All language subtitles for According To Jim S02e14 You Gotta Love Somebody (2)

Cheryl, this is my partner, Officer
Lorraine Elkin.

Pleasure to meet you, citizens.

Yes!

Just don't see what's to harm in
suggesting that Danny ask Lorraine out.

there are certain unwritten rules that
men honor. I know, I know. Eye straight

ahead at the urinal.

We may not even have been married if
Danny hadn't meddled the night we met.

Danny? Yeah, that night in the bar.

Okay, we gotta go. See ya.

No, no, no. You can't go. Why?

Because Jim really likes you. Now, come
on. Let's go in there and just ask her

into the ball.

Come on. She's going to say yes. I
guarantee you.

She's going to the ball with me.

What?

Oh, I see.

Getting a little late. I think I'd
better just go home and clean my gun.

Jim, walk me to my car.

and you just let it happen?

I could kill Andy. I worked so hard to
get Danny and Lorraine together.

Well, why do you try to fix data up with
someone?

I wouldn't mind if she never spoke to me
the rest of her life.

Danny won't be mad at you forever.

Oh, come on, please.

I think your credibility is a little
tenuous right now.

Why don't you leave a thesaurus on the
crap or you take your chances?

You know, Jim, all my instincts are
telling me there's something there.

Just throw a wrench in things. Now, what
we have to do... Whoa, whoa, whoa. We?

No, no, no. What we did already is we
screwed things up good.

No more meddling. That's it. Come on. Uh
-uh.

Oh, she couldn't take her eyes off him.

It's like I used to look at you before
you started peeing with the door open.

Oh, honey, come on.

Uh -uh.

Tell Andy not to take Lorraine.

Why does it always have to be me?

Why does Jim talk to Andy? Jim, take out
the garbage. Jim, get off me.

I'll talk to Andy like I do everything.

You just sit there with a beer in your
hand watching TV.

Uh, Cheryl.

What? There's no beer in my hand.

Hey, so is Danny going to take Lorraine
to the ball?

No.

Andy beat him to the punch.

And your sister won't let go of it. I
don't know why she's so hell -bent on

getting the two of them together when
I'm sitting here all single.

Well, you know, you do the easy ones
first, then you tackle the miracles.

No, I think she feels obligated because
she believes that Danny is responsible

for putting us together.

Excuse me, if anyone gets credit for
getting you together, it should be me.

So did I tell you I love my mother and I
have a full -time job?

Does that do anything for you? No.

Harry, keep the wine coolers coming.

Hey, hey.

I need to talk to you privately.

Oh, no problem. I can take a hint.

Perfect timing.

I've got to take the Browns to the Super
Bowl.

Oh, my God.

You're going to think I'm crazy, but I'm
going to let that gym guy walk me home.

Oh, Cheryl, not the dancing machine.

Oh,

there's Chad.

I forgot I told him I was going to be
here. You've got to help me. Look,

he's your boyfriend. What do you want me
to do?

I need to do something to keep him here.
I don't want him to see me walking you,

Cheryl. Please.

I'll try to think of something. Okay.

Hey, Dana.

Hey, Chad. Where's Cheryl? She said
she'd be here tonight.

Yeah, but she's not.

Okay, I'll just wait for her outside.

Oh, no, no, no, no. Don't do that. Don't
do that.

No, no, no.

Because she, um... She's, uh...
Because... Oh!

She had a boyfriend?

No, Jim. She jumped right out of the
convent and into the bar where you met

I left a message for Andy. I told him
I'd call him tomorrow.

Wait, here's a thought.

Why don't you ask your boyfriend, Chad,
to talk to Andy?

The 12 years that we've been talking
about the night we met, you never

you had a boyfriend.

Come on. Obviously, it was mysterious.

Boyfriend, I broke up with him for you.

What's the problem?

Here's the problem. A, you had a
boyfriend.

B, you forced Dana to make out with him.
And C, the erotic quality of my dancing

was totally lost on you.

You made out with him.

Did you like it?

I don't know. Did you?

That's gross.

Have you been eating bugs?

No.

Hey, Cheryl.

Hey. What's up? Wow.

Whoa. Rocky Road brownies? Oh, yeah.

Wow.

I haven't had these since...

Since you had to tell me Kitty Mittens
got hit by a truck. Oh, dear God, what's

wrong? All right, look, look.

