Original subtitles

Here we are, face to face, a couple of silver spoons.

Open to find, we're two of a kind. Make it a go, make it grow.

Together, we're gonna find our way.

Together, taking the time each day.

To learn all about those things you just can't buy.

Blue and silver spoons together.

You and I together.

We're gonna find our way.

You and I together.

We're gonna find our way.

You and I together.

Science class early and throw spit wads on a ceiling over Mr. Bartman's desk?

He'll dry out and fall all over him.

I don't know.

Remember we did that to Miss Wibble?

One old thing fell on her hair and stayed there the rest of the semester.

Somehow Mr. Bartman will figure out I was involved.

He's always on my case.

That's because you don't know how to handle a barf bag.

I do.

For sure.

You suck.

Sucks up to no man.

Why, top of the morning, Mr.

Stratton, sir.

Kudos to you on those elegant yet perfect -for -everyday -to -wear pants.

Oh, morning, Edward. Sit down, Edward. I need to talk to you. Morning, Kate.

Okay, Kate. I'm all ears.

I just got off the phone with a Mr. Herbert Hobecker.

And I can't wait to tell you what he's invented.

It's a home... Home entertainment argon laser light projector with a built -in

oscillator.

How'd you do that?

Kate, Herbie Hobecker's been bugging me about that thing for months. I told him

I'm in the toy business.

Well, I agree with you, Edward. It's not a toy.

But think about this.

Now, they're already using lasers for entertainment at rock concerts and

laseriums. Now, my idea is that we develop this projector for use at

Smaller events like weddings, bar mitzvahs, gala occasions of all

Kate, they already invented something for you, said gala occasions of all

description. It's called the accordion.

Edward.

Kate, all right, look.

Laser light shows are produced by a lot of extremely sophisticated, very

expensive, high -tech equipment, right?

Now, how's Herbie Hobecker's little gizmo possibly going to duplicate that

effect?

I'll get back to you on that.

Kate, there's no market for it.

Oh, yeah? Well, it's a good thing Jeffrey Catruzzola didn't listen to the

doubters and the skeptics.

Who is Jeffrey Catruzzola?

Who is Jeffrey Catruzzola?

Only the man who invented...

The duck bone.

Now, who can tell the class the atomic weight of zinc?

Mr. Fretton.

Well, uh, that depends if it's a porcelain zinc or stainless steel zinc.

the atomic weight of zinc stratum and without the benefit of your questionable

sense of humor.

Well, I didn't get a chance to memorize the exact weight.

Taylor. Sir. Can you answer the question?

I can.

Instead of reading the usual one chapter of The Amazing World of Science, you

will read three.

And tomorrow, there

will be a quiz.

Mr.

Barman, that seems like an awful lot to do.

I mean, none of our other teachers give us this much work.

So maybe other teachers think... this is a daycare center and let you get away

without studying, but not Harry Singleton Bachman, science instructor.

You children are at a critical point.

The study habits you develop now will remain with you for the rest of your

academic life.

And if I don't instill those habits in you now, then I am not worthy to wear

this lab coat.

Don't forget, your projects for the science fair are due one week from

You can impress your parents by winning the coveted Bartman Einstein Award.

to me tomorrow with his signature.

You're a bright voice, Stratton, but you're sadly lacking in the department

department.

If you don't mend your ways, you're going to be suspended.

Well, it can't all be great days, son. Heck, I remember several crummy days

I was in school.

Like the day I had to stand up and give a book report.

My zipper was broken.

Or the day I was in chorus rehearsal and my voice changed.

Or like the day when your teacher would send you home with a note to your

father.

This is to inform you that your son's conduct in my class is belligerent,

uncooperative, and disruptive.

He's a rug cleaner, and the other students follow his lemons.

Dad, that's ringleader.

will be forced to ask for his suspension.

Warmest personal regards, Harry S. Bartlett.

Rick, what happened?

Dad, Mr. Bartlett picks on me.

Now, I doubt very much that he picks on you.

I have a hunch that he's just disappointed that you don't live up to

potential.

Rick, I know you're upset.

I've been through this myself.

Really? Yeah.

He was my woodshop teacher.

His name was Mr. Doctor.

Boy, was he tough.

And he always used to seem to pick on me.

Stratton, that's no way to hold a jigsaw.

With the grain, Stratton, with the grain.

is made of sandpaper?

I resented him very, very much at first.

But then I finally began to realize that Mr. Doctor plain loved

woodworking. It was important to him.

He had sap in his veins.

That's the way Mr. Bartman is.

Only with him it's science.

bumper sticker that says, I break for Nobel Prize winners.

You see, now, a teacher like that, he wants you to get as enthusiastic about

subject as he is.

So what I did is I decided to earn Mr. Doctor's respect.

And when it came time for us woodchoppers to do our special projects,

And I chiseled.

And I sanded.

And I shellacked.

And I shellacked.

And then I shellacked some more.

And when the sawdust cleared, Mr. Doctor put his arm around me and he said,

Stratton, that's the best looking birdhouse that ever housed a bird.

This project is going to win first.

And I brought my family.

late at the office.

Isn't he a salesman for pure pulp paper products?

He's vice president of sales.

International.

That's right. I think Derek told me that he'd won the Golden Ream Award.

Yes, it's a shame John couldn't be here tonight.

After all, Derek is his raison d 'etre.

Derek, Mr. Bartman's about to judge a science project.

Excuse me, Mommy Dearest.

Our little joke.

Taylor, what have you concocted for us tonight?

My project, sir, is entitled The Miracle of Electronic Eavesdropping.

Thanks to recent advances... or microtechnology, listening devices can

reduced to the size of, oh, a cuff link.

It just so happens that I've planted a live bug on my father's person.

We could tune in to him wherever he may be.

We've heard enough.

Au revoir.

Derek, that was a lousy thing to do.

All right, Mr. Stratton.

It's your turn to dazzle us.

concentrates them to narrow very intense beams called lasers.

I've connected my computer to this laser projector, and I've programmed the

images which you're about to see.

I've also connected a smoke device so that you can see the laser beams better.

Shall we begin? Take the lights.

The department has to be the most spectacular science display I've ever

It's always nice to hear an objective opinion.

Attention, please.

Before I announce the winner, I would like us all to reflect for one moment on

where we would be without science.

This year's winner of the coveted Bachman -Einstein Award

is... Timmy Terrible!

Timmy!

Dad, I later lost a model of a cow's digestive system.

Edward, he was robbed.

Well, that rubber glove doesn't look anything like an udder.

Come on, son.

Mr. Barkman, my son worked his tail off on that display. Now, you may not

consider this an objective opinion, but I think it beats the pants off a clay

cow.

Richard, your project was quite impressive.

It showed hard work, initiative, and creativity.

You will get an A -plus for your work.

I will?

That's great!

But then how come I didn't win the, uh, coveted Einstein -Bartman Award?

Uh, that's Bartman -Einstein.

I'm afraid your project exceeded the allowable price limit of $100.

Well, you never told me that there was a price limit.

Yes, I did.

I guess you weren't listening.

People, we have cake and cookies here.

They're made entirely out of algae.

and listen at the same time.

You're doing exactly what Mr. Bartman had hoped you'd do.

I am?

You're enjoying science.

I am?

Sounds like it to me.

I want you to call Herbie Hobecker and tell him that Eddie Toys is going to

start a laser division, ASAP.

Oh, that's terrific.

Now, we've got to figure out somebody to head up that new division.

Oh, well, who do you have in mind? Congratulations.

find our way together taking the

time to learn all about those things you

just can't