Original subtitles

Get out of the water!

No! Get out of the water!

So I'm dropping in on this double overhead, right?

Crank it off the bottom. Come up to the top. Hit it. Start going down the line.

All to my right. All to my left.

Sharks.

What do you think about that, killer?

Oh, the sharks are going to love you, blondie. Huh?

Are you ready for this?

We're going to be shitting our shorts, man.

That's what we do, baby.

For the rush.

Stop believing me. That's for the money.

You are so cynical.

But hey, come on. Am I going to surf and get paid?

No. Man, this is gonna be better than... What was the name of that shark flip?

Mmm, Jaws. Ka -ching!

There is no big mechanical fish on this juke.

Dude, this is the real thing.

We're just the bait.

You, me, and about 30 or so lives snapping with sharks.

Driven into a carnivorous frenzy by the scent of your blood.

How did I ever let you talk me into this insanity?

Like I said, the money.

If you guys do your jobs right, there'll be plenty of it.

Bloodsurfing.

Two steps.

And, uh, you guys don't mind waiting, do you?

No, no. Not at all. Please.

I'll make sure it doesn't spot right back.

Oh, that ain't right. You don't mind being second?

I'm not gonna be second. I lied.

Not a bad place to spend a couple of days working, huh?

every second.

Wee -haw!

Yeah, well, I say it's time we learned.

Faster, faster!

Come on, we gotta go!

I'm talking fast, folks! Let's go!

Yeah, right.

I can do this.

Ah, yeah.

Ben.

Whoa, did you see that?

Yeah, he kicked our butt. I saw. No, Shadow, there's something in the water.

What?

Nothing.

Yeah, well, I'll just deduct the 20 from his expense allowance.

You're here.

What, did you surf in? I didn't even notice.

You're just being nice.

We're not that fast. Yeah, we are.

We're really fast.

We define fast.

After you.

He's learning.

What?

Nothing. You know, I've been working on my cat back, and I think I really nailed

it back there. What do you think?

Beautiful.

Stupendous. Fantastic.

handsome, charming, one hell of a great kisser.

It's not going to happen.

It didn't happen last time. It won't happen this time or the next if there is

one.

It's usually the ones you don't like that you end up with.

In that case, they'll have to make it a point to like you.

Excuse me.

How's the animal?

Um. I bet he is. For what, I might ask? Take your pick.

Welcome, Mr. Chardy.

South Sea's Adventures.

Sonny LaFranco, my wife, Melba. Hi,

welcome to Palm Island.

Oh, please accept a small welcome gift.

Mangoes from our old orchard.

Thanks. So, Sonny, I take it we're all set for an early morning departure?

Oh, yes, yes.

Very ready. That's right, baby. Lilo K, you ready? You ready? You ready, Lilo K?

Because here we come!

Lilo K?

That's where we're going.

Uh, excuse me, sirs. Maybe you haven't heard that waters around the island are

shark infestation.

That's what we're talking about!

Shark infestation!

Is there a problem?

No, it's just that, uh, trees around there are very dangerous.

You've never been there.

Well, who has?

Captain Dirks, right?

Zack Jardine, Omega Productions.

What got you with Wonderboy besides the job?

I like men with a sense of responsibility.

As opposed to boys who spend their entire lives searching for bigger and

ways.

I'm stunned, Bob. You have a deep self -awareness I never would have imagined.

So let me get this straight.

You want me to take you to Lilo Cay.

So that pretty lady over there can take moving pictures of those two tadpoles

surfing the shore.

And I will make it very worth your while.

You're very generous.

I believe in rewarding people who provide.

Special services.

Well, in this case, that would make me an accessory to murder.

Come on, Dierks.

No one's going to hold you responsible.

Good day, Mr. Jardine.

It'd be nice to have a night out once in a while.

Maybe have a real dinner in a restaurant we don't have to catch, clean, and cook

it ourselves.

Sit your ass down, Artemis.

Screwed.

What? What?

What? He doesn't know how to get there either?

Oh, he knows.

Faster just won't save.

So now what are we going to do?

Hey, think she's a local? No way, man. See?

It's universal.

Yeah, that's great, guys. We have a problem here.

Zach?

Zach! Bless you.

What the hell?

Oh, dude.

My set of gams, eh?

Decided to accept your offer, Mr. Jardine.

Follow me, I'll tell you how to get there.

Just arriving on our little island?

Uh, yeah.

Staying at the inn?

No, the boat.

Oh, really?

On the dock?

That's where I stay.

You, uh, stay there alone?

