Original subtitles

Here we are, face to face. Open to

find. We're two of a kind.

Make it a goal.

Make it grow. Together, we're going to find our way.

Together, taking the time each day.

To learn all about.

You just can't buy two silver spoons together.

You and I together, we're going to find our way.

You and I together,

we're going to find our way.

You and I together.

high basketball team that, quote, couldn't be cured by some taller kids

how to shoot.

Unquote.

Over to you, Rick.

Finally!

Finally!

Here's a bulletin.

Switzerland is suing our school cafeteria for libel because they called

week's special Swiss steak.

the food in the cafeteria is bad, how bad is it?

Well, primitive tribes travel thousands of miles just to dip their darts in the

gravy.

So goodbye to next week, when our special guest will be Mr. Burholz from

Woodshop. He'll show us how to make an attractive lamp from a piece of

driftwood.

Thank you. That was very good, guys. You're definitely improving.

Yeah, it's only our third week in a year.

17 % of this city was watching you guys?

No, 17 people.

Oh, well, that's more than... 16.

I love the cafeteria jokes, Rick, but is the food really that bad?

Freddie should know he works there part -time.

I only clean up. I have nothing to do with the cooking.

Tell him what the cafeteria staff does for lunch every day.

We eat out.

That's Bob and Barbara. Dinner shouldn't take long, son. We'll be home early.

Oh, Edward, I forgot to tell you. After dinner, they're taking us over to Blythe

and Steve's house.

He's going to show us pictures of their trip to Finland.

Oh, fantastic.

You really mean that?

No, I was just practicing.

All right, now.

We need something more exciting for next week's show.

How about an interview with Christie Brinkley? Do you know Christie Brinkley?

No?

I've got some news that would knock this town's socks off. It would blow the lid

off the school.

It would drop like an H -bomb.

People would be talking about it for months.

Really? What is it? I can't tell. It's a secret.

Why did you bring it up in the first place?

You always do that to me. You get me excited, and then you throw a bucket of

cold water on me. Why do you do that? Why? Why? Why?

Actually, it'd be great to get it off my chest.

Caddies on a bun they sell in the cafeteria?

Yeah, the twin burger?

Well, they ought to call it the Daily Double.

What are you talking about?

It's not beef.

It's...

Okay. The other morning, I went to the cafeteria to warm up the sweet rolls.

I don't eat them myself because my mom says it gives me the stress on the lower

tract.

Anyway, my assignment was to get some number eight onions out of Mr.

Snodgrass's office.

He's the cafeteria manager.

Wouldn't you know, the bag broke.

They spilled all over.

I bent down to get them. Then Mr. Snodgrass came into the office with this

Larry, who owns the Happy Dome Eat Company.

They never saw me.

But I overheard everything.

The school is giving Mr. Snodgrass money to buy real meat.

But instead, he's buying people horse meat from Larry and passing the savings

along to his pocket.

Come on, let's get this on tape for our next show.

Aaron Gorsh with my college education and contact lenses.

Freddy, Freddy, Freddy, Freddy, this is an important story. It has to be told.

It must be told. The American public has the right to know.

Besides, it'll make our ratings skyrocket.

But this guy Larry looks real tough.

I bet he cuts his nails with a chainsaw.

Freddy, if you tell your story on the air, we'll disguise your identity and no

one will ever know it was you. You're my personal guarantee.

From now on...

that used to wear a saddle.

Thank you, Mr. X.

Oh, no, shut up.

You sure about this, son?

My door saw the whole thing.

I can't believe this is happening.

I want to talk to your principal first thing in the morning. What's his name?

Dr. Percy.

Yeah,

hello.

Oh, Dr. Percy, I was just trying to remember your name.

Yes, we were both watching it. Dr. Percy, I want to express my... Uh -huh.

Yeah.

Okay.

Goodbye.

He wants to see us both in Mr. Snodgrass's office immediately.

I have to meet Mr.

Snodgrass face to face?

Afraid you do, son.

Just a second, Dad.

Bill Snodgrass has worked with great dedication as our cafeteria manager for

past 17 years.

Thank you, Dr. Percy, for those kind words.

Well, I'll get right to the point.

Your son has made some serious charges on his TV broadcast, which has caused a

lot of people to get upset. Ever since I spoke to you on the phone, my secretary

has logged calls from at least 25 people.

And what makes you so sure it's my son that's wrong here? Why don't you

investigate this situation?

Well, I'd like to investigate it. That's why I want to meet your Mr. X.

All right. All right. I'm going to give you 24 hours to come forth with your

eyewitness, or I'm going to have to suspend you from school and take away

TV program.

But I... 24 hours.

Yeah, yeah, that's good. That's good.

Uh -huh.

Uh -huh.

Okay, that's just what we need to know, F. Lee. Thanks a lot.

Hi, Dad. Yeah, great news, Dad. I just talked to my lawyer, F. Lee.

Your lawyer's F. Lee Bailey?

No, F. Lee Birnbaum.

His real name's Homer, but who wants a lawyer named Homer Birnbaum?

Anyway, the good news, son, is that if they suspend you from school, they're

violating your First Amendment rights. That is good news. Yeah, well, the bad

news is that if your source is wrong, Mr.

Snodgrass can sue me for everything I have.

Well, don't worry, Dad. Marty Stevenson's dad's a chemist. So Alfonso

cafeteria burger to get him analyzed.

They just come in straight back here with the results.

Great. I also sent Kate on a little fact -finding tour of the Happy Dale Meat

Company. She's going to tell him she's opening a chain of discount hamburger

joints called Budget Burgers. Hmm?

She's looking for some very cheap beef.

Thank Dad for believing in me.