Andy, I don't want to hurt you, but
you're standing in the way of true love.

Danny really likes Lorraine. Lorraine
likes him. So would you please be the

bigger man and cut her loose?

Wait, wait, wait a minute. You'd rather
see Danny happy instead of your own

brother? I'm just saying.

The love train is rolling, and you've
got to get off the tracks.

Maybe these brownies will soften the
blow.

No deal. Why?

Because women can make me brownies, but
brownies can't make me women.

Okay, but Danny helped Jim and I get
together the night we met.

Oh, I see.

And Danny was the only one helping you
two get together that night. Well, if

there was Dana.

What about me?

Oh, me.

You were too young to even get into
Hannigan.

Who said you had to get into Hannigan's
to make a difference?

Beat it, kid.

You're not 21.

Oh, sure, sure I am. It says right here
on my military ID.

Yeah, right.

You let you wear your hair like that in
the Army?

I put it up when I'm on recon.

You said goodbye.

I don't think so, Slim.

How was I fighting for over there?

Oh, you know what? I forgot my jacket.

All right, but look. Don't stick out the
back door because I got it locked.

Yes.

Nick, how you doing?

You know, same old, same old.

Some girl you got in there.

Hey, man, forget it. She's way out of
your league.

Hey, but she's got a sister.

No, she's out of your league, too.

Really? Yeah.

I thought you by the end of the night I
could show you a picture of them in the

bathtub with me.

You're a creepy little kid, aren't you?

So I've been told.

Hey, listen.

Think you're going to get lucky tonight?
Oh, brother, I'm lucky just meeting

this one.

She is so sweet.

Patty. Oh, who's Patty? My girlfriend.

What? You have a girlfriend?

Yes. I've been trying to break up with
her for like three weeks now, but it's

been really hard.

I'm using her car, you know?

I thought that plot looked easy.

Hey, watch your mouth.

Listen, you know what? She's a nice
lady, you know? Show some respect.

All right, take it easy.

Wow.

You really dig this, Cheryl, huh? Yeah,
yeah, yeah. If Patty blows it for me,

I'm keeping her car.

Wait,

what does Patty do for a living?

She's a registered nurse.

Nurse?

It's almost too easy.

I need

a registered nurse.

What happened?

Some fat chick fell down. She'll be all
right.

had a girlfriend.

Interesting.

Cheryl, I tell you a tale of sacrifice
and heroism, and all you can take away

from it is that Jim had a girlfriend.
That you never told me about.

You know, I'm surprised at Jim, but I'm
disappointed in you.

Well, I'm disappointed in your brownies.
Oh, yeah, and you know what? Another

thing. I'm not only taking Lorraine to
the ball, but I'm going to take these

disappointing brownies as a thank you.
Twelve years too late.

Just like your pork chops.

I'll make the computer.

I'll make the computer.

Order him to rob some liquor stores.

Hey, Jim. Yeah? You take my car. I got
fake tags.

And the mind of a child.

Uh,

Dana? May I cut in?

Oh, sure.

Really? Yeah, you're a good guy.

Keep smiling. Hide the pain.

Look at him over there.

Miserable and alone.

And if you hadn't tried to play Cupid,
he'd just be alone right now.

I wish we had somebody else to fix him
up with.

Is Nurse Patty available?

Jenny was a nice girl.

She had a nice car. That's different.

You know what I liked about Patty? What?
She knew how to let things go.

Let go.

Go ahead. Why don't you just say it?

Cheryl, you were wrong.

Cheryl, you shouldn't have been
meddling.

Cheryl, boxer briefs are fruity.

I kind of like the boxer briefs.

There's a break in it, period.

They're nice.

I still think Danny and Lorraine belong
together.

I just think it stinks that it's never
going to happen.

Hey, you boxy lady, you want a twirl?
Oh, Tony, I'd love to, but Jimmy gets so

jealous. Oh, that's cool, baby. Go on.

Beat it.

Hey, Dana. Beat it.

Nice party.

Yeah. Yeah, you know what would make it
even better? What? If I could stop

thinking about you making out with Chad
Golditch.

Chad, I was trying to help. Help? By
sticking your tongue down his throat?

Any consolation, I promise you I will
never stick my tongue down Jim's throat.