I never know.

See ya.

Dude, you have got some serious issues with your surfboard.

Come on.

Dude.

Dude. Dude, dude, dude.

You should check it out.

Hey, what the hell?

Not very friendly, are you? Hey, you're the one who woke me up.

I know.

Oh, you do, huh?

Well, you see, I heard that there's this American guy named Bog who was very

handsome, and I'd like to meet him.

Great, my name's Jeremy.

Other guy's Bog.

The one who sleeps above you?

Yep, that's him.

But there must be a mistake.

I'm sure it was Bog who was handsome.

You mean you think I'm better looking?

Oh, please, don't say anything.

I wouldn't want to hurt anyone's feelings.

At least not that it's ugly. It's just that it's... Not a word, I promise.

Promise?

Yeah, what's your name?

Lemya.

Lemya.

I like that name.

Thank you.

Oh, you've got to check out my board.

Watch your head. It's a spider, see?

Yesterday I dropped down this amazing crate. Mango pancakes for breakfast.

Mmm. You think it'll beat them?

I'm not pleased with our daughter at the moment.

Bear crashing over me. And I'm like this. And I've got to break through.

He's like a very nice old man.

He's a crazy person.

Serving a Lilo K.

Wax on the board allows your feet to have maximum movement. The rest is up to

you and your balance.

You're very intelligent, too.

Stop it.

Hey, dog face, where you been?

What's it look like, blondie?

What's that shit?

You'll find out.

What do you say?

You know Chubb's ready to make a little history?

Born ready.

No, no thanks.

Yes please, I'd love some.

You know Lemya, this is some of the best French toast I've ever had.

Sylvia, these are pancakes.

Father, please guide our friends as they embark on their path.

Protect them from the danger below and say to it that they return safe.

They are in your hands.

Amen.

Yeah, breathtaking.

Where are the sharks?

Check out the eyes!

What?

Lunchtime! Lunch is served.

All right, boys!

Come and get it!

Lunchtime!

Oh,

poor baby.

Oh, no, no.

No, no. I'm not nervous.

I don't get nervous.

And, uh, you know, what if they don't come?

Don't worry.

They'll come.

No, nothing can hurt you.

Quite nothing.

Showtime. There you go.

Oh, yes.

There's another one.

Yes, yes, definitely. Come here. Hey, big one.

You know, these waves are breaking all the way in the shore.

You could actually just sit on the beach and shoot it with a telephoto.

Sure I could, and it'll look like shit.

Look, I'm just trying to... That's right, tell me how to do my job.

Shouldn't you be in the water, Bob?

Okay, people, let's roll, let's go!

It's just another ride.

It's just you, your board, and that wave. You keep your thoughts on that.

There's nothing else out there.

Are you thinking?

Let me hear you say it.

I think, man.

Come on. I fucking think big time. Damn right you do.

Let's start, guys.

I wouldn't be doing that if I were you.

That's the idea.

No!

Come on.

Simply none.

And it's gonna be huge!

Oh, baby.

Take me in. A small dock around the leeway. Well, let's go there.

Daddy!

Dad! Get on my board.

Come on, Dad.

You're the first person to freak out trying to buy man -eating sharks.

This is my job, my show.

I need this documentary with you.

I don't got it.

How's the video?

It's good.

Very cool.

Sis, what was that all about?

First thing you learn as a kid, don't eat before you go swimming.

You get cramps.

You were so good, the sharks didn't even catch up.

Yeah, well, I had a little something they didn't.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's touching.

Very touching. All right, people.

Let's get back to work. Let's go.

Huh? What's that?

Of course.

We need more footage.

Let's go. Let's get wet.

Something's not right.

What the fuck was that? Did you ever see anything like that?

Uh... Okay then, uh... Let's call it a day, shall we?

What are you trying to prove?

Stupid.

Guy with a head case.

You know, for a guy you don't like very much, you sure are very concerned,

aren't you?

No, it's just I can't believe he's back out there after what we saw.

You must really love to surf, huh?

Yeah, sure.

You love them more than anything.

They'll be all right.

They, uh...

Your mom said something about 500 -year -old temples.

Mm -hmm. You want to go search the island?

Oh, my father would kill me if he knew we'd be off alone.

So I sure do hope no one tells him.

Oh, my God.

Yeah.

See you in a while, crocodile.

You know, we don't have to worry about anyone telling on us.

This place is amazing.

You're amazing.

I gotta tell you, hon, if the footage looks half as good as what I saw from

boat... We are in good shape.

Mm -hmm.

