Original subtitles

Here we are, face to face, a couple of silver spoons.

Hoping to find we're two of a kind.

Making it go, making it grow.

Together, we're going to find our way.

Together, taking the time each day.

To learn all about...

Together!

almost ran down the gardener right on time too the way he's been complaining

about this vacation i'm surprised he showed up at all here he comes

Come on, Father, you're going to love Hawaii. It's great.

The surfing is tubular.

That's why I packed my second wetsuit.

See, you're loosening up already.

I would rather stay here and stay tight.

Well, you can get tight on your vacation.

Come on, relax.

Oh, we got you some great going -away presents.

Ah, you shouldn't have wasted your money.

Well, we're just happy you're going away.

For a good time.

What is this?

And for when you've had enough.

Son.

Grandfather. You look marvelous.

Look, if you're going to catch that plane, we'd better get going. Yes, and I

have to call my office. No, you don't call your office. Come on, quit

You're going on your vacation.

All right, all right. Don't forget your presents. Here you go.

Come on. Those hula girls are waiting for you.

Richard, am I standing on a carousel?

No.

Well, then I am in very deep.

Welcome home, Grandfather.

Doctor, will you stop pushing me?

I can do this myself.

Put that wall down.

We'll have it removed.

Are you okay?

Yes, I'm okay.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to call my broker.

No, Father, you just got out of the hospital for an attack of high blood

pressure. It's not something you should take lightly.

Mr.

Stratton, I want you to avoid business dealings of any kind for at least a

Hooey!

Grandfather, you have to listen to him, okay?

Look, I've listened to his father and to his father before him, and I outlived

them both.

And I shall outlive him, too.

Out of my way.

Hear my beeper.

Be sure to get plenty of rest. I don't need any rest.

I was talking to Edward and Rick.

Now, then.

Put the phone bank there, and my secretaries can go in there. There will

phone bank and no secretary. Let me go home, then.

Sure. Or you can run over your servants if they don't do what you want.

right back in the hospital in no time.

Ah!

Did I hear somebody ask for some nice, hot, homemade chicken soup?

No. Chicken soup is for sick people.

No, it's for grouches, too.

Come on, you'll love this.

Chicken soup is supposed to be yellow, not beige.

Where's the chicken?

This is broth, not soup.

You're supposed to eat it, not review it.

Why is it cold?

Because you've been studying it for half an hour.

There's no salt in it.

Father, Kate spent all day making this soup. Edward, it's all right. No, Kate,

it's not all right.

Watch your tone, Edward.

You are not supposed to upset me.

I'll get you some salt.

That's woman's work.

Let Kate get it.

I don't think anyone should get you salt. It's bad for your blood pressure.

Good thinking.

I'm going to help the woman in the kitchen.

How contemporary.

Well, Grandfather, what do you want to do?

The Stratton Resort is filled with activities.

Well, for example?

Um, well, we've got computer games, chess, TV.

TV, huh? All right, let's turn on the Wall Street Report.

The doctor said no business.

All right, then no TV.

Dynasty is going to be on later tonight.

Dynasty?

Isn't that the show with all those middle -class shenanigans?

I'll get it. No, Grandfather, let me get the door.

No, it'll give me something to do.

Hey, Richard! Richard, help!

Richard! Richard!

Okay,

under control.

Hi, Rick.

What's going on?

I was just taking my grandfather for a spin.

Look what I just traded for. A 1949 Dom DiMaggio.

Wow. Mr. Coffee's brother.

Wait till you see this.

A 1955 Whitey Ford. This is worth a lot, you know. And I got it for two bucks.

If you sold this tomorrow, you could double your money.

Uh, is this some form of trading here?

Yeah. You try to collect the cards that are hardest to find. And what

establishes the value of these cards?

There's a lot of things. The age and condition of the card.

Whether or not the player got into the Hall of Fame, how many cards were

available. You mean like when there's a sudden shortage of soybeans, huh? I

don't know. I don't collect soybeans.

Does he talk about beans a lot? No.

Sometimes he talks about pork bellies.

Poor guy.

Look, I like your father, but what kind of a guest gives his host a ten -page

schedule?

Not bad, huh?

At 6 .30 a .m., he wants his shoes picked up outside his room and polished.

Well, I'm not going to do it.

Why? Are we out of polish?

Kidding. Kidding.

