extracurricular activity.

It can help get you into college, it can build self -esteem, and it can get you

women.

Well, at least it's for a worthy cause.

You don't know how worthy.

This is our only chance to get into the drama club. And if we do that, we get a

shot at all those big, beautiful actress types.

That's what I like about you, Rick. You dream big.

Doesn't it make you nervous that we're asking Freddie to walk and hold a soft

object at the same time?

Come on, he's one of our best friends.

This is important to him.

That's right. That's why you're the three musketeers, all for one and one

all, right? Right.

I found it.

Hello, everybody.

Oh, hi, hon.

Oh, what a mess.

Oh, heavy traffic?

Heavy? Let me put it to you this way.

Me and the guys in the cars on either side of me are planning a reunion in ten

years.

I don't like them.

Hey, Dad.

Can you show us how to do the thing now?

What thing? The thing. The sword.

Ah, the sword thing. Sure. Why not?

I'm rested now.

Okay. Let's see now.

Now, of course, to do the sword thing, you have to know a little French, you

know. En garde.

Of course, you can also say that in English.

En garde.

The sword thing. Ready? Everybody watching? Here we go.

All right.

The thing. Who wants to try it now? Me. Let me. Let me.

I can't lock.

All right, Freddy. Now, all you do, bend it down about so far, right? When it

pops up, you catch it by the heel. Okay?

All right. Now, wait.

Wait.

Okay.

Hey!

Freddy, that's perfect. Thanks.

I hope that wasn't something you liked.

Oh, no, no, no. It looks much better down there.

There's a lot more of it.

I'll get it.

All right, all right, all right, all right.

Hi -ho, Eduardo.

People. Troy, what is it?

There he is.

My son.

My son. What do I do now? Oh, I'm so proud of you.

Eduardo, turn on that TV, quick. Channel 6.

What is it? What's going on? I just got a call at my house a few minutes ago.

Come on, Eduardo, turn that puppy up.

On the domestic front, the plight of our nation's homeless was the subject of a

press conference held by Speaker of the House Thomas Tip O 'Neill.

This is it. This is what?

Shh.

Two million people in our country have no homes.

To most of us, they become a faceless statistic.

But these are human beings whose plight was expressed in a touching letter I

received from a high school student.

Guess which student?

Way to go, Freddy.

Dear Mr. O 'Neill, I'm 15 years old and I live in Shallow Springs, Long Island.

I spend a lot of time hanging out at the mall.

My parents like to joke that I live there.

But the only person that really lives there is an old lady named the Duchess.

During the summer, the Duchess sleeps in a planter box outside the mall.

In the winter, she huddles in the underground parking lot near the boiler

By now, you've probably guessed it.

She really isn't a Duchess. I haven't seen her there for a while.

And I'm worried.

Winter's coming.

Wouldn't you think in a country this rich, nice old ladies like the Duchess

wouldn't have to sleep on the streets?

She doesn't need that much.

Just somebody to care enough to give her a place to sleep.

Is that really too much to ask?

Sincerely, Frederick March Lippincottle Man.

No, Frederick, that's not asking too much.

With youth like you who care, this country will always be great.

That was from our assignment in civics. I can't believe it. Freddy Lippincottle,

man, coast to coast.

Only in America.

That was a wonderful letter, Freddy. It was really honest and sincere and

caring.

You ought to be thrilled.

Yeah, this is probably the best thing that's ever happened to me since...

birth!

Well, let's just hope that letter causes some people to think. Think?

Oh, right, the homeless thing.

You know, it's too bad you boys didn't make the network news.

It's easy to see where Freddy gets all his sensitivity from.

It's all in the jeans.

I'll get it.

That must be the little woman.

I left a note on our door for Gorgeous to come over here when she got back from

the beauty parlor. Not that she needs it.

Hi, Debbie Thompson, New York World. Hi. How did it feel to be on national TV?

It's not me you want. You want Freddy.

How did it feel to be on national TV?

When asked how he felt about his newfound celebrity, the young man

This reaffirms my faith in democracy.

That's not what he said.

He said, this is real neato.

This is great for Freddy, isn't it? It's just luck.

Dumb luck.

Hey, yo, Rick.

Yo, Alfonso.

Hey, way to go, Fred man.

See you guys later.

Those jocks were actually talking to you?

Uh -huh. It's been happening all morning.

Boy, my arm's getting so tired from saying hello to everyone.