Oh, please. I don't even do that
anymore.

I'm sorry.

Oh, I'm sorry, too.

Oh. Oh, yeah.

Beat it.

Hey, Danny.

Hey, Jim.

You ready to jump up on stage and do
that song?

I'm kind of busy here. Doing what?

Visiting. My real friends, Professor Jin
and Field Marshal Von Tonic.

They're always here for me.

All right, that's it. You come in with
me. Where are we going? Come on. You're

going to explain to Lorraine how you
feel.

Look, I played that game, and I lost.

I had an incompetent coach.

That's another story. Oh, yeah? Is it as
riveting as a story about the cut -off

corduroy pants?

Forget it.

Jim, I'm better off alone.

Now I feel like an idiot for showering.

Alone, alone, alone.

I'm better off alone.

We're not better off alone, Danny.

Come on.

What would have happened if I never met
Cheryl? Where would you find me today?

Well, a guy I knew was headed for a full
denim wardrobe with numbers over the

shirt pocket.

And you'd still be up in a tree naked
with a crown of beer bottles screaming,

I'm the queen of England.

That only happened once.

And I believed it at the time. I know
you did.

Come on, man. The point is that maybe
Lorraine is your sheriff.

You don't want to pass up on that, do
you?

She passed up on me.

I asked her out. She said no. You didn't
ask her out. You asked her if she

needed a ride.

I don't know how much clearer I could
have been. Well, you can be clear now,

Your Highness. Come on.

You know, I've never made love to a cop
before.

Not intentionally, anyway.

I get lost, pal.

I'm reeling in this merch.

All right, look.

I'm going to make this short, simple,
and clear. What are you doing? I am

to give fate a hand. Move.

Now, look.

I don't want to hear anything about
being married to the badge or Lady

You two are sad and lonely people with a
desperate need for some companionship.

So, you know,

You talk amongst yourselves now.

Andy!

Lorraine, you don't have to stand here
and talk to me.

I have no legal right to detain you.

You like me?

Well, you are a woman possessed of
certain non -displeasing attributes,

a man like myself would perhaps... Just
say yes.

I'm as swollen and bloated with love for
you as that John Doe we fished out of

Lake Michigan.

Wow. He was a ripe one, too.

How could you do that to me? I spent
three hours getting the love den ready.

put on the zebra sheets.

I know, Andy, I know. I know it's a
bummer for you.

Look, how can I make it up to you?

I don't know.

A hug would be nice.

Look, we're in the middle of a room full
of cops.

How about a hitch?

together? Yes.

You're welcome.

Did you do that?

Well, I said men don't meddle. I didn't
say we weren't good at it.

Oh, thank you.

Your brother's a little bum.

Andy.

Oh, honey, don't worry. There's somebody
out there for you. I know, I know.

You're a catch.

They'll be lining up to meet you. You
have a good heart. You should take

care of it. That is true.

You're Chris? Danny and Lorraine? We
know.

Andy, you know what? You have a good
heart. You should take better... Hey,

man, you want to dance?

I guess so.

I'm dancing with my sister.

It's like my senior prom all over again.

Hey, beauty.

Hey.

You want a bus to move?

Oh, no, please don't. Oh, come on, come
on. I'll behave.

Yeah, they are. That's nice to see them
live.

Well, I guess you were right.

Fate intervened. No.

No, we intervened. We did it. Us.

What are you saying?

Well... Tip?

I mean, to the night we got together,
everybody helped.

It may not have happened if it weren't
for that. I mean, you know, maybe it's

not fate at all.

I don't know.

I don't know. Maybe fate is...

Being in the right place at the right
time, Spin.

That's true.

You know, fate did put us in hand
against each other.

Oh, yeah.

That was lucky.

Okay, so he's a doctor, but doctors
without borders?

Where's the money in that?

You keep being that picky and you're
still going to be alone in 10 years.

Oh, oh, oh, oh.

Yeah, like I'm going to be alone.

You know what? The truth for me is that
I really just don't care that much about

luck. I mean it. I mean, I just want a
hardworking guy who loves me and makes

laugh. Good luck.

Oh, and it wouldn't hurt if he was a
great dancer.

Irving Park.

Good night. All right, great.

Where?

Oh.

Where? Oh, Hannigan's, 9 o 'clock. Oh.