And then, after his bath is drawn, he wants to have his suit pressed.

Lucky he didn't ask you to iron his money.

Look at page seven.

Kidding. Kidding.

Well, may I make a suggestion?

We treat this with the same patience and tolerance as when your mother visited

last month.

Are you comparing your father to my mother?

That's like comparing apples and hand grenades.

My mother doesn't go around making lists.

Your mother doesn't go around making anything.

Just sits there. She sits there because she likes to stay out of the way. Unlike

a certain Mussolini on wheels.

You calling my father a dictator?

I wouldn't dare.

He might have me shot.

Hi, how's it going?

We're having a little disagreement.

No, we're not. We're having a big fight.

Oh, you guys.

Guess who, uh, wants to know everything there is about baseball cards?

Not my father.

That is all he wants to talk about.

Well, that's great. Encourage him, Rick. Keep him busy. It might be good for

him. And for us.

Oh,

Rick, darling.

I told Tim the average baseball player's salary was $335 ,000 a year.

He wants me to go out and buy him a baseball mitt.

How about that, huh? My father interested in baseball cards.

Maybe he's finally mellowing after all.

And maybe President Reagan is getting a gray hair.

Richard, there is a time in the life of every man who is lucky and wise

when he suddenly sees a chance for more success than he has ever dreamed of

before.

I have just found a way to clean up in the baseball card market.

Well, I got them. I went to every baseball card dealer in New York City,

look.

They're gently, gently... Look.

Look at the sun shining on their pristine edges.

Beautiful.

You think Tommy Lasorda's beautiful?

How many Lasorda cars did you buy?

Well, all I could get was 47.

Well, you only get 47.

Because that's all there were, grandfather.

Uh -huh.

That's all there were.

And we've got them all.

Why do you keep laughing like that?

That, my boy, is the laugh of a man who has known the joys of power.

And you, Richard, Lord willing, will laugh like that one day.

Let's hope it doesn't hit when I'm at school, though.

Well, yes, he's here.

Peter Uberoth?

It's Peter Uberoth, the commissioner of baseball.

Uberoth? Listen, about this rumor about Tommy Lasorda, about his being a shoo

-in for the Baseball Hall of Fame... He's laughing hysterically.

So then you'll deny it to the press, huh?

All right.

Thank you, Uberoff. That'll be all.

Grandpa, the only Hall of Fame Tommy LeThour did the shoe -in for is for the

pasta Hall of Fame.

He only played a few seasons.

Then who do you think started this rumor?

I haven't heard any rumor.

Until now.

So that when Uberoff denies it, the newspapers won't believe him.

Certainly my newspapers won't.

I don't get this.

Because you're not thinking.

Now, let us investigate.

Whether Mother Nature has leapfrogged your father and endowed you with my

for finance.

Now then, what effect will this rumor have on the price of baseball cards?

Well, I suppose if people think he's going into the Hall of Fame, they'll

to buy his baseball card.

Continue. But they can't buy the cards.

Because I bought them all.

That's right. Go on.

So people will be desperate to buy them.

The bloodline is beginning to assert itself.

And since we own all the cards... Yes?

We can have whatever price we want to.

Is the paper here yet?

It's on the chair.

Morning, Rick.

Oh, yeah. Hi, Kate.

What would you like for breakfast?

I don't care.

Fine. You can have what your grandfather's having.

A fresh lobster omelet.

It's here, Kate.

It's here. Listen to this.

Listen. Baseball Commissioner Peter Ebroth refuses to confirm or deny the

that Tommy Lasorda will be voted into the Hall of Fame, leading to speculation

that the Dodger manager will be a surprise choice for the Cooperstown

Do you realize what this means, Kate?

No.

Oh, boy, I've got to tell Grandfather.

Tell your grandfather that Bob will be ready in 12 minutes.

Sorry, Bob.

What are you doing?

Meditating.

I never knew you were into that. I wasn't.

Until my father moved in with us.

I'll get it.

Hey,

Alfonso, what's up?

Nothing much.

Why is your dad sitting on the floor?

He's meditating.

I'm sorry.

I was wondering if you had any Dodger cards you might want to get rid of.

Oh, any Dodgers in particular?

Not really.

Duke Snyder, maybe Pee Wee Reeves, Tommy LaSorda.

Who? Tommy LaSorda.

LaSorda? Why would you want a LaSorda? Uh, I'm collecting left -handed Italian

pitchers who became managers.