You know you can't say hello without waving.

Oh, I don't want to change just because I'm famous.

You're not that famous.

My dad says we all get one chance in our lifetime.

And this is his.

Oh, man, that's Cheryl Ann Wilson.

It should be illegal to be that beautiful.

She's headed this way. I told you doing the Three Musketeers would get us women.

Hi. Hi.

Hi, Freddie.

I saw your picture in the paper this morning.

I'm sorry.

Don't be.

It's a cute picture.

I should have worked harder on my letter.

This couldn't be just a letter.

Her mind must be under the control of Martians.

Would you like to come to our play?

How about going out with me tomorrow night?

We're doing the Three Musketeers. There's action, adventure, romance.

So what do you say, Freddy?

Are you busy?

Oh, I'd crawl on my belly over cut glasses to get close enough for you to

me.

That's cool.

Bye.

Incredible.

The most luscious girl on this earth just talked to you.

With her own mouth.

I'll never wash my ears again.

You're the first guy she's ever talked to who didn't own a car.

Hi, Freddie.

Hi. John Clark, Eyewitness News.

You're right, it is you.

Listen,

Freddie, we were wondering if I could follow you around and get some shots of

your normal school day.

Oh, you mean shots like him opening his locker.

Good. I like that.

Sit up right over here. Let's do that.

I usually open it up with this hand.

That's also the hand he waves hi with.

Listen, Freddy, we were wondering if you could do a guest shot tomorrow on

Noontime New York.

Noontime New York? Yeah. That's a really sophisticated show.

Oh, you bet. You'll be on with Mayor Ed Koch and the Bill Baird Puppets. Oh, I

love those puppets. I'll be there.

Good.

Wait a minute, Freddy.

Noontime New York is on at noon.

That's when we have to do The Three Musketeers.

Excuse me, sir. Yeah.

Can he do the show the day after? He already has a previous commitment.

Wait a minute, Rick. I could talk for myself.

I'll do the show tomorrow.

Good, good. What are you doing?

Get real, Rick. We're talking high school play versus major media exposure.

That play's very important, Alfonso and me.

And for you two up until a few minutes ago, that was then.

You can't live in the past.

Times have changed.

I'm hot.

Okay, let's do it. Oh, my combination won't get on TV, will it?

Oh, no problem. We're going to be on a tight shot of your face.

Uh, listen, do you want your friend in the shot with you?

Why? He didn't write the letter.

I did.

I said musketeer, not mousketeer.

So listen, you have the opportunity to play a terrific part.

I'll get it.

Yeah, yeah, hold on, hold on.

Hiya,

Brad.

Hey, yo, Mr. Stratton.

Sorry to interrupt your praying.

It's all right, I was through.

I see you're into dirt.

It's my life.

So what do you think, Larry? It's going to be great. Hello?

Hello?

Yo, Rick.

Brad. How you doing? So, uh, what's the big problem? Oh, it's already punked out

on me. Do you think that you can learn these lines by tomorrow?

Hark. Who goes there in the darkness?

That's perfect.

What projection, what intensity, what feeling.

What bull.

Well, we've been through a lot together.

I mean, soccer team, camp out, crazy Mrs. Allen science class.

Oh, yeah.

After we got through with her, she decided to retire.

And she was only 29.

So, what do you say, buddy?

Hey, Rick, you know I'd do anything in the world for you, but not this.

Okay, but when I've got tons of girls hanging around me, don't come begging

my leftovers.

You still have three swords for two actors?

That's a terrible brow with my last hope.

Nobody wants to come near this thing. They smell of disaster.

Well, why don't you ask your teacher if you can postpone it? I already did.

She said the show must go on no matter what.

Oh, how could she be so mean?

Why do you think she became a teacher?

Hi -ho, Kate.

Is Eduardo home?

You just missed him.

Well, then I guess we'll have to talk to you.

Well, believe me, Edouard will hear all about it when he gets back.

Hi, Rick.

Freddie Lippincottleman in our house?

What an honor. No matter how famous they get, I'm not going to forget about my

friend. I just came over today to give Eddie Toys the chance to cash in on

Lippincottlemania.

Lippincottlemania? Yep.

The Freddie poster.

What do you think?

Oh, I know. When I first saw it, I was speechless, too.

It really chokes you up.

Kind of makes me gag.

Doesn't it, though?