Hey,

Kate. Let me take that for you. What'd you find out, huh?

Well, first of all, the Happy Dell Meat Company slogan is, all our cows are

happy. Of course they're happy. They don't kill them.

I bet you their horses are plenty depressed.

afraid they're a well -respected firm.

They have dozens of awards for quality. They sell to the best restaurants in

town. And their founder was the author of what has become known as the Bible of

the beef industry.

The joy of meat.

Well, I hope you're not going to get bamboozled by all this.

Well, the Better Business Bureau hasn't had any complaints.

I am waiting for a credit report, but they sound like they're squeaky clean.

Okay, Alfonso, what was really in that meat?

Well, it's been 100 % grade A beef.

Of course.

It doesn't surprise me in the least.

Once he knew we were on to him, he switched back to the good meat.

Rick, maybe Dr. Percy was right. Maybe this Mr. X just has a grudge.

But Dad, I'm positive.

Witness is a completely reliable, honest, bumbling cloud of wine. Why did

believe him?

Kate, let's go into the library. I better call F. Lee.

F. Lee Birnbaum.

No, F. Lee Bailey. I'm going to need him.

Well, I guess the only thing left to do is go on the air and apologize to Mr.

Snodgrass.

I'll be humiliated.

But at least we'll still have our house.

Hi, Freddy.

I'm at the cafeteria.

You'll never guess what I just overheard.

Snodgrass was talking on the phone to Larry. You know, the guy from the Happy

Deal Meat Company?

And he told him, uh, uh, crying won't help, Sheila.

Huh?

That was a close one. Mr. Snodgrass just went by.

Quick, what'd he say?

Anyway, Snodgrass and Larry are up to the old tricks again.

They're meeting at 4 o 'clock, and I think it's important.

Why? I looked at his scratch pad, and there are a lot of dollar signs and

nooses.

We could get that meeting on tape. Is there any place to hide in there?

Well, there are some boxes in his office.

Fred, we'll get me right down, okay? I don't think that's a good idea.

I can't talk anymore, Sheila. I have dedicated my life to the food service

industry.

I wouldn't reveal you as my source, and I'm sticking to that promise. Rick,

you're the best friend a guy could ever ask for. And if you're caught and sent

to prison, I'll send you cigarettes.

We don't smoke.

I know, but they use them for money in prison.

I saw it in a movie once, The Big House.

I don't want to call it a big house, though. It doesn't look like any house.

looked more like a zoo.

I think they should have called it Big Zoo.

Yeah?

Who takes a bed here?

Look at this.

Potato helper.

I don't believe this.

He can afford to buy $1 ,000 worth of clothes at Saks Fifth Avenue?

I went to, the school of hard knocks.

couple weeks after things cool off good because we can't make any money like

this huh and that's coming straight from the horse's mouth horse's mouth

you might say it's kind of a horse of a different color

all right all right quit horsing around hey hey i mean it quit

horsing around

one of those me the money. All right, all right.

I'm sorry, all I got's 50.

That'll do just fine.

Oh, Larry, I've been having a problem in here with R -A -T -S.

Rats.

And I think they're hiding behind the...

If you're not, who is? Come on, talk.

Oh, I bet I could make him talk.

Yeah, I'd say the odds are in your favor.

More, uh, R -A -T -Z?

Come in!

Dad!

Hey, hey, hey, you guys all right? What's going on here?

These troublemakers broke into my office.

Is that true, son?

Horse jokes.

All right, Mr. Snodgrass. Now, what's this all about? Money and horses?

All right, Dr. Percy, I confess.

I play the ponies.

Well, I'm getting confused. Now, what are you doing here?

They were talking about doing business when things cooled off.

Well, I merely suggested the children would appreciate beef barley soup on a

chilly winter day.

Dr. Percy, this man is a convicted felon.

He is?

Yeah. That credit report Kate was waiting for finally came in.

Seems Larry sold funeral plots. Turned out to be in the middle of the Long

Island Expressway.

Before that, he sold defective candles to churches.

No wicks.

What? Yeah, he bought the Happydale Meat Company three months ago, and he's been

ruining their reputation ever since.

I deny the alleged allegations.

The bottom line remains that these two boys witnessed no wrongdoing.

But Mr. X did. All right, now, who is Mr. X?

I'm still not telling who he is. I made a promise.

We seem to be on the horns of a dilemma.

Dr. Percy, this is ridiculous.

These boys should be punished to the fullest extent of the law.

Now, you just hold on one minute. They broke into an innocent man's office.

That's invasion of privacy.

Kid, today...

If I weren't such a decent man, I'd sue you for slander. Maybe I will anyway.

I'm going to take you for everything you have.

And Dr. Percy, I want you to see to it that these boys were expelled from the

school.

you've got your Mr. X. Now, that ought to be enough to open an investigation,

huh? Yes.

I'm definitely going to look into this.

Good.

I welcome it.

Me, too.

Gotta go. See you around, Snob.

Freddy, you didn't have to do that.

where Mr. X has had the courage to reveal himself as Freddy

Hello there.

Dr. Percy has agreed to launch a full -scale investigation into what we like

call Cafeteria Gate.

Mr. Snodgrass, how do you... Mr. Snodgrass, how do you feel about that?

No comment.

to make a drift to Atlanta.

Well, congratulations, son.

You know, you guys were awfully lucky.

What do you mean?

Well, what if your source had been wrong?

You would have unfairly damaged Mr.

Snodgrass's reputation.

You better be sure from now on you check your facts thoroughly before you

broadcast them on TV, okay?

Okay. Oh, it's on.

By this time, you have carefully selected

Together, we're going to find our way.

Together,

taking the time to stay.