Do you have any?

Gee, I might have one here. Let me check.

Hmm. Lasorda.

Lasorda, Lasorda.

No, I'm afraid you're out of... You're in luck.

I have one.

Three. How much?

Um, $15.

$15? For Tommy Lasorda? Come on, we're pals.

This is a valuable commodity.

All I've got is eight bucks.

See for yourself.

Okay.

Toss the wallet in, and it's a deal.

Can I have the picture of my mother?

Okay.

And here's your Lasorda.

You know, you're lucky I could find the one card you needed to complete your

collection. Yeah.

Hey, listen.

If you want any more, just let me know, okay?

Ha -ha.

Ha -ha.

Ha -ha.

Ow, baby.

Rick.

Rick.

What was that all about?

What? Ah, taking advantage of Alfonso that way.

You've got it wrong, Dad. He was trying to take advantage of me, pretending he

knew nothing about Lasorda.

I mean, I was just exploiting market fluctuations.

Exploiting market fluctuations? You sound like your grandfather.

The bloodline is a -thirting itself.

I've got to tell him our plan is working.

Wait a minute, wait a minute. What plan is working?

Get this.

Grandfather, he started this rumor with the thought it's getting into the Hall

of Fame.

You admire that?

Who wouldn't?

I wouldn't!

I don't believe it. In three days, my father has converted a generous,

kid into a ruthless shark.

And he's converted an enlightened woman executive into a fishwife.

I am not going to let him put me around anymore.

Oh, does he like his prunes with the pits in or out?

In.

And he prefers his lobster out of the shell.

Do you realize we're talking about lobster shells and prune pits?

He's making us both crazy.

Look what he's doing to Rick. He's turned him into a clone of himself.

There must be something we can do.

Do you think you could talk to him?

Yeah.

It could be really dangerous.

Oh, you mean because of his blood pressure?

No, because he might run me over.

So, Richard, you don't think your father appreciates the dynamics of our

baseball card manipulation?

Not that I noticed. I imagine I'll be hearing his views firsthand.

Doctor, I'm glad you're here.

I have something to say to my father, and it just may upset him. Is he well

enough to handle it?

What is he saying?

Don't fall for the old man routine, but it's probably best I stay close by.

Quack!

I'll say this as gently as I can.

Father, you are corrupting my son with your immoral business practices.

And you think my loathsome morals are contagious, huh?

Yes. How come you never go?

Well, let's just say I was lucky enough to find my own way.

Don't you think Rick is capable of finding his own way? This is very

What's wrong?

Well, when Mr. Stratton gets excited, his blood pressure actually goes down.

Would you please keep arguing?

I'd be delighted.

Why? Well, I want you to quit teaching Rick your dirty tricks.

I'm merely trying to pass on my hard -earned knowledge.

It's amazing. His blood pressure is going down. And Dad's is going up.

A man must thrive on stress.

Mr. Stratton, my advice to you is to go back to work immediately.

Bless you, doctor.

Have you ever seen this before, Doctor? No.

This is going to make a terrific article.

The American Journal of Witch Doctors.

Keep that bio flowing.

Son.

Son?

Please, give an old man the satisfaction of sharing his wisdom with his only

grandson.

He's very good.

Father, I'm not going to stand here and let you teach Rick to cheat his friends.

Come in.

Hi. Hi, Alfonzo.

Remember what you said about getting some more Lasorda cards?

Well, I have some friends who might be interested.

These friends, they have cash?

Yeah. There's a time to sow and a time to reap.

When he starts getting biblical, watch out.

Rick? Alfonso, my grandfather and I, we set this whole thing up.

We bought all those sort of cars and spread rumors so people would want one.

Listen, here's your wallet back.

Oh, right.

I gave my wallet back and sold the car for $15.

I made a profit of $7.

Please get in touch with me when you graduate, young man.

I'll get that.

Hi, kid.

Hello. You're Tommy Lasorda. I know that.

Selling Dodger cookies?

No, I heard you wanted to buy some of my old baseball cards.

And my mother put a few away for me in the garage.

There must be hundreds of them. Wow!

I'll take ten.

Mr. Lasorda, by flooding the market with these old cards of yours, you've

entirely eliminated the value of our collection.

Yeah, but have you heard the good news?

I'm a shoe -in for the Hall of Fame.