So what do you think, Kate? Tell the truth. You really love it, don't you?

No. You mean yes.

I mean no.

It's tacky, exploitive, insulting, and in extremely poor taste.

Well, all right, but will it sell?

Troy, I don't think this is something we want to get into.

Well, it's your loss.

Come on, I'll buy you a cup of coffee, tell you about our new syndicated

Letters from Freddy.

First one goes to Gromyko.

Well, if you'll excuse me, I have a play to put on. Wait, can I talk to you a

minute, Rick?

Are you sure you can spare it?

Don't you have another interview or something?

Please, it's important.

What is it?

Well, I wanted to talk to you about the show.

Oh, yeah?

Yeah, considering what I said earlier today, this is kind of difficult for me

ask. Hey, it's okay.

Go ahead.

Would you videotape noontime New York for me?

You have the nerve to ask that after you left us in a lurch?

You are truly one of the most amazing people who ever walked this planet.

I know your problem, Rick. You're jealous. Me?

Jealous of you?

You could win the New York State Lottery, marry Miss Universe, become

of the United States, and I still wouldn't be jealous.

Well, if you're not jealous, can I borrow your blue blazer for the show?

Out.

Out.

See, I knew you were jealous.

Freddie's a total jerk, a moron, an idiot.

I hate his guts.

It's not good to keep that stuff bottled up.

He let me down, Dad, just to be on TV.

They only wanted him because he lucked out with that letter.

We were doing him a favor by putting him in the play in the first place.

But that doesn't matter when you're a big -shot celebrity.

I think there might be a little jealousy floating around in here somewhere.

Freddy accused me of that, too.

Just because he's got his picture in the paper, Sheryl Ann Wilson asked him out,

and he's being interviewed by reporters, of course I'm jealous.

Well, jealousy can be a healthy emotion.

In certain primitive tribes.

Do you know what the real irony is?

I found Freddy in a trash can.

I remember.

His scout troop put him there.

I taught that nerd everything.

I made excuses for him. I let him tag along.

And I was always there when he needed me.

Why don't you at least try to understand what he's going through?

Why don't you try to understand what I'm going through?

For example, pretend that's a picture of Freddy's father.

Now what do you think, Eduardo?

Turn that puppy up.

Let's try it one last time with you playing both parts.

All right.

Hark! Who goes there in the darkness?

It's I, Aramid.

It's Aramid.

Approach and be recognized.

Did anybody ever tell you you look like the guy over here?

We're dead meat. We're going to be laughed off the stage. We're going to

go to another high school under assumed names.

It's ready.

What are you doing here? Why aren't you on TV talking with the puppets?

Wait till you hear this. I could do the show after all. I canceled the spot on

Noontime New York.

Why? Well, my dad and I thought the timing wasn't right.

I don't want to saturate the public before I get a shot at the Carson show.

I can relate to that.

Can't you?

Personally, I would have started with Donahue and then moved up to Merv.

The good news is we decided doing the three months of theaters would not hurt

career since it's a theater and that's TV.

And the bad news is we don't care.

All right, I'll admit it.

The reason I'm not doing the show is they said I was yesterday's news.

They bought me for a guy who developed a prune the size of a stove.

They said it was more visual.

Well, maybe someday they'll have you back when they do the where are they now

segment.

What time do you want me to pick you up tonight?

Oh, I forgot. I can't go.

I promised my mom I'd help her watch television.

Oh.

Looks like lip and coddle mania has peaked.

This is the worst day of my entire life.

And that's saying a lot.

Did you guys ever read my press clipping?

We've seen it.

Sorry, we have a show to do in five minutes.

Yeah, we're the two -month couture.

Hey, I know where you can find a third.

Who's got the costume, the hat, and knows the part?

Kind of.

Hey.

Forget it.

Yeah. We'd rather make fools of ourselves.

Wait a minute, guys.

I've been acting like a real bozo lately.

You two guys are the best friends I could ever have.

And I deserted you.

I don't blame you if you never want to speak to me again.

I'm sorry.

Well, it's not all your... No.

Freddie, you really shafted us. Yeah, but we weren't counting on you. You

like we didn't even exist.

Do you know what that feels like? Every day of my life.

Let's go.

Don't say it.

I want a few more.

What would be the classy thing to do?

Keep walking and never turn back.

And why are we stopping?

We're marshmallows.

Hark! Who goes there in the darkness?

Tis I, Erebus!