Original subtitles

Here we are, face to face, looking for the silver spoons.

Hoping to find, we're two of a kind.

Make it a go, make it grow. Together, we're gonna find our

way.

Together, taking the time each day.

To learn all about the things. You just can't buy

Two silver spoons together

You and I together We're gonna find our way

Here we go

ice skating in years.

Neither have I.

It sure was worth it.

It was a momentous occasion.

Rick did his first figure eight.

Yeah, but I don't think it counts when you do the last loop on your rear end.

Well, I hate to decross and run, but I've been invited to watch the

Address to the Nation at Richard Nixon's home.

Oh, well, that'll be on any minute.

You'll never make it in time. Well, Mr. Nixon did say he was going to tape it.

Naturally.

Why don't you watch the speech here with another president?

Dad.

Ricky was elected student body president of Shallow Springs Junior High School.

Well, congratulations, Richard. I mean, Mr. President.

It's only been an office a week already. The kids think he's the best president

they ever had. Oh?

He's got a meeting with the people in the cafeteria.

I got them to put meat in the meatloaf.

Dexter, you know Derek.

This is Freddie, Rick's vice president.

Oh, you can call me Veep.

Would you gentlemen like a cup of hot cocoa?

No, thank you. See you, Miss Summers.

By the way, that's a stunning outfit.

We're rather in a state of distress, aren't we, Frederick?

I told you to call me Veep.

Sorry, Veep.

that one of our rival institutes of learning, Willow Cove Junior High

has, in a wanton act of juvenile delinquency, absconded with our school

They sold Sammy Spartan?

Yeah. All they left was his foot.

We've got to get away with it.

Tomorrow we've got a pep rally.

We're supposed to parade around Sammy Spartan.

We're going to look pretty silly marching on a foot.

Why don't we leave this problem to Ricky and... All the president's men.

Before you leave, you want to hear Derek's idea of getting back at Willow

Oh, Freddie.

He said we should put a sworn killer bees in their shower room.

He's such a veep.

I merely blurted that out in a fit of pique.

I confess, I was a little furious at the time.

I still am a bit.

My anger makes me poor company.

No, Derek.

Your personality makes you poor company.

Good jest, Richard.

Guys, for what it's worth, I think you better think this over very carefully.

Retaliation isn't always the answer.

This man is wise beyond all our years.

You're right, Mr. Stratton.

After all, the good book advises us to leave vengeance to the Lord.

to turn the other cheek?

Pete.

Rick, we gotta yap those scuzzwads. This is war.

Derek, what happened to turn the other cheek?

Hey, as soon as we let those bees loose in the shower room, they'll be turning a

lot of cheeks, huh?

Let's go, Derek. This foot is heavy.

Shut up, Freddie.

Call me Veep.

Shut up, Veep.

In my opinion, it's always a mistake to put yourself in a... Let me make my own

mistakes, okay?

I'm the president, and the buck stops here.

Ladies and gentlemen, the President of the United States.

My fellow Americans, I'm sorry to interrupt Dan's fever, but this

long.

I just thought I'd let you know how our country's going.

It's going awesome.

After only one week in office.

I've eliminated pollution, reduced the budget, and most incredible of all, I've

gotten post office employees to be polite.

Now, I know what you're all thinking.

You're thinking, way to go, Prez.

But hey, what about nuclear disarmament?

Huh?

Well, it's been on my mind, too. And I think I've got an idea.

Here we have an uninhabited island.

located exactly halfway between the Soviet Union and the United States.

I propose that we take one of our nuclear bombs and transport it to this

In return, Russia would bring one of their nuclear bombs to this island.

And then a bomb, and a bomb, and a bomb, and a bomb, until every nuclear device

is on this island.

And then we appoint a man we all trust and respect to watch over the bombs.

A man like Jerry Lewis.

That's all for now.

Thank you.

And good night.

willing to give you another shot this time when you do the mexican hat dance

it's around the hat not on it

hi guys

derrick what do you want hey i'm your chief of staff your right hand man i'm

here to help you buddy

I'm afraid I better get going. I gotta catch a plane from Mexico.

Okay, bye. Hey, Fred.

Yeah? Remember what they say. Be sure to drink the water.

Okay.

What a wimp. This country hasn't had a good vice president since Agnew.

Wow. I've died and gone to heaven.

Simmons show.

But Mr. Taylor said that you requested that I wear this leotard in honor of

physical fitness week.

This isn't physical fitness week.

It's aluminum siding week.

Derek, get this through your head once and for all.