Oh, yeah. Big things to come.

I can feel them. Yeah.

I

think

I'm going for a swim, Danny. It's too hot.

Elba? Don't worry. I'll be quick.

What's wrong? Is it me?

No, no, no. It's not you. It's just them.

Aren't we moving a little fast?

That's it?

How old are you?

I'm going to be 15 next month.

God, why?

I'm 19, Billy.

It's lovely in here, Sonny. Why don't you come in?

At

least

I don't have to worry about getting bit.

Melba, why don't you come on in?

What's wrong?

Oh, nothing.

Mel!

Melba!

Come on, Melba, come on!

If my dad knew.

If your dad knew?

How old are you?

Really?

Seventeen.

Is that legal

here?

You're a tiger.

No.

Don't play games, huh?

You wouldn't be the first.

I don't know. I found it like this.

Okay, I'm terrified.

There's a big monster lurking in the jungle.

Lemya!

Getting all worked up over nothing.

Probably just freaked her out somehow and she went running back to her mom and

dad.

Where the fuck did they go?

Lemya! They left without him?

No way.

Shit. Oh shit.

Oh shit.

Sonny!

Oh jeez.

I don't think Sonny can hear you, Jeremy.

This is really, really tough.

Let's go.

I'm down with that.

Wait, wait, wait.

Where's the camera? The camera's in the bag that's on the boat.

It's the fucking camera, for Christ's sakes!

Can we go? It's not the camera he's worried about. It's the tape.

Yeah, it's the tape. There's no reason for us to go home empty -handed. Are you

guys crazy?

I hate to admit it, but he's right. Without that tape, this whole trip was

nothing. Don't be stupid, Bob. There's definitely something in there. It's not

mermaid.

This son You

know

this guy's okay real dedicated stupid but dedicated

Come on, bro.

It's here he lies.

Here's your precious camera.

See? That easy.

What happened? What happened?

You do not want to know.

But have you given any thought as to how?

Well, obviously they'll send someone for us.

Yeah. By tomorrow afternoon, maybe they'll start to think about it. And

we're really lucky, he'll sense when the day after.

But we'll have to find somewhere safe until they find us. Where?

I mean, am I the only one that notices that thing can haul ass in the water and

on land?

If only we had a hot air balloon, we could float away.

All right, relax, relax.

I got my breath back.

You don't think Uncle D would actually allow himself to be in Comunicado, do

you? The phone is, once again, your friend.

Come on.

Come on, come on, come on.

What? No service? Out here?

Maybe those 10 billion mega -hoots just ain't enough there, cowboy.

Hey, hey, hey, relax.

I'll get it.

Remember, we're in the southern hemisphere. It's longer to reach the,

satellite. Yeah, something like that.

All right, all right, all right. Let's get the hell out of here. Don't you

fucking move a inch!

This way.

All right.

Or you'll die with your next step.

We come in peace.

Excuse me, sir. Are you deaf? I said don't fucking move!

He did say that, Zack.

Now!

Deaf friend?

Do you know how close you were to becoming chibob?

Chibob? What the fuck's a chibob?

I'll show you.

Here.

Nice, huh?

You mean shish kebab?

Yeah.

It's better with chicken.

Shut the fuck up!

Shut up.

I'll hold this.

No! Can any one of you here tell me what the hell you're doing here on my

island?

Actually, we're trying to get off your island.

Oh. We're running from a creature.

A creature?

Yeah. What, like Godzilla?

Like Godzilla.

Like in the movies.

Really, man, this thing ate a 42 -foot boat.

Really? Yeah, really.

I don't see anything there.

Now what the hell do I do with you?

Huh? What if you happen to have a boat?

Or a balloon.

I happen to have a boat.

Really?

Well, that's excellent news.

Because I am willing to pay handsomely for a ride.

Okay.

You follow me, guys?

Does this mean we're getting a ride?

Hey,

hey, hey, I'm an American.

I'm your citizen for Christ's sake.

Show me your passport for Christ's sake. Get in.

It's reminding me of his lifelong dream, which is to keep company with a citizen

of the United States.

Hey, no way. No.

I was talking about the female kind, of course.

I'm not American. I'm Australian.

He says it's good enough.

Given the circumstances, I wouldn't call it cheating.

But the Australian girls, they're a little, you know. Yeah, yeah. Aussie

they just like to party now.

Ashley, I'm sorry.

Don't listen to me, people.

What are you saying?

If you were my brother, I'd get me a really nice American girl. You know what

mean? Huh?

Oh, really?

Totally. Totally.

But I'm not your fucking daughter!

Enjoying your little swim?

God damn it!

That was totally out of control.

I mean, that thing had to be what?

30 feet?

At least.

I'm hungry.

Scarf down that fat dude. Had to weigh at least 500 pounds in like two bites.

He wasn't hungry, guys.

He wanted to kill.

Well, what the hell's it doing in the ocean anyway? Aren't they meant to hang

out in swamps or something?

It's a long ride back to the island.

I'd have to show you the accordion.

Hey, Dirk.

Was your wife?

No, actually, I wanted to thank you.

I mean, if you didn't show up when we were back there, we would have really

in some deep shit.

She was really quite a ship in here, though, wasn't she?

She got around.

Competition too tough?

Right.

Judging by your reaction back there, I'd guess it had something to do with the

large saltwater crocodile.

Wrong again, right?

Right on, honey.

You wouldn't be trying to meet up with that thing again by any chance, would

you?

Hear that salty again.

Good.

Good.

Dirt, so it might be a little big.

It's mine, so...

Probably be a little small.

What took you so long?

Oh, I was thanking our captain.

Cozy, eh?

It has potential.

This is great.

Hey, to me, this place is a palace right now.

You know, because we're here right now and not in the intestines of that thing

out there.

I mean, think about it, guys. We made it.

You know, we were chased and hunted and stared straight into the belly of the

beast.

The devil himself, if you ask me.

We survived.

No better than that.

I think a toast is in order, huh?

To us.

To Lemya.

It's Dunny.

to Melba.

I'm sure y 'all could use a little rest.

Holler if you need anything.

Yeah, uh, I'm exhausted.

That's you alright.

I fucking feel ya.

Not this time, old fella.

Not ever again.

That's a bleeder.

Might want to use something a little more pointed.

Salties. Saltwater crocodile?

That thing out there?

And Dirk has an interest in these things?

I knew you were the brains of this operation.

He hunts these things?

I mean, now you're disappointing me.

Call on me slow. It happens every once in a while. What? What's the deal?

Dirk sees you on adventure tours.

And he was the best.

And?

And his last tour didn't go so well.

How not well?

All of his passengers were attacked.

They were slaughtered right before his eyes. He hasn't been the same since.

Oh, no.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. He wants revenge?

Now? Today?

That's all he can think about.

Big, big, huge problem. There are passengers on this boat who want to just

the hell out of here.

Now, I was thinking that a truly innovative television producer would

opportunity of a lifetime.

Okay.

So now she's an expert at the inner workings of the TV business.

Let me ask you a professional opinion.

Would documenting the capture of the largest crocodile with cirrhosis known

man be a marketable commodity or not?

I'm talking a crocodile of unheard of proportions.

31 feet long, over 3 ,000 pounds.

It has potential.

Ka -ching.

No way.

Who's stupid?

Me.

Oh no.

Something wrong?

What? We're still there.

No way.

Got something on your mind?

You're just like gawking at an old man's backside.

You're a fucking liar, Dirks.

You said the last thing you wanted to see was that crocodile again.

That's the God's honest truth.

Then why don't we haul an ass back to Palm Island? I mean, we're like sitting

ducks here.

Salty's not gonna let us go anywhere.

What? You heard.

I don't see him.

Right.

He's out there.

Where? Everywhere.

He owns these waters.

This reef, these caves, they're his.

And anyone or anything that's at the bottom, they're his.

Oh, God.

The drama.

I love it.

Oh. See, folks, the deal is that the captain here...

That's a little score to settle with that oversized frog. Seems that he

a few of his last pads from Jack. What?

Oh, yeah, she told me all about it.

And now your lovely first mate here has inspired me to my largest project yet.

The killing of the largest living reptile on Earth.

The Australian saltwater crocodile known by few but soon to be many.

As Big Mick.

What do you think? Not bad, huh?

Are you totally fucking mad?

Seth, this thing is 90 years old. It's bigger than Boston.

I mean, think about it. It's gonna make blood -stirping look about as exciting

as lawn -balling.

We're not talking Discovery Channel here. We're talking primetime network...

television.

You think it was just fodder for some cheap entertainment?

Let me tell you something, boy.

I watched this crocodile eat five kids.

What about your age?

He started by dismembering each.

And it was really bloody.

And loud.

The screams.

See, they didn't die right away.

They just lay there on the rocks.

And after he tore him enough to his like, he sucked up each part one at a

So let me give you some advice.

Lose the idea for your silly little show.

And stay the hell out of my way.

You have absolutely no right to involve us in this.