In my administration, women are not to be treated as sex objects.

Thank you, sir.

Hey, you're right, Rick. Sorry, Toots.

Miss Winters, maybe I can make up for my thoughtlessness.

Would you care to accompany me on an inspection tour of Old Faithful this

weekend? I'd very much enjoy visiting a scenic wonder with a scenic wonder.

Why don't we go to the Grand Canyon instead?

I'd love to.

Oh, terrific.

We'll take one of those mule rides.

I'd enjoy riding a jackass with a jackass.

Oh, Rick, I forgot the Russian ambassador gave me this letter for you

Jarek, this letter was stamped important, urgent.

So what are you waiting for?

Rick, what's the matter?

The Russians have tapped into one of our ships.

A cruiser, battleship, aircraft carrier?

No.

It's a love boat.

Now, wait a minute. The Russians have captured the love boat?

That's right.

Even Gopher?

Even Gopher.

Oh, the fiends!

Look, I gotta think about this.

If we get too carried away, we could have a nuclear war on our hands.

Nuclear war?

It is possible.

Rick, you and I have been through a lot together.

I have absolutely no doubt that you'll find a way to handle this terrible

crisis.

Thanks, Derek.

If you need me, I'll be in New Zealand.

Have a seat.

it later.

Now, what can I do for you, Mr. President?

I believe you know what I want.

Your government wiped one of our boats.

I beg to differ.

We have justifiably captured the capitalist spy ship.

Bullshoy!

The love boat is not a spy ship.

What do you think? We were born tomorrow?

it mean to be in your territory?

It was a navigational error.

Navigational error, my Aunt Olga.

That does it.

Mr. Ambassador, I intend to take that ship back by force if necessary.

Oh, yeah, you and what army?

United States Army.

Oh, big talk. I'm shaking in my mucklucks.

See, America's more than a country.

It's a dream.

Just ask Mary.

We're getting breakfast for our kids.

Or Tom, who fills her up when the tank reads empty.

Or Farmer Bird, who grows the grain that makes the bread.

Or little Billy, who's up before dawn so that Mary, Tom, and Farmer Bird have a

newspaper to read.

You listen to me, Mr. Feeding and Women Weightlifters Steroids.

Go tell your government that we're sick and tired of being pushed around by

pinkos.

I hate to say this, but we may be on the brink of war.

Really? Ooh.

If there's a war, our men are in top condition.

They've undergone survival training, hand -to -hand combat, field maneuvers,

plus they've done a lot of genocide.

So we will defeat them on the land, in the air, on the sea.

We will drive them into the ground. We will vanquish them. By the way, who is

the enemy?

Russia. Russia?

A problem, General?

Well, I was sort of hoping for a Falklands kind of thing.

General, are you telling me you can't handle the Russians?

Not at all. We will defeat them to the last man, because you see, America is

more than just a country.

It's a dream.

Just ask Mary, who's making breakfast for the kids.

I told you, we still do it when the tank is empty.

that speech already. Oh.

General, your first order is to surround Russia with the seventh queen. Yes,

sir.

I'm counting on you to go out there and win one for the ricker.

Russians did was wrong, son, but if you retaliate, you're just stooping to their

level.

But, Dad, our country's pride is at stake.

Son, this could escalate into a big fight with knives and chains and nuclear

bombs.

People could get hurt.

Dad, I'm not going to let it come to that.

Once I show those crumb bombs that I mean business, they'll back right down.

See, that's the hotline. They're backing down already.

the charges.

Sylvia Premier, Yuri Andropov.

No, I'm not removing all warships until you return a love boat.

And I want it back in a hurry, Yuri.

What'd you call me?

Oh, yeah?

Well, why don't you just walk to the edge of a cliff, Yuri, and drop off?

the president.

Now I'm wiping out their whole population, too.

Incoming missiles will explode in five, four, three,

two... Well, as I indicated earlier, we are not trying to become a superpower.

We are simply trying to maintain military parity with the Soviet Union.

We must support the Defense Department's work... Dad, I owe you an apology.

You certainly do, son, and the president hasn't finished his speech yet.

No doubt.

What I meant was you were right about us getting our school statue back without

pulling the same underhanded, sneaky stuff those guys pulled on us.

Well, I'm glad to hear you feel that way, son. What changed your mind?

Hey, I learned my lesson when I sent the 7th Fleet to recapture the love boat

and ended up destroying America.

Together, we're going to find our way.

Together,

taking the time to stay.

To learn all about those things you just can't.