You don't get it, do you, sunshine?

You got yourself involved.

And I will take you back when I've done what has to be done.

If you've got some ideas on forcing the issue, you lay them out.

Now.

Because I've got a lot to do. And precious little time to do it in.

Beautiful.

I wouldn't worry.

He only eats real men.

You had enough fun, you freak?

Because I sure as shit have.

Why don't you get us the hell out of here now?

I can understand you taking a shot at me for your friend, son. But don't push

your luck.

Now get out of here and do something useful.

You alright?

That was really fucking stupid.

I know.

At least we're going back now.

Come on, come on, come on, hold you bitch, come on!

of the ship.

She blew it up.

Never outrun him anyway. So what do we do now?

We're in for the race.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no. You're not going over that.

Are you?

No, fuck it. You ain't got much patience.

Arnie, get your ass up here.

They're going to take these three across to the island.

No, John.

It's all right, girl.

You and me still got some seas to sail.

By the time you get there, you don't hear me blow that fuck of the hell.

You go north, you find some ruins, fresh water, chock full of alkaline.

Salties hate it. It burns the shit out of them.

You got it?

Yeah. What about you?

You don't hear that explosion?

It's very snowy.

Let's go.

Let's go. Over the reef?

Yeah.

Shit, I'm bleeding.

Oh, Jesus, it's only a scratch.

Hey, fuck you. I'm bleeding. I'm fake, okay?

Oh, jeez. That's you, Elise.

Yeah, whatever. See you guys in paradise.

Boring? You're still boring, all right?

That cleared up.

Yeah!

That is tough.

Couldn't have happened to a nicer person.

Say amen.

Alright, you motherfucker.

Breakfast.

I think.

I wish I heard an explosion.

Not a good idea.

Hey, he might still be alive.

I'll go.

Don't be stupid.

Even if he isn't, we need the explosives.

Go to the ruins. I'll meet you there.

How will you find her? Listen to the screaming.

My seat, I've come home to Papa.

What a friend we've been.

I'm doing business with you, Billy.

Can we leave it by now? We don't know.

What do you mean you don't know? We lost. Look, I don't know shit. Would you

just leave me alone?

I don't know what your problem is. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I don't need anyone.

Leave them all. You leave me alone.

Look.

It's better just you and me, right, baby?

Right. You know?

Huh?

Huh? Tell Papa how true it is to white women like rough men.

Who told you that?

I read it.

Website.

Oh, you have a computer?

Yes.

He's a certain kind of guy, though. I think he might be it. You better fucking

believe I'm it, baby.

Yeah? Come on, stud boy. Show me what's on deck. Let's go.

I'm not just going to show you, baby.

I'm going to stick it up to you, huh?

Yeah? Well, shut up already and prove it. I'm right here.

Uh -uh.

No, you come here.

No, you come here.

Fuck this.

Oh, shit.

You're kind of hit by a bad joke.

You all right?

I think so. All seems to work.

Good. Let's go.

Which way now?

I think it's...

I'm sorry.

It's okay.

You're just so together.

Oh, please.

Come on.

It's coffee break. Come on, let's go.

Looks like the damn thing was too scared to cross the water. You'll find a way.

Hey, come on.

We made it! Wow!

If he shouldn't be here by now, he'll be here.

What if he doesn't?

I don't even want to think about it if he doesn't.

Sorry.

You really like him, don't you?

I can't believe John might be dead.

There's always hope.

If it weren't for him, I'd be dead.

Just as well be.

He won me, you know.

In a dark game.

First man ever treated me like I was more than just some doll to dress up and

play with.

Happy to see me?

Hello.

So how about that kiss right about now?

John?

No. I'm sorry.

Look at that salty son of a bitch. Just sitting there.

I wonder if he has any idea he's about to get blown sky high.

Yeah, laugh it up now.

Remember, as soon as I'm in there, you've got to blow it.

If he gets through, we have nowhere to run and we're screwed.

All right? So, all you've got to do is hit the green button.

Crocodile pancake.

Exactly.

So why don't you go do what you do best?

Witches.

Kissing dogs.

A suitcase!

Killboy boots!

You guys, nothing's working.

Do you think he's dead?

That didn't do it. Nothing will.

Let's get out of here.

Do you kiss me? You creep.

You faker.

I could just... You could just kiss me again.

Bullshit. That was not a kiss.

All right, fine. That wasn't a kiss. You're right. You bet I am.

This is a kiss.

Come here.

Any idea how we're going to get off this island?

None.

Do we really care?

No.